In 2017 my daughter asked to move in with her Dad and stepmom, so we reworked our custody agreement so that she could attend school where they lived at the time. Fast forward three years- my ex-husband never contacts me himself, it’s always his wife; she’s very vocal in telling me what I can and cannot do with my own child. Recently they gave my daughter a cellphone; she’s allowed to text them, her sister, and her friends but not me. If we want to talk, it has to be done through her stepmothers phone while she’s listening to the conversation bc my daughter is on speakerphone. My daughter has to bring her phone with her on her visits with me, and if she does not answer their calls or texts, she gets in trouble. Am I wrong for making the decision to get my daughter’s phone from her the next time she visits and hand it back to them and tell them that if they want to interrupt my time with her, they can contact her via my phone? There’s a lot going on with our parenting situation, but this issue takes the cake right now.
Tell his wife to butt out.
Wow o hell no first of all she the step mom isn’t to tell you Jack shit period .second your daughter is to be able to call you 24 × 7 period 3 if there’s a problem with 1 or 2 then the daughter moves back home with mom no its and or butts about it
Nope you’re not wrong!!
Um u need to tell his wife that u and YOUR daughter need to have private conversations without her. And honestly I’d ask ur daughter if shes truly happy living there. Id also get her a cellphone for ur home to have for u and her
She didn’t grow and birth your daughter, yes she’s involved in her life but she has no right to tell you what’s going to happen with your daughter. Absolutely not okay
I would definitely have a private conversation with her and ask her if she still likes that living arrangement.
You are not wrong! That’s real effed up they don’t allow you and her to text, you’re her mom. It’s not like you lost custody of her, you allowed the living situation for school. So yeah your house your rules, hand that phone back and close the door in their faces.
You need to have a talk with dad one on one.
Your not wrong. And i would hand them back the cell phone.
If you have a custody agreement you can go to the courts and tell them what she is doing. It should be a violation that she has to be on speakerphone in order to speak with you. I wouldn’t allow this to continue. They can add phone time to your custody agreement. Private phone time
She is stepmother and she does live with her majority of the time? I would tell her if your daughter is old enough to have a cell phone then she should be aloud to speak to her mother on it! The stepmother does need to learn her place she is not the mother you are and she needs to respect you. Or it will turn into your daughter speaking to you the same way she does. I would talk to your daughter and see of she is happy there if not I would move into custody battle bc the stepmom sounds like she will put up a fight.
Sounds like you should do what you said, and also talk to your daughter about coming back to your house. Like have a deep conversation to her and tell her that she isn’t in trouble and you need to know if any abuse or controlling is happening because it sounds like there is. If she was old enough to make the decision to live with her father a couple years ago, she’s definitely old enough now to change her mind. Also, I would make it clear that you won’t sit there and listen to the conversations she has on your phone if you hand it back to them. Explain that you don’t want her getting in trouble when she’s busy having fun at your house just because she doesn’t respond to them. It’s your time. She can talk to them if she wants, but at the same time she shouldn’t be getting in trouble for not responding.
Agreed with JosephnJackie Esquivel. Take it to the courts. They won’t like that and she would most likely be held in contempt of the agreement
It sounds to me like her stepmom is afraid of your daughter saying anything stepmom might not like. I would have a serious conversation with your daughter the next time you have her and ask her if there’s anything going on or anything you need to know about that she wouldn’t feel comfortable saying in front of her stepmom. She is YOUR daughter after all, and should be allowed to speak to you without her stepmom hovering over her shoulder
You’re not wrong. This woman is overstepping her boundaries and you need to let her know as such.
Not wrong at all. Thats your daughter.
Your not wrong but it does sound alarming and she’s a very controlling woman, I wouldn’t stand for it I’d be wanting things changed and her father shouldn’t be allowing this it’s weird and wrong.
I would have a long talk with the father . W.
Am I the only one who thinks this is parental alienation? I would talk to her dad and if it can’t be resolved get court’s involved. That’s a toxic environment!
I would talk to them personally because the lines being crossed by this witch
I would tell them to fuck off too🤷 that’s really overstepping boundaries and your ex husband knows that which is why he’s too scared to contact you himself to see HIS OWN KID. Throw that whole situation away. Of course if he wants to see her, let it happen if YOUR DAUGHTER wants to go and if she doesn’t, there’s your confirmation right there!
You have every right to do something about this
Step mother has become a control freak. Talk to your child , now
Thats wrong put your foot down your momma and you guys have a court agreement if its a unsupervised visits they have no place to be doing what they are doing
When you get her hand that phone right back to them that’s your time and if they need her they can call you… and I’d put your number in her phone and tell her she can CALL OR TEXT YOU anytime and if it’s an issue her DAD can call you . She sounds worried
Sounds like step mommy is afraid daughter might say something… I would definitely be bringing mama bear out…
I was abused by my stepmom as a child and I was only allowed to have “supervised” phone calls with my other parents and relatives. Sounds like she doesn’t want your daughter to say something. Not saying that’s always the case, but it’s a huge red flag none the less.
That is disgusting sounds like the step mum is trying to strip you of being a mum
I would definitely have them the phone back when you have her. That is your time and not theirs and you should be able to talk to her without extra ears.
Huge red flag mom HUGE
Wow… I would have kicked off by now so well done for being a whole lot more mature than me… but something needs to be said & I think your heading on the right lines of saying stick the phone when she’s in your company because she is very lucky your clearly a calm person! I would have shoved that phone down her neck & took my daughter back!!!
Has your daughter told them something alarming about you? That you’re abusive or neglectful ?
Sounds like you need to take control as the mother; go back to court! And speak to her father and only her father regarding the nonsense rules his wife!
Id contact the courts and tell them what has been happening. This is unacceptable and so long as you have the kiddo, they can’t be doing that crap. Also, she’s YOUR child, not that woman’s.
Umm Sorry what?? I’d be telling step-mom to back the hell off YOU are her Mother
That “father” sounds like a wimp who needs to hear from Your Attorney.
Oh heck no. Unless the courts have said you must have supervised contact, this is ridiculous. Who has custody? What is the parenting agreement?
She needs to but the f out and he needs to deal w shit… Take your kid back
Ma’am in NO STATE in the UNITED STATES does a Step parent have ANY Parental RIGHTS, ZERO ! This is Parental Alienation, The next time you have your child hand them the phone back, They can contact the child through you, and LAWYER UP IMMEDIATELY
That’s appalling I would not stand for that like that’s your daughter not hers. I’d give her a phone from you and talk to her on that and when she comes to you. You take that phone and see how they like it. This is disgusting behaviour on their behalf I’m surprised you daughter isn’t wanting to come home. They sound super controlling.
You need to put your foot down. You are the mother. I think I would be talking to a lawyer, since dad seems willing to let his wife be in charge
Damn… thats controlling af.
However. Hand the phone back on the hand off of the child, dont take it its not your property.
Talk with the court.
Revisit that custody agreement. The agreement was with your ex husband not his wife! Something’s going on
No no no. Sorry if I was in your shoes I would speak to them as adults and if they want to get wild we can do that. I have no problem in taking you to court. If your kid wants to speak to you unless court ordered no contact than by George they can talk to you. Got shit fucked up if another woman gonna come in and try to take me out the picture, my kids will always be MY kids try me sorry but it’s the truth
His wife shouldn’t have nothing to do with you and your ex and yalls child tell her to but out
Tf, no one and I mean no one would tell me when I could talk to my own daughter!! I’d get a cheep phone that just called me till its figured out through court.
Sounds toxic. Poor parenting for sure. I would talk to the father about it. As her mother you do have say.
Get a lawyer. Adjust your parenting agreement. Definitely address this before it gets worse because this is not okay. I get wanting to monitor calls, but you’re her mother; not the stepmom. Unless she’s written into that parenting agreement, they’re in violation of it. Fighting fire with fire isn’t always effective, but you know the situation better than we do. Go with your gut mama.
Sounds crazy…surprised they even let her bring her phone to your house
Shouldn’t have let her go live with them. Kids don’t know, what’s best for xxv them.
Go back to court and get something in on paper cause they aren’t going to pay you any mind
How old is this daughter? I’m only asking because she should have a say. And no step parent is going to keep my daughter from talking to me.
I would 100% make her leave their phone with them when she comes home.
And fuck that step mom
My evil ass step mom was exactly like that!!! Fucking mean cow would always make me be on speakerphone with my mom. If I didn’t she would come rip the phone away from me and start yelling at my mom.
My dad bowed down to that bitch and I hated it. She’d always say weird ass shit to me like “you’re not the little angel your dad thinks you are!!” I was like 9 and didn’t understand why the fuck she was talking to me like that.
Do not let that bitch talk to you or run shit like that. Fuck her and her phone lol
Could you not set up a group chat? Myself and my ex and his fiancé all chat through this …works so well for us all …just a thought x
She needs to fall back and learn her place I’ll be whole damned
It’s a waste of money, but get her a cellphone that YOU pay for. Legally, they can’t take the phone or restrict it when she is there.
You are the mother! I would highly suggest you revisit the custody agreement.
Step mum has no rights over yours and your ex’s child. Sounds like the step mum is just trying to have all the power and control everything
What do they not want her to tell you? That would be my very first thought
Dress up in dark clothes and wait for a moonless night. Have an alibi.
Wowww…I would be beating that bitches ass. No body tells a parent when or how they can talk to their child.
They sound a lot like my ex and his girlfriend. We have 50/50 and my son is not allowed to contact me during " their time" if I call, they won’t answer or text. All I ask for is a quick mid week hello, how are you call. I have always told my son that he can call his dad whenever he wants when he is at my house. What they are doing is a form of control and parental alienation. But guess what, it will backfire on them. Children are smart. They know who supports them emotionally and who doesn’t. My son now keeps asking when he gets to decide who he lives with permanently because he doesn’t want to be there anymore.
From being an out sider and looking in on a similar experience. Don’t forget to put her first. It’s unfair for her to cope the blow once you are not around. Yes it is unfair on you but you don’t have to live with the nightmare day in day out. If you aren’t happy with the arrangement file to change the custody agreement
Go back to your lawyer. Your child absolutely has the right to talk to you privately
Sounds like my ex and his girlfriend she’s controls everything but I don’t her don’t think you have any right over my son back off bitch…I don’t care if you control him he’s just a trash bag farther…no one will tell me or listen to my child and I conversation…I would leave the phone in the car she wouldn’t even bring it to my house they would have to call your phone your house your rules
Revisit that custody order honestly. Step mom needs to butt out imo she’s not her mother
The stepmom is overstepping her boundaries. Nothing a good b:÷*#slap won’t fix seriously, her dad needs to man up. I bet money that she’s the jealous, controlling type. He’s her dad, you’re her mom. End of discussion
You need to go back to court and get the custody agreement fine tuned with all this addressed. You are all adults and should be acting like it, but this is petty behavior children display.
I would go back to court. Because of the issues you are having… In my custody agreement it has that the step parents are NOT to interfere with making parenting decisions. It also states that anytime one of us calls to talk to our daughter we have to pick up ( if able) & we are to give them private time. It even goes far to the extent to where her dad and I are not allowed to talk bad about one another infront of her.
Even though my daughter lives with me, I went through the same thing with the step mother trying to interfere with decisions and it is not fun!
Throw that phone as far as you can throw it and get your custody back
First get a good attorney to revisit the custody agreement. They are violating your parental rights. Second I would absolutely follow the course of action uou mentioned. I am also curious as to the age of your daughter and her feelings on this issue.
I could understand if you were an absent parent who just saw the kid randomly rather than being an active parent. Sounds like step-mom has control issues and enjoys manipulation. I would revise the parental agreement
Why have you let them overrule you for 3 years? You’re the mother. Step up and take control
I would tell her to step all the way back
I’d take them to court. You’re the mother, your child should be allowed to call her own mother any time! That’s bullshit
Sorry to be blunt. Get your child back.
GET YOUR DAUGHTER BACK!!! Asap
I think the phone should have been something you guys agreed on. If it were me I would give them the phone when she’s at your house. I think it’s wrong that you can’t make a call to her on her phone but they can call her phone when she’s with you.
That’s completely fucked up . Something’s going on that they don’t want you to know about and that’s fucked up, it’s seems like they’re basically trying to keep you from her or hide her
Depends on the age of the child hugs
Get her a phone from and for you.
You don’t say how old the child is and why she chose to go live with her dad and stepmother. The stepmom seems like a controlling bitch !
Why did you just give your kid up ?
This sounds really toxic. I feel bad for your poor daughter
First how old is your daughter and why did she choose to live with dad and has she asked to come back to live with you?
Fight for her custody and get your baby back…
A conversation needs to be had asap!! Seriously where is her father in all of this?? Not right at all and she’s waaaaay overstepping her boundaries
That wouldn’t fly with me, I’d fuck her up. I’d take that to court
The stepmom isn’t a part of the custody agreement and needs to step WAAAAAY the hell back.
Hopefully you changed only the physical custody and not legal custody–if you did you need to get an attorney right away.
There has to be something more to this. The daughter wanted to live with their dad and they monitor the phone calls with you… there has to be more to this.
Yep, sounds fair to me.
Make peace when she gets old enough to make her own decisions my advice smile hug ur kid let them know ur there let nature take its course
Leave her phone with Dad,when she comes to You. I cant imagine what is so important to interrupt your visit. Bet it can wait till your visits over.
Um most state parenting laws say that NEITHER parent or step parent is to interfere with the child’s communication with the other parent AT ANY TIME…
I would be putting step mother in her place, which is BEHIND You & Dad. & Inform them that your child will speak to you & her father at any time that is “convenient for your daughter”. Period.
You are her mother you have parental responsibility for your daughter.That give you the right legally to do what you believe to be in your daughters best interest,be involved in any major decision making concerning your daughter.to be informed of anything important about your daughter ie. medical,school,holidays etc.
I don’t like the sound of the stepmom.i think she’s pushing her boundaries.who does she think she is.
This stepmother not letting your daughter have you number on her phone and having her conversations with you monitored in my eyes is emotional abuse.
Your poor daughter. I hope you sort things out.
The step mom sounds like a control freak… She shouldn’t be handling anything. You’re ex husband needs to step up and not only be a man but a father… And handle the situation himself without the mother being a manipulative control freak.
Definitely go to court first, that’s parental alienation and considered abuse.
Step Mum is too involved, she needs to take a step back
But i don’t know the whole situation, so can’t really offer advice except to speak with your daughter and her father together about new rules regarding phone usage.
I don’t believe this during convo needs to be done with step mother present, she is co parenting your child but she should not have actually authority on such matters concerning talking on the phone to her actual mother .
That’s crazy. Step mom would have been told to kiss my ass. I’d be going back to court and my daughter would be moving back in with me. Period.
Tell the step mother to fuk off. You birthed your daughter not her. I’d personally scul drag her
Wow that poor kid…is the school really worth all that…the stepmom really forgot her role…I give my daughter another which is childish so most likely not the best idea…bring your kid home…that stepmom looking for reasons…move to that school district…