Not to mention, if he was helping her hide this from you, he’s just as untrustworthy as you are seeing her to be. Yet you are on his side. What?
9 Likes
So I’m the teenager who parents didn’t trust her. Not cause of her actions but because of the world…… I will tell you this, it’s only gonna get worse if you don’t repair your relationship asap. I wasn’t allowed to do after school activities because I was told at 16 I had to have a job, so when I wanted to explore and be a teenager, I waited till I “worked” or actually worked. I was having random people pick me up just to hang out cuz I wasn’t allowed to hang out with anyone. It then turned into me being a flat out hoe. Ima say it like it is! I’ll be 30 September, and I’ll admit I’m so glad I changed my ways and I get to see my 30th birthday
3 Likes
Trust is broken because you guys didnt give consent for her to do something with her own body? Obviously the boyfriend may not be good for her but i dont think she did anything wrong here.
1 Like
For one I would be ripping into her ex and contacting his parents as well and let them know if their son continues you will contact police. Second have your daughters back or she will hide things from you. I went through bad things when I was a kid into my teens and I kept it from my mom because I never felt she had my back and at times I could have died and it really made our relationship rough. I would hate to see your daughter feel alone as well. She needs guidance and understanding honesty
6 Likes
This boy intentionally told on her out of spite and you took the bait. She is a teen.
26 Likes
First ,block dude and not talk to him anymore period . Start with making sure she has condoms of her own and get her on birth control to make sure she is taking precautions to not get pregnant or get stds. Just talk with her openly and honestly and let her know that she doesn’t have to hide things from you all bc it’s important regarding her safety to know she is where she says she is and just create boundaries and rules but don’t be over strict bc either way she will do whatever and figure ways around to doing other things,atleast if you make sure she knows she can freely communicate with y’all without major or over dramatic repercussions then she may come to you next time instead of lying and hiding it and y’all will all have a better and trusting relationship as a family .
8 Likes
So she didn’t trust you to tell you the truth about her whereabouts and now you want her to earn your trust? How about you earn her trust first. Kids model the behaviours taught to them. You don’t respect them, they won’t respect you. You don’t show you are trustworthy, they won’t trust you. Your daughter is not the problem, she is still a child. You’re the adult, the work lies with you to repair this relationship. Model the behaviour you want to see in her.
22 Likes
Just try starting over from scratch. Try telling her what he said, but that you don’t care about that, you care about her and want her to heal from the situation with him and start your parent/daughter relationship over. Tell her you will start trust over but she has to do her part and that you only want what’s best and need her not to lie that you all can work things out and find solutions like adults as she is becoming a young adult.
1 Like
Facing sex for daughters is a very hard thing to do. It is a learning experience for us as well. What we must remember. Hormones are going to kick in. It’s called human. I believe it is ours to put up the façade but deep down we are fairly sure it is going to go however it goes… If we are a little bit too tight assed about it the lies will happen as well. Once again it happens. It is human. No matter how much you feel the trust has been broken; perhaps your shields were to high? Who knows? Do not let the Love be broken and it is time to face reality. She is sexually active. Deal with the reality of that above the broken trust and figure out how to continue the flow of Love.
I was bluffing and telling him I was already aware of her actions. No way I was giving that C UNext Tuesday any satisfaction of knowing I was upset.
2 Likes
First and far most he new too so he just as guilty as she is but he wants to make her life miserable witch is sad when they split he wants to cause her problems that’s not even love at all he should be held accountable as well he was in the wrong too what a jerk don’t be to hard on her we grow up make mistakes its not the end of the world
2 Likes
I’m going to say she’s the one who feels betrayed right now. He’s toxic abuser that she was smart enough to break away from and you side with him on some things from the past. I think you should be hugging your daughter and letting her know how proud you are of her for standing up against him.
21 Likes
I’d be worried she is in an abusive relationship and he is forcing her to do these things even msging your husband is a huge power move even if he isn’t abusing her he thinks he has way more pull and control and balls than he should have. This just all sounds off. Girls side and protect their abuser more times than not. Not saying she is being but what kind of boy goes to the daughters dad like that seems so controlling and like oh well they will believe me not you anyway
Im loving these comments
1 Like
Block his number and dont let him come between your family
4 Likes
What would you do Frank Salas
Trust is hard to get. Especially when it deals with kid(s) and parent(s). First of all you have to figure out is it your trust she needs or is it you that needs her trust…from her point it’s you need to trust her.
So she’s had sex. So most people back in the day was married and had kids before 18. She needs to trust you to do everything right for her and help her out to figure out what she can do before having you come in the middle. Just be her support system and don’t I mean don’t tell her she can’t do certain things. Give her limits of what but say you can’t do a Pacific thing.
We have all been young once. Nothing there too surprising. I had one daughter where I always knew where she was, the other fell into the wrong crowd and gave me hell. Let it go and just let her know that you understand and prefer to know where she really is. That dude is a piece of shit for what he did. It takes two to tango. He accomplished what he set out to do unfortunately.
But do you remember being a teenager?
4 Likes
You need to earn her trust first.
4 Likes
I’m almost 39 now with teenagers of my own but I’m telling you from experience if you’re too strict on your daughter she WILL continue to do all of the above behind your back. And the day she finds herself in a situation that she knows she shouldn’t have gotten herself into and she needs to call you … She won’t. Thank goodness I had a grown sister when it happened to me. I know it probably feels like the ladies commenting are saying just let your daughter do as she pleases. I don’t think they are at all tho. But loosen the reins. First… birth control… and don’t make her feel bad for it, it’s just time. Second, cut contact with her ex. He only wants to see her in trouble for his own gain. She’s putting him in the past, you need to as well. But if you “crack down” on her now instead of maybe sitting down and having a good talk (not talking down on) there’s a good chance you’re going to regret if in the future.
9 Likes
you did not say how old she is, if 16 or 17 yr it kind of up to her, make sure she has protection. The pass is kind of the pass so it kind of depends on if you love her, it is her life she has to live it the way she wants. All you can do is love her for her
How old is she? U left that part out
He is showing abusive and narcissistic behavior and you absolutely took the bait. Your daughter I am sure feels very violated right now.
7 Likes
Shit. Sounds like a regular teenager to me.wish that was the worst of my problems with mine. Lol.
Dang, how can she ever trust YOU again? She confessed everything, you should have just asked her these simple things before her boyfriend tried to damage your relationship. He’s not a good guy, she needs support.
12 Likes
Honestly, give her some grace and try to find a way to let her have more time with her partners in a way that’s safe and responsible so she doesn’t have to lie to you. Sex is a normal part of a healthy teenagers life but if they have to hide it from you it’s a lot easier for unsafe things to happen to them and for an unhealthy attitude towards sex to take shape in her.
First, protect her from ex, sounds like he is spiteful, narcissistic and potentially dangerous. Second, she is a teen and well we all did stupid stuff then…brains are mush filled with raging hormones and trying to figure out how life works, so cut her some slack and let her know you are there to love, support, teach and protect her. Then work on open communication with her, coming from you too and without anger. Blessings.
5 Likes
His intention was to cause strife between y’all and get her in trouble. Congrats, you gave him what he wanted. You allowed him to use you as a tool to control her.
Trust goes both ways. If you want to build trust back with your daughter, you have to first make her feel that you’re someone she can actually trust. And you kinda just failed that test in a really important moment, tbh. 
Punishing her for lying may feel appropriate, but it’s more likely to just reinforce her feelings of needing to lie to you in the future to protect herself (she’ll get better at it). She’s more likely to shut y’all out even harder. In this situation, coming together as a team, fully supporting her, not letting her harasser see/know that he has any power over her, having many conversations with her about what went wrong and how to make better choices in the future, reminding her that she is not her choices and you love her no matter what, figuring out why she felt she needed to lie to you and what you can do to make her feel more free to talk with you in the future, building healthier habits of open/honest communication, etc - these are ways to build trust right now on both sides.
You should also take her to a clinic to get tested, and I’d advise getting her on BC if she’s not already and grabbing some condoms. But the testing is important.
Isolating her from her friends rn may not be the best choice, either. Assuming her friends are good people who are not siding with her harasser, I’m sure she could really use some support. Sometimes you just need to cry everything out to your best friend.
24 Likes
Take care of your daughters well being first and foremost, have some important discussion with your daughter and make decisions from there. She should have a voice in the things she wants out of life.
1 Like
you explain to your daughter that no matter what she has done, you will not allow a bitter and abusive person to come between you… That under no circumstances, ever, is it ok for anyone to treat her this way and go about being mean and vindictive to her. You teach her self defense and self love, get her on birth control, explain safe sex and give her a pack of condoms. tell her you love her and hold her tight. good luck
The problem is not that you don’t trust her. The problem is that she doesn’t trust you enough to tell you things. There always needs to be an open line of communication.
7 Likes
This is exactly what her ex wanted…. It wasn’t a problem when she was with him but now it is ?? … yes she lied & she needs to be in trouble but don’t do it to a point where she won’t trust you anymore… communicate with her & tell her how to take care of herself… we were all that age doing things we weren’t supposed to be doing… we live & we learn from our Mistakes…
8 Likes
Try listening, really listening to your teenager. When I was a teen, my parents taught me morals by example and encouraged me to make good choices. They laid out the “if you do this or that, this could happen” but for the most part, I was able to make choices for myself… with their encouragement of course. My best friend wasn’t, her grandmother, she lived with, was very strict. I feel I was ready to make better choices for myself bc I had my parents guidance and my best friend made bad choices as she got older bc she never was able to make any choices while living at home.
2 Likes
Don’t trap her; she will just sneak out and become more defiant.
Take her to a gyn get her a woman’s check up and put her on birth control.
You cannot stop her from having sex because she will do it no matter what you say.
Make it an open dialogue and let her be honest with you.
Set boundaries of course but don’t make her feel like she needs to lie to you- that’s where the problem begins here. Not with her- with you.
1 Like
I might be alone here but by him sending her parents texts and revealing her secrets HE IS STILL HARASSING HER!! And why does he know where she is and who she is with? All red flags. He knew she lied back then why not talk to then so u could deal with it better? He is a psycho. Yes your daughter lied but most teens do. Talk to her and explain why its so dangerous and maybe show her stories of what teens go through that make the wrong choices and have no one there to safe them. Its not even always a boyfriend. Its friends too and thats why u must just never lie to your parents. But this guy is a threat to your daughter.
3 Likes
Talk to her about safe sex. Tell her the problem was the lies and that there needs to have effort on her part for her to gain your trust again. Also ask why she felt the need to lie. Kids lie less if they feel like they can openly communicate.
First thing is to forgive yourself for not knowing and forgive her for feeling like she had to be deceitful.
Open a forum for real talk and in a respectful manner on both sides.
Create new guidelines and boundaries for you both to grow on so trust can return.
It’s easy to throw out the “because I said so” but that constipates any future relationship where a child feels like they can come to you about anything.
Don’t listen just to respond, actually allow them to share life from their perspective. Just because we are parents doesn’t mean we are always right. Our children have emotions and thoughts as well.
What led to her feeling like she had to lie so much?! Explain to her the repercussions of those choices.
I raised my kids that for every action there is a reaction and it was up to them if it was going to be positive or negative…when making choices.
Best of everything to you and your family!
2 Likes
Shes a teenager, maybe try building a better communication ground. Know she is going to do stuff you are not going to approve of but let her feel like she has that safe place to talk and tell you everything. All you can do is let her be, she is going to go down that road no matter what restrictions or things you take away. But if she has been lieing she doesn’t not feel that you are her safe place anymore, gotta build that back! Understand she’s getting older, just gotta be a different parent now that you are ust to. She’s not little anymore.
3 Likes
If i was your daughter i would feel so betrayed and alone right now. Her abuser is still getting to her and has access to you? and you are all she has. Block him on all platforms and get a restraining order against him.
6 Likes
First thing, keep her safe from ex. Next now YOU have earn her trust. The reason you didn’t know any of this is because she didn’t trust you enough to not lie about it all.
8 Likes
You’re going to be lucky if she ever speaks to you when she gets older. It’s you who needs to earn trust back from her. You’re letting her abusive ex continue to control and abuse her through your judgement and punishment.
12 Likes
You need to give her a free space to come to you without conditions. In other words, tell her she can come to you as a mom for advice or she can come to you and say… I don’t need my mom right now, I need a friend, and you’ll be that for her. You might not like the things you hear, but the point is you’re not judging and responding out of your own emotions… you’re just listening and being her person. Young girl’s really need that…safety and no judgement.
With that said…you have to be consistent in your parenting with rules and expectations. She needs to know that breaking rules and sneaking around, won’t be tolerated and that if she’s going to be sexually active birth control is a must.
4 Likes
Definitely get her on birth control
3 Likes
How old is she? There needs to be a serious conversation about lying about where is is/going. If there was an accident or a dangerous situation you guys wouldn’t know where she is. Also the reverse if something happened to either of you her whereabouts would need to be known. I am a parent of teenagers and they tell me where they are going at all times. Sometimes they forget to call me when they get there but they always tell me when they are Leaving/on their way home. If they don’t they lose their phones. If you pay the bill turn her phone off! She will learn quickly to stop the lying.
He sounds like a jealous prick. Block his number. You don’t need any of that. Neither does your daughter. Also…is he even telling the truth?? He may be trying to sabotage any and everything he can. Don’t automatically trust him. Also how old is your daughter??
I would of grounded her also, she was probably going to go down the same path with new fella. Get her under control and make her work to earn your respect and trust back… you are in charge of creating and guiding a child into adulthood and to be a trustworthy person with morals and ethics… I praise you for taking parenting seriously… you love her and I’m sure want nothing but success in her life… kudos to you
3 Likes
Don’t give him what he wants.
Honestly you pick her up and drop her off every where. You can even ask the school to notify you about activities etc so you know. For a short time but you can’t control her
However y’all both have a trust issue, now that she’s opened that door it’s not gonna be easy for her to stop. At that age and the pressure of school and guys.
Like when my family found out what I was doing as a teen I was devastated and traumatized but my first time I didn’t realize that I was pressured into it so make sure that’s not a thing cause he sounds narcissistic
You know what you should do? Call his parents and tell them what they were doing because he was apart of all the lies to! Let that back fire on him.
Just wanted to let you know what your sons been doing with our daughter. My daughter did lie to me but your son said that he was having her over on weekends I never gave her permission and he knew that. So he was in on jt
HE is the problem. That is abusive manipulative behavior. See if your daughter is okay. Grosssssss😢
11 Likes
How can you trust her again? Really? This is your question? You should ask why she didn’t trust you to share any of this with you. She currently isn’t allowed anywhere. You have no idea what her ex has done to her. Seems he is pretty extreme to be calling & telling you all of this to get her in trouble-us he psycho? You even said she immediately confessed to you. Teens make mistakes . She is going thru young love break up. What has she said? Why don’t you try listening to your daughter? Because from where your daughter standing right now , her ex called you to get her in a huge amount of trouble and that was accomplished …so who’s side do you seem like you are on right now …your own daughter or her ex ? Who is going out of his way to try to get her into trouble and probably won’t quit and you are doing nothing but feeding into him. If the ex can get things like this accomplished at home w/the parents, then what’s next? Hope he doesn’t have anything on her to get in trouble at school.
Be the parents that were there for her. Not the parents that grounded her for ages bc a nasty ex called and told mommy & daddy stuff they didn’t know bc he didn’t get what he wants. …
12 Likes
If I was your teen, I would feel very betrayed by you as parents. Obviously she felt the need to hid things from you FOR THIS EXACT REASON. Because of your over the top reaction. Try seeing your teen as a person instead of a child and I bet 99 of your issues clear up. Block the ex, and for the love of god, let her be a responsible teenager— not one who feels like she has to sneak around behind your backs because of the way you react to things.
You want your kids to think “I gotta call my parents” and not “omg what am I gonna do if my parents find out”. You guys are not her safe space, do better
7 Likes
Unpopular opinion imcoming… I think you should do nothing. I think you should tell her to please just tell you the truth of where she is going from now on, for safety reasons, and tell her to please stay safe. Also contraception. If you are too strict right now in this moment, she will do alot worse to spite. I know I did when I was a teen
24 Likes
How old is your daughter ? Id have a chat about keeping herself safe, make sure she’s taking precautions against pregnancy. Talk to her about being honest with you as to where she is for her own safety and contact the police about her ex stalking her.
You both need to work on building trust for each other again . The fact thats shes not open with you means she doesn’t trust you…
1 Like
Ok first all She obviously doesnt feel like she can trust You or Dad. You need to have open conversations and make it clear she can come to either of you no matter what. The Ex is a little scary…he was all ok with her lying and such when he was in the picture now that hes out and she has put him in her past. That’s where he needs to stay. Good for her to realize how toxic he was and that she’s done with him…now you and Dad need to be done. He totally used two to still be in control over her. Dont take the bait. Take her and get her on Birth Control. All 3 of you need to sit down and talk. The more you talk and have open communication the more she will feel comfortable to come with you guys about everything. This could go very badly if she has no where to turn and no one to talk to. You are her mom… Make sure she is well aware. You are there and present and always in her corner and that if anything comes up she can come and talk about it.
5 Likes
Stop taking calls from her ex!
9 Likes
Ex’s lie 1st OFF cuz they mad they are the EX. And 2nd you need to be there for her. If you make you kids lie to you they will. If your too strict and not approachable then they don’t come to you.
4 Likes
Oh god. All of you need therapy.
7 Likes
Your question really should be how can you get your daughter to trust you. Work on your relationship with her instead of taking away her freedom.
8 Likes
Since there is no AGE listed, it’s hard to advise, 13, 14, year Olds should be treated differently than 16, 17 year Olds. YOU and your husband should decide age appropriate punishment. Tell her you want to meet current boyfriend, unless she’s under 16, then lock her at home and escort her everywhere, and no boyfriend!!!
1 Like
If under 16 get her on birth control and leave the door open for talking do not punish her. If over 16 there’s no trust to get back she is a grown person at 16m
5 Likes
Smh . Wow . I would NEVER treat my daughter this way. What the hell man! You believe her crazy, toxic, lying ass ex who’s probably saying all those things cause he’s pissed they’re not together . All children lie to their parents even if it’s small lies. & how old is your daughter? My first red flag is why is he messaging y’all and stalking/harassing her! He sounds crazy as hell. I would’ve just sat down and talked to my daughter and ask about this guy/ex and the convo may be intrusive but that guy sounds loopy and I’d be protecting my child from him .
As an outsider looking in, my first thing would be to block the ex from both of your phones. He has no business going out of his way to stir the pot because he is bitter your daughter doesn’t want to be with him. Secondly, I would build a better communication system with your daughter. I don’t know how you and your husband are with her but there’s a reason she did not come to either of you once becoming sexually active or anything like that. There’s a reason she hid what she did from you guys whether it is because she would be in trouble for becoming sexually active, being with her (now ex) boyfriend, etc. It is clear through the past lying, she did not feel comfortable or safe enough to come to you or her dad with what was going on. Punishing her for those mistakes that have already happened and in the past may be a bit much - especially considering that she confessed and didn’t lie about it or try to hide it at this point. Rather than punishing her, I would have an open discussion with her on she can come to you or her dad with anything - even if it might be uncomfortable or “awkward”. My mom used to have conversations with my sisters and I. They were, and are still called, Safe Zones. During a Safe Zone, you do not get in trouble or yelled at. Safe Zones are “safe zones” and do not leave the safe zone conversation. These Safe Zones are built on communication and you do not have to be scared to have a conversation about whatever topic is going on. Safe Zones have had a lasting impression on us and I know I will be having Safe Zones with my daughter when she gets older and my future children. We actually had a Safe Zone with my mom when we told her the youngest one of us kids was pregnant when she was 16. After witnessing and having that experience of having someone so close, and in my house, become pregnant as a teen in high school - I will always, always, always advocate for a safe environment for sex-related conversations between teens and their parents (or another close, trusted adult).
I would not necessarily push birth control on her like some other comments have suggested. Birth control can truly mess with your emotionally, mentally, and physically. Of course you should provide her with all the proper information and the different forms of birth controls and she can make that decision. I do recommend speaking to her about safe sex, protection methods (withdrawal, condoms, birth control, etc). If she needs condoms, buy her some condoms. If she needs/wants to learn how to put a condom on (regardless that she’s the girl), teach her. You can teach her using a banana. If she wants birth control, take her to get birth control. I would be sure to make sure that she knows that if she does not feel comfortable sexually engaging with someone she does not have to. No means no. I would also just mention the potential” risks” of being sexually active - pregnancy, STDs/STIs, as well as there can be impacts on her women’s health regardless. I know when most people read this they will automatically think teen pregnancy - BUT there are so many other important avenues that also need to be recognized. I would definitely not punish her or make her feel ashamed for being sexually active either. Make sure she knows that it is normal and she should not be ashamed either. It’s normal for teenagers to engage in. Hell… it’s NORMAL for humans.
As far as trust goes, trust needs be earned back both ways. She doesn’t just need to earn you and her fathers trust back but trust also needs to be built from you & your husband, too. Besides the open communication conversation that I recommend, I’d say to not punish her and not allow her to do things. I would still ask her where and who she will be going with. I would respectfully ask her to check in occasionally when she’s away from home. Check in when she’s going somewhere and when she’s made it there. Be open to her seeing her new boyfriend - you don’t want her to feel like she can’t and isn’t allowed to see her new boyfriend. You could also have her put Life360 or another safety location app on her phone so you and your husband could keep tabs on her location (which is also a good safety measure in general).
At the end of the day, creating a relationship that has a solid foundation with communication would be the biggest priority. Trust and respect will come along with that as well! Also make sure that she KNOWS that you and her dad love her.
I think you should start being a mom, and checking in!
Please have another talk with her. Set some ground rules and decide on on a code for texts or calls. Where you offer to pick her up no matter where or what time or who she is with. If she goes against the rules dont yell or get upset and then the next day sit her down and llet her decide what she thinks reasonable punishment should be. Believe me in high school she may throw a fit about rules but stand your ground. We did and now my daughter has told us it was the best thing we ever did. After the age of 15 she no longer spent the night. She could stay late but we would still pick her up. If she was driving we would sit down and decide on a reasonable time for her to be home. If she was running late to call tell us where she was at and when we could expect her. If she was to be at a friends house we checked in with the parents. The friends parents had an understanding that everyone comes and goes thru the front door so they knew when they left.
3 Likes
You need to work on getting her to trust you. Her boyfriend is behaving abusively and you are more focused on how this has made you feel instead of addressing your child’s emotional needs.
13 Likes
I was that teen. I got pregnant 3 months before graduating high school. I learned that I had to lean on my parents for support, and they accepted that I was going to do what all teenagers do which was to make my own mistakes & learn from them. If she’s hiding things, it’s because she knows that you won’t allow her to do them but it’s things she wants to do. And from the sound of it, it doesn’t sound like you had much trust with her to begin with. You have to have The Talk with her, allow her to hang out with a boyfriend, and let her enjoy life now because once she gets out into the real world, it’ll make her miss what she had when she lived with her parents. She’ll see one day.
2 Likes
We also put tracking on her phone and would check the phone numbers as to who what and what time texts and calls were made. Also my daughter now has made her son put his phone on the charger next to them at night and not in his room. Also if they play video games you will need to remove those from room as they use those for conversation with friends as well as tablets laptops and computers.
2 Likes
If a guy is harassing your kid, put a stop to it? That is most important. Legally. Is the first step. Personally, I would start scoping him out. Private investigation style. Maybe whoop the lights outta him, if necessary… 
Teenagers lie, that is a given. Open door policy. You can’t stop her from being sexually active. Her body her choice. Educate, make birth control very accessible, instead.
2 Likes
How can you earn HER trust is the question. She’s a teenager LOL talk to your kid about being sexually active not punish her for having a boyfriend etc. She’ll only hide it from you even more… common sense
9 Likes
The real question is how do you gain her trust. You obviously created an environment where she didn’t feel safe to talk to you. Work on that first.
12 Likes
I think you should of had more trust in the first place for her to come to you and tell you what was going on and that she was sexually active…… I don’t think she should be punished, I think you should get her protection and start learning to communicate better as mother and daughter……
5 Likes
This really is normal teenage stuff, you discipline, make sure she really LEARNS the lesson before caving, nothing physical either. If this broke your trust like that you probably have many more shocks coming your way. She’s a child, she’s learning, just be a parent. I agree with many others. Why did she feel she couldn’t tell you guys to begin with? My kids and I have these talks already and they’re probably a bit younger than your teen.
She definitely needs a consequence for this action. This is a normal thing a lot of teenagers do but it’s usually because, like person above me said, she wants to and knows you won’t let her. That tends to come from households with strict, overbearing parents. I say definitely give her a consequence such as grounding for a month or whatever. But sit down and have a conversation with her about AFTER the consequence. Y’all have to trust each other and y’all don’t. You need to loosen up a bit or she will continue to rebel, and I promise you, y’all will not have a relationship when she becomes an adult. She will move out and not look back. So loosen up the reins a bit mom. Meet her bf. Give her time to hang with him too. Talk to her about loosening the Reins and come to a compromise in y’all’s rules where y’all will both feel like y’all are being respected and trusted.
Also, on the sex, kids will do it. We can prevent it as long as possible, but it’s nothing she should be shamed or punished for. It’s a normal human thing. Yes, even between older teens. Just talk to her about safe sex. Get her on birth control.
There’s no going back but you can teach her to be safe about it and have protection. Show her you trust her to be responsible with sex. Because otherwise, she’ll do it behind your back, and might not be as safe.
When you strict parent, you aren’t allowing trust in the kid. She could sense it and knew it and that is why she snuck around. The trust wasn’t there to be broken. So both of you build y’all’s trust together. So she will come to you and confide in you instead of lying and sneaking.
Good luck mama 
Why are you taking her manipulative narcissistic ex’s words and applying them to your relationship with your daughter? Jesus what if he was the one that taught her to do that? What I he used things like that to manipulate her?
You’re focused on the wrong shit here, friend. Your daughter needs a safe space to regain her independence and confidence to avoid being with someone that will mentally and emotionally abuse her like it looks like he has been
I’m assuming this is your only child. But I also know you were teenagers at one point. Did you tell your parents everything?? They are kids… they are going to keep some secrets from you, but if you have a my door is always open, my ears are always listening and my mouth will only speak advice because you love her and want her safe those secrets won’t be many. It’s not a punishment thing unless you actually caught her. Lastly… you trust this crazy ex of hers when he was keeping those same secrets from you until he was scorned. Just listen ton your daughter
1 Like
The real question is why doesn’t your daughter trust you to tell you things. If she’s hiding things that means she’s afraid to be honest and open with you. You both need to find common ground and be able to trust EACHOTHER
1 Like
You haven’t stated her age? If she’s 13 that’s a lot different than 17 and would have different advice
3 Likes
You got got…do you not see that her ex manipulated the situation to get her into trouble…and you let him…reinforcing the fact that she can’t come to you when she should. What she did is minimal compared to what he accomplished
17 Likes
Block delete ignore. This is narcissistic behavior 101, straight up triangulation. He’s using y’all to continue harassment of daughter on the pretense of caring and concern. This is actual domestic violence because it’s stalking.
18 Likes
The first question is how old is she? You never stated that. More context.
12 Likes
Out of the bitter mouth of a bitter ex… boyfriend…comes bitterness…if he can’t shut down your daughter…his sure has rocked your world…it was all fun and games when your daughter ran off with him for the weekend or a night…I’m sure there was alot of pressure put on your daughter by this ex boyfriend to do all this things…more then likely his the one who fuled the fire to being with…just be thankful his gone…
11 Likes
The daughter is not in trouble for what she did. She’s in trouble for lying about it. I don’t know how or when I’d trust her.
3 Likes
If she trusted you guys she would have told you about it in the first place, so I think it’s what you need to do to gain her trust and not the other way around.
7 Likes
I can’t believe you are worried about you trusting her again when it was you who broke that trust in the first place by listening to her ex snitch on everything she was doing .and he got a exactly what he wanted .
10 Likes
Really need the age to give advice but I feel like this is a really good opportunity to have a better relationship with your daughter. Have a sex talk with her and let her know the importance of knowing her whereabouts for safety reasons NOT to control her.
Not much you can do at this point. She’s enjoyed all the sweet things this life has to offer, just like you have.The trust is gone, you never get that back.
2 Likes
Regardless where the info came from the problem is that she lied and should not be trusted at all.
3 Likes
Well, first of all, how old is she? Second, she really isn’t doing anything any other normal teen hasn’t done or is doing. Third, the ex-boyfriend sounds like a loose cannon if he’s so quick to run and snitch to her parents about something she was doing with him!
13 Likes
I did the same thing when I was a teenager. You need to talk to her about WHY she felt the need to lie to you. You need to be open to what she says and discuss it with her. Come with a solution together on how to trust each other moving forward. If you come at her with only judgement nothing will change.
10 Likes
Since her ex was in such a sharing mood, did you contact his parents to see why they let your MINOR daughter spend the weekend at their house? TBH it’s kinda hard to tell you how to gain trust back with YOUR child. Since the cat is already out of the bag, all you can do is keep the lines of communication open. Since she admitted to having sex, take her to a gyn and have her tested for STDs. I would also have her put on birth control and stress the importance of wearing condoms. I would also make it a rule that you guys meet any boy that she decides to go out with. Good luck
Your daughter needs to trust you in order to tell you things. Why don’t she trust you? Do you yell at her? Bash her? When she tries telling you something? How old is she? Don’t get mad or upset at her at all because then she won’t trust you to tell you things. Talk to her calmly, about safe sex, about why she can’t lie and say she’s with so and so when she isn’t incase of emergencies. If she’s at least 15 let her have freedom, let her be with boyfriend (if she gets another), take them to the movies so they can go on dates but don’t hover over them, give them space. I think she needs to earn trust with you more than you need trust with her. It’s not a bad thing that she did, I did this exact same thing because my parents would always bash me, always yell at me when I wanted to trust them or just ignore my feelings, and etc. she’s growing up and trying to find herself and doesn’t need a mom or dad hovering over her from keeping her from doing so, don’t be so judgmental and don’t jump down her throat when she does confide in you, instead talk to her calmly about the bad and the good of the situation and let her make her own choice and still love her for being HER.
You gotta reapply forgive and move on we all did it as kids honestly. Kid and children are gonna do stuff. Lol she’s a teenager.
So, you weren’t teenagers?
Maybe if you had talked to the parents of the friends she was supposed to be with maybe a lot of this could have been avoided. You are mad she lied but you never took the time to say “hey mr and mrs so and so. It’s blah blah mother, just making sure it’s alright that blah blah stays there this weekend” I was always in contact with parents if my children were at their houses. Communication is key.
11 Likes
I don’t care how much “trust” is between yourself and your children, they will still always lie about something. It has nothing to do with your relationship, she’s a kid. Keep an eye on her and double down on making sure she’s where she’s suppose to be.
15 Likes
Trust her to be a teenager who is now sexually active.
3 Likes
Sour grapes …i am pretty sure hes dangerous and a no contact order might be in order
We where all young once ,I’d have my daughters back over that boyfriend that just manipulated you too get her into trouble. Be her support and just say next time tell us build a trust with her so she can tell you everything…what’s done is done move on from it
18 Likes
Punish for lying, but not being a teenager. I’d sit her down and have a really embarrassing sex talk as a punishment 
but no for real, that’s all pretty normal and I would just make sure she is being safe and maybe ask, if she isn’t already, if she wants you to take her to get birth control. Also this all also depends on her age as well, it’s one thing if she’s like 16, another if she’s 13.
To be perfectly honest you’re probably too restrictive and there is no helpful advice you’d be open to. You’re using control to parent instead of communication and knowledge, so I honestly don’t see anything getting better unless you’re willing to see a family therapist to figure out what went wrong between you. Grounding her and putting more restrictions on her isn’t going to do anything but inflame the problem. You gotta figure out what caused your relationship to be this way, and you’ve gotta be open to doing things you don’t like or aren’t comfortable with to fix it.
10 Likes
Don’t be too hard on her about the past. He COMPLETELY broke her trust by telling you all of that out of anger. That is shady af!
3 Likes