How to let my fiance adopt a child from a previous relationship?

I separated from my now ex-husband nearly 6 years ago. It was over long before that. We still lived in the same house for awhile but separate floors, for the kids. I had a child with someone else during that time. He didn't do anything with the baby. When I went to move out, he fought for shared custody of the child that wasn't even his. Her biological dad, while not in the picture, is on the birth certificate. I moved out when she was about 1.5. that's when he fought for custody. And he won shared custody of my daughter, that isn't his.

Here we are now , she is 4.5. My fiance now has been in her life she since she was 1.

It seems , I have no leg to stand on. He wants to adopt her one day. But I don’t know if that’s possible. I don’t know if I can change her name if I wanted.
I had been in a terrible marriage and I sometimes still feel like I’m always going to be stuck with it.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to let my fiance adopt a child from a previous relationship?

Truly depends on state laws. Your ex would have to sign rights away for the adoption to happen. Many states if your not divorced and have a baby by someone else that baby technically belongs to your husband dna or not.

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I’m not sure where ur from, but in Mississippi you hafta get a lawyer and there has to be a parent willing to step up and take responsibility, it’s a little time consuming, but eventually when u go to court then can change the child’s last name

From what I was told, I would have to take my daughter biological dad off the certificate and have him sign his rights away in order to change her last name and for her step dad to adopt

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I don’t know if the laws are different in your state.

In Montana. You need to be married. Step 1

Step 2 you need to have the father renounce rights. You can serve him papers. If he doesn’t respond or if he signs his rights over then it is simple. If he fights it goes to court.

The process is also easier if there is back child support that has not been paid.

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You will have to DNA test to prove it

Oh also if he doesn’t show up for court it is easy. It is a process but doable.

The court typically won’t say no. Unless the father has some sort of custody that he is maintaining well.

Thought this was a nail page .😵‍💫

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So let me get this right. Your exhusband fought for custody for a child you had with another man. He has taken responsibility for that child and stayed in her life and you are upset about it? You now want to take this child away from him? He doesn’t sound like the jerk in this scenario.

Get a lawyer child custody issues should only be trusted to them.

I think you should wait a little longer. Past the 7 year mark. It seems you love him, but is he going to stay stay and will you end up in the same situation? Waiting until she is 12 nationwide gives her a fair voice on this matter.

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If you guys were still legally married then in the eyes if the law your now ex husband is the child’s father and thats why he was able to get shared custody. The bio father would probably be the only one to have a leg to stand on to get rights away from the ex hubby

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If hes not the biological father he shouldnt have any rights

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Step parent adoption. Look into the laws for your state, but you’ll just need a signed paper of your child’s father giving up his parental rights.

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My husband adopted my son. Since his bio-father wouldn’t sign his rights over we had to terminate his rights. We were able to say abandonment since he hadn’t seen or talked to him in 2 years and before that was another 2 years and it was always inconsistent my son’s entire life. We hired a lawyer to find my son’s father since he always moved, and to file some of the paperwork that needed to be done. After the termination of rights we had to wait so many days then we scheduled the adoption hearing and we got granted the adoption…this took total about 2 years. But it was worth it 100%.

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Maybe I’m crazy, but how blessed that this little girl has 2 role models for a dad!!! I mean truly it’s a name change thats it!! There are so many kids that wished they had at least 1 person to call dad. I think your daughter is blessed.

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Don’t matter the state you live in he can’t adopt her until the biological father signs all his rights over. The judge can’t make him sign over his rights either because the judge would lose his/her job. And not only that but now you also have to have the ex boyfriend to sign his rights over and that will be a battle all in its self which you will have to bring them both to court. My oldest father will never sign his rights over so the man I’m with now have been since she was 4 months old and Turning 7 in a couple days can’t adopt my oldest because of her dad. So if both dudes say no way well you gana be in the same spot I’m stuck at. But you have enough man issues with this poor baby do you really want another one?

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If he fought for a child that isn’t his why year her away. Clearly he loves her and wants to be a father to her. Why can’t she have to dads that love her and share her?

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In some states if you have a child by someone outside of your marriage that child is legally your spouses. Especially if y’all still live together

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See an attorney. It’s the only person you should be taking advice from.

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The only legal way would be to petition the courts to remove him from the BC reason being hes not the biological father and because you two were married the child automatically got his last name . In the affidavit you must attest that while married you had an “affair” which produced a child . You will have to name the biological dad unless you state you dont know him . Now flip side he could say he knew and he doesnt care because it was an aggreement or because he loves the child whatever statements strikes his fancy . So be prepared get a lawyer . Her biological father may want to step up or sign his rights away so have a conversation with him as well. Hwte to say this but these types of cases are so difficult and often times very expensive and rarely successful .

Never heard of such a thing.

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While married even if said child isn’t his by law since your married it’s his child.
Explain that you guys are now divorced he’s not on the birth certificate and your current soon to be husband would like to adopt her and go from there.

Why is this page so lame?

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That’s very odd. Does he pay child support on this child?

Okay thats wierd in my state country you cannot get shared custody of a child thats not biologically yours unless its an adopted child.
Its not right.I féel for you the relationship is well over but he is clinging to yhis child.
It allso doesnt sound like its in her best interest.
Did you agree to the shared cudtody? Because courts are reluctant to take any action if they cant locate the childs biological father inless he is deceased.

I don’t get it . Blood doesn’t make someone there dad . Being a father makes someone there dad . And he’s obviously been her father since day dot so why would you want to take that away .

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Alot smells fishy to me with this ordeal.

I’ve seen this post months ago… :thinking:

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So you done put 3 men in this girls life in 4 yr span smh you are the problem not the only man trying to be there for her

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I would think a DNA test to prove it wasn’t the ex husband kid and then after u get married have the bio dad sign away right if that’s what he wants to do and then have new husband adopt her.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to let my fiance adopt a child from a previous relationship?

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Take the ex to court, request a dna :dna: test, when it comes back that he is not the father and he’s not listed on the birth certificate then he should have no rights at all.

Rolly Mcwilly Maybe you could give some insight? It was a very long time ago that Stevie did it for Kayla tho

can u not figure anything out at all? i’m sorry but all your questions are from bad decision making to begin with. grow up and be an adult and take care of life. BTW i think this site is just trolling, so,

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I don’t understand how your ex got custody of a daughter that isn’t his and he isn’t on the birth certificate… you need to find a lawyer

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You need whoever is on the birth certificates permission to change her name

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Have to have birth father/mother written permission signed by jp

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I feel like if he’s the father of ur other kids and he’s loves and treats this baby like his, let him :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: u and ur new man still see ur other children. So why not! Lots of love going to ur babes

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It comes down to what the children have always known. Time to grow up and understand that your children have parents. Your new husband does not need to adopt your children in order to be a guardian or good parent. Slow down a little

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…and both you and your daughter are wheel chair bound and your boyfriend has 6 fingers on his left hand and the woman down the street goes topless in her hot tub that’s installed on her front porch…add all the needed details! We can’t answer correctly without the details! Lol
This site is such HS!

Talk to a lawyer not Facebook

Worst thing you did was stay in the same house.

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You cannot change your child’s father it’s wrong it has one father and one mother your new partner needs to get gone he can be a guardian he does not need to
Adopt your child and if you want that then your wrong aswell

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Do what’s best for the child
I was 51 when I found out the truth who my father was thru AncestryDNA accidentally
I matched a man who was my half brother that I never knew existed
Whatever you do—don’t lie or cover it up to the child

Get a DNA test to prove the baby’s not his?.. is that possible?

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Questions like this are best posed to your lawyer and not FB sigh

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Mate get a solicitor and find out where you legally stand fb will not hold this answer

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Legally all you need to do is have the biological father sign the AOP and can fight it by requesting the DNA test showing she isn’t his. The biological father would then have to consent to the fiance adopting. That being said most states will require you are already legally married, some even have a set time frame for the length of marriage before adoption.

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Actually the husband by law is the presumed father. It’s called Presumed Paternity when a child is born within a marriage and unless the husband is willing to file paperwork along with his wife that denies paternity, she’s out of luck. The denial of paternity in Illinois has to be filed within 2 years of the child’s birth. The wife cannot file alone, the presumed father has to sign off on this also. If the biological father wants to establish paternity he can and also establish his paternal responsibility at the same time. I suggest that you get an attorney to find out what you can and can’t do. Based on the little bit that I know, there’s not much you can do without your ex husband denying paternity. Good luck!

All the best dear lady!! This is very confusing. Tell us more.

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Going through this now. My daughter’s bio dad was out of her life for 11 1/2 years before he decided to make a short appearance. He got into trouble with the law and he vanished again only to hurt my daughter in the process. She doesn’t want to see him again. Which I don’t blame her. It’s a long story. I am engaged and he treats her as his own. He said her bio dad obviously doesn’t want and doesn’t know how to be a dad but he does and he will take her. So we went to a lawyer to start the process. I think it was $1500 to start. I signed the consent to adopt form. The lawyers paralegal asked me to contact the bio dad and ask him to sign the same paper. Surprisingly he agreed. He said he didn’t really want to but said she could always contact him later if she wanted. The paralegal went to him and had him sign it and notarized it. The only thing he was worried about was child support and when he could stop paying it. We are just waiting for the judge to sign off on it. We were told there would be a home inspection but haven’t heard anything else about that so I don’t know. But see a lawyer they have the answers and they send it to the agency that does the adoption.

This isn’t the full story…when exactly was she born while you were married or not? Has he been the only one taking care of her? Because I don’t see how he would be granted rights if not.
You need to come clean and accept the doors you opened earlier

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I think you should count your blessings that your ex husband even though not the father has decided he wants to stand by her as well as your other kids especially if at the time her biological dad was not in the picture. It’s nice you’ve moved on now but these kids already have their parents and a step parent adopting or not adopting doesn’t and shouldn’t make a difference on how the children are raised or looked after. I’d say leave it be. He sounds like a good guy to fight for the chance to give that girl a daddy. Need more info tho

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If you were married at the time, that makes him the legal father even if he’s not the bio father. If he’s participating in the child’s life, I’m not sure how you would have someone else adopt her if he has custody with you. I would think it would be difficult and expensive to fight him and a judge isn’t likely to cut out a father figure if he’s still around.

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Why do women always want the new guy to be the dad? What if every time a man got a new girlfriend he tried to turn her into the new mom? Regardless of any issues going on you can’t just change fathers because you feel like starting a new family. I know some kids who have had a different step dad every year and their mom makes them act like a family every time. It’s sad and pathetic. Especially when their dad is actually involved. This man fought for shared custody because this little girl obviously only had him at that time. If he’s in her life he’s the dad. Period. I think it’s time to wake up and grow up. Your bad decisions have affected your baby since birth. A third man coming in and adopting or having a claim to her is just plain selfish and stupid. It shows your bad judgement. Leave it alone. Take a break. She’s 4 years old and you’ve already exposed her to 3 different “dads”. Just stop.

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You should definitely seek legal help. Most attorneys give free consultations….

You were still married and living in the same house but had a kid with someone else who’s not even the guy you’re with right now but the bio dad signed the birth certificate… this is weird af and something doesn’t add up

The actual father needs to speak up, but if you took blood tests etc, I dont know if you did, but if you did that would of squashed the whole case. If he is not the father, he has no legal standing.
It sounds like the court just wanted to look out for the child

Poor child. You can’t let every man you end up with be the dad. She already has one that takes care of her.

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So you want to take the man who has been there since day 1? Hunny my children’s biological father doesn’t even try. He goes out of his way to avoid trying. Be thankful your children have 2 men who will love and protect them unconditionally. He’s not trying to take the kids away from you. It’s what they know.

I feel like there’s more to this that we don’t know. Id maybe get a solicitor that would be the best bet x

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What did you do on your end to where a man who isn’t her father has shared custody? Was sue born while still married or no? And what’s up with bio dad that he doesn’t want him involved?

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So let me get this right, her biological dad isn’t in the picture never has been. Your ex husband took on that role even after you spilt and has spent the last 3 years having shared custody of her along with he’s own children. She now sees your ex husband as her dad the same as her siblings. You now want to stop your ex husband seeing her so your new partner can adopt her? Are you okay? This poor little girl won’t know what the hell is going on! Regardless of what you think of your ex he stepped up when her dad walked away and has spent the last year’s being her father and you want to just rip all that away so your new partner can have her! You don’t play with children’s lives

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Sounds to me like he’s this childs father and you need to grow up… you come across as toxic, sorry not sorry

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You should talk to a lawyer. There are some missing pieces here. You’d probably be more comfortable discussing with someone with the knowledge to support your efforts.

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Struggling to understand how someone not named on the birth certificate, not a partner helping to bring up a child , having nothing to do with the child and not supporting it financially would be allowed shared custody :thinking:
Id suggest a lawyer

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Your whole story is rather messed up! You made BAD decisions. You were separated from your ex husband, lived in the same house, had a baby from someone else, babies daddy wasn’t in the pic AND had a NEW BOYFRIEND by the time your baby was 1??? STOP and take a look at your life! If your ex husband is NOT on the BC and the baby daddy is then how did he get split custody? Did he have proof that you were an unfit mother? Because that don’t just happen unless he has a leg to stand on. Be HONEST and tell the FULL story and STOP playing the victim!!! Why do you want to change her name? Or is it the last name you’re talking about? Seems you have freaking issues, you are the problem here.

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to let my fiance adopt a child from a previous relationship?

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Get a lawyer the surest way to go about it. Since ex-husband is not the father and isn’t on birth certificate it’s gonna be a doozy

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Most likely your ex husband would retain the custody rights he has as they were court awarded. I think you’d be looking to have the father on the birth certificate to relinquish his rights for an adoption though.

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Yes I changed my daughter name when my husband adopted my daughter at age 3 . It can be done do dna and it also proves he’s not the father and then he has no rights

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Like were y’all married at the time you had this child? Because otherwise I don’t get why the court gave him rights

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If your daughter loves the EX and is close with him why take that away from her bc you and you fiancé want her all to ur self. Put the child’s feelings first not your own. She can have multiple father figures without having papers filed and names changes and the whole 9 to satisfy adults that don’t need to be satisfied in that way.

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Get a paternity test, prove he’s not the father, then fight his visitation in court. The only way for your now fiancé to adopt her is if bio dad relinquishes his rights and the court says fiancé can adopt, usually you and fiancé will need to be married for this to happen.

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If he fed the child and took care of it and loved it as his own who are you to tell him he has no right to it? Does the child look at him as a dad? Their are so many things that can go into that.

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Poor child stuck in that mess! :cry:

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He’s not her bio dad but her “legal” dad… ergo the shared custody. You need to contact a family atty who specializes in custody issues.

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I don’t know where you live (city/state)but that child only being a yr and a half old at the time on top of she would have never remembered your ex husband, he should have never ever been given joint custody. That’s absolutely absurd and you clearly didn’t have the right lawyer or representation. What was his motive? You played this crazy game and got crazy results, had a baby while still married and living under the same room of your soon you be ex! Make any of this make sense and your not with the bio dad either. Wth
That judge is a nut job. You better save your coin sis and get the best family law lawyer in your STATE! Oh and the bio dad has to relinquish rights. The judge did that because even though it’s not your ex’s you we’re still legally married. You could have found a way to fight that and didn’t. Now you want someone new in your life to adopt her? Your doing the most. That poor lil girl is gonna grow up nothing but confused and be very angry with you. Sorry not sorry for being so harsh but you created quite the train wreck life for this lil girl.

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Check your state laws. You need to talk to an attorney. If your ex refuses to sign over his rights, and has a relationship with the child, it’s doubtful that any judge will agree to that. Good luck! :revolving_hearts:

I don’t understand why you would want to take him away from her,Seems like he’s being the responsibility one here

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Take your ex to court for paternity and custody in one. It will prove hes not the father. Then since the other hasn’t been there but is on the bc it may be easier dealing with him afterward to maybe consent to the adoption

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Girl you are doing way too much. :roll_eyes: Listen your husband already has partial custody AND ANOTHER man is on her birth certificate. :woman_facepalming:t4: You might as well leave things as they are. In order for your fiancé to adopt your daughter, her biological father’s parental rights have to be relinquished. In your case your husband has partial custody so they would have to relinquish his rights too and I SERIOUSLY doubt that they will do that. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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My son is going through this.the lawyers keep saying you have to be married before an adoption can take place no matter what

How does your ex get shared custody of your daughter when she isn’t his child :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

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So you were living with your ex , still married . Had a baby with someone else , then jumped into another relationship with another man … :woman_facepalming:t3:…usually I don’t say this but you need some therapy . Those poor children . You aren’t even married to his man and to be honest you got yourself into this mess …

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You’re definitely going to need a lawyer to sort this mess. Find a good one and let them take care of it.

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Does he love that child? Does he care for her? Does he spend time with her? Then if so, you just sound like a bitter baby mom, you should want your children to be surrounded by people who love and care for them.

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How did the court not even do a paternity test ?
I would fight that. It’s only right for the bio dad to have rights over your and his child.

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How did your ex husband even get shared custody over a kid that isn’t his ?. If her bio dad doesn’t take anything to do with her and your ex has stepped up to take care of her love her and then I would leave it the way it is and tell your partner he can still be a step parent to your child but not to force it on them as that child is going to be confused AF when they are older I’m confused just reading it so think of how your child will actually feel. I’m not sure why you would take them away from someone who’s fought for them and actually stepped up just to fling another man in the mix you need to slow down your doing to much girl

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How can he have visitation to a child that’s not his??? That’s not even legal. Its not his child.

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What I’m confused about is how bio dad is on the certificate but now ex husband got shared custody. That doesn’t make sense. I know in some states if you are married, your husband automatically goes on the certificate regardless of paternity… this just seems like a :sparkles: hot mess :sparkles:

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Demand a paternity test through court. This makes absolutely zero sense as to how he was granted 50/50 in a non biological kid that he’s not even in the birth certificate for … :thinking:

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When we did ours they required at least 1 yr of marriage, background check, references & home visit…

Stop trying to pick her daddy for her. Let her dad be her dad! For the love of your child, just because your adult relationships fail doesn’t mean she changes her dad like you change partners. Take some parenting classes instead and quit creating more choas in her life.

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I’m very shocked the court allowed him to gain shared custody when it can be proven by DNA it isn’t his child and you’re not wanting him to be her father figure. Does he have a relationship with her? That’s very strange.

Anyways…

My biological dad wouldn’t sign his rights over but wanted nothing to do with me either. My mom legally had my last name changed to my stepdads last name. (I hate that word “step” bc he’s the only dad I have ever known and loved) it’s a very easy process. All you have to do is file for the name change and let the court know the biological father is not in the picture and cannot be found. You will have to run an add in the news paper outlining the intent for name change. If the biological father doesn’t contact the court to object after a few weeks of the ad being ran in the paper the judge can then approve the request of name change and it’s finalized. My mom did this with me and we actually just did this with my bonus son. He has hated his first and middle name for as long as he can remember and wanted it legally changed. Process was quick, easy and painless.

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How confusing for all the children…you lived with him. Had a child with someone else and now are with another guy. …definitely messy…

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Your fiancée cannot ever adopt her unless baby daddy #2 signs over his rights and your ex husband signs over his visitation. If he’s paying anything towards anything for her it can’t happen without him allowing it .
It doesn’t matter about the marriage or your feelings about him. What matters is his relationship with the kids. Since it’s good and he’s seeing them drop it. He was living in the same house as her since day 1 and now shares custody . You have to accept the mess you created .

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I would talk to a lawyer about having a dna test done to prove that your ex-husband isn’t the child’s father and see if the real father would sign away his rights.

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