Walk away. Don’t be involved with a man that’s hasn’t appropriately cut ties with a previous relationship.
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Do what you can for the kids. Step up in the ways that their mom isn’t. You can’t be mom but you can be a damn good step parent and they will likely be grateful for it. Keep an eye on things and make sure there’s no real neglect going on, document any things border on neglect/abuse, support your partner in being a good dad. As far as giving her diapers, is he financially helping in other ways? He should be. Encourage him to have a set child support amount and just give her the diapers so the kids don’t suffer. Your issues with her are real but they should take a backseat, it needs to be about the kids, period
See this is why I tell people without kids not to date people with kids. Definitely not worth it. Be young and when you’re ready have children with a man without them, you won’t have to worry about them have to stress over their other kids and not having time for yours 
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At the end of the day, the kids need to be taken care of. If that means dad helps with diapers, then he helps with diapers. The welfare of the children is between the parents. How the ex lives/spends her money is none of your business. The only thing you can help with is working with the daughter on letters, colors and numbers when she’s around. Better the child, don’t discuss the mother. If you’re not satisfied by what he’s doing or not doing for the situation, you can walk away. He has to handle the rest, whether you like that answer or not.
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Do you have any children of your own? It seems like people who DON’T, always know the most about raising kids. 
also, my daughter is 6 and I have explained to her over and over how to wipe properly, she just doesn’t do it right sometimes. 
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Everyone who is being so weird about him being married, I was separated for 5 years before I was able to afford a divorce. It was just a legal thing at that point though and we both had other relationships. Chill TF out about it, there are a lot of reasons someone might not get a divorce, it’s complicated… especially with kids involved
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first things first if he plans on building a life with you living with you and having you be a part of his children’s life and be a positive role model in their lives and helping raise them he needs to divorce, get sole physical custody get sole legal custody get soul medical decision-making and major life decision making custody over his children at the same time she is going for the divorce and give the wife visitation if in fact she is that irresponsible and immature still and he needs to have her pay him child support. If I was you I would give him that ultimatum and if he doesn’t do it he’s either too lazy doesn’t want to deal with the wife or he doesn’t give two s**** about you and just wants you to do the raising of his children. Secondly and I think it is the most important part of the whole thing at least for me is if the mom isn’t doing the raising of the children properly and teaching them the things that they need to do why isn’t Dad doing it let me tell you working is not an excuse to not teach your children the things they need to know in life because being a parent is so much more than putting a roof over their head and food on their belly and clothes on them. Better yet if you have a problem with how these kids are getting taught why aren’t you doing it along with Dad. lastly word of advice don’t bad-mouth their mother because at the end of the day that is those kids mother and you don’t need to badmouth her if she truly is how you’re describing her the kids will eventually see it for themselves. You and Dad need to be the constant for those kids the stability the discipline the love the nurturing and everything else that they’re not getting from their mother at the moment. To me it sounds like Mom is not the only one who is being irresponsible cuz if that was me and I wanted to be in a whole new relationship I would have handled my divorce and custody child support by now. Everything needs to be in court documents and signed off by the judge that way no one can get Petty and everyone has to follow the rules equally
for the hills… this isn’t going to work out.
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Stay in ur lane … let him deal with it especially if they still married
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I been there just be good to the children and have little talking with their mother unless alone then feel free to let it rip intelligently
Hes supposed to help those are his kids , hes still married if your going to be a mistress I feel like you shouldn’t complain and she can do what she wants with the money if hes not giving her support
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Ok, so as a biomom myself…
I’m going to say that there’s really not enough info here.
- Did she tell you personally that she made these purchases? Or did dad tell you that’s what she said/did? My ex used to say crap like that about me…yet i was working three jobs- a convenience store, McDonald’s, and a grocery store deli to support my kid. They weren’t glamorous but they were jobs none the less and i was trying. I may have looked put together…but i had a neighbor in cosmetology school. She did my hair and nails for me. Even now…youtube is amazing. I can do my nails “professionally” for around $10.00
My ex? Didn’t pay any child support. Never contributed financially. Despite there being an order in place. He didn’t work. Let his girlfriend and mommy support him.
And no during that point we weren’t divorced. A custody battle is expensive. - Do you hold it against the dad for the 5 year old not knowing those things? Mom isn’t the only parent responsible for teaching her child things. Not to mention there may be some undiagnosed issues there (for things like ADHD its not uncommon for them to be undiagnosed at 5) children usually naturally pick up on at least colors.
I’m not trying to say anything against you but there’s a good chance you don’t know everything you think you do.
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ummmmmm… if they are legally married she isnt an ex… kind of an important detail??
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You should not be in a relationship when he is still married. His baby is still in nappies, definitely rebound. Focus on yourself, talking bad of her will not elevate your position. Your boyfriend needs to sort out his. Iife.
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Let “him” take care of them when they are there, and you do other things!!!
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Just as a side note you don’t have to force kids to learn colors and numbers etc… that isn’t what qualifies a parent as good.
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You need to cut ties until he’s divorced, period. I realize and understand your frustration with the ex…and I’m sure she’s an awful parent but unfortunately you have no right to feel that way until he leaves her officially. I think that’s really the issue here. He needs to leave her and then you guys can both deal with the bad mother/ex situation AFTER he’s no longer tied to her.
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Why are you in a relationship with a married man? I’d be difficult at best when I’d have to deal with my husband’s girlfriend also. Not cool at all!
Has he divorced her yet? NO. Trust his actions NOT his words!
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5 year olds still need help wiping themselves. You don’t know her situation fully and for all you know she got that bedroom set free or really cheap, or maybe as a gift.
How you should handle the situation is to kind your own business and stop judging her. That’s how. It sounds to me like there is someone toxic and selfish in the situation, and it’s not the wife.
School teachers numbers and colours and letters. What is wrong with you?
So, mum isn’t the best parent because the child is lacking skills in hygiene and learning colours, numbers, etc but dad isn’t? The children are equally his responsibility, why is she an awful parent yet he has failed to educate the child in these areas also?
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You’re dating a married man 
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Those of you who are advocating this type of situation and justifying this married couple not being divorced yet… If he DIES TODAY, guess who is going to get his life insurance money?
Enough said.
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First of all all he’s MARRIED!! End of story!
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Gee I’d hate to see any of you have a failed marriage in Australia. You’d have to be alone for a minimum of 12 months, as you CAN NOT divorce in the first 12 months of separation.
Why is the relationship status the issue here?
They have been together a year so clearly he isn’t interested in the marriage that only exist now on paper.
Maybe the divorce hasn’t happened because of cost…after all it usually cost more than the marriage did in the first place.
From what I am seeing she is more worried about the kids then the pending divorce and that seems to be what she wants advice on sooo why are so many of you so focused on the less important part of the post?
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MAJOR red flags… just walk away or let him figure out his life 1st
Do u dislike her so much because they’re still married and that makes u feel pushed to the side?
If you two have been together for a year, how long have they been seperated? Why can’t the father of those children teach his kids their basic color, number and alphabets? Why does that only fall on the mother? From what I am reading, the parents are trying to coparent, so he obviously must have time with the kids. So why cant he (and yourself) try teaching those kids the very thing you are shaming the mother for. Yes the mother sounds very self interested and does not have her priorities straight. Talk with your boyfriend about your concerns with teaching the kids this and that. Try seeing if maybe he can come up with something so the mother does not depend on you guys for things.
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NO, I’m getting a real divorce. My Attorneys tell me not to act as if I’m single! Not only that, it is in the Ten Commandments. Thou shall not commit adultery. Yes, right up there with Thou shall not kill. Everyone will be answering to God for their sins. Believe that!
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Well, firstly that’s his wife, not his ex. If he hasn’t filed divorce then you are the side chick. So my advice is to leave him. He’s not yours. Hes her man, no matter how you twist it. Have some self respect, and grow up.
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Okay, I understand completely. I’m going through something kinda like this. My bf isn’t divorced either. He’s been separated from his wife for almost 3 years already(she cheated on him and abandoned him and her son for another man who cheats on her all the time) my bf has filed for divorce but she’s refusing to sign the papers because she’s literally the most immature person in the world that won’t divorce him even though she ruined their marriage. My step son goes through the same. She spends money on herself rather than her son. I’ve been there for her son more than she has. I take care of him more than she does. I sacrifice more than she does and have many witnesses that can test to that. She leaves him with random people so she can go party. I wish I had advice for you but I’m currently going through it also. Honestly there will be no pleasing her if she’s has the same immature mind and my step sons mom. Just do your part and take care of the kids and you step up even more and show them who really cares and loves them
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Lotta useless comments on here jesus fucking christ. First, make sure he plans on seriously divorcing. And considering the “mother” comes to pick the kids up, makes me think the relationship is really over. Fucking read people. Secondly, take it into your own hands and teach. The kids. Then if the mother cant provide for her kids, keep them until she has what the KIDS need. Not her. She needs to woman up and start acting like a mother. Talk to your boyfriend too about this.
What’s your question? What to do about him being married? If you should dislike his ex and why? Should you help teach their children things? Like, what’s your question here? What advice do you need? Sounds like you know in your heart what’s right and wrong and how you want your life and children to be raised… so go get that life???
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He is married his. Wife wins.
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No divorce leave him until there is I understand leaving the kids will be hard but you need to move on
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Push him to divorce her. Don’t settle for “I plan to do it”. Tell him to get it done or you’re packing up. If he doesn’t get in gear, start packing. He’ll get it done if you leaving means anything. Meanwhile, collect evidence of what she’s doing. If he divorces her, it’ll help with the custody battle. If he doesn’t, turn both them in because he’s enabling neglectful behavior.
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How can you be dating a married man? And him too he is cheating on his wife with you for a year. Are you okay with this?
Do u realy think u can be a better wife.hes married hes neva gonna leave his wife.that makes u the bad one in this .by dating a married man and still proud if it…what does that makes u better than the wife.hell no. Get out.ur bf is using u.clear cut
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1st he is married. 2nd both are the parents and should have equal responsibility in the care, welfare, training, teaching, feeding, clothing, education, medical etc of the children. Both would be Responsible for the potty training & learning to wipe properly, the teaching if colors, numbers etc… BOTH. Does he Pay her Child support??? Because Im sure he works and probably makes more than her most men do ( not all though) but, you probably work so yall live in a two income household and I am assuming she is living off one income… So, with that being said there is no reason why he can’t help with diapers and things his children need. Now remember just because shes a Mom doesn’t mean her needs, wants, desires are less important than her husband’s ( your bf) or yours. I am sure your bf ( her husband) spends money on things like, Restaurants, Dinners, Clothes, furniture, hobbies maybe fishing, hunting, golf, football, etc… any extra curricular activities in his life. If he isnt paying child support and helping financially than he needs to… You didn’t specify how much either parent gets the children or etc… there is a lot left out of this. So, it may seem to you that the Mother is selfish ( & maybe she is or maybe she is not) . I am sure she is just trying to move on in life, do the best she can and wants to have things in life , just like the rest of the world. If your going to he the 3rd person in their relationship and with their children then you have a obligation to be good to the children and the outcome of helping this situation be the very best that it can… You need to talk to your bf and get him moving on a Divorce because you can’t build a TRUE LIFE with a Man that is Married to someone else because everything your bf owns, has, builds is legally hers also. So how do you Move forward in your relationship unless he moves forward to closing the door on his marriage in order to open the door for you two’s life together.
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Run as fast as you can
Sounds like you’re a busy body with too much time on your hands. Mind ya business. Ill be damned i let some little twat like yourself judge my parenting skills just bcuz your dating my baby daddy lmao. Go sit down.
He’s not leaving her !! Let him go
You’re biased. There’s no legal custody agreement. She didn’t pick them up for a sleepover or you guys have them full time and all those things you said she was doing wrong are actually things you both are doing wrong. Your ‘boyfriend’ should be helping teach them also. You worded this to sound like she just gets visits but then also tried to blame her for everything. If she wasn’t just getting visits he would need to help with diapers as there’s no child support agreement. You sound jealous. Just help those babies have a happy life. That’s all you can do.
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My best advice of being a Mommy to 6 lil minions is Stay Out Of It,Totally! Let him n her handle that! Hppy new years!
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Not being funny hun from time there dad isn’t teaching ther girl her letters ect n hes not call social services or taken her to court he doesnt seem that worried so if he isn’t I dont think u should worry either my advice to u will be make sure YOU are not paying for his children and stay out of it I have a feeling ya the one guna get hurt in the whole thing they are there children, leave it to them I just hope your not paying for it all his kids his responsibility not yours until you n him marry best of luck xxxx
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They’re not divorced. You shouldn’t be living with him. Why is it that a lot of men cannot be single for even a minute? Last relationship is not even truly over, and they’re on to the next one already? From the the sound of it is even moved in with you. After less than a year.
Jesus. Yeah you have a problem. But the NOT QUITE ex-wife isn’t it.
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The mother hasn’t taught the child to wipe, and numbers and colours and you want to complain about it yet clearly neither has your boyfriend? It’s not just the mothers responsibility to teach the child , it’s the dads too, and it’s concerning that this child is 5 and doesn’t know numbers and colours considering 3 adults take part in this child’s life, I’m a single parent and my childs dad doesn’t see her and she knows all the colours and can count to 50. Also why is it a problem for the mother to expect nappies from the child’s dad? Is he paying child support? If not then I think it’s completely acceptable for her to take nappies. Also nothing wrong with her spending the money she works for to make house improvement for the home she lives in with her child.
Absolutely nothing wrong with her treating herself to get her nails done too. If you are that conceded then ring the social services and ask for a welfare check, but honestly I believe this post has come out of bitterness and jealousy and it’s all false accusations because you hate the fact they are still married.
If you love them kids ‘like your own’ and have been around them two years and have your boyfriend to help you teach them yet you haven’t taught them how to wipe, count, colours ect. Then maybe you are just as bad.
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Shouldn’t be with a married man.
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He belongs to another woman. Walk away. Must be a reason he hasn’t divorced her.
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Works both ways father and mother should be working with her. As for you stay out of it. If they arnt divorced you really dont have a say. I’d walk away because you’ve been with him for a year and neither of them has filed a divorce theres most likely reason for that. Read between the lines sweetie. Your best bet is to just move on.
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I have a friend whose bf living with her 4 years now and he still legally married to another woman and they have two kids together. Every year he says hes getting divorced and every year it just remains the same
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I was with my partner 7 years before he divorced his wife, they had a boy it’s only been a year you teach his daughter how to wipe teach them colours and letters why turn it into she has not done this or that tell her to focus on her kids by the basic stuff like nappies, cannot blame mum on all of it dad has a part to play as well
Dad giving his wife funds monthly for the kids? If he isn’t then yes diapers are warranted. Welfare is confusing normally they go after husband if collected by her. What she is buying is a debt for both as in the bedroom set. Help the 5 year old learn colors and the potty issues. Color book and crayons and teaching booklets for letters. She may know more than you think and wants to learn more? Read to her with children’s books. I have heard there are educational shows for children too. Mom is still his wife so not an EX. He is just living with you.
Once a cheater always a cheater
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Dad is just as capable of teaching the kids things for for starters so that’s definitely both their fault. That being said it sounds like she’s being irresponsible because she knows he’ll pick up the slack financially. Personally I would stay out of it and let him deal with her. As much as you may love the kids they are not yours and you aren’t a step parent. You’re braver than I am to be involved with a “separated” man. Good luck. 
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The ex should never have ever been allowed to have kids in the first place. What a horrible waste of air she is. If you love the kids as if your own maybe convince dad to get full custody and be the best stepmom in world to them. Good luck.
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I don’t give a fuck what the dads doing or not doing… As a MOTHER… I’d be damned if I’m getting my nails done while my child has no diapers… I’d sleep my ass on the floor to make sure my kids have what they need… And have learned what they should know…MY KIDS COME BEFORE ANYTHING AND ANYONE…
But that’s just me…
Why are you so worried about what she’s doing an buying? It’s called none of your business. Honestly it’s not gonna go the way you’re hoping and wanting it to.
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You have 3 options: (1) Stop giving a shit. He doesn’t seem to care so you shouldn’t either, UNLESS your personal money is being spent for the kids needs. If that’s the case, put your foot down and don’t let her have things that you spent money on. If she can’t take care of the kids then she doesn’t need them. (2) Take this shit to court and have him divorce her and get custody. or (3) Let him go.
I’m in the same boat. Iqnore rude comments. We had to step up cuz mom wouldn’t 
. Also fck the comments about them being married. I’ve been with my bf 5yrs and I’m married legally to my ex. Theres more reasons not to worry about it.
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I feel so sorry for this lady who came seeking advice only to get all these bashing.
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Hon your boyfriends wife is NOT his ex until they are divorced.
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My husband and I were living together for 1yr before he was able to divorce his ex. We’ve been married now for 33yrs, and we also had custody of his daughter. Her “mother” was a pos! We did everything and NEVER got any child support from her. Everything worked out and my daughter considers me her “mama” because the egg donor was never around. Hopefully everything works out as well as my situation did.
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When you got involved with him you got her too since they aren’t divorced. You need to decide if the love you have is enough to overcome every obstacle. It’s not gonna get better
Divorce is not expensive unless you let it be expensive. I did my own. I got nothing from my ex. He left. He should have paid. But I did what I needed to do and in the end had my dignity and my son and started over. This man needs to step up and do what needs to be done
You can’t force her to be a good mom, you can’t force him into a divorce, end of the day that’s his wife and the mother of his children, the most you can do is try to not let it bother you and continue loving those kids. You’ve got to take a step back and realize you are powerless in this situation and that you cannot fix it, if it all goes bad you lose him and the kids and they’re stuck with each other for life.
You’re screwing a married man. First mistake.
also, is it only the mothers job to teach the kids how to do basic things? Or is the father also responsible?
Step back, your not the parent. Your the girlfriend of the guy who is still married to the mother of the children.
Although I can understand your reasons for concern it sounds an awful lot like your guy is manipulating you into thinking the situation is worse than it is. It sounds like you’re dogging on her and condemning her and judging her instead of realizing that you’re with somebody who doesn’t give a shitt enough about his kids to even take custody in that situation and since he doesn’t want to divorce her it sounds like he’s having his cake and eating it too. The children aren’t your concern enough for it to be enough to the point where you keep yourself in a situation where you’re not happy. Get yourself out of this shit hole and find a situation that isn’t so complicated.
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You can’t do anything. Just be kind to the kids.He needs to get his shit together
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I’m confused… if she picks up the kids for sleepovers, doesn’t that mean the father had primary custody?
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Tough situation. I would leave your boyfriend until he has at least filed for divorce, if not until it’s final. As for the children’s mother, you could call child protective services. I wonder why the father isn’t doing more to make sure the children are taken care of properly when their mother has them. I wish you the best of luck!
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Dont date someone with kids. He needs to file for a divorce and custody if she truly is a shitty mom but you need to stay out of all that.
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Why is it only her responsibility?
The father also has to help with things
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Leave…if he’s not pushing divorce how long you gonna keep letting him “promise”
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Don’t feel bad for not liking a person who can afford to get their nails done and not diapers for their child.
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If he filed for divorce and she isnt signing the papers then that isnt his fault. He cant force her to sign those. And if that’s really the case with the childrens mother then I’d find a way to prove negligence and talk to him about going for custody if he hasnt already started that process. Being in NY itll be a fight and a half for yall bc NY is a feminist state but if yall can prove without reasonable doubt that the mother is just blatantly negligent yall can get custody and if he gets a good divorce lawyer he can divorce her without her even having to sign the papers. It’s very difficult though. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope it gets better.
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Oooh girl
That’s touchy
I don’t wanna be the one to say it but his youngest is only two so they can’t be separated that long
When I wasn’t technically with my baby dad we still had a thing
We are married now but we never really cut ties
You need to watch that
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At least she has a job and I’m surprised she can be on welfare when she’s still married, unless he makes as much as her. Most five year olds don’t know how to properly wipe themselves, they are very young and require a lot of time and attention. I agree that he’s got you blinded and you need to focus on his commitment to you and his kids versus what the mom does or says.
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I also believe you should leave until he gets a divorce. But be prepared…he very likely will go back to his wife for the fact that he needs some help with the kids. Just my opinion.
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My advise: dont date married men.
It isnt your job to handle his wife, or their kids. Split up and tell him that if hes serious about being with you, you will discuss it after the divorce is final. Just remember, he divorced his wife to be with you, chances are he will leave you to be with another.
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if he isn’t divorce leave until he is.
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He is still married,walk away
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Don’t just walk away,RUN!
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All you can do is be kind to the kids. If he is buying diapers and whatever and wants to send t
It, that’s on him. I wouldn’t be buying and of that stuff til he was divorced.
But I wouldn’t.let them go without while they was around me either. Their kids, their responsibility
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Dont date a married man. Somthing tells me theres more to the story than hes even telling you. I feel you may be getting gaslighted in some situations.
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It’s the fathers job to teach his children all of that as well, not just hers.
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Get out of that relationship… the whole thing is toxic.
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if he isn’t divorce leave until he is.
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I wouldn’t be with a married man myself…
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Sounds like she’s spoken to a lawyer. *Making her life style extra so she can get more money. * just saying. However I do agree with the majority RUN!!!
Well it is the father’s job to teach her to wipe herself , colors and numbers too so if she don’t know why are you blaming just the mother for this?
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Cut your losses, chalk it up as experience and move on. The fact this question is even being asked tells you already know that.
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All I can say is have a serious conversation with your boyfriend on where this relationship is going. If he is not serious I would get out of this relationship ASAP. Unfortunately you can’t do much about her not being the best mother…all you can do is love your step children and be there for them when they are with you. I can relate to this situation. Love my stepson and have been there for him more than his own mother did but his mother has made our life a living hell. My partner has to pay more than half of his paycheck to her and basically nothing much left for us while I have to work my ass off to support our 3 kids and the house, etc.
I think you need to handle the relationship with your boyfriend before you even try to tackle the ex
You can’t be married to an ex.
The issues he has with her and/or those children are outside of your Lane at this point.
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I wouldn’t be w a married man whos only separated, been there, done that. However, i will say divorce is quite expensive. But girl follow ur gut.
Girl, wake up. He isn’t getting divorced and you are going to end up hurt. Stop wasting your time.
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Not your business what she does. You are the other woman.
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His gf is trying to be all friendly w me bc they are together and she wants to be friends for the kids sake…im like bitch hold up i just found out about u…NO
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Why are you with him? Don’t try fixing their problems. ESCAPE NOW
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