My son’s dad and I were going through a custody battle and he told the courts he didn’t want rights and I could have full custody because he was “stressed” about the whole situation. So he basically abandoned his child & he relocated to Arizona with his girlfriend and her kid. Eventually, the girlfriend took his car and all his belongings, and they broke up. Once they broke up, he would always tell me he’s going to work hard and save money to come back to California for his son. But eventually, he got into another relationship out there and completely changed his mind about coming back for his son; he chooses to stay in AZ with his family and his new girlfriend. So he’s been asking me recently to send our 3-year-old out of state to live with him for weeks at a time. I think this is completely unstable for a small child who is already having behavior issues. He will have to try to balance living in two different households every few weeks. Plus, my son will be stuck in a car for 12hrs because it’s a 6hr drive there and a 6hr drive back. I feel like my son’s dad has a bad habit of putting girls before his child and not making his child a Priority. Once he found a girlfriend, he didn’t care to come back to California for his son. So my question is, should I allow my three-year-old child to live that unstable life, or should I just continue to be a full-time parent in California since it was his decision, in the beginning, to abandon his child anyway. I already have full custody, and at this point, I’m tired of trying to get him to make his son a Priority and considering just cutting him off.
continue doing what you’re doing!!! somethings not right in his head to pick girls over his own child
Continue with what you’ve already been doing. Dad knows where you are, let him make the effort. It was his choice to move out there so why should the child suffer 
Nope i wouldn’t let him go…he can take off with him as soon as u hand him over and u wld never know it. Do video chats if anything.
I wouldn’t… I would have supervised visits first in ur state. He wants to see the child, he needs make an effort
Hello no. Good riddance.
Just keep doing what you’re doing. Sounds like a flake father. If he wanted to step up he would
I would not send my three year old to ‘live’ with a stranger. That’s traumatic. Now, if you went with him to slowly introduce him - that’s one thing. But, I would not just send my child out of state. ‘Dad’ or not. Does he have any rights to your son? I would have to think and pray a while on that. I would be concerned about him going in and out of his life. That’s a no no. Now, if he’s there for good - that’s different. This is a tough one mom! Sending prayers your way.
Continue being the full time parent. If he wants to see him he should come to you, and go through the courts.
You got full custody keep it that way… Do not let him go.
Nope I wouldn’t send my child anywhere. His “father” abandoned him he also gave his rights up so he has no authority nor visitations either. Keep ur son where he is and keep him safe
If the courts have already gave you full custody then I would say just cut him out. It doesn’t sound like he has any real interest in his child and sounds like he just wants to keep playing fish by keeping you and him reeled in and then casting you back off and that poor little baby doesn’t deserve that. He needs the stability.
Leave that dead weight.
Keep to full custody he chose to abandon y’all he don’t deserve to be in your son life
Girl, don’t do it. If he wanted to give up his rights in the first place there’s your sign.
This shouldn’t be a question. No no and no. He left that kid. If he wants any rights again tell him to go to court
No. There’s no way I’d send my 3 year old to live with a person he doesn’t know, even for a few minutes. If he wants a relationship with him, he can come to CA to have that.
Nope, he chose to give up his son, more than once…
You already have full.custody just leave it alone
Let him go and keep your son in a healthy/stable home. He can’t expect a child who doesn’t know him to live with him for weeks at a time
Hello NO… I wouldn’t let him go…If he wants to see your son then he should make the drive and visit him on a weekend visitation…I would never allow that.What happens if you let your son go to a different state to see it dad and dad don’t want to return your son back to you… you will end up fighting him back in court.
Father or not…he is a stranger to your child…no way would I ever allow my three year old to be with people I don’t know…
He is obviously very self obsessed… putting his needs above his child says it all…
If you want them to meet…then get it in writing he will be there for example once a month…he can come to you…
Definitely not…if he wants to see the kid and be there 100% - NOTHING would stop him if he was serious .
As a mother you already know that answer in your gut…that answer is no. He’s a grown man and he made his decision and now he has to live with that decision. I can understand where you are coming from tho because i was in a similar situation and, i think it’s ultimately you feel sorry for him, and or your son and that’s Normal, but if he can just walk away that easily the first time then that is his habit and it won’t stop. No matter what he says, he will tell you what you want to hear but at the end of the day it leaves your son not understanding what is going on. Wash your hands of it. Live your life and take care of your son and show him how strong of a mama you really are! Best of luck mama!
NOPE ! He is the Parent ,and has the same responsibilities as you do to HIS son. It’s not YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to make parenting convenient for him.
Follow you’re mama gut. I would never allow my daughter to go with her father in that situation.
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If he would like to see his child he knows where you live ,you owe him nothing !
Why are you even thinking about making this an option for your 3 year old?? N O
If he willingly gave up rights why on earth would you want that kind of person in your child’s life?
Hell know he belongs to you and only you gave up his rights please don’t do that to him he needs a stable life you can do this
Don’t send him out there
Don’t make the mistake of cutting him off. Thy child will find out no matter how long you put it off I can tell you for certain
No! He needs to grow up. If he ever does. Just be prepared to dp it yourself.
Cut him off! At least until he decides he wants to move closer and be a stable involved parent.
Cut him off, he will never change
Seriously, let it go! Tell him NO and to get on with his life. You and your already have moved on.
Just live your life. If he wants to be there let him prove it. Don’t bend over trying to make things convenient for him. He gave up from the beginning. I know how it feels to have the father of your kids pick a woman/relationship over them. If he truly wants to be in your son’s life then he will make the effort without disrupting your son’s life.
normally I would say that dad deserves to be a part of the child’s life and its incredibly selfish to keep the child from him because hes not up to your standards.
!!!However!!!
This situation is a little different.
First, you’re 100% correct on not shuffling your child back and forth between states when he made the decison to give up visitation and leave the state.
If he wants to see him, he needs to drive to you guys. I would not send him at all.
However. I will caution you, that rights and custody are two different things.
If he gave up custody, then he could still take it back to court and it could end up being court ordered to allow him to have visitation (could, not necessarily will).
So keep that in mind when you’re talking to him, and watch what you say…keep temper under control…make sure you explain that that kind of a drive wouldn’t be ok…make sure you offer to let him see your son if he comes to you…so if it ever goes back to court he doesn’t have anything to use against you.
I wouldn’t let a 3 year old go stay with a literal stranger. If he wants to be a dad he needs to act like one.
I would definitely say no at this age. In the meantime if HE wants to make the effort to see his child and drive the distance to spend time with him and prove himself then maybe. After all, that is your child’s father and your child may want to know him in the future. In the end, make him show you he’s serious
Your child is wayyyy too young! IMO just do supervised visits until he’s old enough to understand and communicate better.
He is not a father. He abandoned these rights when he refused custody. Ignore him,get on with your life for a happier you and son.
WOW - go with your “gut” instinct and your motherly instinct and do the best for your child - raise him as you have been doing and if the “dad” wants a relationship with this precious God given child then he needs to make the effort on his own not make his child travel in such a manner and honestly I don’t think the courts would agree with that arrangement at all. If your son doesn’t ask about him or if he really doesn’t know him don’t put him through it. Good luck with whatever decision you make. Even though you were granted full custody and not sure if he was granted any kind of visitation at the time he could very well take your son for weeks and file abandonment upon just to get him from you be very careful in deciding - not real sure how the rules work on the west side of the US bc I live on the east side and I would never allow it personally. But again good luck and keep being your little man’s hero and always being there for him and what is best for him.
Don’t let him go until you have paperwork.
No way!!! I could never send my child 6hrs away at 3years old.
Do not even entertain this conversation! You know what’s best for your son!
Hell no. Your kid is better off.
Cut your ties with him.
Absolutely
Unequivocally
NO
NOT A CHANCE
That is not in the best interest of your sons emotional well-being and stability .
He has not a hope of having that granted .
Block
Delete
Be free , until he shows he is worthy of your son .
Girl, he gave up his rights, you don’t even worry about him anymore! Keep doing what you’re doing. Maybe, that’s a big maybe, when son is older, maybe phone calls or video chats. But i wouldn’t even worry about it right now. The dude made his choice. My ex signed away his rights to my 2 oldest and my husband adopted them. I moved out of state, started over and don’t even think about letting him in, even after multiple messages on fb. No mofo, they weren’t good enough then, they aint good enough now. Duces! Once he’s 18, it’s on your son to decide. Until then, you are in charge. Good luck!
I would say no. Even if he would go to court and ask for visitation. The court would not agree that the child should rotate household every other week. I would not personally agree to this. He gave up his rights in court. He needs to prove he is going to be present and not sway every ways the wind blows.
Nope. The child would barely know him. Thats not fair on the child to be expected to live with his biological dad with our getting to see you for weeks at a time when hes used to living with you and seeing you everyday. Plus your son is better off without him.
Lol he’s trying to keep him cause if he doesn’t have money to bring himself back, how is he going to bring both himself and the child back? If u know what’s good for you and u don’t want to engage in a struggle to get your child back, don’t send him
Live your life. Don’t try anymore. Make him. He’s already proven he doesn’t care your son doesn’t deserve that at all
He already gave up custody? Hell no. What more is there to talk about with him? For him to make empty promises until the next girlfriend? Hellllllll NO
Absolutely not. Full. Freakin. Stop.
This shouldn’t even be a question, u already have full custody of your son and he abandoned your child for a girlfriend several times! Common sense do not give into him because it sounds like he just wants to play house with whatever girl he’s dating to make his self look good it has nothing to do with his son or whether it would benefit him!!
way to young to be put in unstable environment cut him off or let him come to visit otherwise no
mo no no …keep your child safe with you…all sorts of alful things could happen to that little boy…I would keep that man out of my life…he sounds realy bad…stay safe now…
He didn’t want his son before so no don’t send a 3 yr old child to see the worthless POS ! No child should be put through this. What if he decides he doesn’t want to be a dad while your son is there ? You don’t get to pick and choose when its convienent to be a parent.
I would not put the child thru that, if he takes you to court then ok but until then…don’t. That child deserves a stable home
The simple answer - No. The kid stays with you.
Before letting your son go out of state, you need to establish a court ordered custody agreement that specifies who has physical custody and the visitation agreement. That way If Baby daddy decides not to return your child you have some legal ground. Does your son know his father? If not, I would start with a few hours. If dad cares, he will travel the six hours to visit.
Absolutely not! He has not shown the consistency and responsibility that is needed for caring for a small child. Truth is hes probably doing this at the instruction of the new girl and not on his own(speculating from what you said). Take care of your baby and if he wants to see him, he can come to California and build a relationship. Then you can talk about extended stays.
If its a priority of his, he will come to you!! 3 is WWWAAYYYY to young to be going back and forth out of state. Keep him with you and tell him if he wants to see him he can come on vacation and he can see him at home with you. If not tell him to buzz off. Plus if he has proved to not put him as a priority how do you know he will actually take care of him as his priority while he is there
Um you’re 100% correct. Your son should not be going back and forth like that when his father signed his rights over. My ex husband signed his rights over to our older kids in a similar situation, and I didn’t let him back into their lives until he proved to me he was going to be stable and consistent. It took him 5 years before he started being in their lives again. Now it’s been almost 5 years of him being back in their lives and while I don’t always like him or agree with him… he is an active and consistent part of their lives now. I love his new wife also. He still legally has no rights to our kids, however we have discussed going back to court to make our current arrangement documented (he has the older kids most weekends and I have them during the week, and he pays less support than he was originally ordered to), he just has to get the paperwork for me and I told him I will fill it out and submit it. So honestly, I agree with you. Don’t let him in your sons life until he can prove he is stable and will be consistent
Way to young to be in an unhealthy environment like that. Work on your child’s behavior issues, and continue being a bad ass mom.
Maybe he can start by visiting his son. He hasn’t even come to visit and wants to take him for weeks? That’s not how giving up rights works.
No absolutely not follow your instincts you know what to do. You have full custody for a reason and if your son is having issues work on that not dad issues.
I had a father who was similar growing up. Speaking as the kid who went every summer to Texas from Pennsylvania, if he wants to see him, let him come here. If he acts like that when he isn’t in his presence, it will be worse when he is there and feeling like an outsider. So if he wants to see him, tell him to take the trip for a few weeks here. Just my personal opinion
Absolutely not… Cut dude off , he obviously only wants his child around when its convenient to him … that’s not a father.
Nope you can’t just give up your rights and have your kid come to you for 3 weeks at a time
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE HIM. Make him go to court or better yet you file for full custody make him come fight it out
legal advice and if he hasnt been a dad to the child for this long, why now?
Nobody’s taking my baby across state lines without me thats how kids go missing or are not returned
You get full custody. I have a stepson who went back and forth at a young age. It worked out in the end kinda cause both parents are active. This situation you explained would traumatize the kid. I say cutting him off. He doesnt sound like he’s going to change. I wish you and your family well.
I would absolutely not allow that if that was me. However would say he could come hang out any time he wants.
I’d never cut off the other parent …from my own experience kids are happy when both parents are in their lives…u can still be in control tell him he has to visit at your house or in a safe public place like a park until u are able to build trust …if you cut him off your child may resent you later not him …someone once said for me to love my kids more then I hate my ex and for real… its hard sometimes so hard …I swear I deserve an Oscar for all of the acting I’ve done in front of my kids to include there dad in holidays etc but my children are so so happy they don’t feel like they have to choose a side etc …when I left my ex my daughter would invite her dad over for slumber partys …and I let him and he’d sleep in the living room in a fort with the kids and id sleep in bed with my boyfriend now husband of 13 years and my friends were like grrrrl ur crazy but when I heard my kids say my mom and dad still love each other and they love us and were happy because we are a family and my ex sat down with our kids and said its ok if you like moms boyfriend hes nice to you and mom and I will always love you and your mom… thats adult shitt right there but for 13 years now my kids are well adjusted happy and my ex is just part of our family and by the way he was horrible to me when we were together and he was a drug addict and I have full legal and physical custody I dont have to let him see the kids but he worked hard he got sober and hes their dad so we just did what we had to do …
He gave up his rights to his own child why would you even consider that? Think about what you wrote he didn’t do it once but twice.
Fuck him theres no way in hell I would even consider sending him it wouldn’t even be a thought in my mind, I’d just carry on like the prick didnt even existed, he sign over full custody what does that tell ya? He doesn’t give a fuck…
You know the answer to this. Don’t uproot your child at his whim. In a few months he’ll have a different girlfriend who doesn’t want his child. If he wants to be in his child’s life he’s welcome to take you to court. No judge is going to send him to be with a stranger. He’ll have to go to CA for supervised visits until a relationship is formed. Do you think he’s committed enough to his son that he’ll absorb travel expenses every week for an hour visit? Or stick with video calls even? Don’t do a thing! Write him off. The next move is his in court.
Does your son even know his dad? Like have they formed a relationship? Because if not, that will traumatize your son. Also, I would worry about him refusing to give him back. He’s playing house now with his girlfriend and her kid, I would not send him. No way. He walked out. It’s time to close that door forever.
Don’t cut him off, but if he wants to see his kid, he can come to the child and have supervised visits ONLY. He has to prove he can be a safe role model before I’d ever let him be a regular part of my child’s life.
Never let the child cross state lines. Different state different laws .he may not return him.then you have to fight for your son in regaining custody.
Fuck him keep ur child safe and be that mom thats a dad to.
Like you said you have 100% full custody of him. If he wants to be in his sons life that’s all on him to make effort to come to you and see him. You dont need to do all that all because he changed his mind. You do what’s best for him and you know what’s good and better for him. He gave up his right in court and you’ll never know what might happened once you take him there to him
Didn’t even read it all but he gave them rights up, so that’s a no for me.
Sounds like the only reason he ‘wants to be part of his son’s life’ is because of his girlfriend.
No once he gets that child for weeks at a time he could actually get you for abandonment
I would never cut out my children’s other parent unless they were negligent or unstable, however in this situation, I’d put it on him. He gave up his rights, if he wants visitation he would be coming to me and our child, and he would not be taking our child out of the state for multiple weeks at a time to go stay with a girlfriend I didn’t know, especially when it doesn’t sound like he even knows his own child. He needs to be making the effort to come see his child and as the mom, I’d allow it as long as it is within reason
If he terminated his rights completely than shut that door n tell him to not contact you again.
If he wants to come visit I would allow it. I would not send my toddler across state lines to live with a parent that abandoned them. It’s basically handing your son to a stranger. You don’t necessarily need to sever the entire relationship. But I would let “dad” know that at this time due to your sons age and behavior issues uprooting him and sending him to a strange environment with strangers is not in his best interest. You would be happy to set up video calls, phone calls and dad arranging to visit YOUR State. But you have to look out foe your child’s best interest and at this time what he is asking for is unrealistic. I would also make sure all of your I’s are dotted and t’s are crossed when it comes to the legalities of the situation. Make sure dad understands he gave up rights to your son. He abandoned him when he was needed. You would like for your son to eventually know him and possibly have some sort of relationship but (from what I am reading and please correct if I am wrong) he has no legal rights and doesn’t know what’s best for your child at this time. Shared parenting is very difficult and I hope everything works out for your son!
Normally i would say a child needs both parents. But this mans behavior should be a red flag. No 3 year old should be taken to another state and be around other people you have no idea about. If he is serious then he can make the trip to come until the child is much older and able to speak for themselves and knows a way to contact you at all times. Your child comes first. He has shown you what not to do.
NEVER let your kid go in this situation
Keep that baby with you ! Thats not a father ! He gave up his rights when he walked out on his child and moved out of state. When your baby is old enough to stand up for himself and protect himself then if he desires to know his biological dad let it be the child’s choice. I see so much that could go so wrong with the out of state situation.
No way do not allow that!
I would definitely not let him out of state, that’s a really sticky situation and some custody agreements aren’t recognized outside of the state they originated in. If he really wants to be involved he needs to move back home and start slow. At this point he isn’t in your sons life and he can’t just appear when it’s convenient for him. He needs to show consistency and stability if he wants to be involved now. But definitely don’t allow him out of state.
Make him take you to court and parenting classes
I think whatever you decide to do, make a custody agreement before he even sees your son. I’d have him come one weekend a month and see your son here in Ca. If he is consistent, then id allow a two week visit every other month. If he starts breaking this agreement (like several times) then cut back down to one weekend visits in CA. You are doing the best you can. Your son consistently needs his father. Key word consistently. Good luck!
At 3 he can come visit his son. You don’t need to do anything unless the courts say so.