My husband is open to doing housework, but I feel that delegating him to do so is another task in itself. It gets overwhelming. I feel like it’s unfair. Are their men out there? Who just know to do these things. He just isn’t mindful of housework at all or what it takes to run a house like grocery lists, our appointments, and etc. I am wondering if it’s me. Maybe I’m not strict enough, and I just have to lay out a plan on how to truly split the work.
I am only home 50 percent of the time
My husband knows what needs to get done.
However if we are both home nothing gets done
My hubby won’t do housework unless he is told to. Guys don’t notice the mess like we do. It’s frustrating
My husband won’t just do something I have to ask… lol if I ask why dishes or laundry wasnt done he gets all mad and says well you didnt tell me too
My first husband talked about what we could each do to help each other out. We took turns cooking, while one was cooking the other was tending kids. He always took our garbage and helped with laundry. We took turns going to dr appointments and such. Ask him what he feels comfortable doing and help with things he’s not. Communication is key!
Mine cleans without being asked to, BUT his idea of clean and my idea of clean are… different
It sounds like you are talking about a child not a spouse.
Get a whiteboard checklist. That’s what works for us. Just write things that need to be done that way he always knows and it makes it easier for you to track as well.
My husband does almost all of the cooking, and definitely helps with he housework…especially the sweeping and mopping because those are the two chores that I despise the most.
Strict enough you’re not as Mom you can’t treat him like a child that will just piss him off try an adult to an adult conversation
Cleaning is natural to my husband. Usually he will give the game plan on cleaning on the weekends. I keep the house clean but we deep deep clean together
My boyfriend doesn’t do housework unless I ask him to either. I make a list most days, he says he prefers it. Maybe try writing a list to, I know it’s frustrating; but if the next day he does without a list than you know, he knows what needs to be done, or not keep on with the list or talk to him about it.
I must be blessed my husband will do laundry,cook, clean, take the trash out, dust. I don’t have to ask him he just does it. It may not be at all up to my standards. However I don’t complain because it is less on me.
I don’t think it’s accurate to say all guys don’t notice or care, but it’s probably a safe majority. I got lucky… kind of. Mine absolutely notices and will take initiative. But the trade off is how much he’s bothered by a small mess. He’ll be cleaning and I’ll wanna sit and cuddle. Lol. No matter what it’s always about finding the balance that suits both of you
My hubby care more about the housework then he should
Keep it simple. We rnt as good at seeing things like you women are. Garbage. Clean the toilets. Vacuum some rugs, etc. Huge learning curve when I became a single father. My house is still not clean but idk what to do to make it clean.
My husband does most of the cleaning, heavy and every day stuff. He also does all the laundry. This on top of yardwork. We share cooking as we both like to cook. My son has household tasks as well.
If your working then yes split the work. But you seem controlling. Soon or later your husband will get tired of that
Same even IF my husband asks if there is anything he can do to help. If I give him a job its …ok il get to it in a minute. A minute turning into an hour and then him asking 50 questions. Where’s the sponge, where the dish soap, where do I put this etc… I just end up doing it cuz its I get it done 75%and I end up doing all the brain work anyway… it is frustrating but there are parts of his day I dont fo. I stay at home with the kids which doesnt mean I dont work it’s just more flexible. I also dont chop wood (I’m willing to stack though) and I really try to make him take the trash to the dump but half of the time I’ve loaded it into the truck so idk if that’s a full chore…
My husband just helps. If he sees something that needs to be done he just does it. Same with my kids. I guess it’s the way I raised them.
Hubs lives here also…he can pick up his dirty socks and wash a dish on occasion. His idea of clean is a good episode of hoarders
We have a white board in our kitchen. I always write down the menu for the week and stuff that I need help with. That way I don’t lose my mind asking him while to accomplish everything else
My hubby does a lot of the cooking because he likes to but he sometimes will do some cleaning and I’m very grateful but I feel like I should do most of the cleaning since he does most of the cooking
My boyfriend is amazing at housework. Most of the time it’s actually HIM telling ME what needs to be done
Other than taking out the trash, I do all housework. My husband works long hard days though so that I can stay home, so I don’t mind to do it.
I simply ask my fiancé to do simple tasks that I need done throughout the day like vacuum or take out the trash. He knows every Wednesday to change the litter box and take out all the trash in the house and put the dumpsters at the curb for trash day. I suggest developing a routine and then ask for me little things you need help with.
I perfer to do housework myself because I have certain ways to do things. He takes out the trash and cooks all of our meals. So it works out for us🤷♀️
Being the household manager is exhausting. I feel you.
Me and my hubby have always been on the same page about cleaning and chores. We make our grocery list together, whoever cooks the other does the dishes and everybody does their own laundry even the kids and we have found a system that works.
I have a list it works
Sit together and lay it out with specific tasks for both of you, for you, and for him. Write it out if you/he needs to. Talk about what is important to both of you, and divide and conquer. If you both have the same ‘chore’ day after day, it is easier to remember to do it without having to actually think of doing it.
Make a chore list. Easy peasy.
If you want to switch it up, alternate chores weekly, every other week, whatever. Put it where it’s easily seen.
My partner was a bachelor and 21 years old when he came into my life. 22 when we started dating. I am 26 and have kids. He didn’t know what to do. I’ve had to guide him and help him learn what it takes. Now he does the stuff I consider important(dishes, vacuuming, spot cleaning) without missing a beat. It makes me proud of both of us. I keep a schedule/routine most days and it seems to help not only the kids but him and I as well. Laundry on Wednesday’s and sundays, dishes after dinner, etc.
Maybe I’m old school but my husband works and I stay home with children and handle the house cleaning and laundry… we go together for groceries.
My husband and are both equally guilty procrastinators who end having to say ok this day we will conquer the house in triumph and ground ourselves from any entertainment until we get it done lol… but we do it together for the most part… my past husband couldn’t find a trashcan or a hamper and to this day is a slob I’m told… so there are men out there who see and help and there are men who add to the problem…
My hubby is an air head (but one of the sweetest people ever) and just forgets. He told me to just ask him to do it, and he will. Just try to ask nicely and I’m sure he will be willing to help.
I’m very lucky (or unlucky) I have bad back so my hubby does almost if not all house work, I help when I can
Work together on what needs to be done. It may suck at first during the learning curve, but once a routine is established it’s great.
Honey just tell him what you need done,he isn’t a mind reader
Im a sahm but when I go out for awhile I always come home to a clean house. I even taught my husband to iron so now he helps me iron clothes too. He pretty much knows how I like everything to be in its place. He is always helpful when hes home but I never ask for help.
My house is great about doing what needs to be done. I do what I can when it needs to be done and he does the same. If there’s something specific that needs to be done I’ll ask him or he’ll ask me. We’re a pretty good team though.
Most men arent even open to house work! I would lay out a good plan and remind him to keep up with it
Leave him a list. Men’s minds work different than ours do. Most are focused on bringing home money. So tell him what you want.
My husband doesn’t do anything at home. It’s a task just to get the garbage taken out on garbage day. He works all day so he doesn’t think he should have to.
I wish mine helped. I’m pretty much left to clean, cook & I work a full time job. No help at all & right now I’m not sure where things are right now with us. He’s capable but just doesn’t help.
My husband helps with housework a lot. And he works 24 to 48 hr shifts at a time.
My husband will help with anything I ask of him.
But…I will have to ask.
He isnt going to ever just get up and do something. Lol.
Oooohhhhh. I am blessed here. My husband is better than me some days and takes one day on the weekend and hits it hard. He did this while we were dating and I assume before we were together.
Have a list he has to do every day, my ex appreciated it
Men are lazy & society teaches them that housework is a woman’s job. Even today. Raise your sons to be involved in running the house. Men are too dependent on women. Seriously. I told my ex I was teaching our then teen boys to cook, clean, do laundry. He forbidden me from teaching his son. He said “if there isn’t a woman to cook for him there’s always McDonald’s” like WTF?!?!
I think it starts from the very beginning. Developing a “partner” mind set. You are not his mother or his care taker. I have a significant other who cooks, does dishes and grocery shops. If I’m cleaning he is up helping. Was not the case with my first husband, he was a definite upgrade. We BOTH work full time. Some weeks he does more than I do, some weeks I do more.
Im a sahm.I do the majority of the housework, paying Bill’s, and grocery shopping. Along with most of the homework with the kids. He works about 50 hours a week though to support us all so I really dont expect much during the week. It means more to me for him to spend some time with the kids and get them out of my hair for a while😂 I definitely expect more on the weekends. He is more of a repair and cutting grass type of guy. He also cuts all four of our boys hair and his own. He does do things on the weekends, especially if I leave the house for a while. I’ll ask for simple things. If I grocery shop on the weekend I’ll ask if he would clean the fridge out before I get home🤷🏼♀️ it does get stressful though cause some men just dont get it. And laundry is the absolute last thing I want him to help with lol
I love to do the house work because ik how stressful my wife’s day can be
If my husband is the last one up in the mornings, he makes the bed. He also clears the table while I wash dishes, and he vacuums!
My husband will do any housework that I ask him to. But he has point blank told me that he needs told to do a specific task. He isn’t good at just looking around and being like I need to dust and vacuum. Now that I know this I don’t feel like I’m being a boss or nag when I ask him to do stuff.
My husband helps alot more then usual lately I do 90% of house work taking care of kids cooking but he works all the time when hes home he is right beside me helping me cook playing with kids so I can clean iv also had health issues and I need help with things or need kids distracted so I can we dont know whats wrong but the neurologist will hopefully figure it out I feel very lucky I do ask him to do things to he will hop up quick and be all hands on
I have been with my husband 11 years and have never cleaned a bathroom. When I met him he was a bachelor and did everything by himself. This was so difficult for me because I wasn’t used to men wanting to do EVERYTHING in the house. The cleaning, the shopping, the bills, the cooking, the laundry. I felt worthless and it took a few years for him to feel ok about someone helping him. However, I told him that I would be ok with him cleaning bathrooms forever. It’s a perfect marriage. He also loves taking the kids to all their appointments. He’s a keeper:two_hearts:
My husband and I both work. He takes the kids to school, I pick them up. I wash dishes, he puts them away. I give the kids baths during the week, he gives them baths on the weekend. We make a grocery list together Friday night/Saturday morning and go the the store as a family every Saturday to do the shopping for the week. He takes care of trash, the kids do most of the recycling.
Just sit down together and decide who is responsible for what when. That way you only have to have that discussion once.
Men do well with a list. Write down all the things that need to be done…and together go through it. Slowly he will just know and will do it on his own.
Most men are like children and legit need specific direction.
My man does housework, not because I told him to, because he knows we are going through life together and we both need to do housework. I think it’s a respect thing mostly… Sometimes it has to do with how they were raised… My ex didn’t do a damn thing.
If he never had to do it growing up, he may need some input on it.
Sometimes I wish my man would help without me asking. I can understand why he prefers not to wash dishes which I’m fine with (he has carpal tunnel and washing dishes bothers his wrists) but if he’d help me clean and straighten up, wouldn’t have an issue. He never even says anything when I say ‘when I get everything clean’. Just sits there and continues to do whatever hes doing
My husband takes out the trash and helps with whatever i ask him to help with. I dont put a list together. If i just say “hey can you do this” he does it
Make him a “honey do” list. Or sit and talk about what things he can do to help you. For instance my SO is in charge of the garbage and getting it to the curb on pick up days, he empties ALL the trash cans. He helps unload the dishwasher and anything he is unsure of the place, he sets on the counter for me. He carries the hamper up and down the stairs for me. He now goes grocery shopping with me and runs weekend errands with me as well.
My husband does dishes everyday, he will help with laundry, sweeping and mopping .
Honestly I would rather make a chore list or remind him to do something rather than getting pissed or resent him for not doing it.
My husband just does
My husband and I both work full time, no kids. I do all the housework. He will do dishes to help me out which is appreciated.
Sounds like you’re in charge. Make a list on a dry erase board. Hang it on the wall. Add chores that need to be done.
Most men co-exsisting with women recognize that women actually care if the house is clean, and how it’s done, and where everything goes, and why, etc. They don’t give a crap. The fact that he’s willing to help is great! The reason he doesn’t just jump in and do stuff on his own is because he is waiting for you to give him the okay by asking him to do whatever it is that you need him to do. My husband hates folding clothes. It doesn’t matter to him how a shirt or towel gets folded. It’s clean, and that’s the important thing. But he knows I fold them a certain way, and he knows if he doesn’t fold it the way I fold it, I will re-fold it. So he doesn’t do laundry. And I’m good with that. He will do any chore I ask him to do, and if he does, I do not criticize him. Except the laundry. I have hang ups on how it is done, so to avoid problems, I do the laundry! lol. Communicate, and appreciate the fact that he is Willing to help.
Since my husband has been home all the time now if I start cleaning he will too he is actually better at getting up and cleaning more then I am lol
If I cook then my fiance cleans up after dinner. He always makes the bed and will help out when needed. Sometimes I have to ask him to do a certain thing but he is pretty good at it. But 4 years ago he was totally different. He would never help me. I had to just stop cleaning after him for like 2 weeks until he saw how dirty our place was and he asked me why. I told him its about team work Im not his mother and wont be the only one cleaning in the house. After we talked about it thats when he changed.
My wife doesn’t cook. She literally knows how to make 3 dishes. And that’s ok because I know how to cook from teaching myself and watching my mom so I do most of the cooking. But she will do most of the laundry. It has to be an explicitly stated deliberate collaborative effort. Which is not to say you must have the inclination to do it regardless. Me and my wife have a spreadsheet where we delegate chores. With children, the chores never stop. Constant set and reset. You cant be the one to handle all of this. You half the effort when you share the chores equivalently. To start give him something to do from start to finish for the family. Dont help him at all. Dont congratulate him when he does it. Dont make it too hard or he might give up. Just let him start to see in a family you have an obligation to share the workload, AT HOME, not just at work or wherever else he is putting in his hours. There are no excuses. There are people less capable who do exceptionally more.
My husband helps out more than most with housework and the kids. But I still bear almost all the responsibility for medical appointments, extra curricular activities for the kids, buying Christmas and birthday gifts, etc. Basically most of the organizing and remembering things is on me. We both work. Him full time and me half time.
I mean OP sounds a little ridiculous. Just say “takeout the trash” ,“mop the kitchen”
Or whatever the task is.
Like I’m not understanding why it’s an extra task? I’m not strict at all, I say what needs done and we divide and conquer
I feel that, like if we’re getting ready to go somewhere… he’s like how can I help
“Put the kids socks and shoes on”
“Which socks? Which shoes? Wait, where are the socks?.. I looked in a drawer… I don’t see socks”
By the time I answer him I might as well have done it myself.
It’s too bad that a lot of men act like children when it comes to maintaining the cleanliness of the home. Their own moms probably wiped their butts for them until they got married
My husband is better at it than I am. His mama raised him right And she gets a bada$$ Mother’s Day gift each year
So my go to all the time is
Voice expectations clearly
My husband and I set clear lines going into our marriage of household expectations. Works out well… of course there are always times one of us needs some help but for the most part it’s been incredible. Because we both know our roles and both agree to them.
It’s important to remember what’s important to you may not be to him. Dishes is a great example. Drives me nuts when dishes are in the sink. My husband doesn’t care much.
That doesn’t mean he has to put dishes up because I don’t like them there! It’s not an attack on me when he leaves them there… just not on his radar.
Clear guidelines and fair expectations. The standards you both have might be different… it’s not the job of the other to change. Both should adapt and communicate clearly.
I was raised that way. If it needs doing do it
My man does pretty much all the housework( he feels it dont get done right if others do it) Im pretty much just inventory in our home:rofl:
My husband just does it. It took a bit of work and patience but he remembers our household needs and does things I forget
It’s not you, it’s the parents from the previous generation who didn’t put in the necessary effort to make their children grow up into fully functioning self sufficient adults.
Been there… done that. Shit happens. Life gets busy! Do what you need to do…let the rest sit They will pick up the slack. Things might not be done to your liking but they will get it done.
Communication communication communication!!!
Make a list of things that need to be done. Tell him there is a list. Sometimes men forget and that’s ok. You have to communicate and stop acting like he should know. Appointments? Get a big calendar and tell him that all appointments are written on it along with whatever else needs to be done. Shopping? Make him a list.
We both work. He’ll do it once in a blue moon when he’s extremely bored😂 I mostly do it all but I prefer to, cuz I’m faster, I just get up on my day off, get it done and relax the rest of the day or do the yard work. Kids do their rooms, their bathroom and laundry. It works. Seriously though, he usually works long hrs, sometimes a few weeks without a day off, so the few days he may get, he can just chill. I get regular days off, so it just makes sense. 🤷
Bring this discussion over to STAY AT HOME MAMAS🍒
I never had to ask my late husband to do anything from cooking to dusting and vacuuming to the lawns… He did it all… tbh I’m pretty sure he taught me how to be the house widow I am today and is the reason I can do it all on my own
I don’t think you’re asking too much of your man, he’s just lazy and know you will do it.
It took awhile and lots of arguments, but we always tried to split the housework. Now he actually does more than me. We have a chore chart for the whole family. So we all split dishes, vacuuming/mopping, cooking, etc. He does 99% of the grocery shopping, and he takes the kids to school and picks them up most of the time. I do most of the appointments. I don’t think being strict is the was to go, I believe being honest, calm and chore charts are the way to go lol.
Well in the early years I had to split the chores between hubby and myself but he is now very well seasoned. He does the dishes and laundry takes out garbage and I can even send him to shop for grocery items without giving him a list or without him calling to ask what I need
Strict enough? Lol. You’re not his mother.
That being said, if he’s asking you to let him know what you need help with, then let him know what you need help with. It’s not always plain to see. In our minds it is, but in reality he probably doesn’t know where to start. Point him in the right direction…
My husband loves a good list
My husband is the cleaner for the most part I got lucky. We alternate on some things but he does what needs to be done on his own. I do most of the cooking he cleans dishes and kitchen we both wash clothes but he always puts them away bc he knows that’s one thing I hate doing lol we both work but only I work weekends so he and my 6yr old pick up and vacuum while I’m gone
If you figure it out I need to know!
Quit bitching at least he wants to help out.
If it helps this is constant battle in our house. My fiancé is the same, he’s open to helping out but I have to like tell him what to do. So instead I got a whiteboard for our fridge. I write the daily chores on it that need done and he can pick the ones he has time to do to help out.
Make a list of what you want him to do. And leave him alone. Period. You’re his partner not his mother.
If he’s willing write him a list.
Make a list that way when he has time to do house stuff hell work on something from the lis5. Maybe a dry erase board in the kitchen or something
I personally don’t like when my husband “help” He always do it wrong lol