How to keep the spice in a relationship?

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so me and my hubby have been together for 8 years going on 9 and we have had a lot of ups and downs. my question is how do u keep the spice going? he gets upset because he always has to make the first move and he also gets mad bc I’m never in the mood I have talked to my doctor about and she said there wasnt much she could do? and my 2nd question is what would u consider cheating? I have recently seen him talking on fb messenger with a girl and she was sending him nudes and a video of her area? I said that was cheating he said it wasnt? sorry for long post need advice please no bashing

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Yes ur dr can,find another dr…
Second did he initiate the talk, did he send pics back, what was the convo like, etc

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Id beat the fuck outta him… Thats not ok at all

That’s crossing a huge line in my opinion… and you could try sharing fantasies, watching porn, role playing if you haven’t yet

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Definitely cheating! You deserve better. Why does he need to see someone else when he has you? Pack his bags and leave them outside!

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There’s different types of cheating. Him willingly receiving those pictures is a form of cheating whether he physically touches her or not.

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100% cheating and you need a new doc

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I’m sorry but that’s cheating. Atleast in my eyes it is.

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Did he shut her down? Block her? If not, he’s up to no good.

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Different relationships consider different things cheating. I would call that cheating.

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That is CHEATING!!! Cheating is cheating no matter what!

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if hes getting nudes from random hoey girls, its probably best to leave him. if you want to stay (high chances you will be physically cheated on) then i guess force yourself to have sex with him. but Dr. can give you something for your sex drive, maybe you dont want it cause he is not a good guy? idk

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I don’t have any advice on the “spicing it up”, but I would say talk to another doctor. Certain nutrient deficiencies and hormonal imbalances can affect libido.

Also, that is cheating! Watching porn is not because it’s impersonal, but actually messaging someone and getting that sent is CHEATING.

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He sounds like he needs his needs met. Reaching out to other women is not the right way to do it tho and yes that is cheating. If he was watching porn fine but no way would I put up with that. Maybe, you don’t want sex because your relationship isn’t going well, maybe your falling out of love etc. many things can be a factor. I would address your marriage and see where you both are in it. Are you both willing to make it work? Or have you just grown apart and time to move on?

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My daughter in law was having the same issue. And she was 25. By any means I am not being rude. But honestly honey if he is not getting if from you, he is gonna turn somewhere else. You have to even if your not in the mood. Even if you don’t want to. Even if it s all fake. They are guys they have needs. Just the way it is. So you go tonight and let you imagination run wild. He s your man so take him by all means necessary.

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If his mind is preoccupied with another female…then its cheating. But why wont you give him some? Even if not in the mood? I never understood that.

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That is cheating don’t let him make you think otherwise

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definitely cheating…

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The thing is… he was flirting with her before she sent that shit. He allowed it to happen and I highly doubt he hasn’t spanked to it or sent her pics of himself in return. If he doesn’t block this girl from every platform and change you need to leave him immediately. Take pictures of everything so you get that alimony.

Would he be okay with you getting dickie pics?! Prolly not! See ya!

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Question is … How did they/he get to that point with her if he wasn’t cheating ? Or hasn’t already . Something has went on if she’s already sending him videos …
Be careful . You may end up hurt . Being hurt with kids isn’t ideal , specially being cheated on . Protect yourself, your heart and your morals . Don’t be a door mat or an option

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I woulda posted her pics and vids online💯

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Yes yes cheating. Kick him out. Good bye. Obviously he don’t love you so he’s already cheating I’d he can do that to u. X

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That’s definitely cheating if I saw my fiance get stuff like that it would be over right away :confused: and after having my son I’m not to big on sex myself, until me and my fiance decided to try something different instead of our usual and that’s works for us. :woman_shrugging:

Ok for everyone saying just give it when not in the mood… yeah I did that and in the end it felt like rape. Didnt care if I enjoyed it as long as he got his. Wasnt into what I am and made no effort to help me so I left.

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Even if it’s just messages and pics that is cheating. Dump his ass

Cheating? This dude better be worried about his life after getting nudes from other chicks :joy: a chick smiles in my direction in public and I’m going to bed with one eye open

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That is a form of cheating. You have to be honest with him about your sex drive. N sometimes we have to do things we are not in the mood for. You can not deprive. Not saying he should cheat, bc I hate a liar and a cheat. Try a small vibrator on your small female part when making love. Unfortunately men get tired and bored quick. You have to ask yourself " if your needs are more important than his" and your Dr is an ass. There are so many things you can do to raise your libido

Definitely cheating …

He is definitely cheating, follow him.

I would say that is cheating. I would also say likely the reason you might not be in the mood is mental due to hurt and distrust from the cheating and I’d have a serious talk or walk…

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Did he say it was cheating before or after you knocked him upside his damn head :woman_shrugging:t5::thinking:

That’s cheating as far as I’m concerned.

If you have to hide your interaction and keep it a secret from your spouse then its cheating. PERIOD.

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I consider that cheating

That is definitely cheating. You allowing it and staying will make it continue.

That’s definitely cheating. From experience once cheating begins the relationship will never be the same.

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That is cheating in my opinion

Thats cheating! They definitely crossed a line there now ask him if hed be ok if u sent nudes or received them from or to another man. N as for spice ive been with my so it will be 10 yrs in September n i need affection to keep my drive going. He has to talk to me with love n smack my butt at the same time. I wont have sex with my so n have no desire to if hes been being a jerk n being distant. I gotta feel wanted

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With porn addiction they now consider chatting up others sexually and nudes cheating. With technology comes new forms of cheating and addiction. Your sex drive as a woman is 89% mental and the rest physical. So if you aren’t turned on and your urges are low try reading sexy stories and going to also keep try sex or toys more often to bring it up.

If it’s something you have to hide, it’s cheating, whether it be physical or emotional.

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Did you see your OBGYN or regular Dr?
That matters too.
There’s medications and creams for women too.
Until then, see a shrink, get a massage. Women react to stress differently and honestly, if the relationship has changed, that may be part of it. There’s a connection missing.
So, you have to figure out what you need from him. And ask for it. That’s where the shrink comes in. You can even see a sexual therapist.
As far as cheating, that’s your call. Everybody’s view on that is different. So, I can’t answer that for you.

What he’s doing is not okay, and it’s cheating…big time! The only thing I can say is maybe try couples counseling. That is, if you still want to try to work on your marriage. You’re obviously trying to do what you can, and what he’s doing not only devalues that and you, but he’s also trying to his needs met somewhere else. You’ve done nothing wrong at all! I wish you the best!

That’s cheating. Omfg that is SO CHEATING!

How do you all consider that cheating? I wouldn’t consider that cheating. Could be a sign that he could r looking for attention somewhere else if she is not giving him attention. Maybe he has a wondering eye and is looking at porn. Have a talk with him and see what is up. Or google “”Signs Your Spouse Could Be Cheating”

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Cheating doesn’t have to be physical. She’s sending him her nudes, that’s definitely cheating. And y’all need to sit down and have a talk about how he can’t be mad if you’re not in the mood for sex. You don’t OWE him sex and he needs to get out of the mindset that you do. You should look into asexuality. You can also get pills that help put you in the mood, if you’re interested in going that route. However before y’all spice anything up, y’all need to discuss boundaries over what you can and can’t do. Taking to other women like that is a no, and if he won’t stop then he doesn’t respect you or y’alls relationship and you shouldn’t have to put up with that. Talk to him, come to a mutual agreement/ understanding about everything (his getting angry that you aren’t in the mood as well as the cheating) and decide if y’all want tti keep trying. If you do, look into the pills or other options (I know there are also creams and oils) that can help with getting you in the mood for sex. Using toys together can also help as well.

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That is to EMOTIONALLY cheating so yeah hes wrong for that

Are you on birth control? That kills it for me. Pure romance has an O cream that helps. Also, yes. That’s cheating.

If he is communicating with her and she is sending him pics and he is ok with that that’s cheating. And if he talking with her about emotional stuff that’s emotional cheating. I would flip the fuck out if I saw that.

Nope thats cheating he shouldnt have to go elsewhere. Try incorporating toys into the relationship its helped make my relationship stronger, not thats its boring but we both like trying new things…

Stop jumping on the "divorce " line so quickly. Stuff needs to be worked on. He did cheat. Yes. He has been expressing to you that there are needs that need to be met…and you aren’t. I’m not blaming anyone at all…let that be clear. Maybe you should try to love him more. I’m in a state as well that I’m never in the mood. But I do have sex with my husband because he has needs and once we start I do get into it. By the end I’m all “damn I’m so glad we did that”. Has he admitted this all to you?about the girl I mean? I’m sure he did since you two had a conversation. Again, I’m not blaming anything on you at all…I’m saying that this is happening because he isn’t feeling wanted. He isn’t feeling loved…he isn’t feeling attractive to you. You have been with him for almost 9 years. Do you feel this is something you can over come? Do you feel this is something you two can work on and get past it? Would he agree on couples therapy? Would YOU go to a sex therapist to try and help what’s going on? Does he try to love you and you push him away?? Again…NOT BLAMING YOU. as an outsider, I must consider all sides. But I do think that’s a form of cheating…but this needs to be dealt with before it becomes worse. Worse case, either you break up after 9 years or he does screw someone else (not just look at them on a video).
I do suggest working on it. Sit down with him and figure it out. Ask him what he needs…tell him how you feel.

Girl leave this fucking loser. Don’t settle for a loser who doesnt respect you and you deserve SO much better.

how did he respond to them nudes and video would be my status there. Women are trifling but how a man responds to that shit or if he enticed it is what matters. If he asked for them or shared his too he’d be gone.

Go do the same thing. If he gets mad say it’s not cheating.

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That’s definitely cheating
There is endless amounts of free porn available
Personally talking to someone and getting it is a lot more personal

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Definitely cheating

Goodby

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Cheating and that’s why I wouldn’t be worried about keeping things spicy at all :100:

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I would call that cheating

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Absolutely cheating. If I caught my husband doing that, he wouldn’t have a sex life with me to worry about. He would need an attorney. A relationship is not just about sex. He has obviously no respect for you and morally if he doesn’t think that’s cheating there’s nothing you say or do that’s going to convince that. I’m surprised he didn’t turn around and blame you as well.

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Your husband is cheating and he is playing a little game by trying to turn things around and put the blame on you … I’m sure if you’re not in the mood it is with good reason … I sincerely doubt he makes much of an effort

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Yes that is cheating. Did he message her back saying that those videos and pictures were inappropriate? If not, then it is cheating and he might be doing something with her in person (or is thinking about it). Tell him if he wants to stay with you, that he has to block her and never speak to her again. Tell him next time he gets messages like that, it is over for good. You should talk to a different doctor and get a second opinion about your sex drive. Maybe read some romantic novels, get some toys, or try different foreplay and see if that helps. Good luck!

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That’s 100% cheating leave that man

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That IS cheating. And if men’s bodies went through the hormonal changes that ours do when we’re pregnant or after they have kids they would understand. I’m pregnant with #3 and never in the mood. Been that way since #2 was born. It’s hormonal and unless I take hormone meds for it there’s probably nothing that can be done about it. But after taking care of a house and our kids all day I want to sleep not have sex. So yeah. My husband pouts about it sometimes but he’s not off talking to other women

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If he’s too stupid to realize that’s cheating, and inappropriate if you’re in a relationship, he’s too stupid to learn a lesson. You’re doing yourself an injustice by staying with him, he’s a moron.

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That is cheating, sorry to say. Emotional cheating. I would have a serious talk about what you want from each other, or dont want. I dont know how you or him are about porn but that helps when you aren’t in the mood. Good luck

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Ummm that’s cheating. Yall just need to communicate more. I have a HIGH sex drive and my husband doesnt. While I wouldn’t consider cheating, it makes me feel very unwanted. Guys are not immune to the same feelings we have.

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That’s a form of cheating. Cheating isn’t always physical.

Hes on verge of full blown cheating

Thats definitely cheating. He sounds all wrong and you deserve way better. Id leave him because if he doesnt think thats cheating he will never learn where your coming from and he honestly prob doesnt give a shit. He will keep doing stuff like that and keep hurting you and thats no way to live. Ups and downs are a normal part of any healthy relationship. Ok? cheating is not. Its not normal or healthy to have cheating behaviors in your marriage. Period.

Girl fuck that, LEAVE. He’s cheating bc your libido is low. Frankly he’s blaming you and that’s disgusting.

That’s cheating flat out. Time for a divorce. You allow him to get away with it once and he will continue to walk all over you.

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You need to put your husband first. Be intimate with him. Stop denying him and stop making him make the first move. If it wasn’t for your inability to be intimate you wouldn’t have to worry about him cheating. You can’t just blame him. While yes he’s wrong at the same time you basically are like a roommate.

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If he hasn’t cheated already, he’s about to… If it was just porn that you were catching I would say hang in there, but someone on FB… That’s crossing lines

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That’s cheating. I’d tell him to fuck off and leave.

That’s 100% cheating.

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That’s cheating in my book

Yes, that is cheating. A girl is sending naked pictures to him, he is out of line. Leave him and be done with it.

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Cheating doesn’t always have to be sexual remember that him speaking to another woman in that way and her sending him stuff IS CHEATING hunny. I want sex more than man does and I’m a shy person I just feel his thigh and give him a soft kiss on the neck near the back of the ears he knows or if we’re lying in bed I literally just rub my butt up and down him and it gets things started, but do u really want to have sex with this “man” who’s cheating on u and totally disrespecting you. A friend I knew from years back sent me a video of him jerking off (don’t know why I wasn’t flirting I was speaking to him as I would any other friend it nearly ruined my relationship then when my man read all the mails he released it was innocent in my part (I was speaking about wrestling lol) I blocked and unfriended him due to well the gross video that popped up and for the respect of my man (that was innocent what you’re husband is doing is cheating) for all u know he could be sending her them back then deleting them. I hope ur ok and get this mess sorted whatever u choose to do but ur worth much much much more than that chin up and much love xxxx

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That is cheating!!! One way to fix that break all his fingers(that way he can’t send messages) oh shit your gonna have to bust his jaw (damn speak to text):joy::rofl:

Just asked my fiancee says he already cheated :woman_facepalming::facepunch: hmm #Onceacheatalwaysacheat

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Girl if he is getting nudes from another chick then something’s up!

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That’s definitely cheating

That’s sexting. Yes it’s cheating.
I have the same issue with not being in the mood and I’m going to try going off my birth control to see if it helps.

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That’s definitely cheating.

Why would she be sending him them videos if nothings going on

Ask some fucking dude in your messenger for dick pics and videos and then ask him if it’s cheating :roll_eyes: smh what a jerk that’s definitely cheating

That’s cheating in my eyes. And don’t let him blame you for his infidelity. You deserve better.

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That’s straight up cheating you need to leave him and get a new doctor

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🤷 if you don’t wanna have sex … I get why he’s doing it. Sorry.

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100% cheating and u should move on without him. If he can’t be patient with you then his doesn’t deserve u.

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He’s fulfilling a need you’re not. If you would have been fulfilling his needs, he wouldn’t have gone elsewhere. :woman_shrugging: I can’t really blame the guy. Had you put in half the effort he has (you admitted he has to initiate as you’re not in the mood) he wouldn’t have gone to sexting to fulfill his needs. Either start doing your part or leave and let him get some from someone else. Sorry, not sorry.

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He’s a pig :pig2:
That’s cheating.

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We can’t decide if it’s cheating for you, we aren’t in the situation you’re in. Everyone has a different opinion on cheating, some couples are okay with their partners speaking with other people and some aren’t. I had to learn that the hard way with my ex when he did things like this, it was always “well I didn’t touch her so it isn’t cheating”. If you’re uncomfortable with it and it hurts you it’s 100% cheating girl, leave and find a man that loves you.

Ugh, shity situation… Definitely cheating, I did it. Not the nudes and video, just taking but it doesn’t matter… I know I know- I suck. I didn’t think it was to begin with, but I realize now it was. We’re trying to work it out. Unless there it is acknowledged by the offender it won’t change. Have u watched the Red Table Talks- infidelity? On fb, search it, seriously good stuff, there’s an therapist/author on it that’s awesome

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That is most definitely cheating in my opinion.

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Some of you women on here are just fucking DISGUSTING. Justifying his cheating & putting the blame on her. As if we were made to be sex slaves to our SO. Gtfoh. You guys are the problem. You guys are part of the reason most piece of shit men feel so entitled to our vaginas. You all are no friend to women.

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Yaaa that’s most DEFINITELY cheating

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That is cheating to me 100%. How would he feel if it was you and another guy having conversations like that?

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9 years together and he can just go and talk to other women and accept nudes from them?! If roles were reversed I bet you he wouldn’t be too happy. To me I consider that cheating. I’m sorry you’re going through that

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Uh, yeah. That’s cheating. :woman_facepalming:t2: Don’t let him gaslight you.

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