So a mom who has bonus (step) children. How do you handle decision-making? I have a bonus son who I’ve helped raise since he was five months old (raised him for almost four years). My husband and I always butt heads because every time it comes time to make a decision dealing with his son, he thinks it’s his say and won’t take my opinion into account or anything. But I have a son from a previous relationship, and when it comes to him, we make decisions together. Every time we get into an argument about a decision needing to be made dealing with his son, he always throws up that that’s his son, not mine. I get so frustrated and hurt and try to tell him multiple times how that makes me feel since I’ve helped raise him for four years and am the sole person who takes him to his appointments and everything, but yet He acts like I’m just a babysitter when it comes to my bonus son.
Then start charging him to watch HIS son maybe his tune will change
Make him realize how much you do. Stop doing it. It’s HIS son, bring that up next time there are appointments and things. If he has to shoulder it all alone he might wake up to all you do for them, if not…Ask yourself how long you want to keep on down that road.
Also stop letting him make decisions about your son as that is YOUR son. Let him see how it feels. Why let him affect you and your child when he acts like you merely babysit his when it should be a joint parental effort with BOTH. (Step or not)
Nacho. I see a lot live by that nowadays. Nacho kid, nacho business. A lot of stepmoms who have went by nacho after having issues have been happier. I mean that in the nicest way. Maybe if you go by nacho he’ll realize what he’s doing wrong or it may work for y’all. You can still do things friend like wise, but this group explains better without it being toxic.
Nacho Kids: The Blended Family Lifesaver
I can’t be with someone who can’t treat my children like theirs and I won’t be with someone who won’t let me be that part for them plain and simple. Kids tell the differences trust me. Its toxic.
If you get no say with his son then he gets no say with yours. If setting that boundary ticks him off more you’re dealing with a narcissist and it’s never going to change because he doesn’t respect you. In all honesty I don’t know how much more proof you need that he neither respects you nor finds any value in your parenting or opinions. I would redirect my efforts to taking care of my baby and leave him to care for his own. Then when you finally realize you can do better without the dead weight you’ll leave because deep down you know you’re worth so much more than what he’s offering right now. Otherwise you wouldn’t turn to social media for confirmation of what you already know deep down. He doesn’t value you and you deserve an equal partner to parent your children with.
I would not be able to be with someone like that. You raise his child as if he was your own, so you should be allowed to make parenting decisions and give punishments as needed. I do understand there are some things that should just be handled by dad and bio mom, but… Anything under your roof, should involve your input! As much as it may kill you, you should give him an ultimatum, otherwise it sounds like nothing will change. And if that doesn’t work, you may want to leave becuz you will never feel differently and you will resent him. You won’t be happy.
You need to tell him straight that you have helped raise his child for 4 years along with raising your own, you have let him have a say when it comes to your child but as soon as you have a opinion about his child it’s totally disregarded as if you don’t matter! your relationship won’t last long if he keeps being so rude and disrespectful.
He needs to start taking your opinion into consideration especially when you have helped raise his child as your own… he is still treating you as if you don’t get a say because his child isn’t biologically yours, you are the step-mother and you do get a say because your married and if he isn’t going to acknowledge that then what’s the point in being married?
He needs a good talking to in how much you do for him and how much you have helped and you don’t appreciate how much disrespect he is giving you.
Make Eye Contact and say ,
That wouldn’t fly with me. He needs to realize that you are choosing that child.
Then I’d definitely stop all that asap! Your not a babysitter and if he doesn’t believe in you and your ability to coparent for both children equally then his mi d is bend and the children will suffer in the end. This needs to be addressed asap . Family counseling would be a great idea. Until he allows mutual respect and decision making I’d stop all care for this child. Not to sound rude. And of course Don’t be rude to the kiddo because obviously you love this child. But your partner needs to see all of what you are responsible for doing on the daily and how many decision you already make with out his input or knowledge. He must feel threatened or having some issues time to get it outa him before you marry him if you haven’t already.
Good luck.
It’s his son then make him care for his son
Just tell him that it’s not a competition, nor does he 'own the kid. …He should know by now that you know what you are doing…he’s giving his boy entitlement lessons, and that will end up in tears. Best wishes, don’t accept any more nonsense…
So just tell him that he is not included in desisions tht come to ur son
Dr. Phil says you’re basically an actual parent if you start taking care of them by the age of 5 I think. You helped take care of him since he was 5 months old, I feel you have some say in things. Just my opinion though 
Oh wow, I’d be so MAD if that were my husband. He brought me 2 bonus kids to raise so you best believe I’m their Mom & he has to respect my opinion, even if he doesn’t agree with it. Biology alone doesn’t make a parent… being there for the child & nurturing them as their primary caretaker does!
Mother of two bonus daughters and we make decisions together. This cannot continue if you want this marriage to last. Soon he will get old enough to understand what is going on and he will use that to his advantage ( pitting you against each other). I would let your husband know that you ARE his mother because you do everything his mother would and you care for him like his mother would therefore you get to have a say when it comes to things about your bonus son. If he doesn’t like it then divorce him. It will only get worse the older bonus son gets unless this is dealt with now before he can understand.
Yikes. 
Go to marriage counseling. He needs to hear from a third party that he’s being an unreasonable ass. 
Yep my man and i fought for a couple years over his son. And honestly. If it wasnt for me. Hed be letting his son still run all over him ( his sons mother agrees with me 99 percent of time) but the past yearish we havent really fought about his son. And we make decisions together. Ultimately he has final say but my opinion is taken into consideration. And generally we come to an agreement. You guys need to do this as well or you will always always bump heads
He’s such an ingrate! Stop doing everything for the boy until he réalisés how much sacrifice you make to love the boy. Let his brain and sense reset before you start including the boy in your time and planning again. And don’t let him make decisions about your son so he knows how that feels.
He’s so so an ingrate 
Throw it back at him when he wants to parent your son tell him that my son and I say what’s best for him see if he likes it. You let him parent his kid on his own and when 
hits the fan you don’t help him
You are not blood and technically by law you should not even be doing Dr vists
Do same in return…with your child his word or opinion doesn’t matter. Fair game.
I would say “why do you run things by me if you don’t care what I think?”
Then whenever he asked me to do something for his son I would say "he’s not mine, he’s yours. You do it " stop confusing the kid. If his dad don’t want you to be a mother to him in any capacity, he just needs to leave you alone about it period.
Then maybe he should be the one taking care of him more than you. He can do the doctors appointments and all that if that’s how he’s gunna act. Thats absolutely not okay, and pretty shitty for a partner to not even acknowledge your feelings towards this. And maybe tell him to not put his 2 cents in when it comes to making the decisions for your child from the other relationship. Decisions should be made together because you are suppose to be a team. But he’s not being a team player it sounds like. I’m sorry your going through this and that he’s not acknowledging how you feel.
I’d leave. My partner has 4 children from a previous relationship. I had 2, decisions about his children are made the same way decisions about my children are. There are complications because we only have his half the time and he worries of were too hard on them they might not want to come here (at their mother’s house there is no rules at all) but I litterally turned around and said “I understand that, and I’m sorry but if my children see that we treat your children differently to how we treat them they’ll grow up resenting us.” I treat them all exactly the same, my partners soft and ignores when his children are being naughty (jumping on furniture, hurting the younger kids) and I step in and I tell them off just as I do when it’s my own children being naughty. His children are on game consoles all day at their mother’s and he’d allow them to here but I have time limits and give extra for good behaviour for.my children so (much to their annoyance) they get the same time as my own children and can earn extra. If my partner doesn’t like it he can leave but there is no way I’m treating any child under my care any different than I do ant others.
I have this exact issue and it’s making me crazy the “just tell him…” isnt gonna fly…u “just tell” someone something they dont wanna hear how does that go for u?
Bless your 
. Kudos to all of you that are good sports with stepkids you are stronger than me. You are supermom. Is very unsettling being in charge of a kid that wont listen/gets to play the step card all the time i just couldnt do it (am talking reasonable boundaries im very gentle with kids). Sounds to me like this child is lucky to have you. Steps should be expected to respect your wishes if they live with you just like you expect from your kids. Any diff wouldnt be fair to your kids. Tell your man this logic can be mentally damaging to the kids. Any of them
The exact same as I would my other children.
It is his say, but when you bring your child around we want them to be in the family and that means all kids are treated the same. If he doesn’t like it and dictates what’s what then see your son somewhere else sir because your child isn’t going to learn to disrespect me because you don’t think I should tell him off or treat him etc because he isn’t my bio child.
So stop doing anything for him. Let his dad do all of it. Dr, school, discipline, etc. Don’t mistreat him, just don’t do anything. Let your husband know everything he asks you to do it, remind him he’s not your son. He’s his.
He’s never going to change feeling that way. If he hasn’t shit his pants, you’re not going to change him. Stop trying.
Yeah that’s common but not acceptable. You need to sit down and talk about it, get in the same page. If that doesn’t work, then tell him you control your son and I’ll control mine (if that makes sense) 
I’m an evil step mum too 
Wow how sad that ur husband has this attitude. smh
Depends, is it only handling discipline you want to get involved in or are you wanting to make the decisions for the good too like grades, chores and those kids just needing some positive reinforcement when they’re doing good. Just asking because it should go both ways.
He sounds controlling in the parenting decisions. If he doesn’t want you to help make decisions regarding his son, then he had no business introducing you into the kids life and raising him. It’s not fair to the kid or you. You are stepping up trying to help be a parent to him. When you are committed to a person with kids, they become a part of your life as well. You should be able to have input and opinions on decisions.
Talk to him. He’s basically treating you as a nanny for his son, you do the nurturing and taking him to drs and just following what he says to do.
Again, when you get married to a person with kids, they become your responsibility as well. It’s a package deal. If he doesn’t like that, he should go find someone who is okay with him being in charge of everything and all the choices that need to be mad.
When he says MINE, you correct him by saying OURS. It’ll sink in
Same happened to me so we are both staying in our homes an stay over sometimes. He’s He’s two baby mommas an two kids an I have one child an daddy left when he was little. Gets mad all the time cause my son isn’t like his kids. I don’t act like I work for the army like he does it’s annoying honestly. We are working on it maybe looking into family therapy
Family counseling, ASAP. Sometimes you need a professional to help solve boneheadedness.
I was with someone for almost ten years with 2. Ther mom was in the picture though so that might have had something to do with it but I had no say in anything really unless I was the one soley watching them. We had one and it got more complicated because of multiple reasons. But with my fiance I let him help me make the decisions, we have him full time expect every weekend other weekend and one day out of the every other. I think it helps that I was in his shoes before though.
That is still his son and you should stop questioning his parenting.
I wouldn’t be letting him make decisions about your son and I would tell him if he just sees you as the babysitter then he can start making arrangements to take “his” son to his appointments and so on.
If you set yourself up to oppose your partners parenting you’ll be lucky if he leaves you. Otherwise the kid will resent you forever
Communication and boundaries need to be set when both of you are calm and there is no conflict going on. If he still takes the stance that he currently is taking, then You may have to set a boundary that he takes care of “his son” on all levels. Appointments, childcare etc. He can’t have it both ways. It will only sow a seed of anger and resentment and that can ruin your relationship.
Unfortunately the child will suffer in this situation. He has a dumbass for a father who sounds to me like he is the definition of a narcissist. You’ve got a couple of options, you can continue to do for this child, raise him, be his “momma”, love him as your own along with putting up with his dumbass father or you can wise up and realize he’s not going to change and leave him. Either way it doesn’t end well for you or the child, but I can assure you that you’ll be much happier.
My bonus kids I consider mine, the good and the bad. My husband and I have 6 kids none together and every single one is treated the same. Step parents in general usually get a bad wrap honestly and it’s frustrating as long as u are treating that kid as your own with no I’ll intent then he has some issues and it’s not gonna change.
Babysitters get paid…I’d tell him start forking over $20 an hour if that’s how he feels…Tell him from now on you will have a clock in time and clock out time and that doesn’t include all the appts, clothes shopping etc…and you expect to be paid weekly…
Your husband is an a-hole sorry. You are good enough to take him to appointments and pretty much be the mom but only when it’s convenient for him. He should be praising and thanking you.
Then you should make decisions about your son and do the same to him. My 1st stepmom called all the shots and my dad didn’t get a say so about any decisions towards me, i was also 17 at the time. But you cant have your cake and eat it too! I would pack up and leave!
Not acceptable and I would tell him when there are appointments for him it’s not my son. Go forward dont include him in decisions with your son . But I would he hurt since you have been in his life all this time
So make it a point to where he no longer “parents” your child. He is judge jury and executioner apparently so make it a point its only for his kid. He can take him to the doctors, school, take care of him when he is sick, bathe feed clean up after etc. I have never been in this situation specifically but I have a step mom myself and I’ve seen her and my dad struggle with this. My sis and I are my dads, she has two that aren’t my dads and they have one together. They have been together 12 years married for 1. And I see the frustration that my dad gets when my step mom reminds him that the other two aren’t his and he can’t parent them the same way. I feel as if step mom has gotten better about this but i can see the frustration because they were 7 and 1 when they came into our dads and ours life, so he helped raise them their entire childhood.
My so did the samething until I made him be the one that had to do everything I did for his, like all his transportation to and from sports, school, friends, any and all appointments. While I maintained mine he could deal with his. He changed his tune real quick. It either OURS as a a family or his n hers. I let him decide, and since I was a stay at home mom it was easier for me to do all that, he quickly learned and respected my position
There’s really not enough information here. I hate to be “that” person but when it comes to family Dynamics there’s a lot of relevant factors.
*Who has primary custody of your step son? What’s in the parenting plan? You would be surprised about some of the “fine print” that can go into parenting plans. But one thing that’s typically standard (and rarely actually done) is consistency between homes agreed upon by bio mom and bio dad.
If the decisions you’re trying to make counteract the decisions that the bio parents have made together I could actually see where that might be a problem…or could cause a problem for dad with bio mom that doesn’t need to exist.
*Do you have primary or sole custody of your bio child? Meaning is parenting your discretion? If so it makes more sense that he would have some say in parenting your child.
*What is he specifically not wanting you to make decisions about? What is the age differences between your children? If they’re in different age categories and you’re trying to treat them exactly the same, I could see how that may be an issue. My own two kids are 4 years apart and in different age categories. It would be ridiculous to have the exact same expectations and exact same consequences for them both.
It’s also important to recognize that children are different. My two are complete opposites in the best way to approach them.
My oldest needs to “walk it off” when he gets upset and my youngest needs contact comfort.
I’m not saying what he’s doing is right no matter why he’s doing what he’s doing, the lack of real communication is an issue.
Any relationship is built on communication and can only last through communication.
I think once you both cool off you need to have a real conversation. You need to both talk openly and honest…and you both need to listen to the other.
If he cannot/will not do that, then you parent your child and don’t ask for his opinions citing the same reason…but do NOT make decisions in regards to your child just based on it being what he wouldn’t want. You just do what’s best for your child.
This should definitely be a last resort, it could cause more issues before it solves anything.
One of the many reasons step moms Nacho. Let the child’s parents ‘parent’ and stop being there for dad’s double standard. Next time he needs a babysitter tell him to hire one since he has no respect for you and is teaching his child not to as well.
He would be figuring out how to take HIS son to where he needs to be and would be having zero say so in the decisions I make for mine. As a married couple it should not be like this…. It’s only going to get worse and cause major fights as the child gets older.
Why don’t you just let him make the decisions when it comes to his son? You can give your opinion, but he gets the final say. Just like you get the final say, when it comes to your child.
I’m petty- I’d stop taking care of his son 
tell him either you’re all in or not at all, he can’t have it both ways.
Time to NACHO
NACHO child so let him 100% parent his child, needs to go to an appointment, sorry honey it’s not my kid remember guess you better take him, needs laundry NACHO child guess he better do his laundry, needs to go to school? Nacho kid guess he better take him. Just nacho his ass til he can’t take it and he will soon realize you ARE a part of these decisions.
Let him take over and do all the work since he’s not “your son”. Which in my opinion- he is your son since you raised him with your husband. We’ll see what he does then.
Also- I’m in the same situation but reversed, my husband has been raising my daughter since she was 4, I let him make decisions of course, but he always runs it by me first, and to my daughter that’s her daddy and I’d never say he isn’t, your husband is wrong for that.
Is the child’s mom involved? If so, it would be up to the mom and dad to make decisions regarding their son.
You’ve raised him most of his life, he’s your son too.
Do you guys have full custody? Is bio mom in the picture? Are there issues with her? If that’s the reason and he is trying to keep the peace then I could understand but he still needs to have your back in front of his son or he will grow up not respecting you. But if Bio Mom is not the issue and he is involved in making decisions for YOUR son then you should be involved in making decisions for HIS son. But I would make him do EVERYTHING for HIS son. All appointments and all care. Tell him he is no longer your responsibility and your son is no longer his responsibility. He can’t expect you to care for him and raise and do all the things for him and not have an input into how he is being raised.
Treat him the same way. Give him no say in raising your son, and stop taking your bonus son to appointments and caring for him. He’s using you for childcare but doesn’t think you should make decisions?
Ok, stop helping & don’t involve him in your son’s life.
You have to make a stand if talking isn’t working.
So, don’t ask him about your son & remind him how this works. 
I would tell him that it’s fine that he makes all the decisions about his son. And since he doesn’t value your opinion about his son, you’re going to step away totally. No more making food for him, no more baths, no more physical care or tending to him. Then, let him know that you will be making all the decisions about your son.
Tell him your son then I wash my hands you raise him.Keep out of my kids business. X
If you’re good enough to take his kid everywhere, and help provide, you should have a say so with discipline…it’s not a 1 way street. It’s either you get an equal say or he does for his son and you for yours.
Don’t get pregnant with his child
He doesn’t value your opinion on regards to his son…? Stop offering it. You are a bonus grown up that offers the stability in the years you’ve been there. No matter the marital or living status. You can support him and disagree on how to handle the boy. But y’all should try to agree on some boundaries in regard to how it affects life. Hugs. None of that is easy.
I definitely think you should be making decisions together for your house. Obviously it’s his decision in the end but you live there and are married so your opinion matters. When he has appointments tell him you are not taking his kid. Definitely let him know in advance so in the end the kid is not punish but if he wants to treat you like a babysitter then he doesn’t get those conveniences
Yeah that’s a no for me. My husband has been raising my son since he was 6 months old. He’s now 8yrs old. my son is my husbands son. There is no my child or your child. Yeah no. If that was the case then why be in a relationship. When it comes to ALL of our kids we make decisions together.
I have 3 kids (1 biological daughter (14 year old girl) and 2 bonus kids (11 year girl and 10 year boy)) (me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years). My bonus kids have been living with us for almost 2 years now. Before when they lived with their biological mother I didn’t get much say because they was only here on the weekends. I would tell him my opinion but my boyfriend was the one who discipline his kids for the most part. I would get after them if it’s something that I knew they wasn’t supposed to do or something that was common sense. When it came to my biological daughter we both would agree to discipline after we had moved into his house. After we got them full time that we decided I would be a stay home mom (covid hit so the kids were home school/virtual learning) and take care of the kids. Shortly after we got them full time they would cause me and my boyfriend to fight because they wouldn’t listen to me and etc. I told him if he wanted to fight with me about disciplining his kids then he can find someone else to watch them and take care of them. After having them for about a half a year they started listening and doing what they was supposed to because my boyfriend didn’t want to quit this job and he has no one else who can watch the kids and get them up and ready for school. He would get after them every time we would fight about them. (The reason we got them to begin with is their mother decided she couldn’t handle their daughter and wanted to ship her away to a psych ward or for us to pick her up. Their daughter had a melt down after coming home to see their mom with a rope around her neck and when my bonus daughter asked their mom to take it off their mom put a dog collar one and walked/crawled outside to the mailbox with her boyfriend/now husband. My bonus daughter was crying and even sat in the road saying someone please kill me We said she wasn’t going there and coming with us and their son didn’t want to be away from his sister so he came with. Their mother decided to leave state to travel the west coast with her boyfriend who she married while traveling and didn’t tell the kids until after being married for 2 months). With all this being written you should have the right to say what goes on in your bonus kid’s life since you been in their life for 4 years.
Oof been there done that and will never do it again!!!
I personally wouldn’t be able to deal with someone that did their best to point out I wasn’t the parent.
If it’s only up to him for his kid but both of you for yours do you really wanna be with someone who doesn’t see you as team a family.
We coparent with ex and his spouse. For big decisions that affect both houses, we have a 4 vote system. If someone steps up to raise them, we should all be able to have a say. I’m BM.
Join nacho kids fb group. I found it very helpful with these situations
Dont help him anymore
Since it’s “his son” quit being the nanny. By the way you talk. Sounds as if it’s all he needs you for till his son is grown.
Yall need marriage counseling.
Does the bio mom have any issues with you disciplining him? Sometimes that is also an issue that feeds out into the step parent/bio parent parenting relationship. My fiancé and I equally parent our kids together, and my bonus son’s (his son) bio mom has an issue with me trying to be involved any which way in his life, except for when it’s convenient for her.
Sit down with him, and have a lengthy discussion to see if there’s any external influence. But also discuss that you both need to be on the same page with parenting rules across the board.
Maybe use sports analogy on him, tell him that if his son has entered “free agency” that he’ll be needing a new coach, good nannies are hard to find but he might luck out and get one for 15 bucks an hour
Then reverse the roles see how he likes the shoe on his foot if the boot fits wear it don’t let him parent your son anymore and tell him that if you can’t parent both kids together then you can do it separately how he handles his son is his business and how you handle yours is your business now see if he likes being told that because your son is yours he doesn’t get a day and if he agrees then let it be and if he doesn’t then tell him “Hmm now you see how I feel it’s frustrating isn’t it” and take the conversation from their either you both parent y’all’s children together or not at all that means no one should be spanking the other one’s child or disciplining the other one’s child period you’re either a team or your not and sooner or later he’ll see that it’s more difficult than he thought
Very wrong on his part . I’d suggest marriage counseling
Is the bio mother in the picture at all?
Honestly I went through this with my ex. He was never home so I pretty much raised his kids myself. I did literally everything. And he would come home and tell them I’m not their mom and they don’t have to listen to me. And he makes the rules. So it was a constant fight with him and the kids. I kept trying to tell him if I’m home and I’m doing everything I need to have a say. Or else they will disrespect me and never do as they are told. And I wasn’t hard in them. I had simple basic rules. Clean your room. Take out the trash. No eating anywhere except the kitchen. That was basically it. I ended up splitting up him then after a few months we got back together and it got better. He finally got on my side and we discussed anything about the kids that were large discipline issues. And all decisions we made together. But we’re not together anymore
I somewhat feel this way too but it has gotten better. I use to feel like a baby sitter but now i feel more like I’m just taking care of my kids. We got together when our first borns were about 2. We were together for 3 years, broke up, and 3 years later got back together and been back together for 2.5 years. Im not sure what changed. I voiced myself more and better. Sad thing is that my step son stopped calling me mom after we broke up and came back.
With my SO now. I’m raising his two with him. Mom not in the picture. And my son also. We make decisions together. But he backs me up on everything. And when it comes to my son we still make decisions together. But I usually am the one to make the final decision because I’m always home with the kids. And plus… my ex makes issues if my SO tries to parent our son so it does make it hard but we still do it together
They’re either mine or they not. I L:heart:VE WHOLE HEARTED. PISS ON HUBBY. 
Next time tell him he can’t decide when it comes to YOUR son because he’s YOUR son not his problem solved
Sometimes people only learn from experience and not words. Treat him how he treats you. His vote has no weight when it comes to yours. Stop being the “mom” to his son if he doesn’t see you as his partner in raising him. You’re not his free nanny anymore.
Id be telling him we are a family and that bounus child is part of it which makes him my child aswell. I would then say if you dont see him as our child then i guess you dont see us as a family so theirs the door
Next time there’s a decision to make about your son do what you want and if he says anything tell him your son, your decision. Some people only learn by giving them a dose of their own medicine. When he gets upset, ten him, now you know how I feel when it comes to decisions about (insert bonus child name).
Since he has these feelings you need to make him step up and take care of his son. Stop being the babysitter. Look into nacho.
Dont help anymore and he gets no say about your child.
Stop doing anything for the child. If your husband wants to keep saying it’s his child, make him take full responsibility for his son. And when it comes to your son, make the decisions yourself.
Look into Nacho Kids: The Blended Family Lifesaver
I feel like you can parent your child however you want to but can force someone else to do it how you prefer. If you chose to have him included in your decision making that is your choice and his is to make important decisions solo. Both are okay. Just let him do his thing and you can do yours. It’s not worth the stress. I came with a 1 year old when I met my husband and we have a son together. It I still primarily make all decisions for her. I will ask him if I want his opinion or ideas or something but untimely it’s me and he respects that. I wouldn’t be petty about it an make the kid suffer by “not doing anything for him anymore”. I can’t believe people are even suggesting that.
If you’re the one that does everything for him then I would reply, No thats MY son procreation doesn’t make you a parent raising, caring for, and loving the child does
Agree reverse… just lay it out, if thats how he feels then he has no say concerning your child and it also says you truly arent partners.