You can still likely celebrate your 29th birthday but a 1 year death anniversary is still fresh and still hurts deeply especially how close you are to the deceased.
Honestly I think youâre expecting to much considering itâs the year anniversary of his grandfather passing. As harsh as this might sound, it sounds like you intentionally planned it so theyâd have to choose.
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I donât do anything for my birthday. So I donât know how Iâd feel.
But they definitely could have called and said they werenât coming.
I also donât feel like the death anniversary should matter. They can do more than one thing in a day. Celebrate a life ended and celebrate a life still going. Itâs really not that hard.
Before yâall come at me both my grandfathers are dead. One just passed last year two days before Halloween but that didnât stop my family from celebrating Halloween at my grandmas. Sure youâll be sad but life goes on
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I think you have every right to be hurt. Because youâre nice, yes, they should be kinder & more considerate. You should just tell them how you feel. You do deserve better. A death date doesnât take away your birthday. If you help celebrate all of their bdays they should do the same for you. Sometimes family members are not nice.
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If you donât feel comfortable saying it, just donât have any more attempts at celebration with them. They obviously donât care about your feelings. It was exceedingly rude of them to fail to tell you they werenât coming. If your husband wonât be offended, i would stop gifting them as well. It makes me sad when my family doesnât celebrate but i just have my own little party with a good friend. You canât force people to love you, but you can love yourself. I am glad your own family came. My own family didnât say even say âHappy birthdayâ to me ever. I thought i was adopted and unwanted 
. I always gave gifts to my Mom, Dad and Aunt. Also to my older sister. I also did a lot of work at the homes of my Mom and Aunt. Iâm 74 now, with children, grandchildren and great grandchildren . Those past things donât matter to me now, i know i am loved. I did my part to gift them and if they didnât gift me, that was their choice. Love is what it is all about, but it should not be one sided. 
. God bless with whatever you do.
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Sis they just showed you who they were your birthday is only special to you. So you give them the same energy back when people show you themselves believe them.
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Birthdays ARE special enjoy it. Its probably best they didnt come. Always take note of those things and build your âarmyâ accordingly. Ive made big ajustments in my life based off of moment just like this. Its what they do not what they say that says it all.
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God I spoil my best friends, my kids, my husband. And birthdays I like to make special for my in laws
Itâs not about gifts no but I enjoy making people feel loved and special on that one day⌠just me.
Maybe the birthday celebrations can be moved over a week to make it easier for them.
Losing both my mum and Dad I know that those dates are very sensitive days for me, days I will look to those closest to me for comfort. To cry, to drink⌠I will make sure I see my big brotherâŚ
From someone who has lost a parent, Iâm sure your MiL (or fil) was hurting, itâs the one year anniversary of her fathers death. The one year anniversary is a very tough milestone. I understand it was your birthday but I would possibly take a step back being that it was on the 1 year, give it another and say something like Iâm sorry we missed you on my birthday, Iâm sure it was a tough day for you. Sometimes growing a year older means gaining some perspective. Who knows maybe the reason you didnât get a call is because they tried to leave the house to come and she broke down and couldnât bring herself to go out the door- maybe not- but my point is that we never know what someone is going through.
Hoping next year you have a better birthday but Iâm glad you did get to spend it with your side of family
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Usually when thereâs a death in the Family, no one I know; would or feels like going to Parties let alone buy gifts. Funeral arrangements cost a fortune & your complaining about gifts 
As you get older, youâll realize your birthday is just another day. Most years I gotta work & my daughter will bake me a cake 
Itâs pretty awesome. But girl ya gotta stop exaggerating, your 2 8
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This is why I donât believe in family titles. To me my real family are the ones who are there for me. I would just distance myself from them.
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Maybe they werenât up for a party on the 1st anniversary of their fatherâs/grandfatherâs death. I mean, câmon.
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I personally would ha e scheduled it for a different day. I know its your birthday and all but just like with a kids bday sometimes it falls on a school night and you gotta move it to the weekend. Out of consideration I would have moved it to the weekend before or after. And I do agree you did seem more concerned that nobody got you a gift rather then them not showing up for dinner. Your 28 expecting gifts for your birthday at 28 from anyone other than maybe your partner or mom/dad is a bit much. Just because you do it for everyone thats your choice most adults dont expect gifts from their whole family for their birthday. And it sound kind of off that you invited all these ppl the entire family you made it seem like a good amount of people and not one single person called text nothing youâve heard nothing from anyone sounds very odd to me. Idk imo this just sounds off. But then again theres always 2 sides. If that is the case someone could have called or text or something weird that not one single person came called text or anything almost sounds like maybe hubs was supposed to tell them to come and forgot or something and dont wanna tell you he forgot
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Unfortunately families supporting each other like villages are often no longer and selfish each to their own needs. We used to run after everyone else, attend and give but then not receive in return. Once stopped going out of our way we realised ties were lost. Shows many values lost in modern society which is sad 
.
My advice concentrate on those who reciprocate in return. The others are not worth the effort in future.
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A call would have been nice but itâs only been a year since your in laws lost their parent/parent in law. As well as a grandparent to the brothers/sisters. A year isnât very long for the healing process. I bet that day was super hard for them.
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Could have been that day was very sad for them last year did you remind everyone did they all agree to come did you call them day of or day before
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Honestly⌠when I was younger,my family went all out on my birthday because they knew how I loved it,now that am older itâs vice versa,if I want to celebrate it, itâs up to me to make the effort.
Maybe thatâs their mindset too.
As for those who didnât show, thatâs plain rude but it was a lesson to you. You now know how the relationship between you and those who didnât show is like so donât have expectations when it comes to them.
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Dear you are not exaggerating thingsâŚit does feel badâŚIt happened with me so I can relate the sameâŚthey celebrate all occasions and everybodyâs bday but not mineâŚ
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Hey my birthday was a few weeks ago and No One in my immediate family even buggered with a happy bday either
In just a couple years older than you and the same. I go above and beyond for my family too.
Itâs tough. I learned to let it go and not bother with trying to celebrate birthdays.
Happy belated birthday though
Let me say this⌠My best friends (more like sister) her birthday party was on the anniversary of my daughterâs death. I did not go, but I called her to let her know I wouldnât be coming and she completely understood. I get them now wanting to come, but they could of called.
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You cant be upset you didnât get a gift because you said all you wanted was to have a dinner with family.
Did you ask your husband why they didnât show up.
Also his family is probably still upset about the death and didnât want to ruin your day. some people get over a death fast and some dont. Hopefully next year they will be there for you.
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Your husband should let his family know that it was horrible for them to not show up. I understand the day was tough for them because of the death. Itâs the first anniversary of his death. But the very least they couldâve messaged you still since it is still your birthday. They couldâve told u well in advance that they didnât think theyâd be attending. I understand fully as one time for my 25th birthday none of my husbandâs family showed up for my birthday party because my husband didnât invite his brother. He had his reason and I stood behind him on his choices⌠I had a damn great time at my party still with the ones who cared to be there. My father passed away last year on my husbandâs 40th birthday. This year we will be doing a memorial for my dad during the day and we will celebrate my husbandâs birthday in the evening just as we wouldâve anyways. And as for gifts, donât worry about that stuff because itâs not about gifts anyways but peoples presence u want.
This same happened with me. Now my in laws donât even care about my birthdayâŚmy bday is next day of the 13th day of her death and in the same year of our marriage 
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I never expect presents from anyone im also 28 Iâm a grown up im happy with a bottle of wine but regardless of presents its really rude of them to not respond and not show up. And especially with no sorry after. They should have at least responded and if thatâs how little they effort they put in for you then stop putting in so much for them then you will feel less hurt by their lack of effort
The not receiving many gifts part as you get older is pretty normal. But not receiving texts/ phone calls is not.
And Totally ride of your in-laws not to show or even respond.
If they didnât want the dinner on the same night as the anniversary then why not say that? I would be mighty pissed if I had gone all our and no one showed too!
Being an adult you should never expect birthday giftsâŚif someone happens to give you one, it will be a pleasant surprise and you will not be setting yourself up for disappointment. I cannot even remember the last time I gave someone other than my mother and husband a birthday gift (and that is it not even every year. I only sometimes do). Regarding them not showing up: Did they originally say they were going to come then not show up? If that is the case that is kind of rude, but if they never originally said they would come for sure, then just keep it to yourself. He passed away just last year. It was probably a really rough day for them. To expect them to show up to a birthday party (even though you had good intentions) is asking a lot. My grandmother passed away on my birthday almost 15 years ago and I still cry on my birthday. My first birthday after she passed was REALLY rough. I did not want to do anything or talk to anyone. So going to a party was probably a little too much for them. I understand that you wanted a dinner with the people that mean the most to you, but each person deals with grief in their own way. You wanted to surround yourself with people you love. Others (like me) just want to be alone. If they said for sure they were coming and then did not show up or even say they were not going to show up, maybe your husband could mention something to them about it. But he should not press the issue. For all you know they could of had the intention of going but when it came time it was just too much for them. If they never confirmed, do not say anything. Before you have another get together, send out a text asking for anyone who is coming to confirm so you can make the right amount of food. Then the people who do confirm send out another reminder text the day before and just confirm again. Since you are 28 you really should not expect any presentsâŚeven if you give them all presents on their birthdays.
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If this is abnormal behavior for them than maybe try a redo but go out to eat. Then they donât show no money wasted. Explain you wanted to spend time with them for your bday but understand with the 1yr anniversary celebrating might have been hard. If they decline the redo than you know where you stand and can save your money and time by not chasing them. We do not do for my adult in laws. We focus on the kids. There was no discussion about it, just kind of happened.
I think the family was rude. They should have called. Dont go out of your way anymore. Your dad did a good job
Itâs normal not to have everyone celebrate your birthday years before 28 or expect gifts
I donât remember the last time I celebrated my birthday. Maybe 16? Do people really celebrate as they are older? Or expect people to bring you a gift? This blows my mind. Lol. As a mom- I donât get anything.
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What strikes me is you did this on the anniversary of a death. The first anniversary which can be very hard. They may have felt upset about that. I realize itâs your birthday but they lost someone so very close to them.
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Most of my family didnât even wish me a happy birthday last year. 
let alone come for supper/get gifts. I turn 27 this year⌠Iâm sure itâll be just like last year.
Well the next time they have anything then to hell with them.stop doing things 4 others and expecting thingsâŚdo it 4 those who appreciate you only and move on.let them be âŚ
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I would in future give them the same attitude they have given you. Dont stress your self out by going above and beyond and that is what you get in return. I understand they were maybe mourning but it was just a dinner, not a party or something crazy. The very least they could have done was either decline or let you know in advance they cant make it but they did this on purpose
For you to plan something like this and to actually do on your own, shouldâve shown the people you invited that this was special to you and they shouldâve at least called/text you if they werenât coming. This also should be an eye opener to show you how you stand in their eyes.
Focus on the people who actually showed up for you. Lord knows how many family and friends Iâve cut out of my life because of things like thisâŚand TBH, I do not have a lot of events going on at my house either as I am always working or Iâm too exhausted to do anything. I didnât even do a first birthday for my son because I knew no one would show up. I bought him a dozen cupcakes, a candle, and it was just my husband and I celebrating his 1st birthday. My own dad and only brother didnât even show up. Pretty sadâŚconsidering they only live 10 minutes away from me.
So sorry this has happened to you, and I hope it gets better for you.
Happy belated birthday 
I agree they should have called, but I also imagine on the 1yr anniversary of their loved ones death probably contributed hugely. Maybe just ask them whether they got the invite.
Not everyone has the same heart as you. Make boundaries for yourself. Maybe one day theyâll realize how much you do for them even if itâs just showing up. As for the gifts, i wouldnât expect gifts. Their presence is worth much more.
Your inlaws are RUDE! Donât acknowledge them anymore. Do the bare minimum. Apparently they donât respect you enough. Itâs not about the presents but not replying that they arenât coming. This act is like a 6 year old not wanting to go to the odd kidâs party.
You shouldnât do for other people if all you are going to do is throw it back in their face later on.
Does it suck when you do a lot for someone and they donât do the same? Absolutely. However, you should do for them because you want to and not because of what you think theyâll do for you in the future.
I do feel like they could have RSVP or something though. That was messed up to make you wonder if they were coming and then prepare food for them that went to waste. Sorry that happened on your birthday.
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You arenât 10. And throwing parties during these times, many wonât even show up. I donât know many who will show up to an adultâs home party, on Friday the 13th, during a pandemic.
Iâm 42 and we NEVER did birthday parties in my family. My mom would take us to our favorite place to eat, bake us a cake to share with my brothers and a small gift. It was special to me and my mommaâŚ. You canât expect grown people to attend an adult birthday party. I personally feel people want parties for presents and to show out. 
you are almost 30 years old and pouting because you didnât get presents you feel are up to par with the gifts you give. You donât give gifts to be equal with someone else or because you EXPECT something in return. You give because you care about the person.
And what are people, in laws specifically, suppose to get a grown ass person? A sweater? Measuring cups? thats your partners job not in-laws.
Adults go out for their birthday for drinks and laughs, if at all. Iâm 42, my own mother bought me two skeins of yarn because she calls and asks what I want for my birthday every year. Every year itâs the same thing. I donât expect nor want expensive things. I just want a hug from my mom and we share an iced coffee and tacos. My MAN is the one who wants to go all out for me and I decline, I prefer simple. He has learned. I got a tee shirt and dinner out and snacks for a movie night at home
And as for the in laws and such⌠giving them gifts, if no one else is, I wouldnât either, unless you absolutely love gift giving⌠but Iâd save that for Christmas.
And I was married for 11 years and I donât expect my in laws to have anything to do with birthday dinners. They are in laws. They didnât birth you not marry you. When you get older itâs about your spouse and kids (if you choose them) and your parents who gave you life. Focus on that.
Your feelings may be hurt but they may even feel
You go overboard and are annoyingly overcompensating. You canât expect others to act or react like you would either. Itâs a big deal to you, but not them.
Pouts and sulk if you wanna, but making a huge deal about it is going to alienate you big time in the family.
And to top it off itâs been a year since someone passed?? Come onnnnn! 
Iâm not trying to be rude but this feel very âspoiledâ and an adult pouting
I understand where you are coming from. For my two kids and their dads birthday and Christmas I give gifts and a dinner and cake after. Could be a favorite homemade meal or going out whatever the decide and I definitely make sure Iâm the first to tell them happy birthday, Merry Christmas or etc. For motherâs day, Christmas or anything else I cook a big lunch for all my side of the family. Only my mom and one sister and her husband and son, my kids and their dad show up. Usually my grandpa and good uncle would but both be there, but they were killed in car accident. Motherâs Day my kids and their dad use to get me a cheap gift, a meal of my choosing and a card except in 2012 my rapist (momâs youngest brother my bad uncle) passed instead of me getting a phone call, text, a gift, meal or even a card. Everyone except the one sister that shows up for everything ignored me, my text and calls. The sister calls just to let me know our dear uncle passed away on Motherâs day and they all my children included would be at the funeral home instead of visiting with me for motherâs day. At that time I was having uncontrollable seizures so not much I could have done about keeping my kids at home with me. My partner at the time did reach out to my family to let them know how she felt about the situation and how they treated me. No one liked her afterwards go figure. I donât get presents from anyone other than my mom usually like $25 or whatever I give her she turns around and gives it back for the holiday or birthday. My children ages 16 & 20 donât recognize my birthday motherâs day or Christmas for me but absolutely must recognize birthday, fatherâs day and Christmas for their dad. I barely get a happy birthday from Facebook friends. It hurts and I tend to cry a lot on those days, but what can I do about it? Iâve told everyone how I feel yet nothing has changed in years.
You need to accept them for who they are, and not who you want them to be. They have shown you that they donât feel the same towards you that you do them. Or to take possible feelings out, they donât show that they care the same way that you make your feelings known. Itâs a harsh reality. Remember, no one can make you feel anything. You feel hurt because you allow yourself to feel hurt. Once you accept them for the uncaring crap that they are, you will feel better. Invite them to things if you want, but call the day before to make sure they are coming. If they no show or outright say no, move on. They are not worth the trouble. Iâm sorry they did this to you.
It sounds like you are heavy on the presents for birthday thing⌠Girl yeah. As adults generally you donât get gifts. I would be salty af about being forgotten but being taken out for your birthday is really the most common gift to give. Maybe you slighted them in your effort to do a home experience? Sounds like yâall need to talk it out but you also need to learn to let go of presents⌠Sorry chica but unless you hook with Santa that ship has likely sailed⌠Or reindeer? Lol happy belatedâŁď¸
I mean the only thing that would really bother me personally is the fact that I went out of my way to make all that food and everything else especially for my birthday to just have them not show up with no explanation or no phone calls. I really wouldnât care about the gift thing because I mean normally as you get older gifts are something you really donât receive.
Their family member just died⌠I do feel like you could have skipped a damn dinner bevy if that⌠but okay.
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I just turned 28, I went away for my bday to an air bnb go away with friends itâs much more fun.
Itâs probably painful to them now that a death of a loved one occurred on that day.
The presents I wouldnât be concerned about, them not showing up, it would absolutely hurt my feelings too. Especially if it was planned and I made dinner etc.
Stop doing so much for people. They never reciprocate. I learned that at an early age
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Nope. Not normal. And please donât accept it as normal. Just stop. Stop doing allllllll that stuff youâve been doing. Stop it. You donât have to earn recognition, love, and acceptance. Focus on you.
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You are not over exaggerating anything!! Next time dont show up to one of their bdays (or whatever else they invite you to) dont show up or message. And if they say anything just be like, well you didnt show up for me when all i wanted was yall there so why should i show up for yall?
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Have your husband talk to them and let them know you were hurt. Your spouse can be your advocate when you canât be.
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These responses have me smh. Ya as an adult, itâs normal to not receive gifts the same way as being younger. I also feel if getting gifts is all a person really cares about rather then receiving a little extra love from the ones close to them, then ya more on the materialistic side. But thatâs for someone who values just the gifts. Many people may really care most about being recognized or that little bit of extra attention on their birthday but for those who can say they dont feel a little sting if none of your family or loved ones youâre close with takes a minute out of their day to show you they remember itâs your birthday whether it be by a gift, phone call, card, a little note, even simple words. It does hurt at least a little even for the âtoughâ ones. For others who trully donât feel anything, their is reason they got to that point but dont let them make you feel like you have no reason to feel the way you do just because they donât. It may have been a death anniversary, which can be very difficult to go through as loved ones but that doesnt mean it should let your birthday be nonexistent eaither. If itâs the first year death anniversary, then I can see a little more on it might be more difficult being itâs the first year but not every year should your day be ignored. Especially by family in laws or not. I dont k no ow how close of a relationship you have with the in laws but I would base your communication about the situation off of that & just find an approach that is most appropriate & comfortable to you. Communication trully is key & the manner itâs done. Last thing Iâll say is, keep being you & keep your heart the kind nature it is. Never let the negative of this world change the good in you. Happy Late Birthday Girl.!
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Iâm 43 and I still make a big deal of my bdayâŚâŚand those closest to me do as well!! Soooo those who say donât expect anything when you get older fuck themâŚâŚ
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My only present from family was a steam cleaner a few months ago and Iâm turning 24 
I was thrilled and promptly burned myself but thatâs fineeee
But as for the whole thing, they owe you calling. They owe you an apology because you are still family and you were hurt. I think you could say That youâre hurt but donât expect them to necessarily understand
Your family only is your own just accept the fact this is how it isâŚ.
Where is your husband in all this?
Iâm not sure anyone even said Happy Birthday to me on my birthday this past year. Lol
The best advice Iâve got is treat them how they treat you 
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My husband and I have been together almost 10 years and Iâve never received even a birthday card from either of his parents who are split up. One year I even planned birthday parties for them and had them at our house. But nothing in return. At first I was hurt by it, but have just realized they are both selfish people who only think of themselves. I feel ya! Itâs not a fun place to be
Iâm sorry, my Papa who passed away 6 days before my birthday, devastated me. He passed on 8/6/2021. All families grieve differently. My cousin passed away on my birthday in 2006. My birthday means nothing to me. Itâs to much. I can understand the husbandâs side, sometimes itâs just to just to hard. Maybe do your thing a week before or after your birthday. My Papa was the closest person to me, this was the first year I never received a card saying xoxo Papa. Next year I donât know my feelings.
But for now fuck it, your birthday is just a day, losing someone last forever.
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It could be they were sad because of the grandpa passing. My grandpa died 8/10/2001. I never do anything on 8/10. I light my candles and have a self love day at home. My moms dad died 4/28 and even though it happened like 32 years ago that whole month of April is hard for her always has been. Especially since my nephews birthday is 4/28.
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Dont go out of your way for people that cant congratulate you on you birthday. Thats the least they could do. They dont care about you and that is 
When my in laws pissed me off over and over again, and disappointed me just as much⌠I posted a picture on my Facebook that said something about family is crap, choose your own, and if my kids donât ask about you-its cause you never showed up enough to matter.
Very quickly all my in laws figured out where I stand with them, then I started deleting and blocking them as the comments rolled in. Havenât had contact with 90% of my in laws in about a year, and I love it. My husband has even kinda abandoned his own family because heâs tired of it too.
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Hereâs the thing, yes, they sound two faced and theyâre more than happy for you to provide for them and theirs, but they donât really give a crap about you. Stop going all out for them, it will hurt more and more every year and the resentment will get strong. Cut it off before it can do damage to the relationship and have a talk with the husband about it all. As far as your kids remembering, thatâs something to talk to the husband about as well and see where that goes.
Donât worry about the gifts. Youâre 28. While I might be able to understand them not coming to your get together on the account of it being the one year anniversary of them losing someone dear to them, the least they could have done is texted you on the day to wish you and respond by saying they wonât be able to make it. Itâs disrespectful. At the end of the day they are your husbandâs family, not your own. If they donât treat you good why do you need to treat them good? Fuck them.
I feel this is an exaggeration. It sounds like you do a favor and expect one in return. You have to remember not everyone is as thoughtful as you are and thatâs okay. Weâre all different. I wouldnât be upset. did you think about their feelings and celebrating something on a special someoneâs first death anniversary? Im a grown adult and laid in bed all day for my dads first death anniversary. It was my sisters birthday and i didnt even bother saying happy birthday. My mind was elsewhere i was grieving. I hope you enjoyed your day with who showed up. Donât let your happiness dwell on whether or not people acknowledge you.
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Match efforts. That will speak volumes.
But seriously, youâre a grown, married woman. Have a conversation about a thing that happened. Otherwise the resentment you feel will only grow. Good luck.
Did they say they were coming? Iâd be upset if they said yes and then didnât come.
I would ask if something else came up and how they were feeling before talking to them about missing the event. In case they needed space n werenât just being sucky.
every birthday we all have isnât always going to be the sameâŚlike you said there was a( loss in the family )so that says alot rite there #2 gifts are for kids or for our eldersđ¤ˇââď¸ just let it goâŚmaybe next year will be better just sayingđ¤ˇââď¸
With it being the first anniversary of his death, the family probably wasnât ready for celebrations on that day. If their excuse is simply they âwerenât invitedâ then itâs a poor show on their part and in future when you invite people, get confirmation on the morning of ad if nothing, donât prepare for them, only the guests who bothered to confirm. If they turn up then tough shit. Donât stop being a good person though. Many will say not to go out of your way for them anymore but if thatâs the person you are, why change? Why stop being a good person? It could have just been a case of miscommunication etc
As far as gifts go, never expect. I give to my friends, but not always something extravagant, more thoughtful. I donât always give either although I do try to. I never expect anything from my friends or family other than them simply turning up. Iâm 30 and canât remember the last time I got a birthday present from family I certainly donât take offence. Even my kids donât always get presents at Xmas and birthdays from friends and family who have previous bought for them. Why concern yourself over it? Just see it as less clutter in your house 
I canât remember the last time I celebrated my birthday properly, was likely my 21st but I had to arrange everything and it wasnât as great as I wanted it to be, but people showed up and that was the important thing. I turned 30 this year and didnât get to do a thing, no one really seemed interested in celebrating it once lockdown was lifted (uk) and itâs been getting me down for 8 months now. I really wanted a party. Something fun with my friends to see in my 30âs. Hadnât celebrated any of my birthdays really since I was 21. I have one friend who usually takes me and my girls out in my birthday for a meal which has always been amazing and sheâs the only one really whoâs said sheâs up for a party etc my longest standing friend just one of those things as you get older⌠people making the effort to turn up is far more important than turning up with a gift - every single time⌠I used to feel shitty when the other sides family didnât give gifts for my daughter when she was little and now I think, why? Fk em. Itâs less shite in my house and kids really donât know any better until much much older. So Iâve learned and taught my kids not to expect gifts from people as sometimes itâs their time that is gifted and that is far more important. Donât let it weigh you down lady. Draw a line and move on. Donât change yourself because of this, keep doing as you have been x
A lot of Karenâs on here 
first⌠Happy Birthday.
I think itâs great that you go above and beyond for others the way you doâŚwhat they did to you was rude and uncalled for. There was absolutely no reason if they couldnât come that they didnât let you know. I honestly would have your husband say something to them about how hurt you were and disrespectful they were. As for how you should react in the future, keep being you and if giving gifts and going to things makes you happy then keep doing it. If you plan another dinner or party again call for confirmation with them and if it happens again stop including them. Itâs their loss, not yours. Make your family with people who love and respect you
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Take it as a hint. If they wanted to b there they wud of. Stop showing n doing for others that donât give the same love/respect back. U deserve better. Itâs their loss
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Maybe they are pissed off u wanted a party on their dads anniversary
Also how come your husband hasnt addressed it ?
Is it that he already knows why they didnt come ??!!
Straight up, donât do things for people and expect anything in return. Youâll be disappointed as you are right now. After a certain age, i dont expect gifts. Iâm thankful when i do but not upset when i dont.
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If their family died on that day its not ok for you to be mad at them bc everyone mourns differently I wouldnât ever go anywhere on my parents death anniversary I already know this bc I wonât even on 4th of July ans thats when my best friend died. Idgaf whoâs bday it is. But I would DEF call and explain that
Did ur hubby not text to say " Where are ye ?
Did u just get on with it and ask nothing on the day
Sounds like they forgot just.
Just ask and dont dwell on it or in future dont make big gestures if u feel youâre not appreciated.
Stop going the extra mile for them and let them see how it feels to be treated the way they treated youđ¤ˇđťââď¸ if they canât set time aside for you STOP SETTING TIME ASIDE FOR THEM!
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you are not a child any more. Still , it is thoughtless of them if you invited them and they didnât respond . Donât work so hard for a thankless family .
To not even message u is shxt
And Iâm not even sorry your hubby should have chased them up
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Question doesnât make much sense. You canât invite people so you get gifts and adults donât usually buy adults gifts unless itâs a thing already. They either donât like you and are rude or theyâre just rude. Sounds kinda like you are saying they celebrate other people and leave you out. Same with me really. Sucks but is their problem
Donât expect people to do the same thing you would do for them. They arenât you. The least you expect from people, the less youâll get hurt.
The not turning up thing without getting in contact, I just wouldnât invite them again. I never expect gifts from anyone, though. Even if I bought them.
Donât expect too much and you wonât get hurt
You def do too much for those who do nothing for you. As for the gifts, yeah those stopped a long time ago
I wouldnât expect gifts. But itâs a bit crap seeming you go to the trouble for them, I would be definitely stopping that. Them not showing up I would be upset about as they should of told you if they werenât coming.
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Dont waste your time on people who make zero attempt at making any effort towards you!
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Just ask them, b understanding, ask them what happened tell them u feel hurt
They donât have manners . They couldâve called to let you know a week before date . At least a call . I would stop all communication for a while , maybe they donât need you . Strange ??
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Whats your husband say about all of it?
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Stop doing things for people.
It works both ways.
What cheapos
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I feel for you. Iâm retired but I worked swing shift forever before that and it was always hard getting a day off for parties and get together. After awhile I gave up trying if it wasnât on a day off and they started taking a back seat to my job, hospital, but I shouldâve fought harder because those functions now are so important to me. Maybe your in laws arenât good at communicating, dont give up on them.
I wonât invite them anymore or go to any of their functions. Apparently they didnât care enough to give you a heads up that they wasnât coming. I know it made you really sad but appreciate who did show up for you
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I would be hurt. ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS AND THEY FORGOT ABOUT YOU. When someone doesnât show up it simply tells you they donât care. People have âtimeâ they just choose how to spend it.
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sounds like you just want presents. let them mourn, itâs the year anniversary of their family members death. you have selfish vibes.
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Donât bother with them anymore and focus on the ppl that did show up
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How to show/tell my in laws how I feel without actually saying it?
My mind is absolutely BLOWN. I have NEVER seen such self focused, immature nonsense. This is what is wrong with this world these days⌠smh. Iâm 42⌠The last birthday we celebrated of mine was 40 and only because it was a dang surprise. My sister and my birthdays are 1 year and 4 days apart⌠My âbirthday celebratingâ ended when her life was taken in 2015. We always celebrated TOGETHER⌠And usually just she and I.
I absolutely cannot celebrate without her. She was my sister, my best friend. My go to⌠My keeper of secrets⌠And I was hers. Every year since I bake she and I a cake. I have a slice and take my family the rest. Thats it. Iâm grown. This isnât about me anymore. We have children⌠Families of our own. Every day alive is a gift in itself⌠Being so petty is an absolute waste of it.
I STILL do good for ppl because it makes me happy to see them happy⌠Not for a return.
Ugh⌠I cannot. This is the crap my daughter has to grow up around. If I EVER caught her behaving this way because she didnât get hers⌠IDC if sheâs in her 20s or 60s⌠All sheâd get is a swift slap of Birthday REALITY.
How about showing some humbleness and have a duel party if you must⌠A celebration of life⌠Honoring their Grandfather as well and see how their feelings towards you change⌠Just saying.
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I just went through this with one of my daughters-in-law you know what if youâre old enough to be married to have your own family and friends do your own thing all the other time then you donât need family going to your birthday party to give you money thatâs how I feel I might be ugly you
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