I don’t know if you can help me with this or not. I have a 5 yr old son that is nothing but hell around me and his father. I have tried everything to get him to listen to us. He is rude disrespectful, mean, and ugly every where we go. I have done everything possible to punish him. it’s gotten to the point where I just want to give him to my Mom. I cannot handle him. I am so upset and crying everyday cause he will simply not listen to me. When it comes to clean up his toys he will put them up for me. When it is just me and him it is just fine. School is saying that he does act up in school some. His doctor said that they cannot test him for ADHD or anything like that until school says something about him. Even if I tell them they still will not test him. please let me know what I can do before I totally lose my mind.
Go to a different dr. Take him to a therapist. It’s your child not your mother’s.
Take him to a different doctor or clinic, that’s BS. Also, if you want to give your child away, get yourself in for a depression screening.
Wow! Even on my worst day I would never talk about giving up my kid to my mom.
Bc self care is number one key
It’s not a crime to feel defeated and to give your child to a family member for a little while. Sometimes you just need a break, I get it. So dont let anyone judge you for that. Secondly , I would take him to a different doctor because they should be able to test him for that regardless of school. And third, I agree with Harley. Have a sit down conversation with him maybe you can get through to him and figure out what’s going on with him to make him act out…and not listen. Its okay to feel discouraged and at wits end. Dont let stupid people get to you. Sometimes you need a break.
Have you tried taking him to a behavioral/children’s therapist?
There is no shame in needing a break sometimes. It’s hard to not feel like a bad mom for needing one, but by knowing you need a break, you’re being a good mom. Don’t push yourself to the breaking point. Have a day or two for yourself and your husband, gather your sanity, and go from there. You can do this💞
I have 3 boys 6 3 and 2. I have gotten to this point with my older 2 to the point I felt like a failure that I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t enjoy time with my boys. But I kept consistent and kept trucking forward over time they calmed down amd now they are great. Give it time. Stay strong. Stay consistent.
I would call state and have him evaluated. If there is a problem they will know. I had a problem with my son eating. I called state and had him evaluated. They also evaluated him for behavior.
Have you considered his diet? Is he getting too much sugar or any caffeine? Also some kids react terribly to some food dyes. Is he getting enough physical activity?
Yes . Go get counseling . Don’t wait .
Completely ignore him when he’s bad.Pretend like you don’t here or see him.Periodicly tell him to let you know as soon as he’s ready to behave that you will help him.STICK with it!
Have you tried ignoring his bad behavior and rewarding his good? Hes 5 they’re wild and testy. Maybe before counseling and meds or giving him up you change your parenting? At the same time, you deserve a break! Boys are pains! Maybe give him to your mom for a weekend and you and hubby get some time to reconnect hope you get some relief momma!
I’m confused. So he only acts up when dad is around?
Being consistent is the key.
Stop negotiating and tear that ass up! Manual labor is a good compliment after. Scrubbing toilets, mopping floors.
My son turned 4 and he’s the exact same. I tell my husband I do think he has ADHD or something. It’s a struggle to get him to focus on ANYTHING teaching him it’s almost impossible. He learns it and he could turn around and not know anymore. Nothing sticks. Maybe it’s not how he learns. We have tried everything to get him to listen and he’s very standoffish i feel you gurl
If he’s not mental than how about tough love, you cannot be a sissy parent when you have son(s) and daughter(s). just saying.
Unbelievable, your child is acting out for a reason and u need to find out why, take him to a therapist - this is your child not your mothers - you gave birth your responsibility - dont have him put on medication because you cant handle your child! There has to be a reason
Children in school can be tested for ADD/ ADHD, the Vanderbilt test is at every pediatricians office, copy for you and teacher. Don’t give up. Don’t feel bad. Take care of you or you can’t take care of him. Be consistent. Follow through. If you say something and count to 3, do it. Idc if he straightened up the second you said 3, he made you say three, follow through. Doing this will show him boundaries, which is what he is desperately trying to find. My sons run into them all the time lol Counseliy is a great idea, for the both of you. Definitely y’all to him without the hubby, but it’s always a rule in my house that respect will be given to adults so idc if they don’t like someone, they will be polite. They aren’t unsafe. They’re disrespectful. If he is only acting up when your husband is around (is that his dad or no?) then you may need to probe further into why. Prayers for your sweet family as you figure this out!
So give this problem to your mom?? Wow!! We all need a break I agree but she didnt say a break she said “GIVE” him to her mom…if you do this let me tell you what happens he will hate you and blame you every day of his life for giving him away and you think u have problems now just wait these problems will be a walk in the park compared to what will happen…
Don’t get defeated. He is your son, you just need to try other ways of getting him to mind. No two children are the same, so just because something worked for one doesn’t mean it will for the other. Sounds like it’s a problem with home and the father relationship. I am not saying that the father is bad, at all but something is bothering the child. Do you guys fight in front of him? Or is it a loud environment? Start making some changes and stay consistent with him. Also, you probably need to get yourself in some therapy to help you deal with your emotions. Crying in front of him daily isn’t helping.
I have a difficult 5 year old too, using a reward system works for us. He usually doesn’t listen at school, but everyday he earns a star towards something he wants. Give him chances to also correct his behavior, maybe having a bad morning doesn’t need to be a complete loss. Also help him learn to express his feelings, identify when he is angry or sad or anxious so he can start to vocalize. Too many times we forget children aren’t supposed to be obedient drones, they are little people with valid feelings. Maybe he needs more attention, or is not getting enough sleep etc. instead of focusing on punishment, focus on good behavior
Your mom already raised her kids she shouldn’t have to raise your child too! Get tough and figure out a way. You can’t give up on your child no matter how hard it gets. He’s 5 and is probably the way he is because of you. People think it’s cute when their 2 year olds are bad and when they cant control them anymore then it’s a problem.
Stick him in the corner make him face the wall
If he’s ok with just you but when dad is around acts differently then that’s something you need to look into I’m afraid.
I think all parents feel like failures at one point or another. That is normal. As for getting him tested I think he is a little young for that. It could be his diet a little bit. You have to be consistent with your expectations of his behavior. If you do tell him something you have to stick to it. For a lot of parents that is the hardest part. Also anyone that takes care of this boy have to be on the same page. Another thing that might help is set goals for him to work for.
My son has glue ear and he’s 5 and gets his ears tested regularly and this affects his hearing and speech. Also kids way’s of expressing themselves can be through behaviour.
Kids often act out at home because that is the safe place.
An old fashioned ads whooping !!!
Well the doctor is wrong. A parent, not a school employee is the one that asks for said testing. First step: GET A NEW DOCTOR. And, as a side note, have him evaluated for ODD as well as ADD/ADHD.
From the start y u guys dont give them those things they need? My daughter is 7 she cant even dare to let me repeat my self if i say something she would do it right away…
Your Doctor most certainly can at least have Him referred to early intervention he needs to be evaluated it sounds like oppositional defiance disorder, there is no magic drug for this, you would need a behavourist to help you, I have seen a big change in kids who have had this help and it does not usually need to be done llong term. For example one kid I knew age 4 was a complete terror, literally would walk into neighbors homes and start ransacking, he went to a behaviorist about 7 months later I was struggling with a stroller, a bag and rain this kid jumped out of his line at school purposely to help me by opening the door. Behaviorists works because they include the parents in the process…
Try to use positives- point out when he is doing the right thing. Maybe he and your husband need to spend more time together, just the two of them.
Uuhmmm…if you want him tested, the dr HAS to test him! I have ADHD, and my mom didn’t wait on the school to say something! Stand your ground! Get that test!
Get him tested for ODD. It is a behavioral disorder. It’s no fun and nothing really helps but it’s an answer.
Stop concentrating on how to punish him… start concentrating on how to understand him.
First… start identifying with his emotions and give him permission to feel his emotions.
2nd. Look for triggers… what is triggering behavior.
3rd… teach coping skills on how to cope with feelings and emotions
Listen to him… get down on his level and really try to understand him.
Focus more on understanding and helping him and less on the punishment
Beat the living s…t out of him all the time. Let him know U mean business
Ask the school to give you a referral! They will!
First you need a new doctor. They can test if you feel bbn its needed.
Can he sit still and watch his favorite tv show? If he can handle tv or a video game for 20 minutes, and tell you what it was about, he’s not ADD! He might be acting out when you’re interacting with hubby or another adult because he wants all of your attention. Ask him. Then structure your responses to his behaviors accordingly.
Spankings. Hard ones.
Spank his butt and send him to his room. Kids don’t need drugs just because they don’t listen. He is behaving at school. The problem is at home. It’s not ADHD. Drugging him is not the answer.
PS. Your dr is an ass. Get a real doctor!
I made a Facebook live about this and the insight I got is basically all 5 year olds act this way my son is 5 and literally is so rude but I had one break down, made a live and got a lot of support this shall pass. Try and hold onto the good moments
No beating. Ffs people. Your just going to create an even more troubled kid.
Start concentrating on when he’s well behaved. Pick your battles.
Talk to him. Ask him if he’s got something troubling him. Kids are not easy, and they won’t fit into your box I’m afraid. But please don’t give up on him. He’ll grow out of this stage.
Talk to his school psychologist.Is he having learning problems is someone picking on him? Kids only act out if something is going on.I’ve never raised my hand to my kids.Does he have a DS ,game systems,tablets.Take those things away if he does.Just talk to him he’s only 5.Good luck.
Was everything good birth too 4years then things changed or what?
If you are consistent with showing the behavior you want he will learn.
Give him more attention. Not saying you don’t already! ut anytime he does even the smallest little thing that’s good tell him how good of a job he did or thank him. If he does something bad, try redirecting or asking what makes him feel that he needs to do that and understand what’s going on in his mind. Even though kids are little, they still have all the same emotions we do and they don’t always understand them or even know what they are. Try adjusting his diet too. Not much sugar or caffeine. If you really feel that he needs an evaluation, call around and see where you can get one or find a different ped. On that note, get some paper and crayons out and have him draw a picture of himself, your family, see what he draws and ask questions about it. Or play house with action figures and see how his characters interact and see if you can figure out what’s going on that way. Good luck
First of all reclaim your power here. You are a grown woman and he is a five-year-old child. Your disciplines for not doing as he’s told need to be Swift and consistent. Put him in his room and out of your sight when he acts out- each and every time. He will learn or he will not learn- those will be his choices to make. You will gain some peace of mind while he he is out site. It will help balance you. I have seen many times were parents give all the power over to their children who will run over them like a Mack truck. Children do not have the maturity to handle too much freedom of choice.
I recommend this book for anyone who has a child
Love and Logic
I do not recommend striking the child in any way. That type of punishment has long-lasting consequences that would only be detrimental
My 5 year old went through that phase. That’s all it is. Now she’s almost 6 and very respectful and helpful like 85% of the time which is incredible to how she used to be
First off get a different drs opinion. Second I’d suggest a psych consult. May be oppositional defiant disorder. If it is meds will help. If it’s not they can refer you to a behavioralist that can instruct you how to respond to your child’s acting out. Also try to set aside one on one time between you and him every week. Set time set day. It will help regardless. Also I hate to ask but has he ever been sexually or physically abused because acting out can sometimes be a side effect of abuse and the child trying to lock everything up. Something is bothering him. Find out what.
Possibly behavioral therapy might help? Might be covered by insurance. And you said you’ve tried everything I’d spend a good chunk of time looking into discipline, and also look into some free parenting classes in your area, I’ve taken abunch. It’s best to give your child consistency and stick to one thing and make sure when you say no you mean it and stick to it no matter how much they yell and cry.
I would take him to a different doctor. Sounds to me like he may have ODD. Instead of punishments try rewards for good behavior. That seemed to work best with my son. I done a sticker chart then at the end of the week he got a small reward depending on the number of stickers he earned. He loved it. Sometimes we would have a bigger reward at the end of the month. He loved it. We he started school his teacher used my idea to. Good luck. It takes patience and persistence.
My son was diagnosed ADHD when he was 4. Find a new doctor…
I have a 4 year old girl and can completely relate. She is a struggle. I’m trying to get through it the best I can and I hope it is just a phase that she will grow out of. But for now I’m going bald from stress…
I think also giving him things to work for (that you will not take away as punishment) will help him feel more in control, and that he’s not always in a hole of punishment or feeling that he’s a bad kid. Positive praise works really well too whenever you notice him doing good it feels really good to be acknowledged. I have a star chart I got off amazon and if he does certain chores around the house he can work towards earning enough to go do something fun or play something with me or earn a little screen time etc. but I want to stress not to use those stars in punishment and take them away.
This is gna be unpopular… but I don’t care about being popular… but… U CANT JUST MEDICATE UR CHILD(REN) SO U DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM… & GIVING THEM AWAY IS ABOUT THE WEAKEST THING I’VE EVER HEARD ANYONE SAY… I have an almost 5 year old… & she is a challenge but never in a million years would I say I was giving her to my mother or any1 else for tht matter… I also have a 15 year old & 17 month old & I’m 21 weeks pregnant… so believe me… my hands r full… but so is my heart… if u r at the point where u can vocalize u want to GIVE UR KID AWAY… U HAVE SOME KIND OF DISCONNECT FROM UR KID & HE’S PICKING UP ON IT… he wants ur attention so hes gna do what he can to get it whether its negative or not… its called STALE CRACKER SYNDROME… maybe u r the 1 tht needs meds & not ur child
Here is old tough love if he wanted candy or treat say no to him and explain to him bad boy don’t get treat or candy and you know his favorite food is don’t cook his favorites foods and say no you were being bad today you eat what I cook for you or no you’re not going to playground because you were being rude and disrespectful to me or dad today. After awhile he will get a pic my kids were but their behaviour had changed since then. However go see different doctor if there’s something wrong with him.
Disrespectful does not mean ADHD
If he’s fine with just you and him but horrible with the dad around,then he knows daddy will let him get away with anything and wont punish him. Gotta get the dad on board with punishing the kid the same way you do or it wont change. I have the same problem with my daughter. She’s 5 and acts great around me and her dad bc we punish her when she acts up. However,when her grandma is around that will let my daughter yell at her,throw fits,and the grandma just lets her do it or gives her anything she wants and rewards the bad behavior then my daughter becomes a demon. Everyone around a child for long periods has to take part in teaching the child right or wrong. One person not doing that and spoiling the child instead can make a kid a hellion.
Sounds like my son when he was that age. Ended up taking him to Riley hospital and they told me he has oppositional defiant disorder. And now he is also diagnosed with high functioning autism.
And they can test him for ADHD talk to a pediatrician and tell them what is going on they should have you fill out a packet and the school and return them back to them. They will look it all over and should them send you to a psychiatrist to talk with them further. Or you can just call a psychiatrist and let them know what’s going on and they can send you the packets to fill out as well
I wouldn’t say ADHD. Sounds like ODD and at this age, that would apply. He’s defiant, he has discovered he is separate from you, which is fine but…you need to explain there are rules and consequences. That is imperative. Be firm. But don’t make him feel guilty.
Get him evaluated your the mother if ypu feel something may be weong take him to an emergency mental health facility and havw thwm evaluate him they will dirwct you as to what to do next I had to do this i was told by her dr to do it and rhwy ser me yp with a behavioral therapist and it does help or they will twll ylu if possibly medication mau help
Watch some super nanny on you tube.
Bad behavior does not equal ADHD. Some kids are just more mischievous than others. .
Even if you give him alot, give him more attention! Make sure you’re explaining the WHY on why you do and don’t do things. Give him time to think about what he’s doing/done before punishing. Reward good behavior.
If negative (punishment) parenting isn’t working, try positive parenting! Time ins. Try to see a behavior therapist.
Also, try to focus on his diet (diet changes behavior). Make sure he gets enough magnesium. There’s a magnesium powder for children called CALM. It’s a life saver!
See a different Pediatrician an seek therapy for both of you.
Gonna have to take things away don’t reward him for being bad don’t give up your letting him run you and your dad
Find a different Dr. My son’s Dr has been heaven sent. She’s been his Dr since he was born. She has done so much for my son. It is ridiculous that they won’t test him for ADHD without the school asking for it. We have known since my son was 3 that he had ADHD. He’s 6 now and it became unmanageable. All I had to do was take him to his Dr and she sent out the assessments for his teachers and I to do. What good is a Dr if they can’t help your child’s quality of life in every way?
Talk to his teacher my 6 yrold is bn tested for autism then ADHD
Doesn’t sound like he has adhd to me. My oldest has adhd and it’s not “being disrespectful” heck it’s not even just being energetic.
Sounds like he just wants attention even if it’s bad attention or he has ODD.
Maybe a little time away from him will be good for you both.
My bffs son is difficult & shes always calling me to help. Sometimes kids just need kid logic. Hes always good for me. For example the other day he wanted a bath but we were leaving, she kept saying no no no & hes screaming then she swats him & hes still freaking out & throwing toys. I simply said “i peed in the bathtub because the toilet was dirty, wait til i clean it you don’t wanna sit in my pee” & he said okay & put his shoes on to leave. Sometimes kid problems need kid solutions fyi i didn’t really pee in the tub.
You can get a different doctor because that’s a bold face lie.
Start by taking things away. The stiff he really cares for. If he wants them back then he will have to work for them and behave and respectful. It’s very hard… but my daughter was diagnosed ADHD at 2. I had to do things different with her, then my other 2 kids. She required more work. She would be mad but eventually she understood that when you act ugly you lose freedoms and things.
Are you sure he is not being abused by his father?
Because they probably don’t need to test him for ADHD try speaking with the pediatrician about getting him tested for behavioral issues.
Have you tried not talking to him when he acts that way? It’s hard but ignore him
Hope in your home is great. They work with your schedule and a counselor comes to your house or you can meet at their office if you prefer. Its difficult to admit you need help but they helped me get my 4 children on better schedules and listen better. Also were willing to meet me at 6pm after work.
If this has been going on for a while and youve not done anything it is too late now, but if it just started see a dr.
Do you have any friends or family that are police officers have the come over in uniform and have a talk with him that or boot camp. If he’s like this at 5 I can only imagine at 10 he’ll be swinging at you. Nip it in the butt
That’s BS. Find a new doctor. Get a behavioral health referral.
Your pediatrician is an idiot and you need to find a new pediatrician and quite frankly, sounds like he needs a psychiatric eval and possibly therapy.
He is crying for help. And not getting it. Not because you’re not trying, but because his issues are clearly being overlooked.
Very well could be aspergers syndrome. I know you’re looking for answers, and I babysat a young boy that had this diagnosis, for a while. He was 5.
Note that he had severe anger problems. He lashed out alot. Had 0 respect for any kind of authority. I’m sorry you are going through this, but therapy and proper medication can help. Also, try CBD oil
Smack his ass good …he’ll start listening
Just don’t give up on him
Bust his ass. Be a parent.
Counseling. For all of you. A lot of people let their children have their way and then hate the way they act about it. Gotta be the parent not the friend.
Try a developmental pediatrician instead of your doctor. They should be able to help you & you will not need a teachers permission.
Na I’ll go alone you watch the kids lol
Not sure what State u live in but he can be tested for that.
But he is only 5 maybe just talk to him no yelling or screaming cause it only makes things worse and try to have different play times with him he may just need your attention. Prayers
So he only acts up when he is around you & his dad . ADHD don’t make a child rude or disrespectful.
When I was going through some tough times with my little one, I watched supper nanny. She had great tips on how to communicate and discipline young children.
consequences. Don’t clean mama throws toys out. Don’t eat STARVE. leave nothing but a bed and 5 matching outfits with 5 plain white undies in the room. an itchy blanket shitty pillow etc. even take down room decor n everything. disrespectful boys n girls get to live like they’re in prison in my home. this mama don’t plag
My son got tested for adhd before he ever started kindergarten
He can be tested for adhd but most Dr. will not put them on meds before 6.
- Suggest a naturopath!!!
- A child behaviorist!!!
If your home life is healthy without termoil, it might be something internal…seek pros!!!