You can’t lead a horse to water honey. I know it’s hard, but take care of them on you’re own.
You don’t force anyone to be a parent. Raise your kids and leave him where he’s at. It’s not your job to make him be a dad. He will regret it one day. Your kids will appreciate everything you do for them regardless. Get babysitting assistance so you can work
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Some times not having to talk to or have someone n your life is a blessing ,god will make sure y’all r ok girl
Apply for child care vouchers or find in home daycare so u can go back to work
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You can’t make him i know its hard youll have to try get some support and resources from dr or government to help you or do u have any friends or family who can help sometimes ? I get it i totally understand my ex husband is MIA he hasnt had a phone call w my daughter since she was 4 and said some nasty awful stuff about me on the phone to her and she hasn’t heard from him n years and she 10 now
I get no child support and no help from his family or him
He hasnt emailed me in a year and half and when he did email me it was all your a bitch etc im a bad mom but he never tried with her he would make a plan date to come visit n never show up and email me an excuse
I had to be a single mom for years and had no help and my own parents are narcissistic so they just brain wash my daughter and tell her im a bad mother
If u ever need any advice and help message me ill be here as much as i can even if u need to vent
It u wanted to be in their lives he would and he prob has too much anger clouding him and will never get over it to put it aside and see his children its sad but u can’t make people change
Hes not helping to retaliate against you.
You saw the type of person he is. You can’t change tht.
Don’t rely on him. It’s not fair, but you have to just take it as it is and push ahead.
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Hun, you gonna have to figure this out for the sake of those babies…maybe move closer to family for support if thats a option…be glad you getting that child support from him…I had to do it on my own. With absolutely no help from my kids dad…hes nothing but toxic to them in his state and has never contributed to his kids growth…oh im mistaken he gave me a hundred bucks after our youngest son was born…about 6mths later…
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Stop expecting any thing. Leave him to his lame ass self. Your kids are better off.
And fuck him…child support is mandatory. Let those words of a sore loser roll off your back and right out the door. Hugs mama…you CAN do the hardest things🥰
I know its tough and we wish it could be different but you have to pull up those socks…look for programs n supports for the kids…in the city I lived in, when my kids were small. There were alot of programs I utilized to help out…all the best to you…
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Find a better support system. If he’s toxic, abusive etc why would you want that around your kids? It won’t get better. He isn’t magically going to think ‘oh snap I gotta be great!’ He will either take his frustration out on them or they will hear nothing but negativity about you. Look for a work from home job. Find a friend to trade out babysitting with, but don’t force him into something that will put your babies at risk. Leave it alone.
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Wait wait wait… you don’t work and they are in daycare?! Interesting 
. There’s one of the reasons why he’s mad!
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Since you are getting child support tLk to your local human service department for assistance with food stamps and with child care assistance. Not sure where you are living but my state and the couple states near me do this option for single parents. Keep your head up and do not think you can not do this. You can and will provide for those kids. Hugs and positive vibes to you.
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Well, if he is everything you said he is, this is his last ditch effort to get you to come back to him. You can’t do it on your own without his help, so you go back, right? Prove him wrong, reach out to someone in the state and see what they can do to help you, show him you don’t need him to raise those children! I raised mine on my own, a lot of the time without child support, or him. He hated that, and the more I did it, the angrier he got and the happier I was and the kids turned out well adjusted, happy and healthy. Everything you want your kids to be!
I feel for ya. I was 18 and in the same boat. I took him for support and got into a subsidized day care so I could get a job and we moved on without him. I definitely reported his ax whenever support wasn’t paid. Most of the time I didn’t have to attend the hearings. Once my son was old enough to properly express himself, I offered a day a week visitation, until my lil man was comfortable with any more time than that. Ironically my son chose not to spend nights and I refused to force him to do the visits either. Domestic relations was supportive of those decisions
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The money you get from isn’t supposed to cover all of the expenses, your still responsible for half of it. There is free programs for child care and government assistance. You have options. As for your baby daddy, stop trying to make him be a dad. The way you described him your wasting your time.
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Apply for child care assistance. He can’t stop you from don’t that. He doesn’t have to help you in order for you to work. Help yourself.
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You can’t make someone step up and be a Father. Sad but true.
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Girl it took my sons father 9 years to fully step up to the plate. He came around when it was convenient for him throughout that time. We broke up when my son was 4 months old. You’re going to have to get a job to support yourself and your kids. I didn’t get child support. I worked my ass off. I was always working to support my son. Find a trusted baby sitter and look for a job. I even had 3 jobs at one point. You can do it.
“Make”. You aren’t the boss of him. You don’t own him. Worry about you and what you are doing.
You Dont! You can’t force anyone to be a parent! Forcing them could harm your child! Just be the best mom you can be and don’t worry about him!
Everyone who says why pay for daycare if she doesn’t work is so annoying 
daycare is good for them to socialize and what I got from this is that she knows the cost of childcare and knows she can’t afford it which is why she can’t work. You need childcare before a job 
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You are doing the right thing for your kids. Call job and family services in your area, they have child care programs, trade child care with friends or family ( someone you trust).
Get on SNAP to help you.
Look for a job you can do to support your kids, maybe something you can do from home.
You do not not can you make someone be a parent. Your children will eventually figure out who their dad is, you don’t have to do anything.
Take all the help you can get until you get on your feet.
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You can’t make someone parent that doesn’t have it in them. Hopefully sooner than later he realizes he’s missing out on his kids lives and steps forward on his own. Good luck.
Maybe I can answer the meaning of life easier…… 
Honey, you can’t force him to be who you wish he was. Put on your big girl panties and do it without him. Build you a support system. File for assistance. Yes it takes two to make them babies but quit depending on him to help. You can do this. I did.
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Court… If he was abusive the kids are probably better off not seeing him. Or get supervised visitation.
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You should apply for daycare assistance. Once child support was to be garnished from my ex’s wages he started working under the table. But having that daycare assistance has helped tremendously.
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youre a mom. Figure it out. Legally child support is all hes supposed to do. Theres programs to help and ways to do this other than crying on Facebook and having a pity party
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You will be okay, be thankful you and the kids are away from him, call your local Human Resources they will help you with daycare.
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“You can’t make anybody want to be a parent but you can hope they care enough to at least be a part of the child’s life and do what’s right. Some people don’t. “ quote from a judge themselves. All you can do is go through court process to try to get support but even then it doesn’t always mean the person will comply. He doesn’t have to do anything beyond child support if he doesn’t want to. Sometimes you have to accept that YOU are the parent and really that’s it.
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When my ex husband and I split I applied online for food stamps and subsidy pay for daycare and they called me a couple days later and did an interview over the phone to approve me for them. Super easy process and it helped a lot. We decided not to do child support but helped each other out with child expenses whenever we needed it. It was so much easier too.
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Go to courts get wages garnished . Or I’d just try n figure out how to take care of kids n tell the pos to kiss off sounds like kids better off without him anyway
Why would you wanna make him be apart of your kids if he’s so unhealthy and abusive ??
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If he’s so toxic why would you want him to be involved? People can’t change because you want them to, and they won’t just flip a switch because they have a child. You can’t make people do anything they don’t want to do 
I know doing it alone is difficult but I’d rather tough it out alone and make my way than deal with inconsistency and potential drama from a man child.
If he didn’t want to be a father there were ways to avoid that 
now he pays child support. Such is life.
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As a single Momma to 4 young kids that were 6 down to infant and we were discarded right before the pandemic… You got this. But the key is YOU not him. The sooner you move on and focus on you and the kids the further and happier along you’ll be. Fuck yes it’s hard as hell but it’s worth it got you and got them. Look up all your resources for single moms in the area, free child care, food assistance, cash assistance, clothes stipends, low income housing, school and start every day building yourself back up. You don’t need a man or anyone else to thrive. You can this. It took a lot of crying days and I still have a lot of work but it’s doable and the freedom and happiness you begin to feel realizing you can is so worth it. I promise you. You got this.
You can’t make someone be … anything unless they want 2.
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Good thing you broke up with that good for nothing “man.”
You can’t make him be involved. He has to want to. I learned the hard way and it causes nothing but anger. Just let it go.
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My kids are 16 and 14, we’ve been broken up for 14 years. He still hasn’t stepped up in more ways then one. 
You can’t make him do anything.
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Work from home, babysit other kids,doordash, sell plates
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Sometimes you have to step up and raise your children yourself my mom raised 7 of us never had any support from dad and we never missed him !!
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You should apply for child care assistance. Being a single mom with 2 kids I’m sure you would qualify! It’ll help you be able to work and get back on your feet.
And definitely don’t force him to be around. If he doesn’t want to, then good riddance. Your kids will see who was there and who wasn’t
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If he’s a narcissist it’s best he doesn’t step up. Keep the child support and act like he doesn’t exist. Let him be
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Just live, move on! Do what you gotta do for you and your babies. Don’t go back, don’t give in.
You can’t make anyone do anything… either they have a reason & want to, or they don’t… force, threats, ultimatums etc… aren’t gonna work… id rather have someone want to do it versus doing it out of force… maybe dad will have a wake up call & want to see your children… maybe not…
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Girl you can’t make anyone be a parent but you can be the very best parent you can be! You got this mama and I know it will be hard but worth it. ignore everything he says and keep ALL proof so when you go to court you have it all. Only talk to if it is really needed and as hard as it will be stay calm. Apply for child care, food stamps and get back up on your feet. Ignore this fool!
Just an honest questions … If you left because you didn’t want your kids around him, why would you want him to step up??
You got this! It may seem like it’ll never get better but it will eventually just keep being a great mamma to your babies!! This too shall pass
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If he is abusive I wouldn’t force him to be in your kids life. You have custody and child support. If he doesn’t want to help don’t make him. I have been in your shoes. You and your children are better off without him. Trust me.
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If he is a narcissist nothing you can do will cause him to understand that he’s doing the bare minimum. I’d send him a weekly “receipt” of the kids expenses so he can see his child support is only a fraction of the expenses you are paying. As for visitation, your last sentence makes me question why you’d want to push for it?! If you left because you didn’t want your son around it, why would you want him alone with them? Sounds as if he needs to work on himself before I’d feel comfortable leaving them. He’s probably hurting over losing you and not in a good head space anyways. Best of luck, mama!
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You can’t make anyone be a parent… well, a good parent.
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You can’t “make” someone step up, it sounds like you and your Littles are better off without. The damage toxic people cause is not worth the $
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Can’t make him if he doesn’t want to. Do what’s best for you and the kiddos and move on.
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Girl yuu can do this as a single mom ya can get help to enable ya to work to provide for your kids …it’s very doable …it may be best to let him no be part of their lives if he is the way ya say he is .hugs push forward …
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You can’t make someone be a father if they don’t want to. All you can do is let it go.
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You cant- your going to need to work to have a decent life.
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Sounds like to me you don’t want to pull your side either. You can’t ever make anyone do something you are not willing to do yourself. You both made the babies, time to grow up and provide for them, no matter what. Your children didn’t ask to come into this world and live this life. Make it the best you can and forget the rest.
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You can’t make him. You shouldn’t have to but apparently you are parenting alone. You can get childcare assistance
Umm . i confused… Soo you left him cuz you didnt want your kids around him. But… You’re angry he’s not around?
Oh hell… Mine has been 100% outta our lives for months and i couldn’t be happier his ass is no Where near my kids.
Priority…
You can’t force him to be a parent so do the best you can. Sounds like you just don’t want to work. Go get on assistance for child care, and find a job that works with the kids schedule. Starbucks is an awesome company to work for.
First things first, STOP saying what you CAN’T do without his help. If you want to work you CAN without his help. Since you’re not currently working, I’ll assume you receive some type of public aid. If so, most of not all states have childcare assistance. They will pay part or all of your childcare expenses depending on how much you make. There are PLENTY of jobs hiring, try to find a company whose schedule fits your needs. I’m not going to lie, it’s gonna be tough but it’s doable.
If he doesn’t want to help with the kids, it’s fine. You went and got child support so at least he has to do his part financially. I’m just curious as to why you would want to further expose your kids to an a TOXIC, ABUSIVE NARCISSIST. You left for a reason and he wants to see you struggling in hopes that you’ll come crawling back to him. Show him otherwise. Good luck.
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I was a single mom with 3 kids and I managed to work. Guys do get pissy when they are “forced” to help pay for their kids. If they paid on their own time, it would never happen. Let him be pissy. He has responsibilities too. I don’t know what kind of resources you have for childcare but I think it’s something you should look into so you can go to work. I know finding a good childcare is hard and it does hold you back a little bit but you should try to find something though. We all have to make sacrifices. Good luck!
You can’t make anyone do anything. It’s time to move on and get ahold of DSS and get some assistance and get back to work.
Young one use the same system that got you child support- demand visitation rights be addressed. You can not make this knucklehead change only he can change himself. Forget even thinking you can change him- it didn’t work when you were married and won’t work now. You can only control your environment. I suggest you keep good communication between the child and yourself.
You can’t make him do anything. Take the child support, document how much he calls/sees them etc. And them file for sole custody and ask permission to move closer to a support system if your not near one.
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Idk what state you are from but in Maryland you can get daycare vouchers that will pay for most of not all for single mothers in need. Go to social services, salvation army, churches, etc to find out all the resources that are available to you. Single moms do it all the time and you have to start somewhere and you can only go up from here. Stay positive you got this. You do not need him!
There usually are day care programs that go based off income I’d look in to a headstart if you have one around or maybe a church daycare because they go off income with scholarship programs. I would say peace and chicken grease if he keeps up with the mouthy rude commets go through the court and get family wizard I think that’s what it’s called its a texting app through the court if he keeps up with his behavior it will be documented and definitely not good for him. Good luck you just can’t make some people care about their children and the kids will notice and know that you had their best interest.
Since clearly you where abused you need therapy. And you also need to differentiate between what he made you believe and what you actually can do.
Just wait till he gets a girlfriend he’s gonna pretend to be #1 dad. Really though that sucks nothing more annoying than a dead beat dad, hopefully he gets it together but usually they don’t until the kids are grown then they are “sorry.” 
You can’t make him he doesn’t want to so look for a daycare or babysitter or a place that takes kids from infant to preschool where they teach preschool in iowa it’s called headstart
You can’t and he won’t don’t make yourself crazy
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You can’t make him. You’ll make yourself crazy trying.
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Your lucky, i can’t get childsupport from mine. I asked him for a pack of wipes for the first time in 6 months and he gave me a half dried up dollar tree pack with the top missing. It was pathetic he couldn’t even spend 1.50 on his kid. Some dads are just sheety
You can’t make your ex do anything. If he wants to, he will. Single mothers kick ass everyday. Get all your paperwork in order and sign up for the local programs in your area that help low income families/single parent households. There are often day cares available if you do some research that you will be able to afford so you can go back to work. You don’t need him to provide for you, you can do it on your own. Yes, 100% it makes it easier, but narcissists want you to feel helpless and powerless without them.
Unfortunately you can’t make a man step up to be a dad, he’s gotta want to do it on his own. Don’t waste your time and energy on things you have no control over. Yes it sucks big time but you just keep on keeping on and be that awesome mother. Your children will come to learn who was there and who wasn’t. Expectations lead to disappointment from immature guys, just don’t.
get daycare vouchers/ ask a family member to babysit and work from there. There are also work from home jobs.
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Keep him outta their lives girl. You can do it!! There’s public assistance that will pay for daycare so you can work. REMEMBER!! Where there’s a WILL there’s a WAY!!! YOU GOT THIS MOMMA!!! I have 3 boys with no child support or help from anyone!! If I can do it, so can you. It’s all in your MINDSET BABE!!
Apply for state coverage of daycare expenses, that will allow you to go to work. As far as the asshat goes, nothing you do or don’t do will make him step up. He either will or he won’t. If he suddenly wants to act like dad of the year cuz he’s got someone, shut that shit down, its damaging your children and he needs to know he can’t just pop in and out whenever its convenient for him. Hes either there or hes not, and it sounds like he doesn’t want to be there. I’d personally stop all communication with him, and forget him
I fought this battle for YEARS! It’s a losing battle. You can’t make a parent step up unless that’s what they want to do. Not sure what state you’re in, but reach out for community services… food stamps, medical assistance, day care assistance… whatever you can get. And whatever you do, don’t let him con you into dropping child support.
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Yes u can go back to work. Get you a sitter and on some assistance. If you can figure your way to child support you can figure that too.
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You can’t make him. I’ve been trying to find my baby daddy for child support for over a year now. He hasn’t seen our kids in 2 years. You just have to step up and do what he doesn’t. It’s up to you now. Look into state assistance for daycare, it’s the only way I’m able to work.
Feel that whole heartdely!! My ex husband was a good dad. He was present when he could be
Now we got a divorce and he talks to them on his weekends only.
Which is 40 nights a year
You can’t make him do anything. And he won’t do anything. More then likely Not till he finds a girlfriend anyway. Then he will say you keep the kids from him and he might message you asking for them.
My son turns 2 in afew weeks and hasn’t seen his dad since Easter cause he hasn’t asked. Before then he hadn’t seen him for 2-3 months. And has only given me money once ($140) for clothes for him cause he just hit another growth spurt and I had to ask.
My daughter only sees her dad cause his parents ask to see her and he lives with them. And even then for about 6 months he wasn’t there cause he was by his new girlfriend he Was saying I kept her from him even tho she was at his house every weekend.
Supposed to get child support from both but don’t get it at all unless convenient for them.
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You can’t make him step up
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Get custody before you try to make him step up
FYI, I’m not sure where you’re from but in Illinois, child care is EXTRA, sports are extra, college is extra on top of child support. you will need to get an attorney to help with that.
If he’s toxic, narsistic and abusive, WHY would you want him around your kids??? After all, isn’t that why you left, because you didn’t want to be subjected to the toxic, narcissistic and abusive behavior anymore? I’d say good riddance to bad rubbish and do the parenting on your own. There is lots of help out there for single mothers and daycare. Stop making excuses and make results for a better life for your kids and yourself. You can do this on your own!
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Go back to court & tell the judge that it is fine that he doesn’t want to do what dad’s are supposed to do, BUT you need more money so you can pay someone else to care for your kids. I’d also inform the judge that he is not paying monthly & you need the rears.
I’m a coach who specializes in high conflict coparenting relationships. You can’t “make” him do anything. Ever. You can, however, advocate for yourself—get government assistance until you’re able to provide on your own. Look up local resources—child care assistance, food assistance, medical assistance, etc.
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You can’t make a man step up and be a man or dad. He’s the only one who can do that. Your best best is to forget about trying and so what you need to do to take care of your kids. Unfortunately, it sounds like raising your kids is all on you…don’t waste anymore time/energy worrying about him.
I tried. 18 years later my son refuses to even recognize his biological father but calls his step dad pops
Could see if any daycares are hiring. Get free daycare by working there or see if any churches offer low cost daycare around where you live. Usually can get daycare assistance if low income. Ignore him and focus on raising the kids.
You can’t MAKE someone be a parent. If he doesn’t want to be involved ask him to sign his rights away. Hire a sitter, look into daycares. You don’t need him.
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Terminate all his rights and move on.
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You can’t MAKE him do anything. The problem here is u think u can. Move on and just be a mom
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First of all. If he is toxic and feels that child support is wasted. (Coming from someone who gets $38 a month, and is raising my 8th non bio kid) You don’t want that kind of help. Reach out to grandparents for assistance so you can get on your feet. Even his folks. Apply for daycare assistance. I recommend a preschool setting, they are wonderful. Get educated and on your feet. Don’t show your children how to wait around for someone else to guide you down the path. Make your own dam path and walk that path proudly. Skip from time to time. I am 41. Could retire in five years if our company allowed it. Would have a nine year old (non bio) at the time. I work 48 hours a week and unfortunately miss a lot of their sports and activities. But at the end of the night they all say “goodnight, love you”. They see independence and strength. They know I am their mom and their dad, or at least trying to pull those two roles off. They see effort, they see me trying for all of us. Yeah it’s difficult. Yes I struggled. At one point I had two full time jobs and had to bring my birth kids to my second job. So my at the time husband (unemployed professionally, he quit his job two days after we married and never went back) could lay on the couch and drink beer. You can’t make anyone be a dad or a mom. It’s super easy to take your pants off and become a parent. It takes strength and empowerment to be a mom or a dad. A quality he obviously does not have. His only concern about $$$ should be, are my children provided for? Take the time you need to gather your wits, take a good look at your kiddos and make a plan. What do you want for them, and what do you want for you? Just a little side note. I went through an abusive marriage with my two kiddos dad. Stayed for the kids, or so I thought. After 23 broken bones and many many black eyes, I found myself. Find yourself, and don’t look back. Your kids will ask about him someday. And your answer will be. “I don’t know, this was his phone number the last time I spoke to him”. And let them call. They will decide. Don’t speak poorly about him to your children. And don’t get upset when they want to talk about him. Guide their knowledge to make informed decisions. Give them the tools they need to find their own success.
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If he doesn’t want to you can’t make him. And don’t want your kid being made to feel like a burden or just plain obligation to him. I worked harder for my oldest 2 kids dad to be a dad than he did for 2 years. When I quit doing the work for him he quit taking our son ( daughter passed after birth) and now my beautiful boy is 11 and weeks away from being adopted by my husband who has been the only dad he’s known. He signed him over so he wasn’t responsible for child support anymore. Which I only got once a year for the last while from his tax return since he wouldn’t stay anywhere long enough to be garnished… you can’t make a prince out of a frog. Be receptive when he actually does ask. But don’t do the work for him. It will burn you out and you kids need their mom at her best.
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Start replacing the word can’t with can !!! You can do it !! Find a way with or without him !!! Go girl I got faith in you
Omg one of these woman if he was abusive toxic etc then why would you want him around you let alone the kids he don’t got to do nothing complete zero nil zilch and better than that you can do nothing about it.if you got half a 
brain get full custody and do everything you can to keep them away from him a child has never died because of having one parent and anyway you might not of seen he was a loser but I bet your mother did and she’s probably got her a wine when she heard you were finished now she be hoping you find a brain and keep the kids away from the loser but you won’t your find any excuse to keep his name in your mouth
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