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"My last relationship was more then 15 years and at the beginning it was great then my partner cheated on me but always denied it when I had proofs. My partner hardly was lovable towards me. We’d one child together over the years. How can I control myself that my new partner won’t cheat on me? My partner treats me amazing, they are always reassuring me they will never do that and they have never cheated on anyone in the past relationships. I’ve cheated on my partners, so I feel karma will get me since this partner seems loyal."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I think it’s important for you to both understand it’ll take time. Should you put your past relationships on the new one? No, but cheating breaks the trust you have for people. I think as long as he’s supportive & he does things to help you feel reassured it’ll get better. I wouldn’t recommend like going through his phone or things like that… that will start unhealthy habits but his demeanor and attitude will tell you a lot about he feels & if something is wrong"
"Your thoughts will sabotage this new relationship. You need to let the past go if you keep dwelling bad shit will happen. Your insecurities will push this new guy away. Don’t punish him for your ex’s wrong doings."
"If your new man wants to cheat he will… just let the fun happen and if the bad times come knocking then just know to leave! Even when trust is broken you can’t blame everyone and treat everyone the same!! Everyone is different!!"
"I would honestly seek therapy. You seem to have trust issues based on your past decisions, which could cause a huge problem in the future (or not). You have to have trust to have a healthy relationship. And honestly if someone is going to cheat, they are going to cheat. There’s NOTHING you can do or say to stop it."
"Try and remember that not every guy is the same there are some good guys out there. My ex husband cheated on me and it was hard to get into a relationship with someone new the beginning I thought he had different motives but I just had to tell myself he is not him I need to give him a chance and I’m glad I did, you never know what will happen in future but you can’t live scared."
"Be there. The way I looked at it is that there was nothing I did or could do to keep someone from cheating. That is who they are. Pay attention more. Don’t let to many red flags go. It’s okay to leave. It’s play to hold your worth high. Enjoy the new relationship but just remember to not turn a blind eye on things you shouldn’t accept. Good luck."
"Don’t move on to a new partner. Until you can forgive and heal from the old relationship. You can carry those issues into the new it will help destroy it. The new partner is not your ex and shouldn’t be treated or thought of in that way."
"You need to heal yourself first. It’s not fair that a new person has to jump thru hoops bc you haven’t healed. None of us can predict the whole future, bad stuff happens. Instead of being hard on yourself bc of someone else’s choice, it’s time to ask why you pack these types of ppl to begin with. It wasn’t your fault. Forgive and move forward."
"You need therapy to actually deal with your feelings from all of the cheating. If your partner has always been trustworthy then trust them. They are not past partners. You can make new choices with this partner."
"I’ve been in this situation, therapy will help! But you have to completely train your brain. I had to learn to forgive my ex husband and I mean truly forgive him for all the things he was never even sorry for, and also myself. I really had to learn to love myself and it was so hard! Loving yourself will put you in a different mind set. I’m not remarried to a man who will never cheat on me and I fully trust he won’t… sometimes faith is all you can believe in"
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