Husband said something terrible to me while he was drunk

I’m currently 9 months pregnant (only a week left to go) with my second child! Last week husband of a year came home from work and drank with some friends- whenever he was done he came inside and said “he isn’t ready for all this and shouldn’t have got back together with me” before going to bed (he was drunk for the first time)

The next morning he doesn’t remember anything, didn’t even apologize or correct what was said. I’m not too sure how I’m suppose to take all this in, on top of having crazy pregnancy hormones!
Isn’t it “drunken words speak sober thoughts?”

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First of all sorry :frowning: pregnancy is rough and miserable especially late stage pregnancy like that. I experienced the same thing w my husband during my second pregnancy. He also did the same exact thing of not apologizing and saying he didn’t remember. I had let it go bc I didn’t have the energy to emotionally deal w that as I was like you and preparing for baby’s arrival. When went to the hospital for my sons birth, he left bc we forgot a baby bag, and he came back to the hospital drunk talking about how he wasn’t ready yet again. I’m over here in the worst pain I’ve experienced in my life and he’s not worried about the baby or me and just himself. I wish I would have realized that what sort of precedent that set for our relationship and his attitude towards fatherhood. It took him a long time to grow up. My son will be 3 soon, and he still doesn’t co parent with me well. I hope your story turns out differently and that man comes to his senses fast. I wouldn’t wish this heart break on anyone else

Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Husband said something terrible to me while he was drunk - Mamas Uncut

Yes. I call it liquid courage.

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Saying things drunk doesn’t always mean that what’s said is true.

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I always say in wine there’s truth

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Drunk minds speak sobar tounges

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That’s not always true. I say a lot of nonsense when I’m drunk :joy: honestly I would just talk to him, tell him how it made you feel. Tell him being drunk isn’t an excuse to just shrug it off as you were not drunk and are now dealing with the consequences. Good luck! :heart:

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Call him out and hold him responsible.
Flat out ask him what he wants. If you don’t handle it now, it’s going to eat at you for the rest of your life

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Sorry. Alcohol makes the truth come out

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I would confront him about it. Ask him if he meant it. If he did tell him there’s the door to go. You don’t need him in your life or the babies life if he isn’t ready for this, he should have thought about that before getting back together with you but especially before getting you pregnant. I would let him know it hurt, and you need clarification if it was just him being an ass due to being drunk or if he meant it. You’ll think about this forever if you don’t.

People don’t always mean what they say when they’re drunk. I know people that are proof of that as am I. I say and everything if I drink which I don’t often at all. Talk to him about it and let him know that hurt you. He may not have meant that, he might be scared or have something going on as well. Talk to him. Don’t say a drink mind speaks sober thoughts, that’s a complete lie right there.

No excuses for what he said and drinking is just an excuse. Don’t drink if you can’t hold your liquor. Yes drunken words are spoken truths. Talk to him. If he’s gonna be like that he needs to stop drinking or hit the road.

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2 people that dont lie
Kids & drunk people

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Him acting like it wasn’t a big deal is pretty bad. I’d take it to the heart regardless of him being drunk. If I were you I’d leave for a few days and take some time apart from him.

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A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. Been saying that for YEARS!

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Yea I’d be pissed, if he means it drunk he keeps it a secret sober :woman_shrugging: time for a serious talk about if he wants to stay or not

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I say drunk words do speak truth, id be planning on a backup plan just in case, weak need liquor to be honest, your kids will bear whitness…

Not always true. Sometimes I’d be overwhelmed and say something mean but didn’t mean it from the heart. How does he treat you otherwise? To me, actions have more truth than words.

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A drunk mouth often speaks truth.

Drunk or not it was said- once something is said, you can’t take it back. Even if he apologizes you will never forget it. You will need to discuss and decided what you want to do

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Sounds like he is freaking out…

He is probably having a lot of anxiety and worry. Talk to him, don’t accuse him.

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I would see about counseling for him . He definitely meant what he said. It’s a natural feeling for men to feel overwhelmed with all of the life changes and new responsibilities. He can get pass it with the proper help. Good luck !

Call him on it. Don’t let it eat u alive.

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Alcohol makes the truth come out.

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Well since none of us are not him, or know his heart, or actions it’s not fair for us to say “yes he meant it”
Ask to speak to him, let him know what he said and how he chooses to respond maybe you will find an answer and can base your decisions on that.

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Is it not ok that he is feeling overwhelmed and having a moment ? Granted drunkenly blurting it out was a douche move …

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I think there are parallels to when someone is mad and they spew words they don’t actually mean. It doesn’t necessarily mean he MEANT it, but could be freaking out and out that came. The bigger concern, IMO, is that he wasn’t remorseful when you told him what he had said and didn’t apologize.

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Lol…… drunk words absolutely do not speak sober thoughts. At all.

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Drunken words are NOT sober thoughts!! I used to be a raging alcoholic and have said some terrible things to my husband who was patient enough with me to help me quit drinking. I was a mean drunk and would say vile things just to get a reaction. I hated myself the next morning and it was worse when I couldn’t even remember what I said but hurt everyone so much.

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It’s so hard to hear that, but I do know that it’s common for dads to “freak out” “get cold feet” before having a baby. More common the first time but can happen anytime.
This doesn’t excuse what he said, but we bond with the baby fast because they’re in our belly whereas the dad can have literally no connection until birth and even a bit after.

I would definitely talk to him about it. But try to think on it so you don’t go into a conversation with expectations and anger.

Even I had a hard time coming to terms when having my last baby because we didn’t plan and we even took multiple precautions. I cried everyday for months and went back and forth on keeping her. I had the same thoughts he was having, but once I got further along and then had her all those feelings went away.

Just offering a positive mind set hopefully. I’m sorry you had to hear that though, I know how it feels :heart:

It sounds like he’s freaking out. I would talk to him about it and ask if that’s what he meant or if his anxiety about it came out way too extreme. I don’t think being drunk is an excuse and he was hurtful and needs to take responsibility for it. Alcohol is not an excuse to be hurtful. But to me it sounds like his anxious thoughts came out without the filter we have when sober. I think those thoughts are normal when you’re scared. “I’m scared of what’s about to happen and I wouldn’t be this scared if I didn’t do xyz”

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I think drunk or not if not apologised is something in it. Either that or you’ve a Nob who doesn’t take accountability for actions. Either way is wrong.you need sit and talk before baby gets here as that’ll add more stress

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Is it crappy, yep. But right before birth feels kind of overwhelming. Hell, I felt not ready for all that with my first.

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Sounds like his friends got in his ear. He could also be freaking out about fatherhood. Add some alcohol to that and things are said. Not necessarily his truth. Talk it out (with a calm nature) - ASAP! Don’t let it fester and eat you up Little Mama! :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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I’ve been drunk and said things I don’t mean COUNTLESS times :weary:

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Buckle up this is just the beginning. My ex husband had way to many drunken outbursts. Same story he would never remember the things he said the next day. Needless to say it was one of the reasons I left him.

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Even men get overwhelmed when they are becoming a father. My husband did I did as well just have a talk with him we all make mistakes I think this is something that you both can talk out and grow together :heart: drinking obviously isn’t for him. Congrats and I wish you well.

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I’m not sure. I know my drunk words are my sober thoughts I’m too scared to say sober. But it’s not that way for everyone. But he should at least talk to you about it. Maybe he is just scared about a baby which is normal.

U won’t be together long that’s for sure but up to u how long u want him for ur lucky it so easy being a single parent wish I could be

I would just say too bad so sad boy!

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Sorry…I know those words all to well…So your saying first time ever drinking ? Even if he doesn’t remember what he said you do and its gonna hurt you and probly will for awhile…

All I can say is “Drunken words are sober thoughts!” Do what you have to do for yourself mentally physically and emotionally.

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I think maybe he is freaking out about baby coming it doesn’t mean he should of said it n he probably didn’t mean it he may not remember much at all being a parent to multiple kids can be scary n depends how ur first delivery went could be scary he may think the 2nd delivery won’t go as plan

Maybe sit down and talk the pressure of adding another child to a household is stressful for men too , unless it was a reoccurring situation there’s no need to throw a marriage away over one night

Drunken words speak sober thoughts is 1000 percent NOT accurate lmao. Do not let that drama line get to you. I have said the dumbest things in my day when I would be drinking, that I definitely DID NOT mean. :joy::joy:
The guys probably nervous and scared and having baby jitters. It happens and it’s normal. Unless it’s an issue that persists I’d just cut him a break. It sounds like he’s not much of a drinker and probably wasn’t thinking anywhere close to clearly.

Drunk words are sober thoughts… my ex would get drunk and say awful things to me, same thing “he didn’t remember ever saying that” but truth is. He did. Alcohol is liquid courage. I’d believe what he said when he was drunk. That’s clearly how he feels… the alcohol just gave him the courage to say those things.

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If no apology he meant what he said

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All he said the next day was that he didn’t remember…he didn’t say it wasn’t true. Je meant it.

I’m so glad you didn’t kill him in his sleep… You are a better woman than me. Lol

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I have always heard it as “a drunk mind speaks a sober heart”. I think you need to sit down with him and tell him what he said and explain to him that you would really like him to be honest with you and explain how he is feeling because it’s not fair to you to think everything is fine and he is happy if infact he is not because he is lying to you. If it’s not true he will be very apologetic and if not then you kind of have your answer.

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A drunk man telescope no lies

Personally, I am tired of the men bashing on this site. My husband did the exact same thing we he found I was pregnant with our daughter. He wasnt ready. He was trying to hard and wanted to be the perfect dad. He knew he would have a family to provide for. Men are very different from women. They want to fix things all the time. I do not think there was any harm other than maybe his stressed and overwhelmed with baby coming.

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Sounds like he is afraid of the responsibilities. I would force him to discuss his feelings.

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I think every man panics a bit before having a baby. He may have not meant to say it aloud so he’s denying that he remembers it. I think it’s normal to be terrified at that point. That doesn’t mean he won’t stick it through. I hope you will give him the benefit of the doubt.

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Don’t buy into drunken words are sober thoughts. That’s not the case for everyone and he may have just been scared and since he was drunk he didn’t express himself like he should have. He can’t apologize for something he doesn’t know he said. Be an adult and sit down with your husband and talk about it. Strangers on the internet aren’t going to fix your problems. Talk to him yourself.

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Drunk talk, let it go, highly doubt he meant it,

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First off woman. “He doesn’t even remember anything BUT he didnt apologize or correct himself”

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They say there are 2 kinds of people that are honest…kids and drunk people.

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Talk to him about it. Maybe his friends got in his head while he was drinking

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Drunk words aren’t always sober thoughts. However it may just been his subconscious. I doubt he meant he shouldn’t have gotten back with you. I think he is just overwhelmed with the thought of having another child. But like I said. He was drunk. We all say/do stupid stuff when we are drunk.

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Aye…either we gone deal with it or we’re not.!
He’s scared just like we get scared in the beginning…you’re now 9mos well adjusted to the fact a baby is coming.
Hormonally nothing has changed for him. (Yet)

Let him be nervous. Let him be fearful.
Hell, explain you felt the exact same too…talk ab it. But don’t expect him to change just like that. Give it time.
He still may hate it but being an a-hole about it isn’t necessary

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The difference between him and you is that a man can have drunken second thoughts, where as a mother on the brink of birth is on an irreversible mission of beauty and reward, if he doesnt come around mentally he wont be the first but it doesnt alter your mission, it just makes it more difficult, but your a mom- the most powerful creature on earth

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A drunk tongue says what a sober minds been thinking I’m 75+years old and I’ve been hearing this all my life

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Drunk words are not sober thoughts! I strip when I get too drunk but I don’t strip sober!

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just stupid drunken words :heart::heart::heart::heart:

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Aww sorry you’re going though this :pleading_face: a drunk mouth speaks a sober mind!!

Tell him to fucking bad. Haha

Tell him what he said to you - and ask him if he really means it. -

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Drinking makes the truth come out. Move on as bad as it may hurt but he’ll drag you down mentally from here on out if he says he cant remember unless he was being dragged in blacked out drunk then he rememebers what he said. I hate when people do that shit.

Oh believe me he meant every word and him being drunk gives him an excuse to say Oh I can’t remember saying that but I bet if someone borrow some money why he was drinking I bet he’d remember that :joy::rofl:

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Time to have a calm conversation about if he’s struggling/having fears about parenthood. It sucks that it’s happening so close to birth and I’m sorry for the added stress.

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After 7 years of being blamed for dying his life I just had to leave. Don’t put up with it. Leave him.

I’d tell him exactly what he said and how I feel now. Watch what he does. If he is not scrambing to fix it, leave him.

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A drunk mind speaks a sober heart.

I would sit down and talk to him about it. Maybe there is something more going on in his everyday life that is bothering him or making him stressed/overwhelmed. I understand what he said was very hurtful, but just like you, I and the next guy, he has bad days too. Communication before jumping the gun would be my first step.

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I can’t speak for everyone but me personally when I drink all my thoughts come out … Especially the ones I keep quiet and let that shit eat at me … Sooo ima say he meant what he said and now he’s tryna back track … Do what you gotta do to make sure you and your child is happy … Even if that means leaving him

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Oh he means it. Drunk people don’t lie.

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Give it time. Then decide. How does he treat you and the children. Does the drinking with friends become a problem? Are his friends happily married? How often and how much does he drink?
Are you happily married? Is he? Can the relationship be happy?
Don’t keep harping on it. It’s past. It hurt.
But don’t run off yet or throw him out. Do some soul searching

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He said it. It shouldn’t be your burden. Tell him.

If he does this again you’d be best just to leave

Tell him what he said and you don’t appreciate him talking to you like that

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Maybe he was just stressed, men have worries, stresses and incercuritys to when it comes to pregnancys and expecting a baby not just the mother.
And the hole drunk minds speak the truth is ball shit. They say whatever pops into there minds in the moment and dont give a fk who they hurt. Hes probably just a bad drunk.

While it is true drunken words are sober thoughts you don’t know what they were talking about while drinking. The other guys could have intimidated him freaking him out about all the upcoming responsibilities. I know a lot of men that were scared before fatherhood but it’s more hush hush because they have to be strong. While others have said oh this is bad you are pregnant and need to relax. Drinking can also bring anxiety and intensifies fears. If things are good between you two don’t stress over it and put yourself in labor look at it as good he is worried how he will handle taking care of you and 2 children. Most guys aren’t good with expressing feelings into words and don’t like to show weakness being scared.

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You’re right “drunk people say sober thoughts” BUT his point may have come across wrong? NEVER trying to justify his actions, he should have never said it! But there seems to be underlying issues - try and address them first. Good luck :heart:

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My husband was terrified trust me it is a phase he probably does feel this way but it’s the same feeling you get when you’re about to marry somebody that split-second of uncertainty that has you questioning your ability to do this all you have to do is his partner is let him know he can tell him it hurt you that he came to you while drunk but if that’s how he’s feeling let him know how you feel

“Forgetting” what you said doesn’t excuse your behavior. Confront him calmly tell him how you feel and try to get him to talk to you about how he’s feeling. He should most definitely apologize but you can’t make someone regret or feel bad for what they said if they meant it. I hope he apologizes and explains himself. This is not ok. Being nervous for a baby is normal. I truly hope he is a good father. Always remember you and the baby come first. You take care of you. Choose yourself over the relationship of it comes to that.

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Thats how he is really feeling right now. The truth always comes out when alcohol is involed.

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As awful as it sounds, he might be afraid.

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I’ve heard the saying before except I don’t always believe it. You could literally say anything when intoxicated :joy:
Talk to him about what was said and let him know that it hurt you so he could try to fix it.

People don’t always speak truthful when drunk, I hardly ever did :joy:

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Fathers have anxiety issues too. If it isn’t apart of his normal behavior, sit down and talk to him. He may be processing this huge life change differently than you are

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Mind blowing how people justify this. Wow. He should be home not going out anyway. She pregnant.

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Some people don’t remember what all they do/say when drunk. Sit him down and talk about it.

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He’s probably serious and probably right.

When a person is drunk they have no filter. Which means that he spoke the truth of how he really feels.

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Maybe in his drunken state he felt panic he wouldn’t feel or doesn’t feel, sober. Especially if he thought you were being unpleasant leading up to it… If he was having fun with friends and you were a “buzzkill” I can see some drunken thoughts and words being out of character for him :woman_shrugging: if that makes sense.

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Yes ma’am that’s what they say, and I’ll tell him don’t let the door hit cha where the good lord split cha another’s words there’s the door jack and don’t ya come back.

He is allowed to feel like that, and he is probably right. Alot of men get trapped into relationships and this sounds like One of them times.

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It absolutely is! They say drunk words speak sober thoughts because alcohol lowers inhibitions and drowns the filter that allows people to think before they speak. It may hurt, but tell him to go. You don’t want or deserve to be with someone who doesn’t really want to be with you. It would always be in the back of my mind “did he mean it”. I couldn’t be with someone that I had to question weather or not they love me and want to be with me.

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