I have been with a married man for almost five years. In his culture, they have arranged marriages inside the family. I have been able to justify the situation since it was never really his choice & he has never had a physical or emotional attraction to her. Over the past five years, we have had more than just a physical connection. We were best friends. We would vacation together, laugh for hours, tell each other our deepest secrets, talk about our life goals, etc. I know he is not emotionally or physically attracted to his wife, but he has an obligation to the kids, etc. Anyways after five years, I just decided I couldnāt settle anymore & left him. I am heartbroken, completely shattered. Yes, Iām already aware of what most will say, but you canāt help who you love. Will I ever move on from this?
Sorry you bought this pain upon yourself. As the victim of a cheating spouse I have no sympathy for you.
āThis too shall pass!ā
I mean you set yourself up for the hurt sooo just deal with it. 
I feel bad for his wife. 
So what did he tell his wife when these āvacationsā happened? Business trip? 
Did you not feel bad while on these said vacations, dates, bed hook ups knowing his wife was at home tending to THEIR children, housework, probably even folding his laundry all while youāre with him? Like just wow 
How could you have put not only yourself but his family in that situation for FIVE years!!! FIVE years knowing he is married and youāre interfering with that and you just didnāt care? Did he even care or feel bad? Clearly noone cared because it went on for five years. It shouldnāt have happened at all. I hope his wife finds out the truth. She doesnāt deserve any of this. Heās in a arranged marriage but performing infindeltyā¦ Thatās highly frowned upon whether heās attracted to his wife or not. Youāre making excuses for him as a reasoning behind your actions. And thatās not okay.
A day at a time maāam. Things are not always black and white. We are human and we make mistakes in our own way. Sending light to your situation. Learn to love yourself fully and unconditionally and the healing will take place before you know it. 
Thatās a very shitty situation for all 3 of you. You will move on in time. Maybe without you there he can finally form a bond with his actual wife too.
This will take time, it will heal, you have to love yourself before you can love another, you were smart enough to know there was no future. Put one foot in front of the other keep moving forward.
You did the right thing, Iām sure you already realize that because you left the relationship, which was disrespectful in so many ways but you know that too. Stay strong and stay true to yourself, you deserve better and he will never be free to give you a real future. Good on you for growing out of that situation 
The right man for you will come along when youāre ready 
All sympathies for the actual wife and the kids. Rest the man is the cheater Nd ur a mistress (this is what we call the other woman)
What goes around comes around, sorry for his wife,been there done that and he knew what he was in for before he married so no excuse for the behaviour of both of you
Iām sure another husband will come along.
No words. Good luck with all thatā¦
Oof thatās a long time to put urself through something that is not beneficial to ur life. But to answer ur question, break ups cause withdrawal symptoms similar to addiction, typically lasting 6months. Sometimes tho getting over a relationship can take half the time of the total relationship (example together 3 years, may take up to 1.5yrs to fully heal) I would say if after 6 months ur still really struggling to get over it, to seek therapy. Focus on urself, & maybe try to figure out why u would put yourself through that, knowing he wasnāt leaving his wife, & knowing that it wouldnāt go anywhere. Heal, grow, & find someone that is ONLY yours & will benefit your life.
Yes you CAN help who you love by not getting involved with the married man to begin with
You knew it was a dead end from the start so why you crying now?
You canāt help who you love but you can control yourself from sleeping with another womanās husband 
Your soul mate is never going to be someone elseās husband. Suck it up and move on.
It takes time you did the right thing youāll heal slowlyā¤
He has no attraction to her physically or emotionally but has been happy to have s#x with her. Sounds like a good man to me
The kids had to come from somewhere, he must have had some kind of connection to her
First off donāt worry about what all these other judgers I mean women are sayingā¦. this is your lifeā¦ period. Secondly yes you will move on but itāll take time but the more time that goes on the easier it will getā¦ youāll meet somebody that will change things around for you and youāll be in a loving committed relationship. Good luck
I get it but your not alone in this thank goodness you are moving on trust me he will get someone else if he was truly in love he would have divorce her or left he should be ashamed I see you as a victim of love cheating and disappointment but trust me you will move on you will feel better about yourself and you will find real love that someone that wants to be with you 24/7 that you do not have to share cuz obviously they had a physical relationship or they would not have had children let him pay alimony and child support if he really wants out
Arranged marriage is in some customs. But either way 2 people made vows and then a family. Heās not a good or honest man otherwise he wouldnāt have had an affair. Sounds like you fell for him. Shame on you going in knowing he was married. And to think this went on for 5 years! Where was his thoughts if his family while he vacationed with you?? Not only did he waste his life but yours to. Karma will sort all this out. How do you lay with a man knowing heās going home to his wife? Have you NO self-respect??..you stole 5 years from those children to. Time they could have had as a family!!! This is so sad. Find your own man. Unmarried if thatās possible.
Chiiiilllle youāll be alright. No one told you to fall in love with someone elseās husband 
just do what youāre doing now and stay away from married men
I donāt care what his culture is. He was wrong for using it to manipulate you and you are just as wrong for allowing a married man to entertain you. Smarten up before you ruin anyone elseās life.
If they have kids there must of been some kind of physical attraction
I hope the wife finds you 
You need to read all you wrote & listen to what your saying, wow! U can help who you fall in love with, just pure nonsense. Itās people like you that keep marriages apart. He is married, period of how, whys etc.! Married is married, this man has children with his wife, who do U think U are? U r NOT a victim, his e8fe & children are, shame on you! Get out of their lives. If you donāt thinl more of yourself than to do this then stay away from people. U got lots of working on yourself before any relationship/s. And no, this man is definitely not not a saint, he needs to get over himself & start counting his Blessings from āhis wife & childrenā. How U thinkhis children feel, do U care?! Donāt play victim, you knew all thisā¦
A married man will always tell you he doesnāt love his wife or he wants a divorce. That didnāt happen so he probably loves his wife and you were the sidekick. You will feel better. It takes time. Get with a single man next time
Fill your days and nights with other people and activities until you are able to move on. Spend time with girlfriends, reconnect with family near and far. Take up some new hobbies or learn something new like a foreign language, karate, build a birdhouse, Japanese cooking. Make new friends.
Pick specific times of day to cry and wallow in your sadness
Hahahahaha. The question should just be cancelledā¦ side pieces donāt get to have feelingsā¦
Arranged or not he still made a promise to her and infidelity is always frowned on. Next time stay away from taken men and pray karma doesnāt send a home wreaker into your relationships.
Once a side piece, always a side piece
I havenāt heard you express one word of concern over the feelings of the wife and children whose family you were stealing time and attention from for 5 years.
If you can learn to think about others and the consequences of your poor choices, then MAYBE you will become emotionally mature enough to āget over thisā.
You can help who you loveā¦you never start liking a married manā¦
Yes you can help who you fall in love with, once i know a man is in a relationship i am GONE baby. 
. Imagine if YOU were the wife in this scenario. I feel bad for her
And I put this politely, I donāt give a crap what kind of marriage she was in ranged or not, you were cheating with him. What is his wife actually loves him youāre cheating at her getting his love for yourself. Now you decide to leave and you want to know how to get over it, thatās called guilt eating at you.
You arenāt heart brokenā¦ you donāt have a heartā¦ no real woman that knows a man is married pursues a relationship with that manā¦
I hope for his wifeās sake SHE can move on.
You need to imagine how you would feel if you were the wife in this scenario. This whole thing makes me sick. Men will tell you anything about their wives if that means they can get some pu$$y from you!! Donāt be dumb. Itās people like you that are causing divorces every day.
Alot of ppl are about to take their own insecurities out on this op 
Why didnāt he just get divorced. If divorce was off the table from the start he was just using you then. You should have never gotten with him at all. Set boundaries for yourself
Itās never easy to move on. Hugs to you
You can move on by learning from your mistake and taking a long look in the mirror and deciding what you value most and where you will lay boundaries in the future , I know I laugh reacted but I mean this sincerely ,
Shame on you for getting involved with a married man in the first place. Women who act like you are part of the reasons why men have so many trust issues with women and why women donāt trust most females. I call what youāre dealing with, Karma. Hope you learn from your mistakes.,
Do remember that some men will tell you EXACTLY what you want to hear in order to get what they want. You have no idea what their relationship is like behind closed doors, he could very well be in love with her and lying to you, to get his cake and eat it too. I have personal things to share regarding it but would rather not. Men have the audacity, and frankly it is stupid women like you who ruin good familyās believing what a gross man tells you.
Yeah !!! Lol he lies and you are really gullibleā¦.
I just canāt feel sorry for youā¦ you knew what you were getting into. You knew he was married. Even if it was an arranged marriage, he was cheating on his wife with you. You knew there was no hope for you living a life together in the end. I think ending it was for the best, it wasnāt going anywhere and it was all sorts of wrong. He used you, you used him - itās over. Time healsā¦ just date a single man next time 
Men will always say My wife donāt understand meā¦ Or I only stay for the kidsā¦ Or some lame excuse. He will never leave his wife for you. That is a fact. If he wanted to he would have. Stop wasting your life for someone who has used you for 5 years.
I been in this kind ov situationā¦the guy was from Yemen and yes they keep it in the family meaning it was his cousinā¦incest. so no I didnāt consider it like a real marriage. She lived in Yemen with the child and he lived in the us and wud send her money. And yes he is forced by his father to marry his cousin. Believe he was Muslim
Sis, your soulmate is not that ladyās husband.
Move on!
Ya that r all pissed off I want ya to realize that he was probably married to his cousinā¦and it was a forced marriedā¦(arranged)
Oh yes totally know this situation!! Babygirl youāre dodging a bullet! Sending you positive vibes! Hopefully the best from here on out!
You just do. You force yourself to move on.
You āKNOWā he doesnāt love her or was attracted to her? How? Because HE told you? Think of it this way. What if he was lying to you or even worse, she really gad grown to love him, arranged marriage or not & you WILLINGLY were his mistress?! Honestly you donāt deserve to move on. You deserve your thoughts to consume you.
Heās married to a family member? 
This whole situation is messed up! 
All Iāma say is we accept the love we think we deserve. So reflect on yourself for awhile and why you put yourself in that situation. Sit with that accept that and then you should be good. 
āNot physically attracted to his wifeā but has children with her? 
I hope you donāt, I hope it haunts the depths of your soul. I hope you feel the pain the same way in years from now, and it keeps you from finding happiness. You donāt deserve it. This heartache is all yours to carry. I hope itās heavy af. Sorry not sorry.
But now you can seek happiness not tied to a Married Man !!!
Ok, so just curious here, since he doesnāt have a āphysical relationshipā with his arranged wife, how exactly do they have children together??? Apparently, he has been lying to you! Or heās been lying to you!!! Come on now I was married to a man nine years and he was living a double life working out of state and had a gf staying with him in his hotel room with him! She even bought him a new car and was supporting his gambling addiction. Then would come home once a month to us, me, his wife, and his kids. I just donāt understand how you can know he is married with a family at home, and allow yourself to sleep with him and have a relationship with him and not feel like a pos. Itās women like you that make us hate other women and our men! Itās wrong in every aspect and there us no justification for it. How do you not feel bad and wrong everyday for what your doing to his kids and his wife? Iām sorry but not sorry karma is a bitch and you have it coming.
To answer your question yes but it takes time all I suggest you get an unmarried one next time good luck
You donāt you embrace the hurt you fall in love with yourself again learn who YOU are alone and then fall for someone over time
When you give yourself a chance to start over, and put this doomed relationship in your resrvirw mirror, you will regain your self respect and feel complete. This man is not for you. He has managed to keep you a secret from his wife and family for 5 years? He is not an honest person. Let it go.
You are leading us to believe that the 2 of you had a soul connection but a true soul has empathy and neither of you were displaying any for the wife and children with your secret betrayals, remember that there are 2 people being āarrangedā in their situation but she was the only one actually holding her nose and honoring it
You deserve to break every day. Enjoy. 
Sorry to say this but you was just his toy of fun . Just move on and next time find man not married. Be true to your self .
He is a good lier and you went for it. He is probably from India or where ever arrange marriage still exists. He was cheating on his wife with you. I feel sad for his wife for living with this bastard. I don,t feel sorry for you at all , when you knew he was married, why did stay with him for 5 years.
Honestly, heās been gettin away with a wife and a gf for too long. Youāll move on when you allow yourself to realize your self worth and decide youāre better than being a side piece 
People who think they are perfect will down you as we all have read the comments of scorned women on here tonight burning you in hell in their minds . It happened and now you walked away . It will be like any breakup if you would of been with a single man or married or in a long relationship. You loved him you spent a lot of time and somewhere in your heart you thought you two would carry on or he would stand up and be with you and it didnāt happen . You have to find what keeps you busy while you heal . You have to decide how you would want to date or see someone again and hope they are available to spend time to see where it goes . Heal first or you will just be carrying that what if into any new time you might want with someone down the road . Itās all your choice now . Good luck .
Youāre just all messy and wrong! You shouldnāt have started something in the first place that would never progress. Keep dreamingā¦ karma will come and I hope his karma comes too
What a hero u rā¦ Soul connection to a married personā¦ Best friends laugh!!! And what an idiot wife must beā¦ In ur viewā¦ U canāt help who u fall in love withā¦ Bt u could do the right thing afterwards for not letting it move furtherā¦ Hilarious 
relationships are a joke to whole world now a daysā¦lies n cheating n then justifying it on love 
Not physically and emotionally attracted to his wife, but there are kids wena
You made a mistake that hopefully you never make again. You didnāt care about their hurt. How this woman or the kids feel. How YOU would feel if YOU were this woman. And that was very ignorant and disrespectful of you. Hopefully you take that and learn from it. Because you were hurting yourself from the very beginning.
Know your worth. And remember others as well. Youāre gonna cry. And feel destroyed. And although deserved, itās still hard. And Iām sorry you are hurt. You will get through it. And past it. Just Learn from it and grow. Look up daily aspirations and write them down. Tell them to yourself. And when youāre really down, remember your senses. Name something you see, touch, smell, taste, and hear. And then repeat until you can breathe again. Good luck girl.
Girl he played you and his wife . Not sexually attracted to her oh so he got bored & decided to have sex with her right? Come on wtf. Go be with someone who is not already married.
So u were dating a married man knowing that he is married Wether u were best friends or watever excuse you wanna call it shame on you hope it never happens to u an if it does u deserve it home wrecking mutt
You want a soul mate. God will never send you someone elseās husband. Shame on you for tangling with a married man! Hope one day the shoe is on the other foot for you and you see just how painful it is to have this happen to you. This man is playing you. He isnāt leaving his wife, clearly. Sheās steak. Youāre just the asparagus, dear. If you have such a connection as you claim, then why is he not 100% with you? And how can he not be attracted to his wife when clearly their intimate because, well, KIDS. 
You need help. Lesson of the day, is stay away from married men!!! Good day. š¤·š¾āā
Yeah, you will when you choose to move on. Heās not going to leave her if he hasnāt done it in 5 yrs, and they have children, so even though heās not attracted or in love, he has been having sex with her. DUH!!!
Wowā¦ The poor wife. Physical or emotional connection asideā¦ He is MARRIED. 5 yearsā¦ I canāt believe what I just read. Unfortunately karma is a bitchā¦ You will reap what you sow.
You willingly participated in the abuse of another woman for years
5years, what were you hoping forā¦?
You never had him. Obviously he is attracted to his wife if they had kidsš¤· find a guy that isnāt married. If he lies to her heās lies to you.
Counselingā¦ therapyā¦ something to help you realize that you canāt rationalize any part of that situation and help you never get into that same place again or do that to any other marriage.
To answer your question yes you will move on if you want to you know you should
Get over it Grow up!!!
Why canāt they leave unavailable people aloneā¦
Arranged marriage or not. You should never have gone there. You can try to rationalise it how ever much you want. You and him were in the wrong and his wife deserves better than a shitty low life sad sorry sack of shit for a husband. And those poor kidsā¦did you stop to think about how your ārelationshipā with their āfatherā would have affected them? Of course not. Because you wanted to be with him, fuck everyone elseās feeling in the matter hey? So selfish!
I see all the lovely comments on here. Not much help. You have finally woke up to reality. Moving on will be hard but not impossible. He was a mistake, he wonāt change his course, but you can try to recover and set a new course in your life. Unfortunately it will require you to become busy, so busy that you never see him or his family again. Cut him out of your life and do NOT allow him a phone call or a hello, because if you do you canāt move on.
This man fooled you big time. If he wasnāt attracted to her why is he still married to her. Am glad you came to your senses . Take it one day at a time you will get over it.
Neither of you should have done this to begin with. Regardless of what he told you about his relationship, you knew he was married with children and was never going to leave his wife and children so you knew it was doomed from the start. You canāt take back what youāve done but you can make sure that you donāt do it again. Go through the hurt process just like you were willing to put his wife and children through if he was to leave them (which would never have happened) then once you have healed then move on with someone who is totally single and available to give themselves to you. Thatās all you can do
Now that you have decided to end this, you will think ā5 years sighā, you gave that person your all expecting him to make a choice or expecting something to happen. This will pass, things happen for a reason. Take some time, pick up a hobby, go on vacations by yourself meet new people. By the time 6 months pass youāll find yourself not thinking about this person, just please donāt go back to him 
My favorite thing about trash is the fact the internet helps them out themselves lol
I totally understand what your going throughā¦ my fiance is in a religion where he is supposed to be arranged in a marriage in his home countryā¦ he has post poned it for 2 years now because of meā¦ but if it were to happen i can stay with him if i choose to and accept itā¦ which i haveā¦ he has been there and i am so in love with himā¦ if he marries me like he is wanting to, he can not marry in his country and some family will abandon himā¦ i understand how everyone feels about this but its no ones business for one and for two unless they are from the culture then they know nothing ā¦ some cultures can marry more than one personā¦ i feel for you, i would be crushed if i chose to leave him because of thisā¦ hugs girl!!! 
Sorry but thAts what you getā¦.you never ever start something with domeinen in a relationship. Whatever hĆØ says! You just dont!
I got involved with a married man once so I get it. We were involved for many years and I was very much in love. I believed everything he told me. He even went as far as renting a house for us but never brought his stuff. Was there with me every night but I left because I knew he wasnāt being honest. He ended up having 3 children after us with 3 different women while still living with his wife. By this time I had moved away. We still talked. He was a sex addict and also got me hooked on cocaine. No oneās fault but my own. I eventually moved back and I saw him a few times. He ended up moving into an apartment and wanted me with him but I couldnāt. He was still using and although I loved him very much I couldnāt trust him. I did try to get him to get help but he didnāt want it. He died alone in his apartment a few years later. I will never forgive myself for getting involved with a married man. The pain his wife and children had to feel and now heās gone. Iāve accepted what I did and learned a life lesson. I hope you do too
The comments section is why America gets such a bad wrap 
Not being attracted to a spouse in a forced (arranged) marriage is common. But also, in cultures with such arrangements, leaving typically is not an option for either one. You did the right thing by yourself in standing your ground, knowing what you deserve in life.
5 years is a long time and Iām sorry youāre hurting. That bond will break eventually. Youāll meet somebody who is perfect for you and is available the way youāre needing.
Seek counselingā¦ breaking that bond is tough and the ābut what if-ā is heartbreaking again and again and again.
Sending many positive thoughts
Yeap you will move on better now with out him, than you would have had you still been seeing him. We will fall in and out of love with people all our lives. But we will meet that one person we will always share a soul connection with. And in your case, it would have been a honey moon for both of you had he left his wife, yeap u would be in love for how ever long it took for him or you too have enougher person enter your life and here we go again moment. Again history is repeating itself and you my dear is now the im just not that into his wife!
You donāt want to get over it. You donāt want to move on.
Itās that simple. You had a whole life with a man you couldnāt really have bc it was safer. You already knew he wasnāt leaving.
So, I advise therapy and finding out why you want men that are with someone bc thatās safe for you.
Many ppl will get mad, but, thereās a psychological reason for it. Itās up to you to work that our and realize you donāt have to be anyoneās Plan B or Side Piece.
So heās "never had a physical relationship with his wife and isnāt attracted to her but somehow they magically have kids??? I call BSā¦ You were a side piece and you shouldnāt have gotten involved to start with
I wonāt believe that heās not physically attracted to his wife when he have some kids to her. Glad, that u finally let ur self out in the situation. U deserved better. Itās a process. It might be painful for a while but u will Thank ur decisions later. L