My daughter is only 2,but I’ve been thinking and worrying about this since before she was born. He dad has never been in the picture. I did my pregnancy alone, 4 weeks in the hospital, 3 weeks at her bedside in the nicu and the whole 2 years of her life alone. He’s totally uninvolved, all his choice. I tried, I begged, I promised every accommodation possible, all unread. I wish it were different, but, life hands you what it hands you and not what you want.
I think I’ll go with the you were a special baby, who needed a special mommy. Your dad helped create you but he doesn’t love himself enough to love someone else. But that’s why you have this mommy, who wanted a little you all her life, she wanted you so much and has so much love built up she can love you just as much as a mommy and daddy could together. So you need to always love yourself and if your daddy learns to love himself too, he will see you.
Start praying and praying ng
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help my kids through having an alcoholic father?
Try and it do it in the most age appropriate way. I would make sure to tell them that their feelings are normal and it’s okay to ask questions and feel how they feel about it. I would start by maybe saying he’s sick? If his behavior continues on that path as they get older then you can kind of start to add in things but as far as right now I would just say he’s sick. They won’t understand much more. Wish you the best of luck!
I think I would tell them their daddy is very sick and sometimes doesn’t make the best choices for himself. But, that isn’t your fault and I love you and I know he does too. He just needs time to get better
Be honest. My mum was. My father chose alcohol over me.
Be honest, but age appropriate. Daddy’s not well enough to have you right now, but hopefully one day he’ll get better. As they get older, you can explain it more clearly
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to help my kids through having an alcoholic father?
Be honest with them and tell them it is a disease which hurts everyone. You cannot promise kids, he will find a cure. You have made right choice.
Dad is sick. Has an addiction. Pray with them for his recovery…
Just tell them he’s sick and you are looking on how to help him. God’s blessings and prayers from Houston Texas
My mom always gave me the option to call or visit my dad, because he was just the same as your ex,but he’d never answer or his number would change. Move to another state and not tell anyone. They’ll slowly realize it when he doesn’t pick up or come around, it hurts, but letting them come to terms in their own ways is best.
My cousin has had to deal with the same thing. She lets her daughter see her dad when he asks. Her daughter used to ask to see him frequently, but her daughter has been stood up many of times. She asks less and less and is starting to understand what is going on and knows that he is not a good person. Just be the best mom you can be and know that they will ask.
Talk to a therapist. Specifically a child psychologist. As a kid who grew up with a drug riddled mother, it was good to start young so that I didnt build up resentment.
I am raising my grandson because of alcohol and drug addiction. He is now 13 and we are starting talks about his history.
He will be going back to school in Sept and having gone through puberty at home during Covid, he’s a different kid than when he was last at school.
The margin of error is less when you have addiction in your gene pool.
Just be honest the best you can without making it hurtful and someday they’ll come to understand it
Treat their father with kindness and forgiveness. Yes you will be frustrated at times but a wedge driven between children and their father or you and their father will damage futures. Protect them, but do not speak negatively. They will see and question things on their on time. My children are in their 40’s and their eyes are completely open now and I never spoke badly of their Dad.
Tell your children the truth but only at their level of understanding. Also don’t give anymore information than just what they asked for. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They know something is up, they just may not understand what’s happening. In the end, you know your kids best but I still say honesty, truth and openness are the best policy.
Tell them their Daddy has a sickness call alcohol and only he can make it better and hopefully one day he will but for now you and the kids can say prayers for him
Let him come around on your terms so they see him….it’ll be worse for you when they’re older thinking you kept them from him.
When I went through my divorce , my children were 4 and 6. We just did not talk about him that much. I never badmouthed him, but I never talked nice about him either. Children dont dwell on stuff like that. It’s the adults who make it a big issue
Good luck to you and may God guide you
Daddy is sick! Mind body & soul. Because of this you all can’t be a part of his life. He has to seek help & get well.
Its hard, because they are young and can’t understand yet.
I would say he loves them but is sick, and can’t see them now.
Hopefully he will clean up and will renew contact with them.
Try not to bring your negative feelings toward him into their narrative, they will most likely resent you for it later on if you do.
Not an easy situation for sure
Four and three are pretty young. I’d just say he’s not feeling well yet. They will get used to not having him
around and start school, put them in all sorts of activities so they have friends. You aren’t the only single mom in the town - more of us than married!
Explain to the kids about the situation. See if there are any groups/contact centres etc that can support. Hopefully it will help the children to make up their mind about their dad. Eg if he makes an effort it may benefit both kids and dad (help him get better) or show the kids that he is not in a good place at the moment
Go to Alanon. It’s not just the alcoholic whom gets sick.
If his substance use is detrimental to the children then maybe supervised visits? If he won’t go for that then I would tell the children daddy is sick and when he is better we can visit with him. I wouldn’t think a 4 year old and 3 year old would understand substance abuse so a direct approach as someone suggested may not work. Addiction is a disease of the body as well as the brain. Your children’s father is sick, maybe approach it like that. That’s what I told my children in order to avoid poisoning their mind against their father ; when they got older they realized what the issue was but at the same time realized he was sick not a bad person
Not enough information. What do you consider an alcoholic? What kind of drugs? In front OD the kids? Is his use out of control enough to get arrested? Is he a good father besides the drinking/drugs?
I’ve told my kids of similar ages about their birth parents. I’ve said thing like: Your dad/mom loves you but is not able to keep you or himself/herself safe. He/she takes medicine that is not good for their body.
Daddy has a disease that causes him to drink. Drinking is not good for him and makes behave poorly. The older they get they will understand so you want to be truthful.
I went through the same. I told my children their dad was not a bad person he just made some bad choices that he shouldn’t have and he needs help to get his life back on track and until he realizes that, he will not get better and is not in a good place to be a full time father to them. Never once did I call him names in front of them or talk bad about him. We divorced and they only saw him on rare occasions when he was sober and at functions on
his side of the family. They are grown now and he still is drinking but they thanked me for our talks and not verbally abusing him in front of them and showing them a different way to view what we were going
through. They do talk and see him occasionally. Remember usually these people are not bad people they
just make bad decisions and sometimes all they need is someone to help.
My friend has a son with an absent father. She tells her son this:
‘Your dad wasn’t ready to be a father, and went off to find himself. One day he may be ready, but I don’t know if that will happen, or when. Until then, we just have to be patient.’
Let them know he is sick and be honest with them. There are actually group meetings for family members.
Not to be heartless at all but your kids may resent you later in life. They are young now but once they grow up questions will arise and it can go one of two ways. Maybe have supervised visits … do what you can to get him to see you brought two kids into this world together and those kids deserve both of you. Of course if that don’t work be honest and explain to your kids.
Be honest, I left my ex husband when my boys were 2 and 5 for the same reason. I never lied or covered for him. I was just honest with them. They grew up knowing the truth so they didn’t have to be shocked at any age finding out their father was an alcoholic. They are now 27 and 23. One is an emergency room RN and they other one is a manager of a store. Both are doing great!!!
First of all do not lie. Tell the truth, age appropriate. Make sure they understand their dad has a disease and this is something very sad. We will try to get him help. We love you. Until dad gets well he cannot be alone or unsupervised with the kids. Dad can get sober/clean. Don’t be an enabler. Love and take care of your kids. If there is the possibility get them into therapy. You can’t do it alone.
My sons bio dad is an addict. 3 and 4 is still young. I would say daddy is sick etc. But as my son got older I told him his dad is sick, he is an addict. And my son thru out the years formed his own opinion. His dad rarely called and wasn’t around much. I didn’t have to say anything…Kids are smart.
Alcoholism is a disease. People with addiction issues are usually self medicating because of some life trauma in their past, usually in childhood. It is not that easy to quit an addiction. I know because I have been there. I am 2.5 years sober. Your ex needs help. I suggest you insist on him getting that help if he wants to continue to be a part of their lives. Get the courts involved and force the issue. Unfortunately your children will suffer if you don’t. You cannot change him. No one can, until he is ready for the change. Losing visitation with your children might just be the catalyst he needs. Good luck!
My mother never said anything about my father. Good or bad. She wanted me to see the real him and have my own judgement on him when I was old enough to have one. I don’t believe parents should speak on the other. A simple he’s not here right now at children that age is definitely good enough. The older they get and the less they see only mommy and that you wasn’t trying to keep them away just protect and allow them to have their own views of him I believe is best. Worked out fine for me.
For now the best thing would be to tell them He loves them but can’t always be with them.
As they get older you can explain why.
Also remember no negativity from family, friend’s or yourselves.
Alcoholism and addiction is an illness, be honest with your children. I have been completely sober for quite a few years now, it’s the best decision I ever made but I was ill! If they all want to meet, I’d suggest supervised contact 
Good luck.
We told my step children that their mom wasn’t making good choices so their dad made her leave. But when she starts making better choices we will readdress the issue. We explained that it is not about lack of love from either parent but it is because he loves them he felt he had to do what he thought was best for them. That was 5 years ago, 2 years ago we found she was making better choices and allowed her to begin phone calls etc and she even came and stayed in our home the last two years. They understood that it wasn’t because she didn’t love them either it was just that a disease had taken hold of her and she is fighting it every day. And if and when she is successful she will be brought back in but not before then because we must keep them safe at all costs.
Be honest with the children. It will cost you later if you are not. Do research into support groups in your town or local area. There are some specifically for children.
My son’s father is an addict, I just tell him that his dad is taking time to better himself and he will come around when he is healthy enough.
Tell them the truth, but in a more simple kind if way that someone their age can comprehend.
I don’t have answers but I offer my prayers. I grew up with alcoholic/ drug addicted parents and it’s heartbreaking 
My kids have a grandparent with this issue… but we just tell them he is sick or not feeling well. My 9yo now knows what’s going on but my girls do not (5 and 11mos). It sucks.
Dad is sick and we can’t see him until he gets better
After taking my approx.5 year old grandson to regularly. They would sing the song “Wise man built his house upon a rock, the foolish man built his house upon the sand”. He ask me on the way home one night if his dad was a foolish man. I said yes your dad is a foolish man.(he is worse than that but I won’t go there) my grandson is almost 17 he never ask about him again. I said that to say this, if you don’t have your babies in church get them there, the lord will take care of the rest. Prayers for your family.
Go to Alanon many answers there for them and you
I think you should reach out to Alanon, AA and/or counselling for for support and direction.
I’ve been in their shoes. The best thing is honesty… in a way they will understand due to their age. Because as they get older they will piece things together and wonder why thinks weren’t adding up. I’m 24 and still in their shoes… but I knew the truth and I’ve accepted it from a young age although it’s very unfortunate.
Only answer truthfully the questions they ask. But they r pretty young Ive be their. You will survive and so will they.
Tell them the truth. He got addicted to alcohol and drugs. They shouldn’t.
AlAnon for you counseling g for kids, where you may be included in some sessions.
Im in the exact same situation. I tell my kids that there dad is sick, which isn’t a lie.
My dad was pretty much honest with me about everything. They split when I was 6, so I was a bit older. But I always appreciated his honesty. He always told me that one day, things could change & I could have a healthy relationship with my mom if we both work at it. Well I’m 36 now & my mom & I repaired our relationship so much that when people hear our story, they’re quite surprised we were estranged at all. I would follow some advice on here & join support groups that can help you navigate this as your children get older. It takes a village.
Just tell them he is sick in a way that makes it where he can’t take care of them the way he needs to.
They are 4 n 3 to young to understand what’s wrong with daddy . I had the same problem with my daughter her daddy .was the same way. Just tell them the truth .
I
D try to let them find this out gently they will thank you fir rhis later. Supervised meetings a must and short as possible and not not in a pub!!!
Maybe “your daddy isn’t very well but hopefully one day he will get better and it will be your choice if you’d like to know him”
Tell them their daddy is sick and ask them to pray that he is healed so he can come see them
Just be honest tailored to their age and understanding
Tell them “Daddy has adult problems that he needs to work on right now.” You can tell them more as they grow.
Your kids will figure everything out on their own and join support groups n counseling
Tell them their father has a disease and that you hope and pray that he will get the help he needs. Get help for yourself as you are the child of an alcoholic. Al Anon can help.
I’m confused if he’s not around why are they asking anyway?
In my honest opinion id leave it up to the kids if they want to see there dad or not:person_shrugging: as long as your present and hes not all tore up of course!
and the only reason i say that is because ive experienced it first hand if for instance they want to see him down the road and yet you keep them from him then they will start to resent you regardles the situation or what you tell em especially if you make it sound worse than it really is or even if in there eyes its not bad and dont see a problem with it they will start to feel a certain way torwards you for keeping them from seein their father, and its not a good feeling for either party. but… only if hes not a complete mess meaning as long as hes not stoned out of his mind on heroin or some shit but if he is amd say there like 10 years of age then it might be for the best because then they will see for them selves what a mess he really is and choose not to wanna be around him anyways. And if he smokes bud and drinks then yea thats not the best reason to keep your kids from him especially if you do and they find out later in life and realise that was a sh!t reason to keep them away from their father! Again kids see sh!t from a diff perspective and point of view:100:
because my mom tried to keep us from our dad and he was actually a piece of sh!t and even tho we cried for and felt bad for our mom we still wanted to have both parents just bot together and even tho he was an abusive drunk and ass hole he was still our father and there for we loved him and at times took it out on our mom for doing what she thought was best for us by keeping us from him she thought she was protecting us but in reality just pushed us further away! and although you may see him 1 way your kids are going to or may look at him in a diff way as they dont share your same hate for there father as you do! If that makes since? 
Just tell them that their dad is not well…and can’t be with them right now…that he loves them…and cares about them…but he needs help with his health…Do not put him down nor berate him because of his failures…He already knows it…I would let them send cards,draw pictures for him…etc…and when he is sober visit with him…with supervision of course…I do hope you have had legal advice concerning him…if not you should…
Just explain it to them directly. No opinion, no theories. Just say he has addiction issues and isn’t in a place to be a parent right now.
Was he like that when you met him?I promise if you keep him totally out the kid will resent you for it. I know
Tell them he’s sick and needs to get better before he can see them again
Just tell them he is sick and when he gets well they will see him.
Tell them the truth in a loving and caring way and answer any questions they might have
He is sick, to sick to be able to be with them until he gets well. But he loves them dearly.
It’s not lying so yes tell them he’s unwell at the moment & hopefully trying to get better 
Al-Anon. Find a meeting near you. It’s an easy Google search and they are everywhere.
Seek counseling for your children
Tell them daddy is sick and he can’t be there until he gets better.
Don’t ever trash talk about him to them. Be gentle while explaining daddy is sick and it’s better for everyone that he lives separated. When they get older they will see for themselves how his sickness affects him and those around him. Do your best not to argue with him in front of them, show them how to deal with things in a peaceful, level headed manner. I did this with my two and they formed their own opinions about their father.
Telling a child the truth always works best. Age appropriate truth.
Start attending AL-ANON
You will find the empowerment you need.
CODA meetings online and in-person alateen for children heal yourself and you can heal them it’s like an oxygen mask on a plane parents must make sure that they’re okay first … You have the awesome job of breaking that cycle and you can do it you have everything within you God bless you.
The best thing you can do is be truthful with them when they are old enough to understand. Warn them of how their life has bee without him and let reality of life teach them!
Tu al. Igual que yo. Venimos de un padre alcohólico, pero yo decidí al, darme cuenta no tener otro hijo y separarme en el acto. Nunca le hable mal, el niño con los años se Dan cuenta y hoy en día ni se hablan.
They are 3 and 4 don’t tell them anything let them be kids
My GF’s son died from alcoholism. Get it under control now. God bless.
The truth hurts but lies hurt worse…be honest with them…
As a child of an alcoholic father and a mother of a child whose father was an addict the best thing you can do is be honest. Explain to them what’s going on and that it’s not that their daddy doesn’t love them he’s just sick. Honestly, honesty is always the best policy.
I feel like this is kind of complicated because personally as an addict in recovery, I don’t necessarily agree that drugs or drinking should stop you from seeing your kids, unless they are actively doing drugs/drinking in front of them or straight up neglecting them, I feel like they should still be allowed to see their kids regardless, it’s about the emotional connection, they deserve to have with their other parent regardless of their personal choices.
Even the addicts I know who have had their children taken away are still allowed supervised visits regardless if they can pass a drug test because they still deserve to have that emotional connection with them but obviously I am not in your situation and maybe he is being neglectful or doing drugs in front of them, if he is then you are completely right to not let them around him but if he’s being a good father regardless of being on drugs, I think he deserves a chance to be there or see his kids, even if they are just supervised visits, talking on the phone, or even a zoom call.
They are definitely not old enough to be told the truth though, children should not have to deal with adult matters, my boyfriends child just turned 9 and they just started telling her about serious topics, it ruined me as a child to be told adult topics that I didn’t actually understand, it made me grow up way too fast, so I’m not sure what you should tell them exactly, but I suggest maybe asking this question in an addiction support group where other people have these real personal experiences and can tell you exactly what they have said.
Sidenote: what other people are referring to as the truth, as in he is sick, I actually do agree with telling them that, that’s probably the best/easiest way to put it, I thought by truth people meant dead ass just telling them about drugs/addiction already and I don’t think that’s a topic they are ready for
Consult a pediatric psychologist for advice. Above all else, make sure they know he’s sick and it isn’t that he doesn’t love them. It’s not their fault. He has a disease.
You have chosen to leave…you did the right thing…is he in their lives at all? I was in your shoes…he revealed his true colors after my daughter was born…I walked…she never really asked about him until she was in middle school,…he died, never cared about her…on the few occasions that she did ask about him, I explained that life will bring bad and good people and it’s always best to avoid the bad…so sorry you’re in this situation…good luck!
From an addict clean from my doc almost a decade (but not without my faults) you let them know their daddy is sick and can not be there right now. You tell them he loves them, and when they are older and he is better they will be able to have the relationship they want, but right now daddy needs to get better.
So u basically had daddy issues and bred with the same kinda dude. This is on u
The truth in a way they understand xx
nothing like the truth
You need a mega dose of alanon !
Join the wives of alcoholics group on Facebook, we can help you
i dont ve any idea for u dear but i ll pray 4 ur child u dont take tention everything will be fyn in sha Allah