I will just say 1 thing. Dnt depend on that guy who is so botherless. You do every thing yourself. just think that his father is not there. I feel so bad for your son. It’s painfull if someone let’s you down
Sounds like you’re doing as much as you possibly can. And doing everything right. Just keep doing what your doing. Your son is already forming his own opinion.
We took Guardianship of my nephew, a few years ago. He had a relationship with his dad and we allowed him to maintain it. I had a talk with the dad and told him that all I wanted was for him to keep his promises when he invited him over, etc. Never had a problem.
Have two of everything. Costly? Maybe. (They have used sports stores). Worth it in the end. I get you want to put the onus on him. And it should be. But he’s not reliable. He’s selfish. And it’s not worth upsetting yourself or your son. Just get two. Best of luck!!
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My ex does the same thing ,he’s very selfish only thinks of himself
Just stay the good guy, support your son, don’t make excuses for your ex but say I’m sorry this happened I wish I could fix it. Try setting up a family meeting with everyone. Tell your son to tell him how he feels. One of two things will happen, things will improve or not. Your son will literally get to the point between 13 and around 20 something that he blows his top and tells your ex off. Then of course you’ll get the blame for a while, then eventually they attempt to understand. No easy way out here.
Protect your child from that idiot. Also remind the idiot that his child is the person who will choose to send him to the nursing home instead of taking care of him someday.
You are not silly. Although you probably cant change any of it. Thank goodness your son can count on you. You might ask in a calm neutral way, what it is like to be someone who cant be counted on, of your son’s dad. Or not, since it wont change anything. Maybe it will alleviate your feelings a little, and maybe that is worth it. Up to you.
First of all there is a real easy fix for all this, you ex husband needs to have all the hockey supplies at his house and you should have your own set of hockey supplies at your house…when he is with dad or dad take him he uses the stuff from dad’s house. When he is with you he uses all the hockey stuff from your house. Your ex sounds like a real dead beat dad, letting down his own son is disgusting and hurtful. Your son is already learning that his dad makes empty promises and not to trust him. I would also ease back on being best buddies with your ex and his wife as they seem to be taking you for granted. You can still be friendly towards each other but that’s it. The only thing that you should be talking about when you see each other is your son…nothing else.
Deadbeat dad = breaking son’s heart.
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Wow, your 9 year old sees his dad for the 
that he is. How sad 
Your husband is being selfish and thoughtless and hockey isn’t your responsibility, it’s his legally and he’s taking advantage and neglecting his son. Have a come to Jesus moment with him about cleaning up his act or you’ll have to go back to court.
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He’s a selfish jerk.
Hey I’m helping with the 10k grant if anyone interested inbox me
I think you are right about that
Sounds like more organisation and communication id needed.
Stop depending on undependable people
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Im living the same life.
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Omg that would piss me of big time!!
Stick to the court rules
To bad you have to deal with. 
I loved the term STEP UP DAD. What a beautiful name for the man that is there for your child. Reassure your child that both you and his Step up dad will always do your best to never let him down. He will figure out on his own that his father can’t be counted on. I didn’t have to tell my son he soon came to that realization on his own. After 45 years he still hasn’t changed.
Its in August. Well maybe not. Hell i dont know. I dont think its started because stac usually go back nefore zoe goes.
At 9 years old having experiences with a male father figure is important if his father is not interested in making memories with his son just let the step dad step in anytime his father promises and don’t come through ask his step dad to do it with him try that a few times and see what happens. Your son is old enough to realize his father is not dependable then he’s old enough to appreciate when his step dad steps in.
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I feel sorry for this child, you are putting him in adult situations. The fact that all of this revolves around financial and material issues and you trying to control your Ex and his girl, is the petty part.
If the hockey situation is that important to you, then make sure you have everything he needs too, as back up.
Take this child out of the adult BS. He shouldn’t know anything, to have said that his dad needs to grow up. I could have been as simple as… Dad had somethings come up but no worries we will make it work.
Then the Disney crap… If you can’t be better at showing your child that all this material crap isn’t needed and that his Dad loves him no matter what, then you need to evaluate yourself.
Learn to be a minimalist and teach your children about life and love instead.
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I totally understand the frustration, unfortunately I have to deal with a lot of this as well. It’s hard to understand why the other parent can’t (or won’t) keep up with the importance of all things that pertain to their child. I don’t see this as being petty to expect the other parent to do their part in ensuring their child has whatever they are supposed to have no matter which household they are in at the time. Why must it be seen as such an inconvenience/struggle for one parent to do what’s needed…yet it’s expected of the other to pick up the slack and keep everything in order… My kiddo has had to play the “adult” role for so long that he has a built in guilt system when things go awry with his father. I have to remind him he is the child, not the adult(parent) he is not the responsible party for everything! And just last night he was having one of his late night talks with me about broken promises…I told him honestly (I talk openly with him, he’s been through more than most kids and feels things on a deeper level, I don’t lie or sugarcoat things to him) that you can’t trust what people say, it matters what people actually do. Actions speak louder than words. I’ve always told my boys “say what you mean, and mean what you say” because there are even so many adults who don’t seem to understand the importance of what they say to their kids as well as what they do or don’t do have lasting effects. Since last Oct/Nov I’ve utilized therapy for my son because unfortunately sometimes we have to find ways to cope/deal with those around us that we can’t change and who won’t change things for others well being. Realizations that I wish my then 8 year old didn’t have to learn so early. There is a lot to his story as well. And I wish there was a quick fix all answer for these issues but the sad truth is there aren’t any. I’m always the “bad guy” in our situation but my son knows he can & does rely on me, feels safe & validated enough to open up to me and never has to question where he stands in my life. The hostility towards me isn’t because of me directly it’s their defensiveness because they make themselves look/sound bad thanks to their actions or lack there of. It’s not wrong of us to be upset at them because ultimately they are causing undue frustration and hurt to our kiddos…mommas take it hard seeing their kids go through things they can’t fix
Yes you’re being silly. I’m sure his dad loves him he’s allowed to vacation with his new lady. Stop feeding things to your son. My kids dad is not the best dad but I’ve never told them anything bad about him. So Till this day they still love and care for their dad. Worried about a game try Father’s Day Christmas birthdays. My kids are still fine because I’m not bitter and I’m teaching them life the right way. They are happy and healthy and smart🙏🏽
Minor inconveniences. Annoying and inconsiderate but life.
Focus on taking care of your kid, not fixing his Dad. He’s involved and trying…Count your blessings
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I think she is just fed up with the dad and the fiancée they are not being as responsible as they should be when it come to the child. They are going on these weekend trips and they make sure they have everything that they need but they are not making sure that the child has everything that he needs. I don’t think that she is worried about neither one of them she just want everything to be 50-50. She is trying to be civilized but it’s hard because she feel she is the only one being civil.
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Get your sons gear and stop allowing the bs. Give dad the bills for what you’ve has to buy
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Leave the dad alone, doesn’t he have a step-dad, time for him to step up and fill those dad shoes. Have him fill in when the real dad is off living his life. Nothing wrong when the step dad, not you, fills in on priceless moments that turn into memories for your 9 yr old…face it, sometimes you’re wrong.
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buy new gear keep it at your place, bill the father and call it a day. If he gets pissed off then bring up the court stuff
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I wouldn’t worry your son will know in the end who he can trust and count on tell your x u want to be reimbursed for what u payed out if not keep receipt show to judge or lawyers but really keep kids out of adult stuff
Ok. I’ve got 3 boys. There dad, just left. Mom left.
If I can arrange to be at every baseball, tennis, soccer, karate, play, football, chorus, church group, mall trips, overnights, times 3. AND THESE PARENTS CAN’T DO CHECK LISTS, CALANDAR, PLAN AHEAD, SOMETHING IS WRONG!!
Did I mention, I’m grandma?
***mom, it might be up to dad, but he’s your son too!! OBVIOUS dad is a deadbeat.
Stop saying you’re friends. He’s taking advantage. Your son is suffering.
Believe me your son knows who is there and who isn’t. Let the stepdad step up and fill in. Buy the skates and send him the receipt. You never have to bad mouth the father to a kid. You should never do that. Not saying you would. Kids are so smart. I had a wonderful stepdad. He passed away 2 years ago. I think about him everyday. He was the best stepdad in the world. I don’t think step parents get enough credit.
Omg. I think you’re talking about my ex. Lol
Buy him a spare pair of skates and submit the bill to Dad. Dont let your Son miss out on what he loves.
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Do what you think you need to do if you can’t step up his responsibilities then f*** them maybe his girlfriend had something to do with this you know some girlfriends jealous of Ex-Wives maybe that’s what the problem is the girl friends
Your sons gotta be your best friend and friend before the dad. Ur boy has confided in you and u gotta step up and say things you don’t have to be mean about it obviously, but you should talk to them when they get back. Both of em tell your son what ur doing if u feel he should know and ask if he wants u to ask if him n dad could step aside for their own. You sound like ur trying to do the right thing by everyone but that little boy doesn’t have a frown up voice yet…
I hate how these comments won’t hold dad accountable for being a parent. What it sounds like is the father isn’t interested. It’s sad.
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You have every right to be upset. His father should have made sure his child stuff is all together for the game.
Not silly… however you should look into some family therapy if your son’s feeling a type of way… a broken fam isnt easy living in regardless if the parents married other people… I can tell it’s frustrating but if you’re not going to uphold the court papers then that becomes a personal problem you created
Have a conversation with you, your ex and your son. Have your son tell his dad how he feels and encourage him to tell him exactly how he feels. LASTLY ur ex was stranded…? Anyone help him get home? Maybe then your son would have his stuff?
I feel you but I think the best thing to do is have 2 of everything. I know that’s super expensive but it will save you and your son from disappointment and you will not have to depend on bio dad.
Not only do they have to travel last minute, they don’t have his equipment! What if they didn’t have the money to do both, or either? Dad just should not have flaked on his kid is the real issue.
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Show him who’s boss mumma.
The son is saying his Dad " needs to grow up" because he likely heard it from mom. Be grateful for the time Dad does spend with your son. He does better than those that are no contact and never pay child support. You can be disgusted but keep it to yourself or vent to a girlfriend. Your son will make his own decisions about his Dad.
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Your son said it all ," his Dad needs to grow up" if a 9 yr old can see it, it’s past trying to stay “friends” with your ex, think of your son ,I Know you do ,I can tell in your voice, but the ex and fiance are using you make them accountable for their actions and don’t take their crap any more,Hope things work out🤗
Lessons learnt on a daily basis. Always have your child bring his “equipment “ home after any outings with irresponsible dad so responsible mom can take care of things. This has always been an ongoing issue with coparenting.
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He’s not going to be a kid forever and he will look back on who took care of him. Keep doing what you all are doing. He appreciates it.
Let dad continue to be a jerk, let him continue to make empty promises. Let your son know, not all people live up their promise, and now you feel the after effects of breaking a promise. It won’t effect the immediate response,however it teaches him the effects of promises broken. Your son will hang dad with his own rope, he is learning what his dad does or doesn’t do. He also sees who picks up the pieces and is always there. You can not change another person’s actions, all you have control is how you deal with them. Dad is only hurting himself in the end, and how you handle this will determine if your a saint or another one of them.
Is best to reassure your son, that no matter what goes on with his dad. He always will have you:heart: n your husband. Kids love to hear that they will always have the parent the loves them the most:100:
You have every right to feel annoyed and upset ,unfortunately there’s nothing you can do about it except make things easier for your household
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Tell yr son the truth. Its always the best thing to do. He cannot depend on his promises or even small things like making sure HIS son has all his equip when needed. But he can always depend on his step dad who in reality is above board as a dad. Yr son will come to terms with the truth. Children are very resilient . Been there done that.
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Sometimes we expect things from people who cannot give what they don’t have. They won’t even understand the frustration they make their kids go thru. My advise is for you to take full responsibility on the boys activities. Your son will grow,see and learn what can he expect from his father, what to expect from mom and also that it takes a real man to be a daddy like his step dad has done for him. Counseling would be wonderful to help him(your son) understand and be less painful for him. Best of luck💫
Continue being there for your son. He will unfortunately grow up to realize his dad makes empty promises to him and turn more towards your husband now.
He has anoher woman they always forget their own children
Sound exactly like my EX broken promises all the time …. We had to change visitation order because of my child’s heart break!
Thank god he’s your x now take care of your family because the x will get his in the end all kids grow up and they don’t forget who did for them been there just like you
You are WAY over reacting. Hockey sticks and weekend’s away. I’m sure you’ve been running late or something similar in your life.
Children remember these times & form their own relationship & memories of everything. They know who have their back when it is neede.
Your son’s father is the one missing out and, unfortunately, will be on the other end of it one day. I have 3 sons by my ex. He has made so many empty promises, told them lies, missed so many important events, etc that none of my sons have anything to do with him. My oldest says he loves him, but just doesn’t know him, so it’s hard to try to talk with him. My youngest has heard the stories of abuse, but not experienced it, yet he has had so many disappointments and been hurt so many times that he won’t even talk to his father. My middle son has a young son of his own and the empty promises continue, so no relationship there.
While they were young and until they became teenagers I kept the line of communications open. At that point, it was their decision and it’s unanimous… they don’t want him in their lives. (They are 27, 37, 40… nothing has changed)
I’m really glad your husband loves and treats him like his own!! Sooooo important.
I think your thoughts, reactions are normal. I’m also impressed with your attitude, which is hard to maintain.
As long as you don’t treat or talk badly about him to your son, then he will be able to figure it out and make his own decisions. (And you won’t be blamed or have any guilt or regrets)
I think your son is responsible for all his things. It’s he’s game so he should have checked if he had all his things. You have a great set up bring your son to the party.
Rent some hockey skates for the game and present the bill to your Son’s Father, along with the cost of the new stick. Your son obviously see his Father for what he is.
If he isn’t doing what was court ordered take him back to court
A lot men don’t know the meaning of responsibility-amd they don’t grasp that these 18 years will fly by and they lose bc kid is old enough to realise the loser his dad really is-and step mom-their needs and wants take priority
Buy him the skates and stick and move on. Your son will know what’s going on.
You just do your job, don’t bad mouth the dad in front of him. Your son will know who was always there for him. Some dad huh?
Kids are smart. My son was in a situation similar to yours. My son got tired of being ghosted and decided not to count on his dad anymore. If he made it to a game fine… if he didn’t show up… so be it. My son knew the man that raised him would always be there for him. I stayed OUT of the games that my X played. Easier on our family and my nerves~
What a horrible situation. Many kids go through this. It’s nor uncommon but it doesn’t make it better.
Empathize but don’t put wood on the flames. Its getting him to come to the realization his dad is who he is.
I would get him some therapy as soon as you can. He might be uncomfortable talking to someone so you can say you will go in. You can just stay through the intro and leave when he feels ok with it
Unfortunately your going have to deal with it and stay quiet until your son realises how this man treats him,and then when your son decides he doesnt want or need him in his life ,you can back your son up fully .
You should ask for full custody
Don should give up On this moron and rely on the dad who has brought him up and is a much better example for your older son.
Don’t depend on his dad if you know he’s a flake. You need to handle it all if you want yours on to play hockey and be happy. Let his dad be a bum. Your son will find that out soon enough when he’s older
Your ex is hurting your son. Go back to court and get his responsibilities enforced so that your son is not disappointed. Your son’s belongings should remain with you and your son, not his irresponsible bio-dad! Bio-dad’s financial responsibilities should be enforced by the court as well. Your son should not be victimized by your ex!