I don’t think she is just expecting gifts here. She is deeply hurt by people she loves when they act as tho she is nobody. It’s not necessarily about a gift she just doesn’t understand why they would act like that because it’s always important for everybody else’s birthday and she would never do that to any of them. And the comments about she should have changed the date that’s just bs. Why not take a day that was sad and turn it into a day of smiles? Celebrating with everyone the day this woman came into the world is better than being down because it’s the day another family member departed. Getting together and reminiscing and bringing up good memories of grandpa at her birthday celebration is perfectly fine!!! It’s hurtful when you go out of your way to make sure the people that you love know they are loved and thought of and when your day comes nobody seems to care. They are all completely wrong here and husband should have seen this and handled it already. My best advice is stop giving so much of you to everybody else and start using your time and energy on yourself and your husband/kids. Don’t always be there when they expect and don’t always bring gifts to people who don’t appreciate it and remember it when it’s your day. The only gifts you should expect are from your husband and that’s it honestly. Anything else is like a little unexpected bonus.
Lol then dont go out ur way if ur doing it to expect something in return ! U will be disappointed ! Do it because thats who u are n u like to do it not because u expect the same from them ! Get over it….
I was always taught ppl don’t see what they do to you unless you do it back.
The food did not have to go to waste, could have made good leftovers and never expect family to do everything perfect, just enjoy your Birthday with who you are with and at some point it is not about getting gifts as much as enjoying who you celebrate with. Just do your own thing, you invited them and their loss for not joining in, but enjoy your Birthday without expecting anything from them, have fun, do not dwell on them not showing up
Stop bending over backwards for them. If you stop the little things, they will notice, if they care. And it will relieve a lot of stress from your life…and money.
It was rude of them not to show or rsvp for your birthday dinner party. I agree. BUT I will say that when someone doesn’t respond to an invitation to a dinner party I’m hosting I ALWAYS follow up to confirm their received my message/invitation and to find out if they’re coming or not. As far as gifts go, I think that as an adult you can’t expect gifts. Especially during covid. Times are tough for a lot of people. You never know how they’re having to adjust their lifestyles. But a birthday call, text, card , or hug would’ve definitely been appropriate.
I haven’t expected gifts since I was around 14 years old and realized a gift was because someone wanted to give it, and not because I wanted to receive it. Lower your expectations in life and you’ll be hurt less often. Save up and next year go away with your husband for your birthday. Don’t wait for others to make you happy and do it for yourself.
Stop being so accommodating knowing they’re not going to reciprocate. You’re going above and beyond, knowing you’re going to be let down. Stop setting yourself up for failure. Don’t expect everyone to be as nice as you.
Honestly, if you’re like this all the time to them, you’re trying too hard to make them like you… causing them to be feeling smothered and not be sure how to react.
Give them space. Maybe your absence will make them appreciate you more.
If your husband knows how much it hurt you then he should say something to them. My EX in laws did me the same way. At Christmas they would get everyone great gifts, they gave me pony tail holders. 
. They knew exactly what they were doing. They didn’t like me. They celebrated birthdays, except mine. Your in laws don’t like you either.
So is this the first time they haven’t showed up for you or is it always??? If its always they are in the wrong and it is hard to get over. But if this is the first time maybe it’s because it’s the 1st anniversary of the death…
So my in laws never ever show up to any of mine or my kids stuff. I have very hard feelings over this. We use to go to all of their stuff. But after a few years of them never coming to any if our stuff we stopped going to theirs.
Now on the other side my mom passed away in January. Tomorrow is her birthday. We have people wanting us to do things and I can’t really myself to want to do anything.
It’s the first anniversary of their grandfather dying. I think it’s a bit selfish that you’re expecting gifts when they’re grieving. You could of moved your birthday dinner to a different day for this year.
Regardless of gift giving age, hosting a dinner on the anniversary, etc, the LEAST they could have done was let her know they could not attend in advance, and then text her on her birthday. There is not excuse for not doing those things. None.
The good news may be: Maybe you’re just a really bad cook. Just kidding. Just let them know that you missed them on your birthday. Maybe they will explain why. If they don’t, just stop going out of your way for them.
I personally find it weird that people put a age limit on when you should stop receiving gifts for your birthday.But it is odd that you didn’t hear anything back from them but I’d reach out to them. Like a few other people have commented maybe with the passing of their grandfather on the same day maybe complicated things for them a bit.
I feel like the family is showing their true colors. Once that happens move on. Stop going out of your way for them. Maybe not show up to the next event. I certainly know how you feel. My husband had open heart surgery a few years back. His sister had the nerve to say I was just his wife not blood. We don’t speak anymore and I don’t go to anything that she’s involved in. You should plan a nice trip with your husband next year. Happy belated birthday.
What’s really sad is that someone didn’t say: You know what? It’s your birthday, and you shouldn’t be cooking for us, we should be cooking for you. We will be there to make dinner for your birthday!
Firstr. It’s OK to be hurt over this. Don’t let anyone invalidate your feelings… second, My sister is the same way. She goes all out for everyone, but her in laws do nothing for her. She is learning to focus that energy on those that can love her back and not just take from her. It’s a beautiful thing to have self care and love for yourself
It’s the anniversary of their grandfather’s death, that’s more important than you wanting gifts and expecting to be treated like a little princess. Not everything is about you, grow up and act like an adult not a spoiled little brat.
The gifts dwindle down as you get older- or they did for me. Lol. As far as the in-laws I would straight up ask them if there was a reason they didn’t come. You would be surprised at what effective communication will do for a relationship. But, ultimately we all have to understand that we can’t control anyone. It does hurt but that just means you have feelings and care for these people. Chin up!
You are being taken for granted .Stop showing up for others and practice self care with your extra time and energy.You can’t make others love you and you shouldn’t have to.
Lesson learned don’t do shit for them anymore… all that going out of your way to make them happy obviously means nothing to them so don’t waste anymore of your time.
Let them have a taste of their own medicine and if they have something to say about it, tell them to eat shit.
Just my opinion 
I wouldn’t go out of my way anymore. Just take cate of you n your husband n family. What does your husband say about how his family treats you
The most important thing is commutation talk to them let them know how you feel …it’s not about gifts it’s just wanting family around to celebrate your Birthday I believe that’s it. the thing is the longer you hold it in the more it will hurt and become a wedge between you get it out to them maybe there is a reason why they didn’t come but if you don’t talk it out you will become bitter and it will not help your relationship in the future
Should have had your husband text them the day of the party & confirm they were coming???
Always tell them the truth of how you feel
Some of the advice and opinions on here are udder garbage. People insulting a woman for being upset because her BIRTHDAY was ignored and calling her rude names……shame on YALL
All i know is with your husband’s grandfather passing away on your birthday it could’ve been a lot for them to process. Especially it being the first year anniversary of his passing. Grief complicates things and mixes emotions. They could’ve mistaken it as you were making it about you instead of honoring the late grandfather. My sons father passed away last july. If someone planned something the same day I would not go and would not feel like i need to explain myself or alter how i need to grieve in order to heal. I would expect my friends and family to respect that. Communicate.
i’m slightly annoyed here! yes,it sucks! i would politely tell them you’re upset they didn’t show up! but the anniversary of grandfathers death could be tough for them! so talk it out with them.
as for the gift thing …. you can give all your want. it doesn’t mean others will reciprocate.and also you shouldn’t give to receive. and it really sounds like that’s what you’re getting at! i couldn’t tell you the last time i got a gift from somebody other than adorable things made from my kids and that’s MORE THAN FINE! i’m old (i’m 38!) no one has to buy me anything! anyone remembering my birthday and sending a text means so much! reach out to them about your hurt feelings. but don’t think people will have the same heart as you when it comes to giving.
Okay I’m sorry but it’s the first year anniversary of their grandfather’s death… yes I understand it’s your birthday but you also have to try and see it from their point of view. They lost someone they love and care for very much only just a year ago and you’re expecting them to basically not think about it because it’s your birthday. That’s really selfish… if you have such an issue with it, put on your big girl pants and speak to them like an adult and tell them how you feel, because right now you just sound like a spoiled brat. 
How much notice did you give them? That makes a difference. But yeah…I stopped celebrating my birthday after 21 pretty much 
I dont see a issue with them not getting you anything because times are hard, but them not showing up atleast is rude
You have to actually say it. Anything else is toxic manipulation.
Wash your face fix your make up spend that $$ on you and your hubby make it V.I.P exclusive only
Stop trying to please everyone.
i would have made plates for each of them and delivered them to them
id laugh in someones face if they tried to get me to come for dinnee at 8pm 
im 29 and thats my bedtime lmfao
Candace Makeham totally agree with you.
Maybe they forgot?? Did you remind them on that day? I always expect someone to make an excuse or give them a chance to explain. What if they forgot and now you mad and they don’t know why. PS you can’t be expecting gifts no more when you an adult. People give gifts because they can or its their love language (looks like it’s yours unfortunately not theirs)
Don’t do it again! What they did was not right!
Just stop. They showed you who they are
That’s rude of them all😭
Okay listen, the thing is people can’t read minds and some are just impolite and don’t care. If u want ppl to know how u feel u have to tell them. Secondly the gift thing yeah that kinda happens. Only really your kids and spouse will get u something. Most others don’t. Also in certain cultures out of respect for the dead nothing is celebrated on the day the person died. It’s used more like a day of remembrance. Also yes I get that you’re hurt but u need to say something. Communication is the key to all the ships
You had a party on the first anniversary of their father/grandfather’s death? I feel you were insensitive to their pain. When my mom passed away I could barely get out of bed for the first year. Anniversaries hurt even more. You’re expecting too much expecting them to celebrate on the day their father died.
Adults don’t get presents. You can have parties … but hardly anyone will show up with presents.
If the family felt unable to attend a birthday party on the first anniversary of their loved one’s death, someone should have called either you or your husband and explained that when the invitation was given. For all of them to not show up tells me that this was some kind of a group decision. Grief is no excuse for bad manners.
Just tell them you missed them at the dinner party but you understand it is a very hard time of year for them because of the loss of their father and husband. Don’t take it personally. Some families grieve that way. And really as an adult you don’t get birthday presents. Or at least you don’t expect them. But don’t let that stop you from giving gifts because it gives you joy to give.
I think it was absolutely disgusting, it takes nothing to message or call. I was raised with morals, but suppose some dont care for others as much as themselves. Your husband could of spoke up for you to his family . JUST SAYING
My dad died close to Father’s Day and with that being said we still celebrate Father’s Day. Yes extremely emotional time but there are many great dads out there that deserve the celebration. Death is not an excuse for being rude. A simple phone call. Stop doing so much.
My bfs family is the same. No appreciation and they criticize him constantly. 
My mom died a year ago the 18th of this month. It’s really hard, especially when her birthday would have been yesterday plus my mother in laws birthday was also yesterday. It was really hard for me not just the week of her birthday, but the weeks leading up to it. It was really difficult just calling my mother in law to wish her a happy birthday and I almost didn’t do it because I couldn’t call my mother. I definitely understand how difficult it can be to celebrate things on, or close, to the anniversary of the death of a loved one, especially that first year. I do though feel that they should have informed you that they would not be attending. But, I also feel like you were more concerned by your post, about all the presents you didn’t receive. You shouldn’t ever expect anyone to give you a gift for any reason, holidays, birthdays, ect. If you are always buying everyone gifts for the holidays and such, that’s a you thing. I don’t know if your husband’s side of the family are the type to always expect something on the holidays, but if they aren’t and you still buy gifts, then that’s on you. But just keep in mind you are not obligated to buy gifts for anyone. I think you shouldn’t have scheduled your party the week of the anniversary, it’s just too close. But I also think they should have confirmed if they were coming or not.
just don’t ever invite them over again. for anything
Why does your husband think of all this? Did he ask them.why they didn’t come over???
The thing nowadays is not to expect anything from anyone ,in that way yoi don’t get disappointed.
In future do something for yourself on your birthday, treat yourself, you deserve the spoils.
When inviting people over ,do it in advance and tell them let you know by a certain date. Doesn’t matter who you inviting !
Whether you can freeze food or whatever people should atleast let you know if they’re coming or not !
Lastly , your husband should ask his family why they did not come !
Being upset about the people not showing up for you is upsetting and you have every right to feel hurt. However, you sound really childish for being so upset you didn’t get presents. Your 28. Presents are not what you should be focusing on. 
I can relate so much to this. My inlaws & even my own family have done me this way. If they didn’t plan on comn, they should have said as such earlier on & at least wished u a happy birthday. And with all u have done for them, they could have given u a lil birthday $ or something as appreciation.
My infant daughter’s birthday, the anniversary of her death, & her burial day all fall right behind mine & my hubby’s anniversary & my sister’s birthday & my stepdad’s birthday.
They all knw im a complete mess on my daughter’s special days, but they still expect me to go out of my way for them even tho they ignore my daughter’s birth & death anniversaries.
Ive had to set them aside & take care of me during this time. Afterwards they MITE get a small card & tiny gift. MITE.
That is why I stopped doing everything I was doing for my in laws as it was never appreciated, also they never cared about my or my kids birthdays
Honestly the gift thing wouldn’t bother me… you’re 28 & gifts usually stop when you’re that old…however not showing up, calling to let you know they were not showing up or making any attempt to wish you a Happy Birthday is rude & unacceptable…I lost my mom almost 12 years ago…her birthday, Mother’s Day & day she died are all very hard for me… but that doesn’t stop me from being there for those who are still here with me…& I do understand that’s the way some people grieve & some grieve harder & longer than others… but his whole family? Not one could make an attempt? Even if it was just an apology after the fact for not making it would have been better than just acting like it never happened…& I 100% agree that your husband should speak up for you
Be happy you have family and people who celebrated with you. I don’t have either and never really have. 
You could have packed the food up and delivered it to them with a note saying sorry you missed my birthday dinner, and food wouldnt have been wasted, they would have still gotten it. Maybe they forgot or were busy with their lives.
Girl be upset! Your bday is once a year and you deserve to be celebrated! You shouldn’t have to postpone it or work around other people. That’s YOUR birthday and you can’t help what tragedy may have happened on the same day to someone else. It’s not your fault but it sounds like you still tried to make it work for everyone when you shouldn’t be the one doing that. It was very thoughtful of you and shitty of them to just totally disregard you and your special day! They are allowed to be sad for the anniversary of their loss, but it’s not ok to completely disregard you. You matter too.
Take care of yourself from now on and do something for you! It’s obvious you can’t depend on anyone. If they want to do something for you then let them plan it but you shouldn’t be the one planning anything on your bday.
I would maybe just talk to your husband about it and explain to him how it kinda hurt your feelings that they didn’t show up or even just send a message that day, they just went on like you’d never even invited them. Maybe he can relay to his family that He Loves You and Cares about You and that it upset him to know you were upset over it. That no it wasn’t a Huge deal, but they could have made a small gesture and just reached out to you, at least to let u know they weren’t coming that way you didn’t go overboard with food, etc… Kinda would save you from the anxiety it may cause to confront them. 
Happy late Birthday love!
I’m not sure why anyone would consider this person “selfish”. She literally put together a birthday DINNER for herself…because it sounds like she’s someone that finds family important. It’s not like she invited them to go “party” on the anniversary of the grandfather’s death. Did anyone consider that maybe she though it would be good for the family to be together during that time, to maybe make the day less hard? The least they could’ve done was decline the invite, so the poor girl didn’t do all the the work for nothing (Or could have at least scaled back in the food).
As far as my advice for the girl…I would probably try to have a conversation with them. They should know that your planning wasn’t malicious, and that you wish they would’ve talked to you instead of just not showing. As far as gifts….I’d leave that alone. Appreciate what you get, but I wouldn’t expect them. And I’d also keep doing what you do for people…sounds like that’s just who you are. I can totally relate
And lastly….Happy Birthday!!
Just don’t go to their events anymore… do the same they did u… if they were not in favor of the dat cuz of the death years ago happening around ur birthday time they should hv been grown enough to say it… n ask u to reschedule. That was very rude… as for gifts… children get birthday gifts… when we become adults gifted are rare… the biggest gift should be the life we receive to see that day… n be thankful
I had similar in-laws from hell. If they’re treating you badly, constantly, & your husband won’t defend you, openly, you my dear have a tough road ahead.
You’re being a bit childish, especially where you end the post with – And I only got 50 from my dad…
Did they actually tell you they were coming, or did you just assume, because it was your birthday, they would attend? Being that someone had died on the date if your birthday, maybe you could have pushed it out a week or two.
But seriously, being 28 and expecting everyone to bring you presents is pretty childish and makes you sound really petty.
I’m not sure why she is selfish… she purchases and made a while birthday dinner for herself and invited everyone. I understand a loss is hard. However she said it was grandpa. Death is a part of life. I understand the 1st anniversary is hard. But at the same time you can’t just stop your life because someone has died especially when they lived a long life. At what point is her birthday going to go back to normal?. And I know I’m going to have a lot of haters for this. And I have lost alot of people. If my world stopped on everyday someone has died I would never get to live.
Thats the problem these days ppl keep their mouth closed and let it build up inside open your mouth and let them know how your feeling it will show if they respect you or not
Just say it. Blunt is ok
You know…I felt bad until the last sentence about only getting $50 from your dad. 
Hey so sorry to tell you but that’s part of life , you are young & will mature & learn what is thrown at you 
Talk to them , & let them know how hurt you were, & they won’t be a next time……
Cut off the gifts 
Is it possible they were hurting from his grandfather passing? Yes a response would be nice but maybe their reason for not showing up wasn’t personal?
it was wrong that they at least didn’t call & say they weren’t coming, But it seems the whole side of that family did that, so just maybe they had something else plan, But again if that was the case, they should have told you or your husband, since this is his side of the family. When you guys get together, say something, like the whole food you made that night & it was a shame a lot went to waste, But thinking that, why didn’t you family take home the leftovers? ??? Then all that food wouldn’t have gone to waste
Stop doing to much for everyone!
Stop putting effort into people that don’t put effort into you!
Young one don’t get your feelings hurt - you were raised in a “family” that celebrates together - his family is different-
Family cultures are not the same - it’s the lil’ things we don’t discover until you are with one of them. For example - I come from a Big Mexican Family that celebrates EVERYTHING(lol)but my fathers family (Anglo) never came for anything- they were always invited- but nada - so young one like I said don’t let it bug you - you keep making the gestures- your kids will be watching - we did back in the day 
I don’t think she is totally off base. They could have at least called and said they were not coming
I mean the one year anniversary of a death is pretty tough.
You are a nice person , everyone loves you they are just quiet about it . Next time don’t do it again and when everyone shows up call Domino pizza and six pack of beer ( make sure you ask them what kind )
I never expect gifts for any occasion that involves celebrating me. I’m 26 and that ship has sailed long ago. However, I’d be upset they didn’t call or text to let you know they couldn’t make it.
Maybe there’s a reason??? Talk to them.
Yeah they suck for not showing up and not calling or anything but that’s why I stopped inviting folks for anything. We just do stuff with our own little family and that’s it. But seriously, whining about gifts makes you sound like a 5 year old. 
You’re 28. Why are you expecting gifts from anyone at all besides your husband?
You need to take this with a grain f salt and return the same level of respect they showed you when it comes to the event with no response and not showing up. When their feelings are hurt and they go to lash out don’t be nasty or nothing just tell them straight forward you are just giving them the same respect they gave you. It’s the truth and sometimes a dose of the truth is the best medicine. As for the $50 comment. Your 28 hun. It’s apart of life. I’m 32 years old and when my birthday comes around I just ask for dinner like you did. My grandparents have always allotted $100 per birthday for kids. When I had my kids my $100 got passed down to them. Now when I need help during the year they help me get by and we leave it at that. Times are rough. Be grateful he had the extra $50 to give you and cared enough to show up.
I just turned 26 & I don’t ever expect anything for my birthday, haven’t since I was a child. But for you to go out for everyone else, the least they could have done is wished you a happy birthday & say they weren’t gonna make it
Well I’m 35…I never expect anything for my birthday other than a happy birthday which I’m happy for. Now from your SO yes, dinner made by him would have been nice or go out. As for everyone else, no. Your not 5 anymore.
I would tell them how you feel. And next time don’t invite them and if they invite you to something don’t show up either that’s Hella rude for them not to even call or text and girl, I stopped getting presents from my family at age 25 I’m 28 now its normal shit, I’m jealous you got 50 bucks lol!!!
Have they shown up for other birthdays? Like the year before & this year & just .issued last year’s celebration? Maybe they missed grandpa last year? Yes it was wrong that they didn’t acknowledge you birthday, but grief is a strong reason.
To invite some one or family to an occasion of any sort and not receive a response of yes or no to attend is VERY RUDE, IGNORANT, and LOW CLASS. Chalk it up to experience and future thoughts.
Y’all are grown on here and fixating on the ‘ gifts ‘ portion. That’s not the big picture. She’s upset that she goes out of her way for
These people and they MISSED HER BIRTHDAY !
Just don’t buy gifts for anyone but kids in the future.
Yes. Don’t count on anyone
Should be questioning why your husband didn’t get you a gift, not his family members.
Let me get this straight, because I’m a little confused…
- Your 28yrs old (HAppy birthday)
- Your upset you only got 1 present
- Your up set that they did not come to “your birthday dinner” even though it was grandpa‘s one year anniversary death date. ???
Have you considered that it was very selfish & extremely insensitive of you to have a birthday dinner on the one-year anniversary of grandpa‘s death??? 
In 2007, My sister in law, 24 years old and nine months pregnant one week from her baby shower and two weeks before the C-section, they died on my birthday. In a very horrible car accident 
they could have save the baby but they didn’t know she was pregnant they thought she was fat and swollen from all the damage that had happened to her body! They didn’t know until we asked about the baby.
For the first seven years we spent my birthday at the gravesite with her, after that it was still VERY hard on all of us on that day, and still is…
They don’t care or respect you, otherwise they would have called and let you know or apologized by now. You’ve tried treating people the way you want to be treated and you’re being taken for granted. Now it’s time to treat them the way they treat you.
That’s honestly bogus of them to not even call and say they’re not going to make it. But the one year anniversary of a loss of a loved one is very difficult. So I see both sides here. Just maybe mention it gently to them about the party?
You sound grown crying over presents! 
First of all, forget about the gifts. You don’t throw a party to her a gift. If you like to give gifts, please do so because it’s your nature. Secondly, why didn’t your address this straight away? A simple call asking, “Is everything alright? We were concerned when you didn’t show up or call or anything. Just checking to make sure nothing bad happened.” That should be all you need to say. Last but not least. Do not offer to do it again and if anyone questions why you don’t, be frank and tell them. I would have more intimate and small gatherings of those who actually care and are respectful. And let your husband know the truth. He deserves to know how hurt you feel anyway.
Maybe his family just into holidays and birthdays as much as u and your family are. I don’t really have any family but the ones I do have have never made any effort. They don’t call, I’ll be lucky if I get a happy birthday text before I go to bed. Ive spent every single birthday alone with my kids for as long as I can remember. It sucks but I would just be grateful for the ones who showed up and made an effort to be there and spend time with you and your family on your birthday. If u do see them on another holiday or event or whatever I would just be like “hey, sorry we missed you at my birthday dinner, u must have had something else important going on, everything ok?” Or something like that. Just to let them know that u noticed they didn’t show up after they were invited n gives them a chance to explain why or at least get the hint that you’re feelings were hurt by it.
Dinner at 8 pm? Maybe they ate already and settled in for the night? That’s what old people do 
I know my parents aren’t leaving the house after 6:00.
Yall are missing the point. It’s not about the gifts. She made dinner on her bday and wanted all her immediate family there. They should have called at the least but they should have been there. It was dinner. Not a bday party.
I never expect birthday gifts for my birthday. You scheduled your birthday dinner on the 1 year anniversary of his death…than scheduled it at 8pm. I don’t know if I would of came either . It’s very hard dealing with a death. You don’t feel like celebrating after only a year. But 8 pm is awful late for a dinner party. You could of scheduled it on a different day like Sat or Sunday in a week or so for 4pm or something like that. But they could of atleast said they were not coming.
Well me I wouldn’t have worried about the gifts as that’s normal now your an adult don’t expect gifts but as for them
Not showing up or at least calling to tell me they couldn’t make it that I’d be upset about
I mean it’s kind of too late to say anything now. If you were going to address it I would have done it the next day and just said hey missed you guys yesterday. I totally get that it hurts to go all out for people and those same people do the bare minimum or less. I’ve had to learn who does and doesn’t deserve my time and energy.