In my husbands family, his grandmother died the day my father in law was to pick her up to come to our house for our annual Christmas party. We had everything ready and heard the news. It was the worst Christmas ever. My husbands mother died thanksgiving weekend years later and his father died close to Christmas but we still celebrate the holidays. Holidays are hard for us but darn it… we celebrate for the rest of the living and honor my husbands family.
I think your in-laws are down right rude and very disrespectful. I would be pissed off and extremely sad. Not to phone and at least say we are not able to come because it hurts to much is unacceptable. I would definitely say something like Oh so we aren’t celebrating anyone’s birthday anymore?
You have a heart of gold. I’m going to suggest your gift giving may be overwhelming to others. Gift baskets for Valentine’s Day? Not everyone is comfortable with receiving gifts let alone the level you give.
Remember the family lost a parent/grandparent just the year before. They may have been grieving at a level you are not able to understand.
As an example, my MIL passed away on Halloween when my youngest was 5. While we took our baby trick or treating, it was years before I could handle passing candy out to others. 8 years in fact.
We now gather on Halloween and celebrate my MIL at her favorite restaurant.
So while you want to celebrate your birth, your husbands family have other needs.
Add much as this feels about you, it’s not about you. As far as not letting you know they are not coming, they may not have known how to express the disrespect for their needs they were feeling.
I’m sorry you experienced this and it had destroyed your day. Next year you need to be clear that if they are not in a place to celebrate your birth because of their loss you’ll be ok but that you need to know for planning purposes.
If you must approach your in laws about this years faux pas stay by admitting yours, that you didn’t consider they would still be mourning and not feel like celebrating. Forgive them and ask their forgiveness.
Expectations kill a persons soul mate than anything else. Don’t ever expect what you do out of other people. Try it again and the day or 2 before ask who is a definite on coming and adjust accordingly.
Regardless of anything they could have told her they weren’t able to make it. That’s rude and inconsiderate to just not show up and not say anything. They knew when she invited them they weren’t planning to come. And it sounds like the whole family decided together not to show up. Super shitty on their behalf. I don’t know what kind of families some of y’all were raised in but mine taught me to be considerate of other peoples feelings. If you can’t make it don’t let people waste their time money and energy preparing a meal for nothing… They owe her an apology.
I think it’s funny you still expect gifts. Lol. I stopped getting those at like 14 if not sooner.
But honestly the grandpa died last year. I wouldn’t have been going anywhere either that day. Also inviting his family and yours I doubt they wanted to see a bunch of people all happy and joyful on the day their loved one died. If it was a week before or after I wouldn’t see why they didn’t come. But being the first year without him and the day/week of, yea no.
Sounds to me like YOU need to stop doing so much! Just like a relationship, it’s give and receive. Your clearly giving to much and not receiving. Stop doing for everyone else and do for yourself instead.
At 33, I can’t remember the last time I threw myself a party or got a gift other than my mom
That’s a part of life sadly. Some make the effort and some feel the effort is not needed. Now you know who to invite next year.
I’ve just learned not to count on anyone to be there for me aside from my husband.
I always get myself my gift of choice for holidays. Or you get nothing. I like it that way. Then I get what I want or need. I wish my husband still got me gifts but that time has long past. So I spoil myself and count on no one.
Why didn’t you call for rsvp’s before shopping for the party? You say “the day of the party I heard nothing” but did you reach out to everyone to check if they were coming in the days leading up to the party? I am not saying their behavior is okay (it’s not, everyone should have enough sense to decline an invite rather than ignore it completely) but for your part, if you hadn’t heard from them you could have easily sent a few texts stating you needed to know how much food to buy before going to the market. If you cooked for a bunch of people that never confirmed attendance than that’s on you. Again, not blaming you and yes it was crappy what they did but just assuming everyone can make it and not getting a head count for a dinner party is on you. Sorry that happened to you but in the future you need to own your part in the lack of communication (again, not your responsibility but people suck and we have to chase RSVPs, it’s a part of life).
Have your husband let his family know your feelings were really hurt and stop crossing rivers for people who won’t step over puddles for you. Focus your efforts on people who return your vibe. 
What did they say when you invited them? Has there been any other issues with them and what was your husband’s response?
It was rude of the inlaws to not show so id do the same thing to them next time, and I mean youre a grown adult 28 for that matter you dont need presents per se and its hard to buy an established adult a present we dont know what you need or want you didnt make a list like a little kid does, that 50 he thought you could get whatever you wanted or needed for yourself or itd help with a bill
I still celebrate my birthday and I’m 30 
I usually get gifts and cake. 
but I also make a big deal for other peoples birthdays too so maybe that’s why.
Get over it or you’ll make even more waves. Happy Birthday
No one ever shows up for my birthday… I know this feeling all to well
People grieve differently. A year is still very soon in my opinion.
There losss go on with your life, there loss.
I’m sorry but the stigma of not celebrating things after your an adult is dumb. Everyone should be celebrated on their birthday/holidays/ect. Once we stop enjoying the little things is when life is dull. Honestly I’d be so upset if I went to all the trouble of cooking for everyone and they didn’t show up. Gifts aren’t needed in anyway and usually family after a certain age just gives money or a card. I’d of expected everyone to show up unless there was an emergency to at least have dinner. They should have told you a few days beforehand they wouldn’t be making it. Rude. Honestly I wouldn’t stand for that and I’d tell them straight up it was rude not to of at least said hey we won’t be making it happy Birthday. Honestly I won’t be expecting gifts now that I’m an adult but a happy birthday and if an event is created the respect to come if say they are coming.
I personally think you should take a vacay on your birthday and make it special. Ask everyone to join you at their expense. If they decide not to come then so be it. Enjoy the day that God put you on Earth and don’t wait for others to celebrate it with you. They will if they want to. xo
Wanna know what I got for my 30th? Weed i had to pay for and a reef my mom made that fell apart and she promised to fix. Its still not fixed and I’m about to turn 31. Yeah this is the norm. No one really cares to do for anyone else unless it benefits them in some way. I invite family to dinner or for an outting and its always no. Its never on my terms its always on theirs. I don’t ask anyone to do anything anymore period.
It’s normal to not expect a gift but for them to not show up or even acknowledge your birthday is fucked up and shitty that you did everything to just have there presence and couldn’t even get that I would be hurt and upset too if you don’t say anything nothing will get resolved tho and it just sucks when u go out of your way to show these people you love them on their special days and they don’t care on yours I am the same way and it truly is just a huge slap in the face
My brother in law and my mother in law passed away on two of our daughters birthdays, we still celebrate the lives passed and their special days, I feel you were trying to make a nice meal to bring everyone together 
Every once in awhile you get a not so great birthday and if that was due to a death on the in laws side and it was the first year that passed then perhaps your being inconsiderate. Your going to need to give it a few years like it or not or you need to ask them if they would prefer you celebrate a week before or after. They should have told you though
Whenever I try to do anything like this, I will send a group text and give everyone a date to reply by and add ,I need a reply if u are coming so I have enough food, if u come and Idk u are coming there may not be enough".
My family & in laws are the same way, so I just gave up on expecting anyone to show up or even call.
They suck. I’m sorry!
Not to sound rude but honestly, get over it. People are still dealing with covid issues and since so many are being ridiculed by being cautious maybe they didn’t show for that reason and either feel it’s pretty self explanatory or don’t feel the need to get into it. The world is so divided by covid, the vaccines, etc etc. And as far as gifts or whatever, people are still having problems with money. Be an adult and ask if something came up and that you wished they could’ve made it then ‘read the room’ and go from there. If it continues, stop inviting them.
I think that’s rude of them. I guess I have a different opinion than the majority of the people on here. I think you should just give what you get. If you get the cold shoulder do the same back. Only give the energy you are receiving. Don’t do all that you do anymore and I promise they will catch on. Also what does your husband think of all of this. I would talk to him and explain your feelings maybe he can help talk to them.
Gifts shouldn’t be that important
Don’t be afraid to tell them how you feel if they get upset they will get over it
I am a firm believer in reciprocating anything, and even though it was a hard day for them I think they still could’ve called you because let’s be honest, its not like a single one of them weren’t on their phones that day. If they knew you were cooking a huge meal, it would’ve been common courtesy to let you know they wouldn’t be coming. I’m not making any excuses, but mourning a loved one is no reason to completely ignore someone. You’re all adults, you can flat-out say “I know this was a hard day for you all, but it was my birthday and someone could’ve told me ahead of time so I didn’t have to waste so much food for our family. I wanted us too have a nice evening together and I was given the cold shoulder. I’m sorry my birthday happens to be on a day of mourning but it would’ve been considerate to give me a heads up”. You don’t need to please your entire in laws if you’re upset about something, you’re human too and your feelings matter because let’s be real here… if the tables were turned, how would THAT have played out?
Speak up and tell the truth!
Um 28. You’re a big girl now. Don’t expect anything from anyone.
At the very least they could have let you know they weren’t coming.
I think it would have been the right thing to do to let you know if they werent coming. Its nice when you go out of ur way for other people for people to appreciate it and do the same but thats not always the case. You should feel special on your birthday idc how old you are ! I feel for you mama that was hurtful to not even show up or let you know. From now on just go above and beyond for the ppl who go above and beyond for you
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I’m sorry your birthday was not what you expected. But at the same time it was the first year anniversary of their loved ones death and some people take that very hard especially if they were close to him. I doubt they meant to ruin your plans and probably were just so overwhelmed with grief. They may not even realize they hurt your feelings if they were focusing on the loved one lost.
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Stop doing things for them & celebrating.You shouldn’t have been treated like that.You shouldn’t have to cook or plan your own party either.So sad. Ignore these people & stop doing for them.Maybe then they will Appreciate you.
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I get what your feeling the only person in my fiancee’s family besides him to say happy birthday was his dad who we live with everyone cared about how his dad was doing a year after his divorce which took place the day before also I set up a birthday party for some friends and my honey and I cake alchohol but the were one didnt remember setting a date can we move it to next month I’m going to stop trying for my birthday from now on
Sounds like your husband needs to have a chat with his family on how they all disrespected you and hurt you on your birthday. They could have politely declined rather than no call no show. Your husband needs to set them straight! And they all owe you an apology! Disrespectful assholes!!! I’m sorry you have to deal with this and happy belated birthday!
I mean… its rude they were invited and didn’t show but honestly at 28years old, I think its time to stop expecting gifts or special treatment from people on your birthday. Parents and spouses aside in some families. I understand you give to all them and go all out but now you see that not even will or want to reciprocate.
I feel like this is a situation your husband could help to navigate by talking to his family and understanding what they’re thinking or feeling and then helping you to understand what may be going on with them. It is always rude not to respond to someone who has invited you to dinner though. That requires very little effort. If you have a good relationship with them maybe just talk to them about it but acknowledge that this was likely a very hard time for them as well and they were grieving.
Don’t do things for others with expectations attached. They didn’t show. But just be who you are. Not everyone thinks the same way, and not everyone thinks birthdays are all that big of a deal. I do, but that’s me. I don’t expect things from people, and I don’t do nice things for people with expectations attached. All it’s gonna do is hurt you.
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The only present You got was $50, you should feel lucky you got a gift at all. I’m 46 and I think the last time I got a gift was when I was 12 from my mom.
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Just don’t invite them over anymore and don’t go go over when they invite you or you could go and so your self that your the better person. Family in today’s time is not like what it used to be.The word Family doesn’t mean anything anymore now days.
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In my humble opinion, I believe you should treasure the people that did show up. You refer to your sister-in-law, as your bother’s girl, and made a point to metion that you were “shocked,” your family showed up. They care and love you. Sometimes we appreciate the wrong people, we consider some people friends, but to them we are only acquaintences. You should be glad YOUR family showed up. Those that care were there and those that weren’t, well maybe they don’t care.
Did the confirm they would be able to make it? If not then you can’t really be upset they didn’t show. If they did then I’d just have an adult conversation and let them know how you feel. You don’t do things for people expecting something in return you do it out of the kindness of your heart because it makes you feel good.
At 28 u don’t need to celebrate with family go out with friends drink some alco an get wasted
Communication is key if you don’t understand ask it isn’t easy but go to the source than their are no more confusion hit it head on call ask what the heck happened why did no one give enough respect to at least text
Whats sad is they will probably expect you do gonout of your way for them on birthdays and holidays to 
At 28, you shouldn’t ever EXPECT to receive gifts. My mom and brother usually still get me something. My Dad does when he knows I need something; he’s a very practical guy and would rather help me with something big every 5 years than buy me small useless shit every year.
However, it is extremely rude for your in-laws to not even message you saying they couldn’t make it. Let alone knowing it was your birthday! You have every right to feel hurt, upset, pissed, etc. I would be f*cking livid. It’s not hard to send a quick text message saying, “I’m sorry I can’t make it. I hope you have a good birthday”. Unless someone died in their family unexpectedly, that’s BS.
Here is a way to be more okay with it. If this is the biggest problem that you have in life, there’s your present! You contradicted yourself by saying that you only wanted them to show up and have dinner with you, but then said how you didn’t get any gifts from anyone. I kinda felt for you until you said that. Do you have any idea how many children out there don’t get parties or gifts? Your post is very much a first world problem. You’re allowed to be upset about it, but since you asked the internet their opinion…yes, I find this to be very immature, conceited, materialistic and entitled. “I’m 28 and didn’t get the birthday party I wanted”…What a thing to be upset about lol! I truly hope you never have any real problems in life because you won’t have any clue how to handle them.
And before anyone wants to come at me, don’t. She put herself out there and asked for others opinions. I gave mine.
No that’s very rude, I would never do that to my daughter in law🙅
Sounds like everyone involved in this situation need to grow up a little bit.
If you wake up tomorrow morning in a bad mood bitching about your life, just remember you could be running for the last plane out of Kabul. So remember, when they play our national anthem at a meaningless sports event that you’ve purchased overpriced tickets for and you’re drinking $12 beers and basking in the safety of our great country, stand up, pull your pants up and remove your hat. Then place your hand over your heart and appreciate what sacrifices others have given, that let you enjoy this freedom.
God Bless America 
Do the same thing, dont buy anything for them and show up on their gathering. So they’ll taste their own medicine
You cannot expect people to do for you what you do for them…
You sound like you do things just so other people feel obligated to do them back for you and then you get mad and dramatic when it doesn’t happen that way. You set your own self up to be disappointed.