Why is she hiding the new bf?
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I did the same thing when I was younger. Why? Because my parents tried to control my every single move. I was in jail in my own home. So, instead of “working,” I snuck out to places that were more of a haven to me, with friends and their parents who treated me with dignity.
I would take a step back and really reflect on why she wouldn’t trust you enough to confide in you. It’s important that at this age, we advise our children and then allow them the independence to choose what to do and face their consequences - being overbearing is only going to lead to acting out, sneaking, and rebelling.
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How old is she? I’m not sure punishment for being sexually active is validated. Talk to her mama. Be there for her. She lied to you, so yes ground her tell her how hurt and upset that makes you feel, but don’t make her feel wrong for having sex.
Sounds like you should move to a new place.
Sit down and listen to her a bit. Explain everything about healthy and toxic relationships an show her what red flags to look for. Get her on birth control asap explain everything about intercourse and emergency pills. Lastly explain that she definitely broke your trust in her and ask why she did it. An get a tracking device or app
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How old is she? Is she responsible? I need more context. I’m not saying let your child just do what she want but the more you pull on the ranes the more she is going to pull back and eventually they will brake and you will loose your child! Instead of punishing her bc her ex is toxic maybe talk to her take her to the obgyn to get put on birth control and tell her it’s not okay that she lied about where she was bc if somthing happened you wouldn’t have a clue where she was! But she is going to do what she wants no matter what you guys do or think your doing she will find a way to do what she wants!
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He now wants to rat her out. What a jerk!! I would definitely open up communication with her. Spend time with her and get to know your daughter. I would put a plan in place for birth control as soon as possible. Grounding her is just going to push her further away. Teenage years are rough. 0 I would definitely work on a relationship with your girl. It’s so very important!! If you can’t communicate, find someone to walk you through it. One of best things I did for my own relationship with my girl. 
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Trust is EARNED…not GIVEN. Kids lie because if they ask they know answer is no…had she said I’m staying with a guy, parents would encourage it? No…so they lie. Thats on her…not parents.
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Hum. Sounds like normal teenager stuff. Get her on birth control. Shot or IUD.
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I’m the only daughter of a military man, so when I say “he’s protective”, that’s an understatement. I hid most of my boyfriends from him as well as a lot of rebellious behavior as a teen, like drinking, smoking, sneaking out of the house, etc. My advice is to have a honest and open conversation with her, and take her to a OBGYN for birth control. You’re not going to stop her, so the best thing you can do, is be there for her when she needs you and give non-biased, thought through advice when she asks and when you can. Teenagers have it hard these days with social media and beauty and intelligence standards. Don’t just go straight to discipline, you were their age once, how would you have wanted your parents to help you?
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If your so worried about where she is going ,meet her friends mothers and get their phone numbers, tell her she needs to earn your trust back and you will be ringing to make sure she is where she said she would be , please don’t stop her from having her friends over while she is grounded, you will push her away from you ,and remember you were her age once to ,remember how you felt,also tell her to talk to you and don’t react to things you don’t like ,listen to her ,then give her reasons why she shouldn’t be doing this or that ,my mum told me I f I lied or wag school ,if something bad happen ,they wouldn’t know where to find me ,that made me stop, but I was lucky my mum listen to me
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Please re consider your parenting choices in this whole situation. I kno you think punishing her and being that strict is gunna help her in the future but this is giving her more reason to be sneaky. And AFTER he called to rat her out …. Come on. Go give that kid a big hug have a HUGE talk about stds, sex, pregnancy , birth control and everything in between and take off the punishments. This will be a learning curve for all of you
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How old is your daughter. Unfortunately many girls, especially early teens are easily influenced. Give her time to earn your trust. Set limits that need to be followed. Have her FaceTime you instead of calling so you can see where she is. But don’t hold on too strong or long, let her prove she can be trusted.
Being a new mom my perspective on things have totally changed. but when I was a horrible lieing Conniving teenager my mom tried to be very strict but it honestly just pushed me away and I started to hate being home. I think if my mom would have been more understanding and actually listened to me I would have been more open and I would have wanted to stay home more. Also I’m going to show my daughter all the scary fucked up things that can happen to women who put themselves in dangerous situations. Like she’s going to watch all the abduction and human trafficking and women who get murdered by there partner that they believed they loved them.
You can’t control a teenager even if you have the best intentions for your kid. I’m just giving my experience from when I was a teenager almost 7 years ago now. I really hope everything works out for your family 
Honestly mama did you not do things your parents wouldn’t have liked? I think start clean. Tell her about safe sex. Give her room to be honest with you from here on out. Ask her to just be truthful this time around and try to give her that leeway.
Track her location. Protect your kids and don’t let them go off for whole weekends.
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You cant stop her so instead be there for her and guide her to make safe and healthy decisions.
Take her to an OBGYN since she’s sexually active, see about getting birth control. Have honest and open conversations about safe sex practices. Have talks about healthy and toxic relationships. Instead of worrying about punishing her, put that effort and energy into supporting her and guiding her through these incredibly hormonal and confusing teenage years.
at this point in time just pretend u didn’t read any of it. He is a bitter ex and life goes on… unless y’all didn’t try any of that. The other day my 5 year old told me a lie I told my mum when I was younger. I had to keep a straight face and not call his bull:rofl: but then I realized my mum had to do the same. Unless u didn’t do any of it go ahead and be high but if you know practice ran late:woozy_face:
well it ran late. Just have a conversation with her about safety etc and don’t throw a pity party
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How old is ya daughter…
Not enough information. How old is your daughter? Although, I know that teenage years can be tough, maybe she doesn’t have trust in you! Since you are talking to and believing everything her ex is saying, that might have broken her trust in you - her parents. How about talk to your daughter instead of her ex! Maybe you guys need better communication with each other, and need to work on your relationship. Then maybe you can learn to trust each other! Also, it’s very important that you tell her that no matter what, she can always come to you or call you for help. Let her know that no matter what, you will always be there for her!
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Wow! Yeah, I can see exactly why she wasn’t honest with you. Look how you’ve treated her when she’s actively being stalked and harassed by a bitter ex boyfriend. You’re literally taking the side of a bitter ex who’s stalking and harassing your own child that he’s actively abusing and you’re enabling his behavior and condoning and encouraging it. You clearly haven’t stopped to think about or have failed to think about exactly who’s telling you all these transgressions you’re so angry about, which is someone who actively participated and probably encouraged or coerced her to hide and lie to you in the first place, because he was involved in the lies she told to you and he sure didn’t come forward when she was lying and sneaking around before now did he? Someone who’s showing extremely abusive behavior which is all signs of dangerous, if not narcissistic behavior/abuse- controlling, manipulative, punishing, sneaky, conniving, harassing stalking…
Give your head a shake!
Yes, kids need boundaries and consequences if they’ve done wrong, but you should NEVER actively choose to side with an abuser of your child. Period! You’re literally helping him abuse her and traumatize her for him! No wonder she wasn’t honest with you and didn’t come and talk to you and be honest with you. You seem to act like this boy’s innocent and just doing you a good deed and favor. You did the dirty work for him. Congratulations! I can’t imagine how betrayed and alone your daughter feels right now. Instead of being angry and wanting to punish her, how about find out why she felt the need to lie and sneak in the first place. I’d start with the mirror though and how you’ve chosen an abuser over your own child and ask your own self why you’d actively participate in helping him hurt and traumatize her. How about put the anger away and remember back to when you were a teenager and wanted to do something and was told no, or you snuck and did something you knew your parents wouldn’t approve of? Most of us have, no matter how minor or insignificant it was in the grand scheme of things. Nobody’s that perfect, especially a teenager. How about sit down and have a good heart to heart with your daughter and apologize for acting like she’s the only kid who’s ever lied, snuck around, or had sex, and really talk to her. You need to really work on your relationship with her to find out why she lied, why she snuck around, and why she felt she couldn’t come to you about sex either. You also need to take her to get tested and get her on some type of birth control and especially if she doesn’t have better and healthier boundaries with people she’s in a relationship with that she’d go as far as lying to her parents to sneak around and have sex with them. Then work on building the trust between you two so that she feels comfortable coming to you with anything, and you also need to give her some freedom too. You’re not raising a child. You’re raising her to be an adult and make good choices, and with that comes the risks of giving trust and freedom to make smart choices and good decisions, and to always feel comfortable enough to be honest with you so she doesn’t end up in situations like this. She’s not a little baby anymore. She’s only a short moment in time away from being an adult. You talk to her. You guide her. You love her. Even when you’re upset with her choices. Continue on the path you’re on now, and I can guarantee you that you’ll push her away and alienate her and you’ll never have a good or close relationship with her, and she’ll likely go from one abusive relationship to the other trying to fill that void of not being or feeling loved enough, unworthy, and she’ll look for it anywhere she can get it. Is that really what you want for her? To know she’s out there somewhere with someone who’s likely abusing her and mistreating her and knowing she can’t and won’t come to you, because you’ll just side with them and help her abuser punish her more? She screwed up and made some stupid choices because she’s young and dumb. We all were at some point. Forgive and move past, and stop taking her abuser’s word and side. She was ultimately honest which means she felt bad about it, but now is the time to find out why. I’m betting you’ll get an eye opener. Then you set some rules and expectations and tell her that she will have consequences if she breaks the rules, because the rules are for her safety because you love her and want to protect her. But please stop choosing her abusive, bitter ex over your own child. Right now! Tell him to knock it off or you’ll press charges on him for the harassment and stalking, and do exactly that if he doesn’t stop. Back it up and mean it! But keep this up and don’t be shocked that she rebels even harder and worse and in more dangerous ways. Good luck, because you’re going to need it.
How old is she? If over the age of consent, then why is her having a sexual relationship an issue? If below the age of consent, then why is her lying to you a bigger issue than her ex committing statutory rape?
Why did she not trust you to be honest with you in the first place? Why are you allowing this piece of s**t ex-boyfriend drive a wedge between you and your daughter?
I get she broke your trust but kids do all I did with mine was sit down with them and explain why I was upset/disappointed with their actions and point out the dangers that they could or have put themselves in and just be honest with with me I might not like what I hear but at least we could discuss it just tell her for the time been u will be randomly checking on her draw a line under it tell her it’s a fresh start
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God forgives. Were human. Patience. Dont make her feel like an outcast. Maybe family counseling. I remember doing things like that. Everyone is different.
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seems like your relationship and communication issue was well damaged before you probably came in guns blazing in attack mode based on what the abusive ex said to you 
sounds like she can’t trust you lot either. I suggest speaking with a family counsellor.
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The new rules would be friends have to come to your house to hangout now. All friends. Period. And that will give you some time to build trust again and also get to know her friends and their moms and lay out a future long term plan for when she can leave the house.
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So… you guys did all read that she fessed right up, right? Punishment is deserved as well as counseling. Spend more time with her, mom time, dad time and all together. Open her up and get her to let her guard down. Just talk.
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As a mom of 3 girls I am scared 
. I was a TERRIBLE pre-teen/teen and I fear that I try to be their friend, more so than parent. & this is due to, I had an overbearing protective family and I ran wild… every chance I got. Just be open and honest. You can’t afford to do anything less in this world we’re in today. I talk to my kids about sex, money, life, real world problems. They tell me almost anything and the things they don’t, I just know. App trackers. Know the parents of the friends and contact them. To much freedom does often lead to this but what you want to do is allow them their freedom, yet be on the side really not giving them much of it, if that makes sense.
You said she immediately confessed to her actions…. Looks like she’s ready to start building trust back. And just rein in her freedoms. Looks like you need to be picking up and dropping off at school. Looks like you need to check up on her when she says she’ll be at certain places.
Sounds like a 7th Heaven episode 
I’d punish her on the grounds she lied but otherwise screw that little punk. She needs a therapist before those seeds of abuse set in. Maybe consider having her send your her location for awhile when she goes places. Not a tracker on her phone cause kids bypass those when they want to. But voluntary admission of what she’s doing makes it better. It’s about safety not control, my kid learned that one time and now she’s honest. We literally cannot stop teenagers, they will find a way. I’m only 33 I would know
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Put her on birth control and keep the same rules. Just check on her in a different way. The least you can do is prevent teen pregnancy. I think most girls do this. I know I did and so did my friends.
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Put a tracking app on her cell phone. Tell her that it must be kept on at all times in order to earn back trust. This way you will know where she is at all times.
I think the best thing for her is to get on the pull so she doesn’t get pregnant. That’s another bad mistake your daughter would do. Your not bad parents and she’s not a bad daughter. Maybe her joining some church activities would help her. I will pray for her and for you as well
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Anyone know how old the daughter is?
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What would worry me is how much information he seems to have. That is stalking. He needs to move on.
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Seriously - ask her what she thinks the next step should be… You might be pleasantly surprised -
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Wow you let the ex manipulate the whole situation. This is dangerous
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You need to be straight up and talk to her about safe sex. She will do whatever she wants whether you like it or not. You need to be willing to listen with no judgment. If she can’t come to you for small things she will never come to you for big things. A lot of the times it’s what can we offer for them to do different, but we should be asking what can WE do to make it a better situation/outcome for our kids.
If my daughter is broken up with him, and it’s over between them, then that relationship is over between him and me as well. You shouldn’t be texting with him and letting him purposefully cause her turmoil, REGARDLESS. Stop conspiring with her ex. That doesn’t foster trust in your relationship with your child at all. You need to rebuild your trust with your daughter, and her with you…and THIS ISNT HOW YOU DO IT.
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I would explain that for safety purposes, you need to know where she is. Keep location on 
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Talk to her about building back trust by telling her the truth is more important than any thing else. If you don’t know where she is,how would you find her if she dissappeared.
Seems more could have been done in terms of being involved with her comings and goings.
Ask yourself why she didn’t trust you enough to talk to you about all of this. Why she felt she couldn’t come and talk to you about becoming sexually active, about wanting to spend time with her boyfriend. Why did she feel she needed to hide all of that from you. Trust is a two way street, you feel she broke your trust but you should be really questioning why she never trusted you with all of these important things that EVERY teenager goes through.
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talk calmly with her and ask her to tell the truth moving forward, but that means you can’t get upset when she does. You need to just let her grow up knowing that you and her father support her. Teenagers are hard, but talking with her about issues without getting mad or emotional is the best way to get back on track. She obviously had a reason to lie, maybe she felt that you would not support her or couldn’t trust you to tell you the truth.
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Put her on Birth Control.
No big deal for us.
All I really did was stress for her to buy a house and not rent.
You eventually are going to have to let her go on her own and believe me, this is going to happen quickly!!
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She’s a kid, it’s normal to lie to your parents about that. If she has always come home safe/healthy and school isn’t effected then she’s just being a normal kid. Also fuck that guy who she broke up with. He’s going to grow up to be an abuser of some form….don’t take his side, you CAN trust your daughter!
He’s clearly manipulated her and you. Maybe use this as a teaching moment on how to spot red flags and manipulation from a boy.
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Would help to know how old she is. Stop talking/texting ex. Talk to her without judgment or punishment. Give her your honest feelings. Take her to doctor for complete physical, including PAP test and get her on some kind of birth control, let her participate in decision making. Emphasize it doesnt mean she can be sexually active but will prevent pregnancy. Give her a box of condoms and explain the std risk. After all of this, start building her up. Find things she excels at. She needs to find alternative interests. Good Luck!
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birth control, location tracker, block the exs number (???). i mean she did confess, so maybe dont punish her for being a teenager with a boyfriend?
Little by little givee her a little rope and see if she hangs her self
Why are you listening to him? I mean seriously he’s clearly manipulating the situation on purpose! Talk to her! And quite talking to him!