How to deal with different sex drives?

How do you deal with low sex drive and someone who has a high sex drive who's always putting you down when you do t give up, I'm currently arguing with my husband about last night. I believe it's my anti depression meds ,anxiety meds , depression and stress from 2 kids and then going on five kids on and off. I'm a stay at home mom and in just flat out tired. Also we just went to the beach yesterday for a whole freaking day I'm sore and tired.
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The good news is he still wants you!
I think you should have a planned sex day each week. We do Wednesday and one day the weekend.
It works for us cause we are prepared. We do dinner, have some drinks. And talk dirty all day via text.
I understand being tired. You need to talk to him about things he can do to turn you on or lighten your load when he wants to get lucky. If it’s time to yourself a massage, whatever.
The 2nd part would be if you don’t feel sexy in your skin after having kids in being in mom mode all day.
Honestly I have found when I do things for myself, like workout or take a day to dress up even though I am just at home. It makes me feel sexier. When I feel good about myself …I am not timid or avoid sex.

Also sometimes you gotta take one for the team!
I don’t like my man out there with a load gun. Lol
Good luck it will get better.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to deal with different sex drives?

Sometimes you just need to try. Regardless of everything else in life your spouse matters. How do you think he feels when you treat him like you don’t want him?? That’s why relationships fail all the time. People are so selfish and don’t realize they still have a spouse who needs them.

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Tell him he wants sex he can step up during the day and help more so you are not so tired.

anti depressants kill sex drive…it’s statesit in the side effects

Trade a massage for lovey :heart:

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Or the spouse can try to be understanding instead of starting an argument.:woman_shrugging:

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You may need hormone therapy or try something to help boost your sex drive and energy. If the shoe was on the other foot you would understand.

Same struggle. Not arguing but I can tell it’s starting to annoy him lol. I am 4 months post partum, 1 month post depo and my sex drive has tanked lol. Plus I’m exhausted with going back to work and baby. Wheewww. Still soooo attracted to him but never in the mood anymore. I just deal and do the deed sometimes even if I’m tired or don’t really feel like it lol. It’s greattttt sex so I’m never sorry, plus I know it’s what he needs so a small sacrifice on my part. But we also communicate about this being a hormonal issue and not a relationship issue :relaxed:

maintenance sex. Google it. It can do wonders for your relationship.

I would definitely recommend speaking to a doctor if you’re suffering from a low sex drive, yes there can be a lot of factors but in general it’s not normal. He shouldn’t be making you feel bad period, but if you’re not trying to fix the problem that is also an issue.

Lol its like this with my husband so we compromised he wants it daily, I don’t so we have lovey time every other day :woman_shrugging: if I’m just extra not feeling it we will do a trade on days it works for the most part lol

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That’s just asinine. I was in a relationship who would force me to have relations. It wasn’t until many years later and talking to a therapist that was also a lawyer who ask why I didn’t press charges. I got my permanent restraining order because I didn’t think I could win that case as he would frequently tell the story about an ex who tried to get him for rape but because his mom was home when thr incident occurred and she never heard her tell him no that it was assumed consensual so the case was thrown out. He got away with it. And one day he made me he about did something I I want during it for sure and I punched him. He called the cops on me. He told me to run. I didn’t. I think because I didn’t run he knew I could tell the cops the truth and he’d be in trouble so he told me he wouldn’t press charges if I didn’t say what happened. My d a$$ kept my mouth shut because I couldn’t afford a domestic charge on my record. Consent is important. And by making you feel bad is abusive. If he isn’t otherwise abusive I would recommend couples therapy. I think he needs to be understanding and that he may need to do some actual romancing to make you feel special and even then if you say no he needs to be respectful. I don’t recommend just giving it to him. That’s how they know they can get away with abusing you and it will get worse every time!

I don’t have much of a sex drive either but my husband isn’t an asshole about it. Idk where you all find these men but look somewhere else.

You don’t argue. He has NO right to force, coerce, fight about, or shame sex from you. No means no. This is divorce level for me. He needs to help TONS around the house with kids and cleaning. If he doesn’t, he gets NOTHING.

Sounds like he needs more chores to destress you

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Depends if its all the time or just now if all the time he probably feels rejected yes men do also feel.this way and if it’s just now we’ll then tell him piss off sometimes you have to just sit and talk and compromise

I’m in the opposite boat. I’m the one wants more. He can go a year without. Well without me anyway…. It’s very hurtful

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Just lay there like many do then lol

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We do have sex ,not saying we are completely sexless, we have sex almost every week just not all week .

It has a lot to do with depression meds decreasing your sex drive. Try an come up with a compromise an be honest with your husband an communicate

Try compromising & just do things but not the actual act. I’ve been hounded by 2 pervious partners before & all it did was make me want it even less. We eventually split & that was a contributing factor.

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I feel like this should be something u discussed in the beginning. He shouldn’t put u down though. With me i have always seen it as if im workin 8 to 12 hour shifts and u are to we split the work u get sex when u get it. However if hes working and im not hes taking care of me the bills the kids and buys us stuff when he thinks of us randomly throughout the day then he gets it when he wants it. Lol im weird though i think if your man is taking care of everything and u clean cook and care for the kids and him that includes sex. But i discuss my thoughts before a relationship. I also have a higher sex drive though

Surprised by the comments tho🤔 no man should make you feel guilty for not wanting to have sex. Sounds like he needs a reality check. You’re tired and that’s okay. He doesn’t deserve it if he’s acting like that anyway.

Try setting up sex days. One to 2 days a week were you will have sex regardless of anything that is going on or if your in the mood. You have to make time for eachother. Talk to him about helping more on his days maybe he can put the kids o bed and clean up after dinner so you can take a bath then have your special time together.

Open communication is key regardless of issue. Let him know how and possibly why ur being affected and if he loves u n wants to genuinely help n understand u he would help u get a grasp on things…ie helping out with household responsibilities and/or finding medical help to possibly review ur medications (those meds or combo thereof can have bad side effects…low sex drive, fatigue, and even depression believe it or not) and/or search for natural alternatives to help fight depression n anxiety. :pray::heart:

Counseling. Also see about changing your meds. This is a huge problem for relationships and puts major strain. He feels unwanted. That hurts a lot.

Tell him to go whack one out n be quiet. ( I know , easier said than done) works for me and mine though :rofl: Good luck mamma :heart:

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If he has all the extra energy, make him do some extra chores that you’re doing so you have little more energy for him…… idk? That’s what I would do.

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I’m not sure what his involvement is but maybe he can step up to help you a little more? If that’s not the issue I would have a conversation communication is key in situations like this because actions (not having sex) vs feelings (you really love him) there’s a thin line and can be misinterpreted as you not having sex means you don’t love them

Sn: some of these women having sex when they don’t really want to :woozy_face:

I’m in the same situation, been with mine for over 10 years and he wants it everyday and acts like his dick will fall off if he don’t use it, so annoying…Why’s it women can buy toys to satisfy themselves but men can’t use their hand every once in awhile without getting butthurt cuz they don’t get it for a day from their s/o :roll_eyes::roll_eyes:I work 12-13 hours and take care of our home on my days off so give us a freaking break​:woman_shrugging:t3:

I just bend over doesn’t take much effort and it makes him happy :blush:

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My partner was very open from the beginning and told me he was hypersexual. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep up but it goes in waves. Sometimes he wants it more than others. My medication usually keeps me at a pretty low sex drive. Even if I’m not in the mood, I don’t deny him. I just participate a little less :joy:. He has no complaints. Honestly though, I think we feed off eachother and it encourages my mood alot. Adjust your meds, enjoy the moments with him. You may find out you want it more when you are enjoying him.

Youre meds are probably causing the lack of interest. Compromise is hard but you can work it out and he can help.
I’ve never liked set days…makes it a bit forced for me…he has to accept you dont want sex every day…you have to accept he does
If you love each other youll find a balance . Nice slow back rub always helps . Date nights if youve someone who can take the kids. Think back to what you both enjoyed at the start of your relationship and work on rebuilding it.
Sex should be relaxing not stressing you out .

Talk about what needs to change about your life/workload to give you more time and energy. Discuss how often is ideal for each of you and find middle ground. Ask your doc about ways to help boost your libido. Maybe try porn for women? Sometimes it’s ok for you to just lie there or fake it, and sometimes it’s ok for him to gratify himself. And sometimes the more sex you have the more you want, so that’s worth a try. I’m not into sex toys, but maybe that’s worth looking into for him also.

Unfortunately, he’s gonna cheat if he hasn’t already. Straight up, not gonna sugarcoat it. He will get it somewhere else if you aren’t giving it to him.

I truly do hope that you find something that helps your stress and depression. :sob:

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I feel ya girl… I’m in the same boat. Literally have no sex drive😕

Honestly this was something that my husband and I had to talk about in marriage counseling before our pastor would marry us. Never withhold sex as that’s how people end up cheating and doing other things that later will be regretting. Even if I don’t want it I would much rather give it up than for him to be walking around frustrated or cheat because he didn’t get it as I do know it gets frustrated cause I’m in the mood and can’t get that release.

I mean, you have to satisfy his needs, I’m not saying give it up every time he wants it but it’s selfish to never have sex when he wants it, seems he’s doing all the sacrificing. Eventually that’ll make him search elsewhere…and you need to look into switching meds if it messing with your sex drive, that’s not normal. I can’t be on any SSRIs because it makes me not be able to orgasm. Sorry tmi. Lol but just saying.

Have night together at least once week without kids go on date compliment one another brag on him I bet u have wonderful night…just get someone keep them so yall have alone time with no stress…prayers for u…u just need slack up a bit make time for each other

I only had this problem prego. We have 6 kids all together now. I would suck it up and make my husband happy but that’s me 🤷

Amanda Peterson not true. You can give a man all they want sexually and the relationship can still fail. Maybe he needs to take her issues into consideration.

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It happens during menopause or medication. Ask your doctor to check your testosterone. There is help. Been there

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It absolutely is the meds. The main side effect is low sex drive due to low serotonin production.
If this wasn’t really an issue before, talk to your Dr.
I get being exhausted and just, no.
There’s ways to address it, together. Therapy, different meds, sex therapy, etc.
For women, it helps if we an emotional connection and that’s hard to do when you’re depressed or on meds. Try flirting and foreplay with no actual sex. You’d be surprised how that can help change your perception. :heart::heart:

Please tell your doctor about how tired you feel. Most can be from meds. Doctors can always find some other to replace what you’re taking. If not, find another doctor. Maybe one who is wholistic as well. A stay at home mom with 2 children shouldn’t be that tired except when going to the beach when you had to make & pack enough food & drinks for the 4 of you. Best of wishes

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Is there anything that can actually boost your sex drive…i really need help.

A lot of communication! Chronic pain mama of 2 here and he is ALWAYS trying to start something. We have to communicate our needs because if we don’t it can really come between us. :heart::heart:

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Thats his problem, not yours. My husband has a higher sex drive than I do and always tried to initiate, he is disappointed when I politely tell him not tonight but he chooses to instead cuddle up with me, ask if I’m okay, if I need anything, if I want to watch a movie or play a game together.
Learning to view your spouse as a human instead of pleasure toy helps. >_>

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Fake it till you make it !

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How about just giving him sexual attention instead if you dont want to have $ex.Oral maybe? A cheeky handjob & a finger up the bum should do the trick

Sometimes you have to compromise. You list all these things you’re going through but not what he is. He may need that release to relieve stress too. There are a lot of things in a marriage and parenting that are not fun or inconvenient but you do them anyways. If you haven’t tried to be sensual and intimate then you don’t know if the release could help your endorphins as well.

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Simon anixety meds but I have a guy that’s so very understanding

I take sertraline and Wellbutrin for anxiety/depression. It completely levels my sex drive. Like I didnt even want to be looked at or touched.

I made my doctor aware of this because it was causing issues, like yours, and she has gone above and beyond to adjust my meds, and try other options to get me back on track.

It’s not completely back to normal, but I’m much less likely these days to shut down entirely when touched.

I don’t want to discredit how YOU are feeling, but we also can’t discredit the men either. I know if the roles were reversed, I would be heartbroken and devastated if he legit just hated for me to touch him or love on him. That would really mess with my mental health. :weary: I tried my best to push through but I couldn’t keep leaving us both feeling this way…

Talk to your doctor. Do it for you. Do it for your husband. Do it for your marriage. Just like feeling sad/depressed, this is also not a normal way to feel, and it can be dealt with.

Good luck to you!

Depression meds are definitely known for lowerin your sex drive

Make him some hot videos or take sexy pics … when youre not in the mood hand it over and tell him to go have fun loool

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Try hormone pellets I thought about sex just about every day I’ve been menopause since. 2010

There has to be a trade off; emotional nourishment for sexual nourishment. He needs to understand that you can’t pour from an empty cup and this is the equation of how a male/female relationship works. YES men have strong sexual needs but women have equally strong emotional needs. He needs to understand your heart has to be in the right place in order to want to share yourself more sexually

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All this means is that you have to work more on building the friendship and companionship in the relationship. Bridge that gap through love without having to feel obligated to fuck him

I have severe depression and anxiety. I take olly libido and let me tell you…that first night I took it, fireworks. Now I’m always ready when hes home by taking it every day. I went off all my anxiety and depression meds. The more I was prescribed, the more it hurt me. So i take the olly, niacin, prenatals, and iron 2 days a week. I have 6 kids full time and im a sahm. Message me if you would like! I also use the happy color app to relieve stress.

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I would go back to the dr and tell him that your sex drive declined since the meds and this is not working … maybe they can help … also talk openly with your spouse maybe ya can work something out ?

Melissa Mehrens Bonham my post

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You don’t have to get all hog wild. Lay down or bend over. What kind of sex are you people having that is so exhausting that you don’t want to do it with your partner?

He’s perfectly capable of pleasing himself since he wants to feel entitled to it

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Some of these answers wow. My question what is he doing to help YOU ? Why are you so tired ? Almost every time I see this question it’s a woman who is doing it all and understandably quite tired and depressed with a partner who doesn’t pull his weight . Not saying that’s the case because nothing to indicate but it happens so much and I’ve been in that situation in previous marriages. You can’t pour from an empty cup and no one is going to feel that sexy if they are doing all the childcare and house care on their own 24/7. My husband is a true partner who helps with kids and everything, dishes, laundry. That’s sexy ! We also go on regular dates kid free at home or out and vacations on our own as much as we can. That’s what is going to help your life and relationship. Not just rolling over and taking it to get him to shut up. That’s ridiculous

I feel you, cause by the end of the day I’m ready for (2) Tylenol pm, Advil pm, wtevr and ready for bed ! But do I get to…nope​:joy::sob::unamused:
:speaking_head:leave me alone dude, I’m fkng tired-& I’ve been up since 4am​:bangbang::woman_facepalming:t4:

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I get the ones that are like “just bend over, just lay there”
:speaking_head::speaking_head::speaking_head:BUT I DONT WANNA DO THAT EITHER! IM FKNG EXHAUSTED YO​:rofl::unamused::100::weary:

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I feel this post 100%. I have zero drive and I mean zero. I do think my meds,like yours play a role , but so do negative words from our past,for me. I have seeked medical guidance because of the physical pain I end up in too. Its super had being on 2 sides with this issue. I have zero advice, but I 100% understand.

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It’s the meds. No doubt. I was on all that too. Then he lost his job due to injury and we lost insurance. So I came off immediately. I felt like I was waking up emotionally. It was like the sun was coming out. I was so mad at myself for being on them so long that I missed out on seeing my kids grow up. It was like I was there but ,Not. Maybe talk to your Dr about coming down off some. It’s really going to mess with your marriage if you don’t. You’ll be happier when you do. Trust me.

Another option is to talk to your husband about helping more with the kids and house. That way you’re not depressed about it all on your shoulders. Then you can come off all of them.
God bless.

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Your husband should never put pressure on you, in fact if he took a load off your shoulders you would maybe have time and energy to enjoy sexy time! I have 5 children, only 4 at home this last year as my big fella moved in with his girlfriend, but iv a 13, 11, 6 and 5 year old here and it’s non stop cleaning, cooking, washing, school runs and different pick ups, Lord I’m exhausted most nights, but when my husband sees I’m tired he takes over and let’s me have time for myself so I’m no so tired, he would never make me feel bad for not being interested in a fumble because he sees how much I do and appreciates that when I’m feeling up for it, it will happen, nobody should make you feel bad ever

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Never pressure your partner for sex. It shouldn’t be a planned event. Be patient

Sounds like the both of you probably have different love languages also!! Talk about those, try to decrompress and go out on some dates, spice it up, have your meds regulated if you can. Maybe you can talk to your docs about your issue??
I’m sorry!

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You have the right to say no and not feel guilty about it.

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There is nothing wrong with not being in the mood but remember we each have different love languages. My husbands love language is physical touch…he feels distant and unloved when he doesn’t get sex or cuddles or anything. Remember that while the kids make you tired and busy you still need to make an effort to connect with your husband and keep that marriage healthy and happy. Kids grow up and leave and it will be just you guys…invest in that long term love. It will pay off!

Its ok to say no sometimes BUT don’t you want your man to want YOU? He may go elsewhere if you don’t make him feel loved, appreciated and fulfill his sexual appetite. Its like being hungry, ya gotta eat. Just my opinion.

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I have the same issue. He ended up cheating on me multiple times because of it.

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Being a full time mother is exhausting . But you chose to stay home … you don’t think he’s tired from a long work day and he just wants to come home and get love by his woman ? I’m a single mother to two kids . Worked off and on their whole life , had to come home cook them dinner get them ready for bed after their bath and put them to bed and wake up and do it all over I get it . I’m exhausted too. Sex is known to relieve stress and depression. And unfortunately if you don’t start having energy to make love to your partner he will go elsewhere

Jaysus even tiredness wouldn’t put me off lol enjoy it while u can

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those who are saying just lay there and let him, how is that even appropriate or sexy in any way, a man who knows u r not into sex and continues to have sex cause they feel like it, it’s disgusting, how can they even feel that’s acceptable and get off on it.

any man who puts a women down for not having sex isn’t a man!! there a boy who disregards another humans right and feelings and frankly i wouldn’t feel a need or want to be with a man like that at all.

your partner is meant to be a team player and support and love you !
not disregard how you feel and take what he wants and put u down.

life’s to short for that shit

Hey hun :sparkling_heart: this sounds really challenging. While your husband may react differently to you in this situation, it’s also a chance to talk it out and support each other however you can. Take care of yourself :sparkling_heart:

That’s why I’m single. I hate sex. I was sexually abused as a child and think sex should only be for making babies. I have four kids. Every guy I was with wanted sex on first date or every day. So I just stay single. There’s no reason to be in a relationship if you aren’t happy. I’m single and love my independence.

Possibly your hormones!! I get BioT pellets every 4 months and it helps with Mood, Energy & EVERYTHING :heart::sparkling_heart: Especially night sweats

Sweetheart talk to your doctor. You labito may be low…there’s a cream for that. Yes even for us ladies

I felt this post 100% except I’m the one that is always ready and hes the one that only wants it like once or twice a week :tired_face: but we’ve had open discussions and I never try to make him feel bad. We just have different love languages and since our talk we have both been doing better at showing each other the love the other needs. I hope you are able to talk with him and that he listens, understands and makes adjustments. He may not even realize hes making you feel bad about it, he could just be coming off hard or irritated. I know after I’m turned down I get irritated as fuck on top of feeling unwanted which makes me want to pull away. Which makes him feel bad or like I’m trying to make him feel bad when that’s never my intention.

have you tried taking anxiety meds and getting off the depression meds? my meds did this to me and as soon as i switch to buspar my sex drive came back

If you are taking Zoloft that is a HUGE part of it

I never tell my SO no…if I don’t please him someone else will…when I have one my man is too wore out to need anyone else.

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It’s okay to have different needs. If they love you they’ll understand the situation. Only an absolute puke will use it against you. Fuck them!!!

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to deal with different sex drives?

Same here…My husband wants it every day…i dont get in the mood but every 3 days. I just tell him if want it when im not in the mood…it will be the dead dog position. Lol. Use lube and ill be ready in two more days for kinkier stuff. Im also a stay at home mom plus do paperwork for our business started and book appts…If deny him too long he will get to where used to going without and will end up with flipped situation. Look into mood enhancing supplements for women. FemStim Max off Amazon gets me going…Watch adult videos or just try toys or spicing things up some to help get in mood. Most women arent in the mood until halfway in. Its normal

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It’s pretty common side effect to have low sex drive when taking depression and anxiety meds. Also, some guys don’t get that not all women can just become “in the mood”. Believe it or not sometimes it actually takes more effort than just saying “hey I’m in the mood. Wanna have sex?” :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming:

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Compromise. We all have needs. Usually if the other person wants to we just do it 🤷 10 years and four kids…I have the higher drive. You have to find ways to make it work :slight_smile:

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Girl… I feel you! It’s the same for me too… I’m always too tired and made to feel guilty when I don’t give it up… I work too and some days my body just can’t deal with it… :woman_facepalming:t4::woman_facepalming:t4::woman_facepalming:t4:

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Well flip it over….I want and he doesn’t!!! Or can’t!! Been 14 years. So think about that!

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It is doable with communication and compromise, the biggest issue is putting you down or making you feel guilty or hurting Your feelings. That is not OK.
I’m actually the one that has had a higher sex drive throughout our our marriage of 23 years.
I personally would love it daily but he could go go once a month.
So we compromise on twice a week. It can be a little difficult on a partner who’s love language is intimacy or sex, like myself.
If I get turned down too much I feel like my partner does not want me anymore.
I have also seen that that the more a partner is willing to pitch in at home, with the kids, Don’t forget too do the little things that make a partner feel wanted, appreciated, the more likely they are going to want to be intimate.

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Same! And he well wake me out of dead sleep just to screw because he wants to but when I don’t want to he does a pity party and blames me. All he talks about is sex.

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I have this issue but its flipped. I have the high sex drive him not so much. There’s times where I’m like yo mf you gonna put out tonight or what this is how we joke about it cuz we are not blind we know we have different sex drives. So we’ll laugh then I’m like no seriously you don’t have too if you don’t want too and we’ll cuddle. However when we argue he will withhold sex from me lol. I’m just like great now he’s mad and there goes sex. But I don’t ever demand him too or make him feel bad. But we did have to sit down at one point early in our relationship and talk about sex cuz I was like wtf is something going on he was like no no you just have a higher sex drive then me. I was like ooohhh.

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That’s a tricky situation boo. I’ve been there before and what I did was plan this out in my phone from where the man won’t see…(they got feelings too) each week I picked a # of times a week for sex. And just stuck to it, not for me but for him. I personally am comfortable with once a week. Anyway, if it was a 3x a week …once I’d be “there” fully involved getting my groove on ya know. Then the 2nd would be doggy style, with a side of my best acting skills​:smirk:. And the third could be lazy side booty, so he don’t see how not into it I am…:woman_shrugging:t4: Just good acting…EVERY WOMAN DESERVES AN OSCAR!!
I know it seems like alot but my thinking was 1. I don’t want him looking for what he isn’t getting at home
2. He really works super hard for us and if a good fuck is what I can do to put his ass to sleep, so he can work hard for us tmrw …then imma do that.
3. It don’t take that damn long anyway …

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To make you feel guilty for not having sex is just terrible! You shouldn’t have to feel like you have to and if you do, it’s rape - don’t tell me it isn’t I read it on a flyer in the police station a few days ago. If you say NO it means NO. if he throws a stop asking him if his hands still working.

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