I think they will have a mid term break around that time so shouldn’t have school the day after Halloween
You keep her you violate the order and can be arrested.
He needs to fulfil his responsibility based on the agreement which means he has to get her to school or make the accommodations. It’s hard I know but there’s not much you can do unless he abuses the terms.
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Stop trying to find reasons to deny a father access to his children.
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In my opinion missing school or being late is not an option. School and schedule should be priority. It is not acceptable to be late or miss work due to having fun. It should be his responsibility to get her there on time. Yes she will be tired but kids are resilient. If he doesn’t get her there in time then it is a negative mark on his parenting abilities not yours.
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I would ask him if he wants to take her trick or treating thats fine but because shes now in school its easier and more beneficial for him to come take her around your neighborhood instead
At 4 she isn’t going to last long trick or treating
She’ll probably sleep in the car on the way home and 4 yr old still get time to rest while at school. Let him keep her for that day,she’ll be fine!
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Unless you are concerned for her safety, let her spend time with her dad, not being mean but you are being way to difficult in this whole situation seems like, he only gets weekends so let him be A DAD !! You can’t change where he lives either, make it work for the sake of your kid
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Good lord shes 4. 1 day wont make a difference
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If you’re concerned you could always bring it up to your lawyer etc to make sure you’re doing the right thing. Although I think you do have to let her go for his “holiday”, it will supersede the weekend agreement. With that being said the beginning of custody agreements are always messy, especially if you don’t get along. I would wait to see what happens, let her go. Legally you have to if it’s in the agreement. Not letting him have his holidays will just make things worse. Hopefully you both can smooth things to make the transition easier etc for your daughter. Good luck!!
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My stepsons mom lives an hour away (we changed pick up to 4:30 because that’s what works with drive time/dinner/ getting ready for bed for school) and we agreed that holidays on school nights he comes back at either 6pm or right after whatever activity is going on. You guys need to talk about what’s best for her. With being 4, 10pm is a bit late for her to stay out. I would offer maybe noon-6/7 that way he’s not missing out on time and she can still go trick or treating.
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He would be responsible to make sure she gets to school on time. Just like you would make sure she’s on school on time.
Ugh youre 1000000% right it is disruptive for sure . I have some weird things in my order with a narcissistic ex as well: I’ve learned you just follow that order
To a teeeee regardless of how you feel or what is right. It so sucks . The judge would agree with you if it wasn’t already a signed order😩 now it has to be basically an act of Congress to be changed to make
More sense: I feel for you you’re not alone. Try to write out why you’re concerned and maybe even offer to split Halloween start early in his neighborhood or even do a fall fest on Saturday then bring her in your town where she can get to school the next day. Alsoooo if he doesn’t take her to school document that type of stuff enough times it happening thennnn you’ll have “ a change in circumstance “ until then the order is what judge signed off on (so unfair) but if you don’t let her go to him the narcissist ex will
No doubt “make you pay” ya know since the order is a legal document 
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If he disagrees and you don’t let her go the judge will more than likely not side with you and you will be possibly breaking a court order
He should do what’s best for the child and missing school is not. Maybe he can spend time there get a hotel and have her to school in the morning and if there’s a few hrs cut from him bc its until 10am the next day pick her up m have dinner to make up those hrs and then she comes home to you.
Do not allow him to just let her skip school. This will create so many issues!!
Omg, so what if she did miss school one day?
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If the order states he has her till 10am the next morning than he is responsible for taking her to school the next day. Send him all the info, drop off time ect. If he doesn’t take her make sure and write it down. Keep a notebook. Than request a change in fron of a judge. A child’s schooling is extremely important to the courts
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It’s his day, let him worry about getting her to school. Is it disruptive? Yes. Will he get her to school the next day? Maybe, maybe not. It’s not the end of the world and not worth getting yourself in trouble over. Just document it and let him deal with it. Tell him he better send her home with an excuse to turn in the next day.
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You would be violating a court order and if he so chooses he can go to the police and they have to take her out of your home and give her to him for visitation. Your best bet is to go back to court and ask for different hrs.
It’s a Sunday, the end of his visit, but a holiday. So I would say he takes her Friday and needs to bring her home at a reasonable hour Sunday night.
I have holidays in our order to where we split the day. If it’s my day I get the first half, and he the second and vice versa. This includes Halloween, birthdays etc.
I would also ask for a modification and adjust any holidays that end up being his and on school days more of a normal time frame where she can be home for bed and school.
Let them both have the day together. Why stress over something so small.
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He’s being a good father who wants to be involved!! It’s becoming a rare thing. Get over it and let him be a father to his daughter. Lack of sleep for one day is worth memories that she’ll have forever. Get over yourself momma
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Find out what day is trick or treat in his town. Towns change the day and set the hours. Trick or treat may very well be on Saturday night if at all. We are still under the pandemic, and it very well may be canceled. Call the city hall.
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I would not go against a court order. Judges don’t like that. He should take her to school but at her age, school isn’t that important. Many kids miss the day after Halloween.
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She can miss a day of school
How does it make sense to you to deprive him and her of each others company so you can protect your choice to send a 4 year old to brainwash camp? What a backwards backwards world we live in. I’m sending you good energy in the form of common sense and heart.
The order states that he has her from Friday to Sunday during school. Monday would be a school day, so she should be brought home Sunday evening or he needs to make sure she is brought to school and on time. She is 4 years old, so really there is no reason for her to be out late trick or treating anyway. Agreements are set in place for a reason and as much as everyone is saying let him have her… when you are dealing with someone who is narcissistic… you need to stick to the agreement, no giving in or just make things easier. They are aware of the agreement yet they will continously twist things around in order to fit their needs and wants.
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If you have these concerns now at the age of 4, perhaps…you should also request a mediators for those times in question…down the road.
Also, while I don’t understand your circumstances, maybe living closer to him and having her go to a school not so far a way that won’t be so disruptive.
All this now is food for thought later…however…choose your battles wisely. Good luck!
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Trick or treating now isn’t like it was back when we were kids. Most places start it at 5pm or so. Let him take her as scheduled and just make him aware she needs to be at school. If she isn’t make sure to keep in your records when her tardiness or absence occurred so when you go back to court you can ask for a modification so he doesn’t have her on days she has school. You have to give him an opportunity to succeed or fail and not just assume he will.
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Just as HE has to abide by the custody agreement, so do YOU.
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If he has her until 10am it’s his responsibility to get her to school. If he doesn’t that’s on him. Document if she’s absent or late. If he drops her off at your house at 10 he’s complying but just Document that you had to take her late. I delt with a narcissist so believe me there will be more. Be The Bigger Person. She will notice! My Son is now 35 and we have an awesome relationship. One time when I’d had enough my Son said" Mom, you’ve always been the bigger person, do it for me." That’s how I won 
BTW, that advice came from his half sister who was 12 years older than him!
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Both of u have a say, but I feel like of he takes her to school why should u care, he is a dad hes not gunna keep her up all night before school
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Co parenting is hard, harder with someone like this but also harder when you make a big deal out of nothing…
What’s the worst that will happen? She’ll be a little tired like all kids the day after Halloween? That she’ll miss a day of school? It’s 1 day. I would let it go
Of all the challenges you’ll face … pick your battles.
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If he has to bring her back a certain time on sundays remind him
Halloween 2021 is only going to happen once and it’s been a terrible year for everyone.
Let her go with dad, just explain to her shes probably gonna be tired for school
You have 2 months before Halloween practically. Get a court date for modification. Explain she starts school this year and due to the commute time from his house you are concerned she won’t get enough rest for school since they will have to get on the road so early. Dont mention the part about being worried he wont take her to school at all because it will make you look petty and get thrown out as unfounded accusation to manipulate the order for your own selfish gains. Lawyers spin everything. State when Holloween, or any holiday that is his, falls on a school night you want her home and in bed at a resonable hour. The judge will agree to that and adjust the deal.
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Most orders have a clause for this exact situation when a holiday or birthday lands on a Sunday. It should state something to the affect of if holiday/birthday lands on a school night (school the next day) the child is to be home by 8 or 9pm that Sunday evening. The visitation doesn’t extend to the next morning 10am if it falls on a school day. I had my order put as Friday 6pm-Sunday 6pm so that if that did happen I extended til 8-9pm (depending on child’s age) and both sides agreed that was in best interest of all parties. If you guys can co parent and try to each give a little leeway when it comes to adjusting times for work, events, etc it will help. The best you can hope for is he will want to be involved and your kiddo gets to see dad and mom working together even tho they’re not together. It takes a lot of patience and letting go of the past but if you can get to that middle ground it’ll be better for everyone involved in the long run. Good luck mama!
I totally feel you mama same boat with a narcissistic ex and I get what your saying and your concerns unfortunately you will just have to let it go this time, there is nothing that can be done
If she is on his specified time, and she needs to be to school, it’s his responsibility to get her there on time for that day. If he gets her there late, document. If he doesn’t take her, document. No judge is going to tell him he can ignore school hours and simply not take her. The fact that he lives an hour away isn’t YOUR problem. Let him be the parent on his time. You dont need to run his life and micromanage it. If he makes mistakes and it becomes an issue with school, take him to court and fix it so it works around school. If he shows he can stick to it and get her there on time on his days, who cares. But you don’t preeminently make an issue of something before it even comes up as a problem. There’s no reason he can’t get her to school on time if he has her till 10 am. Even if he has to drive an hour to school. He should already have school info, drop off times, and that sort of thing, and let it be. Don’t make it an issue until it is an actual issue. That way, should you have to take him back to court, he looks like the unreasonable one, not you.
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What is the hours of visitations for weekends during school. Go get an emergency court date and put in a request for modified holiday request since Halloween is on a Sunday and she will not get home til 11pm the judge shld see it. I can see if it was Christmas easter or thanksgiving but this is Halloween and she has school the next morning.
Pick your battles wisely…They will never end and you gotta choose what bill you are willing to die on. Be careful what precedents you set, keep firm boundaries and never bend an inch mama. You got this.
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As long as he gets her to school I don’t see what the problem is
He could do trick or treat the night before. Most people do that.
I’d just let her go with him- it’s only one night this would happen.
She can miss one day of school for time with her dad. I’ve let my kids miss school for time with grandparents. Etc. Let him have her for Halloween. He can keep her home the next day, or take her in late. (No child ever gets enough sleep the night of Halloween. Ever.)
I’m sorry but school and life will be hard enough this year. Just like last year. Cut your kid some slack and her father.
Its one day. It isnt gonna negatively affect her entire academic career.
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Work it out between you. Your child is watching the both of you.
Just let it go This isn’t the hill to die on.
Unfortunately, I am I a similar situation. My ex husband moved an hour away, even with school, the judge allowed him to keep them and they do the hour commute to school and after the 2 days per week they are with him.
Thru your attorney and courts, times need to be worked out, so she can be bathed and in bed on time. Your child’s development comes first over fighting with the ex. Worse thing is breaking the court order. Start a diary of the weekends. Sounds like you’ll need it.
If your daughter is only 4 I doubt she will be out trick or treating until 10p. My kids are older and they still get tired after only an hour or two. When she gets to school age you can always revisit the schedule if you both can’t come to an agreement. Fridays- Sundays is pretty common. Pick up after school on Friday, drop off after dinner on Sunday night or even drop off at school Monday mornings.
Follow the parenting guidelines for your state as well…I do Believe there’s parts regarding a child’s academic well being being adhered to…if he will make her have an u excused absence, make your you document everything!! And if this so happens more than once have your school propose a letter of well being on the child’s behalf…also, I’m in this process myself, but I’ve heard that the child can be appointed an attorney or guardian at litem to be someone who speaks for the child non biased…
Check the school Calendar many districts schedule Professional Development days on Halloween, because many kids were absent day after. Our district schedules parent teacher conferences around Halloween to avail truancy
It’s one day, and she’s only 4. She’s probably only in prek, missing a day isn’t going to destroy her academic future.
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Call your lawyer and get courts to modify so he can’t mess this up.
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You’ll be fine. She will survive if she misses one day of school. If it becomes a pattern, bring it up in court so they will remove the day or change the time. Just pack her school clothes and stuff the day you drop her off so he has no excuses (as they will
Try to blame you). Best of luck
Sincerely,
Someone who’s dealt with this
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It’s one day, everyone goes to bed late on Halloween xx
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If it’s in the agreement it’s a court ordered document, if you break that you could be fined or go to jail if he wanted to take you to court over it.
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He has to get her to school on time…
Get that put in the paperwork by the judge
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I would assume it is his responsibility to take her to school that morning. I would look at what dates are trick or treating in his area. They don’t usually trick or treat on Sunday. It will probably be Saturday anyway.
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It’s only one day, just go with the flow it will be much easier.
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She’s 4, they are not learning the pythagorean theorem in vpk. Let her Dad have a great night with her. Some women don’t realize that just because someone is a terrible spouse, doesn’t mean he’s a terrible parent. Ridiculous that some of you want to call a lawyer because he wants to spend time with his child. Sounds like a jealous ex that wants to make dad’s life a living hell and just to downplay her vindictiveness, she’s making it about the child. And why is every man in 2021 narcissistic or toxic?
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Judges ALWAYS PROTECT THE ABUSER
FIRST DONTTHINK. ABOUT WHAT THE CHILDREN ARE GOINGTHRU
Sometimes you just have to let it go
In as many matters as possible take the high road. Abide by the court order, but keep notes when the other party doesn’t. Be sickly sweet when you want to respond with anger, fyi deal with a narcassist ex myself, and boy does he get really big mad when I’m nice to him when he’s off his nut being crazy…it’s fun actually. It’s 1 day of school and if he is to have her and she has school it’s his job to get her to school on time. Decide what is the 3 most important things to you, 3 holidays you won’t budge on, 3 rules you wont’ budge on whatever those 3 things are and don’t bend on them no matter what (fyi for me my kids woke up Christmas Morning with me…that was my ONLY won’t bend thing) for that the judge always sided with me because outside of that 1 morning I was completely flexible and accomodating. when you pick just the most important 3 things to you, judges are less likely to view you as hindering the parent/child relationship.
When I did our parenting agreement, it stated in the paperwork that if “so and so holiday lands on a week night, which parent keeps the child” if she is only 4, maybe just explain to him (the best you can since I know the kinda person you’re dealing with because, same!) What your concerns are and if he plans on keeping her that night, how important it is that she is in bed, bathed and to school at a decent time… since she is so young, hopefully he gets that she NEEDS sleep and rest and being out till even 9 pm is a bit late for a young child
My opinion, let him have her and see how he handles it. He may surprise you and have her to school on time and everything is well. She’s young. And I’m sure with Halloween being on Sunday, she won’t be the only child in her class that will be tired that Monday! Give him a chance to do what is right and be responsible about it. If not you know for the future what to expect. But I think she is still so young and you have to give him the opportunity to show you that he can handle the situation. If not you’ll never really know!
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You are obsessed, let him go hunny. Let your daughter make a memory with her father, FFS! So what if she misses circle time or falls asleep finger painting?
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He wanted it, he has to take her to school …ON TIME!!!
.
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Its one day, she will be fine.
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If the court orders it I am afraid you will need to honor it. Unless you can get the court to agree with you. It’s one night I would just bite the bullet and let her have that day with daddy. When you review the custody agreement next time specifically say no late nights
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If he has her until 10 the next morning, it’s his responsibility to get her there and yours to pick her up. If he doesn’t do it, simply record the incident and if he makes it a habit then deal with it, then. On Fridays, maybe make it to where she leaves your house to go to school and then he picks her up for the weekend. I definitely wouldn’t just assume he wasn’t going to do something, but just slow down and keep track.
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I understand your feelings but I honestly don’t think it’s a huge deal. Kids love Halloween enough that I think its should be alternated between parents when they are that young.
I also don’t think an hour is far enough away that he wouldn’t be able to get her to school the next day. But even if she’s late, or just doesn’t go, it’s not a huge deal. If he makes it a habit of making her miss school, then I would be concerned. But for now, you’re worrying about something that hasn’t happened. Just go with it and see how it goes.
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If you violate the court order that gives him grounds to seek full custody therefore it isn’t worth it. The worst thing you can do is assume that he is automatically not going to do what’s in the best interest of the child. Force yourself to have a supportive attitude and work through these situations with him without judgment. You can asks questions such as are you going to need help getting her to school on time or simply remind him that school starts at 8a etc. If the two of you can co parent in a healthy manner it will benefit your child far more than 1 school day.
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Its one day. Shell be tired for school next day but shell bounce back. Kids are resilent in that sense. I woukdnt break the order…it will be fine.
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Her first day can be Tuesday! That way your not avoiding a court order and she’s not tired on the first day. Problem solved.
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Give it the chance to see if he will get her to school. A judge will likely side with you if you prove he failed to get her to school. He deserves to try to see how it goes. Trick or Treating usually starts fairly early, shes young. They can go until 6 or 630, feed her dinner, bathe her and still get a good nights sleep to be at school in the morning. Parents drive a hour all the time to daycare and work on their morning commutes. You need to let it play out.
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Id ring and check because if halloween falls during term time then surely them rules over ride halloween until 10am the following day? I went through a nightmare with my ex in court he tried for full custody… he got limited access… he has them.on a weekend and 1 night for tea in the week but if any special occasions xmas birthdays etc fall on the days he has them then i can keep them unless i state otherwise. I also went through the whole he wanted them on school nights etc but due to the fact he doesnt stick to routines bedtime etc the court said no. Xx
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I think she will be fine.
Let her make this memory with her father & I don’t think he will have her out to late because most Halloween events are over in a few hours! Do not over think it.
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I think you need to stop trying to be petty. It’s his day… his holiday… as long as he gets her to school on time there shouldn’t be an issue. Little situations like this are petty and shouldn’t even be a question. To me you sound borderline controlling and want to take control simply bc it’s not in your hands and to show power. Ijs… ridiculous
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Ummm follow the custody agreement…
She will be fine to miss one day of school to go out with him on Halloween.
She will just be a little more tired the next day. She’ll be fine. She can sleep in the car on the way home.
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Hes a narcissist, shes in danger. Keeping with routine and schedules is very important, id ask your attorney or the judge. Your daughter deserves memories and a relationship with her father but he moved an hour away and narcissists dont love anyone but their needs…he will make sure he gets his way, but he won’t remain present in her life, hes just using the situation to belittle and worry you. You are 100% to be concerned, it always starts with “its no big deal” and ends badly…I’d try to sever ties, hes toxic
Go back to court now. You have time
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I’m my experience pick your battles, there will be bigger issues to argue over if he’s like that! Either way you have to follow a court order custody agreement and send her or you can be held in contempt.
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It’s his day his holiday… if she misses school the next day it isn’t the end of the world.
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i wouldn’t worry about the Halloween part, but school is important, and if he refuses to take her school, that is cause for getting court involved as I believe that making sure kids go to school is important. However, the being tired thing, it will be an all kids thing. Just make sure you’re both on board with the schools policy about whether you can send candy in her lunch the next day. Lol just because some schools have policies about this and you won’t want to get a call because of something dad did.
Ask if he can bring her a little sooner than 10 and he can have her more hours next time
You don’t get to dictate his days
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I find it odd you have joint custody for an hour away. How does that work with school?
Also, would you want him to take away any of your holidays because of time? You have to be fair and follow the court order.
You don’t get to just “keep her”. She’s not just yours. If you go against the court order the judge will 100% not agree with you because you are wrong.
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Since he has visitation that night, his responsibility, and how many times have kids gone to bed a little late and had school next day, pretty sure the teachers almost expect it, lol, I would remind him to use safety precautions, Covid doesn’t take a holiday, good luck, and try to relax a bit
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Send her and he can take her to school the next morning. He has responsibilities regarding her well being too.
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Let him have her and let her miss a day of school. At her age one day isn’t going to make or break it. Let this one go. It’s not that important and it will show good faith on your part letting him have her and make sure it’s documented that you caved when you provided options.
If this comes up again, you may need to revise the court order in regards to school
Court order is court order . Only way around any of it is if he agrees
He wants joint, he gets to deal with the responsibilities that entails i.e. getting her to school. Give him his time. If he messes up and doesn’t take her or gets her there late, document document document! You can always use it to show a judge later that’s not in her best interests and he isn’t holding up his end of the bargain.
Through the years, the only thing that works in joint custody arrangements is flexibility. Even when he just won’t cooperate. Ruining her Halloween over the small stuff will be remembered by her for years in the future…
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You have a set schedule with the court. If you keep her home you will be going against the court order.
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The court order clearly states the days and times. If you had an issue with the holidays why didn’t you read the order before agreeing and signing?
The judge will not agree with you, because he gave his orders… it’ll be his responsibility to get her to school on the mornings he has her.
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Co-parenting with a narcissist is difficult. Save yourself some mental exhaustion and choose your battles carefully. If you believe your daughter will be safe and cared for, who cares if she stays up late for a night or plays hookie the next day? I let my kids play hookie lol