How would you feel if your childs father dyed their hair without asking you?

Mom’s how would u feel if ur childs father and his family dyed their hair at the age of 4? My ex-husband dyed our 4 year old daughters hair BLUE without asking me how I’d feel or if I’d be ok with it I’m so upset that I’m nearly crying she had beautiful strawberry blonde hair idk how to cope with this…


So what it will grow out!

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Is she happy with? That’s all I’d care about :two_hearts:


I think the most important question should be… Does it make your daughter happy? Does she smile & giggle whenever she sees her own reflection? Don’t let your anger at her father… Take away from her light! Her hair wont be blue forever, but the way you make her feel about it will. At the end of the day she’s happy, healthy and full of all the magic “blue hair” can bring.:blue_heart::blue_heart::blue_heart:


Is your daughter happy with it? My reaction would largely depend on that. If she’s happy then it’s not a fight worth having, it will come out. It’s just hair.


Personally it wouldn’t be a big deal for me. Most fun colors aren’t permanent. I did my daughters hair blue when she was 4 and she was so happy about it. Then we did green, red, turquoise and even black. I’m all for letting kids express themselves however they want to. That’s how they learn who they are and what they like. It maybe would have been better to talk to you first but he’s a parent too. Would you cut her hair or paint her nails without asking him? To me, that’s about the same difference. It’ll wash out, grow out and it’ll be fine. Just remember she’s listening and watching you right now and your negative reaction can have an affect on her. She’s still your beautiful baby.

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Communication is key. But as long as there wasn’t any important event coming up and it’s not permanent hair dye ( could cause damage) and she is happy I wouldn’t be upset.

My reaction would depend on if its safe & washes out after so many washes or if it was permanent box dye.


My kids’ hair has been every color in the rainbow it seems like. I started when they were around 4. I have 4 kids 4, 14, 16, and 17. It wasn’t permanent came out in like a month. To this day I still do it for them. I never consulted their father. They LOVED expressing themselves with color. Let them be and just maybe ask him to keep you in the loop from now on and i dont mean him saying something to you for him to ask permission either… Don’t make a bigger deal than it is.

Tbh I’ve dyed my kiddos hair half blue :blue_heart: half pink :heartpulse: as SHE asked for it for being good all school yr. I delivered and she rocked it the last week of school and the librarian LOVED it. It was manic panic so semi permanent and washed out by start of school the following yr. He definitely should have asked you first.

The dye will come out it’s not permanent, and your daughter might like it and feel pretty, just think it as dressing up

First thing I ask: do you do anything without asking him? Second : does she love it? It’s only hair it will fade out and grow


My reaction would depend on the level of permanence. If it is permanent hair dye I’d probably be a little upset. But if it’s the kind that washes out in a few weeks, no big deal. The wash out kind these days is more like doing a deep conditioning treatment and won’t damage her hair. Regardless, communication should be there between parents.


My son was 5 when he wanted a pink Mohawk! It’s just hair it will wash out and grow out! Let them have fun and be unique!


Do you ask him for permission everytime you do something with or for your child. it’s not permitted it will wash out or grow out


Hell naw lol that’s crazy. I’d be fine with dying her hair, but can you say something first? esp if it’s an ex. Our hair is important in our culture and I’ve worked so hard to grow her hair long and healthy. Don’t cut it or change it without us communicating.


I still let my kid dye her hair without her dad knowing and we are still married, she is 14 and he comes home from work and surprise lol


An amicable relationship with your daughter’s father is far more important than her hair color. Her hair will grow out. Let this go.


It is not the end of the world. Embrace change. Hope the child likes blue.


It’s fine. She’s see it everywhere we go now days. It will wash out and she will have the memory of her hair being blue.

If she likes it that’s all that matters.

My son wanted his hair dyed for the first time at that age, he also wanted blue hair. And he got it.
It’s just hair, it will fade. It is a little annoying he didn’t bring it up with you first, but if your daughter is happy with it that’s all that matters.

My mom is a beautician and she always did fun stuff like that with my hair. Never ran it by my dad because he knew hair grows out and it’s nothing that is or was hurting me. They divorced when I was 8 I’m almost 36 now. Still not ded or hurt from hair color.


My ex bleached our daughters hair and colored it blue but it turned green when she was 5! I was super livid! But once I calmed down and thought about it its just hair. It will grow back. My daughter was happy and that’s all that mattered.

If it’s a wash out dye I wouldn’t be concerned

blue is one of the hardest colors to fully get out lol wonder what one he used…

He definitely should have communicated with you. I understand your frustration 4 is too young imo


Better Question is when you get her hair cut do you ask his permission to cut her hair. If not why should he ask you to do something with her hair.


Would you ask his permission first?

If it is temporary hair dye on his weekend then fine but if its an unagreed upon bodily change that she brings home for you to deal with thats something you should get a custodial modification about before she comes home with tattoo’s piercings, and cult memberships

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I think a big part of it too is who the primary caregiver is. I have custody of my daughter and will let her father know about big things out of courtesy but at the end of the day, I can and have made decisions without involving him


I don’t think it’s the dye but the fact he didn’t include her or inform her in such decisions
My son dad calls and ask me if he should take him to the barber it’s a respect thing

Huge deal because the underlying issue here is lack of communication and respect.


It’s hair , it will wash out . There are much bigger battles to pick let him have this one . As long as the child is happy that’s all that matters


It’s just hair. Its not permanent and it will fade.
If it makes her happy then get over it. It’s not like he tattooed her or something.

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I would just laugh :joy: Pick your battles


As long as it was a temporary color that didn’t damage the hair, I wouldn’t care. I’ve sent my kid to her dad’s with colored hair. He just compliments her and moves on with life. That seems like a pretty insignificant thing to stress over, imo.


It’s just hair, she’s a kid, the dyes come out pretty quickly. You’re upset but maybe she likes it… anytime my kids have had their hair dyed they have loved it.


If it’s the kind that comes out and hopefully he has enough sense to use that kind I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it .

It’s just hair. If she wanted it, it’s fine.


The level of control that some mothers think they have…… :grimacing: is wild


I would want them to discuss it with me first, but I wouldn’t be against it as long as it what was the child wanted and safe, temporary hair color was used.

This must be an only child. It will grow. It might even wash out. Chill. I’m sure your daughter is thrilled and it would be nice if you didn’t ruin it for her.

I’d be annoyed but if she likes it I guess I wouldn’t say much about it. If she’s in school that’s a different story.

I’d only be mad if my kid was crying because she didn’t want blue hair. Or if they used splat because there are better options especially for blue hair.


To be completely honest I’d be upset. I’m very strong on no body modifications until the child is mature enough to know what they’re doing & asks for it without pressure.

On the other hand at least it’s hair. It will grow out. You may want to go to court & have it added to your order that each parent needs to talk to the other before modifications are made. But realize that would mean if you want to cut her hair or anything you’d have to talk to your ex before. I’d just be concerned that next time it’ll be piercings or tattoos.

Would you have asked his permission? He is her parent aswell. I bet she loves it. I personally think he’s a great dad doing her hair

Her hair will grow back, how do you no it’s not a temporary?
Let her have self expression that’s what dad did, he’s trying to be the cool dad she will live you will live… hair grows.

My daughters got purple hair rn!

Does she love it? I bet
They aren’t permanent colours.
Why not ask dad what the occasion was ?? :woman_shrugging:t3:

I would be mad too. That’s way too young.


It will fade and grow out. It would be disappointing but remember it won’t stay that way. More importantly does she like it?

It’s nice that Dad tried to do something with his daughter. Let it go and enjoy it for your daughter’s sake. It’s hair. Colored hair is all the rage. Maybe she asked for it? Maybe she saw it on a family member and really liked it?
Not a big deal.


Nope I personally wouldn’t care, I’ve dyed my daughters (5) hair purple twice without asking dad so he can too as long as it will wash out it doesn’t bother me. big hair cuts are where we consult eachother, if it’s a trim I don’t bother telling them and don’t expect them to tell me, but they got a cut and fringe and asked me first to make sure I was okay with her drastically changing her hair and I was, as long as your child is happy that should be all that matters.
They are little people not property :heart:

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If it was temporary who Cares permanent i might be alittle upset but its hair and i wouldnt think its that serious it grows back

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Age of child? If child wanted & if you would do it without asking or letting him know before doing it. It’s nice to communicate on everything about the child as long as both parties are doing. But I’ve always informed ex of changes grades behavior etc

I mean he’s a parent too… and it’s literally just hair, it’ll grow out before she’s old enough to know anything about hair dye lol


Only 4 and dyed all of her blue ? I would be upset. To me, something like that should be discussed beforehand. Same with ear piercing…both parents should talk about it first. Co parenting… communication is a must. It’s a respect thing.

It’s just hair,if it makes her happy… Its her hair

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Ask her if that is what she wanted and if so let go of the anger. Talk to the ex to make it clear that you are irritated that he did that without even giving you a heads up. I am sure there will be a next time something comes up like this just ask him to talk to you first. Most importantly do not make your daughter feel bad about her hair, don’t take your anger out on her.

I wouldn’t like it all, but what’s done, is done. Reactions are a choice.

He is her father aswel and gets his say too x i personally say yes but ask your dad too if he is gonna see it but also if my kids come home with dyed hair and they were excited to show me it wouldn’t bother me x

If it’s permanent or if bleach was used I’d be angry because that can severely mess up your hair at such a young age and she doesn’t need brittle and damaged hair at that age. If it washes out I’d be fine with it but I’d make sure to make it known not to do it all the time to space it out so her hair doesn’t get damaged. Any hair dye can damage your hair. If it’s hair chalk well I wouldn’t care because that’ll come out and that doesn’t damage hair.


Would you have asked his permission?

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If SHE wanted it blue, let HER wear it with pride. It’s hair dye not the end of the world, it’ll grow out

Is it like spray on dye. My daughter has blonde hair and we use the spray on dye and it washes out

3 questions:

  1. Did this make your daughter happy?
  2. Did your daughter ask for it?
  3. Does it interfere with school, health or anything?

Ask yourself are you upset with the colour, not being included or asked or using anger at ex.

If she goes to a public elementry school for pre kinder they may have something to say about it. That was a huge no no where my daughter went for pre k when she was 4, so that could be some help with defending your anger😊

My children’s fathers side did this (it was partial color) and cut their hair. At first I was upset but then thought about it and the kids were really happy with their new haircuts and color so I just asked them to let me know next time. They were 6 and 8 so not as young. Hair does grow back and if it was temporary or semi permanent it doesn’t last long. Also they don’t get to color their hair all the time just once in a while. Now they usually run it by me first or color but for haircuts if the kids ask, it’s totally fine because it’s their hair that’s what they prefer or like and whatever makes them feel good. Pick and choose your battles. Coparenting is hard and if everhtjing is a battle it’s never going to end

My sister let her daughter dye her hair and she’s 4. At first I was like “b.tch are you CRAZY!?!? SHES JUST A BABY🫥”
But then…. when my niece was quite LITERALLY BEAMING with pride and happiness while showing her hair off to me, I realized that it’s just hair and her happiness and self esteem was much more important than other people possibly thinking she’s too young. It’s just her hair. It’s never permanent when it comes to hair or nails. Let her be herself :heart:

Nbd…let them have fun with their hair now cuz once they become an adult, most well paying jobs don’t allow for that kinda experimentation

I don’t think dying a 4 year olds hair is appropriate to begin with if it’s not one of those chalk or spray dyes, but that’s definitely a joint parenting decision. I’d be mad too.


I’d let him. They go get their hair cut every month together. It’s like their Thang. Idk why certain things are moms decision when we r begging for equality

If it washes out I don’t see the big deal :+1:t2: if it’s not a wash out then I would for sure be upset

It’s no big deal.
I bet your four year old loves her new hair and it’s not your hair to begin with. As long as your daughter loves her new look, then that’s all that matters. My BD died my kids hair purple cause he was dying his hair purple and she was also four. The absolute delight she found in being proud of her purple hair was enough for me to put aside my ego.

If he/ she wanted it done and he knew how to do it well, I’d be fine. That’s a choice kids should make, unless school doesn’t allow the color.

would never fly as i have final decision making, per court orders.

It’s just hair if the kids happy let it be

Did your daughter want it? That is all that matters. Her hair, her choice.


Would you have asked him? Are you mad behind him dying the hair or not consulting you first?

My twins are 3. They wanted colored hair like their Barbies. I did just the underside, one blue one purple. The blue child has blonde hair. Hers isnt washing out which is why I did the underside so you dont see the awkward grow out from the top. It doesnt bother me and they like it. Could he have mentioned something before he did it? Yes, he couldve. But she is his child as well and I question whether you wouldve mentioned it to him if the situation were reversed. Its easy to say that you would right now but my husband and I are happily married and he came home to me mid processing with both the girls. Thats how he found out.

Is it a wash in wash out?

I don’t think dying it was the issue I think the communication is… I’d be upset to but it’s just hair and it will fade out. If he would of even just gave you a heads up I think that would of been better than anything but he shouldn’t have to ask you permission he’s still her dad

Why would he ask you? Do you ask him if it’s ok for things every time? Nobody should be “asking permission” having a conversation yeah sure but it’s just hair :woman_shrugging: it grows out and back

I’d be upset if we didnt communicate about it beforehand, but if kiddo likes it, let her enjoy it!

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It’s just hair your over reacting

It’s hair. My kids dad hates them dying their hair but I let them. It’s just hair.

Honestly it would depend. Did they do a test strip first to make sure no allergies were possible. Is it wash out or semi permanent. Was it the whole hair or just the tips. Did they apply it in the least damaging way they could. And most of all, does it make her happy. I understand being upset because you weren’t part of the yes or no decision but from the way you are reacting, it would have been a no. But if she is genuinely happy about her hair, I don’t see a problem. She’s only four and hair grows back. And you can still help to maintain and keep it healthy in the event she wants to go back to her normal hair or if she wants to change colours (just don’t change it too often because it could damage her hair).

All these parents saying it’s just temporary need to keep in mind that not all schools allow hair color that isn’t natural with that said I still feel like it’s something that needs discussed

I mean. I think it can be a great thing to allow kids to express theirself and have some amount of autonomy, but I do think that, just out of respect, it’s something that should at least be discussed with one another before doing it. There are some great and temporary hair dyes out there that can be used on kids, so I hope that’s what he used. It should fade away and if any of it still remains and she’s ready to go back to her natural color, you can always take her to a salon to have the color stripped.

My X took daughter and got he4 long hair cut without consulting me

I would be absolutely pissed.

It’s probably a wash out. That’s her parent too and he doesn’t need to ask you a dang thing

Hair dye I don’t care. Id be upset if someone cut my child’s hair without asking me how I feel but I wouldn’t expect to be asked for permission. He’s just as much a parent as you are. He doesn’t need permission. He could have asked you how you feel about it first out of respect but he didn’t and it’s over with. It’ll fade out. My biggest thing even with my girls at that age is they can have what makes them feel beautiful. If some hair color makes them feel on top of the world I don’t mind.


If it was real dye, or bleach. I’d be livid. But it being a color, means it was demi or semi permanent and it’ll wash out in a few weeks and it’s not that big of a deal. A lot of times their formulas are super good for your hair, as they just deposit and don’t lift anything out of the hair.

She may have asked him to do it. Four year olds can make decisions too.


Good thing it’s just hair!
If she likes it, why do you care?


I’d flip and permanent blue hair dye over a 4 year old blonde hair why would they do that :frowning_with_open_mouth: Emma Perry


I dyed my kids hair at 4. It’s the perfect age. Let them express themselves. He should have at least told you he was going to do it but he didn’t need your permission


Hair grows out, not worth wasting angry energy on. If your daughter likes it, that’s all that matters.

Well, first of all, is it one that washes out after so many washes? Is it all over? I understand the upset, but at the same time, there are much worse things that could happen. I would be upset if it was a permanent dye. Mother’s do things all the time without consulting the father, I’m not saying that makes it ok because I feel like parents really should consult with each other, that is good co-parenting