My partner is an alcoholic. I didn’t think he had any serious issues when we met- we had no kids and were younger so I thought he just liked going out. Normal stuff. Now we’ve got 3 kids and it’s… very clear that he’s got a very large drinking problem. He’s a binge-drinking alcoholic, so it’s not constant but it’s really bad when it’s bad. When he’s sober he can’t admit he’s got any problems, but once he’s already blacked out he cries to everyone and will recognize his problem and beg for help. He says his issues are from serving in Iraq, but I learned long ago that I have to take those stories with a grain of salt.He’s tried therapy, but lies to Therapists. We’ve tried couples therapy, but he says nothing is wrong with our relationship. He won’t hear me when I say how much I see he’s declined and doesn’t seem to care that I’m concerned. It’s just me… his parents tell him “just move on” “you can’t change the past” every time he has episodes… but the ‘past’ they speak of is very much my present. I know he’s not ready to get better or accept help, but I also feel like I’m abandoning him when I bring up a split… I’m at a loss and it’s taking a huge toll on my mental health.
My father is an alcoholic and it destroyed the family. You have to think of what is best for the kids too. They most definitely will notice these behaviors. My mental health is absolutely horrible after growing up with an alcoholic. Im an adult with my own family now and even my mom threatening divorce doesn’t change anything. It is an addiction, and a hell of a disease. Alcohol detox can actually be deadly. You CANNOT make him decide to get help, you cannot change his mind or opinions, you cannot make him want sobriety. Someone with an addiction must make that choice on their own or it will never actually work. It sounds like he has already made his decision for what he wants. As sad as it is to watch, it’s something you might just have to, to save yourself and your kids.