How to navigate through a fiance who doesn't want to get married?

Say peace out. He don’t want it… leave!

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Don’t get married if you are already not happy you can do everything else down to the ceremony if it is that important but don’t sighn the paperwork

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It’s just a piece of paper. If you’re in love, and happy, and want to spend together forever, you can do that without signing it. Are you really going to throw out 5 years, and quite frankly the rest of your life, because you think that he should bend to your desires and that you shouldn’t bend to his? You’re asking him to bend on his morals just as much as you would have to bend on yours. It’s just a piece of paper. If you want to be together; be together. And if not, or if a ring and a piece of paper is really an end-all be-all for you, then end it.

You want to be a wife some day. He has his cake and everything. It’s time to move on.

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After a fight he’s ready to throw in the towel? Relationships fight. If it’s that easy for him to walk away leave

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In his defense, me and my husband have been together since 2006. 3 kids later we got married in 2018. A lot of people tried to pressure us in getting married through the whole 12 years it took us to finally do it. It honestly was a spur of the moment thing too lmao. We didn’t have a wedding. Just went to the judge and he married us lol. You and him need to have a thorough sit down and truly discuss yalls plans. I wanted to be married when we were both married because we don’t believe in divorce. I want a 1 and done thing. Just because we had kids, did not mean we HAD to stay with each other. When yall are ready, yall are ready. If you are adamant on getting married now, it will be brought up. How one forced the other. Don’t do that to yalls relationship. If neither one can come to an agreement and can’t compromise, might be time to throw in the towel. One of yall are going to end up hurt.

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Worst thing to do is get married because your partner is pressuring you into it. This happened to me and I regretted it. No one has to be married to be happy. I know other people who feel the same getting pressured into getting married only makes you resent your partner.

Leave . He’s dragging his heels .

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dump him…fiance means you are getting married…

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You don’t navigate it. You leave.

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Do not force him or try to talk him into marriage. If he wants it he will make it happen. If he doesn’t and you talk him into it you will be in an even worse situation once you’re married with kids. Better to lose 5 years now then go through a divorce after 25.

Navigate through what? Sounds immature and controlling

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He never wanted to get married…you knew that from the start but pressured until he submitted
That doesn’t change the fact he’s never wanted to get married

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No 10 years, leave, get someone else, he doesn’t want to marry YOU, for whatever REASON, which is best for you.

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Either decide you’re ok with how things are or it’s time to move on.

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You two want very different things at this juncture. One of you will have to compromise what you want for the other if you want to stay together. I think at this point it’s time to end it Bc it isn’t fair to either of you to continue when you both are going to be unhappy.

That man does not want to be married, I kind of feel like he might want you to be his Safety net only, does that ring a bell to you

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Navigate yourself out the door! He will not marry you.

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If it becomes you trying to woo him into it it won’t work regardless and the extra work shows you’re more into him than he you

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You say, I don’t either! Leave and pull that door tightly shut.

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Leave his sorry ass, plenty of good men out there :heart:

If you force him into marriage you are going to be unhappy. Hounding him and nagging about it all the time is pretty much forcing him. He’s either going to leave because of it, or marry you to make you happy and you will both end up miserable. There’s an issue there with commitment. I would leave. Maybe work on yourselves and eventually try again. Right now in my opinion, it won’t end well if you two don’t go ahead and go your separate ways (for now). I know you are hurting, but you are not going to change his mind about it. Good luck with everything.

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He is Suuuuper doubtful, although he may love ya.
If you’ve never listened to anything before, IN LIIIFUHA, listen to this intuition you have.
Listen to meee, let this man go👍🏾
Yes you both love each other and that’s ok. But LET HIM GO!.
No matter what or how you feel.
This sounds very harsh and abrasive but I am saying it with the most love and intent as possible.
:heart:
You will heal❤️‍🩹
And you both will be grateful💯
for the honesty, the maturity, and the knowledge’sense’ enough to know so NEOW.

Ugh :weary: this is sad.:pensive:
You will find someone who loves you as much as you love them and who without a doubt will give you his name.

Experts say if a man doesn’t commit after a year. He is just playing you. It seems to me he wants to keep his options opened. He does love you or he wouldn’t have stayed with you or try to please you. But he doesn’t love you enough. For some reason he is keeping his options open. If you tell him you want out because you don’t feel he will ever commit. If he doesn’t do it then. Chances are he never will. I have the same situation only I have 9 years invested. After the first 3 years. I figured it’s a lost case. So we are just friends now. I haven’t found my mr. Right yet. But he gets jealous when I talk about or go out with another. But yet he won’t commit. So we make better friends then marriage material. I had to come to realize this. Some day I’ll find mr. Right. He hasn’t come along yet.

Do you really want someone who is not sure about what he wants? I would break it off. Love yourself above all. Tell him goodbye.

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You’re wasting valuable time to be truly happy with someone who will want the same thing you want. Cut your losses

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You may be better off if you let it be

Get rid of him…run girl

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So generally when you propose it’s because you want to get married. That in itself is supposed to be a commitment to the next step which is marriage. Clearly he has no idea what a proposal is actually meant for and seems he has no interest in actually making it official. 5 years is a long time and if he is still not ready to marry you then I don’t think he ever will be, if he does he’s probably going to continuously threaten with divorce and that itself is going to stress you every day wondering if he will ever go through with it. Think long and hard and decide what is best for you. If you are wanting children at some stage you can’t have them with someone that can’t decide which side of the fence he’s on. He’s either in it or not

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He plays too much. Pick up your things and dignity, and leave

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Stand firm. He’s not worth having if he doesn’t commit.

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Everyone saying run, maybe he genuinely just doesn’t want to get married!
I don’t want to :roll_eyes:

Or he may of fallen out of love with you… :confused:
X

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You can’t force him to marry u girl . If marriage. Is what u want but not for him maybe that’s telling u not meant to be together .

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If you’re both on the same page about everything else for your future then does it really matter if you’re married. But!!! If there are a lot of things you don’t agree on for the future then maybe you both need to move on.

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to navigate through a fiance who doesn't want to get married? - Mamas Uncut

If he doesn’t want to get married and you do then yous obviously want different things. Someone could say ‘it’s just a piece of paper’ but maybe to you it’s more then that. If he can’t see him marrying you then I would be leaving and finding someone who wants the same thing. Marriage isn’t for anyone but if you want that commitment then it’s not going to be with him.

Why does he give you ultimatums?

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I mean I don’t want to get married my partner knows that? I personally don’t feel I need a bit of paper to say I love you. I figure the 2 kids and house we share is enough. Marriage just isn’t for some people I guess

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I think you need to decide what holds more value. The relationship alone or the having a signed contract…

From personal experience (I was married at 23 divorced at 27) that piece of paper doesn’t change things. What isn’t working now will stay not working, the respect you have now won’t change. Etc.

I did get remarried because my now husband wanted to and I didn’t think iw would be fair to deny him because someone else messed up years ago.

But it all comes down to you and noone else can make that call but you. Xx

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I’m sorry but it’s very selfish to expect him to get married just because that’s what you want.

What means more? A piece of paper or him?

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End of the day marriage is a piece of paper. You could just have a ceremony and give each other eternity rings? As long as you love each other and are full committed to each other what’s the problem. Also can still buy a lovely dress and massive cake to eat

The same advice I give everyone … anything that’s this difficult , isn’t right … basic I know , but that’s what I live by

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to navigate through a fiance who doesn't want to get married? - Mamas Uncut

Ladies if you want to be married than find yourself a partner that wants the same. Do not let go of your dream or desire to complete your version of a life achievement. If you believe in marriage that find someone that has that same belief do not settle or compromise with a partner that isn’t going to do the same for you.

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Has he asked you to marry him? Why do you refer to him as a “fiancé”? Seriously. You already know the answer. He is not your fiancé, you just really want him to be.

I have read this again…

Does he have a wife in his country? Does he ever visit there without you? Have you met his family? Do you live together?

Why are you even questioning this?!? Leave. Now.

If you don’t want the same things out of life now, you never will.

Leave before you get pregnant and he leaves you anyway. Run. Don’t walk.

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5 years sounds like a lot to invest in someone, but think of it as 5 years out of 80 years. I’ve seen so many post of men who drag women along with the idea of marriage until the girl decides to leave after 10 years. Let it be 5 out of 80 and not any more than that. The fact he’s giving you an ultimatum makes me feel like if you do marry him he’ll start doing “Do this or we’ll divorce” “You’re a bad wife, I should have never married you” “You ruined my life over marriage.”

Please there are so many men out there who would LOVE to marry you. Don’t settle on a string a long.

Eta: You might think you want him, but from personal experience I WANTED my ex with my entire existence and let him string me along for 4 years. Being with my man now for 5 years sometimes I think how horrible my life could have been for me and our possible children if I stayed with him because I THOUGHT he was the best. He was the best of what I knew previously, but not much better. I promise there really are amazing and great men who make you question why all men aren’t like them.

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You navigate through this by listening to him and leaving him alone. Once he told you he didn’t want to get married why stick around knowing that you do? you’ve set yourself up for heartache. Find someone who wants the same things out of a relationship as you.

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I’d leave. Someone out there would love to marry you. Without hesitation.

I get the time invested, but at this point he’s wasting your time.

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If he hasn’t proposed and given you a ring, he’s not your fiancé. Leave. You’re wasting your time being with someone who can’t commit.

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I mean he doesn’t really sound like a catch…But since you’ve been w him for 5 years, I assume you love him and see something in him. It sounds to me like there may be deeper issues as to why he doesn’t want to get married or why he doesn’t want to marry you.

However, not everyone wants to get married… You really need to have a honest conversation with yourself and make a decision. Is it enough just being with him?

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You want different things. You don’t want to be married to anyone who isn’t 100%. Marriage is difficult enough when you are both in it 100.

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Not everyone wants to get married, and that IS okay. But YOU DO. So I think it’s time you move on with your life. He can’t give you what you want, and he shouldn’t feel pressured to do so. You want something he doesn’t, and if it’s a deal breaker to you then leave and find someone who would want to marry you. Take time for yourself fist :heart:

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Girl, run. You are worthy of marriage if that’s what you want. You’ll find someone who wants that with you. Don’t stay with someone who makes what you want an afterthought.

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Same question? How is it your fiancé if he doesn’t want to get married?? Did he propose because I’m getting the impression he didn’t if he doesn’t want to get married

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I think you know the answer here, your heart knows but if you’re wanting to stay with him still, then do not expect him to be the man that you want him to be, because he is not & you can’t change that.

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You both sound like you could benefit from some therapy. You are calling him your fiance even though he doesn’t want to marry you which is pretty toxic. He doesn’t want to marry you and holds things over your head… Sounds like you need to part ways, do some shadow work and healing then find someone that has?the same values as you.

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You shouldn’t have to pressure a man to marry you. Move on, you’ve wasted 5 years of your life already-dont waste a second more.

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When I had doubts and broke up with my ex I said “where do you see our relationship going? What exactly is this?” … I’d take that as a sure sign that it’s over.
Also, if he never asked you to marry him, he is not your fiancé. That’s toxic and you are setting yourself up for this heartbreak.

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He is SAYING what he isn’t comfortable with. Who cares why. The bigger question is WHY are you spending energy trying to change his mind? Is that what you want to spend your marriage doing when hard choices come along?

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I’ve been with my husband (not legally married) for 12 years. It’s just a piece of paper. Love is all that matters. I’m his wife he is my husband we just dont need a piece of paper to prove it. Everyone is different. I would love a wedding he doesn’t so why screw up what we have?

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Not everyone wants to get married so if you truly want marriage in your life then you might have to leave …

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Not everyone wants to be married, like myself. Doesn’t make the commitment any less real but you need a partner who wants the same as you do. You shouldn’t aim to change his mind because it’ll end in one of you settling and neither of you being happy about it.

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You want to be legally married he doesn’t. I’d leave. Don’t waste time on someone who doesn’t want the same things as you !

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Are you able to meet a compromise? He may not like the government meddling in his personal life. Maybe a wedding ceremony without the paperwork.? That is ofcourse, if him not wanting to be official about it isn’t a deal breaker for you…which it sorta sounds like that may be the case.

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Throw the whole man away and work on your glow up!

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Walk away with your dignity, he’s not going to change and you’ve already lost 5 years

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When I was younger I was a single mom with 4 daughters. I was dating a wonderful man at the time that was so good to my girls and I loved him very much. He told me he loves me but will never marry me. I was heartbroken. I had to let him go. Now fast forward 20 something years. I should have never let him go. He was the one who got away… my heart still breaks over that. Be careful what you wish for…

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People don’t lie. If he says he doesn’t want to get married you can’t force him. Likewise he’s not gonna change your mind. You’re at an impasse. move on. Find someone that has the same goals as you do.

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Men who really want commitment will make sure you know. You won’t need to talk to your mother, girlfriends, FB pages. NOBODY

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Navigate yourself right out of the relationship now because he doesn’t want the same things. If he is asking you where you see your relationship in 10 years, sounds like he is already picturing his life without you in it. There would be no reason for a question like that if everything was fine, and he hasn’t already thought about a life without you in it. Run now before you invest anymore time into a dead end relationship.

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Why did this person become your fiancé if they don’t want to get married?? Isn’t that the end goal of being engaged.

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As a married person, there are so many perks to not being married. However, I believe he has some issue that he refuses to work through and you’re more willing to compromise than him, which is a major red flag. I’ve known people who bought rings, had a ceremony, but never got the government involved. There are options out there, but I advise you find someone who’s on the same page as you.

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Walk far and fast from this guy. If in 5 years HE doesn’t see this going thru with marriage, and it’s what you want, it’s over. I’ve seen so many couples with same issue and when they split, HE marries someone else. It is a road to nowhere. Sorry.

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First off I would quit calling him my fiance cuz clearly he’s not and you have to decide if you want to keep navigating through this or move on

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He doesn’t sound like a fiancé at all. You need to make some decisions. He’s talking and you aren’t hearing what you WANT to hear. Listen to him. If you can’t be happy with what he’s offering then is time to move on. If you’ve know for 5 years it wouldn’t end in marriage and you stayed knowing this, maybe you are looking for something that’s not there.

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Honestly, to be very blunt, you don’t. You either chose to be with the man and forgo marriage or you walk away and find someone who wants the same things relationship wise that you do. Trying to talk anyone into marriage will never work. Anytime you fight that will be something that is thrown in your face. He will become bitter and you will still not be happy. After 5 years it should be pretty clear marriage is not for him and he’s just trying appease you with the rings.

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Don’t make him marry you. He will end up resenting you.

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He either truly doesn’t want to get married but realizes the relationship doesn’t have a future if he doesn’t agree to it

OR

He’s being petty and saying things to get a rise out of you when he’s angry.

Either way, that’s not a healthy relationship and in my opinion should not continue.

However … if you truly don’t want to get married but are just saying you do to appease your partner, buying a ring seems really pointless and extreme. Idk.
If I wasn’t into the idea of marriage or didn’t want to marry my partner I definitely wouldn’t be going out and spending any amount of money on an engagement ring.

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Dump him. You deserve someone who actually loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you. This ain’t it.

If a relationship is already “work” during its first years what’s going to happen when you add sleep deprived nights, a colicky baby, loss of a job or other major financial stress?

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My boyfriend has asked me twice and I’ve told him not now twice. We have been together 13 years and get along better than most married couples we know. He knows I don’t want to because we talked about it. It’s just papers to me. I’ve been there, I was abused by my ex-husband and lost everything, they gave it all to him because we was married and I couldn’t prove it was mine before being married. By Florida’s common law my boyfriend and I are considered married without papers. Most people refer to us as married. Do I have a ring, well not a wedding one, but if I wanted rings I could get them. Sounds to me like you both need to sit and actually talk about your future, your goals and expectations of the relationship. Communication, affection, appreciation, and attention. This is what’s needed and apparels this is missing from your relationship. Best of luck.

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Sounds like you have different priorities/goals. Time to find someone who is on the same page. Don’t invest anymore time into someone who isn’t going to give you what you want. If he gives you an ultimatum then it is time. Things don’t end well when those are given.

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Just for a minute assume you had a daughter whom was going thru this same thing and she came to you with the same words…what would your answer be? Respect and love yourself always even if others dont.

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He doesnt sound interested in long term and seems to be looking for a reason to leave. I’d leave first! Leave! It’s never going to get any further. :disappointed_relieved::broken_heart:

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I didn’t want to get married my husband did so after ten years of being together I agreed because he wanted it … any who 5 years after marriage we are getting divorced lol there’s more to life than a ring and a bit of paper and trust if u do that and it goes wrong it’s damn expensive to get out of

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I strongly believe in marriage, before kids and even living together. Like it should be. If you want it and he doesn’t, move on. Stop wasting time and find someone who wants the same things as you. Good luck!

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The bottom line here is atm you each want different things (whatever the reasons ). When someone tells you who they are/what they want believe them. The fact that you each want different things is (No one’s fault). The way forward now is for you both to go find what really makes you happy. Because, it doesn’t sound like its EACHOTHER.

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So my aunt always believed in marriage and still does, however she and her partner have been together ever since I was born, probably before that too I’m not sure. He doesn’t believe in marriage and she came to the decision that she loves him enough that being married wasn’t an issue for her. They’ve been together for 24 years or more. You just need to decide if staying with him is worth giving up on traditional marriage or if what you have is enough

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It wouldn’t even be a question for me. I would never live with a man who hasnt made a marriage vow before God with me. I believe in marriage age very strongly, but to each his own.

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You know he doesn’t want to get married, so IF he ever does marry you, you will always know it’s because you pressured him. You know the answer. Stop investing more time in a relationship that isn’t going where YOU want it to go. No one’s fault, you just want two different things. You have one life, it’s up to you to make it a good one.

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Stop wasting your time when you guys don’t have the same goal🤷‍♀️ It is OK to start over with a person is with a person that has a similar goal as you it does not matter if you were with them for 10 days 10 months 10 years if you don’t have a similar goal you’re putting yourself in dismay

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If he doesn’t want to be married, and you do, he ain’t the one sis. Don’t convince him to either, bc if he does go through with it, he will eventually resent you, and that will most likely end up ending things anyway.

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Was he married before? Does he have concrete reasons why? You deserve to know thoughts. Depending on those answers, I probably would leave but I’m sure it’s not easy.

see other people. not out of meanness. calm your nerves and make your own self happy. figure out of you want a ceremony and a legal contract, or a quality relarionship, or both. many ladies and some men are really caught up with just being married, like checking off a thing from the list of life goals.

Sounds like he’s looking for a reason to exit the relationship. Y’all have different wants and goals in life.

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I’m going to get some hate, but I think marriage is a horrible construct. I’ve been with my “husband” for 11 years and we have 2 kids together. We got together in our late 20’s (neither of us previously married) and had our kids mid 30’s. No sense in spending money on a wedding and financially, it has made sense for us to remain unmarried. No big deal and if we should ever grow apart and want to be separate, then no messiness, if you handle it like a mature adult and realize people may not be meant to be together forever, but can still be friends, if the relationship is healthy. There is no shame in that. I don’t frown on people who are married, but it is symbolic and messu and expensive if it doesn’t work and people mostly change in life, regardless of how happy or healthy that relationship may be. Why add all of the legal stress to the emotional, should things go awry?

Honestly, sounds like he’s holding out possibly for something better… if a man wants to be with you, you’ll know. You won’t have to question it, chase him, constantly try to justify your feelings. If you’re worried he’s going to leave, than thats your intuition. Relationships are hard. But not in that way. Questioning your future is a big red flag in my opinion.

Plain and simple if you both want different things in life then it’s best to just go separate ways. You shouldn’t have to force someone to marry you, he’ll resent you got the rest of his life and you’ll both be miserable. It sucks spending five years with someone but it’s better to leave now instead of wasting more years

Are you wanting marriage to lead to kids, house, picket fence, picture perfect image? (Fantasy and not all is cracked up to be)
Are you wanting marriage as a “secure and lock it down” insecurity? (Are you worried that he will cheat or leave you if you’re not married?)
Are you wanting marriage because of society, family or religious pressure? (Living your life to please others will make you feel empty and never satisfy others expectations)
If you dont get married, will you feel temporary or less valued or important?

There is no right or wrong answer.
I would suggest therapy just to have someone to chat with about your feelings.

Sometimes people are in our lives for seasons and not the for the rest of our lives.
Sometimes we get married and its miserable. Sometimes we dont get married and are happy.
Sometimes we just want someone to value us and make us feel more reassured.

I never wanted to get married or have kids but was backed into a corner by him and his family after a surprise pregnancy. I resented every second of that marriage. It wasn’t the same relationship after the vows were said.

He’s literally telling you exactly who he is you’re just choosing not to listen. I know it hurts like fuk but honestly would u rather start over now with hopefully no children and clean hands or years down the line with kids and bills and whatever else may be…

I was in 2 separate 8 year long relationships with men who put that ring on my finger but never actually intended on taking that final step. I finally realized that I wanted something they each didn’t. We parted ways and it led me to the man I’m supposed to be with. I made it clear what I was looking for (IN ALL ASPECTS) and within 1 year and 2 months we had the wedding of my dreams!! He’s the greatest blessing I’ve ever gotten in life and all I had to do was find someone on the exact same page as me.