My brother in law is extremely overbearing, or is, is it my husband? So my husband and his brother are close. That’s great for them. But the entirety of our relationship, his brother has always been in our business. When we got together years ago, they lived in the same house with their parents. His brother was non stop in hubby’s bedroom, I mean ALWAYS. We always tried to hint at him to leave, but he would just sit at the end of the bed and be on his phone. Super weird, in my opinion. But anyway, when we finally moved out on our own, I made it very clear to hubby that this was our home and his brother can not just come over whenever he pleases as I have two children to take care of(from the previous relationship) and it’s just not his house. My hubby was fine with that, but what’s annoying is he would just go to his parent’s house every single day to hangout with his brother. I mean literally every single day. I continued to voice my opinion on it because why are we together if he can’t make time for me but can make time for his brother every single day. Well fast forward, I’m pregnant with our first child together, and to say this pregnancy has been a drag would be an understatement. Every night hubby gets home from work. If he doesn’t go to his parent’s house first, he is on FaceTime with his brother. EVERY SINGLE DAY! I have voiced my opinion on how it would be nice if he could slow it down a bit and take some time for me, especially since I’m pregnant. He’s been saying, “okay babe, I’ll change,” and yet nothing new. About two weeks ago, his brother got a job at hubby’s work. So now every single morning and every night his brother is in my home, invading my space because they have been carpooling, which makes no sense because his brother has to drive 20-30 minutes out of his way to come here in the morning first. All of this has created serious tension between hubby’s brother and me as I can’t stand him anymore cause he thinks he’s entitled to everything in my home, and he thinks he should get my husband’s attention before me. My question is, how can I talk to my husband? How can I get him to understand? We have a baby coming in less than three months, and I’m afraid this behavior is going to continue when the baby comes, and with me having to get a c section, I’m really going to need hubby’s help.
seems like your husband doesn’t see an issue with the situation and is enabling the behavior. i definitely would talk to your husband about it, but if he doesn’t have an issue with that… then its gonna be a tough convo
Nope. You chose this. Youre staying and now youre pregnant. This should be no surprise to you at this point
I’m sorry but that’s just wrong. Time for you to talk to both of them at the same time. Put your foot down or it’s just going to get worse…
Have you tried talking to the mother in law?
You knew this and opted to have a child with him anyways.
This should have been brought up before you ever married.
Are you sure their even brothers lol
Why would talking more change? You’re hubby showed you already with his actions what’s important and that he doesn’t want to change. Listen to actions. Not words.
I heard of mama’s boys this is a new one.
Being close to family is good.
This close No, I would Not be in this situation
Just strange🤨talk to both
I have twin brothers who are close but nothing like your problem! I don’t know what to say other then its really kinda weird. The brother should know your boundaries and should have some of his own. Sounds like he needs to find a gf.
Wow that’s tough! You have already spoke your concerns. You have to decide ( stay or leave). No action to change the situation he don’t care how you feel.
I see you creating this issue. So he’s close with his brother, at least it’s not the maid or babysitter. You knew they were close prior to be married and your acting a little over barring and jealous. You can never be someone’s whole world it’d just make you both crazy. Try getting some friends and enjoy yourself and your children without always begging to be seen by a man who’s probably scared to shits having his first child and really depending on his brother for support! I say stand down be grateful get to know your brother in law and show your husband some support and maybe they’ll do the same
So it’s been like this since day one and you expect him to change?
Start being really nice to the brother, more than your husband, (no funny business) that will get your husband to kick him out
So you’re partner isnt in a relationship with you. Hes in a relationship with his brother !
Mmm it is bit over the top time to sit down and talk I think
sounds like they are not brothers at all…o ka re baratani hela ba ba serious
Is it that bad that he is close to his brother? So they carpool to work and it bothers you? I think you need to chill a little.
Tell your husband his brother made a pass at you and kissed you…that should do it
I would just pack up his shit, drop it off at his parents house, and when he got home and asked where his stuff was, tell him to go back home since he doesn’t know how to grow up.
My husband, a few years before we got married, couldn’t grow up. He would skip work to play video games and I would get stuck paying his bills. I did it and let’s just say he changed his tune real quick.
Sounds like they’ve had some uh weird shit happen as kids…
I know it’s too late but why get pregnant with a guy like that, he has already made his choice and it’s not you
You’ve already told him. Sounds like you should of put your foot down along time ago. Not trying to be harsh but he’s showed you who he is
Obviously he’s not going to. Sounds like you have a choice to make.
They have a family secret😩 something happened between them or still happening or something happened with a family member. And he can’t stay away from his brother.
Actions speak louder than words. Sounds like you’ve both tried words. If you have a problem with the relationship that he has with his brother, you need to confront your problem with it. He doesn’t seem to have a problem with it, therefore he is not changing the relationship.
It sounds like you’ve already spoken to your husband several times about this but nothing has changed, big mistake alot of women make is thinking a man will change, if I was in your place I’d sit both men down & tell them respectfully exactly what you want & expect, if they don’t respect your wishes you only have 2 choices; stay & deal with it as it is or leave…
Why does everyone air their dirty laundry out here if it’s a problem go to specalist
Honestly, you knew what it would be going into it.
You can either accept it as it is (and has been since day one), you can sit both men down and calmly explain your feelings/needs to them OR you can walk away.
Not alot of options, really…
Sit them both down and lay down the law, you need your husband
He’s already made HIS CHOICE. Now what’s yours?
Look i would say leave him tell him to move out asap u dont need a boy u need a man
It might be a situation where if he wont listen to you then if you have somewhere to go then I’d leave for a bit. He probably thinks that you will just always stay no matter what. Leave for a little bit, his actions then will determine what kind of man he is.
I am in the same situation but its my husbands sister she even moved acroos the street and works with him. I know hoe you feel. I tried to talk to mine but it didnt work he just gets mad at me. So I’ll pray for your situation as I do mine. Only God can help
Jealousy is a nasty trate abd thats what this boils down to, you’re jealous and bitter because him and his brother are close, noubt wrong with that at all and if it was 2 sister’s know one would bat an eye lid.
I’d ask him why he married you if he doesn’t want to be with you or do nothing more than just sleep at the home the two of you share.
Listen darlin, he’s already showing you which relationship is more important…RUN!!
You already know what to do. You don’t need validation from strangers on the internet.
Jealous much? They have a close sibling relationship, the brother may feel like you took him too, hence why the drive daily. Gives him time with his brother without you bitching.
He made enough time to have sex with you and you obviously DIDN’T make plans to not get pregnant by him!! I’m not feeling too bad for you
This doesn’t sound like brotherly love… This sounds like they’re in a relationship… They probably not even brothers…
This kind of problem I had too with my.husband eventually it became toxic and they drifted apart but when it was happening it drove me nuts i know what.your going thru.u need to have a heart to heart.talk with.him if u mean anything to him hell understand if not u have a desicion to make your not saying hes to stop seeing his bro all together but everyday 24 n seven that’s crazy so try it if not move on good luck
You knew this when you dated, when you moved in together, when you got married, and now you’re pregnant and expect it to change why? It’s odd, for sure, but you’ve dealt with it this entire time, so it’s on you. I’m not being rude, I’m being honest. I don’t understand why people think someone should change for them.
I would rather my husband hang out with his brother than be at the club or it could be worse if he was talking to another woman. His brother has always been then and will continue to be there even after you are gone. It would be really terrible to cause a wedge between them because of you. I think maybe you should get some friends and then it wouldn’t be so bothersome.
For the first time I am so confused as to what advice to give because I am yet to understand the kind of relationship both brothers share that ignores boundaries.
Women do this with their sisters, a lot and no one blinks an eye. I find it too much either way. Maybe you and the brother could form a friendship, I mean he will be your child’s uncle. It could be beneficial to all of you and he may just end up being that involved, very loved uncle.
I’m getting irritated by this brother just reading this! Tell him to go marry his brother! I get that he wants to be close with his brother but this sounds way too much in my opinion , I have no advice because you sound like you’ve done all you can, how about talking to the brother? Is that an option? If your pregnant your heads just gonna blow soon! I know mine would x
He is showing you what is most important to him and it’s clearly not you or your kids. Pack his stuff and put it on the porch and change the locks or figure out how to deal with it because it’s not going to change.
This is a tough one but I’d pack up my stuff and kids and move and tell him when your ready to be with me Ill come back. Just my thoughts.
Sorry love but that’s his brother. They have a strong bond and u saw that years ago. Its not going to stop
Family is family they was prob close before you and any where his brother is is what’s mine is yours because that’s family . I’d let him have his brother it’s his family ! Before you push him to not want you . He comes with baggage but so do you ! He had him before you and you had kids before him ! My brothers was my back bone and we would all go to my moms to just sit !
Well he obviously made time for you…you ended up pregnant. So now the question is? Now what? You have seen this behavior from the get go, but yet allowed yourself to have a child with this man when nothing has changed. If you want stuff to change, sorry to say but you need to change it.
This one na oyinbo people
You may as well get used to it because I doubt things will change. Obviously his bond with his brother means more than his bond with you
If this is how it’s been there whole life it’s likely to remain the same because they no no other way
He probably should’ve stayed in his parents house & not bothered getting married
I’m so sorry , Woman , put your foot down .
So your jealous that your husband has a best friend and that friend his his brother
Maybe you need to be less controlling and chill his brothers always going to be there deal with it especially when you have this kid you’ll have a extra person that loves this baby
I don’t care how strong their bond is, they are not conjoined twins. Everything has boundaries. Those who think it’s OK will flip shit if this is the mother in law. Girls have BFF too but we don’t spend 8hrs each together after we have family and kids. The point is, she won’t complain if the cup’s full. Husbands or wives, you can have life outside your marriage, only when you fulfill your family enough. She deserve privacy with the husband and kids
Unfortunately you saw how it was when you got together. Is it unrealistic to expect change? I feel for you. An ultimatum about boundaries, without totally cutting his brother out would be a step. Especially with you expecting. Then go from there. If he isn’t cutting it. You have your answer.
Run as fast as you can.
Unfortunately all you all are wrong!!!
He can have a relationship with his brother but he Obviously don’t value his wife and his bro need to have a life of his own and move on!!! Honey stand up for ur self! U married him not his family!!! Time to move on
You are obsessed with having this man to yourself and will NEVER happen. You need to grow up and understand that he loves you and just because he loves someone besides you is ok.
It’s great that he gets along with his brother so well that unity will be needed in days to come when their parents fall ill or pass away set some boundaries as in between these hours you may visit also set a game night each week where the brother comes over and one of your family members come over to gather eat play baord games ECT thats will serve as a double purpose shows your husband how it feels to have a spouses family member over and your displaying that you do not mind them spending time together but want it during " healthy" hours in doing so it shows that you dont hate his brother you just want visitation during the appropriate times and that will mean to something to him that should help with that click of " oh okay I get it " in your husbands mind also please be considerate of healthy sibling bonds which is what your husband and brother have its just a tad intrusive and that can be corrected in the right manner you being a bully ( in a way) is causing him to be in defense and rebel
You can either accept the situation as it is or walk away because things are not going to change. You have already spoken to your husband and he knows how you feel, and he has not done anything to change the situation. He has already made his choice by continuing to spend ridiculously amount of time with his brother.
You need to walk away and he is using you to hide some else (his sexuality).
I am suspecting that he and his brother have something more going on. Their relationship is not normal🤔
Start taking care of his brother, set a plate for him at the table, when your husband says something ask him what his brother says? Thinks? Wants? You have to change your approach…or find his brother a woman…quit begging, quit giving him your power…
I’ve been there unfortunately ik how it feels but unfortunately we really have no say it seems like
I’m out your foot down about it or suck it up. It’s not weird that they are best friends they are brothers and it’s great that they are so close to each other. However it also seems he isn’t ready to be in a marriage he’s more interested in his family than your family. I don’t want to say leave because first 5 years of marriage is hard and should be worked on not just thrown away. If he was this way in the beginning I don’t think he’ll change. You’re just going to have to say “listen everyday Is way to much every other day fine. Every other weekend even better. It’s weird at this point and you’re more focused on them than us and it is annoying and hurts. Either stop being so clingy to your family or go back to them and you can see the baby when it’s born and whatever the state mandates.”
You knew he had a close family before moving in and having a baby with him. It’s wrong for you to try to pry that away from him now. His family will always be there. I wouldn’t try to cause trouble between them. You’ll probably end up looking like the bad person.
That’s his brother. Women are this close and act like this with their sisters all the time and no one bats an eye or birches and husband’s don’t bitch either. He’s close to his brother. You shouldn’t wanna come between them. They’ve probably been through stuff or something as kids. Who knows. My husband has a best friend that’s just like his brother, he’s been friends with for 26 years, he calls him his brother I call him my brother in law, when he comes over he doesn’t knock he just walks in. Sometimes my husband is always with him. Because they’re close. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean your husband should cut his brother off
Girl , find his brother a female , plus start inviting your friends over everyday maybe one of them can hook up with brother . And have to ask are you sure it’s brotherly love going on there never know , but it is time to start doing things yourself plan up outings and go brother can tag alone or leave him sitting but don’t change your plans get up and walk out and if hubby don’t come with you and the kids , then I think you have your answer and it’s time to get out of the relationship for then you will know that you and the kids will always come last which means you will never be happy
Maybe their MORE than just brothers or He’s just not into You .
Why would u expect him to suddenly change now? It’s not a new behavior. But u excepted it from the beginning. So either u learn to except n embrace the brotherly love or u move on. But expecting change at this point is pointless. U knew where he stood n how attached he was before u choose to get involved. Best of luck! & hope everything works out for u guys!
Atleast it’s his brother && not another woman… there’s always a brightside
You can only change your husband if he’s in diapers you best run like hell or good luck
He obviously close to his brother you can’t change that perhaps they both need to live a bit more seprate lives but don’t try and break their bond.
Leave your husband alone girlie…would you rather him be having a female friend? He was clise to his brother before you, and he will be there for his brother after you…so get over it…my goodness let the man live…live and let live
Ask him if he is bisexual or gay…you will find that him and his brother are sex partners… It sound soo weird
How old are y’all… cause this sounds childish.
You knew of there attachment before you marry him. Suck it up. Whatever you tolerate from the beginning is what you will get .you can’t just change a man. We keep thinking a man will change once he is married to you.
Looks like you are going to either be a single parent or your baby will have 2 dads
Not at all petty. Show hubby this letter, then, if he doesn’t get the picture, tell brother-in-law to get a life. You should be FIRST in your husbands life, NOT picking at the leftovers.
Figure out what activities you guys can do together just the two of you. Express to him your concerns and the help that you expect and need from him post partum . Get yourself a sister to do everything with n you won’t feel like this. This is internal, has more to do with you and your emotions.
Do yourself a favor and let go of the stress. Take his crap to his brothers house since that is where he wants to be…not with you. That won’t change but maybe work something out with coparenting. But either way…if he wanted you, you wouldn’t have to beg a boy.
Your willing to work with them on. For instance you say I dont want b in law here ever on a Saturday, then your willing to say okay 1 Saturday a month he can come over if he calls ahead to make sure you aren’t busy and must always give a certain amount of notice. That doesn’t mean 2 Saturday’s a month or 3 or 4. They haven’t taken you seriously yet so you can’t give them them an inch. I’ll be back soon.
I guess I’d be ok with it. I have many brothers and sisters and am not close to any. Not because we choose it but mostly because we didn’t grow up together. So now when we lose a family member it’s sad because we never had the chance to get to know each other. So I have 13 siblings - I would love to have a relationship where I got to talk to half of them yearly let alone daily.
My first question would be WHY is your husband spending so much time with his brother. That answer may give you some prospective. Second put your foot down and tell this brother that he’s more than welcome to visit on the weekends when y’all dont have plans. Dont shut a family member out because you think they’re being to clingy. Being married means being able to be selfless ALOT. Good luck honey I hope it all works out.
Counseling will help you both to communicate your needs to each other and hopefully they can offer solutions to help you navigate from here. Pregnancy is hard and you really don’t need extra stress.
Get out now. Tell him you dont care they talk but his brother is disrespecting your wishes at your house. If your man cant stand with you on this then tell hom to go back to his mommy. Im not saying to get them to stop talking but he needs your back. My husband chose yo marry me and he is always on my side. It might piss family off but we are his new family. Happy wife happy life.
No way would I play 2nd fiddle to anyone else. A man’s wife and children should come 1st. Sounds like the brother needs to get a life.
Ok, so I don’t care how close you are to your siblings. This is our house and I have a say in who, what, when and where concerning this house. To that end you must discuss boundaries with both and also discuss your expectations for you husband. People cannot read minds. Don’t be disrespectful but be firm. If that doesn’t garner results then you have bigger problems.
Nothing wrong with having a strong bond with his brother but when you get married, priorities change. Wife and kids come first. You need to really talk to him alone because you sound like you’re at that tipping point. I don’t blame you for being mad. If things don’t change even after the baby comes then you have some serious decisions to make. If he didn’t listen the first 20 times you talked about it, Good luck trying to make him listen this time. Boundaries need to be made when it comes to his brother. He’s going to be a father and he needs to be there to help.
So you shouldn’t have to beg for his attention however hes used to being a boy and not a man, just because he works doesnt make him a man. You’ve had several talks with him and it’s not sticking. Maybe consider trying a different approach of boundaries for yalls relationship and home and if that doesnt work let him go move back with his brother. Dont get me wrong my sibling and I have a relationship but we all have our boundaries set. He could be one of thoose boys where he doesnt actually mam up until a few weeks after baby is actually here. Unfortunately it does happen but allowing yourself to stress about it isnt good for you or baby, find something that makes you happy and a way to relax more.
Talk to the brother in law and your husband. Tell them what you want and expect. If they can’t respect that then maybe your husband needs to move in with his brother.
Don’t be mad at clowns for being clowns. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus. I am sorry that you are in this situation because it seems like this incredible bond HAS ALWAYS been central to your husbands life. Asking him to change that is not really fair of you even though your circumstances are changing. I say put the brother to work. When he walks in the door, ask him to take out the trash. When the baby comes, ask him to clean dishes while you bathe the baby. Your child will become your central concern now and if your husband doesn’t decide to be a husband and father which it sounds like he is a borderline failure to launch, then you will grow apart. Get a book on boundaries and get some Counciling if you can. That is your only hope.
It sounds like you are at wit’s end that you’ve had enough that you’re not going to take anymore and something has to change. The first thing that comes to my mind is that anything that you have said in the past to your husband or to your brother-in-law has gone in one ear and out the other. I’m so frustrated just hearing about this and with a baby on the way that makes you twice as uncomfortable. Unfortunately since they have not even tried a little bit even meet you part way ( which in my opinion anything less than meeting you all the way is unexceptabe) makes me realize they neither are showing NO respect. If you want to get anywhere with these 2 knotheads you must come up with a plan. You need to write down your pros & cons, when you are calm & relaxed, & by yourself. You have to decide if your willing to compromise & if so you must have the specific area you
My older brother and I talk on the phone daily. We haven’t lived under the same roof or in the same state in 16 years. I’d give anything to be able to go hang out with my brother at any given time.
The only mind you will be changing in this is your own. Is there no upside? What does he bring to your man’s life? Do you and your husband have solid intimacy? Maybe you could make a play for more romance. It will be important once the baby comes to schedule time. Maybe the brother could baby sit while you guys have “a talk” a couple times a week in your room…alone.
Lmao, he won’t change. This is clearly a bond they’ve had all their lives. You can’t expect him to change it. Somebody’s gotta go, but I’m sure it’s not going to be the brother.
I think maybe this is an issue with both your husband and his brother. Maybe your husband doesn’t tell him you don’t want him coming around all the time or that you don’t want him going to hang out with him. Also you should try to have a relationship with the brother because now you are going to be tied to him forever because he will be an uncle to your child. Trust me if you push your husband too hard on this you may lose, at the end of the day that will always be his brother.
You knew how he was. Why be surprised he hasn’t changed.