How to I explain to my mom that she is causing problems?

Does your bf kids have other grandparents from their mom? If so I can understand her giving more to yours. Why should your kids get less because your mom has to split her resources with 2 that aren’t her grandchildren while the other grandmother spoils them too? If there’s not another grandmother buying for them she still has the right to spoil her grandchildren who she knows will always be hers. The fact is that he’s not even your husband. You 2 can break up at any moment. She may not want to bond with children that she may never see again. What you do with the items she buys your children after they come home is upto you.

If you take your children from her because she’s not including the others be prepared for resentment towards the other 2 because they are the reason your children don’t have grandma any more. Same goes with making her include all 4. She may not be able to afford to do as much or the same for all 4 kids. So your kids will resent them for that. Also disowning your mom ends any support you get from her. If in the future you need or choose to leave your bf she won’t be there to help you. Really think about what you’re taking from your biological children & yourself when you’re forcing these temporary children in her life.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to I explain to my mom that she is causing problems? - Mamas Uncut

Dont let her take your son anymore. Tell her until she can treat all the children the same you dont want her in you or your kids lives anymore

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I have inherited 3grandchildren . My daughter has 3 of her own and married a man with 3. I treat them all the same and spend the same amount on all my grandkids for birthdays and Christmas . I dont even say step grandchildren cause steps are what you walk on , not children ! Is she afraid of getting attached and you and the bf breakup she wont have them anymore?

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Just stop letting her take the one alone, and then stop going over without the rest. And when she sees that you have put your foot down about it she will hopefully stop her stupidity.

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We have a weird situation, my oldest is 6 and is biologically my sister’s daughter. My daughter has no idea, my husband and I adopted her. Before we got her at 8mo my grandparents had her for months, my sister was in a juvenile detention center and planned on taking 6 back when she got out.

Fast forward, my grandparents would still take her almost every weekend and then we had our own bio kids and they’d never ask to take the other kiddos. It actually got to the point that I don’t let 6 go over anymore, unless it’s a good a dinner or visit with us all because my almost 4 year old gets upset, and asks why she can’t go with sissy.

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I was the 3rd child and my grandmother only wanted to have my 2 older sisters to visit. My grandmother had 2 children and she thought that was all anyone else should have. When I got old enough to realize what was going on, my mother put an end to it. Told her all all 3 or none.

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You don’t need to fight with her, sitting down and having a conversation with your mother about how you feel and whats shes doing is bothering you etc, go from there. And if her response is something your not okay with its okay to step away from her for a while…

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Simply tell her if she isn’t willing to do that with all your other kids then she can’t stop watching him in general. Yes grandma’s should have 1 on 1 time with grandkids, as we should with our kiddos, but all that’s gonna do is make the other ones feel unwanted by a grandparent with the fact that they see Everytime yours come back from grandma’s with all this stuff, I’m sure they’re gonna question why she isn’t doing that with them. Like I’ve got a neighbor who is an elder and loves my daughter as her own grandkid so she gets snack stuff for her and when hubby’s kids come over she will give them each one.

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I wouldn’t be upset that she does not want all of them over at one time especially overnight. 4 kids is too much to ask of anyone. I would guess your step children are attending things with other family members that your children are not too.
I would ask that she keep the gift giving equal and treat them all with kindness.

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I have 5 kids my husband 5 I treat all the kids the same and grandkids no matter who the mom or dad is they are family

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YOU don’t have a son anymore sweet girl, OUR daughter does not exist. Y’ALL have 4 kids and grandma needs to get a grip and kinda seems like you do too. I’m not being ugly but you need to stop catering to your mom’s whim.

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Sit down and explain to her what she is doing, and how it make you, and more importantly the other kids feel. My personal opinion ,I would say no more extra gifts. It is not fair to the other kids. ALL THE KIDS should get gifts of EQUAL value for holidays and birthdays.

Well… Compartmentalized, she should NOT be treating any children differently. They are children. All babies deserve the same love and respect. If she cannot treat all the babies with the same love and dignity she shouldn’t be around them in a gathered setting and you should stand up to her on the babies account every single time regardlessof the outcome. As far as ‘taking’ kids goes, you should stop sending just yours over. Sure, she helped you out when you needed (which by the way, while your one was being watched by her, where were the other 3?), but if that’s no longer required it is unnecessary and you and the other siblings should get weekend time together as well. That will put a halt on what’s going on weekly. Since you’ve now allowed that one child goes to be the norm, change it. When she asks for visits after that you just need to stand firm that your babies are treated the same. (If the other 2 are spending time elsewhere without yours then you need to be more understanding when it comes to just sending yours to your family too). As for presents, you can’t really control much of that other than to clarify a limit per or specify you will not accept the extra when it comes to just your child given the circumstances. That also depends on a couple factors though. Do you all live together every day? Do they get things from their side that yours don’t? There is also the fact that you are the parent and given that they are children, you have the power to turn that extra she gives just yours into a family item for the kids to share. If you all live together on a daily basis what she is doing is 100% rude af. When it comes to visiting having them all shouldn’t be a problem either. If it’s too much for her then make visits a couple hrs or a night vs a whole weekend :woman_shrugging:t2: idk where I come from all babies are treated the same and go everywhere together and my whole sets of family and friends are the same. If nothing else, definitely stop sending the one over cause that is sending the message it’s OK to treat the one different than the rest.

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I have a blended family of 6 for last 20 yrs. Both sides of our families did this. My Husband’s kids did for his 3 from his previous marriage cuz they felt sorry for them. In the sense their mother abandoned them. They very rarely did anything for my son I had from a previous marriage or the 2 kids we had together. My family was the same. They did for my mine cuz of they were left out on the other side. Long story short. We blended this family. Not our families. We felt it was incredibly too much drama to try and force our families to do as we done with our kids. As long as we treated all of them equal that was good enough for us. The kids never had an issue with it. They knew who their grandparents were. Mind you, our families did do for all children on bday & Christmas. Everyone’s families are different tho. It’s definitely a struggle. Good Luck!

Just tell her if she can’t love all kids equally then she won’t be able to see any of the kids.

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Hmm I know all bout that. My bf and I been together for 3 years. My 8 year old gets left out all the time. My bf has two kids, 5 and 8. There own grandma takes his kids, but never my own child. It’s damn sad, why people do these things to kids. It’s not fair for any child!! I been going through this 3 years!! I wish I had answers. :sob:

Listen your mom doesnt hv to do anything … she’s mkn the effort she wants to give and its not for her to do more…hv you tryed being honest w her about how you feel? But those children hv no connection w her … shes merely being civil and a courtesy to yall to include in gift giving …they are not for her to " have to accept or do for"… it’s her right …now you have a connection cz u chose ur partner…she didnt.

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My advice, and speaking from experience from a similar situation, cut her off. Not so much completely, but can have a phone call here and there. But thats it. No visits nothing. Until she can accept your family as a whole theres no point in favouritism. Kids are not stupid and it wont be long before his kids will notice the difference in treatment and will resent their dad or refuse to visit him.

Good luck hun! X

I don’t have any step kids nor am I married anymore but if I was in this situation I would definitely sit down with your mother and explain to her how you feel and how it’s making everyone else feel. Just ask if your mom would try to be more welcoming of the other kids because one they are family now and they aren’t planning on going anywhere. Yall are a family and should be treated as one. Tell yes of course it’s nice that you’re doing things for your blood grand babies but she’s gotta understand that the ones married into the family have just as much family rights as the other ones do. And if she’s drawing your family apart then she shouldn’t get the privilege to watch or spoil the others if she’s not showing some of the same love to the others.

(Yes the dad might have his family but how do we know if he has someone to watch the kids when it’s his time? We don’t. So we shouldn’t judge and say have the “mother” do it. It’s the fathers job on his time and the mothers job on her time to find someone to watch their kids. So since yall are a family you become one.)

I hope some day your mother shows alittle more love for your bf and kids.

I would just copy this post and send it to your mom

Iv had to do something similar with my mom I didn’t know how to tell her but i had thought about what I wanted to say and once I knew what I sent it in a text

After a while she stopped being angry with me and we are trying to make a better bond

“These are my boundaries/rules/expectations: —————-. Respect them or I will distance myself and my family for as long as I see fit.”

Put your foot down and tell her all or nothing.

You say “hey! You’re causing problems!”

This is toxic for the children. And as much as you don’t want to, I personally would cut her off completely from myself and all of my kids, including my boyfriends. If she doesn’t realized after that, that her behavior will not be tolerated then that’s her loss.

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Until she is married the kids aren’t her grandkids AND maybe she has a special bond with the boy so what!

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Tell her they all are her grandchildren or non are her grandchildren,
YOUR 2 oldest don’t deserve those nasty vibes. I’m sorry sis this sucks

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Time to stop allowing her over period if it isn’t Christmas… then maybe just a phone call and not being able to mistreat any of them might work for a bit . Your other boys deserve the same love I’m happy your brother is standing up to her but it’s time to let the dragon out of the cave and incinerate your mother for her gross abuse of your step children I’d be livid she would not see my child either of them until she could treat the rest of the house with the same respect I just wouldn’t be allowed. The stress I. Your home is not worth keeping mommy happy !! She can get over herself and the bullshit.

My sons grandma comes to picked him up one weekend every month, a three hour drive one way. She buys him expensive stuff but I don’t go bitching to her to about how she treats all my kids differently…. Idk your bf sounds jealous, tell him to get his mom to pick up his kids. Why does your mom have to pick up his moms slack.This kinda stuff will always happen in blended families.

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Time to cut her off til she gets that those kids are yours too

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to I explain to my mom that she is causing problems? - Mamas Uncut

She wouldn’t be having any of the kids, unless they’re all treated the same; if you love them like they’re your own, then you protect them the same way. End of story

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Sounds like your mom doesn’t deserve to see any of your kids :woman_shrugging: either treat them all the same, or don’t treat them at all. Buh bye

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That’s harsh. My mother in law treats all my kids the same. My husband is the biological dad to our youngest. But my other 2 have always been loved and told they are family. She had years with my older two before we had one. But if she ever treated my others any differently we’d have issues. She takes all 3 regularly. I would never put up with that. My ex’s family, even though we aren’t speaking at the moment, treat my youngest like family. Buys him stuff and is treated like family. I wouldn’t allow her to take just yours. They are all siblings and should be treated as such.

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Invite her to more events that include your partner and all the kiddos so eventually she will have the other kiddos over

Wow I’d be mad. I am the one with 2 kids from a prior relationship and my in-laws are wonderful and treat my children just like their biological grandkids. I’m lucky

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to I explain to my mom that she is causing problems? - Mamas Uncut

But they arnt her biological grandkids, they have their own, as u say she still treats them etc but think you r asking too much tbh as I say his kids have their own grandparents to stay at, it’s not like she ignores them or leaves them out but Im not suprised she doesn’t feel comfy having them sleep at her house tbh

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Since his kids must have grandparents, maybe she figures they go there. Another factor could be that you & BF aren’t married so she might figure this living arrangement is only temporary, so why get attached to his kids.

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Cut the ties with her or put boundaries on your relationship. Limit how much she sees u & the kids. You’ve got this! That situation can be tough!!!

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It’s not her grandkids. You can’t force her to baby sit them, and buy them things. If she doesn’t feel like it… you can tell her she can keep the toys at her house so the kids can use it when they come over. If she ask why . You tell her you know your step kids will feel left out, Maybe she’ll get it. But It’s wrong that you don’t talk to her , but you let her take care of your kids. You’re using her and that’s not right either.

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This is all materialistic personal problems. They are not her grandkids either. It doesn’t seem like you are grateful at all. Otherwise you wouldn’t be complaining. She’s not excluding them either. They are just not hers. Get the other two an Nintendo switch for them too if you feel so bad about it. Don’t put that on your mom. That’s all you. You are complaining about getting better gifts and that she’s loving her actual grand kids? The other two have grandparents of their own. Come on jeezz… is this a joke? YOU are causing the problems.

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Your mom doesn’t have to take your bf’s 2 boys. Your choice to be with a man with other kids does NOT fall on your mother as her responsibility.

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It’s all or none. At least that’s how it was I my family and I treat all my grandchildren the same.

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If she doesn’t want them all then she is out of the picture in my books. I have step grandchildren and they mean the same to me as my biological grandchildren. All 11 are treated the same!!

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How does the 'bf’s parents treat your kids. Let them babysit while you work. Or let daddy babysit all the kids.

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It’s not her grandkid and you guys aren’t even married. I’m sure the other children have grandparents and extended family. She may not be able to afford to spoil all of them the same. I would let it go because she is buying them holiday gifts etc.

Also why would someone want to spend time with children they aren’t related to or bonded with? And why would you want to force them?

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First off, your mom does not pass the vibe check.

I would tell her to either buy equally for all or don’t buy anything at all.

I would also put a stop to the every weekend or every other weekend, and explain that his kids are your kids now too, she needs to treat them like her “biological” grandkids. My mother in law bought something for my daughter the other day and she bought the same thing for her FRIEND that tagged along. I didn’t except her to buy my daughter anything, but it speaks volumes that she bought for her friend too.

I would also just take the other kids with you, and your boyfriend when she invites you over if she doesn’t like it then she won’t invite you over I guess.

I’m sorry that you and your boyfriend are fighting- he needs to understand that you can’t control your mother- but like I said I would tell her to treat them equally- you buy one something you buy the others something equally nice. You spend time with one- you take time to spend with the others.

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That’s BS, she’s not thinking of the ther other children’s feelings. Yes, it’s her right, but they are all children. My dil has a child from a previous marriage and I love her just the same as my grandson they had together. From day one she captured my heart and if I buy something for my grandson, I buy her something too. In my heart she’s my granddaughter period. I love that little girl the same way I love my grandson.

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I say give your Mom a big hug and kiss just for all the stuff that she DOES DO!! Mothers are on earth for a limited time, so enjoy her while you can. It sounds like you are talking about Santa Claus, not your mom!

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You are all 1 family and you need to tell your Mum that… She treats them all the same or not at all… Same as a child in a blended family needs to know they are loved not only by the bio parent but the step parent…

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I’m actually saddened that people are agreeing that the nanna is doing the right thing! :sob: what about the kids and their feelings? It really hurts my heart! Kids are the innocent victims in this very sad scenario!

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You need to talk to her, set boundaries, and consequences and stick to it. But you also have to understand that whether it’s right or wrong, her grandkids that come from you, are always going to hold a more important place in her life because they’re your children. I don’t necessarily agree with it but that’s just how it is for some grandparents.

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The only way to solve it is to talk to her pain and simple. You’re just going to have to speak to her like an adult and lay down some boundaries as well as consequences for not following those boundaries. And then follow through. No other way.

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Tell her if she can’t treat them all the same way you’ll stop bringing your son and the baby there. She’ll start to miss them and realize what kind of ass she’s been and start treating them like they ALL belong!!

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The older generation sees it differently. You re not married…they re not her grandchildren.

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I’m part of a blended family - he has 2 boys, I have a daughter and we have 2 together. And that just wouldn’t fly in my family at all. We told our families straight up that we as a whole are a family and all the kids are to be treated equally. Sounds like you need to set some boundaries. Your bonus kids will grow up and remember how they were treated…

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I’d appreciate what your Mom does for you. She won’t always be around. I say that as someone who lost her mother. They aren’t her grandkids. Maybe she’d feel differently if you two took the step to get married.

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Do you have you ever thought maybe your mom doesn’t wanna get attached to his children as much as it she’s attached to your children and be heartbroken when she no longer can be around them you got a look at all of the ups and downs of being a mixed family you can expect your mom text snap everything you want and not what do you feel safe with

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What about his kids grandparents? Do they treat your kids the same? You are complaining about material things…

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As a grandmother myself, it might not be a matter of her doing this to be hurtful. Is your son her first grandchild? If he is, she’s going to have a very different relationship with him than her other grandchildren. You two aren’t married. Marriage is viewed as “permanent” by older generations. Maybe she’s afraid to get too close to his sons in case your relationship falls apart. You need to restrain your feelings, and talk to her, but more importantly you have to listen to her.

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End of the day they aren’t her grandchildren and just becuase you have accepted them doesn’t mean she has too. All you can do is either cut ties with her for and from your own children :scissors:

Even if you talk to her about it and she reluctantly decides to include your partners 2 children it will never be with an open heart, she’s already shown you with words and actions she’s not intrested in treating them like her biological grandchildren and you can’t force people :woman_shrugging:t5:

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Sounds like your moms not a good human, my mom sent my ex husbands step daughter a toy so she didn’t feel left out from sending our son one.

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My step dads parents were always so fun and generous until my half brother was born. They basically didn’t want to know then. It hurt. It still does really. Her actions won’t be missed by your step-kids. If you live them as if they’re your own, your mum should accept that too. They’re only kids and it’s not their fault. I hope you’re able to resolve it.

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Your mother has the right to gift whatever she wants to whomever she wants and his mother can do the same… Her level of generosity can’t be monitored unless you wish to ask for no gifts across the board and her love is more than enough… Likewise you could explain the pain of being caught in the middle and ask her with love if she could choose one gift that all children could enjoy… That is definitely up to her… you can always invite her to your home where all of your children live in order to spend time with her biological and blended grandchildren as part of one big happy family together… eliminating the resentment that you can’t bring them all over to her home.

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Technically he’s the boyfriend and not the husband so it’s the “appropriate” thing. But someone who has a heart and is open will accept those kids as her own. He can’t force it. It’s not for everyone and you can’t really force your mom. But you can state where it’s either all or none

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You are not married to him they are not her grandkids.

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Young children do not understand what difference being a "biological"relative is vs family, when you become a blended family you become one family-period! Treating the biological grandchildren different from the others can and will cause resentment between the children as well as with the grandmother.

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I’d put my foot down and set ground rules or she doesn’t get to see any grandchildren. It’s just wrong to leave the other kids out because they aren’t biological. Plain and simple.

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That’s so sad for the two who must feel not good enough. I hope this is rectified before these kids grow up feeling like they are not worthy of other people’s affections.

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Sit her down and ask her opinion say his parents treat kids different favouring them more then urs and baby and ur heart broken because u and ya bf treat all same as ur a blended family watch her reaction then say mum do you know you do the same thing and I’m torn apart as you bought me up to love all x

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Me n my fella aint married n he took my eldest 3 on as his own n we have 1 together. his mother absolutely adores all 4 kids and treats them all the same. I would aswel if I was the grandmother in that situation

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Mama needs boundaries. And it begins with YOU. You tell her what is appropriate vs. inappropriate since she doesn’t know.

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Maybe she considers your relationship with this guy to be no that stable or viable therefore she doesn’t want to get attached to your bf kids. Her bio grandchildren will never stop being hers on the other hand if you ever break up with the guy she could be heartbroken by not being able to continue seeing the other two kids. Besides she’s not leaving them out, she gets them gifts just not as expensive. Either way you cannot force her and should be actually grateful she babysits them whenever she can and that she is involved at all.

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Tell her you are a family if she can’t love and accept all 4 kids EQUALLY she can’t see ANY of them

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Wow, im actually gob smacked on half of these replies… you guys are a blended family. My mother moved to America for a few years and by the time she came back I had a blended family. She excepted the other kids like her own grand kids. She also babysat all of them if they needed to be, but she came to our house so they had all thier own things and space. When I say blended family I mean I had one and he had 3 when we met. Then we had 2 together. Yes the other kids had other grandparents. I guess my mother seen it as MY family… her daughters family, so it was hers 2. I couldn’t imagine treating my child’s choice in family any other way. No we didn’t get married, and no we are not still together. But while we were, we were all family

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Adopted children deserve the same love and attention as biological children.
End of story.
You people defending this behaviour are sick.

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Is your boyfriends parents in the picture? If so how do they treat the kids? Also what ages are his kids. I have step grandkids and I dont live close to them. I tired treating the all the same but they treat me differently. I am not going to have my bios not have me spoil them cause our relationship means alot. They love me even if I am not buying them gifts. Plus your son has grown up with her and knows what is expected of him at her house. Maybe outings all together and playdates inviting her over. No gifts involved and let her and bonus grandkids get use to one another and a bond grow.

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I would stop contact until she can grow up. My mum would absolutely never treat my niece any different to the others, never has from day dot. And honestly if I seen her do it I would put her in her place. My niece is as family as any other of my nieces and nephews.

You and your husband are pretty much the only advocates in your childrens life. To have your mother treat your kids different is just ok to me. These are all your children. Should not talk step or half but ours! You need to have a serious talk with your mom. If I had this issue, well I wouldnt. I would not allow anyone to create such a divide to my family, all or none. For your kids sake, get this resolved

I’m sorry but your mother is a horrible person! They are KIDS!!! That have no say in the matter. I could never do that to a child. They can see it and feel it. They know! I don’t care if I didn’t like the boyfriend, that has nothing to do with the innocent children. If you really love those kids like your own, you will put a stop to your mother’s behavior, and if that means she don’t get to see her “real” grandchildren, than so be it!

I feel like some people can’t fully people and/or kids if it’s not biologically theirs, maybe she thinks that. Like my brother has a stepson from his marriage and they only say they don’t add him. Plus I treat and love my nephew as a nephew. Not live him like he’s my own

Sorry but your mum is in the wrong, and you both need to tell her that if she can not treat all your children as equal as you are in a relationship then do not treat any of them, even limit time with her…I cannot understand grandparents that do this at all…

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My mom does this with my little girl compared to my little boy hes 3 years older and she moved when he was a week old moved back when my girl was 3 months old I just managed to get her to see and start trying to change. That is the first strep when you can show her in a way she can not deny perhaps change and love will follow. Im one of 7 and never felt she had favorites

If she can’t accept the whole family she doesn’t need to be apart of it. My boyfriend has a 5yo from his previous relationship and I’ve always treated her like my own and I’m blessed that my family accepts and treats her like family. Just because someone isn’t biologically yours doesn’t mean that it’s not family. I’d cut off all ties with anyone that chooses to not accept them. Just because it’s this lady’s mother does not mean she needs to keep the relationship if it’s unhealthy and hurting her family.

I would try turning it back around the other way & say if she doesn’t want to treat his two equal to yours, maybe she should stop spoiling yours quite so much. At least then it’s equal & it doesn’t rub it in his (and his kids) faces. She doesn’t treat them poorly, so it’s not as if this would result in your child really missing out on much, it would just tone it down to a more equal ground, he doesn’t need more extravagant gifts.
Edit to add: I also think it’s important to note that you’ve said he’s your boyfriend, maybe she’s just trying not to get attached until she’s more sure of the situation or maybe she doesn’t know his kids well enough (if for example he only has them weekends) to spoil them in the same way. Try to make an effort to spend time all together, the 6 of you AND her so she can get more comfortable with his kids. It could change as time goes on or if you two become engaged, etc.

My mum has always treated my step kids as her own grandchildren and at one stage took them all to ensure they were not split up during a family crisis. Your mum should be happy to have gained beautiful children who will love and help take care of her when she can no longer take care of herself. I feel sad for you and hope your mum wakes up

Just stop it now…if she can’t do for all your children…then she can’t teach that kinda behavior…simple…don’t fight with her…just put your foot down…that hurts children’s feelings I no I been there…just stop it…:black_heart::kiss::see_no_evil::scream::broken_heart::broken_heart:

I wouldn’t let them around her at all if she can’t treat them all the same. After 4 years of being together she should realize they are part of the family too. It’s not fair to the older two, I would explain that to her. If she can’t understand that then there’s an issue.

I’m old now and my biggest regret that I feel so quilty about is letting my mother treat my children differently. If I had it to do over I would stand up to her. She would treat them the same or get out of my life!

I can see it both sides.

  1. How are the other kids feeling? If they are feeling leftout then things may need to change.
    Just remember you can’t control everything and you can’t force your mum. Focus on what you are incontrol of and focus on what your mum does do not what she doesn’t do.
    No one can tell you what the right thing to do is.
    How are your partners kids relationship with their bio grandparents and how do they treat your kids?

Simply tell her: these are all my children, you cannot and I will not allow you to treat any one of them differently because of their parentage. Offer her time to think about her answer. And if it’s what you want, you can reassure her that you do want her in your lives and you love her. Then say bye and hang up. If she continues down the path of disrespect, then you ultimately need to choose if it’s gonna be your mom or your boyfriend and kids.

All the children need to be treated the same. I never just buy for biological grandkids to me they are all my grandkids. Your mum needs to be told this or she doesn’t see them not fair on your stepchildren

I would never treat any child like this your step kids knows she does not care about them that much. Shame on her I would never treat any kid like she does. I love all my grandkids and will love them all the same. She needs treat them all same. This makes me upset. I would not let her take your son unless she takes at least the other child

I’d be telling her 2 buy your kid same as them tnh a switch or electric scooter should be from you your the parent. Only you can sort the her spending time with them thing she’s not going take them all even having when it’s 2 kids people don’t want both it’s hard but sounds like she needs to spend more time with these boys xx

I had 2 daughters when I met by husband they were 2 n 3 yrs we got married he adopted them and treated them like his own then we had a son. My mother in law didn’t consider my girls as her grandchildren and spoiled the son. SO MY HUSBAND TOLD MY MOTHER OFF AND ALSO HIS MOTHER things changed. But at birthdays or Christmas her sons boys and daughters children always got more and nicer things… And when the great grandfather died gave her son and daughters kids $100.00 each and our 3 children only got $50.00 each. But we decided no matter related or not children should all be loved and treated the same. It makes the heart feel good.

I don’t blame the grandma for wanting to spend time with her grandchild one on one. When they are little they adore grandparents. When they get older, not so much

You can’t force her to treat them the same as your two. but if she cannot include them and treat them the same them set boundaries. You took on his kids and treat them like your own, she can treat them like they’re her own grandkids. Favouritism is not healthy for them as this creates resentment

You do not like a conflict but you support it. Only you can stop it. You visit your Mother only with your full family. You can start with just .5 hour so she will not get overwhelmed and you do not visit her only with the baby. If she do not accept your family, you cut her visits. The older children will be the more difficult and harmful the situation will be to everybody.

I’m a grandma to 2 children and six grandchildren. There are 4 different fathers who fathered these children. Believe me the family problems that come with this requires a lot of patience, biting of ones tounge at times but all so speaking out if it’s really necessary.
I understand both sides, it hurts, the behaviour is hurtful, but it’s what happens. Stop fighting about it, last thing the kids need. Explain to the kids why this is happening. Partner needs to stop blaming and fighting with you, be adults and take the pain and hurt for your kids and bring them all up the best you can. Let’s hope that all this fractured home life doesn’t damage the kids to much. Life isn’t fair, some of this is just human nature, try not to fall out as you can never get that time back again. Good luck.