Hello I (20f) and my boyfriend (25m) have been going through relationship issues. Well we talked everything out but the stuff I was finding out all at once cause me to have a panic attack and go to the hospital. Ever since then I’ve been in and out the hospital. I finally got on some meds today and have been very sick. I’ve been lazy not wanting to move or go anywhere or do anything. My bf is calling me lazy and I feel bad cause as much as I want to get things done I don’t have the energy. He’s understanding but he’s not at the same time. Idk what to do!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to fix relationship issues?
Work on taking care of yourself first.
Mental health issues cause lots of hiccups in relationships. You need to learn tools to calm down and stay on meds and take care of yourself while he needs to learn triggers, and the effects of mental health issues (whether it’s anxiety, depression, etc)
It takes two people resolve these issues. Men don’t realize how fragile people can be, women don’t realise the stress men have as well.
Leave. It wont ever get any better. You cant teach someone empathy and if his actions have harmed your mental health to the point you are now getting panic attacks trust me honey LEAVE. If there was one word of advice I would have for 20 year old me is LEAVE. Leave every situation that doesnt suit you as soon as you realize somethings not right. Ive wasted most of my life with shitty abusive alcoholic men. Dont be like me. Praying for you girl.
Most men do act that way when female is sick I’ve had two husbands act that way too
you really don’t know what to do??? Leave, NOW !!!
You just said you’ve been lazy so why is it wrong for him to say the same thing
You take care of yourself first.
How long have yall been together?
Well he caused it so why would you stay?
Is your relationship truly worth it if it caused you all of that?? I’ve been through some things in my lifetime but nothing so extreme it sent me to the hospital… maybe just a good cry and a few days of hating everything. You have to think of your health. If being in your relationship is going to cause you to not be able to do things anymore because your mentality is unstable and now you’re on meds because of it… do you really want all that? I’m not trying to be negative but I think you really need to sit and do some thinking because to me it sounds like you are very unhappy and I think you need to figure out what it’s going to take to make you happy again. && I’m sorry, but sometimes it’s letting go of things/people you never thought you would. In the end, I hope you find relief or happiness… just do what your intuition is really telling you to do.
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You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. You said you were put on some meds. Some meds can take awhile to start working. They aren’t miracle cures. Give them time to work. Try and do one thing a day. Make your bed. Put on some makeup even if you’re not going anywhere. Just at least try to do something every day. Good luck hope you start feeling better soon.
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You can’t pour from an empty cup.
If this relationship with this man is giving you panic attacks, maybe reevaluate your relationship.
Dump boyfriend and change meds.
if Ur Relationship Is Making you poorly to the point Ur in and out of hospital Why the hell are u staying? what’s the point? Leave and Get Ur life back on track and get Well.
Find a new boyfriend
Men are not sympathetic when women are sick. They give you 15 minutes to get over a 24 hour virus. They’re even less understanding of mental illness. Even if they contribute to it. If he’s not going to help, he’s going to hurt. Ask yourself if you need someone who is going to stay on you and make you feel worse. If the answer is no, then it’s time to dump this guy and concentrate on taking care of yourself. Get the mental health care you need.
I’ve been through this very thing. You’re not lazy, you’re recovering. People don’t understand how exhausting it is just to get out of bed. Especially being out on meds. You go through side effects. Stop saying you’re lazy and say you’re sick and doing the best you can. Don’t sweep mental health under the rug as lazy. If he caused you all that, leave hunny. It doesn’t get better. Your health will get worse. Get yourself a man who will do research on what you’re going through and not critique you but instead try to be understanding all the time.
A man causing you to have a panic attack. This would be me. Ain’t no man worth my peace. You are 20. You have your whole life. This is just an example of what you will face. Don’t live a stressed life
You don’t need that medicine you need the Blood of Jesus pled over your life right now! And YOU have to be the one to call out to HIm and receive what God has to offer which is peace and wisdom beyond human comprehension. Trust me I was in a dark place as recent as December 2021 transitioning out from a six year relationship woth a narc who discared me for someone 11 years younger than us and I had three different previously prescribed anti depressant meds to choose from that i got during said relationship and they made me sick where i couldn’t eat or function right and I’m a spiritual person so I knew they just wouldn’t work for what was hurting in my soul. Only Abba (God) of Abraham, Issac and Jacob can fix that. Praying you seek His face today sooner not later and that you draw near to God so He will draw near to you!
It’s sounds like depression and that is a real problem that causes you to not want to do anything but then you feel guilty about not doing anything so you end up doing nothing cause you can’t deal. You need help for this now and not later.
Tell him if he doesn’t like it then to do it himself.
My husband and I have this agreement he works and I’m a SAHM, I don’t go to his job and tell him how to do shit and he can’t come home and tell me how to run things. And if the house is a mess and he doesn’t like it then he should clean it himself and not complain, he lives there too.
I also want to say that I had the same thing happen I ended up at the hospital too same thing couldn’t move and for weeks I was drained it’s because your heart and mind got broken and uncared for . It’s so hard when you love and don’t feel it back . It broke me too but I’m 45 it literally took the wind right out my sail . I got better by gardening and getting in touch with nature and spending more time with family my adult kids really help me get back to myself . Best advice I got was worry about fixing yourself don’t hear him or listen because once you get back and survive this and become stronger than ever then they (him)want to be with you and strength is attractive. But men do t see things like we do . I started doing what I felt was good for my soul and grew stronger a little each day out your hands in the dirt and soul and reconnect and I promise you will get well again . I stopped chasing my man or acting so concerned then he wanted me more and did for me more without asking . Men are weird creatures they get ignored it drives them crazy took me 2o yrs to get it and see it work . You will be ok reconnect with earth thru grounding you can go to the beach build a sand castle or garden like I said just get your hands n feet dirty with soil it really works . I literally had the same thing happening to me hospital break down called names like lazy the whole thing . Like reading my own words . Just try to forgive and move forward but do not take abuse . Just be in the now not the future not the past we can only fix ourselves if we are in the now ! I hope this helps in your healing try not to relive it each day cuz each time is a dagger to your heart again and again .
You can’t ask God for his peace and chill and let God fix it.if God put you together he will hold you together just ask for peace
Your relationship has literally put you in the hospital… multiple times
There is nothing wrong with you it’s him making you feel low.
Sounds like depression along with the anxiety. Talk to your Dr.
Before you need a boyfriend, you need help with your mental faculties. See a doctor soon
leave him. if being with him is making you go to the hospital multiple times… you don’t need that. it’ll only get worse.
Sounds like you need a few life changes.
Lose the boyfriend and buy yourself the gift that keeps on giving. Thank me later.
Find out which med is making you feel this way it sounds like a depression drug that’s too strong talk to you Dr. and get on a better med for you
There’s a quote I heard from a Medea movie “Sometimes we hold onto the very things that God himself is trying to tear away” honestly if it’s causing you health issues, it’s time to walk away & find yourself. You aren’t gonna be happy in a relationship, unless you get back to yourself.
A dude causing you to have a panic attack from his actions isn’t worth it. Put your health, both mental and physical first, and get rid of him. You’re only 20…
Toxic relationship let it go, work on yourself so that you can be the best you for yourself
Sounds like you just need to let him go and focus on getting yourself better.
Too many open questions about the current situation & what got you there…
But to answer the original question:
Love, Forgiveness & Patience can fix relationship issues
God is helpful in these topics, read up on the Fruits of the Spirit
Especially on Love
See what it stirs it up in your heart & discover if you Two are meant for each other for life
sounds like you need to focus on yourselves right now and see where it takes you
Most relationships you have at 20 are not your forever. I wish I believed people who told me that myself lol. But they are important to learn what you want and don’t want, what you’ll accept and won’t and how to communicate, compromise, love, listen, argue with purpose and share responsibilities. Learn your lessons here. What he did gave you a panic attack??? Now he won’t support you in recovery? What will you tolerate. Learn your lesson and strength and move on. Doesn’t mean you don’t love him… But you won’t love him forever. You need to evolve to a better self and attract people of that caliber. Recognize the red flags and don’t let them slide next time. If you learn it wasn’t a waste.
You need to take care of yourself and be with someone who will be there for you 100% on your bad days, trust me it helps so much to be understood and cared for when you are feeling like that, sounds to me like maybe you need to just let him go… There are guys out there that will be there and help you threw the bad times and trust me it makes it so much better having someone who will bring you peace instead of panic…you definitely aren’t lazy new meds always make you feel like crap until your body gets used to them… Sending lots of love and good vibes your way, you got this and you are not alone!!
Get out of the relationship? You’re so young.
Relationships shouldn’t put you in the hospital. Leave him.
Leave him. That sounds just baaaad all around
Get your meds changed. You shouldn’t be sick from them. Contact your doctor.
Break up with him and move on with your life.
He’s causing the panic. Girl… toss that mfer and get some peace for yourself!
Talk to your doctor about your medication. You need to focus on your health and make yourself a priority. Be well
red flag. get rid of him, he has too much control over your emotions. He’s toxic
LEAVE your mental health is more important. He isn’t understanding or supportive if he is calling you lazy and giving you panic attacks. You deserve better.
Probably the meds causing that tell doctor and try something else
Probably the medication you are on. Antidepressants make you tired.
Leave he is the issue.
Girl, Run!! No relationship is worth ruining your mental health!
No fixing!!! Listen to your gut, leave this guy alone and you will start feeling better. Crazy how our bodies and minds react to things. A relationship that causes sickness is not whats up.
If your feeling that run down it could be the new medication or your iron levels could be low. Either way talk to your doctor
Anxiety acts up around certain people for a reason.
Trust me… mine is horrible with my ex
Girl, if a relationship is causing that much stress and anxiety, it ain’t worth it.
Marriage is when two people genuinely care for each other …
Something is sadly missing from your equation -
Please, I was in a marriage just like this for 3 LONG years …
YOU are more important than this relayionship
Leave!! Been thru it, not worth it all!!
Leave. That ain’t worth it.
Don’t make permanent decisions over short term issues. You stated that he is being understanding which is great but also not as understanding as you would like. Remember that the medication is effecting your personality and that he also has to learn to deal/cope. My husband is diabetic and his highs and lows change his personality I didn’t realize just how much going into the marriage but bc I love him I had to learn and adapt and change my responses. If you value him and he values you. You need to both help each other learn this new chapter of your lives and get through it together if that is what you truly want. If he is really that terrible than you should leave 100 percent, but only you know that answer.
Some people don’t truly understand what a mental illness can to to someone, not just mentally, but emotionally and physically. My husband and I started marriage counseling and sometimes we sit down at night and have a discussion. We will focus on one of my diagnosis and I’ll explain what it is, how it effects me in my daily life and what struggles I face everyday because of it. He sits and listens and then asks questions to get a better understanding of it and asks what he can do to help when situations become too much for me.
Your not lazy it’s your mental health, tour having panic attacks and that. You could be suffering with depressing if you have no go in you at all.
It’s the medicine making you feel like that that’s happened to me also screw him what a fing a hole!
You two are young, not married not sure if theres kids or not in the equation. Like everyone has stated its time to leave i hope you do and not continue down this road of toxicity and negativity that you dont need in your life. YOU CANNOT HEAL IN THE SAME PLACE YOU GOT SICK. That includes places, people, relationships etc.
What could you find out during a conversation about y’all’s relationship that’s bad enough to cause a panic attack that put you in the hospital and has cause more then just the one trip? Are you sure it was that and not something else? Meds help but don’t fix. See a psychiatrist or therapist. ￼
You’re young with your whole life ahead of you. Don’t fight a losing battle that you’ll never win. He’s already shown you who he is. Take some time for yourself, get healthier and find a good man.
Letbthose meds go n your boyfriend im sure god will be with you if u got meds for anxiety thats what they do make us lazy just wanted to sleep parying for u to be strong
If something you found out caused you to end up in emergency then you need to run far away
If the issue is anything like him cheating or something (to be really honest… even if it isn’t, it was bad enough to give you an actual panic attack which means you should leave anyway!) then having the audacity to call you lazy (which isn’t understanding at all:joy:) then I’d be saying bye
Being depressed and anxiety ridden can to cruel things to a person. Like any mental health problems. Please don’t allow yourself to rush your own journey of getting better to please ANYONE else wether that is him, a friend or even family.
Take all the time YOU need
I get “lazy” when I’m very depressed. Once you’re used to the meds and on the right ones, it will get better. Also, getting rid of the problem will help. If he is the problem then you know what to do. Because whatever he did has badly upset your mental health. That’s not healthy.
Honey, that’s not lazy, that’s depression. There is situational depression and that’s what it sounds like you have going on. I would talk you your Dr about it and don’t let them man gaslight about your feelings
Emotionally drained and your boyfriend is a dick…if you need meds because of the pain and utter shock of his doings you need a new honey boo!!! There is no reason you should have to do shit he should be pouring love into you not name calling and shaming you for feeling bad…come on Hun it is literally going to give you problems. You can not make him care his mom was not good at giving her best advice in regards with how to get through to a woman. Sooooo take that nap babe take a nap til you can’t sleep anymore then you get tf up and take a shower listen to music and talk to your self out loud and say great things about yourself…do it for a month let the dude go yo let hhhiiiimmmm gooooo
F him for not being supportive and helpful, why can’t he pick up the slack while you recover? & as for you, it’s the medicine babe. It’ll regulate, if it doesn’t, see your doctor for a change in dosage. I would suggest not putting everything on yourself, give yourself one small task to accomplish at a time. See where it leads you, sometimes I find I just gotta fake it til I make it. Pretend to have energy/ be motivated. Complete one task, either it’ll motivate you to keep going or you’ll of at least accomplished your goal for the day. And that’s enough. But don’t do it for him baby, you deserve more than that.
Sometimes you just got to push through
Sounds like you two are not compatible
Are you going to go thru life having panic attacks and going into the hospital over issues ?
It doesn t change till you finally lay down.
You’re 20…. Honestly don’t let a man and a relationship bring you to breakdowns so early in life believe me it ain’t worth it. You have your whole life ahead of you. I started dating my husband at 19 and he was 20 we got married and started having kids at 21… we had issues most of our marriage. I wish I would have smartened up in the beginning at your age. It’s not worth it. We were together 20 years and I finally walked away I couldn’t let him ruin my older years too. I love our 3 kids and don’t regret everything but the red flags from the beginning should have made me walk away a long time ago. Don’t let a man drag you down and cause mental issues. Been there done that. Good luck.
FYI…. What you’re going through, the panic attacks and depression and being put on meds making you feel tired and blah…. That’s your body telling you something is wrong and to put yourself first!!!
Being depressed n lazy 2 different things
He should take time to think about your Mental health condition and not his needs and wants. Panic attacks suck. I hope you feel better soon.
This generation is so weak. An argument causes a panic attack. Good grief. If that what happens in an argument. You need to stay single.
Seriously though. Grow up. Life is full of crazy people. Life will not be ice cream and cherries. Learn to deal with the bad stuff in life before you get in a relationship.
Try splitting up. Yes, a relationship takes compromise and communication. It does NOT cause mental breakdown. That’s the result of abuse.
You need to take care of yourself first . You are more important right now . If he doesn’t understand set him free.
Leave. No relationship is worth your health.
Girl anxiety attacks and “lazy”, you sure its not depression. Depression isn’t always wanting to end things. Sometimes it comes across as lazy, always tired, fatigue, sad and just feeling down. I highly suggest you speak with someone professional, psychologist tries to work on the root cause whereas psychiatrist gives meds. It helps to get perspective from them without judgment. A psychologist can ask questions that may answer your above questions.
At least he needs to understand that you are not in a condition to deal any trauma. First take care of yourself, you are your own priority dearest.
Throw the whole man away. You had to be hospitalized because of him and then he had the audacity to call you lazy while you recovered? Do yourself the favor of leaving.
Dump him. Why are letting him do this to You? No man is worth it.
Leave you are super young and don’t need to be with anyone who brings you this much stress. Leave, heal, love yourself and keep moving forward in your life
Tell him to take Zoloft and ask how he feels after a few days:joy: or mood stabilizer yeeeee.
Sounds like depression has set in
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You sound depressed, and he sounds like a jerk.
Get rid of him. This is one of those cases where you’re better off. You’re 20 years old you should be out partying, making mistakes, figuring out what you want to do, finding yourself. What you shouldn’t be doing is raising someone else’s grown ass son. There’s a man out there looking for you that would never cause you to have a panic attack so bad you go to the hospital, and he certainly would never call you lazy to be mean. Drop this one, go have fun, find the right guy. You’ve got too much time to be wasting on these types of dudes. I know a lot of people say leave too easy, sometimes it’s warranted though. You’re too young to be putting up with this crap. No one should be putting up with it, but especially not someone your age.
You depressed take what meds that was given it’ll take time