If he’s not willing to compromise or go to counseling then the relationship may possibly get worse. You can’t force someone if there’s no interest. They are all red flags.
I was with my first husband for 20 years and he was the same way, he will not change, you deserve better. It’s scary I know and I did it with young boys still to raise but I’m remarried now to a wonderful man that appreciates me and that’s what you deserve too.
He will never ever change and doesn’t think there is a problem., especially because he refuses to communicate about anything with you…it’s is not your job in life to just deal with him… cut your losses and run, run, run…
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I don’t understand why people get on here and ask about marriage … only you and your spouse can save your marriage . No one else . Know each other and your worths and keep it private .
He thinks it’s fine the next day but cheated on you so no everything is not fine & hasn’t been.
It takes two and if he isn’t willing to do his part it’s only going to get worse, you can’t let it kill you. You need to put up boundaries snd go to therapy alone because it’s better than nothing.
1 tactic is to try and lead by example. Give him your patience and when he is mean say patiently, “you can’t talk to me that way. This conversation is over, we can try again later.” Sometimes when both of you have established a relationship of fighting, you both, right away, go up for battle, teach him you’re not there to battle. Hopefully he will come around and get it but all you can do is try, you can’t make him.
At the end of the day you probably don’t want to lead a life of rigidity & anger. Try & be the person you want, you deserve to be happy with or without your husband joining you, he can choose to be miserable.
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He cheated, he’s unwilling to get therapy, and he’s unwilling to compromise. What part of this relationship is good and worth staying for?
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Not saying you should part, but sometimes you can love someone but not necessarily be together. Sometimes you are better off being friends than being in a relationship. You not only need to think about yourself as an individual, but if you want your kids to grow up knowing good behaviors when it comes to relationships then you and your husband need to be the leaders of that.
I’m in my second marriage. The first marriage, he cheated, lied and other things. Let me just say my marriage now is amazing. He communicates with me and knows how to make me feel good when I’m having a bad day. I never have to question him. All I have to say is from my previous experience, if they refuse to get counseling, they are no longer interested in keeping the marriage alive. If he’s having affairs, that won’t stop, it will just get worse. Don’t continue your life and marriage being confused, sad, and feeling of letting your kids down, they will understand. It’s time for you to be happy.
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I have read almost every comment and they are very good but the majority of men won’t agree to counseling because of their pride or they are too stubborn and think it’s fine to cheat because,”it’s just a MAN thing!”, but just ask him how would he feel if it was the other way around where the wife is the one cheating?, then their “MACHO MAN EGO!”, kicks in and they star saying that it’s different for a woman!! NO, it’s not different for a woman, it’s that us women are raised differently in regards to being faithful and unfaithful! Because,”men are men they don’t know how to say no, they need to prove their manhood or some dumb crap like that!” NO, if us women can respect our men and dedicate our lives to them faithfully, why can a MAN do the same? , I call it IGNORANCE!! I know that some the of people who will read my opinion will agree, others will disagree and I will respect that, but that’s how I think and feel about men or women that are unfaithful to their significant other!!
I would leave he is showing u he dont care
In my experience if someone isn’t willing to work toward change they wont change. It doesn’t happen overnight by miracle. Do u want to live this way your entire life or do u think u deserve more?
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It’s not going to work if it’s only you putting in the work. Get your ducks in a row.
If he won’t even invest an hour every other week to go to counseling he doesn’t care about your marriage and it’s time to move on with your life. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you. A lot of marriages dissolve around the 25 year mark. What exactly is he willing to do to fight for you? If not even counseling it sounds like nothing. I’m sorry.
Sadly it sounds like that relationship has run its course. If he can’t change and do 100 times better and at the bare minimum try to communicate with you, after cheating on you, he’s not the one.
If he does not dog therapy leave life is too short
Listen to you heart and always consider your well being. Is it really worth it to be in a relationship where you can’t trust again. Be happy for yourself and not your marriage. What’s goin to make You sparkle again. Think and then you"ll know
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If he did it once after all this time he will do it again. Split up for a little while. It’s not a divorce nothing is final till u sign. Take some time let him see what life is like without u. Hell u may not want to go back .
Read this back to yourself as if it was a strangers story. Would you tell them it’s worth saving? And by worth saving, that means that both people think so. It doesn’t stand a chance if only one person does, which is clearly the case here. He only sticks around because he knows you’re not going anywhere.
If he cared to save the marriage he would do whatever it took to help you move past the pain he has caused you.
Sounds like it’s time to let him go and make a new life for yourself.
Through this I never heard the word Love or Don’t want to be without him. Only we are both stubborn. Sit down and really think about what you really want. Not what friends and family will think but what makes your world really happy does he put a smile on your face. When his away do you think about him. No one know how you feel. Give it time make little dates to meet for coffee or to sit in the park. Talk about what you like to do. Go on weekend trip together most of all listen to him really listen.
Move on. Plain and simple. If you’re on here asking for advice, you already know the answer.
get rid of the whole man. simple. it maybe hard at first but, cheating and all of the other things? no way! 
You have to figure it out for yourself whether it’s worth it or not. only you can answer and figure out your own question…
Good luck and keep your head up!
When men retire it wrecks even the best marriages.
I’m not trying be negative but if he not willing do work it’s not gonna work. If he cheated once and not even willing to do what you need from him he will more likely cheat again. I’ve Bern there I was married almost 25 years…he cheated I forgave he did it again…and lot worse…its your choice how much your willing put up with but personally my peace and mental health is more important that some cheating man.
1 sided and totally personal. Did she get counseling or even try? Why is it on him to pick up the pieces and go home? On the other hand I don’t hear him asking the book for answers. 30 years and you don’t know your man well enough to actually talk about things? How do we know what you’ve done to him? Just a rant- he fucked around cuz your boring or he’s just not satisfied with you. Of course things go bland but for fucks sake take some credit for the bullshit.
You’ve been married or together for 30 yrs. You understand that the two of you have issues other than your husband’s infidelity. He doesn’t think you guys have problems, that tomorrow everything is fine. Counseling to him is stupid. So what is he willing to actually do to save your marriage? His payoff is he’s having his cake & eating it too. Meanwhile you’re unhappy. He has repeated some behaviors over the last 30 yrs. I think you already have your answer & know what you gotta do. Life is too short. You deserve to be happy, to have a fulfilled satisfied life