I have a narcissistic ex also but our daughter is 1 and I have full custody, if I were in your shoes I would tell the judge that you just want to make sure she gets enough rest for school and that she actually goes to school. Also mention how you offer the dad to do trick or treating in your town bc of the school situation. If the judge doesn’t agree I would def talk to your lawyer or get a new one bc it’s suppose to be 50/50 in joint custody not one sided.
You sound controlling to be honest. It’s one thing about Halloween, but you also want to keep her during the school year?
Phone them and discuss it, being a Sunday, they might allow him to have her for the day until 6pm the same day… But if you call them with enough notice and discuss your concern about him living a far distance, they may he able to sort something out for you​:crossed_fingers:
I’ve experienced this my self!!
In my state the holidays override the regular schedule. If you don’t allow her to go he could possibly file a report for violating a court order. If he takes her just state that she has to be at school the next day. My ex husband is a narcissist and I’ve been through the same stuff.
He will probably bring her back that night. Or if he doesn’t take her to school that will be his problem. He wants a reaction from you.
Honestly, you are going to have to pick and choose your battles. Let him know what time she has to be dropped off at school in the morning, if he doesn’t send her or she comes home extremely exhausted, document it. Other than that, you would have to go back to court to have it changed.
He can bring her to school on the Monday… an hour is not that big of a deal… i am sure he is capable of getting her ready for school
If it’s court ordered, he can go to court for you refusing his visit.
Personally, I’d just let her miss school Monday. One day won’t hurt, she’ll get the experience with her Dad, and then you can reconnect and bond with her Monday. Do lunch and shopping. Those were my favorite memories with my mom after my parents divorced.
Try co-parenting with a narcissistic moron thar lives 4 hours away. 
I feel your pain though.
Sadly this is what happens when you take things to court. Now you have to follow these rules, even if they are wrong & you don’t agree w them.
You can always try to take it back to court, but if he hasn’t done anything wrong then it jus kinda is what it is.
I’m sorry you’re goin through this. Such a hard thing coparenting w a narcissist.
Living an hour away from school isnt impossible lol im sure he can take her. An early night and early morning is all thats needed.
Sounds like you’re looking to have Halloween and using this an an excuse.
Dont start a fight over nothing. Even if she did have the day off, its not the end of the world…
Hes required by law to ensure she makes it to school on time the following day if he has her. If he doesn’t then it can be held against him in court if you’re willing to take it that far. I also co parent with a narcissist so I understand how you feel
Check your court order and also the parenting guidelines for your state. Call and speak to your attorney also. You have enough time before then to have something worked out that’ll be in the best interest of your daughter. You may have to have the agreement adjusted due to her beginning school, and he’ll share the responsibility of taking her to and or from school on the days he has her that fall on school days.
Judge would not agree with you, as you are breaking a court agreement for no good reason. Let your ex have her. She can miss school the day after Halloween. Not the end of the world
Since it will be his day I would say let him take her. If she doesn’t go to school the next day or goes late or is too tired in school document that and anytime school is involved with him taking her. If it’s a constant problem bring it to court saying he can’t get her there properly on his time. This probably won’t be the first time this situation happens. You can’t constantly violate the court order and I’m sure he will bring that to court.
Talk to your attorney and see what she/he suggests. If daughter has problems in school because she is too tired on Monday - that would be a starting point. He should have to bring her home on Sunday by 3 PM, so she can get ready for school the next day.
I feel like you are choosing to be worried about something small. Let her have her time with dad and don’t stress the details so much. I know that is easier said then done but worse case scenario she misses one day of school. If its court ordered there is not much to do.
I would talk to your lawyer
In Oklahoma most towns will never do Halloween on a Sunday usually if it’s on a Sunday they will do it the Friday or Saturday before.
he isn’t a narcissist. She is 4 yrs old, so she is in pre-K, So being a little late is not big deal, He can drive her to school, You are very lucky he wants to be in her life, During this time, go out with friends, meet new ones, live a little. I am sorry but it does sound like you do want to control things, I understand you are her mother, but step back, let her enjoy her time with her dad.
Just let her go…if she misses 1 day of school it wont hurt her
Would it be so terrible for her to miss one day of school after spending a fun memorable time with her dad ? She’s only 4. Let her enjoy this.
Also it’s court ordered. You don’t want to be taken to court over something so simple. I I know you’re concerned and that makes you a good mama. She’s also only 4! It will be ok if she missed a day worst comes to worst.
If you don’t think that he will take her to school why don’t you go and pick her up that way you can make sure she gets to school…. Or better yet why don’t you talk to him and see if you can go and pick her up after they are done trick or treating? And plus if she’s 4 it’s pre K it’s not going to hurt her to miss a day…
I would have him bring her to school on Monday and if he doesn’t thats on him. One day missed at her age isn’t going to destroy the educational process anyway.
I would let him have her for the weekend (as stated in the order) and keep her till Monday morning but ask him to get her to school on time. As her father, he should be able to do that.
When my kids were school aged we switched from 50/50 to eveyother weekend and 1 day during the week. Per my attorneys request
Send her. Don’t act like it bothers you one bit. If he is a true narc he will lose the interest in taking her to bother you. Go out, act happy even if your not.
This honestly not a big deal. Coparenting is hard. But don’t make it harder by “nit picking” Let him figure it out
why did you pick that kind of man to be a father? How long did you date this guy before having sex and making a kid? Also maybe the issue is you you shouldn’t date until your kid is 18 and out of the house. You ruined this kid’s life over your poor decission making.
I deal with the same but if it’s court ordered you cannot go against it or can be held in contempt. Contact friend of the court and you may have to get a lawyer to motion a change in parenting time for that specific holiday or any holiday that falls on a school day to better word parenting time or have it added it is his responsibility to get her to school those days.
A court order is only meant to provide guidelines but the parents still need to work together and be flexible. Obviously, in this situation, you should work together to decide what’s best for Halloween. It states that he has her, but you should discuss with him what’re the plans for Halloween? Is he going to bring her back after Trick-Or-Treating is over? You can offer to pick her up? Or is he going to take her to school the next day. It seems like you might be trying to find an excuse for her not to go… when overall, I don’t think it’s a huge deal that he’s going to have her for Halloween.
Unfortunately holiday placement supercede actually placement if that makes sense? So you would have to give him placement for the hours he’s given in the court order for that holiday. He should know that his child has school the next day. It does suck but there is nothing you can do. The courts won’t let you come back because of it.
I’d just let it be. Missing a couple hours, or even a whole day, of school at 4 years old isn’t going to ruin her future. The time spent with Dad is much more valuable. This is coming from a mother of 5 who spent 18 years with and now 3 years divorced from a narcissist. Good luck momma!
It’s pre-k…. It will be ok if she comes in late or is tired as most pre-k has their kids take a nap after lunch. My son is in pre-k all day and they nap for an hour and a half after lunch. She will be fine. Let her spend time with her dad. Don’t let YOUR relationship with her father interfere with your child. It’s not your daughters fault. Let her have fun with her dad. As long as dad isn’t mistreating your daughter let it be. You will have less stress in your life if you don’t make a small issue into something bigger than it should.
It’s just one day. She will be ok if she’s a little tired (what kid isn’t the day after Halloween) or even shows up to school a bit late. Pick your battles. I feel you, my ex is a narcissist, too. It’s just a matter of knowing when to stone wall, and when to say nothing at all.
No judge will agree with you violating a court order no matter what your reasoning is.
It is his day with her and she deserves it. If she is late to school or misses the morning, it isn’t the end of her educational career and she made a memory with Dad. Also, she will not be the only kid tired the next day. It’s common. In fact, many schools planned an in-service day for that Monday in our state. You might check. Also, I know there is an urge to just keep her home because you think that is what is best but in a situation like this, following the court order is a must. You are not in charge and he is not in charge. There is a court order for a reason. Of something is ambitious, try to come to an agreement, if not, take it back to change.
One day of school is not a big deal I’d say.
A Halloween with her dad is a good memory she’ll have forever. I wish I could spend time with my dad for real. All I have is memories now.
He was good enough to impregnate you, so he’s good enough to have his kid on Halloween. It’s one day. Get over yourself.
My daughter goes to her dads every other weekend. As Halloween is not considered a holiday in my state. It is his weekend to have her anyways, so, since she has school the next day. Im going down there to go trick or treating with them this year(they came here last year as I had her that weekend) so once they are done at whatever time. I will bring my daughter back that night. (We live 2 hours away from each other) its just something we discussed amd agreed on.
Best way to handle anything with a narcissist go strictly by the court order. Keep any and all communication direct and to the point and leave emotions out of it. It hard to do but it’s really the only thing that helps when dealing with such people. I know as a parent who wants the best for their children it’s difficult but it works.
Pick your battles. It’s his daughter too, and if it’s his holiday, it’s his. Let him enjoy her.
You would definitely get into trouble with the court if he presses the issue, which he seems to be going that route.
I’m not an attorney or any form of legal counsel. I’m just speaking from experience.
A direct violation of a court order will put you into contempt, regardless of your intentions. Judges really don’t like when people go against their orders because you’re essentially overruling their decision by doing what you want anyway.
I would file for a modification so that you can request to modify whatever orders are currently put into place that are not in the child’s best interests. Hope this helps.
Alot of towns do Halloween Trick or Treating on the Saturday if it falls on Sunday. At least here in the South they do.
However I would consult your attorney on the matter.
Usually when it’s an hour or more they ONLY get 1 weekend a month. But yes school MATTERS. He needs to bring her home Sunday nite after trick or treating.
1 hr drive isn’t that bad. Pick your battles.
Trick or treating in most towns is during the daylight hours now… not to mention, Covid is shutting crap down again. I wouldn’t stress it. Plus, missing one day of school or going to school late the next day isn’t going to scar the kid. You fighting over something trivial might.
Honestly… Just let him have her and tell him he’ll need to get her to school on time. Don’t freak out if he doesn’t… Its just one day.
U wanted a court order set in place and now Uve got one 
u can’t just not stick to it because it doesn’t suit your ideal. 
In our court order it specifies that holidays override regular schedule
Not much you can do but follow the court order
Halloween is typically not observed on Sundays . Sharing custody is the hardest thing ever, but as long as you both treat each other with respect it will go a lot further . Missing out on things becomes a ritual when you are raising a child in two separate homes. I’ve been doing it 12 years. Some years were BRUTAL, but we have a system now, we respect one another and it’s smooth sailing. I wish you the best of luck, because I know it’s difficult , but just as much as you feel you are missing, on the flip side he’s missing equally when she’s with you. Good Luck Mamma!
Unfortunately you’ll get in trouble and you’ll have to just suck it up and let her go yes it sucks but you’ll have to deal with it.
Violating the court order because you THINK she might be tired or you THINK he might not take her to school isn’t going to hold up
Okay so my sister used to do this with her baby daddy. She would allow him to keep daughter from school so they could have fun. It was supposed to be a one time thing, then it turned into all the time. Then he would get mad at her because my niece was not to miss anymore school and he felt it was okay. As she got older he wanted her to miss weeks at a time for "vacation ". School is important and it’s important to teach them at young age how important it is to show up and be on time. The father needs to be responsible and make a decision for a 4 year old.
Any time Halloween is on a school night we don’t stay out very late, maybe a half hour past bedtime 
and if my kids are groggy in the morning I just bring them in late to school.
Childhood is more than perfect attendance
Send her, do not ever go against a court order without a judges consent. If the court order says he has her on Halloween and return the next day at 10, I would ask that he bring her to school on time for drop off and make sure he has her backpack/lunchbox/water bottle etc. If it is a big deal, then file for modification if he refuses to bring her to school.
Living 1 hour away, will not justify a modification. I live 15 hours away and my child needs to be at visitation per the judges order. You can be held in contempt, pay fine/jailed, be liable for his attorney fees, and even lose custody.
A judge will not agree with you making unilateral decisions. If Halloween is his time it’s his time. Quickest way to losing parenting time is violating an order. Child is 4, I wouldn’t stress on one night.
Lol people must not understand what it’s like to coparent with a narc. They’re negligent & abusive. Im sorry for you & your daughter. Fact is courts will allow this & society thinks it’s acceptable for men to ignore their responsibilities as fathers. I had the same issue with him having them up all night, bringing them to school dirty in clothes many sizes too small. It just hurts the kids unfortunately. The teachers saw & they were concerned as well. Not much you can do. In our case, CPS was called on him several times but they don’t do anything. Narcs put on a show and as soon as they’re not involved anymore things go right back. Let people see for themselves.
Try and talk to him about yall actually co parenting and go together. Me and my bd didn’t go thru court we just decided to switch holidays every year. Except Halloween. He knows that is my favorite holiday so reguardless im gonna be there and I don’t have a problem with him and his wife and step daughter joining
You can not go against a court order and if you want to change any thing about it you HAVE to go through the court. It is understood that if the child is enrolled in school that they are to arrive on time and prepared for the school day while in the other parents care. I am curious… the hour between you…did you move or did he move?
Maybe if you make no issue of it he will lose interest in picking the scab. Just keep her out of school if she is too tired.
I would see how it goes if hes capable of getting her to school on time then dont press the issue he will only make it worse
You have to send her. It will be up to dad to get her to school. Ask dad if there is anything you can do to help dad get her to school that morning. It is his court order day and a judge would not look kindly on you denying him the day.
When Halloween is on a school night, half the time my kids don’t even make it to school the next day. Unfortunately it’s a court order and he knows the rules apparently. If he’s a narcissist like you say he is, he will use it against you just to spite you. I’d let it go.
Unfortunately you have to let her go. I had this situation for years and my ex is finally working with me peacefully. Hopefully yours will soon too.
Missing 1 day of school isn’t detrimental to her and if you get him to agree to bring her back in time for school on Monday, one day of a little less sleep isn’t going to kill her. It’s not worth trying to fight the court order and causing problems with them ex.
If you want him to agree to your request, then you will have to be respectful of his requests as well. Flexibility is the key. I see your concerns, however he may see them as an attempt by you to control his rights.
I would tell him he has to have her at school by whatever time she goes on Monday. Make HIM do any transport if it’s not in the court order, make him work for his time (by doing the driving if it’s not in the order for you both to work on transporting her)
Let her go. If he is unable to get her to school, document it and move forward accordingly.
Ma’am, she’s four. Missing one day of school would not eliminate her from receiving a Nobel peace prize in the future. This isn’t that serious. Wait until the serious issues show up then have a fit.
Id send her , shes tiny should get wiped out from it in hr or so. Shouldnt be out to late not like older kids.
Halloween is a holiday when figuring visitation. The judge set visitation that late on Sunday knowing that it’s a school day the following day. I don’t think it’s narcissistic for dad to want to take all of his visitation time. As a parent, I think ee all want to see our kids as much as possible.
I’m sorry, but I would just follow the court order exactly. Maybe suggest to him that most younger kids go trick or treating earlier (in our area, younger kids go out around 4-6 then older kids go out). That way she won’t be too tired for school
It’s one day. A lot of kids stay up late on Halloween. Or maybe she’ll only want to go for a little bit. My kids might last an hour and then they’re ready to go home. But don’t go against the court order.
Most likely the judge won’t do anything about one time of you violating the court order and the ex probably won’t even report it for one time if you do decide to keep her home. The first time is usually just a warning to the person who violated the order
If he is an actual narcissist, then he will have to decide what matters more: getting at you or being inconvenienced.
If getting at you matters more, then he will keep her with him, regardless of her education, which you can use against him.
If not being inconvenienced by having to get up extra, extra early to:
-get her ready for school
-get her things together from the weekend
-get her breakfast
-leave with enough time to beat traffic
-drive what could amount to over an hour out of his way just to get her to school on time
then he will work with you on this.
Maybe he can handle Friday pick ups and Monday drop offs if he is going to be such an unmitigated, incomprehensive, irascible, egocentric asshole.
Either file for a modifications and cite both his distance and your concerns for her education, showing you to be the more concerned parent or let this potentially work in your favor.
Tell him straight up that alright, he can have her the whole time, but HE has to make sure that SHE gets to school on Monday ON TIME, no exceptions, that you WILL BE double checking with the schools and IF he fails, you WILL be filing to modify the court order so it can reflect her needs in regards to her education in situations like that.
Give him an ultimatum.
And then work it.
You have to let her go, it’s the court order and will look bad for you if you deny his visitation and go against the order. Keep a record for every time he brings her back late, etc. If he is constantly screwing things up and it effects her bring it to your lawyer/the court. Send her with pjs so she can fall asleep in the car and go right into bed on Halloween. Just do the best you can, it’s one special night.
I would make sure to text everything about the importance of school attendance then let him take her. If he can’t manage to figure it out to get her to school on time then file to have it changed due to his negligence.
If he messes up take it to court been there and done that…
first discuss it with your attorney and see how he would interpret it… it honestly may require you guys going back before a judge for clarification and decision. Make sure they Understand YOU offered a compromise and he refused it…
the school year part may supercede the Holiday visits though.
She will be just fine if she misses a day of school. You sound like the narcissist
You think that’s bad, my ex lives 6 hours away from me and wants to do 50/50 until she starts school for the first time. And at that, he’s pushing to have her for the school year. I would never get to see her if that happens. Dealing with a narcissist as my daughter’s father has by far been the most challenging thing in my life. All the best to you mama.
You’re bored. Get it together…
Halloween is usually a scheduled holiday. As far as narcissist, people use that term too freely without truly understanding the meaning. The judge set and approved the visitation not your ex, therefore it would be ideal to follow the court order.
He wants these hours make him have the responsibility. If he has her Sunday he best make sure she gets to school and ready meaning hair brushed and up or down however no tangles, teeth brushed, enough sleep, food and such as well. At first it might be hard but hopefully a good schedule can be placed. My daughter goes to her dad’s every weekend but I get her back Sunday night most days Orr he takes her to daycare /school I get her after
It’s sooo hard. You have to bite your tongue A LOT. But don’t get pushed around either
I feel like your overthinking a bit considering it hasn’t happened yet and he hasn’t had her late to school yet either.
It’s Halloween.
Either way being late or missing 1 day isn’t a big deal.
Let him take her and try to get her to school. If he doesn’t then bring it up to the courts, but that’s a lot of assuming for something that’s 2 months away and hasn’t happened yet lol
If she is sick no issues
Make sure school has a copy of who has her when, for their records, as then they’ll know who to call if needed.
Other than that, he is responsible for getting her to school on time on that Monday morning.
The judge won’t agree with you. If he’s a good dad and good to his daughter…if your daughter is excited about Halloween…pick your battles. She will be in school for the next 14+ years. One night…I would hope you would let her miss that Monday drag too.
Considering Halloween is not a Holiday. Contact the court and get it removed .
I would just let her go and have him bring her late to school the next day, then you pick her up. If necessary you can always drop lunch and backpack off in the morning so it’s waiting for her. Take the focus off your ex and just focus on making life easy for your little.
Maybe see if he is willing to switch and take her Saturday to Sunday that weekend?
Let him have his weekend and holiday, if she likes being with him let her miss the day of school. One day isn’t awful. I do understand the challenges tho, I’ve been there. Do your best to make sure your kid is happy, taken care of and safe. Holidays usually supersede weekends. It’s hard at first but hopefully y’all will be able to work together for your child sake 
good luck momma !
Just ask him if he could either A make sure she is at school on time or back by at least 9pm that night to make sure you can get her to school
Most towns celebrate Halloween activities the day before when the holiday lands on a Sunday