Hello, I just want some knowledge about dating someone who has bipolar disorder/depression. I have been dating a terrific guy for the past nine months now. A few months into our relationship, he opened up and told me he had bipolar disorder. He takes medicine, and I’m pretty sure it’s under control-ish. He’s very kind, has a wonderful heart, treats my son and me so good! He is just the best guy ever, and I absolutely love him. The past few weeks, he has been distant, just very quiet. He’s usually a laid-back guy, but he is not himself. I just feel like I’m in a relationship with a wall. We had a wonderful sex life, and now he’s just never in the mood. Between him being quiet and not ever wanting sex, I was taking it personally and thinking we were going to break up. Then I remembered that he has bipolar disorder. I know I need to be patient and understanding. My son and I have been over his house the past week, and when he gets home, he drinks every night. Just beer; he doesn’t get sloppy or mean. I wouldn’t even know he was drunk unless I saw all his emptied cans. He probably has 12-16 beers a night. He wakes up and goes to work like he didn’t drink. When we first got together, he definitely wasn’t drinking this much. I’m worried. I want the best for him. He’s isolating himself in alcohol and pushing me away. I’ve asked if everything is okay, and he’s just like, “yeah, just tired from work.” I know he struggles with self-esteem because of having bipolar. I want the best for him. I want our intimate relationship back. I want him to be happy and not isolated. I feel like I’m putting way more effort into this relationship than him. I don’t think he realizes it because of his disorder. How do I gently talk to him about this? I want to be with him. It’s pushing me away, and I hate it because I know who he is underneath this problem. How do I fix it?
Alcohol isn’t a good idea with bipolar especially daily drinking. Most people take medication and alcohol can effect how the medication is metabolized by the body.
Sad deal there. If i we’re you for your child’s sake mostly I’d move on!
If he’s in medication for bi-polar then he shouldn’t be drinking.This is a problem I know off with a few couples
He definitely shouldn’t be drinking if he’s on medication. I’m on it as well. Try to get him to talk to someone.
Yes. He needs to talk to someone about why he’s self-medicating and if meds need adjusting. Sounds like depressive part of bi-polar.
I initially didn’t want to write this, but changed my mind. The majority of people with Bipolar never stay on their meds for life. They take them for awhile get better then stop and get bad. It’s a life of total opposites, up and down all the time, hardly ever a middle ground. When they’re good it’s good and when their bad it’s the worst. The stress becomes unbearable and you essentially end up a caregiver, a dumping ground, and you and your child will always be going through it. Drinking, drugs, serial cheating, gambling, etc. any one of, a combination or all will accompany the bad times. I wouldn’t wish this on any sane person. It’s a life of misery for most. Ive been there, I wouldn’t stay if I were you. It’s early on and would be a lot easier to walk away now. If not for you, then do it for your child, because this could end up being very traumatic for the child and ultimately shape his thoughts, behavior, life altogether.
I am bipolar and I understand both sides, sometimes we are really happy and nothing can make us mad, sometimes everything can make us uptight and then there are periods of plain sadness. Just try to get him to talk if u can , maybe ask if he’s even taking his meds? It’s hard , my dad has bipolar too and before I was diagnosed I was like wow!
I get very distant and have no sex drive when I’m in my depressive episodes. It very well could just be that. All you can really do for him is be there and let him know he can open up if/when he is ready and wants to. Don’t push too hard though.
Im bipolar. It cycles. Periods of manic episodes. They see you active. Energetic. Excited. Happy. Attentive. Just amazing and loving life with zero apprehensions. Can last days, weeks or months. Then the cycle shifts to a low. Visible depression. A low mood. Struggle with motivation. Self worth , physical and emotional connections and that sort of thing. It’s a cycle this phase will also pass. In the low part of the cycle interacting can be hard because it can actually make you physically tired. Meds do not get rid of this cycling. It makes the highs less high. And the lows less low. Yes it’s actually more common people with bipolar stay on their meds than not. The thought they do not is a myth . Our meds do not make you a zombie. Im actually.on an epilepsy medication that stabilises my mood. It affects no other part of me other than balancing my mood cycles. I’m more than happy to chat in messenger if you need more info. I have bipolar. My oldest child has bipolar. So I know what it is to have it and also to live with someone who has it.
He sounds like he’s going thru the depressive mode right now with the bipolar.
Drinking that much is the worst thing he can do. I was with a man who is also bipolar he finally got help and the alcohol and meds don’t mix they make the mental issues worse. My ex is now a convicted felon because od mixing meds and alcohol. Also “only beer” your guy is an alcoholic do you want your son to think thay is normal? I get wanting to be there for him but that is a lot of alcohol a day and there is no way any good will come out of your relationship as long as he drinks.
I would ask if he is on the same meds as before. The amount he drinks is more concerning to me than his mood disorder. I know that tiny disruption in nutrition, sleep, emotions, etc can cause a episode for a person with a mood disorder. Substances such as alcohol, nicotine, and drugs have drastic side effects. Alcohol depresses a persons system. If he is not open to your opinion and to educated himself about how to manage his disorder and health then you should move on .
I’m bi polar / add and this sounds like my life unfortunately. My partner drinks with me in my downs and it seems the easiest for me to open up I know it’s not the healthiest route but it works for us.
He’s probably in a manic phase. I do all this too when I’m manic and it can last a while… just make sure to talk to him even if he doesn’t talk. It’s hard being bipolar and in a relationship
You tube channel called Polar warriors
Everyone saying about the drinking Most people that have a mental disorder self medicate. It’s what helps us weather it be drugs/alcohol. This is not helping anything but only making it worse but you can’t change that only he can when he is ready to make the change himself
You can’t fix this unfortunately. I’ve lived this life for a long time. It’s very difficult at times. The highs and lows will make you feel crazy and lonely, just know it’s not you. He needs to have his meds adjusted and absolutely should not be drinking while taking them. Your going to have many times that you question your relationship. This is something I’m going to tell you will drain you. It’s something you need to really think about. Can you handle the constant ups and downs. Do you find yourself losing you or changing to accommodate him. If you feel you want to talk I can absolutely walk you through this. But, be prepared to be heartbroken and crushed at times because their is no fixing him. You can support him and encourage. However, ultimately this will be a situation where you will have zero control at times.
Alcohol is a depressant on its own and is habit forming and risky to ANYONE bipolar or not. It sounds like he is cycling…is there any certain thing that has happened around this time of the year to possibly of caused an emotional trauma or change in his life in the past that may be triggering him? Let him know you are there for him to talk to try to encourage him to go on social outings even if it is just nighly walks around the block to engage interaction between the two of you or the three of you. Isolation is part of cycling when it comes to being bipolar. ALOT of talented amazing people are bipolar one out of every three people have a mental illness. That’s just the ones who seek out help. There is no shame in getting to healthier state of mind
I find the problem with me is medicated everything is plain vanilla, calm, steady, no real mood changes. So occasionally I self sabotage and don’t take my medication for a week or so so start to cycle into depression. Just be straight and say that you have observed a change in his mood and are concerned that he may be in a depressive cycle and ask if he is taking his meds. No judgement or blame just an observation you made.
I have bi poler and I would say approach it differently maybe have a date night and try talking it out has anything haplend that could have triggered this he’s defo drinking to cope with how he’s feeling its normal to hsve these episodes with the condition and if he won’t talk to you at least you have tried but it’s also okey for you not to feel okey even if you don’t have any mental health its bound to have an effect on you so you also need to put your self first and if this has been going on for a, while he’s defo not going to stop right away he may slowly come out of this mood he’s in i find distraction is great mayve go for a jog togeather which will relise happy endorphins just try not to push for answers as that could make him worse but you do need to tell him his its making you feel
Mental/brain illness can affect sexual abilites and he may not realize his behaviour is diff. Mental illness has me at home from wk right now as i was sayin/doin weird things at wk. I lost my sexual abilities too. Weekly therapy is good idea for any mental patient. As far as your child, ive cut people out of my life that affect my sons negatively. Im not shy about it at all i dont care if grown ups get their feelings hurt to keep toxicity away from my kids. If this man isnt willing to do therapy/something to get better than maybe your child shouldnt be around him. Mental illness isnt anything to be ashamed of but getting treatment is a must. If you cant afford therapist there are apps that you can download on your phone for emotional support/guidance. I use Dare. Good luck to you
run a mile - as quick and as fast as you can
You can’t — get out.
He definitely should not be drinking 15 cans of beer a night on top of his medication!! I hope you can talk to him and be honest! I pray he gets the help he needs! Good luck!
As someone in recovery who is also bipolar, chose your words carefully. Men are super sensitive under the microscope as is when they don’t have drinking and mental health issues. Most meds aren’t to be taken with alcohol, and that could be a big part of what’s throwing his normal self out of order. Be caring and loving, try not to accuse or point fingers. And be willing and open to hearing him out, and truly listen. My husband “hears me” but does NOT listen with intention when I speak about my mental health and then acts like he’s blind sighted when something triggers me. Good luck 
The drink sounds a issue and if can get up like not drunk that’d suggest drink maybe an issue. It doesn’t mix with any mental health condition. But he needs to recognise it himself. You just treat him normal don’t treat him any different to before you knew diagnosis.
My man is bipolar and used to have mood swings really bad. He’d sleep his days away when he’d go into depression and avoid us all. He wasn’t a talker at first and I had to break down that wall when he was ready. So I started sitting in his lap and just hugging him. I just held him every time I noticed something was off I told him just hug me until you’re okay. And he started to open up to me and eventually cried to me and told me what’s going on in his head. I have to reassure him often but I also try to speak so much love into my man and let him know his feelings are very valid. What he is feeling is very real to him and he’s more miserable in his head than you think. He can’t drink on his meds either. But we talk about every emotion when he’s having it and I usually tell him how to handle his feelings in that moment and then he’s good. He has to want to change though and work through his feelings for your son or he can’t be around your son it’s not healthy and that’s what I also told my man. I have a son to raise who needs to be brought up the right way
Hi I’m bipolar type 1 what he is going through is just an episode of low mood it doesn’t matter how much medication or therapy a person takes or has they are going to go through both highs and lows don’t give up on him he needs you to be there now more then ever I have a husband and a 7 yr old my husband supports me 100% it took him awhile to learn my moods but it is possible his sex drive will come back and don’t take it personally hun it has nothing to do with you he loves you just the same and can’t help it as for the drinking he is trying to self medicate through his depression maybe try to talk to him about talking to his psychiatrist to start a medication to help through his depression but ok don’t give up on him give him time to get through this be there for him the best you can he deserves love to best wishes
All you people shaming him for having a mental illness and telling her to run should be ashamed of thematic and as for the drinking it’s called self medicating through a depressive episode which is worse then being in a mania is it healthy no but he can’t help himself he is on medication she said so he is trying to help himself it’s not like he’s not as far as not wanting to have sex it’s all apart of the lies his sex drive will come back I have bipolar type 1 and we all deserve to be loved and have someone there for us
Sounds like he may need a med adjustment.
Wonder if he stopped his meds? And 12 to 16 a night!? This is a RED FLAG. PERIOD. You need to reevaluate!
It really upsets me that people just immediately say “leave.” Mental health is a big issue and if we don’t have people in our corner its what leads to so many suicides. You don’t know how hurtful that is to hear that when someone needs help…I have BPD as well as both of my brothers. One of them is a drinker (just like described above) due to past trauma. After living with him for about a year of time I found that the drinking spurts either means he’s off his meds or he needs a med adjustment. He needs intervention asap. Try to get him to talk to his psychiatrist. If he’s not off his medication explain he may need to change or up his meds. If he is off his meds that’s such a frustrating thing because they generally spiral until they finally realize they need them again. He may need to be admitted. Regardless he needs to stop the drinking stat. Drinking and BPD to not mix with or without meds.
Doesn’t seem like a bipolar issue… I dated this great guy for 10 months and I mean everything about the relationship was great… I met him during a manic so he seen who I was at that super fun impulsive time but at the end I kept giving him the cold shoulder until he broke up with me and I was relieved. I felt like he was smothering me… we’re still good friends but if you’re asking online people how to fix him I’d say just leave. Maybe it’s not the bipolar but he’s such a nice guy he doesn’t know how to end the relationship… especially hard when kids are involved.
There is no fixing him.It isn’t under control if he is drinking while taking meds.You will be a victim of his circumstances if you stay.Not only you,but your kids and anyone else close in your circle.Please don’t allow Yourself to think you are in love with what you want to see and not what is really there in front of you.
I have bipolar Type 2 which is more of the down sides verses maniac and on a ‘high’
Those down episodes can last days-months or longer and the meds aren’t meant to prevent the down moods, they’re meant to make your moods less severe nothing 100% takes them away.
You learn to cope, and maybe before you the beer was his way of coping and it’s just what is comfortable for him.
He needs to find another outlet and it’s not easy at all especially when someone else brings up the issue, it’s embarrassing and there’s tons of people who are ashamed they even have a mental disorder. Also
Some people “black out” during their maniac episodes and very EXTREME lows. Memory is already an issue for someone who is bipolar and the extremes make it harder.
He needs to find a way to get out of his head and find the other outlet.
Exercise helps a lot or just going for a walk
As someone with bipolar, who quit drinking . You need to sit down with him and let him know, he’s loved and you’re worried. Personally for me, I had really hard time with dealing with my ups and downs and self medicated with drinking but it draws it out longer and makes both directions more intense.
Say exactly this…to him ultimately it up to him the disorder makes it a bit more difficult to say cut and run
You don’t. Wish him the best from afar, with you and your son safe. Specific to the drinking…you can’t and won’t change that. Been there, done that.
u dont ‘gently’ talk to him. u sit him down and tell him how ur feeling…i have MDD and i go thru phases. usually when i dont take my meds…and thats when my husband talks to me …is he taking his meds? that could make a HUGE difference
Being someone who has bipolar and been it the same relationship for almost 15 years it took my husband 2 years to take down my walls. We need to feel safe and our partner needs to be patient and understanding. As for the alcohol if he’s on meds it’s reacting and causing his moods to be worse. Be sensitive choose your words but be to the point so that we know you care and your trying to help. He will see that and trust you more. In the beginning of a relationship we try to hide the best we can eventually it does boil over and it can get extremely emotional but as long as your patient and supportive he will come around he just needs to trust that his mental health won’t lose you or you lose patience with him. It’s a process and it’s hard but if you truly love him you will learn more about it together or apart 
you guys got this just need tools in place
Im with someone who is bipolar. He drinks heavily and can turn on a dime. I actually moved from Colorado to Massachusetts to be with him. I wasnt fully aware of how bad he was until it was too late. Now Im stuck living with him until I find my own place. Its absolute HELL and I would run far away!!! People with bipolar can turn on you in a heartbeat and say the most horrible sh*t to you. I would get out of this relationship while there is still a window because if you don’t, he will ruin your child. Take it from someone who knows first hand.
You can’t fix him. And won’t. Especially if he has had some kind of trauma that he is suppressing, hence the drinking… I was in a similar relationship. The drinking, the bi polar issues, the non communication, all of it. You will go crazy trying to “fix” him. You will lose yourself trying. As much as you love him and want things back to how they were before, my advice to you is get out. It’s only going to get worse, especially if he drinks like that. Stupidly, I stayed for 2.5 years b/c when the “highs” rolled around he was wonderful and I thought, man this is great!! But after a while he was having more and more of the “low” days for a longer period of time and they were absolutely horrible. Bi polar or not noone deserves to be treated like shit… believe me, I know it’s harder said than done but if you have children you owe it them to be in a healthy relationship! 
So here is my perspective as an RN-
If you are with someone with bipolar disorder- even on medicine- there will still be “highs and lows.” Which is depression and mania. With medication, the swings will just not be as severe. Many people think this happens all the time. Typically bipolar cycles every 6 months or so.
With this limited amount of information, it seems he is in a low. It is typical to self-Medicare with alcohol during this time.
You have to decide if this is something you are ok with going through.
My best friend was bipolar she has passed on when she was in a manic episode distant more than not there afraid of people getting close but yet they dont want to be alone they tend to be out of control with spending money and sometimes there very sexulay ative. I would never want to live with my bestie she has so many issues and no way of talking about her feelings she was diffrent she would self isolate a lot
I have bipolar disorder and anxiety that I take meds for…me and my husband have been together 15 yrs and I haven’t always been the easiest person because I just started taking medicine a year ago he likely started feeling depressed and tried to self medicate with the drinking making a bigger hole for himself I use to self medicate with drugs I’m now 6 years clean…the best you can do in my opinion is just be open and honest about ur feelings without getting angry or disrespectful about it let him know you want him to tell him how he’s feeling and your there to support him but you think the drinking needs to stop…I get my highs and lows and sometimes my low s last for a few weeks and in that time I just need patience and understanding
You don’t.
It’s not yours to fix, why do people think they can?.
Over and over, cycle after cycle.
If you want to give, you can try but seriously your hanging on to the hope things will go back to how it was while you were getting hooked.
People can sometimes temporarily appear good long enough for the other person to think it’s going to work then they crash and the other person is left trying to understand what they did wrong or how to get things back to good.
Gamblers end up deeper in debt trying to recover what they have lost rather than admit they have lost
No matter how much you do it’s really up to them and you CANNOT make them.
You will most likely wear yourself out and they won’t thank you for not being enough.
But then again they will have found a new person who will “fix” them, temporarily recover, crash, burn, repeat.
Rather than do the work themselves and admit they are the problem.
You have an impressionable child involved. Is this the healthiest situation for him…or you? Food for thought….
Run trust me there unstable n Imma gonna tell u from experience of 26 yrs. Its no fun after ur hitched or live with them its a roller coaster ride nothing never plzs them n one day ther ok the next they r mean as hell.
Try talking to him but be prepared for him to possibly not be the most receptive. Mental illness can be hard and sometimes it’s hard having conversations about it. Especially if a person is struggling. It sounds like he may need a med change. He’s most likely self medicating with alcohol and self isolating out of fear of making things worse or irreparably breaking relationships. You also need to ask yourself of you’re prepared to deal with these kinds of episodes for the rest of your life. If you can’t then you need to walk away.
The bipolar wouldn’t worry me as much standing alone but it definitely sounds as though he’s also an alcoholic and that is scary because if he’s not getting treatment for that you should RUN!! Today he’s quite, tomorrow you’re being thrown across the room or choked against the wall… you do not need an alcoholic to be an influence on you’re child. Drinking that much would definitely cause a decreased sex drive or sexual issues because he’s numbing his body. Addicts love their doc more then they can love anything and it’s very difficult. Wish you the best!!
Please be patient … he is still in there… he can’t talk to u or explain… when he can’t understand it himself… he is probably feeling even worse because he has u and ur son… and is saying g he has it gd right now so why feeling so rubbish… so he is feeling so many things … I understand as I go thro those phases too… I feel exactly the same even in regards to the personal side of things too… when u feel so down about urself that’s the last thing on ur mind… and u definitely don’t want it or even feel stuff in that way… but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love u or doesnt want u… he still feels the same… he still loves u… please be patient … he will come back eventually
This is what you want forever? Please don’t discount the red flags.
For one with Bipolar meds you can’t mix with alcohol…I’m Bipolar and it’s not easy sometimes.he sounds like something is bothering him or depressed…he may need to doctor to see what’s going on…keep communicated with him ask him if something is wrong…but I will tell with my Bipolar I get in moods were I don’t want sex either most time I know when I’m going to be in a mood
My dad is bipolar and let’s just say I had a rough childhood. He did the best he could with his lows. My mom treated him like crap and that did not help. This is one of his lows, just love him. If he doesn’t want to be touched, don’t touch him. When he is over this low, talk about how the alcohol bothered you, DO NOT bring up the bipolar. Running from him will not solve the problem, what my dad needed- and maybe your boyfriend needs- is stability.
He has to be the one to fix it, not you. He has to decide what its most important to Him and want it bad enough. Best thing you can do is be there for him in any way you can be.
Being with someone who is bi polar takes a special person. You have to be secure in yourself to be able to deal with the back and forth of emotions. Your son is seeing these things too and can learn the bf behaviors. If he’s drinking that’s a red flag. He’s trying to self medicate because of a low and it could make him stay there longer. Are you ready for this to be your normal? Sometimes you can love someone and them not be right for you. Don’t ignore the red flags.
Ok so. Being bipolar myself and being raised by a bipolar father.
You can’t fix him. The only person who can fix him is him. And a dozen or more beers a night? You have yourself an alcoholic, bipolar person. Which can make the symptoms much worse.
So talk to him. Doesn’t have to be “gently”. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells around him. Tell him how you feel and go from there. Personally I’d run. But I’ve already dealt with the bad sides of bipolar through my father and ex husband, who were both horrible alcoholics on top of the bipolar.
Run back and home and find someone else
If you want to try to make it work first you need to stop thinking you can fix him. You can help him but you can’t fix it or him. This is not the only time this is going to happen. It will happen many more times. If you can’t handle it then you need to leave. If you don’t have the patience of a Saint, then you need to leave. There will be highs and there will be lows. When he comes out of this current low, maybe talk to him about the drinking and it just making it worse and how you felt during and ask him what you can do to help him during the tough times. He will be the only one to answer that. And Do some serious research and have an educated conversation.
If you really care for this person talk to him about it. Let him know that you have a young child and dont want your child seeing this as normal, the coming home and drinking everyday.i know yous don’t live together but once he got into that relationship with you n you introduced him. He became apart of your life’s…tell him that you care and dont want to see him go down this path. He told he was bi polar. Ask him how he’s feeling cause you’ve noticed this change and are worried. Everyone gets stressed about work sometimes but not everyone is drinking that much every night because of it…maybe straight out ask him about his meds and if maybe seeing a Dr would help. Especially because you have that child watching and yous are in a relationship and that’s what a partner should do. If he’s not willing though and just wants to continue handling his problems with the drinking, I might say maybe we should take a break for the sake of my child. But by all means dont just walk away…I see to many say that as soon as ya hit a rough patch…having a good relationship is about caring and respecting one another and of course honesty n trust. To build a strong foundation. People always think the grass is greener somewhere else, when the truth is the grass is greener where you put in the work…hope it works out for you guys.
From being someone that is bipolar please be kind and patient with him. We have highs and lows and it’s not always easy to explain to someone else “you just feel like trash”. I live an amazing life one I would have never dreamed of. But, I still have my lows. I will admit even getting up going to work is hard to us sometimes it’s a victory.
My partner has bipolar as well as EUPD amongst other things, if you love him stick by him, it sounds like he’s in depression mode with his condition
Having a mental illness isn’t a red flag, be there, support him , just because he has a mental illness doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve the love anyone else does , in-fact they need it more
Be his peace and his safe haven not another battle he has to deal with
I’m sure the drinking isn’t helping him. It’s a depressant.
That would be a red flag for me. And did thus drinking start after your comfortable period ?
They have to want to help their selves. It sounds like he’s skipping out on his meds.
Ok so I’m bipolar. This is probably one of his “lows”. Just be there for him. Let him know your there if and when he feels like talking. There’s no fixing it or him. But you wouldn’t be in the wrong to tell him the excessive drinking bothers you, but don’t push the issue. You know what you can live with and what you can’t.
And people who holler red flags on everything are hilarious. There whole life is a red flag 
so it’s whatever.
It is not for you to fix. You won’t get what you want or need in a relationship with this man.
I have bipolar with depression and maina I’m on meds for it and still there are times where i get depressed and don’t wanna get out of bed or do anything. Don’t be quick to judge and if you can’t handle him at his worst then you shouldn’t be with him at his best
It’s probably a phase he us going through. Be there for him, but if anything is intensifying have the strength and intelligence to leave you and your son come before him.
12-16 beers a night is a drinking problem…
and that is the life of a Bi-polar person, Sorry, They are good people, but unfortunately, they do have some problems, sadly. And to take their meds & drink, that isn’t a great cocktail at all, so some will continue taken their meds while drinking, or stop their meds so they can drink, Both don’t lead to any good place. He needs to fix this himself, You can either just stand by him & hope for the best, but most likely this could continue to happen, Or you can tell him you are leaving, because he won’t try. Your choice
You cannot fix it hopefully he gets on the medication that works the best for him he cannot drink on that medication will not work
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There is no fixing this. This is life with someone with bipolar disorder. Your job is not to fix him. You can’t and he will most likely resent you for trying. Your job is to look at this realistically and decide if you can really handle it. And if you really want your child to have to handle this. My mom had to walk away from my dad to protect us from his mood disorders (more severe than just bipolar) and I never understood until I had a child with a man who was very similar to him. Sometimes you just can’t make it work. And that’s very sad, but it’s reality. Also, the beers sound like alcoholism. He may be functioning with alcoholism now but it doesn’t always stay that way. I also learned that one from experience. Self medicating with substances often goes along with this sort of thing. Imo, this is isn’t something to drag a child through, especially if it’s not even his father. We don’t add stepdads that make their lives harder. We add stepdads when we find a man who makes their lives better, or we don’t add stepdads at all.
Did he stop taking his meds? Sounds like he’s in the depressive state.
He is self medicating with alcohol Did he stop his meds by chance? That could be the problem but people with bipolar disorder are just up-and-down so he could just be down right now. This isn’t something you can fix but I can tell you right now that drinking that much on your meds isn’t good. Sounds like he is a functioning alcoholic too. He needs to get help from a professional and only he can decide if he wants it. You have to decide if this is something you can handle and if you want you child around it.
Unfortunately he’s also an active alcoholic. You cannot make him take his meds or stay on a routine with his professionals, or even stop drinking. You just have to decide if this is what you want for your son and yourself. I think I’d have one good conversation with him about the alcoholism. Seriously that much alcoholic means he’s consistently drunk. Please do not get into a car with him.
A couple of things to unpack here…
I have bipolar so cant come from a partners point of view but it might be helpful?
First of all you cant “help him” at all…
Only way you can help him is if he wants to first help himself first and then all you can do is support him but thats about it.
Second of all him self medicating with alcohol wont help and you need to and should be able to say that to him. My hubby will always pull me up when im getting in a mood or self medicating because sometimes i dont even notice, i may seem pissy at the time but in the end i always appreciate it.
Third of all the low sex drive can be from so many things but main ones that come to mind are; could he have possibly started a new medication, stopped his meds, gone up or down a dose or a combo of all of the above for his bipolar? Because its common for lots of the meds to have side effects like that.
Forth of all you should be able to talk to him about all of this, you cant constantly be afraid to hurt his feelings or upset him because eventually youll grow resentment towards him for it. You shouldnt have to live walking on egg shells, But its also all in the delivery, come at in a caring and helpful way.
Not going to lie though the high and lows are also something you will need to get use to, to a degree because unfortunately thats part of life when you have bipolar/date someone with it.
Ide also recommend reaching out to see if you can find a fb group or maybe even a councillor to also help you through this journey because its also going to be hard on you, being with someone with bipolar isnt easy. But as youve already seen in him, Hes amazing at his best and you’ve just got to decide if you can handle the worst or not aswell?
The man sounds like he’s an alcoholic if he drinks that much beer a night. Alcohol and bio-polar medication should never be consumed together. He knows that. Buy him some non-alcoholic beer and give him a choice. It’s that, or you. Simple
It sounds like he’s having a depressive/bi-polar episode. They can last weeks to months. I have dealt with them since my mother was brutally murdered. They are hard to get out of, especially without the right coping skills and support. The alcohol doesn’t help. I can’t drink, it makes my disorders way worse. When I put an end to any alcohol in my life, I have had better control. Let alone, alcohol is a depressant. He is making himself feel worse. He is the only one who can help himself. You can give support, but regardless of if he’s a great guy. You can’t make him choose to get the help he needs and if he’s not willing then it may be time to move on. It’s one thing to struggle with mental health. It’s another to be an active alcoholic. Those 2 together are a recipe for disaster.
Not meant to drink with meds , You will have a big challenge being with someone with bipolar They are up one minuet down the next , IT WILL NEVER IMPROVE i think you have to think of your child … Good Luck youll need it …
I am a Bipolar 1 . We have ups and downs and when we deal with those changes we can become distant in order to try and deal with it. Also being bipolar and having a partner he might fear being judged or misunderstood. It’s a extremely complicated disease. He needs support and that’s its .
I had a daughter in law who had this she made my son’s life living hell he’s off his meds and when they do that they go crazy get away from him quick as u can.
A lot of these comments are honestly really rude and downing people with bipolar disorder and bpd people calling them crazy and get away as fast as you can what the hell is wrong with some of you I’m sure your not perfect you just think you are
I think all of the advice you’re getting is sound and honest. I am bothered that your concern is completely for this grown man and not your son. Please don’t take your innocent kiddo and place him in an environment where someone is obviously medicating a serious disorder with alcohol.
Most likely the meds can’t be combined with alcohol. Having bipolar you have to understand that it goes like this, a week or two of mania and a week or two of depression. It doesnt last forever but when you show someone you’ll be there for them even during this difficult time, they appreciate it more. It sounds like you’re mostly happy, and all relationships take work, but I promise the drinking isnt helping anything.
My husband has bi polar. He’s got his ups and downs and pushes me away at times. The one thing I’ve learned is you can’t fix anyone. Especially someone with bi polar. The more you do the more they just pill away. The best thing to do is just be there. Support him. Let him know you care.
You just have to be there for him when it’s the hardest.
Unless you want a rollercoaster life of ups and downs get out. Your not that involved at this point. Wish him well and send him on. You have a child who doesn’t need to go thru this or you. It will wear on your mental health!!! Love him but leave him and 12 to 16 beers is a problem.
Shouldn’t be drinking while taking meds , maybe he stopped or is at a very low point right now it comes and goes
Reading the comments as if some with just bipolar doesn’t deserve love lol y’all wack af grow up this is just sad. Be there for the man! Telling her to leave him for having bipolar this is why I hate humans you are all heartless
Not being hateful, but bipolar people OFTEN go off meds. You cannot fix this. Just leave.
First of all stop blaming every thing on him being bipolar. That’s what is going to cause him to be insecure about it. Stop focusing on his mental health diagnosis, and just talk to him like normal.
Sounds like it may be time to have his meds changed or reevaluated. When I have fluctuations with my bipolar disease and my husband notices, I speak to my doctor
For Him to be in his recovery and having a good productive life, he needs to stop drinking! Bipolar meds and alcohol don’t mix well. I would ask why is he drinking and try to get that resolved. If he needs to go to AA that’s what he needs to do. Just taking meds isn’t enough with that disorder, he needs counseling. He needs a professional team, meaning a therapist, a Dr. and a psychiatrist that all work together to make sure he has his disorder in control. If he would like to start by joining online support group nami.org is the best of out there.
Sorry but I would just be friends. Get your own place so you can have your own space.
Living with someone with bipolar disorder is super hard, especially when they hit their lows and start self medicating to cope with it. I spent 5 years of my life with someone who was severely bi polar and was also not on medication, and was an addict to cope with his issues.
Obviously it didn’t end well. But it sounds to me like your guy is already at least on the right path because taking the steps
To get on medication is huge. My ex never even did that much.
So he at least acknowledges his issues and knows he needs to be on medication for it, and that’s a big step.
The drinking can be scary cause they can really get sucked into that habit badly. I would maybe try talking to him about therapy. There’s therapist out there who specialize in helping couples where one of the partners deal with bipolar. They can help
Him properly internalize his issues while also teaching you how to cope and be supportive during his down times. It’s worth a shot, I wish you the best
You can’t fix someone’s mental issues, you have to ask yourself if you’re ok with supporting this man during these episodes. Right now he is probably in a depressive state. This can cause the low sexual interests and explain his behavior. You can stick it out and know that this won’t be the last time, find a way to cope when he goes through these episodes or end the relationship. Mental issues can’t be cured, they can be managed… but even then it can still effect someone.