QUESTION:
“My daughter is 5 years old and attending summer day camp this year. She absolutely loves it, and she’s made a lot of friends. She comes home daily to tell me all about the new things they learned (this week, it was medieval times). The problem is that she came home the other day and dropped the F-bomb. I honestly didn’t handle it well, and barked at her, used my mean voice, she cried, and I felt like a horse’s butt. I know it’s a public camp, I know the counselors cannot monitor what 60+ are saying, and I knew it was inevitably going to happen someday. My daughter was honest and said she heard it at camp, and I spoke with the director as well. We don’t cuss in our home… How do you all address the cussing/swearing with your kids?”
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“I tell my son it’s a grown-up word and he’s not allowed to say it.”
“You shouldn’t have yelled. My daughter came home from school and said that word. I just told her that’s a grown-up word and not to use it. So she doesn’t”
“Yelling at her is counterproductive. First of all, words are only ‘bad’ because people have assigned negative connotations to them. Second, you’ve made it intriguing to her, something she can do in secret and feel defiant and cool because she’s being edgy. At 5, that instinct isn’t there yet, but it will be in just a few short years, and you’ve made this something she’ll remember. My kids know there are ‘adult words’ that they aren’t supposed to use. If they did, and I heard them, I gently corrected, remind them that it’s an adult word, and we move on. Because I never made a big deal about it, neither did they, and they stopped thinking it was funny or cool or whatever.”
“It depends how she’s using it. If she had no idea it was something she shouldn’t say, tell her casually that it’s a grown-up word and she is not allowed to say it, and move on. If she uses it knowing she shouldn’t, ignore it and move on. Either way, don’t make a big deal about it, and she won’t either.”
“She doesn’t know that it was a bad word. you should say you are sorry to her for snapping and making her cry over something so innocent …all you have to do is explain that it is a bad word and you don’t use bad words.”
“I tell my kids they can’t use those kinds of “grown-up” words. I don’t tell them they are bad words… people who swear aren’t bad. But like other things in life, you have to be older.”
“Let her know that that’s not appropriate at her age. I’m older now and still have enough respect for some of my elders that I still don’t curse in their presence. Either that or I don’t like to have my head spun around.”
“I mean if it’s the first time she said it I wouldn’t have flipped. She didn’t know and just needs to be told we don’t say those words. I curse like a sailor but my kids know not to however they all, of course, said a word or two and young kids copying me. I didn’t flip I just explained and we were good.”
“I explained to our kids there are words people use that can be offensive to others and are really not a nice way to talk. I told them there are more appropriate and respectful ways to express themselves, then shared with them some “swear” words and a couple more appropriate words to use instead. Kids are going to try, that’s what kids do. I never made a big deal about it. Just basically told them we don’t talk that way.”
“If she’s never heard you use the word then she doesn’t know it’s a bad word. You can’t get mad/yell at/ use a mean tone with your child and make her cry for using a word she heard at camp that she had no way of knowing was bad. The way to handle that would have been to calmly inform her that it’s not a nice word and that she shouldn’t use it, you can even tell her it makes some people feel uncomfortable to hear words like that.”
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