How to deal with a bitter baby momma?

I’ve been married to my husband for four years now, but together for six years. Together we have two toddlers, a three-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy. My husband shares an almost 11-year-old boy and an almost 10-year-old boy with his ex-wife whom he was only married to for five years. LONG story short, my husband’s ex is constantly comparing my husband’s relationship with our babies to his relationship with his two sons. As a mother, I can understand her frustration. His sons primarily live with their mother (HER choice) whilst our toddlers have their daddy every single day. The love my husband has for all four of his children are equal. Just like how the love I have for my two toddlers are equal. Just like how his ex wife’s love for all of her children with my husband and her now husband are equal. So my question is, how do we deal with her negative comments and accusations towards me and my husband about how she believes my husband doesn’t “want” his two older sons and how he cares more for our babies more than the two boys. My husband is a great dad, he just sees his two older boys less. just like how any other divorced mother and father would see their shared children less than the children who live at home with them. We don’t believe that it’s our duty to make his ex feel secure in her son’s relationship with their father. We believe the boys should feel secure in their relationship with their dad, which my husband does a good job in doing, but obviously the mother disagrees. Do we ignore her comments and just keep living like this? And I would be lying if I didn’t say my husband has a special bond with our babies. Especially our daughter. She’s his first daughter after two boys. What do you expect? But he has NEVER shown favoritism.
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I’m not sure why she’s upset about it when it’s her decision of when they’re with her vs him. To me the most important thing would be is that the kids know how their relationship with their dad is. They know there’s no favoritism & they feel fine secure and happy. I’m not sure if she’s just jealous especially because now he has a “daddy’s girl”, but I would just ignore it. I’m not sure what I would do if it continued… I guess confront her and ask her why she feels like that.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to deal with a bitter baby momma?

Just ignore her it’s her problem how she sees things not yours… keep doing what your doing and be happy knowing that the kids know the truth

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Tell her the only way to change that is if the kids lived with you full time.

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Ummm… if you can see a “special bond” between the kids he has with you and not his other two boys, I can 100% bet on the fact that they see it too.

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Approach her with the option of 50/50 shared custody to have equal time, as it should be anyway.

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Straight up tell her allow him more time with the kids then see how much her tunes change. How can he show equal amount of time and love for all 4 if not given the time to do so. If my baby daddies wanted more time I grant it. If my man had another child and his baby mama said something like that I would tell her give him more time with them like he loves the equal just has more time with his current 2 then the others because of her choices.

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If they live with their mom than she probably knows something you guys don’t and she’s probably trying to tell him that he needs to do something a little bit more for them when he sees them. Take them to do something extra special

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If yous can, do week on week off so she shuts up. If that doesn’t happen then don’t listen to her crap

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Every mother wants the absolute best for her children (including love and attention)… allow her to have the issues she has identified… ignore them if you are certain you’ve asked yourselves all the right questions.

How is that a bitter baby mama? Every single last drop of that was about the children, and she’s wanting him to spend MORE time with the children.

I think YOU are the bitter one here, and I don’t believe for a second that this is the entire story.

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Ignore her a mother who loves her children will never teach them to hate the other parent or any family a mother will reassure her children how loved and special they are to.her and you guys too a mother will only say negative things when she wants her children on her side don’t let her pettiness bother you Ignore her but tell those children you love them everyday and never stop saying that no matter what she says

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Tell Him To Ask For Full Custody And Her Reaction Will Tell U How She Really Feels

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try to make boundaries if you already haven’t let her know that the way she is dealing with the situation is unacceptable and that there has to be ground rules you all equally love the children the same so they are the number one priority not how the other parent thinks or feels it only matters if the child is happy and understands the situation I know everybody hates Family Court but you can get a refrain from it’s an order of protection and all it does is state that neither parties are allowed to be little talked down to or disrespect in any sort of way towards the other parent she can get violated and actually get in trouble by the law for not doing what the refrain from says I had to have that with my exAnd it helped tremendously it seems as though she has hard feelings and is putting her feelings in front of the children and that is her own issue and not you guys the best of luck to you…

Thats her problem she’s just jealous thats all it is.

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Keep your cool and help make pleasant memories for your stepchildren. Never speak ill of their mother. You be the wise parent.

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Ignore her…she seems to be the one with the issue and not the kids

…when the kids bring it, then address it

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I feel the older 2 can express their own feelings

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When you said bitter baby mama, I thought I was going to read some real foolishness. :roll_eyes: Maybe, just maybe her boys noticed this “special bond” that your husband has with your kids and it upsets them. Of course you’re going to say that he doesn’t show favoritism but if you notice their relationship so does his older sons. Now when his boys visit, does he take just the 2 of them out for some alone time? If not, that’s probably the problem. But before you throw their mother under the bus, maybe you should make sure that the older boys don’t have a problem.

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Mind your business. Try being an adult, and having a Conversation… what an idea 🤷

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Her opinion of him or you aren’t any of your business. Like your life and love those boys as your own and they will see that in blended families that just is how life works out sometimes

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Blow her off, don’t feed the bitch.

Has he asked for more time with her kids. Does he spend less time with them cause he now has other kids. I can see where she is comming from

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Just ignore it. Kindness is a great rebuttal

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I know he’s your husband now, but that’s between them. You can help offer advice to him privately if he’s having a conversation about it, but you shouldn’t talk to her directly about it. You can be civil and talk about the weather and whatnot, but stay out of it. Ignore her if she tries to bait you. And “special bond” can be taken as favoritism.

I don’t know if you truly realize how painful it is to see your kids hurt because their dad does more with his other children than your own. It’s heartbreaking.

Whatever the situation is, bonding time is crucial. He could do more to reassure them and make them feel involved in the extended family. Make sure all the holidays and birthdays are special for all of the kids. Let him have his visitation time and special bonding time with his boys when they’re there.

Just put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if the tables were turned.

Maybe he could get the custody agreement changed up a bit and have extra time with them. Asking for full custody is cruel and a slap in the face. You wouldn’t want your children taken away, would you?

Extra visitation and quality time isn’t too much to ask for. Just be a positive and caring stepmom when they’re there, and don’t talk about anything negatively in front of them. Don’t bash their mom.

I was in a similar situation. My daughter’s father stopped seeing her completely and spent all of his time with his other daughter. He never got the chance to make amends and be a father to all of his kids equally, he passed away. I understand where you’re coming from, I do. But I have been in her position as well.

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Pretend that hoe doesn’t exist. It will pass her off even more and you’ll have a peaceful you . :rofl::innocent:

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There is definitely a problem…and its you…you mention how much you love your kids but didnt include hers…that alone is speaking volumes…you mentioned the length of time they were married daying ONLY 5 years…you are married for only 4! You are the prblem

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Turn a deaf ear too her…

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Ignore her thats all you can do.

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Well the mother (ex) should feel that her boys r secure when with dad no not your job but mom shouldn’t have to question that… in my opinion

Secondly I completely understand the whole dad and daughter thing my bf has 2 boys from previous relationships and always wanted a little girl so when we had our first the excitement yes and the 2nd baby momma was not happy and became very jealous went as far as telling their now 11 year old that our daughter isn’t his sister and he only has 1 sister which is her daughter and he keeps the boy from seeing dad and sisters because we now have 3 little girls my partner gives all his kids equal love but obviously there is more time spent with.our girls because we live together and she has made it difficult for him to see his son because she let jealousy take over instead of the needs for the kiddos so that being said I had to put her in her place told her get the fuck over her childish selfish ways grow up be a mother!!! And stop using their kid as a pawn

Ask if there is anyway she will be happy with the whole family (her, her husband, yourself, your kids and their kids plus your husband) to sit down and have dinners and game nights once a week either Friday or Saturday nights.

She’s just worried that her kids are ‘missing out’ but, she needs to also provide a solution as best she can. If you guys can all be civil and have a good relationship then, try to have that.

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I am going to say it. I feel like there is a missing piece here. Like when is this being said, are there incidents we’re the older kids feel left out? They are a lot older so are plans being made that just don’t center around little kid friendly?. If you see a “special bond” then something IS off. And all should come to the table and figure it out

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Never been in this situation as a parent but as a child, I can relate. I was brought up in Texas, but my father lived in Indiana. My advice: Ask the boys if they feel that they are not getting enough time wuth their dad? This opens the conversation for a heart-to-heart chat, to let you know how they really feel. It let’s you know if there really is an issue, or if the ex ( their mom ) is jealous or trying to cause problems by spinning her own version of things. If the boys feel there is an issue of not getting enough time with dad, then explore why that is. The boys could be wanting more time with dad because tgey are growing up and want to ‘male bond’ with their father, as their role model and parent. ( Or there might be an issue with their step-dad towards them. )
Their father could petition the court for more time, or go for full custody. ( Maybe their mom doesn’t really want custody of them now, since they are older and her focus has changed. Not saying she doesnt love her sons, but perhaps SHE is the issue. Maybe she wants more ‘alone time’ with her current husband. ( It does happen, as children age up ).
Asking the boys, is where you start your fact-finding.
Then remind them that the courts currently allow only a certain time frame with them. ( This helps the boys to understand that their Dad is not to blame for the time not allowed. And takes away any hard feelings the boys might have started feeling). But offer to make it up to the boys by starting activities that focuses on them. Make their visits about quality time, instead of quantity time. Ask the boys what they would like to do! Go to a movie of their choice or go to an indoor gym like that one in WF on Kemp Str. Ask if they want to play basketball at a park that has a hoop. Or go to Chucky Cheese. Make their visit eventful that focuses on them! This removes any negative feelings of ‘being left out’ that they may be harboring. It also, lets them know that their dad loves them and helps them realize that they are still an important part of their father’s world. (They might feel like they want to matter to him). This is a great way to build memories and take away hard feelings, while staying on a positive footing with the boys. Its not about quantity so much, as its about QUALITY time. But your first source of fact-finding should be to question the boys, to see if there really is an issue…or is it their mom, who is the problem.

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Have your husband talk to his sons to make sure the comments are strictly from his ex & not the boys. Then tell her if she doesn’t stop, especially if she’s doing it in front of the boys, he will sue for joint custody. That should shut her up! It’s always an option!!

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You ignore them. Her opinion is irrelevant.

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Nope I’m not okay with this my kids dad is the same exact way with our kids we have a 4 and 5 year old together and he has a 3 year old little girl with his wife our daughters are 11 months apart. And he does everything for and with his new daughter takes her on daddy daughter dates and never does anything with our kids, we have a week on week off custody agreement and the whole week I have them he doesn’t call or ask anything about them. And his wife says the same thing he has a special bond with their daughter. Even my kids feel it and see it and voice it to me.

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Ask her for specific examples and what she would like to see instead. Maybe there’s a simple solution and she has a point. If all she does is make vague accusations and has no suggestions, then just learn to say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

Also talk to the boys. Ask the 10-year-old about how he feels, what he wants & needs from his dad. The 10-year old is headed towards puberty and the perils of middle school and he needs his dad more than ever now.

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Maybe him and his sons could have a little one on one time with their dad every so often?

My little boy craves this with his dad… he has a new partner who has 2 children and my son feels the same as these 2 boys… as a mum it’s heartbreaking hearing your child break their heart over this. Xx

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I’d say dad needs some regular one on one time devoted to the older two. Even if it cuts into your time with your husband- it gives the boys what they need and evens the playing field. Being the left out child is brutal

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The whole “only married for 5 yrs” comment, esp when y’all have ONLY been married for 4 is a huge red flag over your head for me.
You claim to understand her frustrations …but also turn around and are like “she’s difficult, he’s great”
You also don’t mention having any sorta positive feelings towards her children…so yea, I’d be bit bitchy too if the woman spending time with my kids couldn’t even be bothered to mention that she loves or at bare min just cares for them.
I really think you need to check yourself and your behaviors and attitudes before trying to change hers

  1. You stay out of it.
    I know he’s your husband & all, I get it. But it’s not your place to deal with her.
  2. He needs quality time without the other 2. They are boys and they need their dad too. Especially at these years
    As for the bond, my husband has a special bond with “my” son but he also has 2 daughters. It’s not an “I love you more”, it’s just different.
    You should encourage him trying for extra time. WITH THE BOYS. So, a dinner out once a week? Something. If that bothers you or you feel left out, you are getting how they feel. You’re the stepmom. You’re his wife. ALL the children come first.
    As a baby momma & a stepmom…trust me when I tell you, this isn’t about you or the girls. Be in the background. Give him ideas, encourage the quality time. Do not involve yourself regarding her… Trust me.
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I’d ignore her. He takes his time he has allotted and makes sure his sons feel loved. It’s not about her.

She’s still hooked on him

Please do not ignore this. Both of you need to talk to the boys and make sure they are not feeling this way and it’s not just their mother. Communication is key here, because if they are feeling that way that needs to be dealt with love, care, and understanding. Never just assume she’s making things up like that. There could be comments being made by the boys. Now, if it is just mom after speaking to the boys, then absolutely ignore her and continue on being the best step coparent you can be for them. It’s interesting reading your story tho, because not one time did I read about how you feel about them… just an outsider looking in…

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You never once said you love his older children.
Also, that “special bond” he has with his 2 toddlers… that’s what she’s talking about.

I think this is a You issue.

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I think this is pretty common. Step parenting is hard. If you can pull it off you are stronger than me i didnt stick around for the drama(we didnt make kids together tho). He/you should take them somewhere fun for older kid once in awhile maybe?? So he feels like thats special for him. Its really about the kids. No 1 is perfect with parenting/step parenting we all learn as we go. I dont blame the mother either. Tough situations require communication. Talkin to kid about this would prob be better than talkin to her about this. Make sure kids are happy/ok. Also if you do discover you dont really love the older kid i suggest leaving the situation. Kids dont understand that but living with grown ups that DONT love them can have lasting effect on their behaviour/mentality. Its ALL about the kids once there are kids

Girl, you just said your love for YOUR children is equal. That’s the problem. You didn’t even mention your love for his boys. :triangular_flag_on_post:

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It’s so hard on the kids and if she’s saying this stuff in front of them it makes it 100x’s worse
I would have to have a talk with the boys
Make sure they don’t feel this way
If they do then you have to work it out with them and reassure them that it is not the case.
I would also have a talk with the ex

Yes sure he loves all of his kids BUT most times when a couple splits up they tend to only see their kids on the designated visitation schedule. Your husband sees the kids he has with you daily because he lives with you but I’d hope that he talks to his eldest 2 children daily and even still sees them outside of the time they come over. Kids may not always voice their feelings to the parent they visit they hold it in or tell the parent they live with who is usually the mother. In turn leaving the mother to be the bad guy or seen as the bitter mom because she’s speaking up for her kids. Only you know the situation but I’d say stay out of the messy part while encouraging your husband to be more engaged with his boys. The last thing you want is for them to build resentment towards you or their siblings because they feel replaced.

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Idc wat the ex says but pls talk to the kids n make sure they don’t feel like tht

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She’s an EX FOR A REASON :heavy_heart_exclamation:. IGNORE HER…LIVE YOUR HAPPY LIFE​:heart:

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I’d ask her to just please stop. You’re making an already difficult position harder than it needs to be. Tell her that if your husband didn’t want to see her children he wouldn’t. He doesn’t because he loves them and wants them in his life. So just stop! And then ignore anything else she says.

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Sometimes reacting makes it worse. Let her talk you reacting won’t change anything anyways.
Ensure the kids are good and ask them if there is anything they’d change. And explain to them that you won’t be defending yourself with their mother because no need to disrespect her! But ask them if they need or want more and change up if so!

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  1. They are the oldest and the two boys. They need their father a good male role model more than ever. The bond with his oldest needs to be just as special. 2. That’s their mother of course she’s going to choose for them to live with her? Would you let your kids live with their dad if y’all split? Saying “her choice” well duh? 3. Honestly as a woman I think you are the problem… encourage him to be active in his older children lives… instead of comparing his relationship with the other children. It’s not the ex that’s the issue… you and your husband are… actually talk to her… to always assume it’s negative. Ask her if the boys have said these things to her? Or where it’s coming from? 9/10 she’s speaking up for the kids after they have told her how they feel
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Keep all contact with her STRICTLY about the boys. Don’t let her talk about your husband in any way, shit it down each and everytime by talking about the boys day or what’s the boys got upto etc. His relationship with ANYONE for that matter is NONE OF HER BUSINESS. So keep it strictly business.

Honestly he should ask the ex why she feels that way. Did the children tell her that they feel that way? Or is it just her feelings? If she says its the kids telling her sounds like he needs to sit down with the boys and ask them about how they are feeling and go from there. If she’s the one who has them a majority of the time they may talk with her more about their feelings. They could just feel like they are missing out because they don’t live with you. Then maybe they need some one on one time with their dad. Good luck! Navigating a mixed family can be difficult but I’m sure once you all get it figured out everything will be just fine :slight_smile:

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He probably has a more special bond with his first son than your toddlers, whether you guys have girls or boys. I’m sensing more jealousy from you than his ex. You didn’t say a thing about the love you have for his older kids, who are also your kids siblings. Red flag. Speak to a psychiatrist, it’s going to help everyone in the long run.

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Chile if the kids aren’t saying anything, because they are old enough to, let that lady talk!! How could she possibly know what’s going on in y’all household?

Ignore her! It deff happens more than you think. My husband’s ex called him 2 hrs after we gave birth to our son(hes 1.5 yo) YES 2 DAMN HOURS!! and said well.since BRANDI has the baby and its still the weekend you can come get your other son. Don’t forget you have one. Shes beyond bitter, tries to take all the time she can, refuses to follow the court order and bashes him every chance she gets saying how he treats his youngest better which isn’t the case she just doesn’t wanna give up more days with her son otherwise she looses money :unamused::unamused::unamused: literally all she cares about. He loves both kids equally when they’re both here too

She’s bitter. Ignore her and enjoy ur life

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A father and daughter relationship is different from sons.Live your lives and don’t worry about your husbands ex,she’s the one with the problems,as long as the kids know the truth that’s what matters.

Is it an issue to his death two kids? Not the fact that mom and dad are divorced, but is how often they see dad an issue to THEM? If not, then continue as you are. If yes, then simply get those kids more often. Who those two kids live with and who sees them how often is NOT her choice. They are both parents. Your husband could easily petition the court for joint custody or more visitation. No judge in their right mind would deny a parent who wants to be involved, the right to be involved. There are way to many parents who aren’t involved. If the kids are happy, leave it alone. If not, get them more.

How do the boys feels?

Have they shared something with mom?

6 years into dads they have 4 new siblings all under 4 thats a lot to adjust to.

1 preschool age and 3 toddlers take a lot of attention.

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If your husband can’t modify the visitation/custody agreement for more time, I would try to arrange with her that your husband is allowed to see his sons more often if the boys request it or their father from week to week wants to pick them up from school or take them to dinner etc.
as far as the exes opinions about comparing. I believe she is speaking for her children on their behalf and it’s his sons feelings that he is closer or favors or has a more “special” relationship with your children. Dad needs to step up his role and spend time with his sons alone without his other children on a regular basis. They need to know that it doesn’t matter that they don’t live with him, they get equal time, love, and attention.

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As a very blended family, I got pregnant with my oldest son at 15. Being so young his father and him didn’t get the bond at first. Fast forward, around 8 he said it bothers him to see his dad being a dad to his brothers and sister. I had to explain that younger children require more assistance in everything they do and that he is doing what fathers should do and unfortunately life didn’t let him when he was young but the past doesn’t matter if his dad is trying now. Fast forward again my son is 14 and they have a great bond and he loves his brothers and sisters so much. Be patient and remember kids are humans with big emotions they don’t understand and sometimes it takes time. Also love them like you own kids. Include them in family outings or events. You do one on one with them as well as dad do one on one with them.

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It’s the “the love my husband has for his 4 kids is equal. Just like the love I have for my 2 toddlers is equal.” And the " I would be lying if I said he didn’t have a special bond with our babies" for me.

First, when you marry someone with kids they aren’t “their kids and my kids” they are all your children and should be loved equally by everyone in the house, which you pretty much admitted that you don’t care for them at all with that first comment. THEN you say you’re aware that he treats your children differently but don’t seem to think that his kids should be upset about that because they don’t live there. So dad has a “special bond” with the other kids, but not them. I’m sorry but as a preteen I’d feel pretty unwanted in your household just from this post since those are “his kids” and he refuses to have a “special bond” with them, and I definitely would have told my mom how I felt.

I don’t understand why you’re so upset that their mother brought something up to you that you admit to noticing yourself.

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See how the boys feel about it her opinion doesn’t matter but they could have said something to her and now she’s making comments. I say talk to the 2 older boys they are old enough for that convo.

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Next time she brings it up, offer to have the boys move in with you full time. We want them, happy to have them. And repeat each time she brings it up. The boys are old enough that I would say to the mom, I will openly offer to the boys directly that they are welcome to live here. That may stop the comments

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You all need to grow up for the sake of all the children.

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You guys should sit down and talk with her and the boys. Talk it out. She’s probably saying all that because that’s how the boys feel. You can’t just say he’s a good dad based on your opinion lol it’s not your opinion that matters. It’s the kids. Maybe they can work something out so he can spend more one on two time with the older boys.

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Ive lived the role of both mom and stepmom. First off,The mention of how long they’ve been married shows me that she’s trying to belittle her husbands former marriage to make the current marriage and herself feel more important. This mama is insecure.

Second, your post is about the kids but you keep talking about your own and don’t mention for you feel or care for the older kids.

Honestly it sounds like the writer is happy with “her” family and his “ex’s” children visiting time to time.

The older children prob don’t feel like it’s their home too The physical time sharing agreement definitely impacts that but if the writer and husband were going out of their way to make sure older kids were happy and secure with their placement, writer wouldn’t be asking about “bitter” baby mama. What she’s looking for is validation to continue being this way because HER children are priority. Also she mentions she understands bio mom’s frustration. Either mom has legitimate points that they need to connect more with kids or writer is just saying this to seem empathetic and win over the statement, thus getting validation

I honestly feel she wants to look like they are doing everything they should and ex wife is just jealous.

Something writer needs to hear, mamas dont get jealous because their children are loved too much by the other parent (within reason). Do you get jealous because your children have a good relationship with their father?

Exs might get jealous of the new partner and they might get angry if a parent stops being there for their child, but they don’t get upset over the other parent being too supportive and loving for their child

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Wait did you say in one breath that he doesn’t show favoritism immediately after saying you’d be lying if you said he doesn’t have a special bond with your babies … obviously she picks up on that and maybe the sons do as well maybe she wants her sons to have that same bond with their father as well especially since their at that age where their turning into young men :woman_shrugging:

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That’s a head game. If you love your husband and all the children, you too would want everyone to feel wanted and have the closest bond possible. Those boys will be their fathers children as long as he lives… the mother will always be the mother. If you want your relationship to stay in tact I’d realize they have to have a healthy open relationship for everyone to be happy and healthy. Join the relationship by supporting all or move on. You knew he had children and a baby momma before you married him.

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Ignore the ex if you can. No matter what you do , she is going to have this same opinion. Don’t let this subject become a household word. If you do it’s going to affect the children in both households.

Believe me when I say I am not a “bitter baby momma” but also know what this is like. My ex and I have a 14 year old daughter who once was his WHOLE world. Now that isn’t the case and hasn’t been for many years. He got remarried about 6 years ago. They don’t have children of their own but have adopted going what will be number 5 soon. They have choose that but because of this and the lack of time and effort he puts in with my daughter of course it’s hard for me. Why…?! More then likely the boys are going to her and talking about these emotions with her. That is exactly what is going on here. Unfortunately because he has made special bonds with those children he had now ruined the one with our daughter. At some point I don’t even think he realized it. We lived 5 minutes from each other and he always had access to her. I was always happy and willing to share our blessing with them. He never made an attempt to contact first, make the phone call first, and just simply got so wrapped up in his new family he forgot about her often. Things happen but maybe he needs to sit and and talk with the boys. See what he can do to help this situation if this is how they are feeling. It’s really important for him to put in the effort if he isn’t. Our daughter now don’t feel wanted and welcomed there. She don’t feel like it’s a home to her. She don’t make the effort anymore…

Call daily and talk with them, offer to invite or take them for dinner, and make them feel like a part of y’all’s every day life as much as you can.

I can say I am very grateful that my husband has opened his arms and loves her like know other. He has never once loved her any less then our 2 children. I hope you find it in your heart to do the same.

Now if the boys have no issues with y’all and seem to have a solid healthy relationship with y’all…then yes try to ignore it. Just don’t take it out on them…

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She’s saying it to upset your husband. Don’t show it. Don’t defend him. Just ignore it. He shouldn’t be concerned with her feelings. He only to be concerned with the boys. If they say anything to him or you he needs to reassure them. Have an conservation with them that he’s only allowed weekends. He didn’t choose to have less time.

I think her issue is not with the kids, but her relationship with her ex. Probably they didn’t had a smoothly break-up or maybe she wanted to co-parent more often. Just because he started a family with you, it doesn’t mean is less than a family. You are a very big family.

However she may not see this way and, she is trying to create disagreements by comparing the time the children spend with their father.

Just let them work out themselves. However, I think is wrong she is saying that, especially in front of the 2 eldest ones.

First off, some of these comments are a little ridiculous. “Ask her for full custody next time she brings it up.” But why? It doesn’t sound like she’s being bitter to me. To me, it sounds like the boys have voiced their feelings to mom and mom is letting y’all know “hey the boys feel like dad doesn’t really care about them so can you do something to change that?” I doubt she just pulled this out of her butt. He needs to sit his sons down and ask them how they feel, why they feel that way and do something about it. Maybe he needs to start taking the boys out just them and him to spend time with them and reassure them he still loves and cares for them the same way he loves the kids he has with you. Just telling them isn’t going to change how they feel, SHOWING them will. He’s obviously NOT doing a good job of showing them and they feel like he DOES show favoritism to the toddlers if this is even being brought up as a concern. Second off, there wasn’t a reason to bring up how long they were married. “Only 5 years” but you’ve “only” been married to him a year longer than theirs lasted so…I’m not sure what the point of mentioning that was.

Re read your post. I can see where she is concerned

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I definitely see why she is concerned. They ONLY were married for 5 years. You belittled the time they were together to make your relationship seem more important. It doesn’t matter how long they were together THEY have 2 beautiful sons. And you talked a heck a lot about your kids with him versus his other children. “I’d be lying if I didn’t say my husband has a special bond with our babies” darlin right there you made it known the jealousy you have for his ex and their boys. You seem to want him only to have that bond with your children because of his ex. Grow up lady.

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Thanks to all the psychologists who replied to this post!

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“He has a special bond with your shared children, especially his daughter, but what do you expect?” You’re the problem. Re-read what you wrote. He’s very clearly showing favoritism and you love it

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Do you even care for ur step children cause it doesn’t sound that way at all. You mentioned you care for your 2 kids equally but do you even care about your bonus children? They could be feeling neglected because their father only sees them every so often. And boys need their dad in their lives. Imagine if you were in her shoes and someone reffered to you as the bitter baby mama. Or imagine if your 2 children got neglected by their father because he was in another relationship with someone else and had 2 children with them but always seen them more than the 2 that you had together. I’m sire it wouldn’t make you feel good.

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The youngest boy is 9. He was married for 5 years with ex and has been in a relationship for 6 years with you? Seems like he cheated? So that was it for me. Writer seems insecure and wants and loves the attention and needs validation for it.

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So put yourself in her shoes. Imagine you and your husband split and he now has a new wife and new kids. He spends more time with the new kids and they have a “special bond”. You see that your own kids are hurt by this, OR you see that they could be hurt by it eventually which breaks your heart so you mention it to your ex husband. You just want your own kids to have a good relationship with their father right? You remember the days when he had that “special bond” once with your kids too… does it make you bitter if you call him out on his bullshit? No it does not, it makes you a concerned parent. That woman just wants what’s best for her kid’s and you said it was her choice to have the kids most of the time. It just sounds like she’s trying to extend an olive branch to allow/encourage your husband to spend more time with the older kids. And instead of supporting her and YOUR step children who you should love and accept as well now that ya’ll are married, you’re here putting her on blast instead of talking to her like an adult and working together to make sure the older kids are secure in their relationship with their father. I guarantee you, if you noticed the “special bond” with the younger kids, then the older kids did too. Now the “bitter” one is you, and I’m willing to bet you only gave us small parts to the whole story.

Sit down alone with the 2 boys and your hub,and have a gentle heart to heart talk with the boys. Ask them how they feel.it could be that baby momma is jealous,or it could be 2 boys feel left out in some ways.kids are so honest.let them talk.and then if they do feel left out in some ways work harder to include them more.make sure your home feels like their home too when they are there.My 10 yr old granddaughter has a step mom named Jamie,granddaughter s dad left her for what he thinks is greener grass(ugh) but still she treats his kids like her own. Jamie is a true momma,to all kids involved.I love her for that!

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You’re downplaying the time they were married and making your time with him seem more important. That’s really messed up right there in and of itself! The time they spent together was important to them and to those boys. Your time with him isn’t more important. And he should have a special bond with EACH of his kids not just your daughter just bc she’s a girl. You’re asking a fellow mother to put away her concerns over her children with your husband just bc you feel your relationship is more special. That’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this works! Re-read your post. Read it again. And do better.

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Yeah. I can see why she would feel that way. Perhaps you should take a harder look at you.

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It’s obvious why she feels the way she does. Also, just because a custody agreement is so, doesn’t mean he can’t show more effort in the boys lives, like showing up at school, practices, asking for more time with them. Equal effort is extremely important to kids. The favoritism is obvious. Check yourself and your intentions.

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You’ve put a lot of information out there that basically says you’re making this a competition between his ex and you, and not about what’s best for his children.

You sound a little insecure

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He should spend more time with his older children, and you should grow up.

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My step mother always went out of her way to makes sure that we knew she loved us just as much as her own children and still does now that my fathers other children are adults and hers still children. You have a big role in why she feels like this I’m sure. Making sure that he has special time with all children AND you is important. They were his first children and were there before you. You knew about them when you married him. You and their father should have made sure they felt like part of the family when you decided to expand yours. Calling her a bitter baby mama is kinda rude in my opinion. She only cares about her children.

If I were her I would feel completely worthless. It’s not your place to judge her time with him because you weren’t together. It’s definitely not your place to talk on her children like that if you’re not even claiming bonus mommy. Give her a break! Imagine the conversations she has to have with her older kids that are developing minds of their own. Think of what those kids are thinking. It’s not about you her or your husband. It’s about the kids and you’re immature for dragging another mother down like that.

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Ignore her and talk to the boys to see exactly how they feel. What she feels doesn’t matter it’s about the children. I’ve been through it and I know it’s hard to be the bigger person but it’s worth it at the end . I love my bonus son. But I’ve also never been one to let the pettiness continue it’s annoying. Honestly if they have phones y’all can directly contact them . And just make sure it’s okay with the mom. Nothing else needs to be discussed if it ain’t about the children.

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I have a stepbrother a half sister and a full blood brother. Me and my full brother saw my mom and my step dad 50/50 the rest was spent with my dad. It was honestly hard to write out step because I have known them my whole life. My stepdad was an awesome dad to his kids all of them including his step children. He has never once referred to me as his wife’s ex’s children. He took on two extra kids when he married my mom. He loved us and wanted us to have a good relationship with my mom, him, and our dad. My stepbrother is my brother, even if I only saw him half the year. If you resent your step kids they feel that and they probably share those feelings with their mom. Do better as a step parent

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She doesn’t sound bitter at all. You sound immature. Certainly doesn’t sound like you have love for her kids at all. Not once did you show any concern about how it may be affecting his kids with her.

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Sounds like it’s her problem not yours. Not either of your faults your kids are around more and have better bonds with dad. She’s just being petty. Ignore her n enjoy your family together

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Tell her he’ll take over primary custody or minimum 50/50.

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Did anyone else notice that she only said she loves her two toddlers equal and didn’t included the boys, even after 6 years? I’m willing to bet that’s why there’s an issue with the mom, dad and mom treats them equal but what about this chick

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