My daughter just turned one. Her father and I have 50/50 custody. The only reason he wanted 50/50 was that he didn’t want to pay the child support. He pays about $100 less now with 50/50. He is difficult to work with and does things out of spite and anger that he knows will get to me. We have had many issues agreeing on things. I want to get out of 50/50 and change our custody agreement, but I feel like my attorney isn’t helping me. I feel like I’m being forced into this situation. I don’t want to take her from him at all, but I have three daughters other daughters who I have full time and want them all to have a stable schedule and home. Should I look at getting a different attorney?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How should I handle this custody situation? - Mamas Uncut
Usually a judge won’t change take away 50 50 unless one parent moves or there’s proof of neglect or abuse
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If you don’t think your attorney is doing a good job look for another.
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Just bc he’s difficult doesn’t make him any less her father. I’d suggest working on coparenting and allowing her she 50/50 time with both parents. Whether it’s easy on you or not. Custody isn’t what’s going to be best for you. It’s what’s best for the child. You say you don’t want to take her - then don’t take the time away.
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A judge won’t change 50/50 because it’s tough on you. It’s not your best interest they look at it’s the best interest of the child.
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50/50 once established is unlikely to be changed unless the children’s welfare is at risk when with their dad. The fact you have other children won’t be a consideration in the time the father gets with the child you share with him.
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I’ve never understood why anyone pays child support in a 50/50 situation. He shouldn’t have to pay anything 
Also, he’s no less deserving of time because you have other children.
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Don’t waste your money! Lawyers can’t change something like this unless he’s “dangerous” or something serious happens!! It never turns out well for the child when the child support case gets open bc the absent parent always wants to be a parent then to pay less or none
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I live in Belgium and they strongly believe in 50/50 which scares me. It’s different because my husband couldn’t even properly take care of our 4 year old so I could go to school for 3 hours 2x a week. I dealt with my ex doing things to piss me off for 15 years with our daughter. Part of the territory. Best advice is if he is able to take care of his child probably don’t fight the 50/50 and learn not to let stuff get to you. No attorney or judge is going to do anything to give you more because “he pisses you off”
Maybe keep everything to text for now. It takes some of the emotion out of communicating. Get therapy to learn how to deal with your emotions and your ex, and work to become good co-parents. When your child is old enough to decide who she prefers to live with on a more regular basis you can make your case, but as long as he’s not abusing her or being neglectful of safety repeatedly, let him be the parent half the time. If he gets overwhelmed after a few months he might be more willing to negotiate terms.
Consult with other attorneys to see what’s possible and practical.
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My former attorney was difficult as well, and then he dropped me as a client 3 weeks before my custody hearing. And then I found a bunch of stuff out about him and filed a bar complaint. Had to pay a couple thousand to the new lawyer, but it was so worth it!!! Read the reviews on your current lawyer. I wish I would have. I probably would have saved money!!!
You get your child 50/50 and get child support? Just because he’s difficult to work with doesn’t mean you should get to decide that gets his daughter less often. As long as your daughters happy that’s all that matters.
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A judge isn’t gonna change 50/50 custody just because he’s difficult to work with. He would have to be proven as an unfit father. If anything a judge is gonna be mad y’all can’t seem to coparent for your daughter. At least he’s in her life and your daughter has her father. Be thankful.
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You need to be thankful he is in your daughter’s life. There are a lot of dead beats that just walk away.
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Unfortunately when you have different bd this happens. He deserves to spend as much time with her also. The lawyer knows that nothing going to change so he isn’t wasting your time.
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So you want to change the custody agreement because you both have an issue with agreeing on things? That is not a valid reason to change HIS visitation. Unfortunately this situation is not about you it’s about your daughter and you both are entitled to shared custody regardless of how you both feel about each other. Custody is about the child not about the ability to co parent that’s something you both need to get over. Not to mention he is not paying less money, he is only paying YOU less money however he is still supporting your child for half of the time and having a relationship with her. That’s what matters and it’s not fair to restrict his parenting time just because it suits you. A lot of people would dream of having a father that cares enough to step up to the plate for their child so be thankful and learn to get over your differences for the sake of your child.
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So because you have different baby daddies your daughter and her dad should suffer?
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So far I’ve not heard anything about him being a risk to the child only that you have issues getting along/agreeing on things so it’s unlikely you will get it changed
You both have to put your grown up pants on and learn to co parent your daughter deserves just as much time with dad as they do with you
Don’t let him know what bothers you, ignore that behavior. Soon it will stop
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You are opening a can of worms which may backfire.
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I dont understand how you get child support at 50/50. But if he’s getting his child when he’s suppose to and taking good care and returning her when he’s suppose what part is he not doing. Except paying a $100 less…
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But you DO want to take her from him.
If she’s not in danger, let it go. Don’t do things out of spite because you think he’s an ahole. It will put you on his level. He has every right to have her 50% of the time.
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New attorney and don’t stop until you get what you want
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Is he harmful to the child?
My daughter is 11 and her father has absolutely nothing to do with her at all,lives in the same town and seen her one time…I wish I had someone who wanted to be involved in her life but I can’t change his actions ,its his loss…I say if he is a good father ,let it be
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Your lawyer isn’t doing it because there is no reason other then you want. It won’t be granted with out a real reason.
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Lori Schultz, downtown Milw. did a fantastic job with my daughter’s custody.
I tried to do this as well the judge agreed on 50/50 unless their in danger they’ll change it otherwise ur stuck they like to see the children with both parents
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A judge isn’t going to change a 50/50 custody order just to suit you because you have other children…it’s in the best interest for the child to spend equal time with each parent, unless there is abuse or neglect from the other parent, of course…learn how to co parent and get along for the sake of the child.
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Thank goodness he wants to see her…
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Unless the father can be proven to be an unfit parent, the judge is going to grant joint custody. You can’t just take custody because he is not easy to co-parent with or because it’s not convenient for your life. He has rights as a parent too. You may be able to change the terms of his visitation if you can prove a very good reason (for the child, not you) in doing so, but that’s about it. Your attorney is just being honest with you. I think a lot of women believe the courts will side with them simply because they are the mother and that is not the case anymore. Equal rights also applies to parenting for the father.
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Wow… Seems like you don’t want 50/50 because you want more money. But let me clue you into something… This isn’t about YOU and what YOU want. Since you seem so overwhelmed, maybe you should give primary custody to her Dad. Grow up and think about your child, not yourself.
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You can’t just take time away for NO REASON. Has he missed visits? Has he harmed the child? How would you feel if he wanted to give her stability and took 50/50 from you? This is why people think moms are so bitter. You need to learn that you both made this baby and both deserve time with her. Dads deserve equal time tooo!!!
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Seems to me he’s being difficult and it’s unnecessary, can you get support for the Co parenting relationship?
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Don’t matter if you get along with him if he’s good to your child tho. Since money is what you mentioned first Imma say you just want him to see your child less so you get more money
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You’re not going to get more custody because you have your other kids full time. The courts are now scheduling heavy 50/50 rather than anything else. It’s emotionally beneficial for the child. Because you want your kids all at home and on the same schedule isn’t going to do it. Don’t bother with a new attorney. Yours isn’t doing anything else because there’s nothing else to do. Best of luck to you.
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Yes yes yes you need one to help you!
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Wtf 
no. The lawyer isn’t doing anything because there’s clearly no reason to change the custody except for the inconveniences to you. Grow up.
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Such a bunch of supportive mums…NOT.
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I have never seen so many women be so catty and rude. She didn’t say she wanted more money. She didn’t say anything about her convenience. She didn’t say she’s entitled to more than 50% custody because she has other children. Read without judgment and with an open mind. It seems many of of you are listening to respond and not listening to hear. Shame on you.
That won’t fly with the judge your other children are not part of this situation.
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Why would you try and reduce his time with his child coz it doesn’t fit with you… if he can do 50/50 then 50/50 it is sorry but he has just as much right to see his child as you do. If he’s being a pain in the ass to you then have someone else pick up and drop off so you don’t have to deal with him but you can’t reduce his judge ordered custody coz he’s a pain it doesn’t work like that
Many years ahead yet … nothing will change, if anything as she gets older he will keep playing games, get a new legal advisor asap
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Be thankful he wants to be in her life.
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50/50 is great until she starts school, and them it may still work for your child. Maybe you should wait until then to change orders. My daughter’s father is horrible to co parent with, I just deal with it and go on with life. When he puts my daughter in the middle, I tell her that it’s the adults problems not hers, she now tells him- that’s not my problem daddy, I’m just the kid
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I’m sorry, but 50/50 custody is the default most places now unless one parent is a danger to the children.
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Yep most court do the 50/50
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Get a new attorney…do what YOU think is best for your daughter!
Document everything that happens. Especially if it impacts your daughter in a negative way. If after that, your lawyer doesn’t see what you see, then change lawyers. You must first show any harm to your child that his behavior causes.
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This makes me sad. My SO hadn’t seen his kids since October bc mom doesn’t allow it. He’s spent many nights crying because he misses them.
He does have an attorney now and they say he has a great chance to get full custody because she’s not trying to coparent with him. Courts like to do what’s in the best Interest of the child!! Not the parent!! It’s not fair to the absent parent or the children. I don’t understand some women’s POV 🤦
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Get another lawyer and document everything
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It’s not about your feelings or your other kids. You sound very selfish. It’s about your daughter and she needs he dad just as much as she needs you. So put your pride to the side and coparent properly.
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You don’t want to take her from him, but you want to change custody? 
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Where do ya’ll live where 50/50 is normal? Cause I need to move there.
I’m in Maine and when I went to court, the judge gave me primary residency, and my ex gets him only on weekends and Holidays I agree too.
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I don’t understand this low amount of child support that he is paying towards the upkeep of your child, you are both having to provide a home for the child and each parent should be expected to contribute more than $100. I would leave his time alone but I would ask for more support. It means getting a new attorney then go for it.
Why do you get any CS if it’s 50/50, imo there shouldn’t be any. It’s also grossly selfish to want to take the 50/50 away for your benefit not your daughter. Shes priority here, he shouldn’t lose time with his daughter and she shouldn’t lose time with him simply because you have other children. That’s not how it works.
Dad’s👏aren’t👏second👏class👏citizens!
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50/50 is the new norm!
And when it’s 50/50 no child support is needed, both parents have the child equal amounts. Get over yourself, you sound selfish
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Sounds like you just want more money and are angry
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You don’t want to take her away from him but yet here you are wanting him to have less time
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It’s not about you, it is about your daughter. Unless there is abuse involved, he has a right to see his kid. That said, 50/50 can be problematic when she gets older depending on where you live, so you may want to go to court to switch up the schedule. In my situation, I had primary physical custody, but we shared legal custody. He got every other weekend, alternate holidays, and a month in the summer. Then as they got older now they mostly live with me, but see him whenever they want.
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No, you are being ridiculous. You don’t want him to have 50/50 so you get 100 more and your other children see her more?
How would you feel if he used his spite to try for full custody. Your lawyer isn’t wasting your time or money, appreciate that.
No, your attorney is more than likely correct. Unless you have proof of bad parenting where drugs or abuse is involved or the schedule becomes problematic for your child and it impedes on her academic performance in school (which you would need to prove), then things will likely stay as they are especially if it is a 50/50 state. Not to mention, if you try to change anything about it, it may work out against your favor with the court believing you are alienating your child from the other parent and give him more time since you are now the problem. The court may also order you to get coparenting classes since it seems you two are not able to coparent well. You have to figure it out for your kids and ignore his spitefulness because it is what it is now.
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Yes get one who will fight for you!
Keep conversations with him in text as much as possible to show his character
If he misses a day write it down
Keep all evidence you can that he is hard to work with
You have to give the judge a reason.
I went through the same thing
I was able to get custody modified by showing my ex had his new girlfriend watching my child I was able to change it that if he couldn’t be the one watching him then he was to be with me.
I got full custody when he got a dui
Don’t give up mama
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So get a new attorney. Why are you even asking in here?
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It’s not all about you! Live with it!
My lawyer told me I could not keep my daughter from her bio father for any reason. So I agreed to 50/50 custody. Got to court & the judge said NO!! Put supervised visitation in place, bio father showed up twice. She was 3 at the time, she is now 14.
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if they have 50/50 why is there child support at all they only thing they should be 50/50 when it comes to money is go 50/50 on medical education when she is with either parent each home should be provide the childs personals needs clothing and such things parents need to work it out not just benefit one child but all three why should her kids suffer because 2 adults cant figure it out
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That’s not gonna happen. The dad is involved and parents how he sees fit on his time. You mention nothing that endangers her or is a positive to her schedule being changed. All you mention is your other children. The judge isn’t going to care about their schedule. A regular schedule is stable and you’re daughter is only a year meaning this schedule is less than a year old. The only person wanting to upend their normally schedule life is you.
Get some free consultations going with other lawyers. Always document. But be realistic about your wants versus wha courts going to see as her and her fathers rights.
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Ok, I’m going to be the odd man out here. What’s difficult? Pickup & dropoff’s? Childcare agreement? If his difficulty is interfering with your ability to parent your other children then yes, get a new lawyer who will fight for you. Everyone is right, it’s not about your or him but if he’s being so difficult that your unable to care for ALL your children effectively & equally then you need to have someone who prove he’s not doing anything to help make life easier for your child. Judges will try to hold him accountable if his difficulty is effecting the child your in court for and the siblings. If the child’s siblings are having to be neglecting or effected negatively then it effects his child. Sorry but alot of these women just want to hate on other women because of what they’ve went through in their area. It’s different everywhere so document, follow the current order & try to parent as effectively as you can until you get new representation. Good luck.
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No. Your other children do not trump the other parent. Once 50/50 is established, you have to have a really good reason to get out of it. Your other kids and him being high conflict aren’t it.
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50/50 custody does not mean 50/50 time🤦🏼♀️ 50/50 means you both can make decisions equally. 1 parent is always the primary and if the other makes more then the other pays the support. That’s just how it is. It makes sure that the child gets to be equally as comfortable no matter which place they are.
It’s mind blowing how many people don’t know there’s a difference between 50/50 custody, and 50/50 placement…
Custody allows both parents to make major decisions (health, medical, life altering) together.
Placement is where the child resides.
You can still have primary placement be with mom and still have 50/50 custody with the other parent.
Also, child support is INCOME BASED so people need to stop assuming the mom is always asking for it. If there is any difference in come, the parent who makes more(regardless of it being mom or dad) will pay SOMETHING in child support. Many of these ignorant commenters seem to think the money is for the parent when in reality the money is FOR THE CHILD.
Y’all quit need to assuming the mom is being greedy and just wants money when she clearly stated the only reason the dad wanted 50/50 is so he DIDN’T have to pay more support. Says more about the “dad” than it does her.
ANY narcissistic parents, mom OR dad, are deadbeat parents.
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Sounds like you’re being a bit selfish hun. Like that extra 100 is more important then your daughter being with her dad. I think you should rethink yourself at this point. 50/50 is great.
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50/50 IS a stable schedule.
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Ma’am just because you have other children, doesn’t mean you get to have more custody of this child. He’s difficult to co-parent with? How so? Is it affecting your child or is it affecting you and it’s an inconvenience?
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Depending on your state, I only know NJ as I live here. Unless Dad puts child in danger or hurts them you will likely never strip him of 50/50.
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Unless he’s abusive or seriously neglectful to his daughter then I don’t understand. He has every right to see his daughter just like you do! It takes two to have a child. A child has a mother and a father, both have equal rights! If he’s an unfit father then that’s a different story, but you didn’t mention anything other than you wanting all your children at home and you thinking he just doesn’t want to pay child support! Did he say that?
Do what works best for your situation we don’t know all the details
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There is a difference between being an involved parent and just getting custody out of spite. The child is the one who suffers when people try to force men to be dad’s when they don’t want to
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No. 50/50 is best for the child… if he’s a good parent you should be happy that he’s doing his part as a parent. He shouldn’t have to pay you anything.
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Keep yrack of his shitty behavior take it to court explain all of this to judge with proof he may side with you
From what you have said, nothing indicates that he is a bad father so 50/50 is just what is best in this situation. You have to deal with this man until your child is at least 18 so you need to find a way to not let his shenanigans get to you. If you want to change the custody order just because he irritates you the judge wouldn’t go for it.
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If her dad is present then there’s really nothing you can do & thats not fair to him. I think lots of ppl have annoying baby daddy’s but that’s just life.
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If he has her half the time why does he have to pay child support?
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Unless there is a real issue with dad most judges automatically go for 50/50.You would have to prove in court why he shouldn’t have HIS child as much as you.Believe me I get it as a mother…but I know if the rolls were reversed you wouldn’t want less then 50/ 50 right…
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If your lawyer isn’t doing what you want him to do then yes get a new lawyer. If you don’t think this agreement is what’s best for your child then take him back to court and fight for your daughter. Only you know the whole story and you have to do what you think is best.
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