How would you react if you overheard your husband talking to his mom about how I do not take care of the house or cook for him when hes off work? literally just bashing me thinking i am in bed and not listening to anything they were saying…i feel broken and hurt…do i approach this?
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. How would you feel if you overheard your husband and MIL bashing you?
Stop cooking and taking care of the house, then they can be right
And you can relax
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Run. But I would’ve walked out and been like ok that’s fine I can REALLY not do a thing around this house and see how it turns out. I’m you’re wife not your mama or your maid.
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Were they bashing you or was he venting to her? I think there is more to the story. I’ve had my brothers vent to me over similar things because his wife was just lazy. I think both husband and wife are responsible for the household so are you doing your part?
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I would have taken a suitcase with his clothes to him and sent him on his way with his mother. She can take care of him from then on.
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divorce him and send him back to mommy
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Tell her to get out of your house, and take her son with her, and she can cook for him.
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Talk to him about it. let him know you heard and that you don’t appreciate it
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I stopped doing everything for him including lunch for work . He got the clue of it trust me .
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Quit doing shit around the house. And when he asks why say u were only proving his point that u do absolutely nothing around the house to see how he really likes it
I would have walked in sat my butt down looked at them both and said continue on so I know what ism not doing anymore and see how he like that… IAM petty 
It depends.
Is he just venting to his mama because he’s butt hurt or feeling insecure? (He IS privately talking to his own parent)
Or is he being derogatory and straight up destroying you. And it feels like more than momentary anger? Etc?
Because I’ve def vented to my mom (etc) when I had her. If I was feeling hurt or unloved. And that’s normal. 
Oh my god go up to him and tell him something that’s what I do wen he talks to his mom about me or wen he hangs up I call him out that simple go tell him something
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What? I would let him have his momma … that’s just plain wrong. I am sorry he & your so called MIL did that to you 
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Leaving is a good idea if you do not have kids but you better be financially independent.
I woulda gone in that room and been like naw y’all can talk TO me
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Do you? Were they speaking the truth?
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I’d tell him if he feels that way he can go back to his moms
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Yes I would…. He should be taking to you instead of his mother
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Honestly instead of worrying about why he talked to her about it, figure out the root of the issue
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Nah just do absolutely nothing just do u fk that
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You’re not his mama or his slave. If he’s off he can help. If you’re both working, and taking care of the kids counts, you should both be pulling your weight around the house. The only way he has the right to be annoyed is if you leave it all to him.
I’ve spent most of the last year and a half as a sahm, to a child that isn’t my boyfriend’s. And he still freaking comes home and jumps in to help do what needs done. And he makes breakfast and coffee on weekends.
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I would have walked out and let him know he can stay with his mom since he wants to run his mouth about you to her .
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It is NEVER appropriate for either spouse to speak about their marriage to relatives or friends. A conversation with your husband needs to happen.
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Make him Mac n cheese and ask if his mothers is better
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I’d be in there so fast
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If he has an issue with you, then he should be discussing it with you. NOT his mom!
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Confront them and say if your mother raised you right and you know you aren’t his mother you are his wife and he should be contributing to the house and helping his wife not expecting you to be his slave…
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Now see, my ass would have walked out with a duffle bag of clothes and said “here babe, I packed a bag for you to go back to your mommas house since she’s SO much better at life than me. Have fun!” 
Yes you approach this.
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I would be furious and I’d tell him to fuck off to his mums if he wants to bitch to her about me!
I wouldn’t have kept quite
I would have confronted them both
If he doesn’t like how you do things he can help or go home to his mummy
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…. If he wants a mom and not a wife, he can go back to his moms. You shouldn’t have to wait on him hand and foot. He’s a grown man. You and him are partners-equals. There’s 0 reason for him to not help cook or clean around the house that he lives in
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I would have told them both to eff off right there
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I would of handed him a bag full of his sh*t and told him that he clearly still needs took care while looking at his mom and telling her it was her turn 
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I’d send a group text to both of them letting her know that her son’s bag will be packed and she can pick him up for dinner and keep him for the week. Your job is to be a wife, not a mother to a man child. Send that baby back his mom. Byeeeee 
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Give him a can of ravioli to eat🤣 I would’ve been up outta that bed sooo FAST!
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I would of walked in the room and asked them what they’re talking about lol. See what they would of said
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My answer depends on has your husband voiced this to you before ? Or constantly ? Or was this totally out of the blue ? Also I personally don’t consider him saying you don’t take of the house or cook when he’s home “bashing” . Now if he said “my wife’s a lazy piece of s$** and blah blah blah “ then oh absolutely not ok .
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I would’ve marched out there and been like since he’s still sucking your tits, you get to take him home!
Depends, are you hurt because he is right ?
Any way, You should have said something at the moment
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Tell him off if he wants to be treated like a baby let him go back to his mommy his disgusting 
and a mama’s boy as for his mother there’s nothing to respect there
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He’s not your son tell him to cook his own meals and clean his own mess or f off back to his mummy 
Sounds like communication issues. Y’all need to talk and figure out what’s expected from eachother so he’s not venting to his mother.
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Pack him a bag and tell his ass that if he wants a mommy to go live with his. If he wants a woman, to pull his weight around the house. Tell his mother to fuck off or take her man child with her
Stick up for yourself. Say something to your husband!
It’s pretty normal for people to vent though. It’s hurtful for sure! I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings at all here, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t vent about my hubby from time to time.
My favorite life lesson comes to mind here….
It’s absolutely none of our business what other people’s opinions of us are. Period.
Read it again.
Definitely speak to your husband but dont worry too much about MIL’s opinion if you can help it! It’s not going to help the situation between you and your hubby.
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Ok wait.
My first question is, has your husband communicated to YOU how he feels? Is this an ongoing problem? Do you make him feel seen, heard, and validated?
Because that’s what a marriage (partnership) is. Communicating needs and reciprocating.
Are you lazy? Do you work full time and then he expects you to take care of the home and him? Or do you have an agreement in your household where each of you has “roles”?
Maybe him talking to his mother is because he’s needing to talk about a problem you’re not willing to listen to? I love my mom and still at 41 ask for her advice. She’ll tell me if I’m wrong too 
.
Talk to your husband about how you’re feeling but be sure to not get defensive when he voices his feelings.
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Going through this same thing 
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I guess he needs a mom. He should go live with her.
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Leave. They do not respect you.
They thought you were gonna be his mom lol
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I would be packing his bags
Literally do nothing for him. When he eventually says something just say go talk to your mum about me. That always helps doesn’t it.
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Do you work as well? What about him making you dinner when you get off? They always acts like they need taken care of. My husband soon found out that’s not gonna happen what I do on some days(cooking, cleaning, dishes) he picks up the rest of the days. If he is not happy that we are a team there is the door. The woman shouldn’t be made to do it all.
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I would bring it up. I would sit down with him. Time for a hard conversation.
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I would’ve said something right then and there for sure. Hope things get better 
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People just can’t up and leave their life is there so telling her this is not realistic she needs to talk to him maybe it’s her we don’t know her maybe they have kids together that would be sad for them right , just talk to your husband hun you’ll be ok 
Girl I was VERY pregnant and working in a factory we had 3 other kids and this happened to I flipped out lol then stopped doing it all and voicing my opinion every time they should help
Leave him, your husband should not be disrespectful to his mother or anyone about u, he should he talking to uou about it… first have it out with it why he bashing uou to his mother etc then why he being so disrespectful etc
You leave him, he sounds  misogynistic
I would have walk right on in on the conversation. If you do not confront him about this it will only cause you to resent. Ask him what he is talking about/ give you an explanation of what he said
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I’ve learned not to involve in laws. If I ever have a problem with my other half then I talk to them about it and we come up with a solution together.
I would not be impressed if I heard them complaining to their mother especially if they hadn’t even approached me about it.
Mothers remember these things, they mark it against the significant other and meddle in things that do not concern them.
If you need to vent or find advice, find a non biased party that will look at both sides and give an honest response.
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Burn it to the ground
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I’d walk out and say “well this is awkward. I hope you realise that I can actually hear you. Haha. Next time can you be a bit smarter and at least try to do it not within earshot. That can’t be hard to figure out. Like I’m literally right in there”. Then laugh and shut the door.
That’s what I did when the nurses at the hospital were laughing about my weight. (I used to be 90 kilos heavier so I’m used to it). Silly impressions by adults isn’t going to make me cry, it’s going to make me think you’re a weirdo for not being smart enough to not get caught.
You can go out and scream at people further making them think their behaviour is ok. Or you can basically just call them an idiot calmly and walk away.
I hope she atleast gave good advice to him that was best for both of you. You gotta be careful who you go to for support though as not everyone has yours or the other persons best interest at heart. Some will use this as a way to manipulate someone for their own agenda by playing on the fact some people in general often like the attention they get from complaining.
I hope things get better soon.
I hope he isn’t lying though. That’s a whole nother story if he is
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Call them out on it.
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Is it true? There is a difference between bashing ypu and just home venting. If it’s the truth, then that is on you to fox it and he really does nothing wrong. Men get frustrated as well and that is ok. That is his mom. Either way you should definitely come out and talk to him about it.
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I mean, people are aloud to vent to friends and family. Saying you don’t cook and clean doesn’t sounds much like bashing? Do you cook and clean? Are your feelings hurt because there is truth to that statement? Next time stop being if it’s “bashing” stand up for yourself. And get your butt up and say something.
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Sorry, I would just leave. There’s no way I would put up with that. Go find someone that appreciates you.
He’s allowed to vent to his mom, what he’s not allowed to do is diminish what you actually do. If you work then you work. If you’re home all day and the house is a mess then he has point. I’d just talk to him!
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I WOULD GO OUT THERE AND SAY YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME TRY SAYING IT TO ME
And if you want to be waited on go back to your mommas
You live here too so if you both work you should both clean why should it be all you
He eats there so he should help with dishes
He should help with everything
Sounds like a whinny pathetic baby that expects you to do it all
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Is there a reason why he’s saying that stuff? Is it true?
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You know now how he really feels so you can act accordingly. He doesn’t like your cooking and cleaning so don’t lift a finger for him any longer. He can so it himself.
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Have a conversation with him, ask him why? Leaving is drastic when the situation could be remedied
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Should have had it out then and there.
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Hell, yes call him out. What an ass
Sounds like he doesn’t appreciate you. Definitely don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing for him anymore. I’d be really sad if i overheard that but now you know.
I’m sure he complained to you about it. 2 sides to this story.
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Absolutely call them out in the act. This was not venting…this is disrespect literally right in your face. I would be super upset, want counseling, and would make a chore chart for the house (maybe include his mom on it too since she seems to be so comfy in your house)
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Everyone saying “well is it true?” Or “I’m sure he said something to you first” it’s not you’re responsibility to take care of him you’re his wife, not his mom…
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So you over heard them if you do clean and cook and do everything for him and he’s complaining then leave and let his mama do it all but if your not cleaning and cooking then why are you surprised he’s talking your not a slave nor a maid and he needs to contribute too takes 2
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Hell yeah next time bust up in that room like
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I would of busted in like…
I’d call out them together next time you guys get together.
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My guess is that you do the housework and the cooking. The thing is he’s not satisfied with how you do it or that you ask him for help. If that’s the case, I would start making preparations to leave. Put back money. Get household stuff together. Start packing up your stuff until you just have out what you need for a day or two. Make arrangements for a new place where he can’t find you. Then one day when he’s at work, load up and go. Leave your wedding ring and key. Block him on your phone and let your next contact be service of divorce papers. There’s no sense in staying where you aren’t wanted or appreciated. Learn to value yourself. And if his statements about your housekeeping slipping and motivation to cook being down were true… once you find a job and get insurance… see about getting into getting treated for depression. It sounds like you may have had this coming on. And if you’ve been married to a man who slams you behind your back instead of asking you if anything is wrong… you may have reason to be depressed.
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I’d confront the husband and mother in law together. I’d rip them both a new one. If he has an issue then he needs to discuss it with you and not bash you with his mother.
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Confront both. You need to stick up for yourself. You are not his maid or mom. He knows where the stove is.
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Your husband is venting to his Mom.
Everyone vents at some point about his or her partner to another person.
Usually, the person being spoken about does not hear the negative comments.
I am very sorry you overheard those hurtful words.
I have the best husband in the world but I’ve complained about some his habits and idiosyncrasies to others.
And though I’m the best wife in the world, I’m sure my wonderful husband has some complaints about some minor annoyances and idiosyncrasies of mine. 
And… I’m sure you have done the same about your husband but he didn’t overhear you.
Obviously, he is not happy, perhaps with you, perhaps just having a bad day, but for some reason doesn’t feel he can talk to you.
I wouldn’t blow up.
I would look into myself.
Is there any truth to his complaints?
Why does he feel as though he can’t come to you with his concerns and complaints?
But once your mother-in-law left, I would bring it up.
I would calmly tell him how hurt I was.
I would ask him why he didn’t tell me directly what the issues were.
I would discuss it with him.
And I would listen to his answers. Really listen.
This can be a learning experience, a growing experience, for both of you.
I sincerely hope you ignore the advice of the people who are urging a more retaliatory, more hurtful response.
I wish you both well.
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If he isn’t happy there, go somewhere else.
You definitely have the right to speak out and you have a mama’s boy for him to go complaining to her he needs to grow up
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I’m 100% certain you have vented about him to someone and he just happened to not hear it.
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You are not his maid or Mom. Definitely discuss with him and ask him what it is that he expects. Do you stay home? Are there children? Because I thought when I started staying home I would wait on my husband hand and foot when he was off work. Now, our house is a mess and I suck as a house wife. We have 3 kids and I keep other kids also so I’m very busy. But still, not how I thought it would be.
Silently pack your stuff and leave
Now that you know he doesn’t love nor respect you it’s time to go. Maybe mommy can take care of all that for him when he moves back in lol!
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Yes listen to patti. He will continue to talk down on you start packing your important things pictures etc… Put in your truck of ur car. Save money… Be ready.
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If you are not working and he is working full time and taking care of all bills you should be stepping up with the cleaning and cooking or if your not working you can find a job amd help pay the bills its not a man’s job to do it all
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If he has an issue with his wife he needs to take it up with her and not his mother. We all vent or complain about things at times it’s normal but he honestly should be discussing the issue with you not his mother who now is tainted and will have bad thoughts about you just because of what he said. We don’t know the other side of the story so we can’t judge her or tell her it’s not just the man’s responsibility to work maybe she works maybe she takes care of the kids all day maybe she has health issues. It dosent mayter be here to help and support her not judge her. No one knows what we as individuals walk through daily in life. All you Karen’s and Dave’s need to rethink your comments and try to be supportive rather than judgmental.
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