The perfect step mothers always saying that the prior kids are bratty, and that they give it their all, seems there’s a pattern 
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(1) gather enough evidence for court. Especially of any abuse.
(2) Get money here and there from the account. Small amounts he is less likely to notice. Put it into an account he doesn’t know about or have access to.
- When the older kids go back to school next month, consider a call center job you do from home. You can also do things like Uber eats etc.
4)Once you have about $5k saved, find a job and an apartment. Move out while he’s at work to avoid conflict. If you’re supposed to be there when the kids get off the bus, make sure you have an alternative for them though.
- Immediately after leaving, file for divorce. Personally, if you can, I’d take the money out of your shared account because you know after that he is going to fight you tooth and nail for $1 because he’s already shown what type of person he is
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Seek counseling. If he does not agree to couple counseling, go for yourself. May give you some guidance on your next step or how to handle the situation you are currently in and what is best
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counseling, and start seeking a job NOW
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You will have to split custody regardless so try and set up an agreement now
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Everybody has an opinion, and they all are different. All I can say is think about it, and do what is best for you and your baby girl, never stay where you are not wanted or appreciated.
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If you have a license & a car, start doing delivery driving. You can work when you want, as much as you want. You can take your daughter with you in many instances. I just put a down payment on a new car, rebuilding my credit & making good money (ave $20+/hr). It’s with looking into & all about freedom to me. Good luck finding your way, you can do it!!
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Sounds like you are favoring your kid over his honesty, all was well until you had your child and now you cant be bothered with his. Sad.
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Take your daughter and leave. Do you have close family? Maybe even a shelter? Start applying for jobs and get gone.
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File first. Then. It. Will. Be up. To a. Judge and. No. Judge. Is. Going to. Throw. You. And. Kids. Out then. Seek. Welfare till you get on. Your. Feet plus. File. For. Child. Support trust me I went. Thru all. This. He physically abusive
Have a plan first like if you have family to stay with temporarily until your self supporting. If you can’t afford by yourself then if you have a good friend maybe with a child you can live with. Start looking for work now. Good luck
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Start searching for work from home jobs.
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Have a very thought out plan written down. Get all the paperwork you need, divorce papers, parenting plan, child support, public assistance, housing, etc. Talk to a family member or friend about taking you and your daughter in for short term basis. Then fill out all the paperwork, turn in, and GET OUT!!!
Find a sitter or daycare for YOUR daughter and get a job. Once you have hob security it becomes easier. After you leave him you can get him to pay half of daycare through the court. I left an abusive relationship years ago, I was a sahm also. He wouldn’t leave (we lived with my family in a different state & I didn’t want to leave him on the streets) so we moved back to MI, I got a job while he stayed home with my daughter. One day I went to my sister’s to “do laundry” and never went back. It was hard at 1st, he stopped helping with my daughter so I had to send her to my mom while I found a sitter, restraining order was in place, after a year of him not seeing my daughter I put him on child support. I will never fully rely on someone like thwt again. I will not allow myself to be vulnerable and qllow someone to use my status as a sahm against me.IT DOES GET BETTER, but it will get harder before it does. Don’t hold back do to fear of difficulty. Find a sitter and get a job 1st. After you leave him go to court and put him on child support. Unless you swy otherwise he’ll automatically be responsible for half of daycare. If he can’t afford it then too bad for him, not your problem. Good luck.
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Go to a woman’s shelter, they help women get away from abusive relationships, and just because he hasn’t hit you (from what Ive read) that doesn’t mean what he is doing isn’t abuse. Most shelters help you get a job and find childcare. Also apply for any state assistance you can get (Wic EBT, childcare, housing, Medicaid ) I wish you the best mama you got this
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Go to women’s shelter, they will help you. They helped me get out. They will help with every step you need to get out.
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Go to your welfare office and get placed somewhere they will help you with apartments
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It’s not going to be easy. Start looking for work. Work when they sleep or whenever he’s home or find a friend/family member who would be willing to help watch them while you work. Save up enough to get you a place, pack up and go with your daughter. Life is short, and in the long run you’re gonna rather break your back working as hard as you can to get yourself stable than to rely on someone who has no respect for you or what you do. You also don’t want your daughter thinking this is how life is for women. Best of luck
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I think he should be supportive but I also hear that you’ve changed towards the children since having your own.
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There is help.out there just because you leave him doesn’t mean you’ll loose your daughter staying with him with his shitty attitude is way worse on the kid then leaving trust me I’ve been there I left with 4 kids and as far as the step kids there obviously picking up on the childish ways of your husband take my advise take baby and leave ill inbox you
Get a job tell him he has to pay for childcare when y’all have his kids while you are working save your money and leave and take your daughter with you and get shared custody
First find out the laws in your state, find out the cost of a lawyer. You can go talk to one for free. They will advise you on what you have to do, and what you should do, as far as finding a job or he may have to pay you Alimony since you are taking care of the child. Save money. You may have to put in for temporary custody to keep him from taking the baby from you. But if he has all ready been divorced once, he knows the ropes. Talk to a lawyer ASAP!!!
Get a parenting plan. There’s no reason as to why you would lose custody. If you want nothing to do with his kids then yeah you should leave cuz they deserve a step mom who’s gonna love them like her own.
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Stay with family for awhile let him handle the kids and see what you go thru .if he is understanding he will beg you to come back.
Or go online find a job and child care for your daughter and save and move on
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You need to get a lawyer and file temporary orders giving you custody then have a job lined up get things done before you leave because if you file before he does he can’t file and the judge don’t take them away from their mama unless they are very very bad
I don’t blame you. It’s hard raising your own kids. Raising someone else’s is even more difficult. And if he doesn’t even appreciate it or isn’t even supportive then it’s pure hell. Kids are kids is not the answer. I have no answer but wish you luck.
I would suggest getting a job and childcare for your daughter. When your husband complains about his children you explain its his responsibility to mind them or get them taken care of. Save for a wee while so you have some security and have a plan to leave. It makes it so much more easier to transition and you will no longer rely on anyone else which is what you really need. It really sounds like you have been disrespected and taken granted for and that is an extremely horrible feeling. If he wants shared custody I would suggest you agree as I can imagine he probably won’t be able to do this as he needs to work and as he can affored childcare its highly unlikely he will be able to once you leave. If he sees you fighting him in the child he will make it 1000% worse for you. If your in agreement he then can’t find things to argue with you over as your showing no objections. Obviously your child needs their father so it will all work out. I’m really sorry your feeling this way. My last marriage was like this and the damage he did to our daughter mentaly will never be fixed but it is great now and it eventually does get better. I wish you all the luck xxx
Girl get a job and start saving. Make a plan.
Youve been with those kids long enough and have been trust to watch them. So “step” up and make it happen. They all are at a new stage of life so maybe they need guidance on the next chapter for them. New chores, help you with your little. There ways to get a child to “respect” you with out the actual discipline. But I do suggest reaching out to talk with someone though because sounds to me like you just feel stuck. and it’s not the step kids fault bc it does sound like you love them as your own. And just leave is not an option that’s a cop out in this situation- personal opinion.
Before you leave, make a plan. Find assistance. If you do not have family and friends to assist, then reach out to a women’s shelter. They can help you understand what is available to you in your area.
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You’re the mother, you’re not going to lose your daughter. Where are you getting this idea from??
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Go get a job first,place to live on you own if possible .
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Those step children may be going through something that is out of your control. They also may be feeling jealousy and that they are losing their dad. I’m actually impressed he is choosing them over another woman. (No offense to you, just alor of people these days choose a woman or man over their children and that is just wrong). If the love is there you work through it and try and get to the root of the problem. If you feel you’ve done everything in your power, get a job save up and move out. Depending on where you live there is help available to you. (Womens resources etc). The only way someone can take your child is if you are proven to be unfit. I personally would not leave, especially if you are married. I would file for divorce and stay until things are settled through court. Good luck 
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Find someone willing to let you and your daughter live with them till you have a steady job and can get on your feet, then take your stuff and your kid and run
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Start simple. You can’t do anything without MONEY. Tell him you need out of the house. Put your daughter in daycare & get a job. Period. There’s no easier way around it. If you want to support her alone, then you will have to start now.
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1st get you a job then save up fast
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Get a job is the first step ….
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Think before you react. Collect funds, find stable income and a safe home before you go anywhere. You’re the mom. You’ll likely get custody unless you cannot provide a safe home.
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Step one get a job everyone is hiring now days you don’t need training just a clean back ground. And child care
Step two find somewhere safe for you and your kid to live. A family, friend, get assistance whatever you have to. That way he can not say you took the child to an unsafe place.
Step 3 file for divorce/ child support
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Make a plan, get all important documents together, start putting money aside, tell a few trusted people (if any) of your plan in advance, make a paper trail, write up a resume. They won’t take your daughter just because you don’t have an income.
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Just take the kid, pack up your necessaries and leave. Have a family member help with your kid if you can while you do a little work and get stable. Don’t let him guilt trip you. Stand your ground, you are stronger than you think!
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Wow…a horrible situation.
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So you want a divorce bc you cant handle his children? Id be devastated if my fiance & I ended & I couldnt see my bonus daughter! I mean they are kids & will do stupid things. But it is how you handle the situation that determines whether theyll respect you or not. Maybe they feel jealous or not as important as your daughter. So theyre acting out. Kids can feel the vibe you give off & if they feel you dont like them or are annoyed with them than ita going to make them act out bc they will get the attention they want whether it be negative or positive. Why not work together to get on the same page & work together to resolve the issue? When you got married didnt you vow for better or for worse? And youre already wanting to call it quits during the worse? Sorry, I just feel too many people gice up far too easily. Maybe if more people worked towards fixing things instead of quitting there would he much less divorces
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The only reason you’d loose your daughter is if you abuse her
Set your boundaries please. Those kids have got a mother and a father! You are not there to free babysit! You can still love them and provide them…but you quit of your job because you had to look after them. Sorry but they have got biological parents too…they should sort out some child care. You just help out when you can and want. You have your daughter. Focus on her.
You can not lose her! There needs to be a reason to lose her. Find all the help under the sun and if you feel time to leave …well listen to your instinct.
It is not a competition but being a stepmum is hard and I know because I am a stepmum.
I had my step kids first and now I have a 1,5years old. Think of your mental health and your time with your daughter. Time flies and nothing is coming back again.
Be strong! All the best X
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Im in a similar butit not same situation… I left my husband and moved back to my state,. I just got hired(thank goodness for an offer letter) and also I am bouncing around Airbnb’s because I haven’t found the one yet but at least found the closest. But I also applied for a land so I can buy the house! Also, it’s definitely not easy but you will get thru!! I am waiting to get accepted there’s no reason I won’t get accepted but I still have to see because the only thing is that I have too many addresses… my current one with my husband (I didn’t get my name off), I had to change my bank statement address because I needed a most recent address for when I got on WIC… So… another bad address… I have to wait to change my I’d because I don’t want to change it again in a few days… I had a name change and am getting a driver’s license… Also, too much stuff so the only thing in the way is my many addresses… I also still own my other house that my sick family live in…but I cannot live there because it’s also not safe for baby exposed everything, cannot lock the doors because you just fold the doors and you can come inside regardless… needs brand new expensive doors… I don’t want a dead or kidnapped baby. Etc…
Reasons why I’m single…
Pack yours and your daughters things, reach out to friends, family members, nearby shelters etc and find a place to go. Take only what you NEED and be on your way with your daughter. If need be, leave while he is at work. Then you’ll have to start looking for a job and filing through court for custody, BUT at this stage you will be out of the home, with your child, and away from that toxic environment.
There are lots of resources available to help you, such as shelters, housing, subsidized childcare, counseling, etc.
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You will not lose your daughter unless you are neglecting or abusing her. Which clearly you’re not. I suggest you find your own place to live and get a part time job. He will have to pay child support. He will be allowed access and if it goes to court it will probably be 50/50. However, he’s busy with the other 3 kids so how much time does that leave him with your daughter x
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A good lawyer & reasons that he shouldn’t have custody & proof to back everything. Texts, phone calls, record everything, any money u spend & all that. It will help in the future.
old stepmom they are the worst they dont care about his gets and shes in it for a free ride
Start rat holeing money. Look for a job first, keep that to yourself.
Try finding a place you can take your daughter. Maybe caring for an elderly person overnight or all the time for room and board, too. Look into it, just saw a girl that was doing this.
Do not let him take your daughter or any family member take her. No visits away from you. Get temporary custody of her before you do anything. It’s a big deal of getting temp custody before him. good luck
First off, you are not going to lose your daughter. Second, go get a free consultation from a divorce attorney. That way you know what has to be done. Explain everything and tell him/her that you want your husband to pay for attorney fees because it’s because of him you’re there. Go back to work and find someone you trust or a daycare for your daughter. This won’t happen overnight so plan accordingly. Start looking for a place to live for you and your daughter. In the meantime, if you could hook up some cameras in the house to watch the interactions between your step kids and your daughter, even your husband and your daughter. How they (kids) break her toys and such. Evidence and actions go a long way in front of a judge. Good luck
Make a stringing order out at your local court house too after you leave him but they have shelter for woman and children the shelter will help you go through the process of filling a stringing order…that way he can’t come around you or your daughter good luck …
If you have family take your daughter and go or even a friend, don’t stay there and go through all that
File first. Then leave. Say nothing just grab her and go.
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Get a job let your family help, never be dependant on another person, believe me he won’t want to keep his three kids by himself, don’t tell him what you are going to do just do it.
File child support divorce papers get a job & bounce
Easy take your daughter with you
Stop being a selfish ass hole, and don’t take advice from bitter losers on the internet
Call a shrink u need it
Get a job and find a sitter
Leave. It won’t change, so don’t waste time!
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I thought this was a Holiday site not a personal site!
I would file for temp custody of my kid then move out will be hard for a while u can do this for u n ur kid I also be trying to find a job. I catch him a work n take what u want out of the house n put it in storage u have rights to everything in the house that way it keeps u from having to replacing everything thing take all ur daughter stuff divide all dishes pots n pans silver ware towels wash clothes u need washes n dryer take everything u know to set up a place for u n ur kids he cannot get get u for taking these items he be mad but oh well things look better for u in court
Generally courts like to keep kids with the mother, I think. He will pay child support and alimony, so a part time job should be enough to live on for you and your daughter?
No one can take your daughter away unless they can prove you unfit.
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Legal aide will help you
Do you have any family maybe stay with them while you get back in n your feet. Or go to job interviews and when you land one get up and leave. I hope things get better for you
You deserve so much more