First lawyer unless mediation is an option. Then start making plans for what assets you want and custody. What holidays do you want the kids? And then stay away from him. See therapist to help you thru. Divorce grief groups meet as well and are free. You will be better if you stay away from him. PM me if you need more advice. I have been there unfortunately. It gets better! And I divorced on a budget.
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Once they cheat they always cheat. Kick him out. If he threatens you put restraining order on him. Divorce get lawyer or you can do it yourself if house isnt involved
First, are you working?
You need to move out, or get him out of the home.
Go to court and start the divorce process.
Create a support system for yourself if you don’t already have one, you will need it. And be strong, he will apologize and say it won’t happen again, but it will, before you forgive him ask yourself if you want to continue getting hurt.
Best of luck.
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Don’t forgot proof. Any screenshots too
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don’t stay…i made that mistake in believing in the cheaters rehab…u know that sayin “u can’t make a ho into a housewife?” yea…same rhing w men
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And clean his damn clock!
You aren’t to blame never blame yourself it was his choice. I would kick him out, it was him who cheated. I would get his things out and change my locks. That’s me I would loose it, I would never trust him again. If he has two women I think they’re more just my opinion.
Stop feeling shattered he’s not worth beating yourself up over just get rid of him, make sure when you fill out your paperwork there is a place for his bills be sure you list them
Dont jump into another relationship! Get to a place that you’re happy alone.
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Once a cheater, always a cheater. Tell him to go fuck himself!
Just realize that you had a life before him. You were able to live and survive before him, and you can do it now without him.
He’s clearly a piece of shit husband for cheating (not going to say person because I don’t know how he is as a father). You can try therapy as some others have mentioned but if you simply speaking to him doesn’t work, and this is the 2nd time, I don’t think a therapist will help him. He’s selfish.
If you are working, find a place to stay or even stay with family if you want to leave sooner.
him cheating has nothing to do with you!
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Theres no right way or wrong way you just start doing it… but through every rough patch you go through you become stronger and in the end youll realiz how stupid it was to have stayed in the relationship… you can do it 
Unfortunately the children will suffer most. do what you can to not lay adult issues at their feet to deal with, they can’t do it. so sorry to hear this, sounds heartbreaking for everyone 
This is how it’s done! I found out July. We have two kids together and we have decided this is for the best. I’m moving out with them. Best decision ever. Child custody division to come.
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First time shame on him second time shame on you don’t let him have a third time 
. I’m so sorry you are going through this hugs
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I went to a divorce I got my life back I got who I am back I stopped being controlled and control my own life it just you just go through mediation and when you’re done you got more than you had before and you don’t have the cheating husband that’s a disgusted feeling to live with one of those you made me to decent person that deserves you good luck
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Cheat once shame on you.
Cheat twice shame on me.
Pack your bags and don’t look back. He will always be a cheater. If you don’t leave you only have yourself to blame. I never felt so free when I left and didn’t look back.
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Once your heart stops hurting you will LOVE the independence. You will wonder why you stayed so long. DO NOT forget to take moments for you. To breathe, to cry, to eat, to sleep, read, do nothing - whatever gets you through this time.
Keep your head high and keep moving forward. I promise you that you will feel better than you ever did with him. Just be with you.
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You leave and focus on yourself and kids… my God so many men screwing around just leave the douche bags and find your happiness without a man! Maybe run to God and let him heal and bless you. I just left my husband for the same thing and I warned him before we were married and I’m fine! I don’t need that garbage I want to be free anyway! I can decorate my house how I want now and get all the damn cats I want! lol to hell with a man
Girlll I know I don’t speak for everyone and it is SO HARD but divorce was the very best thing that ever happened to me. It was a dark year but I found myself completely. Again it’s hard and it sucks but listen to me when I say the other side is amazing and gorgeous and so worth it. You will feel like Wonder Woman when you put your independent life together. You won’t be able to see it at first but dudes like that just aren’t worth the heartache. There is someone out there for you and your kids that will cherish ever single second and make it known that you are amazingggg and then you will see it from the other side. And even without a man you got this. I promise
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Know you deserve better, and believe it will be his loss. Your healing may take awhile to totally heal, just tell yourself every morning this is the first day of the rest of my life and I am going to do something special for me today and then do something for someone else to make their day better.
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So sorry for your pain
You got this!! Leave his sorry ass!
You tried, it’s not your fault, his behaviour is about his ego,
You do whatever makes YOU happy!!
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It’s not. Honestly. You will always doubt
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If you didn’t walk into the marriage being open then I honestly don’t think it will work that way.
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An open marriage could definitely help tbh ! But it has to be completely open communication and understanding
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You’re gonna keep them in a toxic atmosphere and think it’s a family unit worth keeping them in…
Weird
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Yah already sounds like you checked out…. Best to live separate lives but perhaps be together for all the important events?
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If you’re crushed by cheating you may hurt worse seeing him with other women.
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Therapy Therapy Therapy
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part of working through infidelity is the other party being willing and able to forgive, if you honestly thing you cant then maybe you should evaluate whether or not its fair for you to stay knowing that.
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How much longer are you going to force yourself?
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Imo, if you are hurt by the cheating an open relationship is only going to hurt more… well it depends. Were you more hurt by the secret? Or the fact he was with someone else? That will be a huge factor in if open relationship will work. If you love the dude and are doing this cause you think it will be better for him… don’t do it. You gotta do it for you too.
I highly suggest trying counseling to sort through the emotions you are feeling. Therapy together and alone. That’s if you want to work it out. If you don’t want to be with him anymore but just want him in the home for the kids sake and you think you can take the emotional baggage with an open relationship I say it’s worth a shot 
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Sometimes you have to let go. Don’t settle for something when you deserve more and don’t show your children that settling is acceptable. Move on and find your happiness again and show your children how to live.
Hell No, Dump Him 
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If you’re wanting to see other people, and he is seeing other people, for your children’s sake leave. You can coparent and not live together. People do it successfully all the time. Just make sure your kids know that the split has nothing to do with them! Who knows, maybe you and the hubby will eventually work through this and be stronger than ever!
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Leave. Never look back. Respect yourself enough to let go of people who could so easily hurt you.
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You can co parent as friends instead of spouses if this is something you know you can’t move past. If you want to stay together then go to therapy. Don’t ask a bunch of strangers what they did. They aren’t you and you aren’t them.
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My parents fought my whole life and went through about 4 divorces (with each other) before finally getting a finalized divorce when I was 18. I remember as a child never wanting them to be with anyone else and not wanting them to get a divorce. But looking back now, I wish I could have seen them happy and loved. Your kids need to see you happy and loved.
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Let go. You’ll give your kids new memories
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Honestly I gave my now ex husband a second chance. I found out he cheated before we got married. We got married, a year into it he cheated multiple times with multiple woman. But honestly, I felt relief. I was heartbroken of course, but I no longer was stressed about who he was with, where he was going, who he was talking to. Sometimes having two families and two homes is better for the kids than having one broken home. Many many many kids go through divorces. They are strong and will get through it. You only have one life also, and I’m sure they will want to see their mom happy.
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Are you wanting an open marriage to somehow convince yourself his cheating was ok. I do hope you understand there is no acceptable reason to cheat. Not happy then leave. Not cheat.
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You’re worried about them having a family unit but are willing to have an open relationship. That’s not going to work out like you think. If you are worried about your kids, leave the situation. It’s going to hurt them seeing him with another girl and you with another guy. At least in separate houses they wouldn’t be exposed to it all at once. It’s done all the time, you can co-parent from different households. I get why you are wanting to hold on but it’s just not going to work out like you want it to.
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If one is killing you then more will destroy you. I’d say walk out but keep the relation close enough to share special times. Toxic is toxic. Why house your kids in a toxic environment?
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Moving past infidelity is a lot of work on both parts. Step one is honesty and transparency. You need to be able to actually forgive and trust again. There is tons of marriahe who have encountered infidelity and have made it through with a lot of honesty and transparency and self work. Listen to Laura Doyle podcast and read her books. It helps a lot 
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Let go, I battled it for years. Destroyed me inside and out. Still destroyed about it. I can’t even watch a show that shows cheating I get really emotional. Try counseling or move on.
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Honey, an open marriage isn’t a thing if he cheated behind your back. Don’t you dare minimize your feelings and blame yourself. My best advice is to file for a legal separation. Get away for a while and give yourself time to think. If you’re able to trust him again and you want to make it work later on, that’s your decision to make. Right now though, you need to space yourself before it’s not just you that ends up hurt. Those babies don’t need to be caught up in this mess. Sending healing hugs.
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What your suggesting isn’t going to work, you’ll only be hurting yourself. Try and work it out or end the marriage, plain and simple. All this open marriage mumbo jumbo, no. I hope everything works out
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Making your kids stay in a broken home is damaging to them. More so than moving on without him and being happy. If you can’t get past it then move on, as hard as it may be.
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Don’t teach your kids to live in misery. Find a healthy relationship and teach them how to live healthy.
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I cannot stress how much you are going to get hurt in an open marriage !
Yes your relationship may have been rocky but still no excuse for cheating! Talk, communicate maybe take a break but cheating no !
Sewing him with another woman is goung to finish off any emotions you have and your emotional health will be crushed …unless you want to go to therapy then i cannot tell you how much you’ll regret staying instead of being amicable and moving on …I’ve lived your life and couldnt stomach the other woman syndrome anymore
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If his infidelity hurt you, you won’t be able to handle an “open” marriage. And why would you want to? You most likely won’t be happy. And most importantly why would you want your kids to grow up thinking this is normal. Don’t you deserve better?
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Honestly, I had a similar situation with my ex and it brewed resentment and a toxic atmosphere. My current partner had a similar situation. His wife cheated and he was so desperate to keep his family together for the sake of his children that he decided to allow it to continue and he slept on the couch for over a year, just absolutely miserable. Then he went on a business trip and when he had gotten back, she had changed the locks and when he tried to get in his own home she called the police and said he was breaking in. I’m just saying, it ends badly. It’s easier to give your children happy memories when the environment isn’t toxic.
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Let that man go 
dudes are a dime a dozen. Let him be a dog and move on and find someone better. Sounds cold and harsh but his actions deserve nothing less.
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I don’t believe in that. 
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Sorry would you put yourself through this. It would hurt your kids more. Just leave completely
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Honey. The best thing to do is move on and then down the road y’all could possibly be friendly enough to do those family vacations.
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I have what you would call an "open marriage " but it’s not because of cheating. I love my husband. And I love my boyfriend. This is Polyamory.
If you can’t handle the idea of him being with someone else… Polyamory is not right for you… unless you can handle it without the lying. Idk.
Communication and openness is essential for this. And it sounds like he may struggle with being capable of that.
A lot of people will tell you to leave and thats solid advice. But I wouldn’t blame you at all for wanting to stay. You will know when you are truly done.
Best of luck 
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How would you respond if one of your children came to you with this situation?
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I think you need to go to counseling or therapy for you and for your partner. If your partner want to try and work through this then couples therapy/counseling. I think that has to come first then you can think about a more open relationship but in all honesty I think that what works for one marriage won’t work for all.
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He made the choice to find someone else instead of working on things with you. You aren’t restricted to having a family with your children’s bio dad, why not find someone you can trust to make family memories with.
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Raise your kids in separate homes. That doesn’t mean you can’t coparent or spend time as a family. Living together in a toxic environment and constantly being unhappy is not healthy for you or your children
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You know what kids need memories of? HAPPY parents. Not ones that co-exist for a fallacy of a family. Staying for the kids never works and in a sense burdens the child(ren). Be happy. Not in a rocky relationship. Not by staying in a home with a cheater. Not an open marriage. You go and be happy and watch your children flourish.
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Therapy. Both of you.
Your kids aren’t stupid. By staying, what are you teaching them??
If you can’t stay, don’t. 50/50 visitaion is a thing.
My brother and his daughters mom, live together but are not together. They live together so my niece lives in one home with her parents. They have separate bedrooms and are free to see people outside the home. She still goes to family gatherings and they have become good friends. I personally don’t know how they do it but it works for them. They schedule work around their daughter so one parent is always with her.
So, hears my problem with your line of thinking. Your relationship is not in a healthy spot, So the open marriage is not going to fix the problems that already exists, infact it will cause more problems.
Please note that I fully saport anyone in a open marriage when all parties are aware and are happy and healthy within that relationship and living thier most authentic lives.
This is not the case for your relationship, nore is it a way to fix it.
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I can’t wrap my head around the amount of misery your willing to endure and your children as well to be with a person that cheated! Why are you making him a hero? He’s the enemy…You and your children should live your best life and have a blessed future, not a battle ground and war zone! Good luck
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Either stay together or don’t. You can still do family things together being divorced and living separately .
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You aren’t taking ANYTHING away from him- HE did.
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Listen don’t stay for the kids. They need a happy mom. My parents stayed in a horrible marriage till I was 18. Dad cheated on my mom a few different times. And then my ex husband cheated on me for most f our 10yr marriage. Most of it was with my best friend wh got pregnant during ourarriage which lead to the divorce as I couldn’t stay. I stayed during the cheating and the maybe baby (boy who is around 8 or 9. Our youngest together is 10)… but your kids deserve to have a happy mom. (And dad) but if you want it to work and get past the cheating you need to seek counseling. And its not gonna be easy but if its something you want to save then I believe you can. I couldn’t due to the child that was produced during (ans no I do not blame that baby at all. I mean she will be 7 this yr and she is my oldest two girls sister)
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If you can’t handle the fact that your husband cheated on you because it crushed you, I’m sure you won’t handle it well him bringing another women home and you physically seeing them together.
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I went through the same thing for YEARS with my ex husband cheating. I stayed for the kids. My kids are teenagers now and we’ve been separated for 2 years divorced for 3 months and they tell me all the time how they can see and feel that I am happier and that makes them happy. Yes, they are sad that their dad is not in the home anymore and that he moved 2,000 miles away but we do have a good CO parenting relationship and so it’s all worked out for the best. My advice is, don’t stay for the kids. The kids will know. They will see it and feel it and in turn it will affect them.
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Girl you need to change your point of you … POV
… 1st off
It doesn’t matter how rocky ur Marriage is… there is absolutely NO reason to cheat.
2nd
You don’t want to take the kids away and break up your family 
He didn’t think about your family when he was having sex with that other person.
HE Broke up the family NOT a you when HE slept with someone else.
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Just by reading this post you are NOT built or ready for an open marriage…
if the open marriage idea was his idea, move on he’s going to continue to cheat. The open marriage gives him permission to cheat.
An open marriage Hass to be 100% excepted on both sides and desired on both sides. If one spouse is pushing it knowing darn good and well their partner is not interested and has never been interested it’s a form of manipulation to cheat.
If you can’t get past the hurt don’t stay. Especially don’t stay for the kids. You guys can still do things as a family and not be together
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Rocky relationship or not that’s no excuse to cheat. Self control
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Honestly if yall want to make it work go to couples therapy. I personally would leave bc I think you would always have trust issues after. Marriage is hard but cheating isnt ok no matter how hard it gets. And when you have kids it’s another ball game.
If you have kids all they want is happy parents separate or together.
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Living together, dating others wont be a happy time for anyone. Its not a healthy dynamoc because you are trying to stay with a cheater.
And im guessin he didnt tell you outright…
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Do you understand or did he convince u
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You’d hurt your kids even more doing it that way. Splitting up doesn’t mean a broken home. Staying and having that toxicity, does mean you’re broken. Which ends up hurting the kids worse.
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I suggest couples therapy. Space. Inner healing. Past trauma/ mistakes
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You can successfully co-parent and be divorced.
Don’t call it an open marriage, open marriages are for strong couples with full understanding and trust in each other, not an excuse to cheat. His affair is destroying you already, why put yourself in a worse situation.
You can if both parties are willing, stay in the same home, but separate everything: rooms, accounts etc. (divorced of course.) But you can not be angry when he steps out to date or vise versa. You will live as friends, and nothing more. But this also takes strong trust and very very clear boundaries set in place. Do not play wife to a man you are divorced too.
Keep in mind that he destroyed his home, he broke his family. You did absolutely nothing wrong here, and you do not owe him a thing. He’s did this, not you.
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Divorce. Cohabitation is fully possible if y’all can be civil with each other and both actually put in work for the house and the kids. And not put all the work on just one person.
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If you can’t get past the affair (and you shouldn’t need too) I wouldn’t consider an open marriage.
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I would definitely leave the relationship if my guy cheated. But i wouldn’t mind cohabitation as long as we set ground rules. Own rooms, not bringing dates into the house (esp sex), and setting financial boundaries.
Oh yeah, and if you haven’t already, I’d go to therapy to help you deal with the situation
No. That would be even more confusing for the kids. Get rid of that cheating slob.
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You owe him nothing in my opinion, he lost it when he stepped out your marriage, surely
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If you’re struggling with the affair I highly doubt that an open marriage would work.
Look, don’t stay together for the kids. Especially if it’s already been rocky/y’all fight/argue, kids need to see their parents in healthy happy relationships. What they see modeled is what they will believe is normal.
Y’all can still do things together but not be together. You don’t deserve to be with a man who cheats just because you have kids together.
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Girl stop. What makes you think if you are that deeply hurt by the affair, that an open marriage would work for you?You’re only going to confuse your kids and hurt them in the long run, along with hurting yourself. Leave that man to his lies and cheating. You can co parent while divorced. Go find a man that’s going to love and respect you, and be a good example to your kids of how a man should treat a woman.
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Please take care of YOU!
that would be a good thing all the way around
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Hasn’t been working for me
Move on… Why would you want an open marriage if you can’t get past the affair? Bringing more partners in the picture surely isn’t gonna fix it and not to mention the confusion to your children.
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My man and his baby mom did this for 10 years before we got together. They dated other people. He paid the bills. She cooked and cleaned he helped. He lived in the mother n law quarters behind their house they rented. He moved away when he had a more serious gf once.
We have been together 3.5 years and now they live in two different towns the kids are 15 and 21 now so they know that mom and dad tried but wasn’t working. He still helps her pay some of her bills and they talk when need be about the 15 yr old son.
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Your first question to yourself should be- do YOU want an open marriage?
You cannot stay in a marriage just because you have children. There will be an adjustment period for everyone but ultimately your children would rather see you both happy and apart than miserable/fighting while together. If you agree or purpose an open marriage simply to keep your family together, so your husband can sleep with whomever he wants, you’re going to find yourself resentful and unhappy.
There is zero reason to cheat, doesn’t matter the state of your relationship/marriage. Don’t make excuses for his behavior or try to justify it or blame yourself. However, it is your decision and your decision alone to stay with him after an affair. But if you can’t move past it, then your best outcome is to separate, for everyone’s happiness.
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That is the ideal version of co parenting still allowing your kids to have that family dynamic i have heard of people still living together in like a duplex style house an parenting together would it be easy? No can it be achieved? Probably but man it would take alot of work. Do i think i could do that? No i do not
You won’t be able to do an open marriage trust me. If you’re this hurt and crushed by his affair then you won’t be handle an open marriage whatsoever.
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What you’re looking for isn’t an open marriage. It’s dependable co parenting. Depending on each other to help your children thrive. It’s doable but you have to ask yourself the questions like “what if he goes on a date but falls for someone and wants to live with them?” You’re better off separating in the house for the time being and slowly breaking it down to your children before making the move or working on each other and maybe starting fresh or atleast making an agreement that you’ll still have family vacations maybe you’ll all go away for Christmas so you’re still together for the memories and moments that matter.