I’m a big believer in doing whatever you want in this life, as long as it doesn’t hurt others. For the most part, polyamorous & open relationships do hurt others!
It’s virtually impossible to have a continuous (mostly) sexual relationship with someone because 9 times out of 10, one (if not both) of the people will at least develop some sort of romantic feelings… for someone else’s partner/husband/wife. I know people say it works allll the time… but I have never seen one work out (maybe it seems that way, but behind closed doors I promise someone is hurting/feeling jealous/etc) Heartbreak hotel, if you ask me.
I think if you want to sleep with multiple people (& there’s nothing wrong with that), be single!
9 Likes
Wow! You need to wake up n realize your a mother! Whatever kind of sick twisted shit he needs to b a man does NOT have to involve your kids…I mean how long do u think this will go on before your kids or hers figure it out and start asking questions or talking to their friends about it! Life is already hard for them as it is and ur throwing in his fantasy to make it worse! Leave him and find someone who wants you n and ur kids…and why do u need her as a friend?? You have to have someone to support you thru this! They’re saying I love you! RED FLAG. It’s not open if you’re not a willing participant! It’s more of a peer pressure issue for you at this point! Kids come first! Reevaluate your life n fix what is broke…sex with others isn’t gonna make it better!
And sorry to say the biggest mistake was moving her in cuz whether you like it or not they’re getting in bed with or without you…RUN!
She moved in hows that fair unless her husband moves in also I think your crazy puttin up with tghis but I was obviously raised differently I would NEVER let this happen let alone to let it continue If he truely loves you he would not be doing this your a Hella of a women putting up with this Good Luck
2 Likes
If you’re not okay with it, even asking for an open relationship is a HUGE slap in the face. Like another woman said, grounds for asking for a divorce 100% !!!
2 Likes
I understand that it isn’t always as easy to just “RUN AND GET A DIVORCE” especially when kids are involved and you’ve been together that long. If he’s wanted and succeed in having an open relationship previously and is continuing, then the love and respect for you has been gone. Do not beat yourself up mentally. Focus on being the best mom possible for your babies. If you have the financial option and stability to leave, then do so. It would be best for you and your daughters. If you don’t have that option talk to him about finances and work towards getting on your feet. I’d be devastated if my significant other ever even thought of asking for an open relationship
2 Likes
I couldn’t do it. You deserve to be honored and respected. He isn’t doing either.
2 Likes
Hell no! I’d be kicking both their asses out. Find you a man that can commit to you. You deserve better.
Had some neighbors that did that. He wanted it, she left him for someone he hooked her up with. I don’t think he will ever recover from the shock!
1 Like
Uhhhh … no. That’s just plan out cheating. And he is trash for it and so is she.
Well… I’d say you have several options…
- Leave…
- Allow his open end of the relationship. And you could of course return the favor by finding yourself a sexy guy too…
- Talk to her hubby and see where he stands on this all…
I do agree with most comments. It seems like he wants your approval to cheat on you, so in the end you can’t throw it in his face and be mad about it.
Also agree with the statements that an open relationship only works if both agree.
You need to sit yourself down and have a good thinking session. If leaving isn’t an option, what do you want/are you willing to put up with from him.
It’s not really cheating if you approve. But the danger is in the unknown part after it happens. Can you still be with him if he had been with her… you might think you approve… but once it happens would you really? Is it something you can live with in the long run. Can you trust him… believe he loves you and wants to be with you? There’s so much feeling involved with this…
I couldn’t do it… you either want to be with me or not. This open relationship shyt wouldn’t work for me at all . sorry.
5 Likes
Well u agreed to this u set u self up get out
As a mother of daughters, how would you feel if a boy treated your daughter this way?
6 Likes
File for custody of the kids and for divorce. He will obviously never want just you and you deserve better and to be happy.
2 Likes
So he’s asking you to go along with his cheating behavior. Wow. He’s got some nerve. I would have show him the door the first time he asked that.
4 Likes
You came to the wrong group if you’re looking for poly advice 
3 Likes
mid life crisis maybe? and if you’re not okay with it then it’s not an open relationship. Honestly idk anyone with one that actually works bc people get hurt. I think people just get a certain lust, put a socially acceptable label on it and then don’t care who they hurt. It’s selfish.
2 Likes
Personally wtf cope that’s the question. If your not happy with it . Than tell him you not happy and don’t want it . Your allowing him to disrespect you . And your degrading and obviously hurting yourself for what? I don’t understand. Like why put up with it if you don’t want that . Either tell him it you and only you or bye bye . Know your worth it’s really sad when woman don’t know there worth .
3 Likes
Oh hell no!!! I would slap his ass with divorce papers so fast!!! I don’t agree with this open marriage shit!!!
My cure to that SAME situation except he was cheating not asking for an open relationship… I divorced him 10 years ago… I am now remarried (for 2 1/2 years now) to a wonderful man… Life is wonderful and I no longer feel unwanted or undesired and I don’t have to wonder or worry if I am the only one… Good luck to you!!
2 Likes
I would’ve never allowed it lol but you messed up already allowing this crap
2 Likes
It’s not open if you aren’t agreeing with it. In your situation, sounds like cheating to me… leave. He doesn’t respect you
6 Likes
You don’t. You put up with it until you break. It’ll hurt until you find the strength to leave or decide to take care of yourself. If he wants an open relationship and you’ve already let him, then that means you too. Turn the tables on him if it’s open for him it’s open for you.
2 Likes
It’s not a option with me once it comes up it’s over.
1 Like
It sounds like he just wants permission to cheat honestly…
7 Likes
He just wants it to be ok with you for him to cheat. I’d run far and run fast
3 Likes
Can I just say don’t ignore the red line under a word you typed, start there…everything else will start to fall into place
It sounds like you’ve already allowed it. So naturally you’d be “the bad guy” for saying you don’t want that lifestyle anymore. It’s probably better you just leave and find someone who’s only into you. He’s not going to want to change his lifestyle now.
3 Likes
time to just call a spade a spade and split amicably for the kids but girl it sounds like the longer you sit and do nothing the more you are hurting yourself
1 Like
You don’t. You get out of that relationship if that’s how he’s going to be.
1 Like
He’d be living in that damn tent.
WOW lady as a lady you sure have more respect for yourself.
1 Like
I’m sorry but no I’d be leaving, does her husband know is he OK with this? Nah he’d be gone
1 Like
Is it an option for you to seek the same? In a situation where you love your husband but always have needs he doesn’t meet.
2 Likes
Agree with the open relationship so you can look for someone to love you. Once you find that then leave a married woman shouldn’t have to share her husband and vice versa. What’s going to happen when he falls in love you will be left holding the bag.
3 Likes
This isn’t even a relationship. Leave. He’s immature that’s why he’s acting that way. If he tells her I love you it’s because he loves her. Leave him. It’s crazy what we deserve as woman!
3 Likes
I might sound petty but if he is doing it to you why can’t you be with another man (maybe her husband) at the same time just saying maybe then he will feel what you feel… that is if you still want to be with him…why suffer…that or just divorce…
4 Likes
An open relationship is just a way a man can have sex with other women (or men) without it being considered cheating. He’s either already cheated on you or he will if you say no…
Just leave his ass.
I’m surprised no one even mentioned this yet…
She’s married? Does the husband even know what’s she’s doing??? I’d be telling him and showing him prove of what’s happening!
10 Likes
This is horrible. I guess all i can say is start fucking her husband…Or LEAVE!
It was an open relationship because originally you agreed to it. It is not cheating, again because you agreed to it. However, now that you are no longer comfortable with it, he needs to stop. If this is what her chooses to continue to do, then you need to decide if you are okay with an open relationship or to leave him.
5 Likes
Yea this wouldnt work for me. Them saying they love each other and going places together is more than just sex. The whole situation is kind of strange and if I had kids with someone there is no way I’d live like this unless you prefer to go out with other men also. If that’s the case I guess its y’alls business.
Nope nope NOPE.
OPEN IS OPEN, if thats the way its going to be… you can find someone else too.
My heart hurts for you, I could never.
1 Like
Not no but he’ll no. If you are not enough for him then it is time for him to get out and you to find someone who will respect you for who you are.
1 Like
This wasn’t “open relationship”. This was him pressuring you to accept him sleeping around.
11 Likes
Uh he woulda been history a long time ago!!
1 Like
Is this a midlife crisis ?
1 Like
Lady, from this moment on… he is out of the picture. This is not about how long y’all been “together”, the amount of kids you both have, whatever old history there is, etc etc. You are not happy and he continues to bring the lame ol’ sorry excuse as to why he “needs/have to.” Time to cut the cord, cold turkey. From now on, Worry about yourself, your kids, your own happiness. Don’t EVER let a man make you feel like you deserve anything less than what you deserve. Let him go and be someone else’s problem. He has some serious issues and he wants you to be OK with it. He could have sex with you, her, anyone… but none of that temporary ecstasy will fix anything for him. You will be wasting your time. Move on! You got this. This is your moment to do what’s right for you and your kids. Let the loser, be the loser. 
Get rid of the problem!! HIM
3 Likes
There is absolutely no way in hell this would happen here. My husband would never even consider doing that. Good luck to you.
Open relationships are only good if both people are truly ok with it and there are rules. It sounds like you aren’t and that’s perfectly fine. If you aren’t okay with it leave. It sounds like he isn’t just a one woman kind of man and it’s just going to hurt you. Find someone who loves you and only you.
3 Likes
Divorce! If my
Man wanted an open relationship I’d hand him papers ASAP 
6 Likes
So using love you doesn’t sound like just sex anymore… Sounds like the beginning of something more and you may end up being the “open” in his side of the relationship with HER…
Why are you raising your kids around a man who shows you no respect?
4 Likes
Open relationships can be great, if both parties want it. If you’re not comfortable then you can say no. If you’re only comfortable with certain things, than agree to that, and make it known that if those boundaries are crossed the relationship will be closed again. You need to have a lot of communication and trust in each other in order for it to work.
1 Like
That’s so wrong on so many levels….
6 Likes
You deserve better. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
I left my husband bc all he wanted to do was play video games and drink. Were not 20 anymore and have a child to raise. Now I split our family and he tried to make me feel guilty.
PM me if you need to. Hugs momma
1 Like
if this was my husband i’d tell him the only thing open about our relationship is the door and I’ll lock it behind him. bye bye 
14 Likes
Absolutely not.
Would he be okay with YOU being open? Or is it one sided?
Sorry but your husband sounds like trash. Sounds to me like he pressured you to ‘consent’ to this open relationship and that’s not true consent. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. My best advice is to seek counseling, get your mind going in the right direction and make an action plan. Be it leaving him or some other strategy that works for you. Nobody has the right to mess with your mind.
Yur post doesn’t make sense. First your saying that your husband wants an open relationship, but when you read further, you guys are already in one. But you guys are roommates, who’s roommates?? You and your husband, or are you guys living with the other couple, since she is married to?? Do you sleep with other people to, because you just mention that your husband sleeps with another person, and not you.
1 Like
He’s already in an open relationship he’s just letting you know
5 Likes
To each their own but my husbsnd is
Open relationships aren’t for everyone, but they work for the ones that want them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your spouse, it just means monogamy isn’t your thing. But it takes communication and trust to work properly. The flip side…if monogamy IS your thing don’t ever let a significant other pressure you into accepting it. It. Will. Not. End. Well!!! If you do not want this then tell him immediately. Do not stand for it. Do not accept it. You deserve the life you want, not one demanded of you.
6 Likes
If 1. You are not okay with it. 2. You are not seeing or talking to someone. then this isn’t an open relationship. He’s just cheating. And I’m guessing since you said you’re “just roomates” now that you’re not sleeping together. I’d just put a bug in his ear & tell him you set up a consultation with a divorce lawyer. See what he does then. He either stops his bs or you find out that he wants out of the marriage.
11 Likes
My STBX husband and I had an open relationship. Of course, only he knew about it. It isn’t worth the heartache. Get out now.
3 Likes
you shouldn’t feel any guilt about him missing his 20 -30s because of the kids…what about your life ! As hard as it is to start over…it is time…if he is saying I love you to her…right now you are just a hotel allowing them to continue their affair…does her Husband know
2 Likes
These situations can be great if handled correctly. If you want your marriage to continue then talk to him about it but be gentle with your words dont just attack him. Try to understand why this happened and why it makes him happy to have both. If you don’t want to save your relationship that’s ok! Then start the process of leaving and get a strong support system. 
good luck. If you want to talk reach out.
You leave your not into it and unless your ok with it it’s cheating end of story
Pack his stuff and tell him to have a good life…then move on.
2 Likes
Girl I would leave. You deserve better.
1 Like
Marriage is not for everyone. I wish people would stop getting married if they want open relationshits…yes shits cuz thats what it is. If you just want to play games then dont get married.
It sounds like hes the only one in the open relationship… not you. Thats not a mutual agreement. I would leave. This is disturbing.
2 Likes
Your marriage is over. Divorce him and take some time to remember your worth and do not get into another relationship until you find someone who values you.
4 Likes
Take your kids and run, before he decides to really get rid of you. There are places that can help you. Hi.
1 Like
He sounds like he needs a counselor to work through whatever is going on his head. There’s something much deeper going on. That probably has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
You deserve better , ask him to end things or leave . Not going to get better from here
1 Like
An open relationship should be mutual right? Honestly, why put yourself through that? Why watch the man you married sleep with another woman? Is this really the example you want to set your kids? That it’s ok to step out of the marriage because hes in a midlife crisis?
3 Likes
Gross, leave him. Leave him to screw whoever the hell he wants and find someone that only wants and needs you.
You need to get out of this toxic situation the shoes fits both feet if you continue to allow this then it’s also on your shoulders as well not to mention how this will effect your children 
I’m sure you home life isn’t on good terms please find a better solution for you and your children and separate from that environment
2 Likes
He basically wants to cheat with your permission. That’s a bit too close to home- even if you were okay with it why does it have to basically be a neighbor?
5 Likes
I’m sorry but polyarmory is NOT a lifestyle you just spring on your longterm partner. Then go behind their back and pursue a relationship based on secrecy and infidelity.
He’d be divorced. Some simp wants him? Let them have him. He clearly doesn’t care about YOU. He wants to screw other people and is probably already doing it. Polyamory doesn’t work for the vast majority of relationships and almost every time it starts like this where one just wants to cheat and have 0 commitments while the other is faithful and loving and monogamous.
Ignore any woman attempting to defend him flat out dismissing your feelings. That is wrong in any relationship, every time.
6 Likes
If you are not comfortable with it than you know the answer to your question.
2 Likes
Gf… you should get you and your babies out of this situation. Because this effects them too. The boys will think this is ok and its how you treat women and the girls would think oh this is how i am ment to be treated as a woman. No! When you’ve mustard up the courage… and it will take a couple of goes for you considering your history together and the kidos. Its amazing how powerful you feel once you make yourself prioity your babies need you to do this for yourself. Don’t forget to have some people in your life for support and to stand with you. Xx all the best!
3 Likes
This isn’t an open relationship. Thats him cheating and telling you because you’re allowing him to sleep with another woman and have allowed it in the past. Wow he sounds like a real winner. No way. Tell his girlfriends husband and then tell your pig of a husband that he needs to decide what he wants. Because you are clearly not ok with whats going on here. Hes only sleeping with another woman and he treats you like a roommate. Thats not what an open relationship is… he’s telling a married woman whose not you that he loves her… thats crazy… he doesnt want an open marriage he wants to keep you on the back burner cuz its comfortable and he knows he has no long term future with that hoe 10 mins down the road since she’s married. he wants you there to take care of him and the kids and pick up the pieces when that whole mess stops. Hes telling you you are not good enough and showing you that he isn’t attracted to you anymore and that he’s getting his feel good happy lovey stuff from another woman. It would be different if he was having sex with you too but he’s not. He doesn’t love you the way you deserve to be loved and if you really think he still wants to be married to you you need to take a step back and see how crazy this situation really is. If he wanted an open relationship and you don’t thats just him cheating and throwing it in your face all the time and demanding that you be ok with it. He sounds like a serial cheater. You said This is the 3rd or 4th time he’s had whole ass relationships with other women during your marriage with him. Thats disturbing. If it was just for sex and you were ok with that I find that absurd but its not my life but from what you said its clearly not just for sex. Hes having a whole relationship with this other woman right in front of you. Id tell him to decide what he wants because this isn’t fair to you. Or that hoes poor husband who sounds like he probably has no idea his wife slobing on another man’s d1ck. If he wants an open relationship and you do too then tell him he needs to have sex with you too and make sure you find another man too. If one or both of you are sleeping with other ppl make sure you use protection because he sounds like he’s probably not since he’s so in love with her he doesn’t care about wrapping his dirty dick from his wife to his girlfriend. If you’re not ok with any of it tell him. If you want to be with me you only get to be with me. You don’t get to have me and have another relationship within this relationship. He sounds like a disgusting pervert who doesn’t give a sh1t about his wife or his family. If he loved you he wouldn’t be telling some other women he loves her and ignoring you in the bedroom while he fu<ks another women everyday and acts a fool over some cheating hog hoe. F ALL THAT. JUST LEAVE HIM. open relationship my ass.
Personally if I’d found out my “husband” did this bs I would’ve found me my side piece 10 months ago.
You and your kids are better off without him, you can’t teach your kids what commitment means when they see their dad doing whatever he wants. Missing his 20s &30s? He made that choice.
1 Like
If your roommates now then you dont have a marriage
2 Likes
An open relationship should be mutal. Of your not ok with it anymore for any reason at ANY TIME. You say so. Make ground rules if you do want this but to me sounds like there are no rules and lines. Good luck
1 Like
That is not an open relationship in my mind. First it should have been fully discussed. Were you ok with it in the beginning? Is this the first time he has said he loves someone else?
IMO I would leave. If y’all are more roommates then anything then I think the marriage is over
4 Likes
Byyyyyeeeeeee fool. This behavior won’t change you’ll live in this cycle forever, time to move on and take care of you so you can take care of those babies life is just too short for this kind of stuff emotional bs
4 Likes
I’d rather be on my own personally. Not healthy for you or the kids. Let him go do his thing 
3 Likes
Give him what he wants .If he wants open .You can get more than he can
He’s a crappy husband lovely and an even worse human. Nobody puts someone they value through shit like this. Leave now.
An open relationship is not supposed to be one sided get out and get healthy for yourself and your kids
2 Likes
When I read your post I felt your sadness and how you feel unsure. That in itself should tell you that you are unhappy. You also deserve happiness even if you don’t think so. Your answer is in your post, now you have to decide what you want to do about it.
5 Likes
You are a queen… find that crown girl… and don’t share it
8 Likes
