I am running in tot he same problem…but i know arguing is what he wants…so im letting this one Sunday go because it is halloween…and i kniw if my son were at home with me trick or treating hed be up later too…so im just going to treat this as a once in a year night…and deal with the sleepiness the next day. Your kiddo will survive. It just sucks. The judges afe strict with time and i would rather not mess that up. Just let him believe you are ok with it. And move on…as hard as this has been for me to realize…that is what im doing. Good luck!!
Go back to your attorney. Have your divorce papers amended. Let the Judge have the final say now, not later
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My daughter’s school district for K-8 always took November 1st as a school holiday if it was M-F. Maybe this will be the case for your little one?
Follow the order, give him the parental responsibility and document every single phone call, visit etc to use to your advantage in court if he should fail. Also, halt the slander on social media as that will be used against you. Good luck.
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Honestly I think you’re over thinking it, even though I completely understand why. Let him have her on Halloween. Even if he’s late getting her back, your child will be fine at school the next day. They don’t really get a lot done first day anyway. Let her have fun with her dad. Then talk to your lawyers about trying to get an amendment to the custody’s arrangements about holidays that fall school nights. But I would say, stop stressing yourself out. Your child will survive. Relax, put your feet up, and stop fretting over what you can’t control. You’re just gonna get your blood pressure up. It’s his night. Court ordered. You’re gonna have to deal with it.
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Or tell him to just come take her trick or treating near you
Let her miss the next day and enjoy it!
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One day going in
Late to school is ok
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You have to take them to court for contempt if ine does not follow the guide lines. You could explain in court your reason if they every grant his request for it. If the child does go to his house to stay and he does not bring her to school you as well could file to a judge and go from there.
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It won’t hurt to keep her home the day after 
If he gets Halloween she has to go.no matter what day it is. Or you can have a show cause filed against you for not following court order.
Going in school a little late isn’t bad
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Co-Parenting with a Narcissist
Usually they outline the times and dates for holidays in the court order. For Christmas in my state one parent gets from the day they get out of school for Christmas break until Christmas Eve at 9:00, then the other parent from Christmas Eve at 9:00pm until they go back to school. Halloween isn’t a holiday in my state. It should be outlined in the order for the times on Halloween, so for example, if he has her until 8:00pm, she has to be home at 8:00pm. You should petition the court just to make it clear for the holidays so you both understand the order completely.
It’s your exs problem. He will have to get her to and from school. I don’t see the issue.
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Halloween only comes once a year. You should just let him have her like the court order states. Give him a chance to get her to school. If he doesn’t have the school give you a record of her not showing up that Monday after school an also let them know what time he brings her home if he don’t take her to school. However just let them enjoy the weekend an enjoy Halloween. I do understand school is very important. Halloween is once a year. If she misses one day of school it is not going to affect her ability to learn or even caught up on her work.
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I’d ask your attorney. I mean one day out of school isn’t a big deal but I also don’t see the point in missing school without reason. Maybe ask him about taking her truck or treating on Saturday instead? I know some towns do that when Halloween is a weekday or a Sunday.
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Don’t fuck with a court order. He gets her until the next day…if he fails to follow through then you can ask the court to reconsider but it is his time with her (or her time with him)….so interfering will make you look like the bad parent
Sounds like your being the difficult one and secondly I would suggest he move closer so he can have more time with the child. Weekend and every other weekend is simply not enough. Stop trying to control everything and be open to any time that the other parent wants or needs as the child usually wants and needs the same. You are lucky and blessed to have someone who wants time with your child you should change your outlook to that and hopefully gratitude will change your perception of the situation
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Just call her off that Monday one missed day isn’t going to hurt her … and ask the courts for to change it for holidays that school is to follow the next day since he lives an hour away … but follow court orders until then regardless… she is young and you can help her make up what she missed the one day
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She will adjust, if not, take it back to court, don’t with hold the child and get in trouble for breaking the order, that won’t get you far with the judges, it’s hard, get your lawyer to talk to his, but its been ordered, which you agreed to, so best to leave it as is.
I talk to him because of school night.
But kids now a day goes to bed late not 7 or 8
Your ex will just have to get her to school the next day. If it’s his time then it’s his time and he needs to deal with whatever comes up. It would be no different if you had her or if he lived in the same town.
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I would just leave it for now. Don’t keep her, it will look bad to the judge. See if he does get her to school on time and if he doesn’t, take records from the school and take it to the judge, get the visitation pushed back to Friday-Sunday
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I must be missing something here…
It’s his court appointed day?
It’s his court appointed year for the holiday?
He lives an hour away (which doesn’t even necessarily mean he lives in a different city. Shit I commute an hour for work and it’s no big deal.)
Your concern is based on the assumption that she will be late or not attend school the following day?
You claim he is abusive, however the courts still gave him split custody rights?
You want him to come to where you live to trick or treat because you assume she won’t make it to school or will be to tired?
Where is the narcissism?
I reread this several times and all I see is a father exercising his court appointed rights to his child and you seem to be unhappy with that based on alot of personal assumptions.
Am I missing something?
So of course what you should do is find anything about school in the agreement. If his time overlaps with school, most agreements have school as a priority. And no matter if he fights you about it, let him be and bring it back up to court. Will be a costly battle but that’s not a good agreement that overlaps like that.
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Call your court system where you live ask them
I think just let him have his time with her. He can always get her ready an hour before the drive. Your daughter will adjust. If he gets her for the weekend he can just drop her off at school Monday morning to make the situation easier. You kinda come of as the problem remember it’s about your child and not your failed relationship
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Let her enjoy Halloween with her father. If she goes to school a little tired it’s not the end of the world. I’m sure many kids will stay up too late on Halloween.
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Follow the agreement, so you won’t be in contempt of court. I have to go through this and it’s a pain. I signed it, so I have to live by it, unfortunately. I understand your frustration. I haven’t had a Halloween with my 10 year old son in years. I don’t get to drive him to school. I missed last weekend with him because his father refused to get the Covid vaccination and now has Covid. Pissed me off. I wish you like.
If it’s stated in the paper work, nothing you can do about it. She’ll be fine.
My ex and 1 are an hour away. He picks up from school Friday, drops off at school Monday for the last 5 years. Don’t prevent him. Let him screw up and document.
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As a momma who is mindful of these things the only thing you can do is bring it up KINDLY! Hey I know that Halloween is a Sunday this year which makes it hard because of school. Would you consider maybe finding a truck or treat or fall festival that falls on Saturday and do that so she isn’t exhausted on Monday.
Instead of posting on here why not discuss it with the ex.
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My ex husband lives an hour away, it really has never been an issue. He takes them to school on Monday mornings, they’ve always had plenty of rest for school. If you’re worried that he won’t take her to school, then you get up early and drive out there and pick her up and take her to school. It’s a pain in the arse solution, but it’ll make sure she is at school with enough rest.
Whether he is Narcissistic Abusive is a one sided comment and has nothing to do with the question. It is one night. And he’ll have to have her to you by 10pm that day before, which means trick or treating stops around 8:45 for him to get her to you by 10pm.
And she’ll probably fall asleep in the car on the way home.
I dealt with an absolutely crazy ex-wife whom put my late husbands daughter in the middle of every little situation and it only effected her. I say pick your battles wisely and remember she’s 4…10pm on a school night is late but she is in pre-k or kindergarten now so I wouldn’t say it’s that big of a deal to stress over and fight about.
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You can’t do anything really - unless you go back to court. If you don’t do what court order states you are in violation
Let her miss one day of school. For some reason adults don’t realize children need a break too. They are allowed to have mental days where they can just relax. You start breaking order and you risk loosing later on. Follow order to a tee. And if he is slacking then document it. Remember school is important but so is her time with dad and at the end of the day she is young enough that a missed day or a tired day means little in the big picture. Always follow co so you don’t risk loosing custody. This was a big factor in us getting full custody from BM she kept kid for different reasons( small and insignificant reasons) and a judge said since we can be adults and follow order that kids would probably be better in our home. They haven’t even seen mom in almost 3 yrs now. They resent her for keeping them from dad and it’s just not worth it…
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If he wants her be grateful. Let them enjoy Halloween together, it is a holiday on the parental guidelines. You will have next year
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Give him his holiday and does it really matter that the child misses 1 day of school that’s missed spending time with her father. I’m sure at times she misses a day spending time with her mothet.
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Most Halloween times are 6pm-8pm…so her getting back at 9 and could be in bed by 930 isnt that bad.
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with how he is , he should not be alone with your child … go back to court and get visits taken away … move someplace where he doesn’t know where you live
It will be his job to get her to school on time etc. I think you being concerned about these sort of things is a reach…
I would let him take her to school looks like he will have to be up early in just hope as a parent she’s to bed at a good time she will be fine waking up earlier then normal it’s one day i get it
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You don’t! Get help ASAP 
School trumps holidays
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It’s one night she may be tired the next day or even have a day off no biggie really…let her enjoy it and honestly don’t sweat the little things like a late night or a day off… pick your battles u don’t have to battle on everything all that’s going to do is make it a constant battle and that is what is no good for the children!!!
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Ask him if you can pick her up at 830pm after trick or treating. Yes it’s a drive but it’s compromising. All the courts care about is who is willing to bend over. So if your ex says no the check mark for your court but if he says yes it’s a happy moment for your baby.
You keeping her would go against the court orders.
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One day no judge cares lol do it nothing he can do
What important lesson will this child miss from one day of kindergarten?
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She’s 4 so obviously she’d be missing pre-school NOT school… I think you’re a bit butt-hurt he’s getting her for Halloween! 
I co parent with my ex husband and he’s was abusive, narcissistic etc. We also live an hour from one another.
honestly some battles aren’t worth fighting and some are.
My son goes to his dads every Friday night to Monday morning (sometimes Saturday afternoon to Monday morning)
My son will have school Mondays starting next week and because his dad can’t take him because he has to go to work. I will drive in and take him. Do I want to on my day off? No but it’s about give and take and it’s for the child.
The courts plan didn’t work for us given his work schedule so we agreed to one on our own. Took some time to stay consistent with it but It’s what works for us.
I hate compromising with him on anything but it’s not about me. I’m sure he feels the same about me. But we do it.
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Narcissist are VERY DIFFICULT to deal with. I see where the concern is coming from and understand. Prayer’s you get things figured out. 
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I also co parent with a narcissist…we have a order from the court as well…I have broken it at times when it’s been about their well being like your thing with Halloween…I would keep her if he doesn’t want to take her in ur neighborhood, hes just trying to be difficult so it’s his choice, either take her in your neighborhood or not at all…you won’t get in trouble…I promise you , you wouldnt…
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Can he take her to school the next day? Can you guys agree on something to make up the time or adjust it to where it works for both of you? Courts like to see that you guys can coparent. It would be considered contempt if you keep her on his scheduled time.
definitely make sure it’s added that when a holiday falls and school in the next day that parent needs to have the child to school on time. That way over the years it’s already set in stone and both parties know what to do expect
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One day of school is not a big deal for a 4yr old. Save your energy for the big battles.
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I have also been in an abusive relationship & my ex was for a time to be able to do these things, all I can suggest with your worries that if he doesn’t do what he is supposed to do with your daughter to make a record of it an see your lawyer about having the court orders changed. I no this won’t be an easy thing to do, but you have to let your Ex stuff up in the eyes of the law & show that he is not a responsible parent.
If you have a problem with the orders go back to court. If not yes you’ll be in trouble follow the orders and stop trying to control his time.
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Court ordered is court ordered. You can’t control what he does on his time. That includes where he takes her, what time she goes to bed etc. I think the only standing you may have is after the fact if he doesn’t get her to school on time or without enough rest. But again, that’s after the fact. You wanted the schedule. You got it.
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You have a long road ahead with this person. Pick your battles and only dig your heals in when it counts for your child.
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Follow the court orders. Just ask if he plans on taking her to school so u can either get her homework in advance for that monday. Or try to plan dropping her off…
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If she isnt at school on Monday morning you could use that. But chill alot of kids are gonna be tired and candy hyper on monday
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Ask for a modification and add that he needs to have her back before 8pm on sundays when school is the next day or take her to school on Monday, and if he violates it that’s on him
Education comes first, especially their first year
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She’s 4 no reason she should be home in bed by 8 either way! My kids are 4, 6 and 9 and we go out around 5ish and are home we’ll before 8pm with them in bed.
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Once school starts he must go by the orders that are in place that coincide with school, that 10am Monday drop off is no longer in place. He should only have her through 6pm on Sunday. He can still take her trick or treating. A lot of places do it on Saturdays now for the various trunk or treats, especially when Halloween is on a school night. I would be calling my lawyer and having that fixed, especially if he’s an hour away. This is an area where you need specific lines and where they are drawn.
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Check with your lawyer: See if there is a way to ask for clarification since you have time. In Texas you can ask the judge for clarification on unclear issues like this
Judge would agree with him it’s his Halloween weather it’s to your liking or not is irrelevant
Just tell him she needs to be home at a decent time or he can take her to school. I would suggest getting the order amended for holidays that fall on sundays/school days. You would be in contempt if you kept her so i would not
There are going to be many occasions like this. It’s all part of divorce and custody. Kids are caught in the middle. They’re resilient. They adjust. They have no choice. She’ll be fine.
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As I am extremely experienced in both successful and unsuccessful co-parenting relationships, my advice— let it go. Whatever happens- happens. The child won’t be harmed and you save your fight for another issue.
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The holiday schedule will trump your every day schedule. However in my court order we have it stated that both parents are responsible for making sure the child is doing homework and getting to school on time. If one parent fails we go back to court and that parent will not get time during school time. Education is super important and if he is failing to take her then it can be stopped. However it will take more then one time of missing school, it needs to be a pattern of it not happening.
It’s hard but sometimes you have to bend a bit. Maybe he can have her overnight that night and drive her to school the next day? If he usually has her on weekends then adjust it so he picks her up Saturday instead of Sunday. Make sure you get it in writing though so you have something to fall back on of anything goes sideways
Um, she’s 4!!
If they get home late, just keep her home from school.
Trick or treat is about 5pm. T-o-t for an hour or so, and she can be home by 7:30ish.
People saying to call your lawyer?? Are you kidding me?
It’s ONE day!!
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Talk to a lawyer. We do not know the laws where you are. You need to get clarification regarding a school schedule having school needs take priority. Have that she needs to be home no later than 6pm the night before a school day. Also if a Halloween or any other declared holiday falls on a school day he can come take her or for Halloween or showings the eventing until a set time in your town due to the drive.
So before covid I was so strict about my kids missing school. since the schools closed I pulled my kids out and have been homeschooling them and now it seems so ridiculous. Missing a day at 4 years old is going to be ok.
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Most schools are closed the following Monday so that way it isn’t an issue but maybe that’s just where I live
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Our school is out the day after Halloween are you sure you have school? Is there noway to take her trick or treating together close to home location so she can spend time with both parents… if nothing else she’s only 4 let him take her trick or treating and you just spend the nxt day with her and skip prek…its a crazy day after Halloween anyways lol
She’s 4 is she in preschool? If the agreement states he has her til 10 am the next day then he needs to bring her back at a decent hour the night of or if he wants her til 10 am the next day it’s his responsibility to take her to school. If he doesn’t get her to school at all that day then you’ll just have to do another custody hearing specifically about holidays that are before a school day stating he is responsible for taking her to school if he refuses then he doesn’t get her on said holidays.
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Just let her go with him. He’s her dad.
Choose your battles. She’ll be ok staying up late for one night. If you’re really concerned about it put in a motion to modify your case management/parenting plan. The courts should always rule in the best interests of the child but if there is evidence of abuse the court is more likely to rule in your favor.
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You don’t. My paternal grandfather was an abusive narcissist and my grandmother would go to great lengths to make sure he saw his kids, which always failed. Good luck mama 
when he brings her home she will sleep in car
It’s his holiday so he gets to decide how that plays out. If she misses a day of school or goes late it’s really no big deal. This is such a small thing and will only cause the child stress of you make a big deal about it.
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I have stupid holidays as well also different county an hr away your just have to manage it
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The kid won’t remember a day in school that she missed. But she will remember the time she spent with her dad. I suspect it takes a narcissist to know a narcissist. You can feel free to recommend your ex do whatever you think is appropriate, but the moment you expect him to obey is the moment where your narcissism is… as Rihanna would say, “shining bright like a diamond”.
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Try to work it out between the 2 of you. Judges appreciate the fact that you work on changes out of court .atleast here they do!
Walk away from it…pick your battles…this does 't seem to be one…
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“…oh and hes a narcissist” 
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Have you asked if he would take her out somewhere close to you. Never hurts to ask
You could suggest to him that as she starts school and according to orders he has her from Friday to Sunday from then onwards would he be happy to start that Halloween so she can make it to school as her education is important
Some schools have the next day off. I would check the district calendar. I hope it goes smoothly for all.
The teachers expect grumpy children the next day anyway. Let her play with her daddy.
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Wait she has school on Halloween when its Sunday? Are you talking the next day?
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My ex husband lives an hour from me , we split all holidays in half and he has them for Christmas one year and my self the next , same with Easter , we have them on our own birthdays and for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day ,
He has his children thur, Frid sat, sun each fortnight, he pays his child support and loves his kids. Him and I were in a very terrible relationship but that’s in the past now his love for his kids has grown as he has a lot more responsibility then when we were together. As she gets older , trust me you will want the break allow him
His time, make it clear what expectations are about school and stuff have it all in writing with the courts “. Unfortunately when u leave a relationship u have to be flexible with your children and ex partner , it all changes as to be expected , be fair and open minded to it . An hour isn’t that far in comparison .
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It’s ok to stay up late once in awhile. Trust me when I say this, there will be a time you want to switch a weekend or a holiday, and he will remember you being difficult and say no. Try to co-parent and pick and choose your battles.
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Don’t show him it upsets you. A narrsasist loves to see their actions affecting you emotional. Ask your lawyer if you can get it adjusted so that she’s home an hour before bedtime, fed & bathed on school nights. Record all drop offs, pick ups & conservations. He wants to mess with you. He doesn’t want you to have proof.
If it’s his time, that’s your answer. ALS0 … he is responsible for getting her home on time for a school night. Make sure you remind him gently.
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U have to go by what the courts say if u don’t u will go to jail of her presumes it. With my divorce the father had rights every other weekend and my daughter refused to go with…the judge told me I have to pick her up and put her in the car whether she’s crying or want to go and it’s my responsibilities to make her go…so with that being said your not going to be able to fight that and if u don’t let her go and he takes u to go u could be doing jail time . It’s just for one day anyways so it should be fine when she gets home maybe she’ll take a nap or something . But u can’t stop him from taking her anywhere he wants too not should u…just let her enjoy her time with him regardless the distance. It’s only one day…