& where’s your man during this dinner?? Why wasn’t he all over his family to get their butts there? Let him sort his family out.
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They should of said something to u about not coming. Ur husband should of said something to them. Forget about gifts it’s the ignoring u and not showing up. Just nothing. I’d be hurt n pissed
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I try to just not take anything personally. My mom is the only one who ever does something for my birthday and honestly as much as sometimes I am like “meh” and get kind of sad about it. It’s not worth getting upset over. You gotta pick and chose your battles. The people in my life mean more to me than my birthday 🤷
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I just went through the one year anniversary of my brother’s death. I wanted to celebrate his life no one else’s. I went to his grave site.
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If you can’t show up to something you’ve been invited to the decent thing to do is to call someone and let them know.
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Give others what you get. Now you know
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I would have sent a confirming message the day before - especially because their grief with the anniversary was right around the corner. And then hoped they showed up.
Try to let go of the anger at them not showing up. It won’t serve you to tell them how upset you are. If you’d like your husband to address it with his family ask him to.
It sucks for sure but if you choose compassion your heart will heal and you will leave room for them. If you make this a contest it will create pain and distance
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They should have at least acknowledged your birthday and politely declined the dinner invite. I understand the grief. My grandma passed away on July 5th and my grandpa passed away the day after our anniversary. Its not easy, but my family still says Happy 4th and Happy Anniversary.
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Did you call and remind them that day ?? Did you send cards/ invites ? I feel badly for you. It seems like they’re ungrateful b@$tards
All of you saying oh shes complaining about gifts. Do yall think maybe thats her love language maybe that is how she feels appreciated. Just cause you like gifts doesn’t mean your any less grown
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Wow no one who posts her gets out unscathed, some of y’all are so mean!!
Just because y’all have been forgotten and don’t recive gifts for your birthday don’t mean others can’t be excited for their own and expect people to show up for them on special occasions.
I don’t think it’s to late and I would first tell my husband, he needs to tell them how disappointed he was that no one showed up for you or even called to say HB.
If he won’t I’d say it myself then let hubs know he is now 100% in charge of all gifts and keeping track of all his family’s occasions, I’m out!
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Wow…that’s extremely disrespectful to not call you and let you know they can’t make it ahead of time. I’m sure they’re the kind that expects you to show up for their birthdays. Don’t acknowledge it, just don’t invite them to anything anymore, then they’ll wonder why and realize.
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You have to confirm #1. But really you need to stop going all out for people who wont even show up for you. I don’t feel like your feelings are unwarranted.
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You should of made sure everyone was coming before cooking all that food to go to waste. People don’t have the same hearts as we do…its a hard lesson to learn. They really should of been considerate enough to let you know they couldn’t make it.
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You don’t give gifts expecting to receive anything back. You do it cuz you have that kind of heart, but if you’re just gonna want something in return then just don’t do it. It’s bogus they didn’t show up but you’re an adult and so are they. People have lives and things happen
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My son’s in laws were the. Same way. And they are all gone now
Yeah forget them people, don’t do anything for them again and I hope your husband stood up to them and defended you, that’s absolutely rude on their part to not show up but expect you to show up to all their stuff smh
Well one his family should have said they werent coming and two stop giving to them. If they can’t appreciate you on your birthday then don’t on theirs. Some people are just selfish like that.
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You’re an adult grow up.
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I would never include them in anything again.
Your husband should let his family know that you were hurt.
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The first everything after the loss of a loved one is so hard. My son will be gone 12 years this September, and he shares a birthday with my best friends son, and it took me years to be able to go to his parties and not just my son’s grave. Try not to take personally. I myself would have packed up the leftovers and gone to them. I would have said that I was sorry they weren’t up to joining us, but hope that they could enjoy the meal.
I’m sorry that nobody was responsible enough to let you know that they wouldn’t be joining though.
I hope you had an amazing birthday either way.
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I had the SAME exact scenario on my 29th from my own family
I learned, then & there, I do for my immediate family & that’s that.
Anyone else I MIGHT acknowledge with a card, if I feel like it.
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Your husband should have reminded his family of the dinner. Don’t worry about next time.
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Your husband should say something.
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I’ve been in the same, its obvious they don’t think of you or appreciate you. Family or not I would never go to any of their functions. I just wouldn’t acknowledge them at all! Its their loss!
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Sounds like you’re more upset about not receiving gifts rather than their presence.
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Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. No need to be rude
Yea they should of definitely told you they weren’t coming. That’s for sure. But…… You sound more upset about not receiving gifts. I think being upset with them is a little selfish and insensitive. I understand it’s your birthday but it’s the 1 year anniversary of the death of a close family member. If you it were me, I wouldn’t have gone either. And you’re not saying they’ve never done anything for your birthday. You’re talking about this one time. You’re overreacting.
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They probably have no clue that it was important to you. Do they eat late? Go to bed early? My dad won’t eat after 6pm. He goes to bed 8:30-9ish. It would be nice if they’d responded that they couldn’t make it, but perhaps they weren’t ready to socialize so soon after losing a loved one. 
. Just give grace. Keep trying. And develope a thick skin …
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Well I personally think your husband should really have a talk with them, & tell them my wife should be treated as one of your own! Had it been my b-day you would of came or atleast had the decently to call ahead so all this food didn’t go to waste, and to atleast wish her a happy bday. Afyer all it is her not me that goes out of the way for all of you
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28? all i got after 21 was a card n as far as the no show family stop inviting them enjoy your family
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Next time around call them and confirm the rsvp. You are a caring person, try not to let this bother you. You love your family, and I can see you like attending the family gatherings, special events, and giving gifts. You go out of your way to show your love however, everyone is different and shows love in different ways. If you give, only do it when you can, and do it without expecting anything in return. You will be much that way. Hope it all works out for you and you family. Sending love! 
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I don’t get what your age has to do with the gift your dad gave you. Your dad gave you what he wanted to give you. It’s a gift you just take it and appreciate it. I would have been happy that he showed up and not care if I got a gift or not. It’s the company that matters not the gift. It sucks that your inlaws didn’t bother to let you know they weren’t coming.
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My husband has had brothers and grandmother’s die sooo close to his own birthday and Christmas time. He would not celebrate his own due to mourning the death of loved ones. Like he would lock himself up on his bday or holiday and not be joining us(his wife and kids), I had enough (8yrs)of mourning that i told him… “Celebrate the live ones u got right in front of u and your own b-day,we might not be here next holiday”.
He just wanted his immediate family to celebrate his birthday. It’s better than being all sour and mourn on those close holidays and his bday.
We don’t invite other people. A few years of mourning is fine but he has a life and bday to celebrate.
I would not expect other family members to celebrate my birthday if their own family died on it.
Just don’t go to their stuff , get a headache and stay home or make other plans. Let your husband go with you and don’t send anything
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You have every right to your feelings. They were rude, inconsiderate, and just plain mean to ignore your invitation and your feelings. Birthdays are special, no matter what age is celebrated. I will be 70 next month. I want to celebrate! You deserve a make up day!
They didn’t say they weren’t coming but did they say that they would be there? I usually make enough food for the ppl who say they’ll come. No more no less. I also would let this pass& get over it. They could still be mourning. Also I’m not sure their ethnicity or culture but some cultures mourn ever year on a loved ones death date & devote that day to remembering their loved ones. I think it is important to express that you are hurt they didn’t show up but it’s also important to forgive them. & Maybe ask them to rsvp next time.
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I wouldn’t go all put for any of them at all anymore 
they can’t come to a simple dinner or at least have the respect for you to let you know they can’t make it.
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When you didn’t get a response you or your husband should have called to check for a tes or no response. But now your husband could pass along to his family that both of you were disappointed that they could not come. However I do agree that 8pm might have been a little too late for dinner especially for older folks to eat that late and for younger children to be up that late. I would not make a big deal about it and try to get revenge by not showing up at the next family party. That will only make things worse and split up the family.consuder your husband’s feelings and that it isn’t worth destroying family relationships. A little kindness and talking out the situation might make the family closer so that next year will be different. If they were grieving perhaps it was a difficult time for them to celebrate. You should be looking forward tonspending time together not getting larger more expensive gifts. Don’t make your husband choose between you and his family.or you will be on the outside looking in.
Your husband should be the one to talk to them about it… and honestly everyone has a different love language but we all need our cups filled. If they couldn’t come they should have sent a gift ot an apology. For now I advise you take a back sit and don’t go out of your way,show up empty handed better still don’t show up.
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Wait we’re supposed to get gifts for out birthday from extended family?
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Stop going all out for them…
Are unveilings not a thing over where you are? We’re they remembering their father instead of attending some brats party?
The way I look at it. Those who really cared for you showed up. Forget the rest of them. The fact that they didn’t even apologize and give some kind of explanation as to why they didn’t make it, shows you right there that they weren’t thinking of you
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Sounds like a pity party to me. Do you do all those things because you really want to do it without expecting anything in return? If not then stop doing for them and plan a special day for you. Make yourself happy!!
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I used to acknowledge my in laws birthday’s even though they never acknowledged mine. I finally got tired of putting in 100% effort with them and getting 0% back. My birthday falls before theirs and if they don’t acknowledge mine with a simple “Happy Birthday”, then I don’t acknowledge theirs either.
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Let Squeek talk to them.
I never really cared for celebrating on the actual birthdays or holidays. Everyone is so busy and they may be having a really rough time with the loss. I found it’s easier to have birthday parties or holiday gatherings an another day around the actual day to ensure everyone can make it. I don’t think my kids have ever had a birthday party on their actual birthday. We still get a cake for their birthday and do something special as a family, but the party is whatever time off my husband and the rest of the extended family and friends have off so we can get as many people together as possible. I’ve had to work so many holidays that I’m pretty sure most family holidays the past few years have been celebrated on different days.
You may not be able to control how you feel, but try to understand that they lost a loved one and may struggle on that day. Make sure to communicate all plans and see what works in the future.
Stop giving your all to ppl that would give a dime…they don’t care
Been there done that, you can only take so much. Stop giving them crap and treat them the exact way they treat you.
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Having recently lost a parent (my mother)you have no idea how hard granted it was your birthday but maybe they didnt feel like celebrating as they were hurting. The only thing they did wrong in my eyes is not tell you but then again when your in a grief bubble you dont really care what others are feeling as you feel so numb. Just be a grown up and be thankful you have your other family over and maybe ask what they need as a family who’s lost someone.
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Regardless of whether or not it was the anniversary of a loved ones sad passing, to not even let you know that they weren’t coming for whatever reason is just rude. This will bother you forever if you don’t say something. Personally, I would be passive about it & call or msg & say ‘I’m sorry you couldn’t make it to my birthday, I really missed you & I know it must have been a hard day for you is everything okay?’
My feelings would be hurt too if people I cared about made no effort, just by not giving me their time. You can offer a bit of understanding by recognising they may still be grieving.
A good lesson to learn is to msg people a few days before to check if they’re still coming so you don’t waste your time & money!
As far as a gift goes, I don’t believe it’s unreasonable to want to feel a bit spoiled on your birthday, but as we get older we shouldn’t expect it to be the same as when we were younger. I’d expect most of the spoiling to come from your husband!
Man up and tell them. Stop pissy footing around.
I can see both sides of the coin, I was born on my grans birthday, she was my best friend, we were together every birthday and she past away in 2013 6 weeks before our birthday. Since 2013 it hasn’t been the same, but you know what, I do my own thing in my own way with who I choose. It hurts with every year that passes 
. I don’t expect someone to check on me when my family have their own families to deal with.
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Wow sounds like my in-laws! And exactly why I don’t even have birthday parties for my own kids anymore. We would show up to almost every party we were invited to, but when it came to our kids nobody could ever show up! So now they just get to plan their whole day out and we spend it as a family!
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I am so sorry this has happened to you. It’s not a great feeling when it’s apparent there’s a lack of concern for our feelings. I’m always of the mindset of honesty & communication, but of course I’m the first to shut down & pull away when I feel hurt. I would hope, however, that you may have the courage to speak up for yourself. Sometimes people can simply be unaware of how insensitive their actions or words are. In all things, kindness & compassion should reign.
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My birthday was yesterday and I didn’t get a gift from anyone besides my boyfriend. Not my mother, brother or anyone else. I feel like expecting gifts from anyone besides your husband is a little bit childish. I know I could never afford to buy every one in my family a gift for their birthdays, some people aren’t as fortunate and live pay check to pay check so buying a small gift could taking away from their bills and necessities. Especially with a pandemic still going on, things are hard for a lot of people.
I do think they could have called or texted to let someone know that they were not coming, but it doesn’t seem like your issue is with them just not coming, but that they didn’t get you a gift whether they came or not.
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A simple phone call would have been appreciated I’m sure. In today’s society, people have forgotten the importance of family.
Your husband’s family should be ashamed of themselves for pulling such an inconsiderate stunt. I’m sorry this happened to you. I would be upset and would certainly rethink the planning of big events in the future. Stick with your immediate family and your extended “family/friends”. Sometimes, like in my case, my friend/family are the most caring
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What about being considerate and asking the in-laws if they would be comfortable having dinner on that date to celebrate her birthday? Chances are if given the opportunity, they probably would have asked for her to schedule it on a different night. I think communication goes both ways. In fact they’re probably just as offended that she scheduled something without working with them, because she did not take into consideration their pain.
It sounds like to me that she was bummed the year before because of the death she didn’t have a celebration, so this year she took it upon herself to plan something regardless of anyone else’s feelings. Should they have called to say they couldn’t make it, yes, but it sounds like to me that Ms. 28 has a lot of growing up to do.
There was no reason that this has to be all or nothing. She chose to make a difficult situation for her in-laws by only thinking of herself and her feelings on that day. I get it, birthdays are important…blah, blah, blah…but so is being a compassionate human.
Again, yes,they should have declined, but Ms. 28 should have never put them in that position, and considered them as well.
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If that date was the one year anniversary of the death then IMO it was in poor taste to schedule a celebration centered around the birthday girl. In my experience the few weeks leading up to that anniversary was worse than the actual day itself so I can understand the family not just declining the invitation and having “bad manners” or being “selfish”.
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Honestly I think you are making it out to be more than it is. So what if you didn’t get presents?? They lost a close family member exactly one year before. They probably don’t feel like celebrating on the anniversary of his death. They are probably still mourning the death of their loved one. It’s very inconsiderate and selfish of you to be upset over not getting presents or not having the party you wanted
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The lack of presents part is pretty normal for 28 but “No call. No show” for your birthday dinner is not normal or kind.
It’s okay to ask why no one came but be prepared for the answer to hurt your feelings. There is nothing wrong with wanting to know where you stand with people.
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Oh my gah…the level of immaturity here and in these comments is astounding!
You are an adult! Twenty-eight damn years old to be exact! Your husband lost a grandfather and his parent lost a father only a year ago and you are concerned about your birthday being a flop!?! How selfish & inconsiderate.
Definitely confront them…I’m sure your husband would really appreciate the fact that his petty wife is upset that she wasn’t the center of attention on the one year anniversary of his grandfather’s death.
Don’t bother with the inlaws that don’t even bother to wish you happy birthday.
That’s their bad upbringing.
Be thankful for your own family.
This is why RSVP is so important… Unfortunately times have changed and ppl dont even know what that means anymore…
If i planned something like this (& i def cant afford to waste food) i would have been buggering them to know if they were coming BEFORE the day came
But thats just me
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Birthdays are just another day, you said that a family member passed last year on your birthday and that it was your husband’s grandfather. They are probably taking that time to them selves. My mother in law passed on July 17,2020 and our very close friend well that’s his birthday, we didn’t celebrate with him because we were sad and still mourning the loss of someone. As you get older gifts aren’t always a thing, if you feel you do too much and don’t get that same energy from others then stop putting effort in where it’s not reciprocated.
I think your husband should be the one to point out to his family what you wanted (loved ones together for your birthday) and where they messed up (not even addressing that they wouldn’t be coming). Yes birthdays get smaller and less cared about as you get older (in some families) That’s not the point here. If your husband saying something to them will cause a big problem, let it go this time and keep being your sweet self for their birthdays. If they do it again, I’d stop caring so much about other’s special day
They might be upset that you chose to have a party on the first death anniversary.
I suggest let this thing go.
Next year it will be better and if it is the same behaviour from them then you must discuss it with your husband and have him talk to them. It’s your husband’s job to manage his family.
I stopped celebrating my birthday at 25 and I made a big deal out of not celebrating and becoming another year older… But to my surprise I get a birthday every year because I bitched about it… And my sister n law left us on my birthday month it took years for people to be happy on my month. Now hold not expectations. Just love them maybe hold off on the gifts. Let your presents be their present. 
Sending love and Happy Belated Birthday.
Just start to fall back. When they have something going on dont show find other plans. No reason to continue to put effort into things or people that can’t do the same back genuinely. They showed no respect not even a call.
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On the anniversary of a family members death I believe you were expecting too much, especially on the 1st anniversary. I wouldn’t do anything on the anniversary of my grandads death except grieve and probably spend the day feeling sorry for myself, laughing at fond memories and crying about everything he’s missed! My grandad has been gone 17 years next Tuesday and every year feels the same as the day we lost him! You need to allow them to grieve for their loss, a year really isn’t that long and will still be very fresh for them all x
My mil arranges birthdays for her kids and not the spouses. My family does the same. I don’t think it’s odd to not have a party with the inlaws for an adult. The only time we have parties for inlaws on either side is if their spouse arranges for a 30 or 50 or etc party.
When we were kids, the only family get together we had was my birthday, my twin cousins birthday in 1993, then again my graduation, because I was the only graduate that year. The only reason is because my grandma had flown out from Missouri to Washington. But I also have to look at it this way for now: Covid. Not everyone is ok going to get together’s at this moment. Not even me. I have missed 8 funerals since March. One thankfully was live, so that helped us out. Just start throwing yourselves and your husband a grand dinner on your birthday from now on. I know family is important. (out of revenge if someone invites you be the better person and rise above it)
I can’t even tell you the last time I got a gift for my birthday let alone a dinner party with family. It’s life. Shit happens.
Start doing stuff for you and your immediate family, and whoever else is there for you consistently. Tbh I’d ignore the others- better yet let your husband deal with them and stand up for you. No matter if the date was an issue or not, still being polite and honest with you would have been best. Communication is key
You are doing too much but you are expecting back something from that. When you do something from the heart you dont expect nothing back, and stop making gift baskets, watch how fast they notice something is wrong with u! Spend more time for u and your fam and fck everyone else.
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Honey, not everyone has a heart like you. I say this out of utmost respect, but when you are a giver amongst so many takers in your life, you will run empty well before you will be filled back up. Personally, I have had to cut people as those out of my life. It’s only noticed how much you do when you cease to do it.
Be an adult and TELL THEM it hurt your feelings but also remember they are in pain from the loss of there dad. It’s a bit selfish to expect the. To think less of that event that happened even though it sadly happened on your birthday.
I’m sorry but it sounds like the pain of losing that loves one takes priority over your birthday.
I’m so sorry that happened to you, that’s really crappy. Now I wouldn’t be going out of your way for them anymore. Just my opinion! By the way Happy Belated Birthday.
To be brutally honest, she’s 28 years old and mentioned several times she didn’t get gifts. She knew it was the one year anniversary of the death of an in-law. She sounds childish and self-centered. What did she expect? A boatload of gifts with a bouncy house and party hats? If she knew about the anniversary, she should have been more considerate and planned a dinner party on a day at least a week after the anniversary. Just because she gives gifts doesn’t mean the others must reciprocate. It’s time to grow up and not expect gifts like kid would. I do agree the in-laws should have given her advanced notice of their inability to attend.
It was the one year anniversary of their fathers/grandfathers death?
Maybe you should have planned the party the week before or the week after?
Just a thought
It isn’t that hard to have a birthday party on a different day. You sound like a very caring person. I think you need to eat these feelings this time. It was very insensitive to know that day hurts them and even though it’s your birthday, they aren’t ready to party on that day. It’s ok to celebrate your birthday on another day and you aren’t giving anything up for it. Remember when we were kids and we’d have our parties on the weekend when our birthday was during the week. Same concept except death is always going to overshadow your day in the in- laws life. And considering it is a death, it’s reasonable.
Yeah it’s no one’s fault he died on your birthday, but you can be aware that they aren’t ready to party on a day that hurts them.
I lost my dad 16 years ago. Never once have I felt like having or going to a party on his death day. I have called out of work and hid from the world on that day. But party, nope, it’s not a day I can participate in the world like it’s nothing.
If Im inviting people over I get a count on whos coming. Birthdays are overrated but then again Im 61. I havent cared for years and think its another day
My advice ( I feel you are completely justified to feel hurt) is if you truly think you do more than what is reciprocated then slow down a bit. I am much older than you (47 years old) and have found myself
More and more hurt as the years go by and I see everyone’s need, pain, remember and plan and host, birthdays, baby showers, and the list goes on and on. I act without others asking. I give until I am exhausted. And this year I found myself in need of a helping hand a few times and most of those people do not even look our way. Act like they don’t notice we need a thing. I was horribly hurt and said so. But I realized that the only person I can change is me. So I go above and beyond for those that look my way, that care when I am in need as well. The others will fend for themselves, they will use others, not me anymore. I am the only one i can control so I will not put my self in situations where its only one sided. It is too hurtful and heartbreaking. So love those who are good to you and go out of your way for those people. The others…… just love them. Don’t go out of your way, don’t expect you from them, just realize not everyone was raised to appreciate and reciprocate. Change your way of thinking. It is hard but saves a lot of hurt feelings I have realized in my life. Good luck dear!! Reflection of others not you.
The anniversary of someone’s death is not a good time to celebrate
I would have a gentle conversation with them. If you don’t like conflict( many are not good with conflict) I suggest what I call the sh#t sandwich. Positive, nagative,positive lol you do this buy expressing remorse or empathy over their struggles with their loss then explain that ypu had really looked forward to them coming for your birthday, then express that you understand if they would rather not partake in things but request they kindly let you know next time you plan something because you were just excited for their presence and it can avoid any miscommunications for future.
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Definitely normal even after 18 honestly. I guess it depends on your family dynamic. But mine after 18 you’re an adult. You don’t get gifts like a child would or a party like a child would. And I don’t think you’re taking into consideration it’s there 1 year without they’re grandfather
I think your husband should be the one to ask why they didn’t show up, also was a reminder sent a couple days before? Did they say they would show up when first getting the invite?
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Families can be difficult and the fact that it was your inlaws, well that says alot. You can’t expect the same love back from people, they aren’t you. You always be you and if you want to show people love than do that. Sometimes it doesn’t come back to you. You can’t get hurt over that. God sees the good in your heart so that should be all that matters. Atleast someone showed up for ya, tho. Some people have no one. Look at the good and don’t dwell on that bad.
The gifts shouldn’t matter but seem to be a main concern… as an adult we don’t really get gifts anymore unless it’s our kids or our spouse. As far as them not showing . That day sucks for them they could have said something to you letting u know that day is too rough to celebrate with you because they are still mourning that day for the other person. But don’t make it about the gift. And just tell them look I know that day is a sad day but it is also my day and a reason not to hate the day. So please don’t ruin it for me.
Maybe because it was the first anniversary of his death that kept them away and really had nothing to do with you. I wouldn’t say anything to them. If anything your should let them know how you feel. Let your husband manage his family. I haven’t spoken to my in-laws in 11years because 1. They never liked me. 2. They never liked me.
It was easier for me to just step out cause nothing I would have said or did would make them like me. So why bother. Focus on what goes on at your house your happiness and your husbands happiness. Just let it go
I think I would’ve scheduled a dinner maybe for a different night. I think when you turn a certain age it’s just not as big of a deal anymore to celebrate with a big crowd on the specific date. I don’t think gifts are expected either.
I think this is how family grudges are made and kept for YEARS. The main thing lacking was communication from both parties. It doesn’t seem odd to you that the entire family didn’t acknowledge the dinner? Did you do something to piss them off? No? Then why would they ignore you? I’ve lost more family in the last year (including my mom) and I would still accept or decline a dinner invite. The first thing I would’ve done is ask who was coming a day or two beforehand…especially if I was buying all the food. Since that wasn’t done…now I’d just send a quick text asking if I did something to piss so and so off since they blew me off. And if so, what did I do so I can apologize. If not, maybe they didn’t get the message, maybe they got it then life got in the way and they forgot. What a waste to be passive aggressive by ignoring them now for family functions/ holidays when it may not have been personal at all, and now they don’t understand what they did to make you ignore them. What an exhausting cycle when a “hey, what happened” text could clear it up in a few minutes.
It’s normal not to get presents at your age…it’s nice but not necessary at all lol. BUT it is rude that they didn’t tell you they were both coming. Unless…did they ever actually say they WERE coming? It’s an emotional day for that side of the family. Unfortunately it landed on your birthday. It is what it is. If they told you they would come and then didn’t show or notify you, that’s rude. However, if they never actually responded and said they would be there, I’m not sure why you have any expectations. I’m sorry your going through this. Birthdays are fun, but at a certain point it’s really not a big deal unless it’s the 30, 40, 50, 60 etc. I don’t even want people to know I’m turning 30 next year lol Presents or surprises have not been expected since I turned 21.
Considering you cooked bought invited and do for them every time you are not wrong to feel some sort of way. Don’t buy gifts for them for anything anymore. Hubby can it’s HIS family. Also why didn’t hubby cook or do something for your bday? Just quit telling them about you and hubbys life and plans and don’t include them in anything. They are rude af
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The gift part… As you become an adult gifts aren’t always expected. Sure your parents MIGHT do something but I don’t expect even my parents to give me anything period. Yes I love when my parents come over to see me on my birthday or even just call because they have stuff going on in their lives too. I don’t expect my husband’s family to do anything. We go all out for kids on their birthdays. As adults we might go out to eat or do something special with our husbands or wives or something but I sure don’t expect anyone to go out of their way to make a huge deal over our birthdays. As our parents get older and we don’t know how many birthdays they will have left I go out of my way to do something big for their birthdays or have the kids make them something special homemade. But as adults you grow up to not expect someone to have a birthday party for every single adult and kid in the family! That would make someone go bankrupt trying to do all that! Birthday parties are for kids to celebrate with them as they get older and for our elders in my view.
Now for the dinner date I wouldn’t cook for every one invited. I would invite them then later make sure they are planning on coming before I cook or buy everything to feed everyone. Double check to make sure nothing came up or if they just aren’t coming. Always! I’m sure if you would have called and asked they would have told you they weren’t coming. If it was just a year ago someone that close to them died they are probably in mourning. Let them mourn.
I have learned in life to give from your heart and to expect nothing…you will not be hurt and if someone does do something in your favor, you have been blessed.
Keep your mouth shut on this one if you value them. Unfortunately you created this due to a lack of sensitivity and awareness of others. They don’t owe you an explanation you owe them an apology for not being self aware enough to put them in that spot.
When your parent/ gp passes you aren’t partying on their day for any reason.
Distance yourself from their gatherings and maybe they’ll get the hint. When people don’t appreciate my presence, I let them experience my absence.
All she wanted was a simple family dinner with everyone. They could have just told her they weren’t coming.