I have a six yo whom I just won custody from the state after five years—regained custody in 2020. Well, fast forward to now; his father hasn’t been a part of his life for a year n a half now. I moved states, and I want to get him on abandonment, so I can take his rights away. He has been in and out of the child’s whole life. And I just want to wash my hands. I don’t speak Ill of him in front of the child or anything. Any talk is behind closed doors. The child doesn’t ask about him or for him. So at this point, I just want to move on with my child and not have him pop in “when it’s convenient.” I mean, I have done all the hard work, and it’s not fair to keep him lingering around when he doesn’t support the child in any way. He’d rather support his girlfriend’s kids than his own. His family is disgusted. Supports me 100% and are active themselves in the child’s life. So I guess my question is, is would I need an attorney, or does it seem pretty cut and dry?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to file abandonment charges against the other parent?
It is so hard to do that. I’ve tried and was told it would be denied by a judge because he could still pay child support and such. Even though I’ve never gotten a dime. I spoke with my family attorney and they said he would have to be a felon or something that was so dangerous that would risk your life or the child’s before they would even consider going to court to revoke his rights. It’s a challenge but not impossible
In my state (Texas) to file for abandonment the other party has to have not had ANY contact whatsoever for 1 year.
Most states will not allow rights to be taken unless someone else is in position to adopt.
In my state I couldn’t terminate rights without husband to legally adopt on the spot
You need a lawyer.
It’ll depend on the state you live in so FB isn’t the place for the answer.
You moved and blame him…
You need an attorney
This would be a tough case to win. You’ve only had custody a year and a half and you’re the one who moved away. They don’t take these cases lightly
Selfish really is what doing that is unless the child or you are in danger
Check your state fir time frames as each may differ. But if his family are in your sons life and dad is a casual visitor, what would you gain from this? I understand why you want to but the knock on effect with his family could bounce back on you and cause unnecessary drama as he may start arguments with his family if he loses access but they still have involvement
In the state of Kansas if the abandon parent doesn’t have any contact with the child for 2yrs they automatically loose all rights to the child. I went through it with my son and my husband got to adopt my son with no problems at all and I didn’t need no lawyer.
You likely don’t have a case. Unless you have a husband ready to fight for step parent adoption, it ain’t happening. They won’t TPR just because you want them to.
If hes not active in your childs life what will terminating his rights do?
It seems like if he has basically no contact anyway it’s a pretty pointless move that would cost a lot in court fees. But get a lawyer and go from there.
Was he aware you moved out of state? Did he approve of this? Fully custody or not most states require other parent to know if you are relocating out of state only in regards too the child…
So… few things… how far away did you move and why arent you trying to arrange to meet him halfway…if it’s not that far and there’s no reason for it, then why couldn’t you just tell him he isn’t seeing him until he’s consistent? If there’s a court order about visitation and he’s already not going by it then you could go back to court for FULL custody meaning he pretty much has zero rights… or you could just let it be… if he doesn’t want anything to do with your son that’s his loss. I know it is hard on a child when a parent acts like they don’t want them and just leaves them but… you can’t force someone to be a parent. Unfortunately many times when a parent is only coming around when it’s convenient for them, the judge still sees it as making an effort, regardless what it’s doing to your kids. In conclusion… I’d just let it be… that’s about all you can do… you sound a tad spiteful in your wording… so I would suggest also trying to coparent better… maybe not worry so much about what he’s doing with his gf and her kids… mind yours and let it be is my best advice… you’ll sleep better at night and your son will thank you for being an adult about it later on in his life.
Why do you refer to y’alls child as THE child?
So you’ve only had your son for a year and he’s 6?!?!! You moved to another state and want to slap his father with “abandonment” papers and have his parental rights terminated?!?!! Hmm lol hire a family atty
If you moved to a different state maybe that’s why he can’t see his child? I mean not everyone can afford to travel. This post seems very one-sided I feel like there is more to the story then whats being told in post
Why didn’t you have custody before?
You are better off getting a lawyer
If you want cut and dry
Then I suggest asking him to sing up his parentle rights
If he doesn’t want to then proceed with the court system
Where I live they won’t do adbandoent without one parent being married and have a spouse to step up as the replacement for the parent being removed.
Shame on you! That child needs his Dad &, I guarantee you his Dad would come around for his child if you were outta the picture, shame on you. I don’t get it at all how a many of you that have a child together & because the relationship breaks up then you think you can play God. Out comes all the judgements etc… I’d also say u’ve no doubt been big reason child hasn’t had a relationship with his Dad. That Child is going to grow up & believe me it goes by a lot faster than you think. He &/she will resent you for all this, it’s pure abuse to a child. I guess when he does grow up, meets s lady they have children it’s going to be just fine that you don’t get to be involved in those childrens lives. Don’t think ot won’t ever happen to you. By nearly all u’ve wrote, you are simply not a good role model. Children need both their parents
Just wondering… why do you just now have custody? No judgement just trying to understand the situation better. The kid is 6 and you said just got custody after 5 years?
You should call a lawyer. Depending on your state, it is probably different. Abandonment is more for someone who is completely out of your child’s life, never trying, just gonzo. For example; my ex hasn’t seen or talked to our kids since 2015. That’s grounds for abandonment but in our state it has to be 7 years of no contact before it can be filed. Call a lawyer. Especially if DFS was involved for his whole life.
In my opinion you kinda always need any attorney he will probably attempt to fight it when he receives court papers on it even if he doesnt want to be in the childs life. Id talk to an attorney and go from there.
So you took your child away and now want to file abandonment? You sound like a peach🙄
You move your kid to another state and claim the father abandoned him wtf
I feel like this is something you need to speak to an attorney about. Reason being is we aren’t legal counsels and we don’t know the full story. If you just got custody back of your child the judge will dig into that. Also, if you moved states the judge will also look into that. I get it that he doesn’t come around often and I can’t say anything about him because I don’t know the situation or why he doesn’t come around often. Could be because you live in a different state. I live in a different state then my daughters dad but he supported my move and he tries as much as he can which isn’t a lot to see her aside from the summer time. So again the full story isn’t presented. My personal opinion is unless the other parent is like a seriously unfit parent why take their full rights away?
Are you jealous of his current situation ? Your child is now 6, but you haven’t had physically for 5 years?
I would say talk to am attorney first. This is going to sound harsh but I’m seriously not trying to be cruel or hateful. You state you just got your 6 yo back from the state after the state had custody for 5 years, the majority of his life. You then moved out of state and are claiming the father has abandoned him. There is always a possibility of it looking bad, to a judge, that you yourself didn’t have custody for so long and father can basically claim you withheld son then moved out of state. Please understand I’m not being judgemental as I have no idea of the actual circumstances, but I would suggest getting legal counsel before opening that can of worms.
Why don’t you move back and try not keeping custody away and see if he can actually be a part of the child’s life without you fighting to keep him away? Sounds like you are the one making it difficult for the dad.
She will make her choice when she is older. You don’t have the right to make that choice for your daughter. It’s not your relationship with dad it’s hers. You moved out of state that’s not cool her dad probably can’t get the time off of work or afford to drive there etc. Why don’t you suggest he files with the judge that you be responsible for transporting your daughter to his state for the summer. A judge would grant that. But he’s not going to lose his rights unless he agrees and signs off but still a judge isn’t going to grant that
Ask him if he would sign his rights over but you do need an attorney
Just leave it alone seriously my kids father doesn’t speak or ask about his and my kids don’t talk or ask about him. Just leave it alone seriously because more likely this is going to back fire on you. Let your daughter make her own choice if she wants to see or talk with her dad
He can’t really pop up when you moved states. Also you said he’s been in and out the whole time but you just got custody after 5yrs and the kid is 6! There has to be way more to this story bc it doesn’t sound like either of you have been there.
So let me get this straight, you moved states and now want to file against him for abandonment? Ummmm okayyy…
Nope sorry you moved. He can use that against you.
He is the father, whether you like it or not, even if He isn’t acting the way you think he should. Your child will hold it against you when older if you do it, She will want to know about her father, good or bad.
If child has been in state care that long and father is unfit state should have already done a tpr
If I was the guys attorney I’d be filing kidnapping charges.
Even tho you are the mother, you still took the the child.
I agree with the other lady. Just leave it alone.
Because it could get a lot worse.
I’m just sayin
But you moved states…. How did he …Nevermind!
I’m not sure why there are so many angry reacts, but as someone who has been through this personally, it’s much easier to terminate rights once the child is over 14 as long as there hasn’t been contact during that time.
My ex’s parents were on my side, and he hadn’t seen her in 5+ years, after being absent most of her life before that. We went to court when she was 10. We lost and 8 years later she told him to never contact her again or face charges.
He just recently gave up rights to her younger sister (his other daughter - not mine) so her step father could adopt her. She is 16. He knew he couldn’t win in court, so he gave up rights willingly.
Wait so you got him back 1.5years ago when he was 5 after 5 years of him being in foster care? Did you loose him at birth? How has his dad been in and out of his life but you haven’t? Visitation isn’t everyday for foster kids. Yet you moved states as soon as you got him back but now complaining that his dad pops in and out of his life? This post is confusing
Wait you moved to another state but want to charge the father with abandonment please help this make sense !
Lmao so it took you 5 years to be stable for your kid who is ONLY 6, yet you’re only giving him 1 year after you moved states? Gtfoh! There’s more to this story and you’re far from perfect lady
I can’t … Not enough info. Like, you just got your child back from the State, not his father. Heck, his father probably wasn’t able to even visit with the child when they were with the state. And you packed up and moved to another state after just getting your child back. Um, you didn’t give the father time to even try to be there for your guys child. Not everyone can just travel when they want to. It’s hard to build up enough PTO (paid time off) at a job, or even if a job offers it. How do you expect the father to visit when he probably doesn’t even know where you took your child. H3ll, you don’t even call your child “our child” when you mentioned the kid. So yea, you better rethink it, or put a better story and explain why you nor father didn’t have custody of your child for 5 years. And him being 6…
enjoy your child it will all come out right in one way or another and your child will realize Dad was not there or him. as hard as it is move on reminder kids know what is going on
He’s only (6). Give him time to ask for his dad…other kids will have a dad and I’m assuming he also just started school…he(the dad) doesn’t bother you guys anyway AND his family is still involved which means one of them will more than likely coordinate these two at some point unless you never see them either. But☝🏾it sounds like that relationship with his family is still there.
Are you wanting him adopted or something? [email protected] his behind for financial support, f him!
So your child is 6 and you just “regained” custody after 5yrs…sounds like you aren’t telling the whole story and are making the father out to be the only bad parent in this story. You moved out of state so him “popping in n out” is highly unlikely. The fact that you mention the fathers gf/ taking care of his gf kids speaks volumes on your true character; another bitter baby mama terrorist!!
So you ain’t been in the child’s life neither?!! An you left the state? You got some nerve lol… screw the fast forward leave that man alone focus on the child an get yo life together
Wait a minute - You just regained custody yourself after 5 years , then you leave the state with your 6 year old and now you want to press abandonment charges ??!? Are you being serious ??? If so , you may need to seek professional help not a social media platform .
That could possibly cause resentment for u from your child. Whether or not hes in his life at aome point ur child will want to know and when u tell ur child ur child moght not say it but they will resent u for that. As for him popping up idk what state ur in but where i live whether the father is present or not u have to get his permission aswell to movr said child out of state. Dont matter if u have full or joint custody.
You have valid points. I understand that you don’t want this possibility of him jumping in whenever he wants. However it’s really hard if not impossible to take rights away from the father. Your best option imo is to just move on. Remember unless you have a court order for visitation you do not have to allow him to see your child. He hasn’t tried to see him in over a year he’s unlikely going to file for rights. Just live your life & love your kid. The more you involve the courts the more opportunity you give him to come in.
What do you mean regained custody from the state? Did you not have custody since the child was 1?
It sounds like you just want to get at him however you can. If he wants to be involved, he has the right as the child’s father, if he doesn’t you don’t have to involve him if you don’t want to. My 16 yr olds sperm donor has never met him, I moved on, if he wanted rights he could have contacted me but I’ve never gone out of my way to make sure he had no rights to the child, no bitterness here, I’m happy to have my son.
You just got custody back a year ago. Sounds to me neither of you were all that great the kids first few years of his life. Maybe try giving the dad the same grace you were granted. Maybe he’ll get his act together and be better like you did. It isn’t fair to take a kids dad away permanently, especially because you sound petty and jealous he moved on. Let the cards fall where they will. If he hasn’t come around then your child will grow up and know who did what for him.
They won’t terminate rights without someone to adopt in their place or without serious reasoning like the parent is a sexual predator, killer, or highly dangerous
Ehhhh I think you should be back in the kids life a little longer before making decisions like that. Obviously the dad is still tied up in whatever you were at one point so you may want to have some understanding it’s not like he’s bothering you right? So leave it be. Now if you want to file emergency temp. Full custody so you know the dad will never JUST SHOW UP AND TAKE HIM God knows where because legally he can, I definitely would!.. but they won’t pull a dad’s full rights until you’re married for awhile to someone who wants to adopt him…they don’t just pull dads rights with nobody to take their place. In that situation proving abandonment is the first step. But the states first move will be to try for reunification so be careful. May end up splitting time instead…yes you’ll need a lawyer for all of the above
You sound like my boyfriends ex. Petty and resentful. Get over yourself and give his dad the opportunity to be in his life, as you were given the same opportunity
Someone’s not telling the whole story here
You either need to re word this or delete this that poor child. You both sound like unqualified parents.
Get a lawyer, always, when children are involved. You need that safety and protection of doing things right.
You moved states away now you want to charge him with abandonment? but you just got custody of the child?
Not judging but your best route will be an attorney. Especially since you moved states and want to try and take the fathers rights away (which is not easy).
Some states require 2 years of the other parent being gone. Make sure your not doing for yourself but just in the kids best interest .However if you choose to go with it get a lawyer. It’s hard to take rights away. Why didn’t you go after child support?
If the state had custody of the child for 5 years & he’s only 6 now, it kind of sounds like you showed up when it was convenient for you… But now you’re judging his dad for doing what you also were doing?? Poor kid
Yes u need an attorney. And that attorney will tell u its not going to happen. Look at your history with the kid. Stop being petty and enjoy your child.
Depends on state. In Tennessee. You cannot take rights away from a parent until another person steps up to be the replacement. As in another man stepping in to be father
You say you regained custody in 2020? So I take it your not parnet of the year yourself! So can’t you have some understand?
And this poor kid!!! Hasn’t this child been through enough without you trying to force people out of this kids life!
Depending on your state laws regarding parents rights you would probably need an attorney. It’s extremely difficult to get a parents rights stripped.
Check with your state laws. Most states if the parent had no contact with the child after three years you can file papers, go to court & the judge will decide. They will try to reach out to him. If they grant to to you there is no child support or anything else.
We don’t decide for other adults. Too many parents use the wrong words. “Take his rights away” instead of “taking my child’s right away”. When we put things into this context we can see clearly what we are really doing. You see, he may be a poor dad and he may be inconsistent but when it’s all said and done the mother is the one that made that barrier a permanent one. Sometimes it takes some parents many years to see this because we are wrapped into how this affects the father and often times we don’t think about our child. Doesn’t make us bad parents just shows how we don’t see the whole big picture and our roles in our child’s lives. I have the same situation. My son is now 14. He suffered and I have wiped many tears but he understands and he knows based on actions. I never took action to take my sons rights away from his father. I can’t do that. If her goal is to “wash her hands” then she shouldn’t be the barrier in between father and child. Let this run its course. She has to explain from here on out the questions that I promise you will come at full force. Sometimes we don’t want to deal with the painful process so we cut it off early but the only thing we accomplished is postponing the inevitable. You can’t erase a father because children long for them no matter what. They cry for them and they will look for them before they are 18. We just won’t know about it. Pick the battles that come to you don’t create them. That’s my advice on inconsistent absent fathers and what best to do because everything and I mean everything we do always comes back. We just postpone.
You haven"t “done all the work”. You’ve done a year of work. Get an attorney, but overall, unless he’s a bad parent, they won’t just take his rights away. And I think you’re going to open a door you don’t want to open, because dad might end up going after custody himself. I feel terrible for this child.
you moved, so I don’t think you in reality can ever cut him out of your child’s life, He is the father, whether he sees him or not, whether he pays child support or not. Again, you moved out of state, so just let it go. Plus, why weren’t you in your child’s life for 5 yrs, since the state had custody of him??? And if that was the case, I am really surprised the state allowed you to move, even though you now have custody of him, they usually like to do checkups , just to make sure everything is going fine
Wow, trying to eliminate the other parent from a child life is not the answer.
What did you lose your kids for though ?
Honestly that does matter here but to say “I did all the hard work” but yet the state felt the need to take them….seems off
So where was he till you got custody? And why 5 years in, where were you? Then YOU moved away and want to file abandonment on him? However you stated he has been in and out of his life? Do what’s right by the child. And I’d prolly start counseling now for the child if you haven’t already.
Let me get this straight, child’s been without both parents for 5 of his 6 years on this planet , and because you now chose to be a mom you’re mad the dad is doing g the same thing you did this won’t stand a chance in anyone’s courtroom be a MOTHER for more than a year then come back with this
Not sure about your state, but it’s unlikely that a judge is gonna terminate parental rights for one parent unless there is another parent ready and willing to adopt. Most judges would rather a child have a dead beat dad than to “bastardize” a child. Also, you are gonna have to jump through many hoops. Definitely need more details on your moving away. Does dad even know? Was there a parenting plan in place prior to your moving that specified moving and how that would look when considering the other parents rights? Again, my state is all I can speak for, but not only does there have to be no contact for x amount of time, but this also includes no child support. You will need an attorney to go through the steps. Public notification, putative father registry….it’s a time consuming process. Seems like you most likely know his whereabouts as you have complete communication and support from his family so this will probably be even harder. I don’t know your situation, but unless he legit is a bad father, on drugs, abusive, etc…then reconsider what you are trying to do. If he doesn’t see his child because of your moving away or your own issues with him, then don’t do that to him.
Sorry but, I hear alot of I in your post. There is going to come a day when this child is an adult …dont build resentment. Dad or mom I feel should ALWAYS be kept in contact even if it’s the progress of the child’s life. Be the bigger person, do your part for the CHILD!! right down to school progress ( for example) the child will know ( YOU TRIED!
You might want to read what you wrote. The child is 6 and after 5 years you regained custody. Sounds like he has 2 shit parents. Poor baby. But now that you are back around you expect a parenting award while putting the Dad down. Sorry not sorry but your wrong
So you move states and think he did wrong? You aren’t supposed to move without his consent or acknowledgement unless a judge agreed. You technically alienated that child and probably can be taken to court yourself.
Coming from a similar situation, people change. Don’t write the dad off just yet. Remember that not too long ago, neither one of you had custody. You changed. Give him the same courtesy. It doesn’t matter who around approves or disapproves. As long as the child isn’t jeopardized in any way. You even said that you don’t live in the state anymore. For one, that may be what’s making it difficult for him. And for two, if you’re not close anymore then isn’t that enough for you? If he doesn’t know where you live then Carry on. I understand the anxiety of thinking maybe he may come get the child but if you have sole custody THATS ILLEGAL and he would end up having his own rights removed if he tried to take the kid. Hope this helps
Although I disagree with the situation. If he isn’t fighting to see the child now I wouldn’t start a fight that isn’t there. If he comes around in 5 years you can than bring up abandonment.
Ia m sorry but seems like your playing God with the child’s life you were also absent once for a log period of time in the child’s life so
I’d build up the hrs then extra days ext suppervised ten unsupervised so it’s in a safe and controlled manner give the guy the chance you got
Also not fair to judge when you did the same and not good for the child to play God
My ex plays god with my child all the time it’s her that’s stuck in the middle he can’t see it as doesn’t care so it’s horrible I can see the effects it has on her hopefully soon he can to and will stop
Unless he is a danger to her or a peodo or rapist or anything serious then I’d give him a chance!.
So to all the above comments, don’t assume. She could have had to sign him over because of many stupid issues, she could have lost custody at birth and been making up for it since. A billion different explanations. And 2, just because she hasn’t had custody DOES NOT mean she abandoned her child or wasn’t there caring for the child the whole time. My sister doesn’t have custody of her oldest child because of some crazy woman (longstory) but she has him 24/7 raising him. My mother got out of prison 6 years ago so obviously didn’t have custody of my brothers but yet she’s spends every penny she can on them and see them regularly. She’s an amazing mom regardless of that paper.
So u have a six year old that u lost custody of for 5 YEARS?! AND now u want to get rid of his dad?! Help this make sense… how have u done all the hard work? Why did u lose custody, for 5 YEARS??
Well, if you moved states filing on him for abandonment you may not win. This doesn’t sound like a cut and dry case & if Dad doesn’t want to give up his rights you’ll need a lawyer and might lose. If you go in front of a judge and say, “I moved across state lines and Dad hasn’t seen my child in over a year. I would like his rights removed.” The judge will likely ask mediation first and find out why he isn’t contacting the child & make recommendations. You’re likely not gonna make his rights go away if he wants to keep them. If he wants his rights, you may be asked to set arrangements for dropping your child off to Dad across state lines.
You lost custody yourself for 5 years, so your child has been without both parents technically their whole little life. And because you’re finally in the picture and want dad out because of whatever reason is not a good enough excuse to take his rights. First off that’s not how that works. You won’t get full custody unless he signs his rights over. And just because you moved, doesn’t mean he has to, or can, drive to see said child all the time. Also stated above, depending on where you live, you very well could be taken to court if you moved and did not tell the court. Something seems sus.
How do you know he doesn’t see his child when his family has the child? But, just like you filed for custody you do the same thing to file the other charges or just let it go and move on!
wtf did I just read??
You sound bitter af. I can tell that your issue with him has nothing to do with your child. Why bring your kid into your problems?? Poor kid. You’re barking up the wrong tree. If I were you, I’d chill out. Seriously.
My dad was in and out my whole life and never paid child support. My mom didn’t ask. He’s passed now and in thankful he was in my life and I have what memories I do have. It’s not always about what you do for a child it’s what’s best for them.
It’s only been a year and you moved states. That may give dad an edge if he doesn’t want to sign over his rights. And the fact you barely got custody back after losing the child for 5 years. I don’t know anymore than what was in this but I’m unsure if it’s grounds to terminate his rights because what if you lose rights again? The state may think otherwise and keep his rights. You should be filing for child support if he isn’t financially supporting the child.
This post makes me so sad for the child. I just want to point out that all custody orders by a judge say that you are to notify parent and the courts 30 days prior to moving. That’s not even moving out of state. Some states mandate you can not move out of state with a custody order in the state statues. So unless you have done these things you would be in violation.
I’m guessing that you got custody and then moved out of state and failed to notify the child’s father and the court.
Even if both were notified you just can’t go into court and get his parental rights taken away unless he clearly showed proof of physical abuse to the child.
My two oldest children’s dad did the same thing with them. He moved states away and would say he would get them for summer or spring break and it always fell through. There was two times in a matter of five years they saw their dad and that’s because I drove them from Missouri to Florida to see their dad. Every other time after that I told him he had to meet me halfway. I also got to the point where I no longer told me kids about the plans because over half the time ‘something came up’ and I was tired of seeing my kids let down. After awhile they form their own opinion of their other parent. All you can do is encourage the relationship.
If you go to court to try to get his rights taken away trust me bad things will happen that you won’t like.
Don’t trust people’s experiences, each state is different. If you are still compelled, do a consult with a lawyer.
With someone in a background in law I say if you want to do something consult with a lawyer before taking the leap to go to court because it’s a huge mistake.
You didn’t had him for 5 years. He is only on his 1 1/2 mark. You still can’t get over him and that is because you want to to this.