Why are women allowed to dismiss pregnancy and men aren’t?! If he told you he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby, and you chose to keep the baby then you are choosing to raise this baby on your own physically and financially. It will save you headache and the child heartache down the line! And after his parents response it seems like they feel the same way. Leave it alone. If they change their mind they will get ahold of you. Honestly I wouldn’t want any of them involved in my babies life to begin with. It seems like you have money signs in your eyes because he’s in the military.
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Military wont punish him unless he is married. ( Military wife ) If you file for child support they will require a DNA test. You can put him on birth certificate also. But be ready for the consequences. If it was me, I would terminate his rights. I would not want anything to do with him or allow him any rights to child. In the long run if he sees the child he could treat him/ her bad or worse. So I would put him on birth certificate but I would terminate his rights.
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Hmm, he said that he would get in trouble with the military for getting your pregnant? Sounds like he’s married and would get booted out for adultery since there is now a child involved. Make it a point to take his butt for that child support. Don’t let him scare you away by saying bs to you. He is married and doesn’t want his wife to know he was being unfaithful and that child support will put a dent in his way of doing things behind her back.
If he’s in the military you file it up his chain of command, that child deserves the benefits. He helped make your child, he should help care for it. Even if he never gets a relationship that is straight up fair.
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FYI he can get in trouble by his command for not supporting you. He will not get in trouble for knocking you up. The military forces people to do the right thing as far as insurance and child support goes. Since that is his baby, the baby qualifies for tri-care which means no hospital bills for you.
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He doesn’t want you or a baby with you. He made this clear. His family doesn’t want you or the child either.
You are choosing to have an unwanted and unplanned child alone. The ethical thing to do is leave this man alone. Your life and the child’s life will be FAR BETTER without trying to force this poor guy to be responsible for something he made it clear he did not and does not want. If you go after him to pay up, he’s got legal resources in the military that you don’t. I’d find it hilarious if he took partial, half, or more custody of the child to make your life just as hard as you’re making his. You’re incredibly selfish.
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The only way he would get in trouble is if he was married to someone and carried on a relationship with you. He will get in trouble for not supporting you. Just make sure you save all messages showing proof.
My ex MIL tried to tell my ex husband to go to the military because they would protect him from unwanted kids 
The only way he would get in trouble is if he is married. Go after him for child support and since he is military the child can get really good health insurance through him free.
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Um my husband had 2 kids while he was active in the military and they pay $125 a month per kid through the VA now that he is a veteran and that goes directly to his children on top of him paying $500 a month so him saying that is not true! He just doesn’t want the kid and sounds like he may be with someone else or something idk but I’d definitely seek child support if they are going to act that way!
Go after support, u owe that to ur child! And wash ur hands of that
Why are you trying to trap this guy with a baby? He already made it clear he wanted nothing to do with it or you. What is with you girls and getting pregnant then when things don’t go your way you have something to hold over their head , grow up, take care of your own shit and stop trying to find his family members that will be on your side
He knew what he was doing and outcome of unprotected sex. Go the his military base and take responsibility. He laid down with to make it and he can help raise the child ready or not.
Was this a formal letter written up by a lawyer that you signed ???
Or did you not sign it?
Thats what will get him into trouble! Not paying support. Not the pregnancy.
Hes married i gaurentee it.
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He told you he doesn’t want the child and you decided you did. That’s on you 100% physically and financially to support the child only you want. I will never understand how men don’t get a say but it’s all up to women what will happen. He has a say in walking away.
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Seek child support. And go to court for a paternity test (so he can’t say anything later) then go to court to require him to put the child on his tricare.
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The ONLY way he would be “in trouble” is if he was married and you didn’t know. Sounds like that child will be better off without them in their life sadly. I would 10000% take out child support, and they will have him carry insurance on the baby as well. Don’t let him guilt trip you into not doing what’s best for your little one. He laid down and made that baby just as much as you did, therefore he needs to take care of his responsibilities too.
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Do what’s best for you…if you decide to keep the baby he needs to support the child…Despite ppl shaming you…he could have keep it in his pants and/or used protection…Good Luck
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Get child support. You child deserves it!! Even if you don’t need it, put it away for your child. The child is 
percent entitled to it.
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I would write down all the info on him and his family so you dont forget it, put it away safely for the child to have when they’re old enough amd if they want it. Then stop all contact. Live your life. I wouldn’t seek child support simply because I wouldn’t want him on any documents that could mean him turning up in 2 or 5 or even 10 or 16 yrs expecting parental rights. Screw him abd his family. Sounds like you know how to parent solo and the child will be better off without the paternal side ofnthoer family.
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You didn’t get pregnant on your own. Seek child support wether he’s there or not.
I’m so tired of men getting options where women are told they have none, and if they use that one option they’re terrible people.
Excuse me. Let’s tell John, Dick, and Henry to be a father before you judge my right to terminate.
That’s my two cents.
Good luck girl.
Contact military and seek child support the bastard lied to you.
Also get full custady.
One…DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING… if he is military …HE WILL NOT GET INTO TROUBLE. Your child will be able to be on DEERS. You’ll have to get ahold of his command to get child out onto his page 2. PM for any questions.
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Get child support!! There’s no question about it and you have absolutely no reason whatsoever to feel bad for it.
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i am not i was adopted and as a baby and now i dont talke to my dad how adopted me with my mom whos is my bff and glad she adopted me. dad left us along time ago and i better off with out him but i think you should do whats best for you and your baby
Those that are saying “well you chose to keep the baby”, put yourself in her shoes. She was already forced into an abortion prior. And that is hard for someone to go through no matter what the situation is. It’s not fair to her to be given the ultimatum abortion, or raising the child on her own when she didn’t make it alone. It takes two to tango, and she did her part by consistently taking her birth control. He should have worn a condom if he was dead against having a child. That part is his responsibility. And so is this child. Why should she be stuck raising the child without any support from the other parent?
To the OP: was the document you signed a legally binding contract? Because that sounds fishy. It doesn’t exactly work that way. And him being in the military, he can get in trouble for not supporting his child, but not for getting you pregnant. That he definitely lied to you about. I would get in touch with a lawyer regarding this documents along with finding out what yours and your unborn child’s rights are. I am sorry that you are going through this, and that people suck and are trying to blame this on you. You both are adults and he knew the consequences of not wearing a condom, regardless of if you were on birth control or not. BC is not always 100% and he knew the possibilities. Don’t let anyone guilt you over this and always do what is best for you and your children. Stay strong mama 
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First of all the only way he could get in trouble is if he’s married and I sure would call his Commander you let his mother know I would let that go for now . she might reach out to you later.
This man sounds married 
This guy is married and don’t wanna get found out. The military will keep him accountable for benefits and child support if that’s what you wanna pursue. Be careful, that family may get petty because now you’re dragging this guy to a responsibility he doesn’t want to face. They may fight you tooth and nail on visits and custody.
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My daughters father is military, I can tell you 100000 percent, you being pregnant will not “get him in trouble” not paying his support will. Which is why he wanted you to sign.
Do what’s best for you! Your body, your choice. You’re the one who will raise the child with or without him. If he didn’t want kids, birth control or not, he would use protection. This is why it’s just as much his responsibility as it is yours. Birth control fails, abstinence is the only 100 effective for of birth control, we learn this in grade school lol. Not to mention he said he was supportive initially. And before hand it sounds like. So, I advise you to do what YOU want. And if you keep it, hit him with child support if he doesn’t want to be involved. He knew it was a possibility and now he’s tryin to hush you and shame you.
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There is nothing you can do about them not wanting a relationship with the child. So let that go.
As for child support, yes you should absolutely seek that.
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The military will likely ensure that he pays child support if he wants to remain working in military. That is why he wants you to sign his rights away
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Get child support and him being in the military means that you are covered as far as health insurance for the child and yourself.
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Go for child support he should support his child if he didnt want one he could of put something on the end of it its not all your fault.
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Go to his commander and start getting your child support now
He doesn’t want anyone to know because the military will make him start paying right away
I know because I was a military spouse I have seen this happen a lot
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Put him on child support. That money is for that child. If he doesn’t want to be involved that’s his choice but he has a financial obligation to that child. If he really didn’t want kids he should of gotten a vasectomy. You’re both adults and know what can happen when having sex.
I wouldn’t force him to pay anything or provide Healthcare for the baby. Hes been clear he doesn’t want a baby. His family wants no part. Once baby is born have him sign a document releasing all of his parental rights and move on with your life.
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I guess he has a right to change his mind if he wants to give up parental rights.
File for child support and put it away for your child. Your child deserves it. And if a relationship with his side of the family is important to you, you can always leave communication open. People and situations change.
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Honestly, you’re such a great person for reaching out to the paternal grandparents. But if they really don’t want anything to do with the baby then so be it. I would give them an opportunity to see the baby when it’s born, and if they still decline, I wouldn’t let them in if they try in the future. That’s so toxic to a child, and the fact that you were considerate enough to try and involve them with their grandchild should have been a stepping stone for them to knock some sense into their son.
He helped create this child and knew while having sex pregnancy is a possibility. He needs to support your baby… pray and good luck
File for support and move on. What else can you do? At least you will get some financial help. What are the other options?
Make sure you get full custody because if you don’t he can decide one day to take the child and there would be nothing you can do. Unless you don’t put him on the birth certificate. And if you can afford to do it on your own you don’t need him. Screw him and his family.
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If your ex is in the military they will take it out of his military pay. Girl if you are raising your child , he should pay. You didn’t force him. Check with a lawyer.
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He doesn’t want his child to get the military benefits (ex: GI Bill, Hazelwood Act, etc) your child is entitled to. Don’t give in. Your child deserves at least that.
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Ohkay. First off, paternal grandmother did not say she wants nothing to do with your baby. Dont assume crap and look at it as worse case scenario. That’s the worst thing you can do in this situation while trying to facilitate a relationship between your baby and their paternal side
Second. He sounds like a complete effin douch bag. He didnt want you to seek financial help, because being in the military he would be forced to help or lose his job.
Definitely establish paternity. Get child support for sure.
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I’d investigate fully to see if he’s married. That would explain why he’d “get in trouble” and why his mom was cold. She was probably mad at him for cheating, knows he’ll get kicked out of his job for adultery, and likes her current daughter in law and this would probably blow up their marriage.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation and that your birth control failed. OTOH if he was adamant about no kids he should have taken some responsibility too. But congratulations on your pregnancy too.
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I don’t want this to sound harsh but in my head i know it does.
Get that child support! It’s to help support your baby, health insurance, food, meds, clothes, dr appoitnments, you get the idea. I understand the guilt. I just want to say, you didn’t do anything wrong, you did your best to prevent a pregnancy, but it happened anyway. You uave every right to keep the baby. And with that he has responsibilities as well, you didnt fertalize the egg on your own! If he wants nothing to do with the baby then he can go through the process required to terminate those rights.
As for his family, i say fuck em for now. You do what’s best for your kid. If they dont want a relationship they don’t deserve one. You can still bring the knowlwedge of them into your kids life if you choose in the future.
I personally wouldnt compare your two kid’s situation. It’s great things worked with your other x so you two are in a situation that works. But this military guy sounds like a scrub.
The military will up hold him to do child support talk to his command or ombudsman and tell them the situation lawyer up and take him to court for parental issues, your babies paternal side will do as they please but you chose this and it is not your sole fault this happened. I’m sorry for this celebration to be tainted as miserable
The military will hold it out of his pay. You’ll need a paternity test. See a lawyer.
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You should check into him signing his rights away. I’m from Michigan. In the State of Michigan if you get any help from the state and they know who the father is they will go after the father for child support even if you don’t want it. The father can sign away his rights if he wants to.
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Yeah file for child support. They will take it out of his military paycheck. You can contact his XO and CO if you have any trouble.
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If he really didn’t want kids he should’ve done a vasectomy military pays it for free oh and another thing he wouldn’t get in trouble for having sex and getting you pregnant he personally is ashamed I’m in the military and a woman and I got pregnant and I wasn’t punished for it they usually CONGRATULATE you
You’re deciding to keep the baby against his wishes is your choice. He doesn’t have to be happy with it and if he told you he wants no parts of it then respect that and move on. Not so sure I would have been calling his parents though.
If he can get in trouble, it’s probably because he’s married…some branches still don’t allow adulterous relationships. Get the child support.
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File for child support! He sounds like a douche and he needs to be paying child support at a least.
Don’t let him screw you. Tell him or a lawyer, yes, you need one, he needs to sign away his parental rights. Maybe that’s what the paper is.
But, he’s the one to sign , not you. As far as I know. He’s the one that wants no responsibility. Therefore he’s the one to sign. Talk to a lawyer, NOW!
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Go after child support. Him being in the military you should also seek health coverage. Military covers all medical expenses and your unborn child is entitled to that. Let your ex know that abortion isn’t a form of birth control and could screw up your health. As a soldier he fired the gun and hit the target, can’t change that. Man up
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If you are not married leave the military out of it.
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You wouldn’t have to pay child support unless the dad took primary custody over 50/50 and he filed it against you. I wouldn’t write off his family. The response was actually nice, she said she was gonna pray for you. She’s probably in shock at her sons response. I wouldn’t make any assumptions and continue to be cordial. If you really want to go through with this pregnancy then maybe after the baby is born you could send a picture and see if they respond, until then I would go no contact and focus on your mental and physical health. Maybe seek out a therapist or trusted friend, join some classes, make sure you are financially stable for maternity leave, get all your ducks in a row. Don’t worry about the future or dwell in the past, find peace in the present moment. Write down your to do just and take it one step at a time. Try and focus on the positive.
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I would go for child support. However in many states they will not allow the father to sign away his rights unless there is another male there to adopt him. Also he will not get into trouble for simply getting you pregnant. If that was the case so many men and women would be in trouble so don’t let him tell you this lie. Good luck mama
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It doesn’t say if you are married (unless I missed it). If he’s saying he will get in trouble for you being pregnant, then the first thing I wonder is if he is legally married?? That’s the only thing that comes to mind for being in trouble for getting a woman pregnant while active duty. Something is missing in this dude’s story.
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Insist on a paternity test and get child support from this piece of shit.
Dude his higher ups will team him a new one. And also get paternity test. Child will have his benifits ect and recieve support but u need to have pat test n get lawyer
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I’d let them all go. Focus on the baby and enjoy the silence.
They will make it known if they want o help.
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Run, put him on child support
All these people saying you chose this , he told you he don’t want responsibility. He chose to nut in here , he chose not to wear protection , she did her part she took contraception , it’s definitely not her fault she got pregnant these things happen. She is not emotionally stable to have another abortion , yes he made his mind up about not wanting to be apart of the baby’s life BUT that does not strip him of his responsibilities of supporting his child! He made this baby to so he should pay his way even if he doesn’t wanna see this baby !! All I can say is lawyer up gf and seek some advice from them xx I wish you all the best x
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Military does not play when it comes to child support, and he knows that. That’s why he wants you to sign that.
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Apply for child support once the baby is born. He doesn’t just get to skip out because he feels like it.
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10000% child support, I’d you deny it, you’ll never be able to get any support from the state of need be including medical insurance and food stamps. And not to mention it’s his responsibility.
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I spent 18.5 years in the Army and the military does not play when it comes to parents supporting their children… you need to see a lawyer… many will do free consultations… do you know what unit your ex boyfriend is in… because this will make your life a lot easier if you do… they may require a paternity test… but he won’t have a choice… if the baby is his he will have to pay court ordered child support… the lawyer can help get all of that set up. The soldier will not have a choice… it will come straight out of his check as long as he is a soldier…
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Get a lawyer, notify his CO, go for paternity and the child support once the baby is born!! The only way he would get in trouble is if he were already married, and they take adultery seriously. Regardless they will hold him to the child support. Do not sign anything he wants or tells you to sign.
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Their message is pretty clear. If you choose to have the baby go through the appropriate channels to ensure he provides child support for that baby. They know where you are if they choose to be involved more than that or not.
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He should support you at least financially. You both made a baby, and if he is not willing to speak with you to arrange child support privately then I would seek it legally. Your child deserves the money as the child won’t be supported financially when he she is older by the father or fathers family. Create a savings if you can afford too and put the child support in there for things like learning to drive, insurance, college, University:) xxx
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He doesn’t have to have anything to do with this baby, but do not waive your rights to child support. He has more than once pushed you to do something that you weren’t 100% comfortable with and obviously you still have feelings about going ahead with that the first time. If he’s in the military that child is entitled to Tricare and he is 100% responsible to support that child through child support payments. If he does not want children he has his reproductive responsibilities…. Wear a condom or don’t have sex at all…. If he’s relying solely on a woman to provide all the responsibility for preventing pregnancy then he isn’t doing all that he can do to responsibly manage his own reproduction.
100% OVER women being made out to be a bad person if they don’t want an abortion, or being told it’s solely their responsibility to prevent pregnancy. We should ALL be responsible for our own reproductive system and ALL do what we can to control or prevent pregnancy. A man who tries to coerce a woman into an abortion because he didn’t want to wear a condom is coward. The failure rate for 2 forms of birth controls used correctly is almost ZERO. Man up and take care of your responsibilities.
File for custody and support or don’t put his name on birth certificate. Get his voice recorded saying he wants no part of the child if you can
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Girl, find a lawyer. He can’t just write off his child. He doesn’t want a relationship, fine… but he should have to help financially
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You have already decided to have the baby so continue with your plan but definitely file for support because the ex is a D-bag. He doesn’t get to just walk away, especially after saying he had your support and the verbal agreement to keep the baby. He doesn’t need to have a relationship with you or the child. You will find a partner later that will be fine with prior children and be some kind of supporting role, either as a parent or friend to the child. I’ve never heard of the military causing problems for families in that way. Maybe problems for him for being a jerk but nothing else. Good luck.
Ask for the support or ask for his termination of rights .
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He helped make the child. He should support the child.
Kids having kids. SMH
You could have him sign his parental rights over to you. He can be forced to have a paternal test done at birth and be put on the birth certificate and then have child support. Or if he signs off his rights and doesn’t want anything to do with the child, it would prevent him from coming back and trying to have rights in the future
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I wouldn’t respond. They make come to you wanting a relationship with you and the baby one day or they might not. They know about the baby so you did your part the rest is on them.
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Athena Blackburn you sound like a damned fool.
I don’t think it’s fair to the father when protection was used. He didn’t want this baby. If no protection was used then that would be entirely different. This baby was a mistake.
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You can still decide to abort.
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He can sign off his rights and that way he and his family won’t ever be a part of the child’s life.
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You can make him pay child support but that makes him able to be in the child’s life, and that could have negative consequences.
Just remember that not having a father figure in a child’s life can absolutely affect their mental health. I grew up with tons of issues because of my mother’s bad choices and having no father figure. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t even born.
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If the child is in your care then 100% of child support is yours. Claim your support Mama your child has the right to be supported by both parents even if Dad is not doing the right thing
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Keep those texts from him and her and get yourself into court and get full custody of your child ASAP
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Military spouse here and yeah I’ve never heard of that. He’s just trying to get out of paying child support. Chain of command is very strict about the guys paying child support. I’d either have him sign his rights away or seek child support
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Even if he doesn’t want to be involved he still needs to be responsible for child support so go to court for a DNA test and get financial help raising this baby
He is full of sh*t about the military looking down on people having kids, that isn’t a thing. Go after him for child support 100%, he made the decision to have sex and he can deal with the consequences, especially if he is a dead beat. My guess is he has something else going on with another girl and doesn’t want her to find out. This sounds like a real scumbag tbh, count your blessings, have the child, and absolutely nail him for support no matter what he tries to con you with!
You can and should get child support. You’ll need a lawyer for that. You’ll probably have to do a DNA test. The baby is entitled to the money. That’s all you will be getting from him and his family. It sucks but that’s how it is.
Is he married? That’s the only reason I can think of with him saying he would get in trouble. Lots of military babies are born out of wedlock. I was one of them. My dad didn’t get in trouble his CO was thrilled for him and my mom. If you have to contact his CO and JAG.
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You may earn more but you’ll also be covering the costs of everything for your new baby.
He may not want to see the baby or have a relationship but that doesn’t absolve him of responsibility.
You agreed together after terminating a pregnancy that you would keep any further pregnancies and when the chickens came home to roost, he bolted. You weren’t planning on having a child together and said you were taking your contraception religiously but that doesn’t mean you should face it alone when he said he’d be there to support you.
Get all you can from the fucker.
Contact his people. He’s lying & get child support. It’s on him.
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Honestly fuck that dude… Keep that little baby and put his name on the birth certificate and take him for child support, you don’t need him and the baby will be just fine w.o him. Sometimes knowing the blood isn’t always a good thing.
My mom married my (step) dad when I was a baby (I also had older sister and older brother) and my dad became our dad, never even said or referred to as ‘step’
Well when I was about 12 he passed away, fought cancer for like 5 years. My mom never kept it a secret that he wasn’t our biological father. And when I was about 15 I decided I wanted to know who my blood is. And honestly i don’t feel like I missed out on much. I had such a great childhood. And 2 parents that loved me for than anything. And not to down any of them but my bio dad’s family is very judgemental and not the best people. So I really don’t think blood is always the right answer.
Military get in trouble if they are married getting other women pregnant my ex husband was in the army for years we have one kid together and he got in trouble for cheating not for having a child. He’s a liar just to get what he wants. Put him on child support keep all the texts for court. Good luck and congrats
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I would just take this time to focus on a plan for you and the baby and preparing for baby. All the other factors aren’t priority right now.
You know where the bases or it’s many officer go to him they’ll make sure he pays child support to take responsibility he won’t get in trouble they just want them to take responsibility
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You chose to keep a baby knowing the man didn’t want kids. It’s on you. Just like if you decided to have an abortion because you didn’t want kids even tho he did, the woman would be chosing not to be a parent and in this case specifically the man is choosing not to be a father. He’s has just as much right as you do. Just terminate rights leave his money alone. You alone made this choice knowing deep down he didn’t want kids.
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Geesh I wish I had this . Keep those msgs for if they try anything later. Do not put on birth certificate n love your life