He’s trying to manipulate you. I’ve dealt with this and I’ve watched my mom deal with this. He’s saying that to make you stay because women are super emotional and he knows that if you’re not strong enough then him saying those things is going to make you stay. You need to be stronger than that and show your kids that you will not be treated like that and that is not a man.
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Have him committed take out a restraining order and file for emergency custody it’s going to hard and it’s going to hurt but you don’t want your kids growing seeing you treated bad or them treated bad. They’ll either be like him or with someone like him. Look online I’m sure there’s groups/programs to help
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Ah. The usual “If you leave me, Im going to kill myself.” You’re already doing everything yourself anyways, just leave.
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You’re teaching your children that it’s ok to mentally abuse the one you love.
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Leave, he won’t do it. I heard the same.
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Contact the Counsel for Alcohol in your state. They can guide you to resources. Also find Alanon or faith based support groups for families of alcoholics on the internet (covid). We can all give you our opinions…but every circumstance is different. You need professional help… this is not something to try on your own. Be careful who you confided in if they could possibly tell him anything. Prayers for all of you.
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Run! He’s garbage to you. He’s threatening to blackmail you
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If he’s sucidal that’s on him and he is more than likely using it against you. Take those babies and let him to his on thing. If not you will be miserable and kids will be miserable. Just get out and tell him if he thinks he can get his shit together let you know but I don’t think he will. Probably find someone else to control.
First leave. His suicide (whether or not he does it is not on you). Leave a helpline number on a note. File for an emergency restraining order to protect you and your children. Many shelters are currently full but speak with the housing authorities and see if they can get you assistance. Leave! Your mental health and tour children’s health are important than making sure an abuser stays alive. 
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Sounds like you are already doing it alone. Leave for your sake and the kids.
Do not EVER let someone blackmail you into staying with threats of suicide.
If they do. Have them committed. if they are willing to hurt themselves. What would they do to you and those kids!
Most often, suicide threats are just a tactic to give you no options but to stay. And even if they were to do something IT IS NOT EVER YOUR FAULT
Most importantly, DOCUMENT ALL OF THIS BEHAVIOR FOR THE COURTS
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Geeeet tf put. My ex was like that for years and he was having affairs. I tried to make my family work. I ended up pregnant with my now almost 3 yrd old. I left when my.little turned 4mnth old. I refuse to have my kids grow up around that. I worked my ass off and was going to school full time . I bought and paid for everything, even though he had a good paying job and I made shit. All he did was spend money on bs and alcohol. Do NOT waste your life hoping he will change. It just adds more stress to you and you start breaking down. I know it’s hard and it’s scary to leap into the unknown, but you’re already doing it by yourself. Once you get out, you will feel sooo much relief!
Pack yourself and your children and leave. Really this is all you can do. The abuse will turn physical. If you are afraid he may do something call and report it to the police. Apply for a mental warrant and have him taken to a mental hospital. I think that is just his way of holding you there. Good luck and God bless.
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It is extremely dysfunctional to lose a loved one and cope with it by abusing other loved ones and collapse in on them, he doesnt need a family right now, he needs repairative therapy and you being a trellis is not helping but rather enabling him
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Don’t fall for the S thing… Pure manipulation. Those who intend to do it, don’t tell anyone! Love you and your kids and show the kids how to move on when mistreated or they will grow up thinking that’s normal.
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I was in a 9 year long relationship with a heavy alcoholic. I do not recommend. I loved him very much but your Sanity and peace of mind for you and your kids comes first. I left him 3 years ago and he ended up passing away from his alcohol addiction on the fourth of july last year. Its hard and at times I feel really guilty for leaving but they won’t change unless they want To. You just need to make sure you and your babies are good and healthy and if that means leaving to achieve that, that’s what you need to do.
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I Know This Story All To Well Minus The Kids Part.
First File For A Restraining Order.
At Least 30 Days Stating He Can’t Be On The Property.
If You Can Afford Everything On Your On Great If Not Try Staying With Family? See If You Can Get Help.Depending On The State Your In You Can Have Him Taken Off The Lease (In CA It Is Grounds For Lease Removal) Then If He Ever Comes Near You Or The Kids Call The Police & Have Him Taken I Know They Do Not Play About DV Victims But You Have To Be Very Serious About It. If You Are Not Mentally & Emotionally Ready To Let Him Go Then You Both Could Get In Trouble For Violating The Order. Wish You The Best
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Would you as a child want you and your parent to live in this situation? There is your answer.
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I’m surprised at the amount of people telling you to leave when things aren’t good. You have 3 children together. Get to counseling and give him an ultimatum about it. He has went through a lot and he’s leading toward the wrong direction with alcohol. Get him help. Help yourselves for the sake of your family. Its worth saving. Good luck hun.
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Sounds like already got half a parent…so for your sake and kiddos beat to move on
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Quit wasting your life. Pack up your kids and leave
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You get the hell away from that man and when he threatens suicide, know that those who do that won’t ever actually do it. It’s a manipulative tactic to get you to stay. Do what’s best for you and your babies and get that man out of your house. Call the cops to have him removed. You’re already doing it all on your own as it is, at least you won’t have to do deal with a grown man child too.
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U are being used and mistreated. Been there done that best thing is to throw out the trash and as far as suicidal he is manipulating you!! Wake up life is too short!!
If you love him and want to try to work it out, give him an ultimatum. He needs to get some therapy for losing his mother. He needs to be a better husband and father. If you don’t start seeing changes then leave. You all deserve better. It’s simple. If he can’t put in the work for his wife and kids it’s because he doesn’t want too. Give him six months to make some good changes if not divorce
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Trust me i have been in an abusive relationship. I was in one for 4 years and finally got out. leave the guy. Pack up the kids and get out and stay out
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Leave. If he harms himself, it will not be your fault.
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The kids need a happy healthy mom. And they grow up so fast you won’t get those yrs back. It’s time to leave. Your not the cause of his suicidal threats! He is sick and depressed and needs help. You leaving might wake him up to getting that help. You and the kids deserve better ! 
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Don’t leave. KICK HIM OUT!!!
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Wow. What I just read is he’s obviously going through alot emotionally… you literally married him for better or for worse and he is at his worst and all of a sudden you want to leave… hmmm… sounds like people only get married for better. I hope if you do leave him it will encourage him to get help and find someone who will love him regardless. People cope differently and sometimes when you keep shoving feelings down more and more it doesn’t feel good at all inside matter of fact… you get more and more depressed and hurt. I hope he finds help … he is not coping healthy. I know you are getting the bad end of the stick and sometimes unfortunately that is what happens when it comes to bad coping and alcohol. Ask yourself this: is he a good man minus the alcohol? Have you asked him about his addiction and helped him get help? Just how I see it instead of just leaving a marriage.
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Find all the strength you have and leave for you and especially for your kids. It will be one of the hardest things you ever do but do it before it’s too late.
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I won’t just straight up tell you to leave he’s hurting he lost his mom does that mean he can/ should mistreat you? No but don’t just throw out a relationship because he’s spiraling. He needs you and he needs to get help and then if he’s unwilling then I would definitely recommend leaving. But it’s for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part not oh you’re going through something traumatic and therefore lashing out so let me just rip our family apart and leave you. So many ppl are so quick to his toss out their marriage because things get rough. But like I said if he doesn’t put in effort and continues to treat you like crap then yes do leave because you can’t make someone get help if they’re not willing nd I will agree you don’t deserve to be treated badly.
Don’t make the mistake I did. I went through the same and stayed for the kids in the end the kids were ruined, the relationship was ruined, and my life became ruined all because I thought I was doing the right thing. He is just using and abusing you and makes the excuse of being suicidal so he can continue using and abusing you while draining the life out of your entire family. You will never get these yrs back. Be wise. Turn and walk away. You are teaching the kids that this is ok even when its not. You don’t deserve this neither do they
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Threatening to commit suicide when you say you’re leaving is abuse . I would get ahold of women’s services. They can provide you with legal advice, shelter, help paying utilities etc. I’d also think about calling behavioral health and getting counseling for yourself and your children.
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It’s a manipulative tactic when someone threatens suicide. People that commit suicide do not tell people. Friends/family are usually shocked when it happens. You do not deserve this mental abuse and neither do the kids. Seeing him like this is not good for them and will teach them this is acceptable behavior to accept from a spouse or follow the same footsteps as him. You’re already doing it all by yourself. Go and be happy
Edited to put… Some states will put you in a mental hospital up to a week if someone calls and reports someone is suicidal. You can leave and if he does this, call the police and get it on record
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Leave now or if u can put him out
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Walk away. Even if he does attempt suicide or is successful isn’t on you. Imagine how much lighter your load would be without this drama in your life?
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Some y’all need to start beating these horrible husbands or get you a friend who will.
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If you feel like 1/2 a human, your kids only have 1/2 of mom.
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This 
is a abuser . Get out NOW before the threats of suicide turn into physical harm of you and the children! Look into assistants with leaving abusive relationships as sometimes they help with lodging and moving costs.
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Look up Narcissistic abuse , Terri cole has informative videos on YouTube
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I am curious as to how it was before the death of his mother. It honestly sounds like he has always been this way, but maybe with less alcohol. Either way, kick him out. If reconciliation is what your main goal would be. Tell him first he must go counseling, he has to stop drinking, and when he fixes him. You will go to counseling with him while living separately. Put a time frame on it, and of nothing has changed with counseling, move on, be happy. Your kids deserve a happy mother, it is how they excel, and be truly happy.
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I would first tell your husband you want to help him see his physician in morning and make an appointment about his alcohol dependency.
Also ask for consult for psychiatric for him for talk therapy and depression so he has someone else to talk about all his feelings that is making him sad.
All you can do is be there for him . Yes loosing a parent does not give you a right to verbally abuse a person.
Tell your husband there is 0 tolerance of verbal and mental abuse.
Good Luck
Then also time for family counseling .
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He needs to seek counseling and quit drinking. If he’s unwilling to help himself then I’d throw in the towel.
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You obviously can afford it on your own since he doesn’t work much and you handle all the bills. He’s only saying he’s gonna kill himself because he knows it will make you stay. Is he ever sober when he tells you that? I stayed with my sons dad far too long and it mentally destroyed my son. 3 years of counseling, therapy and a Psychologist was needed for my son. It’s not worth the damage to your kids to stay any longer. Yes he’s morning the loss of his mom but it seems like he’s using that as a excuse to disrespect you. He is mentally, verbally, emotionally and financially abusing you. Don’t stay and add physical abuse to the list. You and your kids deserve the world, go out and get it.
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My personal opinion is to leave. Don’t torture yourself &your children longer then you have to bc you know you don’t want to stay. Hopefully he gets some help …as a recovering addict if he doesn’t get to the route of why he is drinking and talking about it, it won’t stop …hope for everyone’s sake he goes and gets the help he needs but you my dear are not obligated to stay or put up with this.
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I would suggest counseling. If he’s spiraling because of the loss of his mother, counseling or therapy would help. If he’s not willing to put the effort in to at least seek better for himself and his family… I would say it’s time to pack up and leave. If he threatens you by telling you he’s suicidal only when you talk about leaving, he is trying to manipulate you into staying. I believe it’s also a form of abuse? But speaking from experience with more than 1 previous relationship threatening that… its just a way to scare you into staying with them.
Ontop of that, you are not responsible for a grown ass man. If you are not happy, you do not need to stay.
A miserable home makes for miserable kids.
Happy mom, means happy kids. If you’re unhappy and burnt out, something has to change.
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First of all a suicidal person would never tell you that they were ,”going to “! Looking to take the attention off their failures and put it back on you!!! It’s an attention seeker!! Leave!!! Now! Run as fast as you can!! And do not look back!!! He will find another victim really fast!!!
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Don’t let him hold you on suicidal talk. He is not your responsibility. You need to get your kids away from that before they think that it’s the way it supposed to be
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Sweetheart he is gaslighting u please leave !!! Take you children& leave !!!
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I’d tell him it’s time for counseling (together perhaps) because his unhealthy coping is affecting your mental health and is becoming an unhealthy and unsafe environment for the children or else you both need to consider separating to at least get some space. Research what resources you can get and start planning. Change is scary but it’s necessary. I hope you have outside support like family and friends, I would ask them for help as well if I were you. See if you and the kids can stay with them temporarily till things are figured out with your spouse. If your nervous to pack your things around him possibly invite some people over to help you keep the peace so you and the kids can leave. Don’t feel ashamed, life happens, things happen and don’t go the way you plan them to sometimes. It’s gonna be okay, but if you and the kids aren’t safe you need to leave.
He’s using that as a way to manipulate and control you. If you are really worried when you leave call the cops and tell him he is threatening to harm himself and let them deal with him. Unless he plans on changing or goes to therapy or whatever he needs things won’t change. You need to do what’s right for you and your kids. You can’t control what he does and it isn’t your fault or responsibility.
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Girly ex did that whole I’m gonna die crap. When I finally told him I didn’t care I was leaving him anyway he tried to kill me. My advice? Leave while he’s at work. I know it’s the chicken shot way out, but it’s definitely the safest. Also, make sure you take the kids. And don’t let him have them until you go to court because he could refuse to give them back.
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You need to leave and get t the kids out of there or they’ll be miserable too. He’s manipulating you when he keeps saying he’s going to kill himself when you want to leave. He needs therapy and to sober up.
If this just started after his mother passed, I would encourage him to get therapy.
Leave. Threatening suicide when you want out is a form of abuse
Call the woman’s shelter and they can help you. I just left something like that with my 3 kids. Its worth to walk away and leave the abuse.
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Sounds like a straight asshole loser…probably should have left a long time ago.
You are not responsible if he goes ahead n takes his life. That’s on him. Emotional blackmail to be his door mat.
Yes he might be grieving his mum. But then he needs to get help if he cares about you n kids.
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He sounds super depressed. I am sorry that your family is going through this very difficult time! Did he used to be a good husband before Covid?
He’s not suicidal, he’s being manipulative. He knows what he’s doing and he knows how to work it in his favor so you won’t leave. That’s toxic. I would kick his ass out
Most who commit suicide don’t announce it before they do. He is using it as a way to keep you exactly where he wants you. Leave you and the kids don’t deserve this. The kids dont deserve to watch their mother be mistreated. I am so sorry the part where takes food from you nearly made me cry. Call the women’s shelter or a domestic abuse shelter. Your concern is not a grown ass man it is you and your babies and even tho it’s hard you need to remind yourself he is grown your babies are not and they need you strong and happy. Good luck
Let him know that he needs to help you or he has to leave. Get him some help fast before you and your children get hurt
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Leave, run and go! I’d say throw him out, but with abuse, it’s safer to leave without him knowing! Your already doing it all on your own as is. He is doing nothing but trying to make you feel bad Someone who wants to commit suicide, DOES not talk about it. He needs to Grow up!
& Don’t give him any money for alcohol. Don’t support his habits
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First off make sure you have a place to go before you do anything then Definitely call the police when you plan to leave so they can make sure everything goes smooth and everyone will stay safe when you grab what you need and make sure he knows that he needs to get his shizz together maybe even leave him some therapy numbers and some aa resources when you leave
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Leave you and your kids will suffer in the long run it’s not worth staying it only gets worse
Just get out make him leave sounds like he is a waste and not a contributor to you, the children or even the rest of society. You can be responsible for his actions or what he does to himself, sounds like he is a waste
I would leave if I was you and hopefully he gets the proper help that he needs! I wish you the best of luck and hope you get out of the situation!
No do not put up with that that’s abuse
I was somewhat in the same boat.
I left and didn’t go back.
But I wish I did things differently, like help him get some help. Counseling , therapy or smthng. Maybe then he would change?
If not, at least u tried and the best thing to do is leave. U don’t want ur kids seeing all that.
U got this mama!
Please don’t waste 30 years like I did. You will be so much happier without the emotional abuse and manipulation. I am glad I left, it took awhile to get my bearings, I have been free now for 7 years, best thing I ever did.
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I know this sounds harsh but you are enabling his behaviors,for goodness sake leave now,you and your kids will be much better off,physically and mentally,you are teaching them this kind of behavior is acceptable.Please do not let him guilt you into staying with him.
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I’d leave. That’s no way to live, and no way for the kids to live. Seeing that sort of behavior is detrimental to a child. I grew up with an alcoholic father that was emotionally abusive. It still affects me today and I’m almost 36.
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Threatening suicide is a form of control & emotional abuse. You are in an abusive relationship & you are allowing your children to think this ok. It’s not. Get your children & get out. You are NOT responsible for his choices. Get in touch with a therapist as soon as possible.
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I think you know what the answer is. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated. You are setting a bad example for your children by staying in a to ice relationship. Free yourself and get some therapy for you and your children.
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Keep telling yourself you deserve better. You really do. And so do your kids. People who really love each other treat them with love and respect. And put their loved ones needs over their own.
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Leave now while you can I made the same mistake and stayed finally had the courage but not before he destroyed my kids and me . I now have one child with a anxiety disorder and now pulls her hair out . A son who doesn’t know what fun is because he has never allowed to laugh and the only reason my middle child us ok was because she was born deaf and myself well I lost 13yrs of my life so if you want this by all means stay but if you want your kids to be happy and well adjusted then get out while you can
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Can’t believe your asking. You and your kids deserve better than this. If you can’t pack his shit, then pack yours and your kids and get the hell out of there.
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Do you want your children to believe this is what life is supposed to be like? The pattern will be continued. It MUST be broken NOW!!! YOU are the only one doing anything. LEAVE!!! This will be the best gift you will ever give your children. You will be the best mom ever. YOU can do this.
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If you can talk before taking drastic measures, do it. If you had a good relationship try to save it. Maybe counseling. Of you know it won’t work and will only get worse then leave. Protect your kids and yourself. Give yourselves a better life. My niece was killed staying in a bad relationship. Don’t let it come to that. I wish you all the best. Prayers
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Do not stay for the kids. They know you’re miserable and you’re teaching them that it’s ok to be treated the way he treats you. Remember, they are always watching and listening. It’s best to leave immediately. Don’t allow him to continue mistreating you and not contributing to the household. If he threatens to commit suicide call the police and let them handle it. You are not his babysitter, he’s a grown adult.
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Honey go and DON’T LOOK BACK!!! BEEN THERE DONE THAT. He’s not gonna kill hisself and if he does, its not you fault. Your children will do just fine. I can’t say he’ll see the light, most dont. Good luck in whatever you decide
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Run! For the sake of your kids. Otherwise they’ll grow up afraid and insecure because that’s all they know and the cycle will begin again.
I hope you get away.
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You DO know what u have to do. Do it NOW. First for your well being. Second for your kids. Be their example. Love yourself.
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When there is abuse in a family (including emotional) it affects children more than I can say. It’s not fair for any of you. Try to get him to go to therapy
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I was in an abusive relationship. He was hurting me and my son. It took me a few months to leave him but when I finally did, God changed everything to where I didn’t have to deal with him ever again. I’m praying for you. I hope you and your children can get somewhere safe.
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If you need a place to get away from him, there are women shelters out there and they protect your identity. Have your children pick their favorite outfit, a favorite toy and leave!!! Should you not be around, for whatever reason, this man will raise your children!!! Scary thought. Good luck!!! Take care your precious children!!!
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Take your kids and leave! He is using you, both emotionally and financially. You’ve proven you can do everything without him. Absolutely no reason to stay. The longer you stay, the worse it’s going to get.
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Ya that’s manipulation and also psychotic behavior. It’s best if you leave. He’s not going to change hun. Just think of your kids and so what’s best for them
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I don’t think I understand why you’re asking for permission to resolve this? If you’d never allow your child to tolerate this kind of treatment, why would you accept?
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Him threatening suicide is emotional manipulation. What he does after you leave/throw him out, is not your responsibility, not your fault and most importantly not your business. Try to imagine a future conversation where your children feel shitty knowing you got treated like this because of/for them. When they get older, they will see what it truly is
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Don’t make it about the kids. They have nothing to gain in tbis relationship.
Its worst for them to see those habits, fights, etc. Kids learn to pick up those things from the people who are there to care and teach them.
What are we teaching them? That this behaviour is fine when it in reality it is hurting multiple people including the kids
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You are doing it all yourself now. When you’re on your own there will be one less person to worry about. Get out you and your children deserve better.Best of luck to you.
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Most importantly , you know in your brain…you are smart and capable and deserve a loving partner while you are young. PLEASE , for the love of yourself ( in 30 years) leave.
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Basically they got 2 halves now because you can’t tell me that you’re whole right now. Emotional blackmail is no reason to stay. If he does commit suicide it will be his decision and nothing to do with you. Leave not only for your sake but for your kids. They deserve a whole mother who is happy and you DO have every right to be happy and find someone who will love and treat you AND those babies the right way. Get out asap.
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I read that and I really do think you know the answer. You were not created to be someone’s punching bag (emotionally in this case). Best wishes to you, that’s a hard road ahead
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Losing his mother has nothing to.do with the way.he is treating you. Believe me when I say he will not change. You have the choice of taking the abuse or throwing him under a bus.
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Get out. You know what you need to do. It will never change. And if u have a daughter your teaching her to stay with a pos person who is abusive.
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Leave now. You and your kids don’t deserve that treatment. I waited too long before I got a divorce-- I was almost 65, but i have not regretted it for a minute. It was very hard for me at first, but believe me, it was the best thing I could have done.
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Girl you need to pack what you can get out as fast as you can and do not look back what he does to him self is what he does its not on you he is telling you that to keep you there soon he will be physically abusing you in front of the kids I’m sure you don’t want or need that I’m sorry I’m being so blunt but that’s the way I’ve always been
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Run. The kids feel it’s toxic. You all need a fresh start.
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