How to gain trust back with our daughter?

My daughter recently broke up with her boyfriend. He’s very bitter and has harassed her a few times. Today he started texting her father and I saying she was with her new boyfriend and not where we thought she was and told us how when they were dating she would lie to us saying she was with so and so when she was really with him. Spending whole weekends with him when she was supposed to be with friends. Telling us that when she would tell us practice after school ran late and she’d get a ride from someone else she actually went to his house. When she got home we told her we’re needed to talk. She immediately confessed and also found out she’s been sexually active with her ex, which wasn’t much of a surprise after everything else. Obviously trust has been broken between her and us. How do we go about getting it back? Obviously she’s not allowed anywhere right now but how can we ever trust her again? Btw, we have plans in place if her ex harasses her again so we don’t need any advice on that. Thank you.

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As a mother it’s hard and we have to understand that our daughters are living in a dangerous world… with that being said learn from your mistake don’t punish her let her know you love her and want the best for her and it breaks you heart you found out about it that way . Tell her you won’t always agree with her decisions just like when you were growing up not everyone agree with yours but change in the fact that moving forward you just want her to be safe if she’s sexually active TALK TO HER ABOUT SEX AND SEE WHAT OPTIONS SHE WANTS TO TAKE TO PROTECT HERSELF! Telling her no you can’t go somewhere should have been your wake up call and tell her just tell me the truth of when your going where your going and how long you plan to go so I can at least have that piece of mind . My children and I use a free GPS app to let us always know where we are at at all times because I don’t care what anyone had to say I just want them to be safe and if I see they are somewhere for a long time I’ll text or call them and they will always assure me they are good and update the time they are coming home it’s about you have lived so let live but communication without judgement and providing sound advice so they don’t do things without someone telling them the do’s and don’ts and trusting them in whatever decision they will take…

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to gain trust back with our daughter?

Ok so I know she lied, but why give the EX boyfriend the victory in getting her in trouble. Also that seems dangerous. Get protective order!!

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First of all how old is she. Second none of his damn business.

So you have grounded her because of him no wonder she’s not trusting you I would either :joy:

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It depends on how old she is. Trust is hard to gain back. But I’d put a tracker app on her phone.

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Yeah you’ve messed up to be honest. You literally come across as to listening to her ex boyfriend - who is out to just cause her trouble. I don’t blame her for being hurt and angry with you.

You should have sat her down and talked to her. Explained what you’ve been told, that this is her opportunity to tell her side and work it through as a family.

Now you’ve alienated her - and she isn’t going to come to you or feel she can trust you with issues.

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Obviously she felt like she had to lie to you guys for a reason…to strict maybe? I don’t see why she would of had to lie so much to see him unless you were barley allowing her to do so. But why even give the ex-boyfriend satisfaction over getting your daughter in trouble? I get that she lied but that’s pretty messed up. And how old is she? That’s important to know.

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No, no, no! :sleepy: you are allowing this man to abuse her from afar. That is a form of psychological abuse. Establish a bond with your kid to where she will trust u enough to tell u what she is doing. What u did is form a bigger wedge between u, and her. Trust goes BOTH ways. She is her individual person, and not just your property. As a mom, guide her, talk to her, understand her, form trust, dont just expect it.

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What is her age … she lied for a reason so get to the root of that first…if she wants to spend time with her boyfriend then come up with days and times or now that you know she just needs to be honest and ask

How I’d handle the situation all depends on age.

Honestly if she’s anywhere near 18 this ain’t your business anymore.
She’s lying so she doesn’t have to deal with the judgement on her life.
But that’s my opinion and if you feel differently you can certainly get a tracking app or just go back to double checking with parents before they leave. I do that with my 12 year old, I need a parent to call and let me know they’ll be home and supervision will be happening.

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I think “trust” entails more than knowing where she is. First, get her on birth control immediately. You don’t want this to get worse. Then find a family therapist. Yes, kids lie, but if you knew she had a boyfriend, why did she lie about spending time with him? Secrets foster dysfunction and alienation. At the time she should’ve gone to you for advice, birth control, etc, she lived a secret, risky life. You’ll likely need help fixing that gap and healing from betrayal.

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Depends on how old she is?

This was literally basically my late teenage years. It’s totally normal. Idk how you get the trust back but the ex is just looking for revenge and you’re giving it to him. Do you like the new bf?? Maybe encourage him to come hang out with you guys. Movie night. Dinner. Ect. Don’t punish her more for getting away from a shitty guy. Yeah she was lying and going out and sleeping with him. I’m sorry to say but that’s pretty typical behavior for a teenage girl. How old is she. If she’s 15/16 yeah I’d be a little more upset but. There’s honestly not a whole lot you can do

Age is important here. I disagree with the people saying you’re at fault for listening to the ex. He told you the truth and yes, it was to hurt her. But she’s also risking herself. If you hadn’t said you had a plan for him if he tries anything with her again, then I’d call you out.

But she was lying, sexually active, & risking her safety. Obviously she is not yet of driving age or she isn’t driving yet. So I’m guessing 16 or under? Yeah, that’s a hell no. Idc who told me. She’d be tracked and monitored until she felt she could not lie to me about who and where.

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Coming from a difficult teenager, my mother would never meet me halfway on anything. I had to lie to see friends too. It ruins trust. You need to communicate with her more on her level if you want her to trust you. I wasnt ready for life AT ALL when i moved out as i had rediculous rules other teenagers didnt have. Teenagers are prob ALL gonna be sneaky sometimes. You have to pick the battles worth fighting. Seeing your boyfriend is very important to teenage girl. Worth mentioning, ive chosen a gentler parenting method for my sons. The turnout, these kids are playing video games at my house for fun instead of getting in trouble somewhere else. My sons g-friend comes here. Sometimes giving in little on things here/there means alot to a teenager. This is a really important time in her life. I would never want to relive being teenager is so degrading

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I feel like you allowed him to harass her one last time. A betrayal to be sure.
Actually I would start with removing the grounding and apologize for allowing him to get one last dig, then DISCUSS with your daughter how his behavior convincing her to do these things actually put her in danger.

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You have to ask yourself why she felt the need to lie to you with regards to where she was? Are you too strict wanting to know her every move?
Yes she is wrong in lying trust is a two way thing. You need to sit down and ask her why she felt the need to lie and you need to listen not go on about we can’t trust you anymore. She felt she could trust you by lying and not coming to you about sex.

You are allowing the ex to abuse her by proxy, exactly what he was hoping for. Block the ex. And file a protective/harassment order for your daughter.

You don’t say how old your daughter is, but since she has a phone, just put a Life 360 on it, so you know where she is. The biggest danger is thinking she is safe in one place, but her being in peril at another.

Discuss which birth control options she is using or would like to use. Don’t just leave the “sex talk” at that. You should be having some ongoing conversations about consent, pleasure, what red flags look like in burgeoning relationships, and what “green flags” look like as well. Otherwise, you are letting society fill in some of those blanks, and it is often very at odds with what an actual healthy relationship resembles.

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Strict parents cause sneaky kids.

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So his master plan worked. I wouldnt punish her at all. This is where you should be understanding and build your trust from here. Punish her and push her away.

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There was no trust from the begining
If she’s lying about everything she does

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I would definitely sit and have a talk with her. Let her know why you’re upset, (more so bc of the lying) not bc you’re on her ex’s side and try to build that bond of trust. Most teenagers aren’t going to confide in their parents especially if they feel like they’re always gonna get in trouble. I think even if you don’t trust her at the moment, pretend you do, that’ll give her the feeling to want to open up.

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Just stay on her. And once she starts to date again if she starts again, contact the parents of the boy and introduce yourself. Work together as parents to keep your daughter safe and hold her accountable for her actions. I am speaking from recent experience with a 15 year old. The boys mom and I speak pretty much daily, even if it’s just a “hey, she wants to come over today, is that ok with you? Will you be home?” Thing. It really has made a tremendous difference. Trying to stop her won’t stop her. She will just pull further and further away. I wanted so badly for her to wait until she was older, but it happened sooner than I wanted, so now that it’s here, gotta show her how to behave correctly. If she’s “old enough” to be dating, she’s old enough to be responsible. Also, discuss birth control with her if you are pro-birth control. Sometimes the boyfriends will try to convince them not to, so allow her a place to speak freely about it or she will clam up and lie.

Also, she’s lying to you because she thinks / knows you don’t want her to date. And since she wants to and is, she will lie to do it. So be a nosey pepper and be Jalepenobusiness.

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I’d be more focused on therapy. That ex seems to have played mind games and good job for her getting free. When controlled it’s a byproduct. (Lying). I still say let my kid experience this while under my roof so the pattern can be disturbed in safety of loving family. Put your emotions to the side… the root issues seems not to be the lying.

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The tracking thing is just going to piss her off and be sneaky behind your back even more. Been there, done that. I was a rebel myself as a teen, so I know how to beat around the bush

Why would you listen to her Ex??? Talk to your daughter!

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I think at this point I would be more worried about the manipulation from the ex boyfriend that’s the scary thing you should be making safety plans with your daughter and the trust will work it’s way back take your daughter’s safety seriously

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Hard to give advice when the age isn’t known. If she is 15 and above you have to realize she is young and thought she was in love. No it doesn’t make it right. Explain to her you understand what she did but that doesn’t make it right. If you put her on lock down you will never have HER trust. You need to teach her that she can come to you with these things. There was obviously something missing before on her end where she thought she had to be sneaky with you. I know teenagers aren’t always totally honest with their parents but with open communication you can at least keep up with most of what they are doing. I always told my kids I would rather know what they are doing so I can help them if they needed it. They would call me if things went wrong and they needed rides, they told me when they were going to “sneak” out of the house. I told them I would rather know where they were and what they were doing so I could help keep them safe. But like I said this was 15 and above.

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You don’t need to worry about how to trust her again. You need to worry about her Ex being controlling and manipulative…waiting till it happens again to deal with that could be deadly.
You also need to focus on building a relationship with your daughter where she feels safe telling you she wants to hang out with her new boyfriend after school sometimes and y’all coming to an agreement about situations like those.

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Her boyfriend was not doing this to “
Help “ her he was being a complete A hole !

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Cut off communication with her ex and you. He got what he wanted, her to be in trouble. Theres no reason he should be talking to any of you.

Talk to her about being more open with you don’t punish her. Say lying isn’t okay and you need to know where she’s at and what she’s doing from a safety standpoint but do not Shame her.

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Wow what a let down for her :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: I suggest counseling for all of yall and her… together and separatly YOU f#cked up on this :face_with_symbols_over_mouth::roll_eyes::face_with_symbols_over_mouth::roll_eyes::face_with_symbols_over_mouth: she was let down by him and now you guys, she must feel so alone and now you are putting it on her to “earn you trust back” as if you guys didn’t let her down
Shame on you

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I think the ex did exactly what he intended to do, and turned you all on each other. It’s all about keeping that control.

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You should be more concerned with the ex STALKING your child at this point.
How you gonna punish her for something he coerced her into. Sorry, sounds like your priorities area bit backwards. Poor girl :weary:

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What he said might be true, but he sounds like manipulation, and control. She needs to get into counseling. Don’t let him still have control over her. Yes she broke your trust. But you taking away her privileges by going to friends house, is giving him control.

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Keep talking. Love it and or not put her on birth control. Go to her to counseling with or without you. He’s bitter I get that. Rebuild your relationship with daughter. Meet her new friend

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So your daughter is being stalked & harassed & your more worried about things she’s already confessed to? Get your priorities straight & stop worrying about punishing her & be there for her right now. Your daughters ex is out for revenge & your giving it to him so start being there for your daughter-Your letting her down so much right now-poor kid. Also, you just grounded her as you said so now he knows where she is 24-7. At home & at school- Are you & your husband at home when your daughter is the entire time? If not then you just put a target on her back. I’ve been stalked & harassed as an adult so I know the fear. I can only imagine what it’s like when you can’t control anything because your parents aren’t even worried about you but more worried about your punishment.

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She made mistakes so I think forgiving her and letting her know how her choices make you feel is really the right way to go. I wouldn’t punish her. We all lie and make mistakes. Being mature, forgiving, and able to move past these mistakes would set a good example. Of course reiterating the expectations you have for her and that the rules are for her safety and because you love her is important. To trust her just be honest with yourself about instances in your life where you’ve lied or been sneaky/dishonest. I think once we reflect on our natural flaws and humans it’s easier to be more accepting of these mistakes, especially when made by teenagers who are just Learning to navigate indepemdance and peer relationships

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You do know this communication from him to you is a form of harrasment to her too?

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You are as fault just as much as the ex was! Your Daughter probably feels as though she can’t trust her parents! SHAME ON YOU! who are you to listen to the ex and punish your Daughter? I thin you as parents need therapy! Your Daughter needs to learn how to trust you and you will be lucky if she will ever confide in you ever! Huge mistake on your part! Hope your Daughter heals from this!

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Obviously you still have growing up to do yourself. Taking information from her ex even if it is true and running with it, instead of going to your daughter about it is going to damage the relationship you have now, more than it’s damaged your trust in her.

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Maybe try to wk on your relationship/time with her too. Take her place she want 1-2 times a week/bonding is what i mean. Manicure, haircut maybe?? Always ask quests too(positive nature/no detective wk). Ask her, ask here, other parents, etc. There are prob f-book groups for parents too. Being a parent is hard you dont always have answers. My sons are 18, 19 and im still learning about parenting

Why are you talking to the ex ?? Why is he stalking her ??

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Is this a joke? First of all, you’re seriously going to take your daughters crazy ex’s side over hers? Secondly, why aren’t you concerned about the fact that the ex is displaying such a disgusting act of jealousy and harassment? If I were your daughter, I’d be questioning whether I’d ever be able to trust my PARENTS again after this. Wow.

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Time for an open, honest discussion about birth control methods and the emotional aspect of having sex. I would also talk to her about the dangers of not being where she said she was by telling her about Brittanee Drexel. My friend, Tracy Pickett, disappeared in 1992 after she (allegedly) accepted a ride from an adult male in a van when she was 14 years old (she was supposed to be spending the night with a girl she knew but Tracy’s mom didn’t know the girl didn’t live with her parents. There was a party there that night that the male suspect attended).
Anyway. I digress.

I’d keep a close eye on him and her

So I’m glad you put a plan in place for if he stalks or harasses her again that is showing her you do care. I’d definitely just make it where she can feel like she can come and talk to you about anything. Seems like the communication lines are not open or she least feels that way. Maybe instead of her go to friends they come to your home. If she has a new boyfriend then fine let him come over and they hang out don’t freak out if they hold hands or hug in front of you. You have make her feel like she can be who she is in front of you and not be judged for it. I also would not talk to her ex who cares if he told you what she was doing that doesn’t give her good trust in you he also sounds like a creep stalking your child that is the only way he would know who she is out with.

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Um how old is said daughter

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Wow you just gave her stalker the power he wanted.

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From the little details provided, he sounds controlling, he is controlling how you view/treat your daughter even after they broke up. Did you ask your daughter why she lied? Why she did not disclose the truth about who she was with, where she was , etc. ? Are you sure she was not in a IPV relationship where she was coerced into lying, where she was being isolated from her friends and family… her ex-boyfriend is doing it now, he is creating a wedge between you and your daughter, he is leading you to believe that you cannot trust her… perhaps he is doing that in hopes she will return to him.
Trust is hard to earn back once broken but I liege there is much more to this then your daughter lying. She may feel that she cannot come to you. As parents, we want to protect our children from the ugly and dangers of the world, however, sometimes we hold them so tight they feel they need to lie. Maybe seek counseling so you have a safe, neutral setting to express your concerns and your daughter express hers.

Happy to hear you are ensuring that the ex-boyfriend no longer harasses your daughter :two_hearts:

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Were you never a teenager or…?

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If you have never done any of those things when you were younger, you must have had a boring life…

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Age is important here

As someone who snuck around and as a survivor of domestic abuse, you need to be more concerned with creating better relationship with your daughter so she can trust you, instilling a sense of self worth in her and teach her how to establish boundaries or this could be the first in a long line of abusive, manipulative boyfriends. You actually sided with her abuser and did his dirty work for him. I can’t imagine how low and betrayed your daughter must feel. No wonder she didn’t just ask to do these things in the first place.

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Very similar situation happened to me and I moved out at 17. Don’t be mean to her please. I understand punishment but just still love and be there for her or you will push her so much further away.

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Apparently she doesn’t feel she can come and talk with her parents so instead of punishment you may want to work on your relationship.

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You’re not concerned that the ex is being controlling, calling your daughter out, telling you guys private sh** that’s really not that out there, and disciplining her because of her EX?! No wonder she didn’t want to tell you guys what she was really doing.

You’re disciplining her for acting accordingly with being a teenager, I’m assuming she’s a teenager. Instead of grounding her, why don’t you tell her that birth control is very important, that teen pregnancy is hard and she wants to avoid that at all cost. That men with controlling behavior like her ex is toxic and will only get worse. To let you guys know that she wants to go out to her boyfriends, and to be SAFE. because she WILL sneak around with these weird rules and this weird siding with the ex-like behavior from you guys. Gaining trust back? Why don’t you make HER trust YOU enough for her to come to you with what’s going on in her life, without her feeling like she will be grounded and ashamed. Psh, pathetic.

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Why he being a tattle tale!! He want telling you all that when he was with her knowing she want suppose to be with him

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Well I agree there needs to be consequences… but you’re walking a fine line between consequence and letting her obviously narcissistic boyfriend win his game of trashing her and using her parents to punish her.

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Or treat the kid like the age she actually is lmfaoooo some parents don’t understand… :face_vomiting::face_vomiting:

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You’re literally allowing the harassment to cause further damage, you didn’t say your daughters age either, there will never be trust between you if you allow just anyone to influence your opinion of your daughter

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Sad that parents don’t think of young adults as adults then post their private life on Facebook for anyone too see. You shouldn’t be parents and should be ashamed

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Yikes. Bitter ex started harassing her and you gave him the power that he was looking for. She was honest when it came down to it. Maybe stop being so harsh and start giving her some freedoms and let her feel comfortable talking to you.

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Age is important for more context

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Sheesh I think I’m going to keep my mouth shut here…

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U are just giving her ex exactly what he wanted he done it to cause trouble for her and it worked and yie listen to him and also it’s in the past why punish her now talk to her be there for her and stop talking to her stalker punishing her over the stuff his telling yie it’s what he wants she’s a teenager give her a break

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I’m not sure I would punish her. I feel like she already got natural consequences!! And to be honest you gave a stalking man power over this young ladies life and took it from her. Give her the power back and learn to allow a conversation with out and her. Me and my son have a thing we do. When he says “mom I need to talk” no punishment an come from that besides staying home with me. And everything has to be honest. And so far it has worked. He told me what ever it was that he needed to with no fear of the outcome. I can guide my son and help him along the way

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How old is she? Can’t really say without that really relevant info.

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Wow so she’s being harassed and is probably hurting and you punish her more for being honest? Man, it’s parents like this that motivate me to do better for my kids. They will always be able to talk to me

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Age? Cause just a year or 2 difference makes a big difference. When i was 16 and 17 it ran off with boyfriends and was sexually active. Thankfully didn’t get pregnant then. Have her couch text her before and after practice. Track her phone. After high school I had been in relationships with abuse (mental and physical) and i feel my pattern of guys and pattern of being selfish lead me to that. Please try to redirect her. Let her invite girl friends over. Have family nights. Remember don’t tell her she’s ever wrong for how she feels. Don’t remind her that she’s too young to understand. And I’d block that ex from your phone and hers.

I would not let him control her narrative…my highschool boyfriend did this to me… It was to control me…He also hit me and all kinds of mental and emotional abuse… Tell him how disgusting and controlling he is being …Get a life jerk!!!

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Well, this is going to depend upon her age here, but if she is 16 or older - I would say it’s time to sit down with her and tell her you respect that she is becoming a young adult and understand that as a young adult she is going to want to be doing the kinds of things she has been doing, and that from here on out you want her to be 100% honest with you and that you will respect her space as a young adult doing these things, and that you will help her be SAFE and WISE doing them. Reiterate to her that you don’t want to prevent her from any fun or any relationships - you just want her to stay safe and not get into any toxic relationships if possible. I even tell my 13 and 11 year old that they can talk to me or ask me about ANYTHING with zero judgment and zero consequences, and I also tell them that no matter the time or day - they can CALL me and I will come get them no matter where they are or who they are with and they won’t be in trouble for it. It is amazing what you can accomplish when you are open, honest, and respectful of kids as individual people.

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Sounds like maybe you didn’t trust her to begin with that made her feel like she needed to do things behind your back.

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So, bottom line? It still seems like you trusted the ex over your own daughter. The abusive, stalker -ex. She needs to know that you are firmly and unwaveringly on her side, regardless. She needs to be the one you get your info from, and she is the one you should be speaking with in a respectful, age-appropriate manner. She just got out of a relationship, also. Whether it was good/bad/indifferent, that’s a rough thing to go through, and she needs your support more than your punishments.

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Why didn’t y’all have his phone number blocked and also how old is she? Why even entertain him especially if he’s bitter y’all are :woman_facepalming:t2:

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If she’s 17 or over, I say it’s too late to shut that gate; once the horse is out. Punishing her on his behest will only make her resent you and learn to be more sneaky because being honest had no benefit.

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Def depends on age. Maybe an open and honest relationship with your daughter and she may trust you enough to tell you this stuff instead of hiding it .

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It real all depends on age but yes she lied but she did confess and also did she leave him because the relationship just wasn’t going in a healthy direction ? Did you ever think she thought to her self that this guy may just not be a good influence “staying weekends being with him when she shouldn’t”.

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Just unthinkable that you will believe and trust her ex then your own daughter, it’s not about trust because if you raise her right - you should trust her not a ex-- really if she doesn’t get her self into trouble while she was outside of the home , at least she came clean she could just not say anything but she did tell you ,
Now she knows no matter what she does or hangout with you WILL always believe everyone else , FYI ( REMEMBER SHE WILL BE 18 THEN WHAT SHE WILL HAVE SO MUCH HURT OVER THIS SHE MIGHT NOT LET YOU AND DAD IN HER PERSONAL ADULT LIFE— JUST UNREAL THAT YOU ACTUALLY LISTEN TO A EX - JUST SO WRONG

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It sounds like you are being real stupid-you may never get that trust back. Negate the fact that you took her EX into consideration….

Trust your parenting skills.

My mother and I have a very broken relationship that will never be retrieved for many a reason, starting with stupid shit like this. She WILL resent you, if she doesn’t already.

Its not about you. It’s about how your (presumably) teenage daughter and her very obviously immature and abusive/harassing ex boyfriend were going about things. Why are letting a stranger drive a wedge between you and your child??? Why is he so comfortable running his mouth about her to you of all people?!

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Trust is earned. Give her a set grounded or what it is in your house of not letting her go anywhere and then slowly but surely let her try to gain your trust back. Get the family 360 app or something like it that shows you locations. As my momma says “give her just enough rope to hang herself with” yes I know it’s not a great saying but it’s meaning is still true. If she’s gonna continue to lie to you and go places she isn’t then you’ll see quickly. Do surprise pop ups at practice or where ever. My mom’s policy was if she caught you lying the consequences were worse.

How old is she?
I have a young adult and I can agree the lying is a problem. You have to rebuild the trust. If you pay for her phone, now she gets the tracking app. It’ll take time. My son did something royally stupid at 17 & it took a while for me to trust him again.
Now, at 20, he’s a Marine. I don’t expect info on his every move but when they go to the beach, hours away, for a weekend or go on ski trips, he’ll shoot me a text “Hey mom, going ______. If I don’t text by Sunday 8pm, please call my NCOIC” :woman_shrugging: He doesn’t have to. But he gets that it’s not about being Nosey, accidents happen. He has zero tracking so I’d need to tell his NCO where to look. This behavior stemmed from one incident.
If you have serious trouble moving on & not holding it against her, family therapy.

Ex is using you as a way to punish her and your helping him.

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Wow imagine being this bad of a parent

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Wow, just wow. I think you need to be worrying about how you are going to prove to your daughter that she can trust y’all again. She’s being harassed by an old boyfriend and your question is how do we get trust back from our daughter not how do we help her !? This kinda behavior is the shit that gets women killed everyday and your worried about how do you trust her again? He did exactly what he wanted and weaponized her own parents against her and you fed right into it.
From my perspective your reaction showed her you picked his side and that he can harass her through you and get away with it and in the process built an even bigger wedge between you guys.

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Mom to Mom- she has had sex, she will again. I would first make an appointment for her with the gynecologist. Then sit her down and just talk with her. At this stage in her life, she needs to know that you are a safe place. You want her to call if she is ever in a situation where she isn’t supposed to be and things feel uncomfortable or dangerous. Trust is earned, but you need to put work in to mend that relationship.

You’re just pushing her to him. That’s what he wants, it’s her choice and you’ll be there for her no matter what.
It’s her life and you’ll push her away, that’s all.

I would block him. He is after revenge and showing his maturity level

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Allow open honesty but not a free reign. She can slowly start doing more and more and as she follows those guidelines she gets more and more freedom back. He’s also Doing this as revenge so his number should be blocked. By all

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Being on the end of sneaking around and doing things I shouldn’t when I was in school, getting upset at her and keeping her from doing so only will push her further away. At this point the punishment is useless because what happens is that you make your child think of other ways possible to sneak around. It then becomes what did you say when you “talked” to her and how you came about it. If it was just a bunch of yelling and getting after her rather than actually talking to her as an adult assuming she is a high school student then that bond right now is broken. Where there is a will there’s a way. You can put bars on the windows, take her phone away, you can pick her up from school…but being overbearing will make her even more sneakier and I’m sure that’s what you’d want to prevent. Be mindful that you were a teenager once and remember that times are different. I’ve talked to my niece often and given her advice and confided with me every challenge she had or questions and answered her truthfully. You’re not meant to be her friend and be honest that you’re disappointed she made decisions like that to show your authority but talk to her the risks and that you’d wish she would have come to you so that you’d be able to talk to her and even help her by taking her to the doctor if she felt she was ready to be sexually active and in a safe manner. Educate her. I’m not saying don’t punish her but you’re kind of late on the punishment for this one.

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So he’s getting revenge and trying to punish her and you’re helping him… like what? :flushed:

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Let’s start with age. That is key in this conversation. But I also want to note that overly strict parents create sneaky children. Forbidding her from having any type of social life isn’t going to solve the problem. It likely will bring on more problems. Start by having the conversations about why she felt she couldn’t be honest with you from the beginning. Sounds like she needs to learn to trust you as much as you need to trust her.

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Sounds like she needs to be writing in wondering how she can trust you again. That’s your daughter, and you’re taking her bitter ex’s aside over her? Sounds like what someone else said here, you didn’t trust her to begin with so she felt the need to go behind your back. This didn’t go quite how you expected it, did it. YATA

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have a location app on her phone

So you believe your Daughters bitter, toxic ex, who probably just wants revenge and may be lying. But even IF his being honest, why did she feel she had to lie to you ? And although not right, is pretty normal. Not unheard of to fib to your parents about where you are and to be with your gf/bf.

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