I need help with helping my almost two-year-old son. He’s very big and heavy for his age and is strong-willed. I am 6 months pregnant, so it’s getting really hard to deal with him when he throws tantrums. I also feel like I’m just not connecting with him well, and it’s contributing to us bumping heads. He is my first son, and his older sister is very petite and mild-mannered, so I’m in uncharted territory. I really feel like I’m very good at the “boy mom” thing. Any advice on dealing with big, strong, very strong-willed toddler boys who can’t quite speak well enough to communicate well yet??? He is also really sweet and a mammas boy, but we are struggling big time lately.
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Sounds like my grandson, just that mine is tiny but strong as a lion also very hyper. My daughter tries to change his diet and give him children liquid vitamin B.
Nowadays kids are like that probably cause by preservatives from food milk etc.
She give Enfamil as baby. All the other kids was quite.
Ignore all tantrums and unwanted behavior as long as he is not hurting himself or others just ignore and make him use his words to communicate with you while they might not be clear making him communicate with words helps him develop a better vocabulary and help you understand more of what he wants and needs or trying to tell you most tantrums are because we aren’t under what the kiddos are trying to communicate also be firm snd stand your ground boys are great to have but can definitely be alot sometimes especially when you have a mild mannered girl first
He’s jealous probably. Just be stern
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I don’t know how you can bump heads with a 2 year old. My boys are 24, 14, and 13 and all bigger than me and this momma ain’t bumping no heads with someone I brung in this world:woman_shrugging:
Time outs a min for every year
So if your struggling why have another? You should be concentrating on bringing him up and learning to connect with his needs. What you going to do when the other arrives. He is only a baby and needs you . He is 2 years old a baby not yet a little boy .
Its the age, be consistent with him and. Spend time in positive ways with him. Work out a time out system where you dobt have to pick him up
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Go down to eye level speak softly but firmly.make sure u get his energy down.
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Buck up. Be consistent and more stubborn. Its not the age. If hes a strong willed child thats forever. Mines 12. James Dobsons books help.
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If he is throwing tantrums because he wants to do one things but you need to do something else try being suggestive like once I do this maybe and make sure to stress the maybe do what he wants after try allowing him to help as he can
Nothing a good ass whooping wouldn’t hurt
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Lots of positive praise when he does something good and behaves walk away from his trantrum. My eldest had massive trantrum it was his first and only one. In the shop had a meltdown over something so I walked off continued my shopping he soon stopped
What does him being a ‘big boy’ and his sister being ‘petite’ have to do with anything?? Are you having resentment issues because he is not as petite or small as his sister? I just don’t get why you keep making an emphasis on his size…
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Raising Good Humans is an excellent book to help break the cycle of reactive parenting. It’s easy to let our frustration/emotions take over, but mindful parenting changed the game for me. The resources are plentiful if you’re interested. Good luck to you and your littles.
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I think the best advice are here is to get down to his level physically and talk to him in language he can understand and help him explain himself with words. Good luck
A good ass whooping wouldn’t hurt !
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*Feels, my son is 3 and the size of a 6 year old lol I have learned about the mother “glare” lol When he won’t leave the park and I can’t carry him because I’m 9 months pregnant I give him a look my mother would give me and tell him we will never come back. He usually jumps up and is ready to leave. This the first time I’ve been stern with him. I don’t hit him or be any kind of physical to him.
Just for the record he’s 2, so technically you are one sided in the bumping heads thing… maybe because you’re pregnant you are just overwhelmed with his behavior… they don’t call it terrible twos for nothing…
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My daughter is just about 2 as well & very rambunctious; whereas my eldest daughter too was quite meek & mild. I think it’s just this year of children who are more full on. Haha. My toddler keeps me on my toes. Being pregnant wouldn’t be helping either; as I feel the tireder we are the more full on they seem to be. Hang in there & good luck.
I’m sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard. Sometimes people need empathy… not judgement. I know I did when mine where that age. You got this.
Strong willed is not a stage you get over. They are what they are… And will only get stronger minded the older they get. As long as they are safe or do as you need them to, don’t try to change them.
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The best way to control strong minded kids is to make them think they are in control. So instead of having a battle of wills ,give him two choices which are simple but things you would like him to either way … eg would you like to have chicken or fish, would you like to wear a t- shirt or a button down shirt . This way you have control but the little one thinks he is making the decision.
I am in a very similar boat; strong-willed 2 year old and 6 months pregnant. I have found that giving him choices when he’s having a tantrum has helped. I let him know that it’s okay to not like x, y, or z but these are your choices. If you would like to still cry for a minute while you decide, you can do that in your room and come let me know when you’re done. I know it sounds dumb, but he usually doesn’t want to spend time in his room so he stops his tantrum, I give him his choices again and he lets me know. At least this has been working for us.
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I know most moms are gonna disagree with me, but here it goes…give him a spankin. It works. Time out never worked for my daughter. Since I’ve sparked my daughter, she shows a lot of respect towards me.
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Look into the book your whole brain child.
It breaks down how to talk to them so they will listen. And different techniques for different personalities
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Try speech therapy if it’s possible for you. It changed our son completely and has been so wonderful watching him grow and be able to communicate.
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It’s the age hun. 2 year old are notorious for being giant assholes. It will pass
Sounds EXACTLY like my son, but mine is a little peanut. Big personality in a little body, and his favorite activity is throwing EVERYTHING.
My son who is also very big for his age, went through a phase after I had my second son and was acting out more often. I was so upset bc I felt like I came home from the hospital and he was a different child. ( he’s 2) he was always amazing with his brother that wasn’t an issue at all but the tantrums over little things were worse. I just stayed very calm, got down to his level and talked to him about what was wrong and how we can fix it together and we usually came to a compromise. I’m not the type to say “no, just bc I say so” I like to come to an agreement that works for us both and it always ended the tantrums super quick. 
I’ve also learned to pick and choose my battles:joy:
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Its hard he still doesn’t listen to no but I talk to him just like his big sister and it has helped a lot he would cry and I tell him he has to calm down and tell me what he needs so I can help… But when I say no he just looks at me and smiles and does exactly what I told him not to do I have tried explaining to him why he can’t he give no care to if he will get hurt🤦 and he is crazy strong for his age
My son is 2 and is still somewhat non verbal he’s also in therapy for speech that’s just one of his therapy. But speech therapy has definitely helped. Also get him to point at what he wants and tell him to show you.
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They grow out of that stage, but honestly. You’re the parent. He’s gonna throw tantrums as kids do. But he’ll only continue with behaviors you allow him to get away with. If he throws a tantrum. Let him do it in his room. Kids are like sponges, and the behaviors he learns and is exposed to before age 5. He’ll know for the rest of his life.
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Small children throw tantrums because big feelings don’t fit in little bodies. So you can either beat him in to submission or you can try to understand his issues. He cannot say what it is, so help him find a way to communicate and cope. If you do, he will grow up to be a better person who doesn’t see violence as the answer.
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Toddler throw tantrums. You could try to learn to sign and teach him. It will give him a way to communicate with you. Just a thought.
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Lol I know all to well to be honest. Just had baby 7 weeks ago and my 20 mont old is 36 inches or more now and 32 or more lbs now. Size 4 clothes and 6 diapers 
. I focused on the look in my eyes and simple questions. As for the tantrums I have my two older kids for help . . Once baby comes toddlers tend to regress a little bit they also learn no skills . It is amazing
I mean these comments.
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More activities worked for us at that age. Bonding time, reading, drawing. Being on a routine helps calm them down. It’s honestly just a phase, and he’ll grow out of it eventually. My daughter is 4, and we have such a special connection now. When she was 2-3 toddler stage, I felt like I was drowning. I completely understand!! Don’t give up!! They’re is light at the end of the tunnel. Time outs worked for us, just important to be consistent with it.
Just so ya know, that type of personality ain’t just a “boy mom” thing. You sound like you’re describing my oldest DAUGHTER… all kids are different. Learn to adapt. When the third one gets here it’s not gonna get easier
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Okay so my daughter is also two and is extremely strong willed. When she wants something done she will find a way to get it done. The best thing to do is put yourself in a toddlers perspective, are they bored? Are they annoyed they aren’t getting what they want? Is he just hitting a growth spurt and trying to test his limits? (This is my first and she is a handful at times) Positive reinforcements, such as snacks or screen time. Sometimes it’s better to take a step back and watch, see exactly what will happen and sometimes just let him rule the house so to speak. I find that helps with my strong willed toddler the most. Mine just wants to show independence and I try to allow that growth as much as I can.
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Going through it with my little. Trying so hard to gentle parent because I want her to trust me. It can be so draining some days. I think that they are trying to assert their independence because they are trying to figure themselves out and how to do things. I try to give her lots of choices (ex: do you want the red or blue cup, this makes them feel independent) and be patient. Also offer lots of hugs because lots of the defiance comes from her being frustrated. At times of my own frustration, I remind myself why I’m doing things the way I am and that it will pay off when she’s older.
Deep pressure activities helped us a lot. Crawling around, jumping on the trampoline, rough housing with dad spread all throughout the day, especially after meals.
Another thing we used was The Wilbarger Protocol (also referred to as brushing therapy) is often a part of a sensory integration or sensory therapy program. It involves brushing the body with a small surgical brush throughout the day. Followed by simple joint compressions. This reduced the amount of and severity of his tantrums.
Every kid has different needs and our pediatrician is who lead us to appropriate help for my son.
Reach out to your pediatrician if they can’t help maybe they can point you in the right direction
Read how to talk so little kids will listen, lots of helpful tips in there
Sounds like he’s a little jealous of the new one are you including him in the new arrival excitement and he is very important to you 
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I put my son in therapy and took parenting classes. Helped us a lot. He has ADHD and Asperger’s.
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Consistency. And, no matter what, YOU have to remain in control, as hard as that can be sometimes! Redirecting sometimes works. Just not with all kids. But when it does, it’s awesome!
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From experience my mom would get a belt and you be surprised how fast you could straighten up . I turned out ok 4 great kids wonderful wife great life and still to this day I know I have boundaries or consequences.
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Learn sign language. Very effective on toddlers who cannot communicate verbally yet. Get his sister involved, too. Hope this helps and good luck!
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Get the book Strong Wiled Child or Dreamer," it made me see that the Child I thought was ferociously strong willed was really just seeing the world from a viewpoint differd6from mine. Changed my life, our relationship and helped me allow my child to be who God made him to be.
How bout a strong willed teenager 
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Try giving him a really good hug as you’re talking to him and trying to calm him down. So far , it’s seems to help me when my 6 year old grandson is getting so upset. Usually it’s because he gets so frustrated . He’s also Autistic. A good hug seems to help both of us.
There is a book called THE STRONG WILLED CHILD. By Leo Buscaglia. That book will save you. I had a very strong willed one. The pastor called me to his office and gave it to me. Now I want u to know it’s like breaking a wild horse. It’s very hard on you. So.e of the methods seem unorthodox because this child is walking all over you. But if u dont do it now by the time they r in middle school it will be worse. This child is going to require a lot of your attention. At least for a while. Good luck I’m here if u need a coach. Dont dilerate buy book tommorrow. Oh no tantrums. That has to stop. No mommy playing against daddy u must be a United front that’s very important. Shes a mom now has 2 of her own. She didnt listen (oh go figure) and shes paid the price. She works supports herself. But still a handful. But every once in a while I see a glimpse of her training. And I dont wanna her it terrible twos. You know I. Your gut it’s more. Always listen to the.gut.
Figure out the best way to negotiate with them. It will be a lifelong personality and when you try to impose rules they will fight you. So negotiations
It may not be you. My son was recently diagnosed with a non verbal learning disability. Seeking an expert and having him evaluated was exhausting and frustrating and all the other emotions, but when they explained his reasons for soing things it all clicked like a puzzle, everything made sense. We have bad days still for sure, but we have had many better days. I would athis you g age start with counseling, at his age it will mostly be for you and will be a bigger help than you know in learning how to cope with the peovlems you are having.
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Consistency. You have to Be consistent. Always with a strong willed child. Show no weakness. You are at war!!!
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Going into independence stage allow more time for getting things done because he probably wants to do things himself. I always gave my kinds to choices - pick one of them . Or mommy chooses .
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Watch the nanny episodes on YouTube, not the Fran Drescher show, the real life tv show of a British lady who helps parents with unruly children of all ages. Good luck.
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Let them know what you told them is happening, is happening. Their only choice is to throw a tantrum and then do what you told them or do what you told them and then do some thing fun. There is no arguing with a toddler, you are the boss.
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Yes, she only does things on her time to her decision. She’s 15 and has not changed from being a toddler. Everything has to bet her idea. Ugh. Freshman year was a huge struggle.
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Check out his diet, as this can play a big part in behavior problems. Sugar, food colouring are one of the worst… Have rules and routine. And when they are throwing a tantrum, Don t make it a battle between you and him. Take him hold him and cuddle him, tell him you love him. Don’t show aggression to aggression.
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Put him in a room with nothing in it. Allow him to have his tantrum. When he is done talk with him to where he can understand. Have him express what is bothering him in his own way. I did this with my nephew and niece (4&2) the more you let him know you will not to talk him until he calms down the less tantrums he’ll have. It won’t happen overnight. Just be consistent… good luck.
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Kids need structure…schemed time for everything gs…rules…they need it…makes them feel secure knowing how long something is hoping to last and whats next. Play time is also learning time. Always supervised…never be busy not looking at them…be involved with them…they love building things…dinosaurs and construction equipment…naps are essential
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I had the very same, drove us to the limit. Hated school Now a successful mild mannered but determined 30 yr old. Has own PT fitness. Just about to become a dad.
I wish I could provide some advice. But I don’t know what the hell happened.
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I had the same situation, I was pregnant and also had an 18 month old. One thing for sure, I expected my 18 month old to act like a grown up and understand that I was pregnant and tired. It doesn’t work like that; give him time, try to understand him, offer lots of hugs, kisses and reassurances. He may not be able to talk but he understands what’s going on. Good luck❤
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I watched my grandchildren throw tantrums. You have to expect tantrums for every child and go with your gut instinct every child is different. A wise old stepmother told me one time. (“If a child was meant to act like an adult, they would have been born an adult.!”) I followed Dr. Spock and I recommend his book. My mother preferred a cold of glass water to stop a tantrum. "Terrible twos are. hard to get through. “Don’t take other people’s advice unless it’s grandma”
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I read all these and I guess I’m a terrible mom by today’s standards. Tried all these things then went to counseling as I didn’t want to hurt my child, but something had to give. Counselor told me to take a cup of water and throw it in her face, doesn’t hurt the kid, just startled her and I only had to do it twice, after that I just threatened to get the water and we were able to calm down and work things out.
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Has to have limits enforced. You the boss not him. Work/play that energy off. Mom of two great thirty year old men. Nip them tantrums now.
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Stop letting him eat food with red dye 40 it made a big difference in my great grandsons behavior
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You give him a warning, second time take things away, third time put him in timeouts, or fourth time you spank his butt
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Something I learned over the years never pit your will against a child’s. Their brain is not developed enough to reason and the outcome is always sad.
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Im going through the same my first son now 18 was so easy my 2 year old oh my goodness he test me every min of the day he is a late talker too he says about 5 words and i think he just gets frustrated more than anything but he is a stinker if its standing he’ll knock it over if its knocked over he’ll throw it and he has now started to go stiff and just fall no matter where he is it is the scariest sh*t ever but hopefully theres light at the end of the tunnel i do love his kisses out of nowhere and the laughs and especially when he is sleeping hes an angel so enjoy the good and have patience through the rough 
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One thing i did with my 2 1/2 yo son when i was 6 months pregnant. Realized our friends were always talking about the baby, so we made a scrapbook together. We cut out pics in magazines of anything to do w toddlers doing things and babies. Took time each day together and he learned what to expect, plus talked about all the big boy stuff he and the big girl stuff your dsughter can do that the baby cant do
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I had a toddler who’s temper was so bad he would hold his breath until he passed out. As soon as he passed out he started to breathe and he would wake up. The doctor said you can can ignore it or you can punish but whichever you do be consistent. I chose to lay him down on the floor in his room to wake up. In a few minutes he would wake up and pull himself together and come out of his room and act like nothing happened. I acted the same way.
My son is now a40 year old gentleman but when he was 2 OMG his pediatrician told me to get a book called Dealing With The Difficult Child it changed so many things. Won’t hurt to try
First off cut his dietary intake before he starts using his size & things get out of hand
He is most likely getting vibes from you, he is just different from the little girl, and maybe feels a little left out,give him time he is still a baby as well.
My sister told me about a new approach call “time in.”She works with kids. Google it,
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A little one can be a handful but remember…if he/she thinks they are in charge at this young age, what will they be like when they’re 10?
Why does he throw a tantrum? Why give into a tantrum to begin with?
Get a squirt gun when he throws a tantrum just give him some water
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Stay strong don’t back down no is no. Keep sitting him in time out. Be strong
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Boys will be boys. Try to just enjoy the memories … Maybe some day you both can sit back and laugh
Try and work with him . No Matter what you will not be able to break his spirit. You work with it .
Walk away if he’s throwing a tantrum. Most of the time, they’re for attention. Calmly tell him that when he’s done and ready to speak with you, you’ll be waiting and ready. Continue working on communication and, if you can, add pictures to places to help with communication.
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Ignore tantrums. Try to communicate about it after it passes.
When my daughter started acting out and having meltdowns no matter where we were at home or in public I would drop everything and sit cross legged and have my daughter sit on my lap as I held her in a bare hug and I would tell her that I’m not going to stop holding her till she stopped. It worked. She only had 3 major meltdowns, after that nothing. Yeah I got dirty looks from people but its not their situation and not their kid. As long as my daughter and I were both safe that’s all that mattered. Always have a clear mind and not one of anger when you do this cause the kids will struggle and kick and bite but you gotta not acknowledge the biting and kicking just hold them tight and tell them you wont let go till they calm down.
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I understand you don’t make deals with terrorists
Speak to your Dr for advice.
Find his pain button and mash it hard and as frequently as needed.
- “No” has to mean no without exception, no equivocation and no negotiation.
- Tantrums can’t me tolerated. He does that to get attention. Do not give it to him. Put him in time out or send him to his room.
- Communicate your expectationons. Tell him how a good boy acts in any situation before you go there.
Be firm. Good luck.
I am reading all these posts, hmmmm. A 2 year old is a exactly that “2”. I have 3 grown boys and taught pre-school ages2-4. You deal with a strong willed child in 2 ways. Re-direct. Also when they are doing well positive reinforcement . Example: child is running around you as you make dinner. Give him plastic bowls and a few wood spoons. Do it to the side. As you cooking “ stir in now Johnny”. Again 2 is 2.
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Give yourself time out. Tell him mom needs time out to rest. Give him an activity he enjoys doing for a 30 minute break. You must take the time on a scheduled time.
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Dr. James Dobson wrote a wonderful book on this called “The Strong Willed Child.”
A whooping might help .
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Be consistent. Follow through… Out stubborn him. And reinforce positively.
Children seek attention. Either positive or negative? Don’t compare him to his siblings. ( He will feel all that).
You want him to thrive on positive reinforcement. Not negative. It will form his actions for a long long time.
It will take your strength and keep calm. Don’t raise your voice. Nip bad behavior in the bud.
I raised 5 kidos… Take care of you. Handle him calmly but sternly. He gets his energy from you!!
All kids are different I have six and they all are very different
Omg lady, your the parent! Take control of him! And ya gonna have 2 now!?!?!?! Good luck
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Spank his ass and stop being so afraid to do so! Start disciplining!