He doesn’t care about u he made it clear
1 Like
Find a friend or family to stay with get a job and rent a place sign up on hud
1 Like
Go get you a job don’t take care of his rude kids because they were told too do like that stack your money take your child and leave the only problem you have is your financially disabled or you can deal with it and be an ass
1 Like
You will not lose your daughter. None of them can even afford daycare. They can’t afford a lawyer. And unless there is a reason you are unfit no judge will separate you from your child. I lived with this fear from my ex husband for about 10 years until an attorney told me no way.
2 Likes
Do you have domestic benefit there? In New Zealand we have solo parents support so we can live without working to take care of the kids.
1 Like
He seems petty and telling you to leave instead of stepping up and being a responsible parent by correcting his children’s behaviour is childish. I don’t think you would lose your daughter as he is working and you said can’t afford child care so basically him and his ex are using you as a free babysitter. Sort yourself out before you leave and then leave him to figure out how he is going to look after his children plus work.
3 Likes
Divorces take a while if je fight it. Start looking for living arrangements, job and childcare. Check with state agencies for help. Also if you’re in an alimony state ask for it. Make sure to sign up for state assistance as well. Some have grants to help pay for housing. Ask in the child support order to get his share of child care costs as well.
Oh man…so much to say…but ive got a feelin… 
mmmm.mmm … That not a single person would try to get it 
I went through a divorce and I got all my kids and he moved on got married and raised her 4 kids. It work out perfect for me he could see them when ever he wished he saw them a few times in there lives now that they have there own lives they can see him or not. I have the best relationship with all my kids and grandkids.
1 Like
Not really enough Info to advise. I’d want out too. My ex husband didn’t fight me on anything I had custody of my child and he has bi weekend visitation and he paid his child support. And I got everything. But if he had been willing to fight me I would have played a different hand. Attorney consults are usually free. Talk to a lot of them and gather as much legal advice as you can for your state and particular situation.
1 Like
Get a job n then move out. Also just Bc you don’t have a job doesnt mean you lose your daughter. You just need somewhere to live
2 Likes
Leave take your child and let him get on with his life
1 Like
Get a job, get money saved up and once you have enough to rent, find a place get it, and then once you have everything done, move in.
He will be getting her some of the time. You cannot just take her away from dad and never see them again.
Your “husband” seemed to have just used you this whole time for child care
1 Like
They are just kids like he said. Im sensing alittle jealousy. Those “step” kids are your kids to. Im sure they feel that tension of you not wanting them there and they are acting out. None if this is their fault. You need to sit down with your husband and make reasonable boundaries and see where it goes from their. Even speak with their mama if you have to about behavior in your home. Thats all i have to say im sure ill have Karen’s on me…
3 Likes
They’re kids so… leave then?
Just walk im single mum of 2 under age of 3 - get UC, CHB CSA ( from there dad) you will not lose her
1 Like
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to go through a divorce and not lose my daughter?
First of all, you can find a shelter for women and children., and remember, it’s just temporary, so don’t get depressed about it. Think about it as a step toward your independence. They will also help you find a job, and provide you with legal aid, and housing. The best of luck to you, and God bless you and your daughter.
32 Likes
39th and Penn womans shelter.material things are material. You can get that back when your self esteme comes back from wharever and all you’ve been through. Remember your not alone and you can and will survive. Good luck in your endevours
I took my time. I remained in same household but dropped the “wife duties”. He fended for himself…and his son from previous relationship was his and hers to deal with. I arranged child care (which I got help with from people I knew and was aware of what I was trying to accomplish) for our children and I went back to work. Made us scarce whenever I could. Where I went I took our children with me. He never made a fuss about it because it meant that he didn’t have to watch them during his off time. I kept a journal noting dates and times of anything specific that was done or any conversations. I also audio recorded when able to. Any time my husband went to leave whether it be to work, a friend’s house, to the bar…I requested that he took his son with him. Since he made it very clear that I pretty much had no say when it came to his son who was living in OUR home…I let him know that I was using my right to be asked and not just expected to fill the void when neither he or his ex could. Be real fellas…your wife does those things out of love not because she has to. And vice versa. And since courts look at the total household income to determine child support, etc…I kept my money separate.
18 Likes
I’m not sure of your working past, but maybe getting a job at a daycare would allow you to take your child with you and also make money. Best of luck. Keep your head up and remember why you’re doing this. She is watching and learning what is acceptable.
13 Likes
Honestly if you explain that to a judge I don’t think you’ll have any trouble keeping custody.
It’s weird to me that he’s making excuses for his first three kids but isn’t sticking up for his youngest child. Your daughter can’t grow up in an environment that allows her to be disrespected continually, whatever you have to do to leave, women’s shelter, TPO, do it.
5 Likes
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. You gave up your Job to provide childcare for his children when neither parent would put them in childcare. I’d point out to him that you gave everything up to help his children. How dare he treat you like that. I’d plan like others said. Keep your daughter safe and get a job around her childcare. Seek as much as possible and keep a diary of everything money spent etc. Then file for divorce.
Most divorce lawyers will do free consults. I’d call a couple of them. Different states have different laws. Some states you are not aloud to remove the child from the home. Make sure you have your bases covered. In the process. Find a job, if at all possible in a child care center or a school. Start planning for the immediate future. Wish you the best of luck
plan the breakup in terms of preparing. take months to get everything ready. I boxed stuff. separated shared stuff, knew where I was going . don’t leave your daughter , the planning is for her.
12 Likes
Life is too short to stay, get out and away from this selfish man, he should be full of love and respect for you raising his kids not using you as a hired help and not backing you up - I got rid of my ex when my kids were 3&7, it was very tough and scary - I had to work full time, he was a nightmare with money, left me in masses of debt and a bully I was totally miserable BUT family and friends helped - go to a shelter if needs be there will be support for you with others in the same boat and to work etc as it will affect your daughter in the future with the toxic situation. Don’t make excuses or you will never go. Sounds like you have been an emotional punch bag for long enough. You can rebuild material things slowly, you are behind rich with your daughters love and she deserves you to be brave and strong for her , pick her up and start a new life and life has a way of working out once you take that first step xxx 
In an ideal divorce, you both keep your child(ren)
You both have your own places.
You share responsibilities evenly.
This is what you should be aiming for.
You have not alleged any DV just an unhappy marriage. I can’t see a shelter assisting.
You need to apply for a home through housing etc.
You need a normal divorce with arrangements regarding children. Equal parenting.
It doesn’t seem fair on both parents that because you want a divorce , you feel you deserve sole custody.
However ! I can’t imagine the average man wanting to raise all these children alone and work etc, it would be impossible.
His position would be arguably more difficult than yours.
At this stage you are probably apportioning blame for the break up of the relationship, which your version indicates he appears morally wrong.
But beyond blame you are in a difficult position but not an impossible position, and millions have been there before you.
I can only suggest speaking to him without raised voices or righteousness and calmly saying, how are we both going to manage and move forward.
He may reveal his true feelings aren’t what you assume.
I make no apology that my ‘angle’ is different to others on here. But I believe that good dads are 100% equal to good mums.
Children deserve both parents in their lives. Equally is the goal.
Try thinking differently.
I believe you have limited your choices by focusing only on you and your wants, and not the long term children’s ‘needs’!!!
I hope you resolve this dilemma soon.
1 Like
Definitely get a job! That will help you be self sufficient
If you have access to a vehicle during the day, start door dashing or instant cart or anything, hide some money and file for emergency custody, then leave. Go to a shelter if needed, you need to be confident and stick up for yourself and your baby.
8 Likes
Ummm well you can always go to a woman’s crisis center. I have no idea where you live. But usually a crisis center is the place to to get help. Or you could apply to section 8 or hud, to get out.
1 Like
Obviously people don’t know how to read. Sooo what do you thinks going to happen if this lady tried to get a job and no one to watch her kid obviously the man doesn’t care. I mean it does take money for child care does it not??
2 Likes
Start liquidating everything that won’t be missed on line. Squril away some money every chance you get. You will probably need a car. Get a PO box and a new bank account and safty deposit box. A new credit card would be good. I assume you may not have credit. Pay bills with your card and pay it off the same day. Hand in there for as long as you can. When his kids come put her good toys up. Keep notes and recordings of anything you could use in devorce court or custody hearings. Try to find a part time online job and tell no one not even your bff what you are up to. May be a house cleaning job. Housecleaning actuly pays well.
Worst case if you can get to the point that you hold your own for a few months may be you can get on section 8 housing. If his kids are that out of control I would not leave my daughter there with them. She would have to move out with me. Im sure life there is hard. But it will probably be way worse on your daughter if you were not there. Learn the devorce and custody laws there. I moved back to my home town because the laws there were more in the mother’s favor.
When I left, I left with a 4yo 14 month and a new born. I got a grant and went to college. I participated in a program that paid my daycare and millage to school as well as for my school supplies. I was on section 8 housing. I cleaned 3 houses every Thursday. You got this.
Start by finding resources for housing and jobs in your area. When you leave take your daughter with you. Start making a plan to get out even if it means living with family for a while till you get on your feet.
1 Like
This is why I don’t believe in stay at home moms… when the s**t fan you’re all alone…
4 Likes
First and foremost you’re daughter is the most important thing in this situation. Your daughter is only 3, I would be more concerned about her safety with your step kids. Get a nanny cam that shows his kids bullying your daughter,& your husband being bad towards you. It sounds like you are doing the best you can for your daughter. Your daughter is still a baby, she’s not going to remember everything that is going on right now. I would do anything you can to get you& her out of there
8 Likes
Go to counseling you are married.
Get a plan. Start saving money doing odd jobs or start an in home business. You’re gonna need $. Then start figuring out a budget and a plan. You’re already unhappy. Be unhappy a bit longer till you can get things in order. Quit fighting over step kids. Take a step back. Let him handle it when tgeyre over and kerp to yourself. Don’t let him know what you’re doing and start working your way towards the door
11 Likes
There are so many resources now to help. Apply for income based housing. There may or may not be a waiting list. If there is take your time to apply for daycare assistance. Most places will get you vouchers if you’re looking for work and have no one to watch your baby. That way you can take her to day care and go look for work knowing she is safe. It takes time to get on your feet. As much as we want it to happen overnight, that’s just not the best way to go about it. If you’re worried about custody, speak with your local clerk of court about court appointed lawyers for custody and child support. Good luck mama!
Whoop that ass get control momma. Catch their attention! It usuall only takes a couple times.
Definitely contact your local county assistance office. They can point you in the direction to get you housing, child care assistance, transportation assistance (if needed), food stamps as well. With you being the main caretaker of your daughter, I doubt a judge would see him more fit than you… just try to get yourself a stable living situation and job before filing or it could cause some issues for the decision. Best of luck to you & your daughter. My prayers to you 
2 Likes
You will not lose your daughter
Call a local women’s shelter they can assist you in getting out with your daughter. They will get your into the shelter and help you get a job and access community resources so that you can get established and be self sufficient. They will also assist you in getting the divorce.
1 Like
Thank you for reminding me why I chose not to have children and be Childfree 
Start amassing money and when you do leave take everything that you want with you and deny taking half of it
2 Likes
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to go through a divorce and not lose my daughter?
I went through this exact thing although me and my ex co parented outside of court. I was a SAHM when we split and I’ll tell you what it’s been the hardest years of my life getting back on my feet and stable but I did it. I had my moments of despair and absolute agony but I tried to just stay strong for my boys. He got remarried and had my boys for the most part full time. I had them in weekends. I rented a room in a house and we slept together in a a full size bed. I also slept in a pad in the floor with them. If you have family to stay with until you get a little money then that’d be your best bet but I know that’s not always an option. Being a SAHM with an unsupportive partner is the worst thing ever. My heart goes out to you. Do some research but unless he wants to go balls to the wall and make it ugly, keep it as civil as possible and try to come to an agreement outside of court.
8 Likes
If you can temporarily move in with family, as long as she has what she needs than you’ll be fine. Maybe apply for cash assistance until you can get a job.
The courts will not just take her because you don’t have your own place, but you have to show your trying
7 Likes
I would start looking for a full time job 1st of all, 2nd, try Marriage Counseling because there is def issues in your relationship. And if he disagrees with any these steps, I personally would jot everything down and bring it to court on your divorce proceedings.
7 Likes
You’re definitely going to need alot of money. He’s going to fight for custody and it’s a rough battle.
1 Like
Whatever you do, just file first. If he files, he’ll get temporary custody if requested.
Keep text, screen shot everything showing his character. In court, text stand up.
Should you choose to stay, you enforce the rules!!! It doesn’t matter who’s kids they are, when they are with you, those are your kids as well. You need to learn how not to separate the attention and love you give “your child”. Love has to be spread equally. And that is your house, your rules. Your husband will fight it for a while, but eventually they will all be trained. You let them have fun, but you set the rules. I went through this with my 8yr old 2 years ago. Now he knows what is expected in his home, when he’s home.
Kids need structure and rules, they thrive on it. They need to know the outcome of what happens when they are bad, rude, disrespectful and what not. In our family, we use kettlebells and they do laps up and down the hall way. Planks, push-ups, shoulder touches and much more. And at the end of the day right before they go to bed, there is nothing better than smile, hug, kiss and an I love you.
The choice is always yours to make. You just have to outweigh the outcome of each.
2 Likes
I really think therapy should come first. I sort of went through this in the beginning. Come to find out my bonus baby was the one causing the riff raff. She suffers from anxiety but it was tuff. She has a way of manipulation. Husband really needs to sit down and talk to his children. He needs to make them understand that you are his wife and should be respected as such. That your baby is their half sibling and should be shown sibling love, not destroy her things. IF he wants to make the marriage work. If he doesn’t want to work anything out. Then it definitely calls for divorce unfortunately. The court will try to make you go through therapy. They want to see you try. However, definitely start looking for work. Get yourself together and go from there.
1 Like
Can yall try marriage counseling
1 Like
If you remain active you should be alright but be prepared to divide the time with said daughter fairly between both parents. With that being said, you might consider finding a personal babysitter for during your time so that you can work, or income based housing even. Sometimes an old friend will take on a roommate whos showing theyre serious about getting on their feet
1 Like
Try women shelters in you area they help with house and jobs
2 Likes
Get job step one, look for housing or friend to stay do not leave your daughter! So much harder to get her back…fyi pack go bags hide in closets somewhere that way if gets bad just go
Mothers morning out and look for an early morning job. I was a sahm and it’s totally ok 
just remember to breath
Leave take your daughter with you go to shelter they will help set you up in appt and get income assistance.
1 Like
Only if you’re found to be incompetent or unfit. It’s unusual for a mother to lose her child in divorce.
1 Like
Have you considered marriage/family therapy?
Depending on your state the court will not just take your daughter …first I’d get a job just say you want your own money and to “help” out take your daughter to your family if possible while at work save money n start looking for your own place
1 Like
U need to get a job and ur own place otherwise courts will deam u unable to take care of her
2 Likes
Move to Maine. Women constantly take their kids from the dad for no reason. It’s real easy to win custody if you’re a mom here.
…why would you lose your daughter…
So find a job and move.
2 Likes
Since you stopped working to take care of his kids I would ask for alimony or maintenance in the divorce. You need to get a job now and start saving.
8 Likes
Just wow!!! Blended families are as tough as marriage evidently you are not. Blame blame blane!! Shame shame shame
1 Like
When I read it I was like wow 10,9,8. There still kids did she ever stop to think being dragged back and forth every week is emotionally draining on them. Not to mention I’m sure she shows resentment towards them and theynear what she’s saying to the dad. It’s just toys they get broken get over it and most kids don’t listen at that age anyway. If you want to leave that’s fine you shouldn’t stay where you don’t feel welcome and most courts won’t take your kids unless your proven to be unfit. Don’t take it out on the kids try to find a different way to teach them discipline again a lot of kids especially ones without a stable home have behavioral problems. Their dad probably can sense this and you seem like you just don’t want to be bothered with them and he’s fed up.
14 Likes
Get a job sórt child care and leave, start divorce proceedings when you’ve sorted a life for yourself and your child
1 Like
Get a job and a babysitter. It sounds hard, but what you are doing is MUCH harder. You will physically be exhausted but your mind can rest. Unless you have someone to rescue you… you’re it.
7 Likes
Sounds like he’s looking out for all of his children’s best interests, you’re only thinking about the 1 you have & not the “step” children.
It’d be bloody hard on them too. They need to know you’re there for them & love them. Not the resentment you clearly feel towards them.
The child you have together is as much his as “yours” he/she is not a possession that one owns.
Grow up & step up for ALL of the children involved.
If you don’t love him, fine. Get a divorce. But don’t blame the kids.
They’re kids.
16 Likes
Been there done that. Fast forward: Regret it for my grandkids now. They are the losers x 20.
3 Likes
Get a job and let him and baby mama figure out day care for their own kids.
16 Likes
Move in with family with your daughter. Get a job and raise your child.
8 Likes
Work stop babysitting his kids let the parents figure that out find a baby sisiter for your 3yr old n dovorce n leave
7 Likes
Grab your daughter and go.
4 Likes
First contact your local assistance office. You will qualify for housing and food share benefits and possibly education assistance if a job isn’t feasible. There’s always a way in which to get childcare assistance in order for you to seek employment. This is literally why we have these programs in the first place. If you separate you are entitled to half of properties etc upon divorce. If you need transportation sell assets and make yourself whole by purchasing a decent automobile. In fact, you can purchase an automobile while you are still married just take out the loan and list it as a cost he will have to incur until you are employed when seeking a temporary order. Upon separation, ask the judge for temporary maintenance to assist you with housing costs while you seek employment if assistance doesn’t suffice. Ask the judge for permission to remove half of furniture and clothing as a means to provide a living environment for your child.
You will not lose your daughter for being unemployed. You are not stuck. He cannot verbally abuse you and treat you as disposable. You are capable.
In the meantime move into a different bedroom and file for assistance as separated but living jointly due to hardship.
Tell him you are divorcing him. Stick to your plan DO NOT BECOME WEAKENED BY FALSE PROMISES.
Stop providing care for his older children. Tell him you are no longer providing childcare, send written notice to the mother as well, explain he needs to obtain childcare outside of the home. Put it in writing and explain that if he abandons his kids with you by leaving them there, considering your separation status, you will contact the police department and report him as abandoning his children providing authorities with your written declaration as proof. (Text messages work as official notification) you may be kind and explain to the police that you will tolerate only one day but that they need to contact him and tell him you are no longer babysitting given your separation status and pending divorce. That you need to leave the home to seek employment and that the parents are fully aware.
Chin up. Press on. God’s speed 
1 Like
Go to a shelter. They will help you. File for child support ASAP.
6 Likes
Go to a family members, a shelter even one for abuse, or stay with friends.
3 Likes
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE, 
. oh wait …if kids are disrespectful…then you can give up…btw …(kids are never disrespectful ) never ever ever …
14 Likes
Um get custody and file, you will be fine. I was a single mom twice and made it out both times. Its hard but so much better than dealing with bullshit.
I must be a bad mom… cuz I’d be breaking their shit if they broke the babies toys like oh you like this byeeeeee … my oldest was being disrespectful I gave her a week to stop being a jerk, she didn’t, I went in with a bucket and took it all (remotes, nail polish, make up) not the cuz I hate putting them back on the wall … when she learns to respect me she can have her things back. I’m in charge in this house, not them.
Also, I’d get my baby and leave if I were in this situation. You will figure it out for her .
1 Like
Get a job a steady place to live make sure your baby has everything that’s required and file w a lawyer quickly.
1 Like
You need to prep for the divorce before saying the word. Start stashing money as a buffer and prep. Get extra cash every time you shop and hid it well. You haven’t been married long enough for spousal support. Most courts encourage 50/50 custody. You need to be able to support yourself. Get a job.
8 Likes
Courts are usually on the moms side as far as custody. You can get a job and child care and spousal support. Don’t be afraid to ask your family for help.
2 Likes
Sorry, but I get very irritated hearing about bratty stepchildren and how they are a bad influence on the new child. Did you not know about their existence before you took up with their father? Don’t think for one minute that they don’t see the difference between how they and “your” baby are treated. Changing their attitudes and behaviors is going to take time and patience. Bottom line is, if you no longer love the father then leave. But you will be sharing custody with him for her entire childhood, she’s not just yours. You need to find a job and probably share a place with good friend or relative at least until you get on your feet.
9 Likes
F that. Time to go. You didn’t sign up for this abuse. Supposed to be equals not his maid.
3 Likes
Get legal advice and leave.
1 Like
For court, it’s so often “her word/against his” … it’s always a great idea to save texts/Instant Messages, emails to show how he treats you and disregards your concerns or issues.
On the other hand make sure you try to be as friendly in you these communications
Honestly, if you feel like your environment is toxic I would take your daughter and stay with a family, friend or shelter. Try to find a way to bring in income on your own without him knowing and open a separate bank account.
If you are scared of him, get an order of protection.
6 Likes
Go get job so you can support her
There are services out there to help you. Don’t always tell yourself you need a man to pay ur bills etc sis. You got this
Seek counseling-he is your child’s father too! Maybe you all need to communicate better!
3 Likes
Move out with friends, family, shelter, contact local churches, apply for state assistance and child support. (Even if you don’t think he’ll pay, still apply.) Once you’re a little more on your feet, get a job. Get help with state assistance for child care. There are many programs for single moms, you just have to make the calls and start moving one foot in front of the other. This is a very common situation and people leave daily.
3 Likes
Seems like step mom is the problem IMO. They are still young kids so maybe get to the root of their disrespect first of all. 2nd, you took on those kids when you married him and they became your responsibility as well & it doesn’t sound like you were forced to leave your job but that it was also your decision that you agreed to & if you left your job to watch them and they aren’t being respectful, then maybe look at yourself as to why that also is. 3rd!!! And most importantly!!! Just because you had a baby doesn’t mean they no longer matter! Also, it is your husbands baby too not just yours! Those kids probably need someone to talk to. Someone who will understand why they may be acting out! Sounds like maybe you hold resentment towards your step kids and I’m sure they see it and feel it every single day. First time mom of a new baby, highly protective & not wanting to deal with the kids that you signed on for when you married him…… It happens all too often.
7 Likes
Start job hunting and find a reliable babysitter or daycare. Stay with someone else until you can get on your feet.
3 Likes
Seek counseling toguether. Have you thought that when you get divorced your daughter will see her father and so she will see her 3 half siblings alone from now on…?
Omg leave with your daughter
1 Like
Talk to a lawyer and see options
1 Like
Do you have family you can go to and stay with that will take in you and your daughter? Start applying for jobs now.
1 Like
first of all never rely 100% on anyone like that find a family member who will watch YOUR child for you while you find work find a job and work hard get your child into daycare file for divorce and move on you NEVER should allow anyone to have all the power like that always ALWAYS as a mother make sure you have a plan to do for yourself and your child without his help!
5 Likes
Get a job , get assistance, go to court get a custody order and child support … make some moves girl
4 Likes
Think about this really really hard right now. Your little girl is still young and he will get every other week with her. She will have to deal with these step kids without you around. I would personally wait till she is older and can communicate than do it now. You can get a divorce without a lawyer but if y’all don’t agree you are pretty much putting it in the hands of the judge to see what they think is best. That’s not always the best for the child if the judge doesn’t know the whole situation. Research research on divorce. Get a job. Next time he tells you to leave tell him I’m honestly considering it and y’all need to sit down and have a discussion. Hugs girl cause I feel like you need one.
2 Likes