He makes the rules, you play by them.
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You know you need to go.
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You either need to leave, or find you a man/women yourself. Heās not the only one that gets to be apart of the open relationship. You donāt even have to make a big deal of itā¦
āHey honey, I need you to deal with the kids tonight. I have a date. Love you 
.ā
And you donāt have to actually go on a date if you donāt want to. Go have fun.
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Donāt tolerate it of you arenāt okay with it. Everything relationship has different rules, but both have to agree on them. Do not bend if itās going to cause you nothing but hurt.
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Go on a date with someone else!
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Never share your man!
Only advice I can give!
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Not going through the same but a separation. His words last night was im ready to be (his name) and not chrystal husband.
Wtf 23 years and u want to be you. Great. He in his med 40s.
Must be a mid life crisis
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You need to get you a 20 something year old!! You need to have your own fun! Show that mfer you can have fun too!!!
How do I deal with it? I donāt. Be monogamous or be gone.
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You deserve way better girl. If he loved you he would treat you like a queen to him you allow him to so he keeps on. I know it suck an it hard when kids are involved but love it times to go if thats your house they needa get tf out if its his house maybe you should leave with your kids. Sad situationš i feel you pain fr an i hate this
Open relationships go both ways. If itās not the physical you want, thereās ppl that will be emotional support.
But if heās telling her he loves herā¦ Heās moved on.
Sheās married? How does her husband see whatās going on?
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Throw out the cake Baby girl.
He wants the cake & to eat it too & you are letting him.
Dump the man & move on. Child support will knock the teenager outta him real quick 
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Bottom line is do YOU want that? If not then itās a no. Period. If he doesnāt except that then, hunny Iām sorry but heās cheating on you. Sounds like heās having a mid life crisis. Funny thing is if he throws this away heās gonna regret it and thatāll be his karma. Find yourself first and then move on to someone whoāll love you for you. Much love hunny
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If sheās married just have a relationship with her husband/wifeš¤·š»āāļø itās fair game and only rightšš»āāļø or find you a man/woman to have a relationship withš and if your not into that sort of thing take your kids and leave!!!
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Do you want an open relationship?
If not, leave.
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I would end it. I hope you find all the happiness you deserve but this is not it. Heās telling another woman he loves her. Time to move on and find what does make you happy and fulfilled. Good luck mama in what ever up decide
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Iām so very sorry . This is wrong in every way possible . Please do not put up with this . You deserve much better .
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Sorry to say but Iād kick his ass to the curb
Is you donāt want to and agree to open, tell him so and divorce is needed. If you want to turn the tables, find yourself a guy who wants an open relationship and I bet hubbyās tune would change fast. Nothing wrong with open/poly relationships if everyone wants one. Doesnāt sound like you do.
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Throw the whole damn man away!!! He is trash
I donāt and I wouldnāt. Iām not being someoneās cake while heās eating it to.
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I would end the relationship! He is not respecting you. Kick him out or you move out, but it would be much easier for one to go than you and the kids. I would rather be without a man than to deal with this.
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I know people that had open relationships but there were rules and boundaries and both halves agreed to wanting it a d not just one caving thinking it will save their relatiinship. If heās just wanting to do this for s@% then why are they saying I love you? Thatās wrong, just my opinion. But it seems like a one sided deal, I donāt know the whole situation buy something aināt adding up
Yuck girl you literally let him cheat and get away with it. Stop normalizing sharing your partner. I feel zero remorse you opened the door for this and now you are suffering from karma herself.
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Iād be gone, he sounds like a loser anyway. Go get yourself a real man that doesnāt act like trash cause honey this mans trash 
Why would you even allow that?
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You donāt want this or you wouldnāt be asking for help.
He sounds so so selfish.
Itās not hygienic for a start but it will be emotional hell for you.
Does her husband know they want to fool around like this?
Youād be better off without him. It might sound scary at the moment but your mental health is so important and this would trash it.
Iād help him pack his shit. Know your worth.
I would say see you later. You can have me, or someone else, but not both. 
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Throw this man away.
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You need to tell him this isnāt acceptable and if he doesnāt change ASAP you need to leave him.
Iām so sorry. This is terrible.
Iām sorrry but no. I really donāt understand couples that even consider this ok at all???
If my man even look at another woman lusty, HE GONE! BYEEE.
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Yeahā¦thatās a no from me. There would be no āroommatesā no open relationships. To me, thatās him asking to be released of his marital contract. He canāt have it both ways. 
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If that is what he wants, and you dont, end it. Some people can do it. Most can not. Neither of you should settle for less than you really want.
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Ask GOD to help you HE will .
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It sounds like heās already having an open relationship not āwantingā one. Run, heās not respecting you at all. Iām sorry youāre going through this.
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If youāre married. DEEEEEVOOOORRRCCIIIEE.
Miss out on his 20s and 30s?? Wtf Did he miss out on ? Thats the general age most men have partners and kids. What a shit excuse for a man!
You are better than that come on this is not 1930s
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Kick his ass to the curb! You deserve better
Itās time that man packs his bags and gets the hell out of your house you have four children this is not acceptable to have your children in this situation he will be paying for those four children and see if he can still afford to mistress the other alternative is you like the situation so suck it up one or the other
If you are not okay with it then say that. Just because you love him and donāt want to lose him is not reason to disrespect and hurt yourself by accepting something you are truly not okay with. Be honest with yourself, are you happy with an open relationship? If no, change that and tell him. If he doesnāt accept that then leave him. No man is worth your self esteem and stress, no man is worth unhappiness.
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Open relationships should be a mutual decision, if not then its cheating. Please understand you are not a burden, he is an ass, and I think its time to declare this relationship done
Iām sorry. My advice would be to do a trial separation if at all possible.
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Why when youāve both chosen to be monogamous by getting married? In my opinion, open relationships have no place in a monogamous one. Although they can and do work for some but not most. That being said, this would be a deal breaker for me and Iād be getting a divorce in order. He is cheating and you deserve better. Iād be talking to her husband, see if he wants to be in an open relationship with you, see how they both like that.
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Aka he is a cheating POS and you deserve better!!
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Sounds like he hasnāt given you a choice and is just doing what makes him happy. I wouldnāt tollorate it if itās not mutural
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damn shame you guys never married, But what you do us your business, So with that said, you shouldnāt be posting this on a social media, because we all will give our opinions. You want to stay with him, then you are agreeing to what ever, If you donāt like all this shit, then leave, And I am sorry, but leaving is better than whatever. Because at 20 yrs old & 2 toddlers I did & it was the BEST decision I ever made, And if I didnāt do this 48 yrs ago, I would have nothing & most likely be died
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basically he wants an affair, but cant be arsed to hide it, so is hoping you will agree, basically he wants his cake and eat it, tell him to F*ck off, you deserve better!!!
No way. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. Donāt settle for that kind of behaviour from him. He clearly has no respect for you.
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Why are you allowing this? You seem okay with the open relationship considering you allow him to see her, for 10 months even! When are you gonna pack up and move? This isnāt an āopen relationshipā this is cheating!
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Get marriage counseling. It will open the door for him to see what heās doing to his family and for you to boost your self esteem, see your worth and find your voice. Hopefully you both continue with individual therapy.
Does he want a threesome or an outside relationship? I like the idea of telling him youāre going on a date, going out and leaving him with the kids to see what happens. You can go anywhere and do anything while you are out. Or just get on an online dating service, show him some pix of younger men & ask him which oneS he thinks are the hottest & check his reaction.
Contact a womenās center and domestic violence hotline. Sounds like he is and has been emotionally abusing you. They can help you navigate a separation and divorce.
I know a couple who stays married for various reasons, and it probably makes financial sense. Husband has a woman heās obsessed with, wife is free to date. They travel overseas separately and occasionally together (pre-COVID), occasionally with one of their grown sons. Iām not sure how long this has been going on, but they live fairly separate lives, but join friends for nights out as a couple on occasion. It works for them but not sure if theyāre happy.
Another friendās husband had a big sex drive, wanted a threesome, she discovered sheās bisexual! They both cheated on each other throughout the marriage but stuck together until he died. She idolizes him but I donāt know why. I never met him but it sounds like he was a jerk. They had two daughters but I donāt know if they knew what went on or just blocked it out. She lives with herpes from all the relationships, not sure if she had other STDs. Lots of family drama though. Now in her later life she has a boyfriend and they are monogamous. Sheās not that happy with him but I donāt think she can stand being alone and at 70 the pickings are slim.
The fact that this other woman is in your neighborhood and the kids know each other is just icky. Iām sorry.
Um clearly this relationship is over my question is why are you on here asking this question itās an open relationship go find you somebody do the same you actually might find someone better
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When it comes to open relationships, poly relationships, ect there needs to be discussions, rules, trust and mutual wants. Its not a āoh I want an open relationship nowā if its not something you want, it shouldnāt be happening, period.
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Sure that may work for someā¦ but personally if my husband asked for an open relationshipā¦ thatās just an excuse to cheat ā¦ itās a āloopholeā. Leave and find someone whoās actually loyal and can handle being with 1 woman.
Plus you donāt want the kids thinking this is how a relationship is supposed to beā¦
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Throw his nasty ass out,before you end up with some diseases.
I feel like men are men, and we as women do our best to conform men in a way that is acceptable to our view of how we want them to be, instead of accepting who they were designed to be and letting them do such, and in turn, accepting who we are designed to be (nurturers, supporters, healers) and not allowing anyone to stop us from doing so.
I thought about it like this: If my husband were to put certain restrictions on me (Iām attracted to women) and we met when I was 16, I wouldnāt understand my whole self and would have this yearning, experience fantasies inside of me to live an aspect of life my husband would be keeping me from living and there would be a little resentment Iāll have towards him because of this. I didnāt like that thought of someone controlling my life and my decisions like that. After being with a woman, Iāve learned more about myself, Iāve developed a softness, a sense of subtle power within myself that increases my relationship with myself, our relationship, and my view on the world pertaining to a conformity mindset. Men who donāt have the freedom to be men while loving their women and family are crying out in pain to other men who do have this freedom with a solid woman in his corner who will love and support his endeavors, with the mutual understanding that she is his support, understanding her role as a woman scientifically, emotionally, spiritually and physically, life only goes up from there. We as women build men to be the best they can be for them, and in doing so, we reap the rewards because theyāll build and provide what we need and wantā¦ and will also build us to be the best woman we can (if you have a man who appreciates and respects you as his partner) since they love us and because weāve shown appreciation and understanding of what he truly needs to conquer. Men need to be respected (shown respect in our actions, what and how we speak to them and about themā¦this is how they interpret our true love for them), women need to be loved.
So we have an open relationship, I do get jealous from time to time, however it is very rare (normally during my menstrual cycle) because weāve communicated that I need to have his attention and need to be shown that weāre solid no matter who is around. Every partnership needs something different. Maybe you should think about thisā¦
I said all this because it sounds to me like your husband has always wanted an open relationship and has only found a woman heās liked on a few occasions. Maybe you should get to know her and see how much yāall have in common. You may be surprised if yāall end up being friends or more. Try not to be afraid of losing your husband and think about this being an opportunity to advance. You will only gain understanding and perspective of Self, your husband and the world. Knowledge is power.
A couple things to consider, Iād look into polyamory and how that works. It sounds like you arenāt meeting his needs and heās tried expressing that, Iād definitely take a look at yourself and see if maybe thereās some things your missing/lacking from him too. Sometimes itās a lot to ask of one person to care for your emotional and physical needs. Maybe your both open the idea of polyamory, āopen relationshipā to me sounds far to much like a free pass for cheating in this sense so Iād definitely look at all aspects to make sure there isnāt an element your missing or skimming over at best. Iād put the brakes on him talking to her and do some in-depth communication between each other to see where the gap is and how to move forward.
You deserve better and so donāt your kids
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Leave his bitch ass and never look back
If he wants to sleep around let himā¦without you
You have to protect yourself against std. Dont let him anywhere near you . Leaveā¦or better still pack his stuff and kick him out
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He wants your permission to cheat 
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Clearly you need to leave
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Nope nope nope!! His having it his way or no way!! You do not need to allow him to treat you like that, and itās not a āmutualā agreement so you need to stop it happening or make the decision about ending your relationship with him! He is treating you very badly and has no respect for you! Please, please for your own mental health think about it properly and how itāll be effecting the children also!
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His midlife crisis but I canāt see any person be a man or woman agree to this ill share alot of things but not my man if him and her loves each other let them have each other dont fall for his messtake ur kids and leave or let him go stay with her and her husband
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As soon as my man said āopen relationshipā Iād be out the door. It works for some people but NOT for me. If you arenāt happy with it you need to say so. But sounds like itās too late
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I wouldnāt cope with that, period. Sorry love you deserve better.
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My up most respect to you because I wouldnāt be able to do it.
You donātā¦ end it. He wants his cake and eat it too. See ya! The kind of people that want relationships like that are pigsā¦ cheaters ā¦ probably been doing it all along and now just wants to be open about it. If you want love and true commitmentā¦ find someone else.
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Why are you still with him?
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P.s. staying together for the kids is an excuse. Kids are not stupid and they will eventually see thru the bs and lies and resent the parent that wanted the lifestyle like that. Allowing that other woman to have your significant other makes you weak and she probably makes fun of you with her friends and even him. Youāre too good for them! Let the loser go and make his ass pay child support on those 4 kids and honeyā¦ thatās probably why he donāt wanna end it with you completelyā¦ he knows heāll have to pay out the ass. Iād start getting g sexy and meeting guys let him see how it feels and then tell him youāre glad this happened because now you know what real men are like. Be strong ā¦ and please for your kids sake donāt allow this to go on because you wouldnāt want your daughters to be treated that way or your sons to grow up thinking itās ok and treat women that way. Good luck!
Does sound like heās asking , heās telling you. And heās already having one!. Itās not good and I hope
For you the strength to stand up for yourself and reclaim the respect you deserve.
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He would be living in that raggedy ass tent heās carrying around!! Get a backbone and respect yourself because nobody else will until YOU do!!!
He clearly just wants to be with another woman
Get with another man and if he gets mad then just divorce that pos
If he expects you to be ok with him doing whatever he wants and still come home to you he can think again about that privilege
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Nope. I would just tell him if heās not happy bye
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Ok so if itās an open relationship ur allowed to see someone too yes? Find u a man that satisfies ur needs and when he gets pissed be like hey this is what u wanted. Also Iām aware that itās petty and sounds trashy but for real an open relationship should benefit both parties not just Iām out getting what he needs at this point my dude is having his cake and eating it too
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He doesnt want an open Relationship. He wants permission to cheat. Why didnt you Leave the first time?
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I would open the door and tell him to Go For It!!
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Get you a boyfriend. Sounds like yāall poly but heās the only one practicing. Why are you choosing to not practice?!
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A switch from a monogamous relationship to a non-monogamous relationship is essentially the end of one and starting of another. And you can give that loss of relationship even if you stay together. He has every right to set these boundaries, but you also have every right to walk away! If you choose to stay, communication skills need to grow all around. You both need to be very open with each other. Your feelings, desires, boundariesā¦good AND bad. It sounds like heās been going about this wrong and thatās where communication needs to come in. Sit down and talk. Open, honestly, and often. Break up if this isnāt a relationship style that works for you! Oh and if you stay, explore if youād like things to be open on your end too. He doesnāt just get it on his side by default; you both can seek fulfillment elsewhere.
Kick him out and tell him to go and go and live with his peice of meat why are you putting up with this
Is it okay for you? If you want an open relationship well go for it, if not send him packing because settling for second best never works.
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Open relationships take a lot of trust and honesty to work. This is not that. Sounds like he is doing whatever he wants and slapping a label on it. Very disrespectful.
Not gonna tell you to leave. But you definitely need to be out there too. Donāt close yourself off and let him have his cake and eat it too! Go out, meet people, have dates with men you like. Even start just chatting with people online if the other stuff is too uncomfortable at first. Heās doing what he wants, you can too. If he complains laugh and walk away. He chose this.
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I could never do an open relationship. I donāt share. I feel like if either party were satisfied they wouldnāt be looking elsewhere. And if theyāre not satisfied then be single until you find someone that does satisfy you. Relationships get old and boring but thatās where loyalty comes in. Thatās a big nope for me.
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Tell him it is over asap.
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Omg that would be so hard. Seeing him with someone else, then having to see her and her kids every day. Would be so incredibly hurtful. Iād be a messā¦
Girl, get every bit of self esteem and confidence you have left and kick his ass to the curb.
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yikes! Donāt accept that kind of situation in your home and your family. What kind of example is that for your kids?! Honestly if he is saying I love you to someone elseā¦ I would be like open relationship,really? No thank you! the only thing open here is the door and please feel free to use it and donāt come back!
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Donāt waste anymore time. Kick him out
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Ok it seems like youāre not both not on board for this so I would tell him no me and my husband have talked about this and we agreed in our personal relationship that you know maybe occasionally we might bring a girl for both of us but thatās between us and thatās also us both agreeing And discussing it if youāre not on board for an open relationship and tell him no tell him I donāt feel comfortable with this cuz the only way it would ever work is if youāre both on board and both agree to it and the way he sounds it sounds like he just wants to be with another woman me and my husband agreed that if we do anything itās both of us involved weāre very honest with each other and it makes us both uncomfortable to have someone alone so thatās our agreement but thatās us talking over it for a while and deciding what we wanted not just what one person wanted so if you donāt want to tell him no
Are you ok with an open relationship or are you just afraid of losing him? Sounds to me like he just wants permission to cheat and youāre giving it to him.
If you want a monogamous relationship, go and find it with someone else. Seeing as youāre not out getting your own side action Iām assuming you donāt REALLY want an open relationship and itās obvious your SO just wants to have his cake and eat it too, and youāre worth far more than that.
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Youāre worth more than that! Donāt stand for his teenage bullshit!! Kick his ass to the kerb , with steel capped boots!!
Your life your decision. You have to live in it. Just know that at any given moment you have the right to change your mind.
FYIā¦ If a divorce is wanted, If you approve of affairs, thatās when itās when itās hard to prove adulterous affairs, through a divorce. If I forgive the affair and then take spouse back then, affair might be excused by the judge. So be careful. Laws in different states are different. Most couples divorce, after claiming a year of separation. Easiest way to exit if in agreement about everything. Talk to a lawyer for best legal advice.
It sounds like heās probably already cheating on you and now heās asking for acceptance. Kick him to the curb.
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Oh no, this sounds like something you are uncomfortable with and lines are being crossed. Tbh i would have left already.
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If heās doing it already then you have every right to kick him out OR you have every right to got and have sex with someone else too.
Iād be kicking him out though with the bullshit of him saying āi love youā to other women and not caring what you want within your marriage. Its as much your life and marriage.
I think thereād be a better man out there for you. That would be too difficult for me & this country loves single moms. Donāt hurt yourself trying to keep a man satisfied.
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Run get him away from you and the kids he is a low life
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get rid of this scum bucket . he is a loser , you deserve better