Potty train the 2yr old… and tell the courts shes ripping off the system
Simple. Don’t get hooked up with a married man.
Married is married. He’s got a shit ton of unfinished business.
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Sounds like the mother is too immature to have kids she cant even take care of her kids she takes care of herself more then them thats just selfish
Umm… you might need to handle the relationship between you two before discussing the ex.
I honestly wouldnt be with a married man. But to each their own.
If he truly didnt want her. He’d be divorced.
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I say let dad handle this. This is his business and his children. Also, dad can help with colors, letters, etc too.
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In those babies eyes their mother is the world. Do what you can and move up. Pray that she finds a better path sooner then later.
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You better run fast now.
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You really need to decide now if you want to live like this because if you stay and/or marry this will be your life. People can say don’t worry about her or it isn’t your place but I have been through this a few times. If you can take care of him and the kids and still do it no matter how she is then stay otherwise leave now. But yes you should talk to him about where this is going. If he doesn’t want anything serious…leave…
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All you can do is love them and teach them the things she hasn’t when you are with them. Sad as it is…you aren’t their Mom. I have a couple myself. #Stepmomsrock
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I would be pushing for him to get a divorce before dating him. Why does he have one foot in and one foot out? It’s also his responsibility as a parent to teach these things. If he feels the mom isn’t adequate, then he needs to fight for custody. You have a wonderful heart for caring, but he also needs to step up.
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I’m sure your only hearing the Goree details through him so really he’s feeding the fire and it seems he’s allowing these demands of hers. As far as the children, no disrespect but you have no place to judge or say anything, otherwise, Concerning them & again that’s his doing
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I am going to assume you are planning on staying with him since you didn’t ask for relationship advice. Continue to love and care for the children. As for the ex. Take notes lots , and lots of note, save texts, take pictures of poor care by the mother. Your bf will need them during a custody hearing once the divorce happen. I am not saying he needs to take the mother out of the children’s lives either but it just sounds like his house may be the better home for them to be raised In the majority of the time or until she can prove she is responsible enough to put her children’s needs above her wants.
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He needs to divorce her and pay child support and work out a parenting agreement… This is crazy.
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Sadly there is not much you can do about her. Pray for her is all. But you can do a lot for those children. You be the very best Mom to those children that you can be. Love them. Care for them. Try not to get sucked in to her life style and focus all your energy on just loving those children. You teach them guide them. Do your best to not alienate her. Do not ever confront her. never speak ill of her in front of the children. The children are not stupid they will know who she is on their own terms. You can not change a narcissist. Actually do some reading on Narcissus. So you will be better equipped to deal with it. Just put your eyes on those babies. Focus on just loving them and not hating her.
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Either he file for a divorce or let him go.He is just using you to raise his kids
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Get out early, that’s a big mess that’s not your problem. Find someone to make a future with that’s free and clear, and you have same interests etc… Then down the road make your own family to raise your kids the right way.
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How long have they been separated before I say anything?
You pack your bag and hit the road. He’s married!! Make your own family with the right person. Too much baggage- and for what?!
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If he hasn’t started divorce proceedings, he isn’t going to. Time to go.
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Call the effing CPS on her tf. That ain’t no mother
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First of all, your bf should either SHIT or get off the DAMN POT! He isn’t worth your time of effort.
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You don’t get in the middle of it but you can just decide that she doesn’t get the stuff you buy! If she has child support or welfare she can buy it, but if you give her what she needs she will keep just draining you and your hubby! I know it’s hard but if she doesn’t take the kids because of diapers then that’s just fine! The more you give the more she will asked for! She is to provide for them when they are with her and your boyfriend has to provide when they are with him! There are exceptions but not all the time! Remember that a leech will stay until they can feed of you!
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My ex husband had me convinced that his daughters mom was to blame for everything… she was a horrible, selfish woman. I 100% believed him, we even ended up with custody of his daughter. Her mom was not perfect by any means but after the daughter moved in and I was pregnant (married, together for about 3 years) did I start seeing his true side. We are divorced and he hasn’t seen our 4 year old son in 2 years. A lesson I’ve learned is that when a guy trashes their ex, RUN. Either they are just running their mouth, putting all the blame on the ex OR they stayed with a woman who was negligent to their children… neither is acceptable in my opinion.
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This really isn’t about her… a child’s right is to be loved and love. Best thing you can do is send the kids with what they need just like you would if you were taking them to daycare or a sleepover with grandma. It just shows your a responsible parent and care that your children have what they need. Your BF does need to tell to tell her that if she wants the kids for a visit/night she is responsible for making sure they have everything they need in her home. Document everything! This will help in court if he ever decides to file for custody. When his ex try’s to start a fight just ignore her. Neither of you are here for her ! Your their to make sure the kids have a good stable life.
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Sounds like dad needs to step up as well. Cant blame mom for everything. If she isnt teaching preschool basics then he should teach them. If she isn’t teaching proper hygiene then he should as her father. If she doesnt have diapers for the 2yr because she cant manage her money then give her diapers because if you dont then it’s the child suffering not her. If shes cheating the welfare system then fine that’s not your business so dont worry about it karma will catch up to her. You only need to concern yourself with what happens in your house. When it comes to the kids let dad handle that. To me it already shows he doesnt care about your or his kids and you cant just blame the mother for it all. Give him an ultimatum and if he doesnt do anything then walk away but make sure you tell them kids bye so they dont feel like it was there fault that they have shity parents.
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Unfortunately, what she spends her money on is her business. Been through all that mess before. My husbands baby mama would spend all her child support on god knows what then call us and ask if we can get said daughter what she needed. It was our responsibility as the second household to make sure she had it. I mean, we weren’t going to let her go without. Yes, it’s was super irresponsible of her and we knew she did it because she knew she had us to fall back on. Just make sure you’re documenting everything. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this.
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raise them like your own if shes not responsible to buy diapers i would send some and pack my childs stuff as if they are staying at a friends house not as a mother. My oldest stepson knows im the one to send that money in/ to buy the school supplies/ to pay for what he needs/ to fill out that paperwork/ to take to that appointment. Thats my boy😊. He knows his mom dad and I love him very much and hes 15 now. He will also tell you on his own he has me check papers if she fillls them out and says i do mom /parent things for him and shes just a irresponsible friend, but he loves us all in different ways. Your boyfriends kids are going to need you too from the sound of it. I would embrace it😉
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Sounds like he is having cake and you are letting him eat it too. Recognize you’re the side piece. Kick him and his drama to the curb. If he is serious he will get divorced and come back to you. If not, you’ll have your answer, and can move on to someone who is’nt still married to their ex. Dont wait around for a man to leave his family, no matter how messed up it is, it is HIS. You cant tell him what to do, and clearly he doesnt care about your feelings.
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You cant change her or her behavior, you can only simply be there for the kids in any way you can. You say you treat them like your own, then continue doing so. Be the one to help teach them and care for them, to show them that they are loved. Otherwise, they’ll just get tossed around from one uncaring mother to the next. Show them and be the mom that cares 
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Even if your relationship with him changes and you break up, they can remember the kindness you showed.
She most likely has money, but is doing this shit to deliberately piss you guys off.
There is nothing you can do. Dont look at her look at him. If he is the kind of man that will allow this woman to treat his kids like this is he really the kind of man you want to live your life with. I know you said you love the babies as if they were yours. But they are not. He chose to have kids with a GIRL that has no ambition or initiative. So that tells you all you need to know about him. BOUNCE
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You don’t know their story…just love the bf and the children,but be careful the bf could be the problem…If you can dare,take the risk
Stopped reading when you said he’s still legally married… If he wanted to be divorced from her he would be obviously he doesn’t so you should remove yourself from all of it or deal with it.
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They are married and have two kids. No other woman should be so involved in the relationship that she is waiting for them to divorce.
Also, father’s can teach kids too. Why hasn’t he taught these kids to do the things you mention? Why doesn’t he buy the diapers? He has a responsibility to take care of those kids too and if she makes it impossible, then he needs to get them away from her.
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When I got divorced my ex husband had an agreement to take the children for the weekend but we never discussed what that consisted of… everytime he said I had to take him diapers, food, and clothes for them if I wanted them to stay. When we finally went to court the judge asked me if I had anything to say to the court and I said if she can kindly explain to him that I did not have to provide for them while in his house because that was his responsibility. And the judge said that if I had the messages of him telling me I had to print them out and bring them to the next court and he would have to reimburse gas, food, diapers and clothes I provided for his home… otherwise he would need to have supervised visits and the child support increased because he couldn’t meet the guidelines to have them at his home and 2. Since I had more expenses he needed to pay more. Thankfully that worked out. But try to have everything in writing. There’s also an app that records all incoming calls. And I would either have him call me or text me so i could have the proof dont forget to mention the other party is being recorded (for the most part they won’t believe you) but it works.
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I was still legally married when I met my current husband, simply because we couldn’t afford a divorce at the time and the money had to be saved up. 
You are all judgmental assholes tbh.
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If he knows the way shes treating the kids and hasn’t done anything about it that says alot about him get out of that relationship
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My parents didn’t teach me anything before I started school. They just expected the teachers to do that and my teachers expected my parents to do that. As a result, I was always left behind in everything in school: had to stay back while all the other kids got to play and have fun and then have my teacher angrily try to teach me the alphabet. It didn’t really matter though, it was only kindergarten and even if you are behind in kindergarten it doesn’t mean you are behind forever. Later on I ended up reading more than anyone my age, I even read during recess.
Stop dating married men
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There is nothing you can do besides be there for the kids. If you really love this man and he loves you then you treat those kids like they are your own. You don’t have to replace their mother but be that extra person that helps them grow. As far as the potty issue her dad can do that but you can help her with colors shapes numbers etc. there’s nothing at all wrong with that. But her dad should be helping too. I get that the mother seems to be immature but as the girlfriend you don’t have a place to say anything to her. You can discuss things with the kids father and if he sees an issue he can discuss it with their mother. I am a step mother, although my step daughters mother doesn’t do any of this we’ve had our disagreements and I found it’s best to let her father deal with parental issues. But I’ve been there to help with homework, sick days, other things.
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And he 2 years old, it’s time to work on potty training little man… I’m just saying. Cuts out diaper cost
Oh my. Glad I read these comments. Now I know to never come to this page for advice.
Good luck to the OP.
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All you can control is you. If you can get the proof she’s cheating the system I would turn it in. It’s there to help those truly in need, not there for those to take advantage of. When you are with the kids you can work with them. My son actually had alot of trouble with the potty (he has autism and at the time motor skills weren’t very well developed) and I worked with him constantly. His school was very understanding and helped. They would send home visual story books that explained things, and give him extra time in the restroom if he needed it. The nurse also helped him physically when he needed it. If you can go to the school and explain the situation it might help. But I agree the dad needs to be doing this too. If the bio mom tries to start drama with you over it, as hard as it is try to remain calm. Know that you are helping these kids and that’s what matters, not arguments. If the divorce is something they just can’t afford right now help to slowly save up. Even if it’s a dollar a week it will eventually get there. The digit app is really helpful. If for some reason you and the dad end up splitting ways over this, just know you were a positive influence and every kid needs that. And if possible try to stay part of the children’s lives. Unfortunately people dont always understand having the child may make you the bio mom, but raising the child, loving ans sacrificing for the child is what makes you Mommy
You’re playing the fool. If he’s been with you a year and still hasn’t gotten a divorce, he’s under the impression that he doesn’t ever have to. I bet he says things like it’s happening, I just need to get her to agree to sign papers but I don’t want to rock the boat right now and custody, blah blah blah. If the kids are being neglected this bad, it will just reflect badly on you and your boyfriend. The question can be asked, why isn’t this girl’s father teaching her these things. If there are two parents then both parents take the blame. In this instance there’s three of you guys. If you aren’t willing to do the work that this mother isn’t doing then you need to get out now. You need to decide if your life is worth all this stress and drama. I do everything I can for my kid. I teach her, help her walk, feed her and never spend money on myself over her. I do everything I can as right as I can and honestly I could do a little better. I had a boyfriend who was supposed to be divorced with a 1 year old and it turns out he was married with twins on the way. He let me believe for months that things were how he said, and I didn’t immediately leave when things came to light and he just worse. Lying, laziness and just all around disrespect. You really need to think about it and figure out what you want to deal with as your future. A 5yr old so far behind is going to be a challenge for both you and the school system. You are going to be called in to the principal’s office all the time and your parenting will be in question every time. Either step up and raise a smart beautiful young woman who is also your daughter at this point or leave before everyone gets a broken heart. Including yourself.
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Lol you’re the third wheeler that’s why their family falling apart…you home wrecker!
He keeps “ promising” divorce? I see the kids are important to you, but until he actually does get that divorce or legal separation I would run as far as possible! They are still legally married and that usually equals a lot more mess than it’s worth. Run girl, run!
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He will never be 100% yours!! Run,Run!! Blended family is the toughest . A lot of energy through the years of balance. Their home , your home. You already have no patience. Get a family of your own. He is married and those kids whom you love deserve both parents in their life. Bashing does nothing for anyone.
Shouldn’t the dad be more worried? If not I’d be more worried about why the dad ain’t worried??
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The only solution is if he gets a divorce and he gets custody of the children. If he won’t you have to leave or leave now until he gets a divorce
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First off he’s married… that’s enough you shouldn’t know any of the private business between two people who are married.
Keep doing what your doing be there for him and those kids teach whatvisnt being taught
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Well. I understand that you are part of their life but it’s not your business. You are not their parent and really since they arnt divorced makes it harder. You can only be there when you have them and show them love and care. If your s/o thinks things are up he needs to get a divorce and get custody
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Sis if you’ve been with him for year and he still hasn’t divorced her, I think that’s a conversation in itself
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Why doesn’t dad try getting custody? 
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Stay in your lane… let him deal with it. You are the gf, not fiance, step mom. Don’t overstep its not your place at all…
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Sounds like Dad needs to put his foot down with her and you keep doing exactly what you’re doing. Just remember it’s for the kids and noone else!!! The kids didn’t choose any of this.
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What’s the question? Teach the kids stuff, provide whatever they need. Be a good example to them. Leave him if he can’t get this divorce ASAP.
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Teach the children their ABC’s. Teach the daughter good hygiene. Teach them both to be the best they can be. In time, they will pick up the good and drop the bad habits. Never speak ill of the mother around the kids or belittle how she treats them (unless it’s abuse of course, then handle that ish)… If you plan on staying with the BF, then the kids become your responsibility as well as his. Do what you can for them and take it a day at a time. Teach, raise and show them good behavior and they will appreciate and respect you for it. So will everyone else.
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Yea you suck it up and you do it 
You chose that relationship with someone who has kids. Co parenting involves helping the parent weather you like it or not.
Doesn’t matter what the help is. You’re not in a place to bitch when you willingly walking into that life.
It’s diapers. The kid needed them so yes you send them with a damn smile on your face.
Things happen. She probably thought she had enough. Or thought she was getting money elsewhere. Or assumed getting diapers from the kids father wouldn’t be an issue because let’s face it ITS NOT. I hope to god your life is 100% perfect without fail before you bash ANY parent for ANYTHING.
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If you don’t want to deal with all that forever, you should break up now. If you don’t want to break up, they need to get divorced so they can have visitation and everything in writing. If he won’t do that, he’s probably planning on going back to her.
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Stay in your lane, sounds like your being super judgemental. If you feel the children could be worked with more do it and stop complaining on social media.
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You need to ask him what the hold of getting the divorced??? Seem like you mad about that. The daddy can treat her colors and numbers too it’s just not all on her she has two parents. Do you know for sure she didn’t teach her or not??? My cousin got taught to wipe her self but she always just off the toilet when she done.
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First… divorce should have been done before her got a whole GF… (RED FLAG)
Second… dad needs to put his foot down and address this (another red flag)
Third. Sadly you cant speak out much in her eyes your just a temp gf and cant say much but I do suggest you continue to love those kids and let her melt with anger when those kids realize the person she is
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she’s toxic and selfish and he likes it. that’s his wife. you’re boyfriend is her husband. yikes.
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I just wanna know why it’s taking so long for him to divorce her.
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I don’t get why the father hasn’t taught his child how to wipe when going potty, taught the child colors or how to count? Sounds like poster picked a married loser who saw poster as a free babysitter.
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Not enough info given. What does your bf do to help provide for the kids? You mentioned welfare and a whole lot of criticism. There is nothing you can really say that will matter. He is still married? What in the world are you doing.
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I’m gonna keep my comment to myself, but if the person who wrote this, needs advice about the situation, and not judged about the situation. You can send me a message…
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I think most of you forget it costs money to get a divorce 
money that chances are neither have atm.
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I’m sorry, but why is it all the moms fault for not teaching these skills you speak of? 
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Tbh she needs to leave and wait till the divorce to be with him. Bc his wife can take custody of the two kids bc of it. And he can be arrested for cheating on his wife call adultery. Going through the same thing right now and is using my husbands cheating against him so
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Mind your business … You’re JUST a girlfriend …
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Break up, thats the advice for you.
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There’s nothing for you to handle. They are not your kids. He’s not your husband and clearly he’s not serious about you if he’s still married. I get that not everybody has the funds for a divorce but he should at least be going through the motions by now. They are HIS kids. Let him deal with his baby mama and her bullshit. If it gets out of hand encourage him to go to court and get a legit agreement so she doesn’t get anything more or less than what’s agreed. If you’re serious about him and you begin to coparent with him then encourage him to make things official through court if you’re so unhappy.
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Do you have children?
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Nothing that has to do with the children’s situation is remotely as important as why you’re dating a man who hasn’t even filed for divorce yet. Start there. Figure out why you’re ok with dating a married man (or realize that you aren’t actually ok with it) and let the rest fall into place.
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You mean your husband also hasn’t taught his daughter her abcs or colors or how to properly wipe herself? Takes 2 to tango and 2 to coparent. He hasn’t divorced his wife for a reason your just the girlfriend with no commitment so I’d be real careful getting attached to those kids or that man
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Either woman up or jump ship before any more time is invested. If you love them like your own then doing for them like your own shouldn’t be an issue. As far as him promising on that divorce, I wouldn’t hold my breath if he hasn’t already filed he probably isn’t going to.
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Has your bf tried for full custody of the kids if they’re being neglected? I appreciate that as a step parent you’re so concerned but he really has to be the one to make the first steps.
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They’re not going to divorce.
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I dont hear that he is paying child and/or spousal support…if he isnt and she’s just asking for diapers cause she’s got no money you better count your luck stars. she could rock his world.
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Leave.
He is married.
Apparently does not plan on cutting the marital cord.
Leave.
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It sounds like they have the kids a lot
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If I had zero kids with someone like that I’d be gone. You’re lucky that you got a warning period. He doesn’t seem to be in a rush to divorce her & obviously knows that she puts the kids second instead of first. I would bow out now.
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Just do the best you can, work a little extra with them to teach them. Who has custody. Or has them more? Does he pay child support?
Ok, every woman here knows this story. It’s the oldest trick in the book. He will eventually go back to her, you are the temporary piece of ass. Straight up. HE needs tot ale care of his children, that little girl has TWO parents. You need to run as far away from this situation as possible unless you feel like ending up the one who gets dumped, used and treated like shit.
Than when he goes back to her, your going to be just another notch on the belt. Don’t fall for this shit ladies, if he isn’t divorced, he is lying. And your a side chick.
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Ya call child protective services or dump the looser you are with and find greener pastures elsewhere…
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Divorce for sure… he needs to get custody and make sure you save receipts for everything you and the dad buy for the children. Could help if and when there is a custody battle
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Sounds like daddy I’m just want you to be a parent to the kids, otherwise he would be teaching his daughter her collars and ABCs when he has them, so make sure you’re not just a replacement person, anybody can fill that slot. Tread lightly. Otherwise you are not going to change my mind as long as daddy enables her by giving her money
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You’ve been with him a whole year and he’s still married to her? I get that it costs money and whatnot but a year is a long time to be with a married man and not long enough to even have the right to complain about his wife. Why is he not teaching the daughter her letters and colors and all that? It’s not just the mothers responsibility, you do know that right? If you don’t, you shouldn’t be with someone with kids. Js
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Call CPS and file a report against mom if this happening
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You be what those kids need ! When they need it ! That is all ! What she does and when or how is not your concern ! Documentation is your best bet because if the time ever comes when your fighting for custody every bit matters ! Good luck Bonus Mom !
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How long have you 2 been together?
ALL THE FLAGS GIRL ALLLLLLL THE FLAGS!!!
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I would not be with a guy who was still legally married. Run while you can
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That’s the boyfriend problem not yours js lol
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#1, the child not knowing how to wipe or their letters/colors is BOTH parents fault!
#2, RUN! Do not lower yourself to be involved with a MARRIED MAN!
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Their father needs to report her and take the kids.
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Walk away. You cannot fix this
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Has your boyfriend tried to do any of the stuff you are saying she isn’t doing? Shes his kid too…
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