Get a job and start saving money ASAP! Find a friend or family member to take you in until you can save enough money to get your own place
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to go through a divorce and not lose my daughter?
Get a job and store money away and when you have enough for studio leave ASAP or go to a shelter ASAP without a job. Or stay at family
He will have to pay support and go for alimony until you can get on your feet
Just take her and leave. You should be awarded child support by any judge.
Leave and take your daughter with you. Why would you even consider leaving her?
Single mom help is out there. Research it for your local area. You’d be surprised what’s available to help get you on your feet. I recently went through a very similar situation & am glad to say my kids & I are doing well on our own!
For starters go for joint custody as long as he is a good father. Now where is your evidence that you stopped working for the kids? Is it in your prenuptial or postnuptial agreement? If you can prove it in court then he will owe you child support and spousal support. Then get a job of your own coz you need to pay your share of child support. Also, did you “adopt” your step kids? Coz you will need to pay child support on that too. FYI, marriage is a legal things so I hope you had your lawyer and can afford one now. All the best.
Push for maintenance/alimony. You left your job to care for his kids - five years at this time of Covid, etc is a long time to be out of the work force. Find a good attorney who will be willing to try for support!
unpopular view Losing custody of your child is always a risk in a divorce. When you lose yourself, you lose everything. Change your situation as much as you can, do what you need to do and get ready to fight.
Check into your state laws if y’all were not married at the time of conception or when she was born even though he signed the birth certificate he may not have legal rights to her it varies from state to state
Leave, go to family, get a job and file for divorce. He will have to pay child support and most lawyers will do it pro Bono and charge him their fees. You’re entitled to half of his retirement, half of everything and a good lawyer will add up the cost of all the jobs you do as a stay at home mom. So they’ll add in what he would have to pay a live in nanny, a chef, a maid, transportation etc. my lawyer was amazing and stuck it to my ex husband even though I asked for zero child support I took that money from other places. You will be fine and blending families is hard, I have a hard time doing it myself
Since you are married, he can’t make you leave the house. It is martial property. You can file for divorce and stay in the house until the court decides otherwise.
I suggest informing him you will no longer watch the step-kids. Then get a job and have your daughter in daycare until you can find a new place to live. See if your area offers daycare assistance payments.
You can ask your clerk of courts for a waiver for filing for divorce. Which if approved, any divorce papers you file will have the fees waived. The fee to have your husband served divorce papers will be waived.
You should also contact your local human services dept and ask what assistance is available for you and your daughter.
Where I live, there is also a job center that can get you training, pay for some classes, and help you pay for work uniforms.
There is a lot of help available to people in your situation. But it may depend on where you live for what is available to you
You can also contact a local shelter and ask if they can help guide you to available resources.
Get a job. Start a new life. If he hasn’t been the primary parent he wont be after divorce but he might get co parenting. That isnt bad for her if he is a good dad.
get a steady job & file for divorce.
Check your state laws. In kentucky, divorced parents automatically get 50/50. But i do agree your first step is to get a job. Even if its door dashing, something to show an income.
Leave with her haha file for divorce
Why would you leave your daughter??? Get a job, tell him it’s in him and his ex to find childcare for his crotch goblins, talk to family and friends about help, start saving and file. You do not have to leave the house. It’s marital residence. Just coexist. If he gets violent or threatening, file for an order of protection. That’ll get him out and you some support immediately.
Go speak with some attorneys. Consults cost nothing. Know your rights.
I’m a family law paralegal and let me say, first and foremost, it all depends stay state you live. You can’t lose your child just because you don’t work.
Stay w family or friends. Find work.
Get a babysitter or put child in day care.
Well first maybe try stop calling them “the step kids” 
idk just my opinion
Get a job then look for a place get established make sure its a nice place have 2 room, then file for custodial parent
First get a job then get a lawyer
You will get alamomy
Deal with it until you can set yourself up nice. Then bounce
- Get a job
- Get an attorney
- Get a divorce
Go to family or a shelter and take her with you. If he can’t watch his own he can’t watch the 3 year old either.
Your husband is going to have to make other arrangements for childcare and don’t volunteer even if he pays you. Its not worth it, being miserable.
Talk to family at least 400+ miles away see if they can help with a place to stay till you get on your feet and move worry about divorce when he pays for it and files…
You’ve been being used since the day you agreed to become their free babysitter. Get a job behind his back, and then leave with your kid.
Find a job, file for divorce and child support. If you can’t afford daycare or basic needs like food, file for assistance. They will help with cost of daycare and food until you get on your feet. Leave him and he can figure out what to do with his kids.
He’s just using you as a baby sitter. Start putting a dollar or two back when you can, do you have any family you can have help you till you get a job ? Dhhr can help maybe with low income housing food card and babysitting, and ask them to help you get a legal aid lawyer
I’m sorry to say but it sounds like he has zero respect for you and your feelings anymore which is a no go. I would see if you can stay with family or a friend and take your daughter with you with out a court order he can’t do anything about you taking her with but in court it’ll be hard to gain full custody without him being a total pos through the divorce process. And when you DO file keep track of all the times he actively asks to see her on record save all messages anything you can use to gain full. The divorce process is hell and super annoyingly long sometimes but they always try to give 50/50 to parents for the kids. But I would definitely see about your living conditions first and a job and try to file for as much financial assistance as you can for right now to help you get back on your feet again to get out of that hell hole! There’s no shame in asking for help because a lot of mamas need it including me (a single mom and their fathers have 0 involvement in their lives) I filed and they told me he could have weekends and he did good at first but eventually stopped asking to see them in this process so I ultimately got full custody so I pick and chose when or if they can see them. But definitely try to get some assistance first of all.
Ya you’re not a good step mom I agree with you leaving. Just take the kid and go file.
You can’t; not 100%.
Family court will treat her as an asset to be divided equally between the two of you, especially if he already is getting 50/50 custody of other kids. Court will see that as evidence there’s no reason to deprive him of 50/50 of her.
I’m sorry for the horrific answer but it’s the truth.
Family court will not do anything to make sure you don’t lose her. I’m so sorry.
Child support/spousal support/job
You take your daughter with you and file for a divorce. You don’t let her go to him until a judge tells you that you have to. I made the mistake of trying to be civil with my ex and he ended up with custody all because I didn’t want our son to miss out on Christmas with his dad. The only reason I now have custody is because he decided to bail almost two years after being awarded custody and I’ve been the one who’s been taking care of him for the last two years by myself. I was in the process of trying to get my custodial rights reinstated and my child support stopped through the Attorney Generals office when he died a few weeks ago. I now have my baby back and no one can ever take him from me again, but the last almost 4 years have been hell all because I tried to be nice. Don’t be nice, he sure isn’t being nice to you. Take your baby and run!!
He says that because he knows you can’t. Get a job and stop being a free babysitter and his tune will Change. Leave if it doesn’t.
Momma- you won’t loose your daughter! Chances are you guys can split custody or you can have her during weeks and him weekend or ever other. Take a deep breath! I promise if you want to go your separate ways you will be ok!! Tell him you can no longer watch his kids because you are searching for employment , he doesn’t appreciate you so byyyeee
Tell him to find a sitter, get you a job back, and start saving an emergency fund. Sounds like you need one. Be looking at places to live, apply for low income housing, etc. Do what you have to do for your sanity. Kids can be cruel, especially when they’re being trained to do so. He is their dad and he should be forcing respect and discipline, especially not allowing them to disrespect you. It is his responsibility in the end. Tell him to control them or you’re not watching them. You do not have to take this treatment. Don’t do it.
Take your daughter and go with family, shoot even a shelter at this point. Apply for all benefits you can and get a job. His kids are not your responsibility. Tell him you are getting a job. Save all your money and leave.
You can pack up and leave. Go to a women’s shelter. They’ll help you and your daughter get on your feet.
If you have close friends or family to stay with until you get on your feet, leave. Find any job, serving or barista, or something that includes tips might be ideal so the cash flow comes quicker. Save up, get a small apartment. When me and my daughter first set out we shared a bedroom because it saved so much money. Those years are so precious and priceless to me now, even tho we lived penny to penny in a tiny apartment. File for divorce. The less you argue the cheaper it’ll be, but be sure they take in account the years of child care you provided and that you quit working to do it. He will get visitation and if he’s a good dad to her, let it happen. It’s good for her in the long run. He’ll likely have to supplement your income with child support and help pay daycare expenses. Good luck to you and your baby girl. You deserve to be happy. 
I agree with most comments here. Stop watching his children, get a job and if he doesn’t change then leave with your daughter and apply for everything you are eligible for. I’m not sure what you’re eligible for as I’m not from the states. Where I’m from you can just leave the relationship whenever with your child and retain custody
You only get 1 life…
Keep doing what you are doing and you will get your divorce but maybe not your daughter if she is lucky.
You can leave and he would get visitations…i would start looking for work then try to move with family until you can get on your own.but you must definitely be stable before court because if he fights for custody vs visitations that may not go in your favor… good luck I have been there
Find a job save up as much as you can so you can get a place. Then take your daughter file for custody and a divorce. Try and find some legal aid. Maybe try a place where you can bring her with you so you don’t have to pay for child care. Or have family watch her. If you dont leave your daughter is going to grow up thinking that men don’t need to have any respect for women and that isn’t okay.
I made my ex leave because my dad owned the place we lived in. You just take her. Possession is nine tenths of the law so go stay with family. You won’t lose her but you also can’t keep her from him too. Supervise every time he sees her and do not allow him to leave with her. Allow him to come to where you are at and where you have control. Leave while he’s at work if you are scared.
Contact dcj (docs) and they will help you get out
you wont lose your daughter dont be afraid of that leave n take your daughter talk to a lawyer to know your rights. leave n get back on your feet.
Just think about this for a second … the daughter is. It’s of yours … not just yours …. He has every right to have as much access to the child as you
Get a job and leave it up to him while he finds to watch the other kids when they come over. Then if his attitude doesnt change after.youre working, leave him.
- Pray
- Marriage counseling
- Get a job
- Buy a car
- Save Save Save
Don’t rush on this… allow the Lord to take you. And get prepared financially, mentally and spiritually to where he will lead you. It’s important that you have some financial stability before you leave.
If you have family you can stay with, go stay with them till you can get a job and get your own place. Save whatever you can, sell stuff online old clothes, purses anything you don’t need to make a little extra cash on the side and put it away.
Get a job first…then a divorce
Stay with friends or family when stepkids are over see how he goes then.
I dont even know how i became a part of this group, but as a male…if i said i was unhappy in my relationship! Therefore because of the hardship, unwilling to care for my “step” children. i would be crucified! No doubt u are unhappy in your relationship, and i am in no way saying you shouldnt leave, for your happiness, or the happiness of you alls child. Beleave me i know more than most, that a happy home makes happy children. I just wanted to point out the bias! Good luck!
Usually when the step parent comes into the other person’s life they talk about things and work together because ur entering multiple lives. Once ur new child comes along it becomes all about the new child and the previous children get shit on… all of a sudden ur kids are evil and the new child is an angel. In the eyes of the step parent. I have a 10 8 from previous marriage as soon as I had my 3rd with the step mom things fell completely apart in exactly the same way this girl is describing. Kids get jealous of the child that gets 100 percent of the time and the step parent forgets about that. Not to mention usually has more entertainment then the previous children because they are there 100 percent of the time so when they come over they get wrough with toys. And each other. Hug ur step kids in front of ur child and see if ur child reacts bet u they gonna come over and take all the attention away and this is where the problem starts balance ur own kids and step kids in the exactly the same manner ur going out to buy one kid toys or.clothes u buy them all toys and clothes. If u can’t afford that don’t do it for one and not the others. Also kids that go to other parents houses get brain washed half the time by the other parent into a not following ur rules because she has her own set or b because kids boping back and forth weekly is abnormal for kids I did it for almost 2 years and caused more issues for listening to the step mom because they had so many different rules it made them forget or just simply not think about it for the first few days every single time u get them back and yelling at them makes it far far far more worse. They walk all over u because u probably are constantly comparing there behavior to ur own child and they know that ur child is no angle and probably barely gets yelled at. I’ve lived this exact same drama for 5 years straight. I say if u can’t handle all the kids then the other parent should assume full custody because like it or not u are the step mom and they all see u as a mom figure even if they shit on u. U can’t separate ur kids because u want to be greedy and not give up custody u need to think of ur children and what that separation for them will mean and stop worring about how u will feel if the said child does end up with the dad. Find a place to go first then worry about custody. Seen many parents walk out with there kids and have no where to go. Not cutting u down I just know how step parenting goes and dealt with it all. 5 yrs straight. Id advise not leaving and shape up ur own step parent behaviors behaviors u will see a change like I did when my current gf realized she was one of the main causes and chilled the f out.
Go to your parents
He is very mean person
Grab your daughter and go to a shelter. Start over there. They can help you.
2 and a half years? First Off, it doesn’t sound like you’re in a dangerous situation…it just sounds like you’re having a hard time…So calling it quits after 2 years… that tells me that you as a person have no loyalty to anything!!! Nor will you ever…the first sign of struggle you will bail…Did you not take a vow? For better or worse, until death do you part?
2nd the fact that you’re even worried about losing your daughter in a divorce tells me even more about you…because no judge would ever take a daughter away from his mother…unless the mother was unfit…in this case, that’s probably what would happen…
Sounds like you thought you were going to live a fairy tale, and Unfortunately reality set in and guess what…you had to be a parent…guess what…kids are little shits and are rude and disrespectful…guess what…YOURE NOT THE ONLY ONE!
Have you tried counseling?
Or Groups or discussions with your spouse…of course not…because it’s not fun for you any more…
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to go through a divorce and not lose my daughter?
Call a lawyer and speak to them. Usually the initial consult is free. And just tell him ur done pack somethings and go stay with family or friends. Also open up ur own bank account at a different bank if u have joint accounts. I was so scared to leave but was such a relief!
You leave and take your daughter 
Just leave and take your daughter and file for the divorce
Take her kid and leave
Pack a bag for you and a bag for your daughters needs WHILE HE IS GONE work or whatever reason, and just leave. Don’t say a word what so ever. No respect is no respect period. There is something going on somewhere but if your asking this on fb then something is obviously wrong. Just go
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Momma Jo
Honestly have you thought about counciling it could help alot cause the step kids might feel like they are loosing their dad an acting out also talking out problems helps alot also no digging just talking as a family since y’all just got married there has been alot of changes I’m sure the kids have you now as a step mom and a new step sister it could just need time to adjust I’m not saying don’t get divorced I’m just saying there may be other options
Stay and start organising your leave .Get a job ,put money aside buy one thing a week a pot, cutlery set,second hand furniture or just put the money aside . The more you do this while you are there the more independent you will become, the more confidence you will have within yourself the more you will see you don’t need him or anyone. The more you are preparing for your future with your daughter and emotionally you will be stronger .
Just remember those kids are kids and it’s actually your partner’s fault not theirs. If he has no respect for you they will play on it as well. You can do this ,the process has already started because you have resentment there. You will not lose your daughter, single parents are strong they can do it.
Do what is best for you and her sweetie.
There are plenty of assistance out there it’s just a matter of researching. I would say start out by looking for a job and finding someone to babysit your daughter to go on interviews for jobs, start putting money in your own separate bank account to prepare yourself to leave do you have concerns about find somewhere stable to live for you and your daughter talk to someone in Family Court about your rights when it comes to a divorce and custody and what type of documentation you would need to proceed
Leave and take your daughter. Don’t hold her from him. But leave with her. He wants to be in her life he will make that known.
I’ve come to the same conclusion and it’s time for us to leave. If you so is threading for children different then leave.
If there is verbal , mental abuse etc… then get a order of protection. That’s the quickest thing to be separate and live in peace. If your more at peace alone with your child then it’s time to separate living spaces. Actions speak louder then words. Move your valuables out. Start doing free consultations with lawyers that work in your court house county. Get another bank account. Re route mail to family or P.O. Box.
His kids are probably always going to act the way he allows them to. You sound like you have been done for a while. Take your daughter and leave. File for divorce and get a job. Get a place to live and I’m sure you’ll be fine. Without you there he may not want another kid to look after all the time. Unless he is harmful to her he deserves some custody.
Separate your bank accounts
Separate bills (nothing in your name)
Take your daughter and go live with a family or friend
Get a job
You would get the same agreement as those kids every other week.
Pack you bags , and hers take what you can and leave , hopefully you have support system, until you can get in your feet , and can provide for your daughter, I did it with 3 , he’s got you dependant on him for everything, not a good place to be , get yourself a job , education, and leave his ass . Become independent. You must show you can take care of your child .
If you can, try to get a job and set aside some money. If he tries to prevent you from doing so, try to get proof of this via text or email. Something like, “I really wish you wouldn’t prevent me from getting a job” “Well honey, you need to be at home taking care of the kids.”
Depending on what state you’re in, since you are her bio mother, you may get preference for custody, and since you are unemployed/he makes more money, you could be eligible for alimony and/or child support. Whether he pays it or not is a different story, but go for full custody.
If you feel threatened, hurt or scared , emotionally sabotaged because it hurts to be used just for someone’s benefit and not treated in return. If you have no family to turn to and file for temporary physical custody then research a woman’s shelter they help with all that in many areas.
Trouble is, he will get joint custody and you won’t be there to protect her when she’s with him then. Ever again. I should have stayed in my marriage. My girls suffered and didnt tell me until they became adults.
Pack and go with ur daughter he can’t do nothing about it.get a lawyer and file for a divorce. Be strong u got this.find yourself a job and start to put ur life together for u and ur daughter.
Um put bubs in daycare and look for a job , put you and bubs first,
Contact an attorney. Take your daughter and belongings and leave. Probably best to do it when he isn’t there from the sound of things. If you don’t have the means, try to go to family but there are many places that will help and a woman and child in your situation get settled and be safe. Check around your community as well. It will be hard at first, but you will both be better off. Keep your head up and do what’s best for the both of you.
That’s such a hard age for step children, my bonus boys were very rebellious around 10. Stop making yourself a convenience and put some responsibility on him. If he works too much then he’s gonna have to stay home with them on their weeks and you’ll find a job. There’s no fairness in your position. Your home is your safe space and should be your happiness and security blanket. Don’t be afraid to be the bad guy. Compromise is what you need.
A lawyer will give you the best advice on where to start & who says you are the one that has to leave . It may be him that has to leave ! Best wishes during a difficult time !!
Keep it cool. Get a job and save your money. Take the assistance you can get and when you are ready get out of there. Set yourself up before you leave.
Go to the battered women shelter with your child pack which you’re not willing to leave behind and take it with you they will give you and your daughter shelter and they will help you get a job and get on your feet so you can support your daughters they will also help you file for divorce
Alison Edwards not necessarily… If she’s the one taking care of all the kids and he’s working, how is he gonna do both after she leaves? She said she is the childcare for both families… Pretty sure his current agreement would end up needing to be modified to e/o weekend when she leaves his a$$.
Find another house and job before telling him you’re leaving. Sort everything first
Contact relationship Australia
File for divorce with ex parte orders for custody. If you have to gone government assistance while you get back in your feet it will NOT be held against you. My father is an atty and I did some work for him - custody was the majority of it
Leaving the house won’t help you in the long run…its abandonment and will give him a leg up in court. OP didnt mention abuse so there is no threat of danger. Set yourself up financially and speak with an attorney before you make any moves. As for custody…OP didnt say the husband was abusive or a threat to anyone’s safety…he will and should get a fair custody arrangement to see his child. Their relationship problems should have no bearing on the kids relationship with each parent.
It seems odd to me to want a divorce simply for children that are in your home less than or equal to half of the year… kids are just that, kids… the relationship is between adults… kids break toys, and it’s hard for children to follow 2 sets of rules in 2 separate households. I agree with the hubby, kids are kids and it shouldn’t bother you to the point of divorcing the man you pledged your life to in front of God and man? Vows are sacred and therefore not to be entered into with so much as a doubt that it will last. You knew he had children from another relationship, were you and are you that naive that you never once thought there might be Rocky patches along the way as these children grow up? Don’t be so selfish… grow up… be the adult the children and your husband needs.
Ask for joint custody. If he is a good father to her then taking her away because you don’t like his other kids is just spiteful. Of course he is going to stick by his children over his partner. I would.
NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOUSE (as in.moving out…NEVER)
Reach out to family and friend. Time to swallow your pride. Or get a job. But reach out first, you would be surprised at who’s willing to help. He’s just seeing how long you will hold out for. I’m sure there’s more to the story….
Also because you are married you have to go through custody. You can file emergency temporary custody paperwork…but it’s different with every state