My brother is 14 and has autism. He’s putting great stress on my mam as he’s refusing to bath, shower or keep up any form of basic hygiene. He doesn’t even get his hair cut. He is on the lower spectrum and can function like everybody else, but just has minor set backs like not being able to eat in front of people. he used to do all these things before but as he approached his teenage years it changed. My mam is embarrassed to leave the house with him and is fearful of social services getting involved as he looks bad and smells. She can’t force him in the bath as he’s taller than both of us now and he’s a teenager. We really don’t know what to do, when he went to hospital last night for something unrelated the nurse wrote down that his hair was greasy and he smelled. We bought him linx, dry body wash as well as shampoo and wipes but nothing works. My mams tried approaching him nicely and harshly and neither have worked. He knows he smells and says he’s depressed, but we don’t know what to do. we can’t just leave him in his room all day being filthy. We love him but are out of options on how to help him. It feels like we have tried EVERYTHING, bribery, taking his things away from him, begging him, even offering him a day out to do anything he wants but nothing works. Please help! x
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to get a teen with Autism to take a shower?
Is he on anti depressants or go to counseling? Maybe start there!
He said he’s depressed. Not bathing is a symptom of depression. Are steps being made for him to see a therapist? Has he seen his primary care provider? They can prescribe something to help with the depression as well.
Is there a man in his life who could talk to him? I don’t know if it would help but it might be something you could try.
Let him know long ago my nephew wouldn’t shower he ended up in the hospital because his thingy turned black and it was just horrible.
Does he have a therapist?
it’s a sensory issue. my son will b 11 and is on the spectrum . my biggest thing is - he hates to shower. i found out through therapy that he doesn’t like the water hittin his body. i ended up rewarding him when he got in. i took him to target and told him he could pick out whatever soap and shampoo he wanted but he had to shower. his showers aren’t long but they are long enough to get him washed up and he washes his hair . you have to be patient. and consistent. i’ve even allow him to
tell me what time he will shower
I understand she is fearful of social service but what about local Autism groups? Has she called his doctor for recommendations or referrals for help? I am sure they know she is not the only one experiencing something like this.
So it’s not a shower but it’s something, does he like to swim? And after, have him shower to get the chemicals off? Also, he needs a therapist/counselor for his depression.
Has he been in therapy or seen anyone if not this would probley be a wise idea to get him in somewhere so they can explain to him how unhealthy it is and that he could get very sick from not be able to care for him self. I wish you the best of luck .
A lot is to be said about bribery…but, it works, and when it is for their own good. Go for it. Make him part of the plan, what is something he does enjoy. Maybe after he showers then you can all do this activity together. Or maybe it is a special meal he enjoys, or maybe it is just alone time, whatever It may be, agree to assisting him with whatever it is after he has showered and cleaned up.
Have you tried reverse psychology? Telling him "I bet you can’t take a shower on your own. " or something similar to that. I worked with autistic adults and it always worked as they wanted to prove they could and that I was wrong. Just a suggestion
Stacy Bernal got any advice on this one? Lol
Call social services for help.
He TOLD YOU he’s depressed. Get him real help? You’re not going to fix the results of depression without addressing the depression itself first
Maybe he should talk to someone a pastor a therapist an older male figure in his life that he respects if he is showing no interest and depressed you have bigger issues than how he smells get him some help
Maybe take him to a psychiatrist to address the depression?
Sounds a bit like my son. He hates to shower or a bath. I don’t give options when it come to hygiene. I offer a bath or shower rewards taking things etc. when he refused to I stripped him and put him in myself Only needed to once now he will scream, cry, sometimes throw a fit or half ass bath but he will still get in. He turns his music up loud that’s his relaxing thing. We also spoke to a therapist and he is on medication. Doesn’t sound like he is in school. I always believe that socializing helps atleast the fear of being made fun of. As for hair. You either wash it in my house or I cut it. So as long as my kid’s wash there hair once I week there no need to have a hair cut if they want it long.
Ashley Lynn well said
He says he’s depressed so your mom needs to get him some help. Something is goin on and he doesn’t wanna talk to you or ur mom about it.
Water day make a outside water slide and slick it with dawn get a kidd pool fill it with bubbles get some water balloons and water guns make it fun get him water goggles so he don’t get soap in his eyes he’s always at home he needs outside stimulation
Seek help for his depression.
Is he on his medication?
Try colourful bath bombs and scented candels. You can look into cognitive therapy as well.
It would be good if he had a father, uncle, grandfather (male figure to have a chat with him). Maybe he is going to a phase where he doesn’t see any value or doesn’t like to see himself in the mirror.
If he doesn’t take care of himself, in the long term his depression and health problems can flare up even more.
I can’t even get a 14 year old boy without autism to shower, brush his teeth, put deodorant on, clean up his piss off the toilet seat…nothing. I didn’t raise him though.
Please don’t be feared of social services they will understand.
That being said she needs to ring his doctor to get help for the depression before anything else x
I have a 5 year old with autism their are so many people that could help from therapist to respite care and even in some places I have heard that they have home health care workers that can come and help with bathing and stuff like that 
Ask another male to be there and walk him through it. Pay someone from a special needs agency to help every other day.
Offer rewards after a shower. Ipad, movie, icecream, ices
If he’s depressed get him in to see a phycologist and therapist, there are meds that can help with depression. Depression can make it very difficult for a person to care for themselves even with basic hygiene.
Maybe some kind of reward offered when he uses appropriate hygiene? I’m sorry you are going through this. Autistic kiddos are as difficult as they can be adorable. And I am sending all my good vibes for a solution. 
Time to work with a therapist that specializes in behavioral therapy
Yes get him help for the depression and then look for an agency with workers that specializes with these sort of issues.
Try giving him an incentive for taking a shower and doing hygiene kind of like rewarding him for doing what he needs to do something he really really loves and won’t be able to resist I have two teens on the spectrum and we have the same issue and this is what we do it seems to work most days if it doesn’t work at first don’t give up
If he says he’s depressed, have you taken him to the Dr about that? Also, maybe have a Dr explain the importance of hygiene. And what the lack of hygiene can do to the body as well as the risks of dcf stepping in.
Add it into a routine and a schedule. Like every 2 days it’s showers for everyone or switch off. Knowing it’s coming and preparing it in your mind makes it easier. Throw his clothes in the dryer so he’s nice and comfy after and get all of his things ready. I know it’s not your job but it could help. Getting all the body care products out and starting the shower can all be good. Depression is real! You have to force yourself to do simple tasks
Have him see a counselor.
Stop keeping him hidden away. I bet with a little staring and peer pressure from strangers he’d take a shower lmao I would take him with me anytime he says he’ll go no shame on my part he’s clearly too big to be told what to do so this is obviously his decision nothing for you or your mom to feel shame about. It’s his to feel bad about and maybe if he did he’d shower.
Your family needs some help, navigating these changes. Reach out to your local community groups, look online for resources in your area. Perhaps even the school administrator will have some resource suggestions for you
What makes him happy? Does he like to paint ? Does he like to do boxing ? Do he like doing puzzles?Make bath time fun. Bath bombs & bubbles. Maybe everyone sit down and start doing puzzles and ask him to join.
It reminds me of a patient I took care of with Dementia and learned quite about about sensory issues and ways to work around them. Find out if it’s the cold or hot that bothers him. Water raining down or sitting in the tub. Heat the room some how, lay a towel on the ground, and start by sponge bathing and possibly washing hair in the sink.
His depression needs to be addressed. To often you’ll find someone who is depressed will let them selves go. My son’s on the low-end of the spectrum and a lot of times If he goes to his grandad house for to long and his diet has been ignired and routine not kept up he struggles as well.
If he’s saying he is depressed, start there. Get him to a therapist/Dr so they can work with him. He’s not going to get better unless you get him the help he needs.
Talk to your family Dr for advice. Or seek a professional who works with autism.
I deal with depression and most days don’t even wanna get out of bed let alone shower. His mental health is bad like mine. He really needs the support of his family and someone to talk to. I would get him into therapy asap it will do wonders for him.
He’s got autism it is a sensory issue and along with hormonal changes in the teen years may be why he’s so different now. He needs a set schedule that helped my son going through the same thing. That seemed to be the only way it would work forcing them to do things such as shower would force them to not want to do it that much more. It’s part of the fight or flight mentality.
Have you guys tried decking out the shower/bathroom with things he likes a lot? For example if he likes dinosaurs, making a Jurassic park themed bathroom?
If he reads…get him a book about germs and bacteria in relation to hygiene. He may need to see it to believe it
Take him outside and spray him down with the hose. Tell him if he won’t shower that’s what’s gonna have to happen
A mental health expert needs involved definitely and maybe they can also refer to a local inpatient program, prayers.
Take him to a doctor. To get counseling set up. Possibly depression medication. My oldest is high functioning autistic(which is what you’re saying on the low end of the spectrum. It’s known as high functioning.) He hates bathing. Hates showers lol. It’s a fight every time but he does it lol.
I would address with his doctor if it’s on record that you guys are having a hard time getting him showered social services can’t do nothing and talk to his doctor about the depression part asap that’s something not to wait on 
Get him a therapist, speak to his doctor. My son is 10 and he hates taking showers everyday but if I clean the tub and tell him he can have a bath he will get excited and get ready for it
Take him to a doctor. He literally told you he’s depressed. He needs help.
I am so sorry! I also have a child with autism and people will say? Just force them! But I fully believe you have tried every single tactic you can think of! And at some point they just don’t want to do what you need them to do! Can you guys get him outside? And trick him and wash him down with the hose? Lol! He may need to have some services? I think he needs to be made to feel uncomfortable with the situation? Maybe a few days in a facility where he is locked in a room? Which may be very hard for you to do as his family? It might just be the trick to get him to wake up! you definitely need some outside help? A therapist! Maybe even a mentor! With his age I know it’s probably difficult to get any type of services! But may be a stranger outside of the family embarrassing him for the way he stinks? Might get him to change his mind! Also stripped his whole room of everything and wash it all and tell him you’re not allowed back in your own room until you clean yourself! Kick him out of the house make him sleep outside! Don’t be afraid of child services! You’re doing the best you can! And sometimes they can be helpful! 

He says he is depressed and you take his stuff away? Wtf is wrong with you? Take him to a doctor and get him treated! Holy crap.
Get a pool or pool membership, make being in water a fun weekly activity 
Also a lot of local hairdressers I’m sure would be happy to make accommodations for autism spectrum haircut, just ask
Let him know you understand he is feeling depressed but if he gets an infection from lack of cleaning he will be more depressed in the hospital on IV’s and medications and not being able to be home in his own home/room/bed.That ending up in the hospital you will have strangers putting him in the shower to wash him which won’t be fun.If you have to print out or show him pictures of bacterial skin infections,groin infections,scalp ect.Even if you can only get him in the shower/tub once a week to start its better than nothing.Let him pick his shower day so he knows Thursday is the day or whatever so he feels some sort of control over that.Lastly you definitely have to get help for his depression whether that’s counseling or medication.
Reward him with a favorite meal
Sometime they will for a food item
He told you he is depressed so seek help for him. But also, 14 year old boys smell and at sometime fight showers.
Take him swimming that will clean him up too
I’m assuming he has already been to the doctors as he has expressed he is depressed?
You can’t force someone with a mental health disorder to do anything I’m a psw I deal with this daily mind you our residents are elderly and have dementia as well as other mental health disorders it’s likely sensory issues as well maybe offer a bath instead…how would you feel if someone forced you to shower or took u outside and hosed you down like an animal he needs to see a therapist and perhaps medication you can’t punish him for something he can’t control
Take him to his Dr and have the Dr talk to him about why being clean is important. Perhaps leave the room and give him a chance to talk to his Dr alone about what’s bothering him.
He’s depressed. That’s the issue. You address that issue and the rest will fall into place.
Him being a teenager and having autism doesn’t have much to do with it. I mean, yes, most teenage boys smell like dirty locker rooms, but you can’t fix the issue without fixing the problem.
Get him into a therapist, who will work with him on the depression and managing medication. Once that’s done, the rest should follow.
Him being a teenage boy and being depressed is no different than being an adult man or an adult woman with depression. Sometimes the very thought of showering is enough to exhaust you. You have no motivation and no desire to do anything.
Get him to a doctor who can prescribe therapy or meds.
Go to the swimming pool
This is a really hard situation. There has to be some autism Network community is or charities or services in your area. Perhaps they can provide him services. I know of children and young adults that as part of a program they get community integration and activities of daily living assistance from a support person. This person can help them learn to do chores around the house can take them out in the community to help them learn to shop or even go to social things with them as a support person like parties or job interviews. I would start calling the local charities and explaining it and seeing if you can set him up for services.
Occupational therapists help lots… start with treating the depression
His depression needs addressed !
Google autism and hygiene issues. It gives a wealth if information. It has to do with his heightened sensory. His doctors can’t help unless they specialize in autism. I encourage you and your mom to join an autism support group. He’s 14 but one day he will be 44 and you both have to understand his mind so you can help him. I wish you well.
Bribery, get him a pool
Maybe he needs bath time toys or sound machines to make it a more pleasant experience. Maybe the water pressure or temperature just isn’t right for him.
Try to see what he prefers, baths or showers? I know he’s a teenager but it might just be what he needs to make bath time more enjoyable.
Let him purchase a towel (or two) just for him that he likes the “feel” of so it can be somewhat of a reward when he’s finished bathing.
Let him pick out what smells right to him.
Being a teenager sucks. Being a teenager with autism sucks. But there are ways you can make basic living activities more pleasurable.
Also, seek medical help for depression. Bathing can seem like a chore when you’re depressed but it can also make you feel better too.
It’s going to be trial and error for a while to find what works best for him. Maybe he’d feel better if someone sat in the bathroom with him and talk him through each step and praising him when he completes each task (But remember to still give privacy)
Discuss with him the importance of bathing for mental health as well as personal hygiene and ask what he thinks would make it easier on him. Get on Amazon together to find things like bath lights or sound machines.
Have patience and understanding. You will figure it out together.
With my 13 year old autistic son I just say if he doesn’t get in I’ll remove his stuff like his phone, laptop and ps4 it never comes to actually taking them coz the threat in itself is enough
He needs therapy and possibly OT. Have your mom set up an appointment with his Dr and the Dr should be able to send a referral over to a therapist and have a psych evaluation.
Put in behavior health until he can comply. Needs to be retaught how to process sad feelers healthy ways
Ok please don’t judge me, I know what I did was horrible…but it worked so I don’t regret it. My nephew who is also Autistic wouldn’t shower. We convinced him to because we were having a big party for his grandma. The horrible part comes with my idea to keep him showering from that point on. He was at the age where he was very interested in girls. I brought my hottest friend and had her compliment him like crazy about how great his hair looked and how good he smelled. Totally worked and he became obsessed with having good hygiene so girls would like him. I don’t think just telling him girls would like him would have worked. He had to see it for himself.
I used to work as a DSP we weren’t allowed to force them to shower or bath only encourage and ask. If your mom is fearful of social services I would just document everything to have proof. And keep him stocked up on hygiene products.
my daughter dislikes wet hair feeling - and showers - bought her special towels - she pics her scent - gentle consequences
Therapy. Might be a sensory thing that’s developed with him
If he is telling you he’s depressed you need to get him help.
Has anyone contacted a therapist/counselor to take with him and help him mentally work through it?
Could it be sensory aversion to the scent of certain hair or body cleaning products? Maybe if he can go into the store and open lids to smell them before buying he might find a shampoo or body wash that he likes the scent?
Let him pick out body wash and deodorant and smell goods. My 12 year old is is on the low end of the spectrum and that is what worked so far with him. Also letting him shower with music on. He’s real into music so he likes that he can dance and sing and all in the shower.
It may be a sensory thing. If not and he just doesn’t want to id start taking everything like electronics and toys. No fun until he showers.
If he’s depressed, that’s common with depression and needs to be address with psych or therapist. It could also be sensory. Let him set the temperature, pick the scents, pick the kinds of hygiene items he wants, and encourage but not demand. Kids with autism don’t like demands being made on them and it helps to make sure you sound encouraging and loving when asking him to do these things.
He literally told you he’s depressed. He’s already asked for help by opening up and telling you he’s depressed. Listen to him. Is he having problems with sensory issues where water from the shower had is splashing him? Tried a bath? Does he like to swim? Get a little pool from Family Dollar, fill it with water and some body wash and have him get in that to try (just throwing ideas out there) or something like that. Make a big deal out of how proud you are of him for doing those things, worry less about the smell and getting in trouble and focus more on his mental health. He needs a therapist and possibly medication to help. I would find a therapist that specializes in autism and go from there. He could be having any numbers of mental health issues. If you can’t find a therapist, then call his PCP and tell them what’s going on. Most of time, they’ll make you an appointment to come in and discuss what’s going on and they can refer you to someone and give you all the resources you need. At his age, he should be getting a mental health questionnaire at his PCP yearly.
Call his regular doctor and let them know what is going on and see what they suggest
“If you want this- you will do that” often works. Whether it be to watch tv or or get on video games, or have pizza for dinner . Or to be taken somewhere. Not happening unless you shower. End of story.
Therapy and depression meds
My son is now 16 and I still have trouble with him showering and I don’t think he is on any spectrum.
Try letting him pick out what he uses. My daughter also has Autism and her getting to pick out things makes her feel important and it gives her more of an initiative since she wants to try out whatever it is she’s picked out. Her picking out her own body wash, deodorant, etcetera was enough for her to care more. Do a reward system too.
If he says hes depressed, get him to a counselor. That may help.
My son has similar issues and it’s been put down to sensory issues he just doesn’t like the feel of it. He will get In when majorly pushed but it’s not often. Speak to the doctor about him having depression and I get you may not want him on meds but they may help. I no many teens now have similar problems and it’s really hard but we need to do what’s best. Speak to people there are groups and organisations that can help with advice and things. Good luck x
Throw liquid body wash on him. He can either rinse it off in the shower or let it dry and either way he’ll smell better.
If he is depressed is he talking with a counselor? If he’s not on meds they may help him.
If he’s depressed you get him to the doctor and get him started on treatment for that. When someone depressed truly they don’t have the energy for self care. If we have to put all of our energy to do other things then something as simple as brushing our teeth can be overwhelming. Depression is already inside of him lying to him telling him he’s not worthy so taking things away or bribing him isn’t gonna work.
Do you have any men relatives in yall life, cousins, uncles, that can help yall out with him? If he is depress like he say he is he do need maybe a therapist, but he do needs to clean his self.
Is he getting any supportive/counseling services?
Cause if not that’s step 1
If he is then ask his professional care team