My son has been diagnosed with ADHD since he was 4, possibly autistic which I will find out more if he is next week. Plus he is also suffering from anxiety. My problem is that my Mom and his Dad have both told me that he wanted to harm himself because he cannot do good in school or he cannot get his homework correct like he wants it to be. He sees a counselor with DPH next week. What can I do until then to help him with this situation? This is one of us Mommies worst fear is to hear our kids that they want to hurt themselves. He is only 8 and if I don’t do anything I am afraid that I will loose my mind and would follow his footsteps after him. I am afraid to even leave him when I go to work more less let him out of my eye sight. Please can I have positive feedback. I am scared to death on this.
Has he ever been tested for a deviated septum in is nose? Have them make sure that there is an adequate amount of air flowing through each of his nostrils… So many children have been misdiagnosed because of this… The symptoms are the exact same and they are really sleep deprived and have been all their lives without knowing it.
Good schools should have teachers for these kids. That stupid school he had to go to didn’t. If not, you will have to teach him yourself.
Put him in counseling. My kid lost a friend to suicide at 13. She has never been the same, but therapy helped.
There are varying levels of suicidal ideation. Regardless, he needs intervention. If he is verbalizing hurting himself, he needs to be evaluated by a professional immediately. He needs to be told in no uncertain terms his performance does not determine his worth as a person.
Get him evaluated at an emergency room. They will evaluate for immediate risk to himself. And likely be able to get him into services faster. Good luck.
Please take him to counseling,you cant disregard a child at any age saying that,I had this problem with one of my grandsons.He still has severe anxiety and depression,so hopefully your son can be helped now to ensure his teen years aren’t a nighare for him.I feel your pain,He needs help now.
My son was in a similar situation. Meds helped SO much. And seeing a counselor regularly. Also the one on one time with Me as much as possible.
Mu daughter lost a friend to suicide at 13. It has hurt her heart so much. Please take him to the local hospital. Tell them what you’re telling us. I wish I would’ve gotten help early on. My mom waited until I was 12 and by then my head was so jumbled up
If he is on adhd meds I would check them bc they can cause situations such as this. I did have these issues with my oldest. I am also familiar with autism bc my youngest is autistic. Let him pick out a book and give him crayons pencils whatever he likes and let him write and draw about his feelings each day. This is one concept we learned. If they can also be allowed to rip it up and throw it away. Make sure u reinsure him daily, give positive feed, and valid his feelings.
Find stuff he can and does succeed at, no matter how small, and remind him of those. Find ways to remind him he is resilient. He started pre-school and adapted, he started regular school and adapted. He learned to ride a tricycle and adapted to a bigger bike maybe. He tried new foods and discovered ones he liked, he is good about getting dressed/taking baths/brushing teeth, staying seated while eating, being nice to little kids whatever he accomplishes regularly.
Lots of physical exercise and time in the sun outdoors, even if it’s cold out. Helps mood, ADHD, self-confidence and self-image.
If you don’t take him to the ER for a self-harm eval, call a suicide hotline and ask for suggestions.
Maybe let him sleep with you at night? Weighted blankets? Stuffed animals with womb sounds? Fidget toys like spinners, stress balls, poppers? Movies or books about overcoming anxiety and depression or dealing with feelings (Inside Out).
Would he be willing to learn meditation and breathing techniques or guided relaxation?
Does he have friends? Is he being bullied at school? Remind him that in general life gets better because we learn how to deal with stuff better. Remind him of all the people who love him.
Good luck mama! Try to stay calm so you can be his calm port in a storm. The things I listed are good to help you calm down too. Ommm…,
If your child is medicated, notify the Dr that prescribes it right away. It’s listed in the medicine information leaflet as a reason to notify your child’s Dr. He may need an adjustment to his medication or a different medication altogether. Get him into therapy.
Let him know his frustrations are valid. That you hear him… and feel his pain… BUT… THERE IS HOPE. He IS NOT STUPID!! Many people with different abilities such as ADHD… Are actually GENIUSES!!! Many truly amazing people in the world… that we consider geniuses… were ADHDers…and were often thought of as weird or different in their day. So let him know… we know so much more now… and there is hope… so please, hang on… don’t deny the world of your remarkableness… the world TRULY NEEDS more amazing people… the world is A MESS… Not him!!
Validation empathy and therapy have saved my oldest who suffers from social ideation abd self injurious behaviors. Give him an outlet whether it be a punching pillow a burn book my daughter loved going to a spot in the woods and just screaming her frustrations out. We have had to find the right medication and the right therapist. Thats made a huge difference. Get services in place now vs later. And if he is on meds make sure this isn’t an adverse effect. Validate how hard it is to concentrate and maybe share some times when it was hard for you.
If he takes meds might be a side effect. The right meds for brain conditions are tricky sometimes. Therapy dog maybe??
Your child’s mental health is far more important then school. Not everyone learns the same way and schools don’t really teach you they more have you memorize the same stuff over and over again. Reassure him that his grades don’t define him as a person, they are a teeny tiny fraction of his life. Hug him, find things he is good at and excels at and make that his focus point of the days. My son has the same exact issues with school. Love him through this!
This broke my heart reading this
Talk to your son in his calm place
My Moma and Grand Moma Bear instincts have kicked in all the way from Australia for you
Is there a child suicide hotline you can call now and explain your son has made threats to harm himself
And your affrade he may act on those threats
Tell them he is adhd , has an anxiety disorder and possibly autistic
Also stress how old he is And your his caregiver
There are special schools for children with these conditions .look into it in your county.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD and I tried everything before putting him on medication once I did he’s doing so much better in school
If he is taking medications, I know some medications can make people feel that way, that’s worth a start but my son will try to smack or scratch himself when he gets homework/test wrong. (He’s not medicated) I always tell him it’s ok to get things wrong, that we can’t always get them right! I let him talk to me about it a lot, and give him extra love and try to make him feel the like the best person he is. It helps! so once therapy starts for your son, it could help drastically! I will say that cyber school has helped in its own sense as well, because it’s easier to manage his adhd and I don’t let him see what his results are. Most of the time it’s something he can fill out, I can click out of and check his results later, so he doesn’t seem them! Plus his cyber teachers were more willing/able to work with me, with some of his issues that the public school doesn’t have time to do! The school reaches out a lot for us! I’m hoping therapy can help your little one! I’m sure you’re doing it, but just be his little best friend during these times and always make sure he feels validated! Best of luck
If he is on meds for ADHD, that’s a side effect. The doctor will then try to put him on an anti-depressant, it also has that side effect. My suggestion- take him to a child study center and have him actually tested. They will do brain scans and everything.
A lot of kids feel this way. School is not designed to serve children, just to hold them for parents to be able to go to work. I would just emphasize that grades don’t reflect him, and I would let the teacher know my child will not be doing homework (homework hurts learning outcomes, not helps them). In his free time, I would take him to the playground or other physically-engaging activities. Also, letting him know how great he is at other non-school activities. This is a daily effort.
I second what everyone above is saying about the side effect of the ADHD meds but also want to add that ADHD is one of the most misdiagnosed conditions in children. One study found that about 20% of the 4.5 million children currently identified as having ADHD likely have been misdiagnosed. Conditions that mimic ADHD are: bipolar disorder, autism, low blood sugar levels, sensory processing disorder, sleep disorders, hearing problems, or just kids being kids.
If he says he wants to hurt himself take him to the er immediately so they can admit him. Atleast he will be safe. Don’t play the ‘what if’ game with your baby.
Crisis center. Period.
IEP- 504 plans help my son feel better about school
My child who is currently 4 years old! Runs away on me in stores! Not to far except this last time! He has speech issues which we are dealing with! He has melt downs if he isn’t getting what he wants sometimes! He gets super frustrated easy! He has low attention span! Etc! I’m waiting for in person assessment for autism but I’m wondering if he might slight he adhd as well
My son went threw all of this a few years ago. We got him into a behavior school with an IEP a few years ago and it has helped so much! My son has aspbergers high anxiety and depression. He is going to be 12 in a few weeks and just started reintegration. Try to have him do positive talk before school. He might also have a very high IQ (my son does and he is in a gifted class) having a high IQ is very frustrating for kids because they know what they are learning but they still feel like they are behind when in reality they are ahead.
Get him checked into a facility where they do in house counseling. You never ever take that chance. I’m living without my daughter it hurts everyday
it sounds like your mom & his dad are listening & talking to him, Have you? Have you really sat down or go for a walk with your son & just listen to him? No cell phone, iPad or whatever, just walk & talk about everything & anything, Go to a park if by you, go to a beach by you, if there is one, Walk around the neighborhood & just look at things, talk about anything, Did does sound like you are trying
to get him the right help, but again, listen & talk to him
My daughter will is 5. When she fails or gets anxious/nervous, she bites herself, punches her arm, etc. We got her a 504-plan put in place at her school, she goes to therapy, and sees a specialist every 3-4 months to see her progress. She’s been getting so much better about it since we changed medication and dosage. It may be a side effect of what he’s taking. Talk to your doctor and take advantage of your options. Good luck, mama!
I would talk to his teachers about sped classes and IEP’s. In my town there’s a company that sends people to your house to work with them in their environment.
Take that child straight t the hospital an get him some help before it’s too late! Praying for you and most especially him.
Give him a way to redirect his frustration. Like a speed ball bag or a punching bag. My sons 10 and I went through that. He started hitting people and I about lost my mind until I was given the advice to redirect his frustration. Now how you decide to redirect is up to you but I went with a punching bag.
Your son needs what is known as lethal means counceling immediately
Call his doctor right away for therapy
My BS14 and SD10 both have ADHD. My so struggles still with homework (A/B) student but when it comes to writing answers to questions he struggles but I had him put in therapy and he learnt little ways to cope like tapping his fingers on his non-writing hand on his leg, touching his fingers tips with his thumb index to pinky and back, foot tapping, or leg bouncing are some of the ways my sons OT taught him to cope with it. On days he was real bad I would have him tell me the answer to the questions I would write what he said and he would rewrite them. Also look into what can cause intense flair ups of ADHD the main ones are red dye 40 and unfortunately its in alot of food/drinks/sweets and caffeine. Also get him in therapy to help him understand theres nothing wrong with him hes just a little different and thats a good thing. There are alot of famous and successful people who are autistic/ADHD/dyslexic ect. and one day he can be too
First things first. Only allow him to do a couple tasks at a time. When he is finished. Give him a break and then have him get back at it. Second make an appointment at a Psychiatric evaluator to have a plan made. We/they made a 504 plan for school. Being overwhelmed is the biggest thing with all of these diagnoses. Basically they ask your kiddo to complete tasks that are way below his abilities. And they see at what point he gets bored with it. Then they ask him to do tasks that are at or above his ability and see what his processing ability is. Get the school on board. Immediately speak to the school counselor about starting a 504 plan. They have more in-depth plans that are way better. You and you alone can set the limits for a 504. But for now. Set tasks he can complete and feel good about. Making his bed is huge. Every time he walks into his room he will see his bed is made and feel good about accomplishing it. Have him help you fold towels and such. Simple tasks that he can complete and feel like he helped with.
No body should push this kind of kid give him a candy bar for getting C s give him a great toy for getting B s if he does a chore tell him you don’t know what you would do with out him he’s so helpful and how well he’s keeping his room. How much better he signs his name compliment this kid tilyour blue in the face if you see him smiling more. It’s working
Talk to him. Let him know everyone is different. He is better at ???, some are better at reading. Some can run faster than others. There are people that help when we need it. That’s ok. Everyone is different.
If your school has an after school program or an in school program such as title 1, I would highly recommend it. It’s not the same as your traditional special Ed. This program will only pull him out of regular subjects that he’s struggling in.
My son is autistic, but high functioning. Diagnosed, partly by age 3.
I started early with pre school,small group, Abecka(?) courses. Then he got help through the public school system for about 6 years. I kept in close contact with his teachers,( volunteering at school or filling in as and aid, teacher, or whatever they needed); he and I did his school (he did it I checked it and we discussed it) work together, we worked on social skills and boundaries. We did have him mostly in private schools until he was in the 6 th grade. We moved for work every 2 years so it was hard. He was also on medication until the 10 grade.
He is now going to college, at his pace, doing well. He still suffers from anxiety, and stress. He prefers animals to people, (at this point in my life I think I do too.)
When he was younger he was convinced life was too hard, and I shouldn’t have had him.
Long story, but get all the help you can, you can’t help him if you’re not knowledgeable and strong. We did school work all summer long, to keep him up, we put him in sports(even though he wasn’t sports minded) tag football, soccer, softball, karate, and lastly piano. By then he was in high school, he took art classes, choir, in stead of the sports. He faced a set back in college, totaling bombing out the first semester, the second one he did well, but developed a MS type illness and is now in a wheelchair, BUT he does college on line and is doing well. Yes, he still fights depression, but he has a plan and vision for his future.
My oldest struggled with bullying, and they self harmed. They learned to draw on their arms in place of the alternative. I stayed readily available to them and clearly let them know I’m always in their corner as much as I could.
Find confidence boosting activities and give them a little push at first to join, and keep finding things I’d they decide its not for them. It seems when dealing with adverse self image issues that little extra push in the beginning is needed, but eventually they will their place.
Number one? Get the school off his little back. Be his advocate. You’re his ONLY one. Do NOT let the school berate him for things he can’t control. At the same time don’t let it become an excuse for him. Get him to a therapist. I have a very long story with my child but number one? Get the school off his back. Children with ADHD hear almost nothing but negative from their teachers and school staff. The kids jump on that bandwagon and treat the child in question the same way (on top of not meeting “normal” social “standards”, and not always catching on to social queues)
I’d recommend that you both get into therapy. This isn’t your fault, you tried to do what was right for your child. Definitely seek counseling, maybe an individual counselor for your son and one that you can do family therapy with.
First of all , cut that man out for good. Second talk to your son about how some people is just like that and has nothing to do with us. Explain him that there are other children with no mother, or no father, or any of them, other kids with two mothers, or 2 fathers, explain him that the world is like that and he has to understand that what other people do it doesn’t have anything to do with us, that’s their heart and that’s why we have to learn how to be different and not hurt other people. Tell him that he is loved for a lot of people and he will find people in life that won’t love him and that’s okay. He has to worry about being a good human being , love and respect others.
I think he doe need a role model have you considered asking a male family member or signing him up for big brothers?
Cut this man completely it’s affecting your son he just can’t come and go when he pleases
Seek counseling for the both of you. Go to court to file for abandonment and let your child decide when he is older if he wants a relationship with his useless father
I agree with Lorena. Don’t let his dad back in. The whole yo-yo parenting is not helping. If he wants gone, he stays gone. You’ve tried all you can and now it’s time to look out for your child. Therapy may be a good start, so is always reassuring him. Make sure he always know he’s loved and that you’ll always be with him regardless of dad being in the picture or not. Say, while he may not have a dad, he is just as loved and cared for as the other kids.
First of all cut any further contact. You know exactly how it’s going to go based on the pattern of the past. And your child is too old now to not notice his absent father.
Also get your kiddo in to therapy. Also let him know that you love him and will always be there. There are many kids without one parent or the other. He will be better off in the long run without an in & out parent.
Do not let him come back into your life. He is only hurting your son. Get him and yourself into therapy. It is not your fault. It is that deadbeats fault.
Cut the father completely loose! Male role models are needed. Sign him up for big brother programs. If, as he gets older, he wants a relationship with his father, let him do it. He will then realize his “father” is really just a sperm donor!
I would get him therapy. Also tell him that not everyone has their mum and dad. Im sure there will be a book on it some where that may help. As for the ‘father’ if he asks for contact again tell him it needs to be consistent or not at all if he says he’ll be consistent but then lets your son down again tell him to go through court. Never feelba failure you did what you thought was best for your son.
Adhd is something he was born with. It’s not because of any external source. Now that we have cleared that up. You’re a great mother for trying to give your kid the father he deserves. Your kids dad sucks for taking advantage and hurting his child. This time its hard cut off until the child asks to see him. Your parents absolutely can be toxic and unsafe to a child. I’d recommend finding a psychiatrist for both he adhd and the issues with his father. Bring the bullying up to the school, way too many kids in nontraditional families now for a kid to be bullied for that.
Why do you keep allowing him to do this? Stand your ground, he is in and out of that poor boys life and only you can do something about it.
He’s not a dad if he just walks in and out of his child’s life as if his mindset if like (oh I’ve seen him for now, I’ll leave him be for another few years until I feel like seeing him.) say no, not until he decides to stay more then a few months otherwise stop coming.
From one single momma to the next my son is 10 an has unfortunately has to deal with the same type of situation minus the bullying , find him a male figure of a friend to look up to someone he can do “guy stuff” with. I’m horrified when the time comes to talk about male things that start happening to the body, even though my son is super comfortable with him self with me I just don’t think I’ll have the right answer I know I can always ask my brothers to talk to him about it but it bothers me as a mother.
Your not alone momma sending lots of love
I highly reccomend thearpy like many others said for both of you. I know how you feel with the mom guilt. Going through something similar with my daughter’s dad. But you’re doing a great job and don’t be so hard on yourself
You shouldn’t have let the dad come in and out of his life so many times. That did more harm than good. Poor kid.
For the bullies that’s saying things to your son let him tell them that his dad has a brain injury because he obviously has one to do these in and out of life thing and it’s his fault nobody else’s especially not you and your son. Call these kids parents and tell them the same that he is not fatherless but his father has a brain injury and he can’t take care of his son so that way it’s not a lie and the parents can tend to their bully kids before they harm others asap
ADHD is a genetic condition. It isn’t caused by behaviour, trauma or any environmental factors. So don’t blame yourself.
I went through this with my ex-husband and my six children. He would often go to years for your six years in between visits and now as an adult he tries to convince them that I kept them away from him. So my suggestion is document document document. That way when your child is an adult his dad can’t lie and try to make you look like the bad guy because believe me the child wants the abandon parents love so badly that they will believe it to get their life. And you will end up with an estrangement and there is nothing more painful than that. Because I’m going through it
I would gave stopped contact def after the 2nd time he took off. It is better for your son that he be gone permanently than in and out.
You have had how many chances to keep the dead beat dad out of his life but yet here you are!!! POOR CHOICES…
ADHD has nothing to do with rejection, adhd is in the child when the child is born
Males like that discust me. I didn’t even give my baby daddy that option. I said either all in or all out. I couldn’t handle seeing my baby suffer through that.
Seek counseling for you and your child. It’ll do you both good.
Do not allow the sperm donor back into either of your lives. Keep everything documented so that if he WERE to try again, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Being a parent is an all the time thing not a whenever you want thing- imo he lost the right to be called “dad”. Get sole custody, its been long enough- file to strip any rights that he has.
Get your son in counseling, it can help with the adhd as well, and the struggles from everything with the sperm donor. Id also go up the “ladder” with the school, until something is done regarding the bullying (teachers, guidance counselor, VP, Principal, and if that gets no where- superintendent)… some kids can be cruel nowadays & its awful.
Don’t beat yourself up, for the sperm donor being such a POS. Just always remind him you are there, & you love him, That reassurance will probably be needed for him for a bit.
You yourself might benefit from some counseling as well-to deal with your emotions from everything too.
First I suggest counseling for you and son. It can help work through emotions. Secondly, next time Dad wants to be there say NO. If he cannot be consistent, I wouldn’t let him keep hurting your son like that.
Why would you allow that man to continually do that to your child? Therapy and check out your local big brother programs
You can’t cause ADHD. I would start with some behavioral therapy, maybe some trauma therapy.
My son is 17 now. And we have been through this exactly!! I know where you are coming from, where your son is coming from!! The anger and the sadness!! It’s so terribly sad. I really wish that I had kept my son in therapy throughout his life to help with his emotions. He went, but it was only like a year. My advice is to get him in therapy and keep him there. Bc he will always have these feelings inside that’s hard to deal with.
Tell your son to tell those kids they are lucky and he hopes it never happens to them, because anyone can walk away at anytime!
My husband has adhd. He’s 30. I notice it gets really bad when he’s stressed and under pressure. I’m sure these bully kids are causing this unnecessary stress to your son making it difficult with the adhd. My husband will have outbursts, difficulty communicating and expressing feelings that usually leads to frustration and ultimately these outbursts. I have been with my husband for almost 12 years. He is not medicated and usually does well working through it. But like I said stress impacts him. I would have your son see a doctor. There is many options out there for management. I just wanted to share my personal experience with adhd my husband is an amazing man and great provider but I do wish he would talk to someone and consider some type of management because when he’s so stressed it’s difficult to watch him navigate as he is his own worst enemy none of this is your fault- so please stop blaming yourself hugs mama.
Take the sperm donor to court and get the child support you are overdue! Make him pay for helping to mess the son up by being a crappy father
take your son to see a therapist, And you do know this isn’t your fault, And talk to your son, don’t make excuses for his dad, & DON"T say anything bad about him either, Just tell your son, he is busy at this time, it is not convenient for him to visit & leave it at that. If your son asks why, explain, you really don’t know. But get your son to a therapist
Counseling for your son and yourself. You are not in control of anyone else, and you tried to do what you thought was right by allowing the man the chances. It’s so difficult to know the right choice at the time, yet so easy for folks that haven’t faced the situation, in your shoes, to make judgements. We’re all doing the best we can.
You tell that boy there is nothing wrong with him. You build his confidence! It is his father that is making poor choices and he will regret it one day. You take on the father roll or find a male figure to take up time with him. You listen to your son when he speaks!
Kinda going through the same thing. You are a great mother that wants the father be in his life. Most fathers think we keep the kids away from them but they dont realize there is mothers like us who want the father in their kids life. Unfortunately though back & forth being in his life is only going to hurt more in the long run. I wouldn’t let the father keep doing this again. Find a male figure to help the missing piece in his life. You & your son go to counseling. I am sorry your son is going through this. I pray your situation only gets better from here. Prayers.
I would strongly suggest counseling for your son and possibly yourself as well.
You stop allowing a man to come in and out of your child’s life. Some men never grow up and only see kids when it’s convenient. I could write a book. Save yourself and your son the heartache. Get him in therapy because he will have abandonment issues and will blame himself for not being worthy of his fathers love.
Look into big brothers and big sisters in your area.
I gave my oldest’s dad one chance. He popped up when she was 9 begging for a chance to be in her life. I told him, I’ll allow it but the first time you break your promise, or blow her off you’re done. He called her once. Couple years later, same thing. I told him to fuck off bc he had his chance and blew it. I suggest finding a counselor or therapist for your son and yourself. They can help a great deal.
Reach out to local organizations. Around us we have boys and girls clubs and see about getting him a big brother. A male role model that could possibly give him the experiences he’s lacking. No one can ever replace a father but it could help. Also, therapy. Someone unbiased to help him understand his feelings and help him work through them in a healthy way. Most importantly, don’t blame yourself. We all make mistakes no matter how perfect some like to make themselves look… at the end of the day you were just trying to help your son have a relationship with his father. His fathers actions made him feel the way he does, not yours! Just keep being the loving mother you are and use every resource to help him heal.
Oh that poor baby boy… I would hurt that man if he ever tryed that shit again! Let that man go! and cut all ties! That baby boy don’t need that poor excuse for a father in his life.
I have a blended family with 5 kids only the 2 year old we had together so the other 4 have different dads and mom and they are the same way around when it’s convenient.3 out of the 4 have add/adhd and other issues but that’s something they are born with so it’s not your fault
I went through this with my kids’ dad and I know how hard it is to cover for an absent parent. To struggle with what the right thing to do is, while still ensuring that your baby doesn’t feel like he’s not enough for his dad. For starters you need to stop blaming yourself for choices HE made!!! You did everything right! Instead of letting yourself become bitter about his treatment of your child you continuously gave him the opportunity to know his son. He chose to treat his son like a hobby, only paying any attention when it was convenient for him. I think at this point your son is old enough for you to have a REAL conversation about his relationship with his dad. Be compassionate, but be honest. This is hurting your baby and YOU. You both need to find a way for your child to be able to cope and be supported. Help him figure out what he wants to do about HIS relationship with his dad. All you can do is keep being both mom & dad so your kiddo doesn’t feel he missed out on anything. Keep loving him enough that he doesn’t feel like he lost out on something. Good luck momma!!!
Take him to a therapist first off… it may help you as well. Stop blaming yourself. You were trying to not keep a dad and son away from one another there is nothing wrong with that. If you came on here saying you kept him away so many more would bash you and still say it is your fault. The world is just messed up these days. You can’t win for nothing. Is his dad possibly on drugs/addict or struggling with mental illness? I believe those factors have a lot to do with absent parents. That’s why mine was in and out… my mom never kept us from him either when he would pop back up. Then my mom was in and out later on in life bc of the same reason…. Which doesn’t excuse it but if those do factor in explain them to ur son so he has a better understanding that it isn’t cause he doesn’t love him it’s that he struggles and is sick and without him taking care of those things he can’t make his self do what he needs to do…. If those aren’t factors…. Tell your baby that you love him and your gonna do your best to make up for what he is lacking in a dad. That not all dads/moms live up to what God called them to be. If you can find a family member that is a man and ask them to take him under their wing and do guy things and be involved really might help to.
Therapist for him to work his feelings out about this. ADHD is NOT anyones fault. It is genetic. And actually getting treatment for it will help MANY areas in his life. He may even be able to process the dad situation better. It helped with self confidence as well. He will turn out to be just fine! Just keep that door closed and don’t allow dad to walk in and out of his life.
I want to begin with ADHD is genetic, my daughter has it and she got it from my husband. So the social upbringing would not create ADHD. You have also done what you can to include father in your sons life, just be honest with your son on all his questions and talk his feelings out with him when they arise.
For the bullying, there’s a few things I tell my daughter when this happens, embrace what they say. If kids said she’s fatherless she’d say yes I am, but I have an awesome mom! The less kids believe it’s bothering you son the less they’ll bully him, they are looking for the reaction. Now this doesn’t mean your son disregards it at all, but that’s something you and him can heal at home from, start therapy.
As for the father, let him do his thing, but as a mom you show your son all the love, single parents can be enough, stop believing you aren’t.
I really hate how some guys think they can leave and pop back in whenever it’s convenient for them. Makes me sick. Children are a blessing and are a lifetime commitment. I’ll say a few prayers for you guys. And I hope things get better for you both! Good luck mama!
My daughters dad did the same thing…it’s sad
I had this very same issue with my son,therapy and counselling,some people don’t know how to be a parent, this behaviour can be very damaging in the later years,some men have no conscious and don’t realise how their behaviour can affect their kids in the long run,it’s very very sad as the good father’s get a bad name cos of the absent fathers.
Please get your sweet baby boy into therapy/counseling to help him deal with all of these emotions. My son is 16 and was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6. I’ve had him in Behavioral therapy/Counseling since he was in 4th grade and it has worked wonders. Also, with ADHD comes anger and impulsiveness. They can help him work through those emotions.
Also, spend dedicated one on one time with him. Take him to lunch, always, every chance you get always tell him how proud you are of him and that you’ll always be there for him etc. Hug him lots!!! Randomly tell him you love him ALOT. Keep reassuring him that his father’s choices are not his fault.
Lastly, DO NOT allow that ass to ever see or talk with YOUR son again! He has had more than enough chances to step up and be the man his son needs him to be and he failed miserably several times over. Say, NO MORE!! You have to put your child’s emotional needs above his selfish ones. It’s not fair to that baby!!! Be the momma he needs you to be. Give yourself grace. We are all learning as we parent. We don’t have a manual to tell us how. When you know better, do better!!! As for the bullying, kids are assholes. Make calls to the Principal, Guidance Counselor even the School board if needed!! Have them put a stop to it. My son was bullied as well, until 7th grade. He is a Junior now and all is going fairly good. Things will get better, but it’s a constant struggle of advocating for your son against ANYONE that will or is hurting him!!!
I was the kid that the father was absent. Be up front and honest with your son and tell him some parents do not know how to parent. They are selfish, doesn’t mean they don’t love them just love themselves more. It’s often to hard for them to parent it’s their own choice to be a lazy parent. And get counseling. It took me into my 30’s to realize it wasn’t me!
My daughters father was the same way. I cut ties completely after several chances. Once she was old enough (around 10) i let her begin to make her own decisions about him. My daughter is now 17 and has seen his actions. She has seen he has not supported her financially at all. She has seen who was there for her 24/7. She has seen who bends over backwards and moves mountains and its not him. She has no respect for him. She tolerates him but she knows he will be around for a while and then fall off again. Unreliable. Unstable. Irresponsible. Let your son learn for himself or he will harbor ill feelings towards you.
Do you have a big brother organization where you live? I went through the same thing when my boys were little .I stopped all contact because I felt like i was enabling the deadbeat to hurt my boys. I contacted my local police station and they got me a big brother ! It helped tremendously!
Your son is at the age we’re u are dad. My kids dad did the is not in. My kids dad I married 2x divorced 2x he well the last time I put him in prison when my son was 5 month he got out 2017 and has seen my son 3 x trust me your kid is gonna be a very understanding child
I highly suggest kiddo going to therapy to help with coping. I would file abandonment and child support on father. If he’s not going to be there emotionally for his son he can at least support him financially. I’m sorry you guys are going through this
You are not to blame; dad has free will and you couldn’t correct him if you tried. I think that by now it’s clear that giving him access in the future is hurtful for your son. Specialized counselors can help you play games with him that help him feel seen and loved, and strengthen y’all’s bond. Unless that man gave you a clear description of “I’m gonna make you pregnant, then leave you, then come back to drive our son mad every few years”, please stop blaming yourself. Your baby needs you strong and loved